WTF Is Your Problem?

 

Do you ever feel like the different parts of yourself aren't lining up properly?

In this case, I don't mean anatomically, I mean psychologically. As in: the "smart" part of you is going "I really need to do this Thing, I'll get right on that tomorrow! (ie., exercise/quit smoking/schedule a colonoscopy). And the other part of you, the part that is stupider but is actually in charge of what you end up doing is all "Ha! Like THAT's ever gonna happen!"

Of course, there's always the helpful motivational slogan popularized by Nike, "Just Do It, Asshole." Hmm. I may be remembering that slightly wrong.

But what if you'd really really really really really really rather Just Not Do It?

I've been struggling with a bad case of of the WTFIYP's myself. I asking myself what my problem is... but it's not the right question. It doesn't actually matter what the problem is. It matters what the solution is. What will get me moving again?

So I'm trying a new approach that's really an old approach that I've talked about a million times in different ways. But what the hell, I wasn't doing it, and maybe you're not either.

Since this is a blog called Cranky Fitness, you can probably guess what it is I've been avoiding.

That's right, blogging. (The Fitness thing is less of a problem).

But it occurs to me that the solution I wasn't using before and am now is equally applicable to exercise avoidance, and many other sorts of avoidances as well.

Simplest, Dumbest Cardio Workout Trick Ever

image credit here

By Crabby McSlacker

So this post features one of those weirdo counter-intuitive motivational hacks that you either: (a) already know or, (b) are going to think sounds totally insane.

It's for those days when you're having a Really Shitty Workout.

I already knew the trick, and have probably already written about it. But guess what? I forgot. And then I remembered again. And it's come in handy a few times recently.

Worth 1000 Words?

By Crabby McSlacker

So if a picture is worth a thousand words, and a short video is made up of hundreds of pictures, is a short video worth hundreds of thousands of words? And what if you don't make the video yourself but steal it straight off YouTube?

So yeah, this video, which all of you have probably already seen by now but I hadn't, cracked me up. And it offers a little metaphorical motivational encouragement. (Note: you can turn off the sound if you're at work, you don't really need it).

Are there "stairs" in life that others seem to ascend and descend with no problem, but somehow you just can't seem to get the hang of 'em?  If so, what do you do: find your own awkward way, or avoid them entirely and keep your world just a little smaller? (Personally, I've tried both ways.)

And yeah, it's summer, so as is customary, my blogging activity is getting even more sporadic and superficial than in other seasons. But I'm okay with that. You too may find that summertime offers many more absorbing options besides the interwebs. Beaches, bike trails, festivals, parties, parades, pools, forest paths, foreign lands, ferries, roller coasters, kites to fly, sprinklers to run under, campfires to light, gardens to tend to, hobbies to obsess over, watermelons to eat, and naps to take.

¡Hasta luego!

What kind of fun are you guys planning on having this summer when you're not at work or on the web?

Exercise Motivation, The Weird Way

image: flikr

Do you look forward to a strenuous workout?

If so, congratulations! But the rest of what follows may seem like incomprehensible gibberish to you. If you don't need to twist your brain into pretzel-like configurations in order to motivate yourself to exercise: you are free to resume websurfing. Enjoy a few more videos of rhinos cuddling with meekrats, or watch with terrified fascination as the next Trumpian plans for the apocalypse are announced. Google up a tasty gluten-free avocado brownie recipe! Or hell, go out and run a marathon and follow it up with a nice little nap.

There all sorts of healthy ways to motivate to exercise! I've talked a lot about exercise motivation and demotivation and remotivation over the years, and will doubtlessly yammer on for years to come. I have all kinds of healthy motivational tricks that I'm not embarrassed to share, and these are a large part of my aresenal.

But there is also a seamy back-alley of exercise will-power, and I have some other secrets you don't see mentioned in respectable publications. Yet for some of us, these are a real help in keeping us consistent throughout the years, yielding the numerous physical and emotional benefits that sedentary people do not get to enjoy.

Just what the heck am I talking about?

Resolution Realization: The Only Trick That Really Works. (For Me).

via wikimedia

By Crabby McSlacker

So I used to think the whole idea of New Year's resolutions was stupid and arbitrary. But now I'm more like: "hell, why not?"

I'm always working on some sort of goal anyway. So why not take advantage of the timing? If I undertake a delusional quest for behavioral change at the same time everyone else is similarly psyched up, we can all pretend together that there is something magical about a date on a calendar!

Will it help our motivation? Who knows? But the fantasy of a fresh start is pretty darn enjoyable in itself.

This year, however, I cheated and started a while back, working on something I wanted to change.  I tried an approach that is anything but new, and you've already heard it a hundred times. I know I've written about it many times before. It's so simple and obvious you'll feel totally cheated when I remind you of what it is.

Yet if you actually use it, instead of saying "I know that" and ignoring it--well, damn it if it doesn't totally work. Could be very handy for use as a new year's resolution tool.

At least the results for me have been pretty amazing. Using this method I went quite quickly from Wishful Thinking to a full-fledged Sustainable Behavioral Change! And I felt the difference almost instantly. I'm actually pretty confident that as long as I keep applying this principle, I will continue to be successful.  And conversely, I suspect that as soon as I go back to "knowing it" but not "doing it," I'll be back daydreaming about accomplishments rather than having any.

Are there major drawbacks to this method? Of course there are! More about that later.

Meanwhile, here's your simple recipe for New Year's Resolution Success:

Weight Loss Plateau? Change Your Mindset

Guest Post by Sarah Williams 

Please welcome guest blogger Sarah Williams with some great suggestions for a frustrating situation: the dreaded weight loss plateau!

As usual, the theoretical author of this blog, Crabby McSlacker, is off doing other things besides writing blog posts. This may or may not involve travel to a major metropolis, and some half-assed futzing around on her novel-in-progress (which, in a shocking development, is going Really F--cking Slowly). Plus she has lately been distracted by some real-estate wheeling and dealing, which could be potentially quite exciting! On the other hand, Crabby has watched enough HGTV to know that the whole shebang could fall through once the house inspector arrives, so she prefers not to jinx things just yet by going public about the details. But either way, triumph or bitter disappointment, she will be back with more blog posts at some point before too long, as she misses everyone and want's to find out what you're all up to!--Crabby

We’ve all been there, standing stark naked on top of our scale staring in agony as, for the second week in a row, the numbers haven’t budged.  Like many of my girlfriends, when this happens I often throw my hands in the air yelling some type of profanity and hop off, grab a towel, and head downstairs for a couple frozen waffles with extra syrup.  Because who is going to pick a banana and almond milk smoothie over the delicious aroma of an Eggo when it’s doing nothing for the scale?

Am I right?  The problem is, I don’t stop with the Eggo.  I toast another one and then because I haven’t had protein and am still hungry, I end up blowing through half of my daily calories before the coffee has finished brewing.  Sure the scale stood stationary for a week or two, but what I often forget is that though it didn’t change, I did.  While the pounds may be stationary, my fat has been busy converting into muscle and my digestive track has been enthusiastic about the huge amount of nutrition I’ve been throwing its way.

Time to Change Up Your Game?

photo via x-ray delta one

By Crabby McSlacker

So when it comes to health and fitness, I'm generally a big advocate of showing up and doing a shitty job of things rather than not showing up at all.

Something is almost always better than nothing.  A grudging, sluggish 10 minute workout that you actually DO is way better than the 90 minute kick-ass workout you can't motivate yourself to tackle, right?

And yet, other times, we may have to take a look at our goals, and what we're doing to accomplish them, and ask a tough question:

Save Your Strength

photo: David Mark

By Crabby McSlacker

So this is just a strange little post about a sneaky motivational trick that's been working well for me lately, but it may be Absolutely Useless for a normal person.

The tip deals with a persistent problem that can derail the most sensible, well-researched, brilliantly designed exercise program.

The problem?  In order to work out, you have to show up.  Often at a specific place, and possibly at a specific time, and generally wearing some sort of appropriate clothing. There may even be equipment and gadgets and gear to haul along.

Even if it's as simple as standing in front of your own television set in your spare room with the intention of doing an exercise dvd... you still have to get yourself in front of that tv and turn the damn thing on.

Running Towards Weight Loss

Photo Credit: Gareth 1953 

Guest Post By Megan White

Running (or not) seems to be a theme this week! And don't forget we're giving away some Altra Zero-Drop shoes (and it's not too late to enter).

While some of us suffer from injuries that make running a Bad Idea and a source of angst, jealousy, and whining, for most people, running is a Good Idea!  But... even if you are physically able to run, how the heck do you motivate yourself to do it?

This guest post is by our Paleo Pal Megan White, who has a new book out called The Ten Running Commandments and who has already shared a post with us on Losing Weight on a Paleo Diet. She is an enthusiastic runner, and has some tips to share!-- Crabby


The words we tell ourselves can make or break us.

These words can be positive. They can take you from your bed in the early morning to the dark streets, allowing you to burn off a couple hundred calories before the day ahead (and fitting you up with hours of endorphins to get you through the early-morning blues).

Alternately, these words can be negative. They can keep you strapped to your couch, a bag of potato chips in your hand, and thoughts of Netflix humming in your head. We’ve all been there. (Sadly, just three days of this attitude can get me up-to-date on full seasons of House of Cards.)

Too Big for Horseback Riding?

Guest Post by Jan Bono

Horseback riding?  Way too scary for the cowardly Crabby McSlacker, so today we have another great guest post by Jan Bono. You may remember her fascinating first person account of  the whole Skin Removal process is like.  We're hoping to see more guest posts from her in the future, fingers crossed!  

For more about Jan, check out her book Back from Obesity, or scroll on down over at the  Cranky Fitness Info Page, which mysteriously depublished itself for a while but seems to have returned. --Crabby

Heigh-ho Silver, away!

I was always looking for fun and creative ways to get more exercise as I took years to work my weight down from 396 to 144. High on my list of “someday I’m gonna be able to do this again” was horseback riding.

As a teen, I’d ridden horses with my country cousins, so I was well aware how much core muscle strength it took just to stay upright. I figured I’d probably be brave enough, and fit enough, to mount up again once I got under 200 pounds.

The Universe, however, had other ideas. The Universe thought it would be funny as hell to see me astride a powerful equine long before I deemed myself “ready.”

New Year, New You? Let's Kick Ass in 2015!

photo upload via x-ray delta one

By Crabby McSlacker

And yes, I haven't forgotten: this is the post in which the Plus Sized Exercise DVD winners are announced! So please stay tuned; winners names below.

Also, for no reason in particular, this post is illustrated with random weird old album covers. If you are a fan of such things, this is perhaps another reason to suffer through the usual bloggity blah blah blah as I share the strange contents of my brain.

But, you may be wondering: given my reputation for whining, pessimism, and general cantankerousness, why on earth would I be filled with optimism and energy and annoying perkiness as we reach an arbitrary date on the calendar and a new year begins?

Excruciatingly Obvious, Incredibly Helpful Self-Improvement Tip You Keep Forgetting

photo: Wilson44691 via wikipedia

By Crabby McSlacker

Regular readers may have noticed that I am quite fond of passing on principles for living a happy, healthy, balanced, life--while admitting that I totally suck at applying them to my own problems.

But hey, reminding myself of things that would make life easier if I would just f--cking do them? Not a bad thing! Because sometimes I actually pay attention to my own reminders if I go to the trouble of putting them in a blog post and boring the crap out of other people with them.

Anyway, I'm going out on a limb here and guessing that about 95-98% of you also occasionally forget this one blatantly obvious tip, which is applicable to almost any problematic area of life.

So which Thing You Already Know am I reminding you to Actually Go Out and Do?

On Hating Exercise: 5 Tips for Sucking it Up (Temporarily)

photo upload: digitalNC

By Crabby McSlacker

So I don't generally advocate doing any sort of exercise you hate.  In fact, I think the most important prerequisite for attaining a lifetime of smug, annoyingly energetic health and fitness is: find activities you don't absolutely loathe!

And yet.. sometime life throws a few curveballs. Maybe it's a new job, a change of residence, a nagging injury, or you find yourself raising small humans with schedules that don't accommodate your favorite exercise options.

What do you do when faced with a choice between doing some sort of godawful thing you hate in order to get your heart rate up, or not doing anything at all?

Grumpiness, Lumpiness, and Goal Support

photo: peter m

By Crabby McSlacker

Anyone else feeling a bit frustrated and thwarted these days?  Could you  use a pep-talk and some perspective, or is it just me?  When I wrote most of this post yesterday, I was in a majorly crappy mood and I probably shouldn't hit publish on this thing. We'll see if today is any better--too early to tell.

But I'm hoping that however you're doing, whether you're kickin' ass, getting your ass kicked, or are somewhere in between, that you might let us know what's up!

So anyway, what's the reason for this  extra whiny post?

The problem  is lumpiness.

Disorderly Conduct: Go For It!

By Crabby McSlacker

image: wikipedia

This is just a quick post about making a public spectacle of yourself.  Being an ass where people can see you? It's a highly underrated weapon for anyone looking to stay fit and sane for the long haul.

Plus, if you hang in there, it's also a totally gratuitous excuse for a picture of attractive butt-naked men! There are more than enough gratuitous pictures of naked women on the net, so I feel it is my civic duty to try to even up the ratio a bit.

Games People Play

photo: Awful Library Books

By Crabby McSlacker

Do you like to play games with other folks?  Softball, charades, tennis, poker, trivial pursuit, soccer, words with friends etc?

Regular readers would probably not be shocked to discover that I don't.  I am that stubborn and peculiar shirker who sneaks off by herself with a book or a laptop when friends take out the deck of cards or the board games or the volleyball net, and no amount of cheerful hollering and laughter will lure me to the join in.

However, when it comes to playing mind games all by myself?  That's a whole 'nother story! And as you may have discovered, it can be a useful secret weapons in the struggle to stay somewhat healthy and fit.

Time Travel For Fun and Profit

Sorry, this is not about "time travel" in the technologically sexy sense, telling you how to dial up a year and be physically transported there right this minute.

Nah, this is the more boring kind: psychological time travel.  This just allows you to use your imagination to communicate with your future self, potentially allowing you to optimize, or at least not totally screw up, your coming years.

However, there are, even now, some virtual "time machines" out there that actually facilitate this process, if you care to go all Marty McFly and try to tinker with the fourth dimension.

Wait, this movie came out nearly 30 years ago?
Clearly someone must have messed with the space/time continuum. 

October Goals and Yoga Giveaway: Flexibility and Stability

So we have a great giveaway for our goal check-in this month: it's a year's subscription to My Yoga Online. This normally costs $89.95 and it's pretty cool: they have vast numbers of streaming videos featuring yoga classes, pilates, meditation and other related om-o-licious things. Plus anyone who has an internet connection anywhere in the world can win, not just U.S. folks for once.

Another aspect of the giveaway I'm psyched about?  The prize also fits quite nicely into a fitness and self-improvement theme, as yoga is known for developing flexibility, and well as its opposite/complement, stability. Hooray for abundant metaphorical opportunities, the lazy blogger's best friend!

Get With the Program!

So this post started off being about the fact that I signed up for a new training program.

Yep, I'm currently I'm up to my eyeballs in oligosaccharides and polypeptides and phospholipids, trying not to freak out about making my way towards the ACE Health Coach Certification. Which I'm psyched about! It seems to offer a solid foundation for exercise/nutrition assessment, planning, and programming, for any life and wellness coaching clients who should want that.

But for clients who like to do their own thing, they still can. I promise it won't make me all bossy all of a sudden.   I'm still a wishy-washy psychotherapist at heart and am much more likely to ask annoying questions than provide concrete advice.

So will you be hearing more about this shiny new program at some point?  You betcha! Lucky readers! All the details and implications of my educational endeavors will no doubt make for fascinating reading. Blame Malevolent Andrea who alerted me to this thing.
  
However, my signing up for an official, structured program does bring up a more general question that comes up all the time in a health and fitness context:

Do you get the best results by picking a good program and following it by the book?  Or is it better to navigate your own best path through a field of intriguing but possibly conflicting alternatives?

Pushin' It: June Goal Support Post & Giveaway

It's my favorite post of the month, because all the good stuff comes in the comments!

So we'll have the usual chance to check in with what people are working on and how everyone is doing with their goals, as well as find out who won last month's giveaway. And we have a new giveaway to announce as well.

As is the custom with these monthly goal posts, we encourage people to reply to each other's comments and offer support, advice, thoughts, encouragement or whatever.  And to check back to continue conversations or offer progress reports if feeling so inclined.

The theme this month is: Pushin' It! Which coincidentally...