The Little Mermaid And Breast Implants

While Crabby is taking a week off on vacation, Cranky Fitness is honored to present...

A guest post by Gaye of Confetti Drop!


Once upon a time, in my early 30's, I was in slamming shape. 5'2", 110 pounds, 16% body fat.

This came after having topped the scales at over 200 pounds, so I was pretty much living the dream! It was the very first time in my life that I didn't have “thigh balls,” or what others refer to as saddle bags. Thing 1 and Thing 2 were gone! It was a miracle!!! But sadly, gone too were my breasts.

Random: poetry, sex, & journalists

Photo: DerrickT

This blog covers subjects of fitness
But sometimes, as God is my witness,
We need to be random
And share with the fandom
Some studies that are mostly hit/miss

What? Why're you looking at me like that? Poetry is educational. It's classy. Makes us look like we're into culture and all that stuff.

I know we joke about how a study is published and then the next week another study contradicts it, but in real life it usually takes longer than a week. Not this time.

According to one study, Britain is going to be a lot less crowded to visit in the future. British people are too lazy for sex.

I mean, we're talking seriously lazy. "One in six say that if the remote control was broken, they would prefer to watch a TV program they didn't like rather than get up to change the channel...."


And yes, this study is related to fitness. "More than half (58 per cent) ... blamed their barren sex lives on a lack of fitness."


Seems straightforward enough. Except...

The week after this study came out, it was followed up by this one:

The British birth rate is on the increase. "The UK population grew more in 2008 than at any time since 1962." How they're managing that when they're too lazy to have sex would make an interesting study in itself.

Um... this method doesn't look like much fun, judging by her expression...

All right, so half of the increased births were to women "born overseas, but living in the UK." Even so, if they're living in Britain, aren't they affected by the environment they're living in? According to the first study, Glasgow was "Britain's most slothful city, with 75 per cent of people admitting they don't get enough exercise, followed by Birmingham and Southampton in joint second place with 67 per cent admitting their laziness."

If you're surrounded by that many lazy bums, it's going to rub off. If nothing else, it's an environment geared toward people driving cars rather than walking, living in buildings with easily accessible elevators and dingy, hard-to-find stairs, being surrounded by fast food and slow traffic. Besides which, there have been enough studies out there demonstrating that hanging around obese people will increase your chances of gaining weight. One study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, "found that a mutual friend becoming obese correlated with a 171 percent increase in the probability of obesity in the other friend."

No, as I see it, the second study is 180 degrees from the first. The women being 'from overseas' isn't really an important enough factor. We tend to pick up on the behavior of those around us.

Photo: rumpleteaser

I know I tend to sound off a lot about journalists, but sometimes it's hard not to. For example, a Bangladesh newspaper picked up on an article in an American publication, which featured an interview with Neil Armstrong confirming that the Moon Landing was a hoax. Only problem? It wasn't a real story. It was a hoax. (I mean the story was a hoax. A hoax of a hoax, if that makes any kind of sense.)

This is the part that got me. The journalists' defense? "We thought it was true so we printed it without checking. We didn't know The Onion was not a real news site."

Okay, let me make this clear. Just because The Onion makes incredible sense sometimes Does Not mean it's real, 'k?



Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size


Okay, one last weird story. I realize everybody's getting more lawsuit-happy these days, but even so...

Legal case against God dismissed
A US judge has thrown out a case against God, ruling that because the defendant has no address, legal papers cannot be served.


Oooooookay. I'm not even going to try to relate that one to health or fitness.

Positive Thinking: New Reasons to Say The Hell With It

At Cranky Fitness, we are not known for Excessive Optimism, Unrestrained Cheerfulness, or Gratuitous Positivity--unless there's an actual reason to be positive. And, um, how often does that tend to happen?

I've even been an advocate of Negative Thinking, if it's the sensible kind. (My philosophy, in brief: Anticipate the negative and plan for the worst, but appreciate the hell out of it when the bad things don't actually happen!)

Plus, if a blogger named Crabby McSlacker can't defend pessimism, then who the heck else will?

Well... it turns out that in the battle against relentless Positivity, I've got some new allies!

The folks at Time Magazine*** just did an article on the futility of positive thinking that contradicts everything you ever heard before. The article's title? "Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking."

Basically, it discusses research showing that "trying to get people to think more positively can actually have the opposite effect: it can simply highlight how unhappy they are." And it introduced me to a whole "third wave of therapy" based on accepting, rather than fighting negative thoughts.

Think that sounds totally backwards and crazy-assed?

Well, so do some of the more traditional cognitive psychologists! So it seems there's a little cognitive catfight going on.

Note: no Cognitive Psychologists
were harmed during this dramatization.
Photo: Icanhascheeseburger

Why Does Happy Talk Sometimes Backfire?

According to the Time Magazine roundup, research tends to show that when people hear an argument they don't believe, it makes them even more likely to cling to their original position.

Not buying it? Well, as an example, they ask you to picture a light-night bar debate in which someone claims that "Sarah Palin is brilliant," or that "Michael Jackson was not a freak." OK, now see how that works?

And a new positivity study suggests that this same obstinacy may kick in when it comes to positive self-talk. In particular, if a person with low self esteem tries to repeatedly tell themselves that they are lovable, it doesn't raise their self esteem--it lowers it!


Don't Fight the Feelings

So now there's a relatively new approach to therapy that incorporates research like this into the futility of changing negative thoughts. It's called "ACT," for "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy."

Spokes-shrink Steven Hayes says we should "acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout life," and instead of trying to challenge them, "we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values."

What should we do with these negative thoughts? Instead of arguing with them, Hayes advocates observing them with mindfulness, defusing their power, and not getting entangled in them.

For example, instead of saying to yourself "I'm depressed," Hayes thinks you should say "I'm having the thought that I'm depressed."

You're also supposed to work on clarifying your values, and moving towards actually living them. Do you say you value your friends and community and physical well-being, but somehow spend every weekend sitting in front of the TV scarfing cheetos by yourself?

Whoops!


It All Get's Too F*cking Arcane and Tedious for Me, Though

I was initially intrigued, because while I believe in the efficacy of more traditional cognitive therapy in a LOT of situations, other times it just seems a little too fake and cheerleadery. Sometimes life just sucks, and the pessimistic view is not "irrational," and efforts to take a crappy situation and paint it over with falsely positive happy talk can indeed seem counterproductive.

However, my initial curiosity about ACT and this whole "third wave" thing was dampened a bit once I started reading more. "Relational frame theory" and "functional contextualism" and how is it different from "dialectical behavioral therapy," blah blah blah--it's the same kind of incomprehensible mumbo-jumbo psychological theories always seem to employ in order to sound scholarly and serious. Someday, with a bit more patience, I'll have to wade in and find out if there are good practical ideas for dealing with counter-productive thinking lurking behind the jargon.

(But then I also heard rumors from the Traditional Cognitive Therapy people that ACT people were just a big ol' new age cult and they and make people wear silly hats and use secret handshakes discourage dissent. What do I know? But check out the photo of their Leader-- it does indeed look kinda scary.)

UPDATE! STEVEN HAYES HIMSELF COMMENTED ON THIS POST, ADDRESSING SOME OF MY HALF-ASSED CRITICISMS; SEE BELOW!


Why Choose?

Here's what I think: if you have negative thoughts that are getting in your way and it helps to argue with them, then argue with them! Replace them with happier, more positive thoughts.

But if the negative thoughts persist despite your efforts, then accept them as thoughts and don't let them control you. Focus on your goals instead.

Whatever works!

Or, if all else fails, try Crabby's Home Remedy: whine a little, then go for a nice long walk, then come home and curl up with a comforting beverage and cuddle with a cat, dog, child, significant other, rabbit, pet rock, garden gnome, security blanket, or whatever makes you happy.

And if you still want to join a cult? Crankyism is always on the lookout for new recruits!


***Confidential Aside to Time Magazine:

OK, thanks very much for the research and all, but fer cryin' out loud, how is anyone supposed to take your online articles seriously when they're full of these ridiculous computer-generated links for totally unrelated crap? Like these two had "see pictures of couples in love," "see pictures of people mourning the death of Michael Jackson," and "see pictures of facial yoga." WTF???

So, how do you folks deal with negative thoughts? Fight them, accept them, obsess about them, defuse them, believe them, ignore them?

Vado HD pocket camera giveaway! (US/Can)

When I was asked to review the Vado HD pocket video camera, my first thought was -- why? Cranky Fitness is a health, fitness & whining blog. Aren't home video cameras used for supplying YouTube with a surfeit of silly cat videos? How does that fit in with h., f., or w.? And why would I want to give a video camera away to a Cranky Fitness reader?


Try it, they said. See what you think.

So I did, and I have to say... Read more...

The 7 Types of Nice

[By Merry]

This IS mah nice face!

Here at Cranky Fitness we ipso facto don't advocate people being too damn cheerful. (Notice how I slipped a little Latin in there? That's my way of trying to make the blog look classy and impress people.)

Warning: more Latin phrases (quasi-Latin, anyway) will be appearing shortly.

But there's a difference between "too damn cheerful" and "negative to the point of being hurtful." We advocate a Zen approach to fitness: the middle path between obsequiously nice and vitriolically mean. (Or at least that's what I mean by a Zen approach on Tuesdays. On another day, the definition might be different.)

You'll find a lot of good advice on ways to deal with people who have a negative mindset and believe in sharing misery. When it's overt behavior, that's easy enough to deal with. But what do you do when you're surrounded by people who are "Nice"? Not all types of "Nice" are positive-minded or genuinely helpful -- they can even be harmful, all the more so because they operate under the cover of kindness. You need to be prepared.

There are many sub-categories, but here are the basic 7 Types of Nice:

sincerely nice [Latin: Niceous Sincerei] The really irritating thing about this type is that you can't find any reasonable reason to be irritated with them. They really want to help you if you're having a hard day, and if you're ever in a bad situation, you can count on this one to cover your back. Just avoid them first thing in the morning and everything will be fine. (They're invariably chipper in the morning.)

wannabe nice [Latin: Niceous Aspirei] Though he generally thinks you're an idiot, this person takes the time to answer foolish questions (often found in software companies working with ignorant technical writers). Will help at the gym with adjusting weights or explaining how to use a tricky piece of equipment.

because it's expected nice [Latin: Niceous DeRigeurei] She'll bring a hostess gift to a party, even if it's a potluck, because That's The Way Things are Done. Note: according to experts, it is not advisable to wear white shoes after Labor day if you are going to be in this person's vicinity.

so long as it's not an effort nice [Latin: Niceous StatusQuois] The type who would help a little old lady cross the street, so long as he was going to cross the street anyway. Will hold the door open for you if he's going into the gym right before you. Won't hold the elevator if he's in a hurry.


Watch out, anything below this line is potentially harmful.
_______________________________________________________________


passive-aggressive nice [Latin: Niceous Backstabi] This type acquiesces if you ask them a favor, but underneath they hide a seething cauldron of resentment that can spill over into acts of petty irksomeness when you least expect it. Superficially can resemble Niceous Sincerei, but can be distinguished by morose silences, hurt sighs, and the response "No, nothing's the matter." Siiiiiiigh.

whiplash nice [Latin: Niceous D'Escalieri] This type specializes in double talk that doesn't sting until you've left. You'll be driving home after the party, and suddenly think "Oh, that's what he meant."

Often recognized in the wild by the silence created when you walk into the room and the averted glances ("Who me? Talk about you? Never! Nice outfit, by the way. Those lycra bicycle pants really cover your stretch marks, don't they? You can hardly see them at all.") Typical retort: "All I said was..." accompanied by a hurt look.

Best way to deal with this species: Take their words at face value. They'll either think you're too stupid to appreciate their wit (and do you really care what they think?) and leave you alone, or they'll get frustrated into evolving into an even nastier type of "Nice." Or maybe, just maybe, they'll modify their behaviour and become a nicer person. It's possible that this behavior can be the result of a habit that degenerated from attempts to be witty. (Cf. the upcoming blog post, Types of Witty.)

emotional-sniper nice [Latin: Niceous AK47ei] When this one speaks, be wary. The words seem nice. On paper, the remark would seem harmless, or at least not-ill intentioned. But there's a look in the eyes, the 'accidental' probing of a sore spot while watching you intently, that's more like an emotional sniper looking for a vulnerable area. Never found in the vicinity of Niceous Sincerei, but has been known to associate with Niceous D'Escalieri.

Most experts recommend not engaging this type at all, if possible. If an encounter is inevitable, you are advised to treat questionable comments as humor. Nothing disconcerts this type so much as a trill of laughter and the words "Oh, you and your sense of humor!" or words to like effect. Warning: Do not show weakness, as they become remorseless at the tiniest whisper of a whimper.

It's important to distinguish between these types because they're out there... right now... maybe even lurking on this site, who knows. There have been confirmed sightings of Niceous D'Escalieri at backyard barbecues ("Are you having another piece of chicken? How wonderful to be able to eat anything and not care...") or Niceous Backstabi at the gym ("No, I don't mind if you change the channel to Wrestling ... even though it tends to make me feel ill ... don't mind me... of course, you will explain things to the paramedics when I faint, won't you?").

You might have noticed that there aren't any expert opinions on how to approach passive-aggressively nice types. That's because the experts were evenly divided between a gag (applied to the 'nice' person) or earplugs (applied to the victim). Neither sounded particularly useful to me, so I thought I'd ask the expert readers ... um, I'm looking at you ... how they deal with this type of person.

Yes, I did mean you over there. Who else would I ask?

What does it mean when your body Hertz?

[By Merry]

I had a moment of insight.
Yes, another one.

Oh crap! Another moment of insight post! Someone save me!

Okay, so maybe brilliant moments of insight are not always as profound as they seem.

Moments of insight are like dreams: they convey an emotional message that makes them seem tremendously important to the person who's experiencing the revelation, but they're not always translatable to another person. Ever listened to someone trying in vain to describe why a dream felt like such an amazing metaphor for their entire life?

What? Why are you looking at me like that? Am I the only one?

Would you sell yourself? If not, why sell yourself short?

No, this isn’t really a post about selling yourself. I still kinda regret I wrote Skanky Fitness -- a lot of people have clicked on it with Entirely the Wrong Idea. (It was a joke, people!)

This post is about the difference between renters and owners.


What is the difference between renters and owners?

I'm glad you asked.

One thing I learned from buying a house ("one" thing?) is that it makes a difference in how you feel about the place.


Well, with most homes, anyway


When I lived in a rental, I wasn't quite as careful. It didn't seem as important.

Not that I deliberately acted like a rock star in a hotel and trashed the place.

Gee, and I only invited a few people over...

I figured if something broke down, someone else would deal with it. Now, for some reason, I'm starting to develop hyper-Neatnik tendencies that I never exhibited before. I want to put things in their place, keep everything clean and looking good. This is probably in part because since I bought the house, everyone wants to come visit. But it got me thinking. (Rare occurrence, but it does happen occasionally.)


If you rent a place, you don’t invest as heavily in upkeep and maintenance. It’s like a rental car; it’s a vehicle to carry you around but you don’t care how it looks or how well it runs. If you own your own car, then it matters. Even if you aren’t worried about a few crumbs on the seats, you still make sure that you put gas in the tank instead of diesel or something that would make it hard for you to get around.


Is your body a rental?

One way to tell is if it Hertz . (Sorry. Couldn't help myself.)

I think a lot of people who are overweight or out of shape (or both) tend to look upon their body as a rental car rather than as their own personal property. We use the body to haul the brain around.

For example, I sit at a computer 10 to 12 hours a day . If the body sends up a message that it’s hungry, it’s easy for me to grab the nearest bag of potato chips and satisfy the complaints without taking any thought for how this will affect the long-term mileage.

It’s like giving your car the cheapest gas rather than premium, not bothering to change the oil (don’t ask me how that relates to body care, just trust me that it’s a vague analogy). Or like neglecting to maintain your house except for the amount of work required to be a couch potato.


see more fail pictures

Maybe I shouldn't have used two metaphors at the same time. Potato chips as a bad source of fuel is a good way to express eating right, but I think the owning vs. renting analogy is a better way to express this basic idea:
If you wouldn’t even consider selling your body, why are you renting it?

Don't think this analogy only holds good for couch potatoes. I mean, what about those crazed fanatics runners who keep running even though they know that they're going to pay for it afterwards in the form of injured knees, torn muscles, or sundry pain?

This hurts just to look at...

There are a lot of people who treat their body like they were renting it.


What, you don't want to talk about it? Fine. Then tell me your strangest dream. Go ahead. I dare you. I'll even explain what the dream means, free of charge. (Or at least, I'll provide an explanation that sounds good. Fair enough?)