Happy Holidays from Cranky Fitness! Plus, Very Last-Minute Gift Idea

photo via James Vaughan

By Crabby McSlacker

Whatever winter holiday you celebrate, and whatever your favorite traditions are,

photo via James Vaughan

let's hope it was, or is, or will be, a lovely, peaceful, and joyous occasion! I'll be very curious if any of you are willing to share what your winter celebrations are like.

I've been blogslackin' again, but not just due to the buying-a-new-house-on-a-whim shenanigans. I'm back to working on my novel again. (Yay?)

But not being around as much as I used to be, I've been really missing everyone. You guys rock! You are part of my community, part of my family even, and I know exactly how weird that sounds. And so before I start the whole New Year's Resolution Let's Kick Ass in 2016 yada yada yada stuff, I want to sincerely wish you all the happiest of holidays. 

As you may know, here at the Crab and Lobster household, we are not religious. Nor do we believe that there is a  jolly fat guy in a red suit who circumnavigates the globe distributing presents with the help of flying reindeer. Thankfully, we have no children to indoctrinate with any improbable Christmas myths either. Because isn't that a weird cultural tradition when you think about it?  "Let's all lie to our kids about Santa Claus until they get old enough to figure out that we're full of shit. So when it's time for those "stay in school" and "don't smoke" and "be nice to everyone, even the unpopular kids" lectures, we'll have absolutely no credibility!

But again, no kids here, so what do I know?

So anyway, we celebrate "Christmas" because that's what we both grew up with. But it's a Christ-free, Santa-free, low key version of Christmas. "Christmas Lite."

It's mainly about connecting with family and friends.  And hell, let's be clear: it's also about desserts. And Presents. We've tried to be grown-ups and skip the over-eating and the presents part, but as it turns out? We like stuffing our faces with sweets and getting and giving presents.

Every year we say: "let's not do anything about presents this year!" "Let's not eat a whole bunch of cookies and cakes and candies until we're ready to explode!" And every year, we are totally lying.

Fortunately, we both grew up with the "open presents Christmas morning" tradition, not the horrible alternative, the jump-the-gun, Christmas Eve unwrapping.  I know this is customary in some countries and cultures, but WTF? You wake up Christmas morning and the holiday is already over? No, no, no, a thousand times no! That's just wrong. (For us!) 

We also drag Christmas morning out as long as possible. One person, opening one present at a time. Everyone watches and exclaims. Even if we are just opening gift cards for retailers we have specifically requested ahead of time.

This year, we are more geographically far-flung than usual, which is a bummer.  But we are hoping to have a happy Skype-mas and share the present unwrapping festivities via the interwebs.  (Fingers crossed).

But Speaking of Christmas Presents...

Do you sometimes find it hard to buy something that is useful enough not to be a total waste of money, yet not so everyday-useful as to be a bit... unexciting?

No, actually, they don't.

photo via James Vaughan

I can not recall the last time I fondled my vacuum-cleaner.

photo via James Vaughan

Or maybe you just want to buy yourself a present? But one that would actually reduce suicidal or homicidal ideation during a stressful holiday season?

Well, some of you may be ahead of me here, because as you may recall, I'm a big fan of Rick Hanson's programs, and his awesome Foundations of Well-Being Program is on sale if you sign up before January 1st! Plus, there's a 30-day money-back guarantee if you sign up and then flake out.

Am I an affiliate? Hell yes! But the reason I pimp for Rick is because he is insanely smart and helpful, not because I get an occasional check. I get tons of affiliate offers (God knows why, for an almost-dead blog, but whatever) and I turn 'em all down. Because apparently I'm too stupid to be motivated by money.

I could go on forever about what a great resource the program is, because not only do you get Rick's presentations, there are guest speakers, activities, quizzes, forums etc, plus a monthly live Q&A. 

This stuff really works: you CAN rewire your brain for more happiness.  But gosh, guess what? It takes a little practice, and consistency, and effort. Most people find that without some kind of structured program, it just doesn't happen.  

(Note: if you plug "Rick Hanson" in the search box at Cranky Fitness, you can read a scary, almost stalkery number of posts singing his praises. To sum up, Rick is (a) brainy (b) warm (c) funny (e) humble (f) pragmatic (h) straight-forward (i) entertaining and (j) a hell of a nice guy.

Could you, or anyone you love, benefit from a program like this? Then get a move on, and if you pay for the year upfront before January 1, you get a big discount. More info at the Foundations of Well-Being site.

Of course I can't find my affiliate log-in info, because I am a disorganized nincompoop, and waited 'til the last minute to put this post up. So if the link doesn't work, bear with me, I'll figure it out when Rick's peeps are back in the office. Just let me know if you try to sign up and it ain't happening. Also, I'm not exactly sure how you gift it. There's always the endearing home made gift certificate approach, right? And then you figure out the sign-up thing with your recipient once it's not a surprise. (Or heck, there may be a gift option, but I can't get very far in the sign-up process to test it because I'm already signed up).

Oh, and in other business news, I just wanted to alert and remind anyone who's thinking about going to the Prevention R3 Summit in Austin with me that it's coming up before too long: it's January 15th and 16th.  Remember when I blogged about the R3 Summit? It's a women's health summit with tons of speakers, demonstrations, etc, and now they've added Joan Lunden to the line-up too.  Maybe a little motivation for any New Years goals you may be contemplating? But our discount code has changed, it's now PVNR3SDCRANKY1. (But I'm NOT an affiliate on this one, just attending for kicks and possible free food).

So what do you guys do to celebrate (or not) the winter holidays? Any other good very last-minute gift ideas?

Can Money Ever Buy Happiness?

Photo: x-ray delta

By Crabby McSlacker

OK, so I'm not foolish enough to suggest that money can generally buy happiness. Otherwise, why would so many rich people be miserable grasping insufferable poopy-heads?  But in my experience, there are indeed times when thoughtful financial investments can reap substantial experiential rewards.

For example, travel comes to mind as an awesome place to spend some cash in order to chase a bit of joy and excitement and fresh appreciation for life.  Which is the reason I am posting this the day we're taking off for an adventure in Europe!  (As you may recall, it is all the fault of the Dowager Countess of Grantham.)

True, I really did insist.

(And btw, this also means you can expect some awesome guest posts while I'm gone and innumerable tedious vacation pictures when I get back, and perhaps some mid-trip updates along the way, but you regulars already know the drill).

But here's the thing:  We got our vacation at a big discount, because we bought it way in advance, and took advantage of an early bird special.  And so any happiness we may have purchased will be twice as sweet!

So I thought I'd let you know about another great investment in happiness that's on sale:

Check out Rick Hanson's: The Foundations of Well-Being Early Bird Special!  It's $50 Off if you SIGN UP AND PAY BEFORE AUGUST 31st.

This course starts October 1.  I'm doing the whole thing too, and I'm hoping a few Cranketeers might want to join me and perhaps we can discuss along the way?  We can hang either at Rick's place (there are forums and maybe I can start a thread there) or I can riff over here and we can do the comment thing.

So what the heck is it? And why am I harping on about it when I should be finishing up the last of my packing?

Obesity and Life Satisfaction: Surprise!

postcard at kellydessaint.com 

Guest Post By Dr. J (with Additional Contrarian Input by Crabby McSlacker)

Many of you are already acquainted with the knowledgeable and amusing Dr. J, who blogs over at Calorie Lab. He's a maxillofacial surgeon, as well as a dedicated runner and a pilot. Dr. J kindly sent me a very interesting article he wrote and let me share it here.

And in return for his generosity?  I'm gonna jump in afterwards and wrassle with him a little, offering a slightly different take.

Obnoxious? Sure! Stupid? Possibly! Because Dr. J is an actual physician plus he has a black belt in karate.

But Dr. J is also an old blog pal who knows I agree with him on about 98% of health and fitness matters and I suspect I'd have to work pretty hard to get him riled.   He's just more of a Tough Love kinda guy than I am when it comes to certain questions of lifestyle and health.

So what's the tussle about?

A study of obesity and life satisfaction that Dr. J dug up suggests: in communities where obesity is common, being obese has little negative effect on life satisfaction.

Wow, right? This I did not know. 

Going by everything I've read, I thought it was kinda tough to be obese, and that a lot of things just sucked more, and that people were generally more satisfied with their lives after they'd lost weight.

So, if you're curious to see what the Doctor and the Crab think about all this...

Volunteering: The Slacker's Guide to Contributing a Little

When I think of volunteering, I think of people who sign up for the Peace Corps.

And then I feel shitty about myself.

Photo: wikipedia.org

If you are someone with any spare time, then you probably are either already volunteering or feeling guilty as hell that you're not.

And note: if you lack spare time not because of work and family demands, but because you can't drag your butt away from the Netflix queue after you belatedly discover 3 gripping hilarious brilliantly written tv shows 5-8 seasons after they have begun, and you absolutely MUST catch up with them all, as soon as possible, then you probably feel guilty too.

For some people, volunteering is second nature: you do it constantly, generously, both when it is easy and when it is not. It is part of who you are as a person. You people can probably only scratch your heads in perplexity at those of us who sit on the sidelines and tend not to contribute.

Ever visited MessyMimi's blog?  She rescues orphan kitties and raises them (sometimes mind-boggling enormous numbers of kitties), and does all kinds of other great stuff, and she does it like "of course, who wouldn't!" without any bitching or whining as would be the case if I were doing it.

So yeah, this post is not aimed at you wonderful folks--though of course we Volunteering-Impaired-Slackers will certainly be grateful for any suggestions you have.

Because for others of us... it is not second nature. We may try, we sign up for things occasionally, but we either feel anxious or overwhelmed or bored or it's inconvenient and we start to dread it and there are so many other things we could be doing and so we make our excuses and wander away again.

All that stuff about how great you feel doing it?  Well, for us, as a rule, not so much.

So here are some 5 quick tips from an only Slightly Reformed Volunteer-Slacker as to how to either join the party, or at least stop feeling guilty about it.

Pork Butts and Wise Brains: Healthy Eating on the Road!

Blog regulars (hi, all 3 of you!) are aware that I am just now getting back from a house swap adventure in Toronto. And I've been threatening to do a post this week with a Healthy Eating on the Road theme, featuring a bunch of murky camera-phone pictures from our trip.

Gosh, can you contain your excitement? But then, just when I was hunkering down to slop together a bunch of trip pictures and contemplate the horror that is my email inbox, suddenly a new twist!

(Gratuitous Toronto museum photo.)

Yep, Rick Hanson's Wise Brain Bulletin just came out yesterday!

This is always cause for celebration, because it's a great read, and it's free, and if you haven't done so already you should definitely follow the link and sign up. But it just happens that this WBB is special... because it starts off with an ebook excerpt written by a foul-mouthed Wellness Coach and Health Blogger we happen to know.

So, I'd like to say a special hello to any Wise Brains who recklessly clicked on a link and found themselves at the weirdness that is Cranky Fitness! Where exclamation points are apparently on sale or something!

(And hey, speaking of Rick Hanson and wise things generally: Rick's new book, Hardwiring Happiness, is coming out soon and it looks like it's going to be great.  Plus he's got another free online interview series with even more experts talking about this stuff. More on that below).

Anyway, on realizing there could be a curious new visitor or two to the blog, my first instinct was to scuttle the lazy vacation post and put up something clever and practical and scholarly instead.

But then it occurred to me I'd have to write something clever and practical and scholarly.

Whoops.

So, welcome, wise-brained people, to the Healthy Eating Post-Toronto Cameraphone Photo Dump!

Happy Accidents

Of course not all accidents are happy ones.

However, some of my favorite personal (and often bizarre) discoveries only happened because something Frustrating and Annoying and Seemingly Pointless preceded it.

And btw, on a totally different topic, 'cause why not, this is not a freakin' textbook, my search for an "accident" picture led me to a terrifying (photoshopped, thank god) image that so succinctly captures one of my many phobias that I just had to share it!

The Power of Partnership

Is there someone in your life, whether a spouse, pal, family member, deity, pet, or even a deceased person or fictional character, whom you can always call on for support?

Hint: not a pet, a sibling, or a deceased person!

Some people don't seem to need this sort of person or presence in their life and they do just fine. Me, I'm basically a crotchety misanthrope (or let's just say "independent," shall we?) but I gotta say, even for a prickly loner, having found such a person?  It Rocks.

I could prattle on and on about "The Lobster," as she is known on the blog--how funny, generous, resourceful, patient, talented, charming, hard-working, forgiving, and adorable she is.

Or I could try to twist this into a post about exercise or dieting or personal development! Or hell, even make it a pitch for life coaching.  I could come up with a list of 10 bullet-pointed tips, enumerating all the cool ways you can leverage the power of partnership to accomplish more in your life.

Or I could get all political and make this a post about gay marriage!  (And speaking of which, if you're not overly offended by (mostly positive) stereotyping and haven't seen this video yet, check out this hilarious pro gay marriage video.)

But the heck with all that.

Instead I'll just say,  "Happy 22nd Anniversary Robin, You Are My World and I Don't Care Who Knows it!"

Anyone else got a partner or support system of some sort you'd be lost without?   Or if not (yet), what would you look for?

I Used to Weigh Five Hundred Pounds

Photo: bear.org

Well ok, I never literally topped the scale at 500 pounds.  In fact I'm one of those boring fitness bloggers who completely lacks a triumphant story of dramatic weight loss. At most I was maybe 20 pounds heavier than I am now, so I'm talking metaphorical obesity.

But it occurred to me the other day as I flailing around on the elliptical, grinning like a deranged person from the endorphin rush, that I've actually been losing a lot of emotional "weight" over the last few months.  Is it possible for a lifelong pessimistic worrywart to transform herself into a happy, hopeful, live-in-the-moment, greet-each-day-with-gratitude sort of optimist?

Well, I ain't completely there yet, but I've been on a crash "happiness" regime, and it's really working!  I'd say on the emotional obesity scale, I've already shed well over half my excess worry and negativity.  And I'm totally psyched to keep working hard on all this sappy self-improvement crap until I'm so blissed out that I'm completely insufferable to be around!

So what combination of lifestyle changes and self-help initiatives has created this bizarre change in my outlook and mood?

Well, there are lots of components, some of which have to do with awesome life and career changes.  Life Coaching and bicoastal living really agree with me. And on the self-help front, it's been a lot of different things, which of course means there will be a ton of blog posts about it all coming up. (Lucky readers!)

But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Rick Hanson from the get-go, since he was the inspiration for this whole Rewiring Crabby's brain project. His book Buddha's Brain led to my doing the Enlightened Brain review, and his wise advice is a big part of my new and possibly irritating positive outlook. So blame him if one day you come here and the blog has been rechristened Perky Fitness. Oh, and FYI, he's just starting a new telecourse on "Taking In the Good" in mid-March which I suspect will be quite worthwhile.

But anyway, whatever the reason for this sudden self-improvement orgy, it strikes me how similar my Personal Development journey is to the stories I hear on so many great weight loss blogs.  So many of you have been down that road and reached your "happy ever after" goals, so I figure there are some lessons I can learn in my quest to make life one big freakin' all-you-can-eat cupcake buffet.

Note: your version of paradise may include slightly fewer carbs.

Photo: rosebengal

 

Overcoming Denial About Health Consequences

I was born a worrywart, and I suspect even in my crib I was anxiously conjuring up possible worst case scenarios.  (Is that spoonful of baby food infested with worms and spiders? What if the vacuum cleaner escapes from the closet and sucks me up?  Will the cat chew my leg off while I'm asleep?)

Eeeeeeek!
Photo swiped from learnvest

Over the years I've tried lots of stuff: deep breathing, progressive relaxation, meditation, self-hypnosis, positive self-talk, yada yada yada.  But after a while I'd usually give up again and I'd spend all my energy focused on the healthy eating and exercise part, which came naturally, and ignored the psychological stuff, which felt way harder to deal with. (And yes, I am a licensed psychotherapist, and yes, this does serve to further reinforce the notion that therapists can be every bit as f-cked up as the clients they treat. Sorry, non-neurotic therapists of the world).

So many folks who have struggled with weight issues finally get serious when they allow themselves to face the health risks, and it was the same for me: I think my first post-menopausal physical was a bit of a wake-up call.  Numbers were not what I was hoping, despite eating boatloads of veggies and working out religiously.  (And my crappy family medical history doesn't help either--my father and maternal grandparents all died in their early 50's, and at least two of these early departures probably could have been prevented with lifestyle changes). It's not exactly a big secret that stress is bad for your health.

Though now that I'm sufficiently motivated, I'm forgetting all about medical threats and concentrating more on all the positive benefits I'm seeing. Somehow worrying about what will happen if I start worrying again strikes me as a bit counterproductive.


Not Giving Up When Results Aren't Instant

Some tricks I've tried have helped me quickly and dramatically; others takes weeks and weeks to have any impact.  Still others that research says will be helpful eventually now just seem like hopeless tedious time-sucks. I still can't meditate to save my life, unless I do the easier guided kind that is isn't really building up my brain's ability to focus the same way as the hard kind.  Whatever.  This time I'm going to experiment with lots of different kinds of meditation, and try to do something every day, and keep at it even when I continue to suck.  I notice that almost all tales of successful weight loss seem to involve fits and starts and slippage and stuckness, so why should I be any different?

But Getting Excited About Incremental Progress

Another trick I'm stealing from weight loss champions is to borrow some of the energy and excitement these folks bring with them all the way through the journey.  They don't wait until some final ultimate "goal" weight is reached to celebrate success; success happens every time a thought or behavior is different and a tentative new habit gets carved deeper into the brain.  I've been taking the time to notice the many ways I'm thinking and behaving differently than I used to, and examples are everywhere! I can't help noticing that I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

Ditching Perfectionism

I know that the struggle to be perfect is the Worst Weight Loss Mistake one can make. So I'm hoping to take some inspiration from all of you who've mastered the art of staying positive and not giving yourselves a hard time whenever you screw up.


Finding Your Own Path

Holy crap, the need to customize your approach to what works for YOU and not someone else is absolutely crucial to either losing weight or finding bliss.  The same way that "primal" or "vegan" diets don't suit everyone, approaches to finding happiness are not one size fits all.
In fact, most psychological self-help literature is wildly enthusiastic in tone, dismissive of potential obstacles, and tends to promise amazing changes with ease if you only follow a few simple steps. Self-help literature is basically designed for sunny suggestible optimists who don't need self help!   If you are a skeptical cranky pessimist like me, you need to tailor an approach that is research-based, realistic, and sensible in tone and content.

Again, more detail later, but I've been finally finding the "right" kind of self help resources, and learning how to sift out the helpful nuggets from books and CD's that might otherwise make me feel barfy. 

Becoming a Proselytizing Pain in the Ass

Yes, this is the unfortunate side effect of experiencing powerful personal change.  Like the formerly obese person who is now fit and trim and goes around lecturing helpless bystanders about the wonders of kale and egg-whites and interval training, it's hard not to find myself preaching the happiness gospel.  I have to resist the temptation to run around sharing "helpful" insights with people who really don't give a crap. However, I believe that's why they invented blogging--to keep those of us prone to climbing up on soap boxes far away from the general public!

Anyway, does anyone else work on psychological self-improvement?  Got any other lessons from the weight loss or fitness arena that may help me on quest for perpetual bliss?

Career Advice

Photo:quinn.anya

So I was over at Huffington Post the other day saw one of those headlines promising to share the secrets of a living a happy and successful life. The article was written by Marcus Buckingham, a guy with a new book out called: "Find Your Strongest Life."

I have no idea if the book is any good or not. Has anyone read it?

Anyway, from the HuffPo article, I gathered that one of the principle ideas behind this book is: screw "balance." Instead, go for more of what you really like in life and are good at.

And I'm all over that--just as soon as I find that job opening for "massage quality control inspector" or "cupcake taste-tester."

But the fun thing about this "Strongest Life" article? It comes with a quiz.

By answering 23 questions, you can figure out which of 9 roles in life suits you best: Advisor, Caretaker, Creator, Equalizer, Influencer, Motivator, Pioneer, Teacher, or Weaver. (Alas, there is no category for "Slacker.")

Once you know your Lead Role, this knowledge is supposed to help you find "moments that will strengthen you the most, invigorate you the most, bring you joy, excitement, and fun."

Cool! I like joy, excitement and fun.

And don't worry, this quiz will not tell you at the end: "Your Lead Role is... Ill-Tempered Dirtbag. You are: dumb as mud and mean as donkey spit. Your best quality: You won't live forever. Your Smartest Career Move: Night Watchman in a Graveyard, or other job that keeps you as far away from other sentient beings as possible.

Nah, this isn't one of those brutally honest quizzes. This is the nice happy kind where all the options and results are flattering.

So I took the quiz, and unlike most online quizzes, this one had me totally nailed! Check this out:

Your Lead Role: Advisor

"Your thrill comes from knowing that you are the person others turn to for the answer. You don’t necessarily want to be the person who actually makes the changes happen. (God, no!) Rather, what excites you is being valued by others for your insight and your judgment."

Your best quality: Your ability to analyze and talk things to death until someone else finally gets off their ass and DOES something find a solution.

Be careful you: Don’t get frustrated by other people’s failings. (Oh, don't worry, that never ever happens! (snort)).

And, saving the most awesome for last:

Your smartest career move: Any job where you’re paid to be opinionated.

Yep, it really said that.


Have you managed to design your life around what you like best, or are you still working on it? Ever take online quizzes?

Random Thursday posts cause a flat stomach!

My personal theory is that reading Random Thursday posts causes people to become healthy, fit, flat-stomached, and fully prepared for anything that the rest of the week may bring.

Photo credit: luiginter

Sisters make people happy

Sisters spread happiness while brothers breed distress, experts believe. Researchers quizzed 571 people aged 17 to 25 about their lives and found those who grew up with sisters were more likely to be happy and balanced.

Except... I have more brothers than I do sisters, so does that mean I'm more distressed than I am happy?

People who snore heavily burn more calories

People who snore heavily or have sleep apnea burn more calories when resting when the condition is more severe, researchers have found. Researchers at the University of California at San Francisco found that the average number of calories burned during rest was 1,763 per day. But those who scored the worst on a scale of apnea and disruptions in breathing burned 1,999 calories per day, about 300 more on average than those who scored the lowest.

Since people who live with heavy snorers are themselves likely to have trouble sleeping, and since lack of sleep can interfere with the ability to lose weight, that means the snorers will be thin and the non-snorers won't be?

Do people who take the bus to the gym get extra credit?

People who use public transit are three times more likely to meet fitness guidelines than those who don't, say researchers at the University of British Columbia.

When I first read this article, I thought "Well, duh." The researchers asked people to keep travel diaries for two consecutive days in two consecutive years, which sounds a bit skimpy. However, they interviewed over 18,000 people, which sounds more impressive. (Also sounds like a lot of work to me.)

Maybe Nike should try doing this...

This has absolutely no relation to health or fitness... or even whining... but I thought it was kinda cool. This website lists different shoes and articles of clothing made by the company Patagonia. It describes what part of the world the clothing was made in, where in the U.S. it's distributed from, the carbon dioxide emissions involved in transporting it... okay, so I ended up feeling a bit guilty after reading these things. Still good to know: Patagonia: the Footprint chronicles.

A Random Thursday post traditionally finishes up with a S.A.V. (yes, Silly Animal Video). Today, it's time for a change.



[Text for the video-impaired: musical rendition of ordering food in a restaurant. Kind of like the Monty Python Spam sketch, only with classier music.]


My other, and more probable, personal theory is that people who read Crabby's marvelous post tomorrow will tend to be healthier, thinner, fitter, richer, flat-stomacher, and better suited for the weekend.

What, you got a better personal theory?

Can Money Buy Happiness?

A new study says: yes, sometimes money can buy happiness, depending on how you spend it.

The topic seems quite timely, because what with the economy in such dire straits, many of us are worried about what we're spending our money on. We naturally want to get the most bang for our buck.

So let's say someone handed you a few thousand dollars you weren't expecting. (Hooray!) According to this latest study, what do you think the wisest investment of this money would be for your personal happiness?

a. Get your car fixed so that you're not driving around on bald tires with an engine that stalls out at unpredictable moments, thus increasing the chances you'll make it to work alive every morning;

b. Replace the upstairs toilet with one that doesn't spontaneously flush every half an hour, and finally do something about that black mold some annoying plumber told you was probably "toxic";

c. Buy yourself a Rolex;

d. Take some friends on a trip to an exotic island to go snorkeling.

Clearly you'll be much happier if you...

(d) Take everyone snorkeling, of course!

This is why I tend to hate "happiness" studies.

True, the study didn't actually ask this exact question. But it does irritate me that researchers aren't very good at measuring the peaceful, stable, boring kinds of happiness--like the kind you get knowing that the bills are paid and there is food in the refrigerator.

Anyway, in this study, researchers found that "experiential" purchases such as "a meal out or theater tickets," led to "increased well-being because they satisfy higher order needs." They concluded that "buying life experiences rather than material possessions leads to greater happiness."

I actually agree that this is mostly true. (More on that in a moment). And other research has said experiences beat possessions too. But I still have to gripe about the study because griping makes me happy! Take that, happiness researchers.

Anyway, participants were asked "to write reflections and answer questions" about what they'd bought recently. Since "participants indicated that experiential purchases represented money better spent and greater happiness" the researchers concluded this must be true.

I'm sorry nice researchers, but I think the methodology of the study screws with the results. Would you be willing to rhapsodize in a little essay about your new iPod, not to mention that nifty low-flow toilet, the same way you might a trip to the symphony? You're going to sound much cooler (and have more to say) about a recent "experience" than a "thing." Does it really mean you will get more happiness out of the fleeting experience than the "thing" in the long run? (Although personally, I could write a 5,000 word essay on why I still love the garlic press I got for a Christmas present five years ago, but then I'm a little odd).

In Defense of Possessions:
Here's my main objection to the research: I think "possessions" vs "experiences" is a false dichotomy. Because something like a bicycle, or a great book, or a new plant to put in the garden, or a bowling ball may technically be an object, but it also can create or transform an experience and provide a lot of happiness.

I think the real debate should be about things we buy for status, versus things we buy for our own comfort or pleasure or adventure. An "experiential" dinner eaten at a Trendy Restaurant is, in my mind, a lousy bargain if you only went because it seemed like a sophisticated thing to do. But a great book or a new kitchen gadget or a comfy pair of running shoes can be a great happiness bargain, if using them gives you pleasure.

The relationship of money to happiness is a fascinating topic, isn't it? Because we all have opinions about money, and about happiness. And we're all pretty sure we're spending our money the right way, on the best things.

Of course the research pretty consistently says that we're clueless. Money doesn't buy us nearly the happiness we think it will; and we tend to spend it on dumb things.

It does help to get your basic needs met. But according to an interesting article on money and happiness from a couple of years ago, "going from earning less than $20,000 a year to making more than $50,000 makes you twice as likely to be happy, yet the payoff for then surpassing $90,000 is slight."

Do you ever marvel at people who spend a fortune on luxury automobiles and vastly oversized homes, then find themselves working insane hours at jobs they hate in order to pay for them? (Sometimes there's even a perverse kind of happiness in noting how silly other people are about their choices).

All kinds of things make me happy; some of them (like massages, good restaurants, or travel to foreign countries) are expensive. But while it may be a bit of a cliche that "the best things in life are free," sometimes it's true. Or at least they're pretty cheap. Other favorites: a cup of good coffee in the morning; a peaceful stroll along a beach or through the woods; music so beautiful it makes you sigh; a laughter-filled evening with best friends; or a blissful weekday evening hunkered down with a beloved spouse, a pizza, a purring cat and a favorite tv show.

So do you folks think money can buy happiness? What do you think are good happiness "bargains?" Any examples you've seen of really lame ways to try to buy happiness?

Happily Ever After

What sort of person should you spend the rest of your life with?

A recent survey looked at how men and women decide which qualities are most important in choosing a romantic partner. Researchers at the University of Iowa surveyed 1,100 undergrads--and then compared their answers to past surveys.

So, care to guess how important "chastity" is now, compared to back in the 1930's? Or how differently men and women responded to the same questions?

What Do Today's Men Want in a Partner?

Here's what the guys said (ranked from most to least in importance):

Essential characteristics:

• Mutual attraction and love.
• Dependable character.
• Emotional stability.

Important characteristics:

• Education and intelligence.
• Good looks.
• Ambition.

Desirable characteristics:

• Good financial prospect.
• Good cook and housekeeper.

Unimportant characteristics:

• Similar political background.
• Chastity.

And How About What the Gals Want?

Essential characteristics:

• Mutual attraction and love.
• Dependable character.
• Emotional stability.

Important characteristics:

• Education and intelligence.
• Desire for home and children.
• Ambition.

Desirable characteristics:

• Good looks.
• Refinement.

Unimportant characteristics:

• Similar political background.
• Chastity.

What? Men and Women Are Almost the Same!

OK, heterosexuals, you'll have to help me out on this one: I thought gender roles, expectations, and stereotypes were supposed to be alive and well out there in dating land. From the popular media, one would think that in terms of priorities, it's pretty simple: guys want hotties; women want successful Masters of the Universe. So shouldn't these two lists look a little more different from each other?

Are things really changing, or are undergraduates just lying when they take surveys?

True, "Good cook and housekeeper" did not seem to appear very high on women's lists; also women rated their desire for home and children higher than men did (fourth for women; ninth for men). But otherwise: remarkably similar.

So How Have Times Changed?

Love and attraction was not always ranked the most important item; back a few generations ago, it wasn't even even in the top three.

In the 1930s "male respondents were seeking a dependable, kind lady who had skills in the kitchen." And chastity was considered more important than intelligence; it was ranked tenth. Now, chastity is "dead last."

Men have also grown more appreciative of womens' earning ability: they ranked "good financial prospect" 12th in 2008; it was 18th in 1967, and 17th in 1939.

For women back in the 1930s, emotional stability, dependable character and ambition were the top three characteristics they wanted in a man. Attraction and love didn't come in until No. 5.

Women these days rank "pleasing disposition" much further down than they did in the old days. But researchers weren't sure what that meant. Are women ditching nice, amiable guys in favor of churlish louts? Or did the old-fashioned wording of "pleasing disposition" just throw women off?

So What Does Crabby Think of this Survey?

1. It's very cute! It's kind of adorable reading what young people think they are looking for in a mate.

2. However, when it comes to predicting the type of partner these young folks will actually choose? A survey like this is pretty much horseshit.

3. Here's the big fat loophole: "Love and Mutual Attraction" as number one. This means that despite a person's stated desire to find a mate who is dependable, stable, smart, well-educated, and ambitious, all those qualities go right out the window when an "attractive" person strikes up a conversation in a bar one night.

4. Young men really rate "education" above "good looks?" Color me skeptical.

5. Are these even the right questions to ask? Given the sort of mates people frequently end up with, more careful screening might be advised. It's one thing to say that "dependable character" and "emotional stability" are important; it's another thing to know what those traits actually look like in a real live attractive human being.

You may, for example, may want to consider:

• Does Potential Mate get arrested with any frequency?
• Does he/she lack boundaries, and have all kinds of weird scary friends and ex-lovers hanging around?
• Always borrowing money?
• Will sometimes hit on your friends?
• Dictatorial and stubborn?
• Mean to children, pets, subordinates at work, or anyone else with less power?
• Jealous or possessive?
• Frequent liar?
• Physically violent, verbally abusive, or constantly angry?
• Substance abuse issues?
• Unexplained disappearances?
• Always has to be "right?"
• Frequently fired from jobs for "absolutely no reason?"
  

None of these are good signs! No matter how cute and charming a potential mate can be, wrong answers to these questions should be cause for alarm. Yet many folks who would swear that they are looking for an emotionally stable, dependable, spouse don't seem to know what this means. Instead they fall for inappropriate emotional trainwrecks, and can't wait to say "I do" no matter how many red flags are flying.

I Could But I Won't. Yet.

This is one area where I actually feel well-qualified to offer advice. I think 99% of having a blissfully happy long-term relationship is choosing the right person to begin with. Having found a Winner myself, it's tempting to set out a bunch of helpful criteria to help people end up as lucky as I am. (Other than the obvious disaster-avoidance ones above).

And I probably will one day, because I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on the issue and this post is already long enough.

But really, who cares what anyone else advises when it comes to matters of the heart?

The human physiological and psychological responses to romantic attraction are so damn powerful, no "helpful advice" is gonna have much impact. Yet as a bystander, does anyone else find it hard to just butt out when you see a friend or loved one stuck on someone wildly inappropriate?

Sigh.

So, for those of you who are looking, what qualities seem most important in a potential mate? And for those of you who have already chosen, were there any qualities which turned out to be a lot more important than you thought they'd be?

The Power of Negative Thinking

[By Crabby]

When you encounter a difficult or stressful situation, and someone advises you to: "Think Positive!" or "Look on the Bright Side!" do you:

(a) Smile and say "of course!" because it wouldn't occur to you to view life any other way?

Or do you:

(b) Barely stifle the urge to bop the optimist over the head with an umbrella, which you happen to have with you because it's pretty damn cloudy and the skies could break open at any minute?

Some folks are die-hard optimists and some are resolute pessimists and most of us fall somewhere in between. Personally, I think of myself right in the middle as a "realist," but given the general tendency of American culture to favor optimism, I know I probably fall much further down on the optimism scale--say somewhere around "party pooper."

Pessimism has a bad reputation. According to various studies, which I won't cite because they're annoying, we pessimists are supposedly less happy and less fun to be around blah blah blah.

(But we're also a hell of a lot less likely to lose our shirts when we gamble).

I'm not, in my own mind, overly pessimistic. When some important life event comes up I enjoy fantasizing about best-case scenarios. But I also imagine the worst case ones and I plan for them. I'm never late to the airport or an important meeting, for example, because I find it easy to visualize the multitude of things that could go wrong and make me horrendously late. (And yes, as a result, I'm always really freakin' early for everything).

As it turns out, if you are a somewhat anxious person, there is a psychology professor at Wellesley College, Julie K. Norem, who says: screw the optimism. Optimism isn't the best strategy for everyone. Defensive Pessimism, in which you allow yourself to imagine worst case scenarios, is a perfectly good strategy too. In fact, if you try to "think positively" just because everyone around you says "Turn that frown upside down!" it can just make you more anxious. (There is even a Defensive Pessimism quiz, if you want to find out if you are one. And yeah, I am.)

However, I also think it's possible to be a Very Happy Pessimist, if you do it right. Pessimism isn't something you should have to apologize for, especially if in using it properly you find yourself every bit as happy as one of those perky optimists.

So what's the trick to embracing your negative thinking and Loving Life as a Pessimist? It's actually really easy:

Anticipate the negative, but appreciate the hell out of the positive when it happens. Bonus: the more pessimistic you are, the more often you're pleasantly surprised!

Just think of it as delayed gratification. All those optimists celebrate early, assuming everything will go right. When it doesn't, they either have to cope with disappointment or ignore reality and pretend they never had such high expectations in the first place.

Happy pessimists, however, get the disappointment part over with early. We plan in case things go wrong, so if they do, we're prepared. But here's the difference between a Happy and an Unhappy pessimist: the unhappy one doesn't stop to appreciate that the Bad Things didn't happen.

Don't skip this step, this is the fun part of pessimism. Bask in relief and gratitude that things worked out nicely!

Unhappy pessimists go right on to worrying about the next thing. This, in my opinion, is a big mistake--unless you actually enjoy worrying. Which as it happens, some people do.

Note: I haven't read Professor Norem's book yet, so I could be getting the whole concept of Defensive Pessimism horribly wrong, and have just completely embarrassed myself and driven readers away from Cranky Fitness in droves.

Oh, wait, you're still here? Hooray!

So what sort of outlook do you folks have? Optimist? Pessimist? Somewhere in between? And do you think Crabby is Crazy in thinking there's such thing as a Happy Pessimist?

Smell me about it

[Written by Mary]

A new dating website matches people by their body odor. They take a saliva-swab to test your DNA, and then match you up with your ideal partner. According to their website, when you share chemistry with someone, you love their body odor and they smell "sexier" to you.

My first thought was that this might be a good dating website for people who were adopted -- at least this way you'd be sure you weren't dating your long-lost brother Fred. Apparently, though, this process doesn't work if you weren't raised by your biological parents until you were about a year old. According to the website, studies performed on mice showed that "When they were free to select partners to mate with, the mice based their mating preferences for different immune systems not on their own immune system genes, but on those of the parents who raised them —- even if they were adopted." It seems that we do try to choose a mate based on the criterion that they are different from Mom & Dad. (Presumably because this will annoy the parents the most?)

Does it make sense to match people by a particular sense? Montaigne wrote that "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband," but actually deaf people tend to congregate together, probably helped by the fact that they speak their own language. (I make that sweeping generalization based on my non-scientific observations of two people. My brother and his wife are always speaking to each other -- with their mouths full -- across the dinner table. In sign language.)

There is some evidence that people you are attracted to smell better to you than people you're not attracted to. At least, Vanilla wrote a post about how his sweat always smelled attractive to those around him. And he quoted from a scientific study that sounded impressive, so there you go.

Now if only they could segregate people on the subway by body odor, then I'd be a happy camper. Certainly it's possible to be repelled by someone based on their body odor.

What about you? Are you attracted to someone because of how they smell?

Happy Healthy Things

This blog would not be called "Cranky Fitness" if all the things that were good for us were really enjoyable. In fact, this blog wouldn't exist at all, because what would Crabby have to complain about?

She would have to be cheerful every single day, and what an enormous strain that would be. She's just not wired that way.

Aerobic exercise--always fun, isn't it? Lean protein, steamed vegetables, whole grains, legumes--wow, aren't they tasty? Interval training followed by lifting some heavy weights? Sure, that sounds way more fun than sex with a hot celebrity. Expensive French champagne? No thanks, but could you please pass me some more of that delicious wheatgrass juice?

In other words, it's generally assumed here that "healthy" means some degree of unpleasant, while a "treat" is something Decidedly Not Good for You.

But every now and then, accidentally, something healthy ends up being simultaneously wonderful. And almost as rarely, Crabby finds herself in the mood to be appreciative of things rather than all whiny and gripey.

(Once before, for example, she admitted there were vegetables she actually liked).

So here are a few random healthy things Crabby found herself appreciating this last week. But she hereby reserves the right to go back to her normal grumpy self tomorrow.

1. An awesome aerobic walk/run around a favorite reservoir with just the right combination of caffeine and iTunes to make it exhilarating. Massive endorphin rush, hooray!

2. A delicious pasta meal made with semi-whole-grain fettuccine (Barilla Plus), loads of garlic, olive oil, nitrite free turkey sausage, broccolini, and a sprinkle of Parmesan. It was really, really good! (And as regular readers may have guessed, this was indeed the pasta that inspired this post).

3. An affectionate reunion with the Sweetest Cat in the World. (Sweetest Cat had been in the care of a conscientious house-sitter while the Crab and Lobster were in Washington). What's the healthy part? Bonding with animals can apparently lower blood pressure! The Cat seems happy too. She has been purring and drooling and sleeping on the Crab's head every night, which should be annoying, but isn't.

4. A glorious after-dinner walk with the Lobster through the neighborhood. Folks were out; the breeze was warm; everyone was cheerful. (Unfortunately, the same balmy weather that made the walk feel like "vacation" fueled the terrible fire situation down in Southern California. Perhaps a subject for a later, less cheerful, post).

5. A perfect cup of tea with the last few chapters of well-written novel (by Margaret Drabble, a long-time favorite author).

6. Dark chocolate covered almonds (until Crabby lost control and they had to be banned. Well, they were gone anyway so the 'banning' was sort of gratuitous).

7. A crisp, sweet (organic) apple from the farmer's market paired with some Fancy Pants smoked cheddar cheese and whole wheat crackers.

8. And a glass of Two Buck Chuck Merlot to go with it. (Crabby is not a Wine Snob). Mmmm, tasty anti-oxidants and resveratrol!

9. Wonderful restorative nights of sleep in our own bed, with our own cat, on our own firm mattress, after several months of exciting out-of-town adventures.

10. Fresh brewed coffee in the morning and a blog full of clever and entertaining comments to check in on while drinking it!

So, has anyone else found themselves accidentally enjoying something healthy this week?

Happy, Happy, Happy!

Martha at That'sFit discovered an interesting survey about aging and happiness that surprised the hell out of Crabby.

It was conducted by a Big Bank (HSBC), not a team of smarty-pants researchers from a University, but it was large (21,000 people) and included people age 40-80 in 21 different countries.

And guess what? They found more people in their 60's and 70's reported being happy than people in their 40's.

This is encouraging, isn't it? Because we're all going to get older, at least until the scientists discover how to make aging optional.

And some of us are perhaps not entirely sure we're looking forward to our Seventies and beyond. We fear Alzheimer's and achy joints and bypass surgeries. In the drugstore aisles we push our shopping carts briskly past the Depends and the Dentu-grip and the Metamucil and the Special Toilet Booster Seats and try to assure ourselves we'll never need them. Perhaps we've even peeked inside a nursing home or two and seen groups of frail elders wrapped in plaid blankets staring slack-jawed at Golden Girls reruns. We've thought: Yikes, that doesn't look all that appealing.

But it turns out, according to researchers--the elderly are not just as happy as we are, they're happier!

The article goes on to quote various experts who offer their theories about why we tend to get happier as we age--there's some interesting information in there. And Crabby is open to the idea that in our journey from our childhoods to our "golden years," we might indeed become increasingly content. But she is not entirely convinced that people in their 70's and beyond are really a whole lot happier than people in their 40's.

Mainly it's because Crabby has trouble with any of the studies or surveys that try to measure and compare how happy people are by asking them how happy they are.

When you ask a person "are you happy," or in this case, "were you happy most of the time in the previous week," are you measuring happiness? Or are you measuring honesty?

Or, even more confusing, are you measuring cultural attitudes about what "happiness" means and how you're supposed to feel, and what you're supposed to say when a complete stranger asks you a binary question that's meant to sum up a lot of complicated and charged emotional territory in your life?

Crabby thinks it's equally possible that people born in the 1960's or later are more willing to say to a stranger, "This week wasn't the happiest ever" than people who were born in the 1930's. Even if the same number of people had less-than-happy weeks.

And here's where the skewed world view of Crabby McSlacker might become apparent to readers who havn't caught on to her yet. She thinks most folks aren't nearly as happy as the studies say they are.

Which is not to say they're Unhappy either!

Crabby just thinks these studies aren't very good at capturing true states of mind. Because they make it sound like people are deliriously happy most of the time, and Crabby just isn't buying it.

When Happiness Researchers compare statistics about how happy people are, they're often comparing numbers like 80% vs. 90% of people being happy. In this study, for example, 78% of U.S. respondents in their 40's, 87% of those in their 60's, and 89% of those in their 70's said they were "happy most of the time in the previous week."

Really? Almost ninety percent of people are walking around being "happy most of the time?"

Crabby has talked to and shared experiences with many friends and acquaintances. She has observed people in public. She has been in DMV lines and dentist's offices and grocery stores; but she has also been in places people go for "fun" like and restaurants and amusement parks. Are some of them happy, some of the time? Sure! Are almost all of them happy most of the time? No! She swears this is just not true.

Most people spend a lot of time just being... average. Neutral. Not happy, not unhappy, just There, just Existing. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's normal, that's life! Is that the new "Happy?" If you're There, if you Exist, then you're Happy? Perhaps actual "happiness," as Crabby understands and appreciates it, has lost its meaning.

And it's ironic, because Crabby, despite being crabby about health matters, actually feels she is a Happy person herself! She believes she spends more time content, engaged, happy, or even ecstatic than the "average" person does, based on what she has observed. If you saw her in the grocery store, she would probably smile at you. And she would not get all grouchy with the cashier, even a slow fumbly one, like some people do, because she is usually in a Good mood not a Bad one.

But like anyone, she spends a lot of time in "Neutral." She even has occasional frustrating moments. Do 70 year olds spend more time feeling ecstatic and less time feeling frustrated than she does? Perhaps they do. But Crabby is not trusting any of these surveys to give tell her the whole story of who "who is happier," at least until they figure out how to ask their questions better.

So what do you all think about Relative Happiness?

Happy Not-Mothers Day to Happy Not-Mothers!

So Mother's Day is almost upon us. On that day we will all think of our own mothers, and those of you who are mothers yourselves may soon be receiving expressions of gratitude: cards, flowers, candy, or perhaps breakfast in bed. (Burnt toast, undercooked eggs and cold coffee were what we proudly offered our mother when we were little--but being a good sport, she always pretended to be thrilled).

But it's not quite Mothers Day yet, at least not in North America. So today Crabby is proclaiming it officially "Not-Mothers" Day here at Cranky Fitness. This is in honor of all the Not Mothers who may be lurking in her readership--and particularly those women who are childbearing age or older who do not have grateful spawn of their own lining up to celebrate their existence tomorrow.

So here's an interesting study about women's decisions to have or not to have kids. The results challenge the notion that women who don't have children will end up bitter and regretful in middle age because they're not getting their share of saccharine Hallmark cards on mother's day.

According to University of Michigan sociologist Amy Pienta:

"Whether a woman has had children or not isn’t likely to affect her psychological well-being in later life. What is more important is whether or not she has a husband, a significant other or close social relationships in her life as she ages."

There are some interesting nuances in the study, which surveyed 6,000 women between the ages of 51 and 60. Moms who had kids early, for example, were not nearly as happy as those who delayed.

Crabby, though a believer in scientific research, doesn't think anyone in her right mind should make such a huge life decision based on somebody's study. But she appreciates hearing that she most likely won't be suffering any additional crabbiness as she gets older solely because she failed to produce little Crablets of her own.

Do any Moms or Not-Moms (or Dads or Not-Dads) have any thoughts to share?