How To Accept Chronic Illness or Disability Gracefully?

Maybe it happens all of a sudden: you're crossing the street in a clearly marked crosswalk and a car runs a red light and hits you. And your body is never the same again.

Or maybe it's the onset of a peculiar minor symptom, followed by more strange little symptoms, all of which get more alarming and eventually turn out to have a common, unfixable cause.

Possibly it's just the inevitable, but still disagreeable, result of getting older. Organs and other body parts begin to fail in ways that are not reversible.

But the bottom line is: you are no longer "healthy" in the way you used to be, and you probably never will be again, and the best you can do is try to accept this and move forward.

But how?

Oh wait... maybe you thought I was proposing an answer? No, I was asking YOU, because I seem to really suck at this whole acceptance thing. 

Why is Creatine Suddenly Trendy and Should We Be Taking It?

 

You've probably seen them too: those jars full of mysterious creatine powder in health food stores. They usually sit in what I think of as the "boys" section, where products often feature the word "Gain" instead of "Lose." Of course I know that's sexist of me. Because it's no longer just beefy lads still sweating from their Crossfit workouts who go in search of quick, easy ways to get more jacked after weightlifting, or to get some modest performance gains in intense excercise situations. These days more and more women want to be Biggest Gainers too, not just Biggest Losers.

But I was never that tempted myself. Mild performance gains didn't seem worth the money or hassle, especially since I am not a competitive athlete. Competitive athletes are those who perform athletics among and against other people. Wheras I would prefer that other people not exist while I am exercising. Competitive athletes are known to challenge themselves to the max, and endure a great deal of pain and suffering in order to squeeze out every last watt of power from their well-crafted bodies. And, well, screw that. A hard pass on optional suffering.

So why am I now dutifully ingesting a heaping teaspoon full of creatine powder every day? Is there more to it than cosmetics and a mild performance boost?

Antioxidant Supplements: Bad Idea?

photo: Patrick Feller

By Tiffany Reiss


This is a post by Cranky Fitness contributor Tiffany Reiss, a university professor who, unlike the slothful Crabby McSlacker, actually knows a lot about nutrition and bothers to go beyond the headlines with some actual research and thoughtful analysis. As I've mentioned before, Tiffany is one of the innovators behind the website The Hub Edu, which lets users to build a digital library of resources and share with others.  (In beta but very cool, and free!) More about Tiffany can be found by scrolling down on our info page.  --Crabby

Antioxidants: the pros and the cons: This concept is something that more often than not confuses my students, and at the very least is very eye opening for them.

We have all heard it, read it, been bombarded with it over the past couple of decades. Aging is bad. And what causes aging?  Why it's those little free radicals (or Reactive Oxygen Species (ROS) flying around in our bodies that damage cells and even our DNA that in turn, cause aging and possibly any number of physiological dysfunction (including cancer).

Gamblin' Again

By Crabby McSlacker

Gambling seemed like a natural theme for this next camera phone travel photo dump, since:

1. The last similar post was called Ramblin' Again and it rhymes;

2.  We just got back from Reno, a town known as a gambling destination, where we went to celebrate my mother's 80th birthday; and

3.  Life is a crapshoot, right?  You peek at the odds, you roll the dice, and you take your chances. No no matter how carefully you plan--or whether you don't plan at all--there's no way in hell you can predict exactly what's gonna happen.

It Ain't What it Used to Be

Cranky Fitness used to be a much better blog, for a variety of reasons.

A Late Start

This awesome guest post is by one of our favorite Cranketeers, Death Ride Grandma! 

Crabby and The Lobster are undertaking their season migration from one coast to the other, this time via airplane rather than in Fran the Van.  Crabby is most likely, at this very moment, cursing sleepless redeye flights and crappy 6 a.m.airport food choices and barfy ferry rides and the necessity of unpacking random boxes of crap in order to find coffee-making supplies and clean underwear. So how awesome is it to have an inspirational post from an articulate kick-ass blog comment contributor instead of bleary blog blatherings from a semi-comatose crustacean?

And now please welcome... Death Ride Grandma!

Advantages of taking up serious exercise when you’re…when you’re…well, not exactly young any more:

1)    You have a lot less wear and tear on those joints. Runner’s knee? Much less of a worry if you have been swaddling that knee in cotton and wool for 45 years or so.
2)    Really, how many 55-year-olds are regularly setting personal bests?
3)    Regular access to free, legal, safe drugs.*
4)    You can seriously impress your doctor.
5)    And your friends and relatives.
6)    And yourself.

This is my story. Before you go looking for inspiration on your own fitness journey, fair warning: you will not be wanting to find your inspiration the way I found mine.

Why Turning 50 Need not Suck at All

Fear not, young people, this is not a post about chin hair removal techniques nor hormonal replacement strategies. There is helpful and hopeful stuff in here for you too!

In fact, I almost titled this post  “Hot Cougar Secrets for Any Age!”

Mrs Robinson was a Cougar before it was even trendy.

Middle Aged Exercisers: On Not Throwing in The Towel

I can't speak to Old Age, 'cause I ain't there yet myself.  But I'm 52.  When I hear people bitching and moaning and sobbing about the toll hitting your 40's, 50's can take on the body, I respond by...

Bitching and moaning and sobbing right along with them! Cause yeah, it's amazing and amusing all the varied ways the human body can fall apart over time.

But when formerly active people with garden variety age-related deterioration (as opposed to serious injuries or medical conditions) try to use middle age as an excuse to drop cardio and strength training and intervals and anything more challenging than a trip to Costco, that's when I call bullsh-t.

You do not have to throw in the towel when your hair starts to turn silver, unless it's your gym towel and it stinks really bad and you're only throwing it in the washing machine so you get don't kicked out of your Zumba class.

Thoughts on Turning 50... Besides: Holy Crap, How the Hell Did That Happen?

Photo credit

So this is the post that's supposed to go something like: "Oh gosh, I'm hitting a major milestone birthday today and... I'm just thrilled to pieces! I'm not growing older, I'm growing BETTER! And now readers, hold onto your hats: I'll reveal some surprising secrets to enjoying a deliriously happy middle age!"

That's what most health and fitness writers would do, right? Everyone else in this game seems to age gracefully and cheerfully. It's supposed to come with the territory: not only should a health blogger be physically healthy, but she should have frequent life-changing epiphanies and accumulate valuable wisdom. Looking deep within to find profound spiritual meaning in everyday moments, she accepts with gratefulness the inevitable life transitions, opening her heart fully to greet the wonder of each new day.

Yeah, well, screw that.

Like it or not, I'm turning 50, and I find my skeptical, introverted, semi-neurotic personality still pretty much intact. Which I'm fine with--but it means I'm probably not the best person to give others advice on handling this transition. So instead I'll just share some personal observations about what sucks for me and what doesn't suck so much about turning 50.


Things I Hate About Turning 50 And/Or Becoming Middle Aged

1. It came way too fast

Such a cliche, right? But I swear I just turned 30 about 2 years ago. Which means in another 4 years: poof! I'll be 90.

So hey, smarty-pants scientists, could you folks get on this? Surely there must be some practical application for your string theories and strange attractors and black holes and quarks and whatnot. Let's spend a little less time developing apocalyptic video games and surprising new flavors of vitamin water, and a little more time figuring out how to slow time the fuck down, okay?

2. Wait, whose face is that in the mirror?

Has this ever happened to you? You're out having a fun evening with friends, laughing and feeling all social and happy and carefree. Then you go to use the restroom, and as you finish washing your hands, you innocently look up in the mirror just to make sure you haven't got visible vegetable matter stuck in your teeth or a tomato sauce rorschach blot displayed on the front your blouse. But what's this? The lighting is coming from some weird, wrong direction, casting creepy shadows that reveal the reflection of a hundred year old woman with your hairstyle and clothing.

Hello? Who is that woman? Oh wait, that's YOU! Not the fresh-faced 30-year old version of you that lives only in your head and your old photo albums. No, it's the real you complete with crows feet, frown lines, jowls, and those oh-so-special "marionette" lines. Sigh.

I'm afraid my customary facial anti-aging techniques are no match against the steady march of time. They consist of: (1) wishing I hadn't spent my youth in the sun; (2) cursing my genetic predisposition to premature wrinkles; (3) wearing extra sunscreen now to retroactively undo the damage despite knowing it doesn't work that way; (4) thinking someday I should actually purchase and learn how to apply make-up like most female humans but never actually getting around to it because department store cosmetic saleswomen scare me; and (4) avoiding mirrors except for ones with extremely flattering light.

Many signs of aging you can fight with exercise, but despite some weird infomercials I've seen, I don't think wrinkles are one of 'em.

Scientists? Um, if it's gonna take too long to figure out how to slow time down, could you at least give us a pill that eliminates wrinkles? Even at 50 I'm way too immature to simply not give a crap that I look 10 years older than I am.

3. The whole ticking clock issue
Those of you who do the religion thing and believe there's a happy heavenly eternal afterlife where you get to be reunited with anyone you've ever loved? You probably don't have a huge problem with the whole limited-time-on-earth concept. The same for those of you who expect to be reincarnated. And those of you who don't think there's an afterlife but find the awareness of your impending mortality to be a life-affirming inspiration to enjoy every moment? Good for you!

Me? Knowing that 50 is more than halfway to Dead just creeps me the hell out.


4. Oh Yeah, and My Memory is Crap

As I may have mentioned before about a thousand times.


Things About Turning 50/ Middle Age I Have Mixed Feelings About:

1. Gray Hair

The strands of silver (or ok, white) that are appearing with increasing frequency serve to remind me that I'm not young anymore. That part I don't like at all.

But I've always had dark brown hair, and it would have looked fake and ridiculous had I tried to highlight it with anything other than slightly-less-dark brown hair. So for me, having little flecks and streaks of another color in my hair is kinda fun! Even if it's the color most often associated with using walkers and wearing Depends.

2. The "Change of Life"
I'm having my first hot flashes, and strangely enough, I'm kinda happy about that. I know, check back with me in a few months when I'm complaining mightily, but for right now, I'm kinda ready to get this whole "menopause" show on the road. I'm reaching the part of peri-menopause where some women (lucky us) are blessed with epic menstrual cycles of the "I can't stray more than 5 minutes away from a restroom or it will look like a Sam Peckinpah film in here" variety. I equate the start of hot flashes with, I hope, the beginning of the end of Periods from Hell.

3. Wear-and-Tear Injuries

Yeah, my knees, my feet, my back, yada yada yada. I hate when I can't do my most favorite sort of workout. It seems to happen a little more often now that I'm older, though I've had knee issues off and on since I was 17.

But here's the thing: I always find something I can do when injured, and after I've recovered, I'm really glad to have learned some new tricks. I'm too stubborn and lazy to change up my routines unless I absolutely have to. I figure occasional messed up knees and feet and back muscles are nature's way of saying "Take your head out of your ass and do something DIFFERENT, Crabby!"

Things That Actually Kinda Rock About Turning 50:

1. I feel great.

Seriously, I have more energy, more muscle strength, less anxiety, a stronger immune system, and less trouble maintaining a healthy weight than I ever had before. I sleep great, never get sick, have a ton of fun, a great marriage, awesome friends, and I'm pretty darn content with my life. (Now watch, I'll head into menopause and it will all go straight down the toilet--but for now at least, all is good). As a young adult looking ahead, it never would have occurred to me that being 50 could feel this good. So, dear young people: you know all that cheerleady crap you hear about how you should eat right and get exercise and plenty of sleep and not smoke or abuse drugs and how you should nurture your close relationships and be financially responsible, etc., etc. etc? It's annoying as hell to listen too--but weirdly enough, it's true. You'll thank yourself later.

2. "Wisdom" may be putting it too strongly, but...

There are lots of things you get smarter about as you get older. In fact, there's a book I've been meaning to read, "The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain: The Surprising Talents of the Middle-Aged Mind," but, um, I keep forgetting to see if the library has it in yet.

Apparently memory isn't one of those surprising middle-aged talents.

But anyway, it does seem like what we lose in processing speed and recall, we gain in general smarts. At least, when I think back to some of the dumb-ass things I did as a young adult, I hope I'm getting smarter.

3. The Road Ahead Looks Less Crappy Than I Would Have Thought

So the major drawback to hitting my fifties seems to be the idea that I'm in my 50's--and the assumption that life will soon start to accelerate in a downhill direction. And yet, I hang out with folks in their 50's, 60's, and 70's who are still kicking ass and having a blast. (True, those I know in their 80's and 90's are slowing down a bit, but many are still hanging in there with pretty reasonable quality of life). And every day I seem to read about some promising new study or medical intervention or anti-aging strategy. So perhaps it's not inevitable that my body is going to disintegrate in to a rickety, malfunctioning, toxic pile of bitter complaints anytime in the near future. (And if I'm wrong, please stay tuned for my new blog, "Really, Really, REALLY Cranky Fitness.")

Anyone else facing a Big Birthday or life transition? Any helpful advice?

Balance Training: One More Damn Thing To Worry About?

Photo credit: Foxtongue

How's your balance?

I thought mine was pretty good. Then a while back Mizfit alerted me to a balance test that tells you how "old" you are based on how long you can stand on one foot, without swaying, with your eyes closed. I don't remember my exact score, but I think I came out somewhere around 113 years old. According to that test, it's a wonder I can get out of bed in the morning without falling flat on my face.

Now I'm still not convinced my balance is that bad. But even if it were, is this really a problem? I mean, judging by so many of the romantic comedies I've watched, isn't klutziness, clumsiness, and a tendency to stumble over things just a sign of adorableness? Don't pratfalls predict happy endings?

Well, apparently not in real life. When you're elderly and you take a spectacular tumble, it's not generally of sign of fun times and complicated romantic entanglements ahead. According to the CDC, falls are the leading cause of injury deaths among the elderly.

So, OK, we want to make sure we head into our golden years all solid and graceful, not all tippy and teetery. But if we're not that old yet, why can't we just put it off a few decades? It's not like we don't already have enough to worry about, between aerobics and intervals and kegels and flossing our teeth and eating our probiotics and organizing our tax records.

Well, according to a neurology expert quoted in Runner's World, "You can lose as much as 75 percent of your balance ability between the ages of 25 and 75."

Oops.

So maybe it is best to take a look at this balance thing before is totally slips away from us.

Here are a few suggestions for working on your balance so that you don't become a CDC statistic someday.

1. Try bosu balls, wobble boards, stability balls, or other balance training gizmos.

There's something about investing in a fitness gadget that makes balance practice sound more appealing--at least for a few weeks until the novelty wears off. (I confess: I believe I have a wobble board somewhere in the basement that I haven't used in years.) Bosu balls seem to be getting very popular; and for a hilarious illustrated post on the proper use of one, go check out Jenny on the Spot.

2. Agility Training

I didn't even know this existed until Deb at Weight for Deb got all enthusiastic about it. Not only does it help with balance in dynamic situations, it can even sharpen your ability to think quickly. Which you'll need to do if you find yourself tripping over cones and ladders and hurtling towards the ground. Here are some sample agility exercises, and all I can say is: Yikes!

3. Wii Fit and other balance video games.

I keep hearing lots of great things about these, so I'm terribly jealous. Sounds like a great way to get a variety of balance exercises, but still be able to flail around in the privacy of your own home.

4. Yoga.

Yoga is great for balance. And not just in the evolved, serene, live-a-conscious lifestyle sense. But in the actual stop-tripping-and-falling-on-your-butt sense. For example, here you can find some online tips for standing balance poses.

5. Try fun-sounding sports that require balance.

These scare me to death, but braver souls than I seem to have a great time improving their balance by snowboarding, skateboarding, mountain biking, ice skating, skiing, surfing, or riding bucking broncos in the rodeo.

6. Regular Boring Old Balance Exercises:

Not as exciting as the rodeo, but there are many sources for balance exercises, like at Runner's World, Livestrong, Mayo Clinic, or 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet.

How about you folks, do you do have good balance? If not, are you doing anything to work on it?

[Note: This post also appears over at the Blogher 10X club, because Crabby is lazy like that. And hey, if you're feeling brave enough, you can even go check out the health and fitness challenges in the 10x forum.]

CounterClockwise: Crabby Meets the Anti-Crabby

Photo: hettie gm

A number of weeks ago, I went to a lecture by a Harvard social psychologist, Ellen Langer. She wrote the ground-breaking book Mindfulness, and she has a new book out which I just finished, called Counterclockwise.

Langer has done a lot of research on mindfulness, and the "psychology of possibility." She believes we can use the power of our minds to do amazing things--improve our health, and even, in some ways, turn back the clock and reverse the physical effects of aging.

So what happens when you take a cranky, cynical, slothful, not-particularly-optimistic blogger like Crabby, and expose her to a serious scientist who believes practically nothing is impossible? Someone who encourages us to think that dogs might be taught to yodel and human limbs might spontaneously regenerate? Or who claims we shouldn't expect our eyesight to decline as we reach old age, or that we can melt off pounds merely by thinking differently about the exercise we already do?

Well... sometimes even stubborn crabby cynics find themselves rethinking things a bit! I have to say Dr. Langer's ideas were pretty darn intriguing.

Our Perceptions Affect Our Health?

Well, this notion isn't entirely a shock--we've all heard of the placebo effect. But what did blow me away is just how many surprising ways our perceptions can change the actual physical functioning of our bodies. Langer has been doing research on this for decades, and she's gotten amazing results.

Here are just a couple of the studies she discusses in her book:

The "Counterclockwise Study": This one took place back in the 1970's, but the scientific world didn't quite know what to make of it back then. Now that the idea of a mind/body connection doesn't sound so wacky, it's gaining new attention. Apparently the study is even going to be the subject of a movie starring Jennifer Aniston! (Sigh. We're still waiting for "Cranky Fitness, the Musical" to get snapped up, yet oddly enough, the phone is not ringing off the hook).

Anyway, in the study, Langer took two sets of elderly men away from their dreary nursing homes and sent them to a cabin for a week. They fixed things up at the cabin so that everything looked like it did 20 years earlier, in 1959. They surrounded these guys with songs, pictures, magazines, and tv and radio shows from the era. They gave them more autonomy and responsibility than they normally got, and did a bunch of other cool things for them too, but I'll let you read the book for further details.

One group of these old dudes, the experimental group, was told to live as though it were 1959. They were instructed to be who they were at that age, to not discuss anything that happened after time, and to try to reflect in their conversations and interactions that it was 1959, not 1979. They were also told that if they did this successfully, there was reason to believe they feel as well as they did back then.

The control group was also surrounded with the same 1959 environment, but told only to reminisce about the past, not to live as though they were 20 years younger.

Not to spoil the movie or anything... but holey moley, what a difference that week made!

It actually produced improvements for both groups, but especially the experimental group. After a week of living as though they were 20 years younger, their hearing and memory improved and the guys gained weight (and most needed to). The experimental group showed significantly greater improvement in joint flexibility, manual dexterity, and finger length; they increased their intelligence scores; and they improved in their height, weight, gait, and posture. Objective observers said all of the experimental subjects looked noticeably younger after the study was over.

Cool, huh?

The Hotel Maid Study: This study was another one that I thought was incredible. (So incredible I even scoffed a bit when I first heard about it).

Langer was curious as to why hotel room attendants were burning lots of calories in their demanding jobs, yet were still overweight, had high blood pressure, and other signs of poor health.

I woulda figured: well, because maybe they don't make much money and have crappy junk food diets? Langer wondered instead: could it be because they don't think they're getting enough exercise?

So guess what happened when some of the maids were told that their jobs actually burned enough calories to meet the surgeon general's definition of an "active lifestyle?" They changed nothing else about their routines except their expectations. And with their altered perceptions, they started losing weight and lowering their blood pressure. Those who weren't told they were already getting enough exercise... didn't.

I almost hope there were some methodological flaw in the study or something, because that result totally messed with my head. Can you really think away weight?

Challenging Medical Research and Low Expectations

Langer is respectful of research and the scientific method, but she thinks that the way we rely on doctor's diagnoses and research can be limiting. A study can be conducted thoughtfully and rigorously and still produce a "truth" that is not true for us.

Does it make more sense to be careful, mindful observers of our own health, and to think in terms of the possible rather than our limitations? What if we didn't accept the "fact" that our eyesight would start to decline in middle age? What if we thought instead that our eyesight might improve? Could it?

The Key is Mindfulness

Langer thinks we are far too mindless in the way we accept negative stereotypes about aging and conventional medical thinking about our health. By attending to the variability in our own bodies and environments, we can notice what works for us, and make incremental changes toward improving how our bodies function. She points out, for example, that a "depressed" person is not depressed 24 hours a day. But if we focus only on the depression, we may miss noticing what is occurring when that person is NOT depressed and try to make sure there's more of it going on.

Langer observes that "we apply convenient labels to most everything we encounter, blinding ourselves to alternative ways of understanding that...could turn out to be far more useful."


Lots More in the Book to Inspire

This book summarizes decades of research, and I realize I'm not doing it justice with this brief overview. (Ellen is also a very entertaining speaker, btw; if you get a chance to hear her sometime, I'd jump on it). So I may have to do another post some day on her research. I was particularly intrigued by the numerous studies she reported in which our subtle perceptions of how old or unhealthy we are can actually impact our health and longevity. And heck, if I can trick my mind and body into acting like, say, 30 until I croak at a ripe old age? I'm thinking that would be worth trying to nag myself occasionally to become a bit more mindful.


Brief Interview

So here's yet another demonstration that Dr. Langer is indeed the Anti-Crabby. After seeing her lecture, I got up the nerve to ask her if I could send her some interview questions for the blog. She said "sure!"

Almost two months later, I finally emailed her. I only asked her 3 questions because I was so embarrassed it had taken me so long to get her book and read it.

Less than an hour later, she'd responded. Ellen McSlacker, she is not.

Anyway, here is our brief interchange. Were I less of a slacker, there would be a lot more questions.

Crabby: I've been feeling vaguely guilty for years because I don't meditate. But you suggest that meditation isn't the only path to mindfulness, and that the key is "attending to variability." Which I fully intended to do after hearing your lecture, then forgot all about it a few days later.

Are there any techniques you can suggest to encourage our meandering brains to attend to what's going on around us instead of lapsing into mindlessness?

Ellen: Simply notice new things about whatever you're attending to. To make it formulaic, notice 5 new things. This will make it clear to you that you didn't know it as well as you thought you did and it will then become more interesting.

Crabby: You seem to be far more optimistic than many scientists about what the mind can accomplish. Is there anything you believe to be outright impossible, or do you stay open-minded about everything? Say ESP or psychokinesis or other parapsychological phenomena?

Ellen: Yes, I try to stay open to everything.

Crabby: I love the research about the subtle ways our perception of our own age can actually affect our physical health. Do you have any practical suggestions for cultivating a younger mindset and fooling ourselves into feeling like spring chickens again?

Ellen: It won't be a problem if we recognize the effects mindless age-related cues can have on us, and either become mindful or replace these old age cues with younger ones.

Crabby: Thanks Ellen!

So do you folks believe you can "think" your way to better health? Or does this notion seem far fetched?

Find Your "Real" Real Age

Have you taken the "Real Age" test? It's that site where you sign up and answer a bunch of family history and lifestyle questions. Then the site figures your health risks and tells you how old you "really" are.

Twenty seven million people have taken it so far. And it's energetically pushed by Oprah's pal, Dr. Mehmet Oz.

But go read Charlotte's recent post over at the Great Fitness Experiment. Oh my goodness! Turns out the Real Age people are in bed with the supplement manufacturers and pharmaceutical companies. For example, Charlotte says that test penalizes people if they don't take Vitamin E supplements, which scientists have been telling us NOT to do for several years now. Oh, and guess what? The Real Age people sell your personal information to drug companies!

Yeeesh.

So since the "Real Age" test has been revealed as a marketing ploy, and is also a long-ass test that goes on forever (I never made it through), I thought we needed a shorter, "realer," Real Age test.

Note: if you take the Cranky Fitness Real Age Test, we promise we won't sell any of your information to drug companies!

So, would you like to know how old Cranky Fitness thinks you are?

Here's the deal: The official Real Age Test adjusts your current chronological age by all the factors it can find that might affect how long you're going to live--if you were a statistic and not a person.

The problem with that? You're a person! And you can eat right, stop smoking, floss your teeth, drink green tea, and do every damn thing you're supposed to and still get mowed down by a runaway Krispy Kreme truck as you're coming out of the gym from your Zumba class tomorrow.

So predicting life span is kind of a crapshoot.

On the other hand, statistics aren't totally useless. We know that certain behaviors are probably going to catch up with us eventually, otherwise, wouldn't we be eating a whole lot more ice cream and a whole lot less spinach? I know I would.

It's a dilemma: how to balance having a happy life with having a long one. This test, therefore, takes a totally different approach to discovering your "real age."

Note: feel free to pick more than one answer, or ignore questions that don't apply. It's a very flexible test!


The Cranky Fitness "Real" Real Age Test


1. When I go to the grocery store, I sometimes succumb to the temptation to:

a. Shoplift candy, because it's free that way!

b. "Ride" the full grocery cart back to the car when I'm done shopping, because it's fun! Even though I suppose if I lost control I could hit someone's car and have to pay to get it fixed, and boy, would I feel silly then.

c. Be a bit extravagant and buy some fresh exotic, expensive kind of organic produce I haven't tried before, even if it means I'll have to scrimp on other purchases.

d. Get snippy with that cashier who has the nose piercings--he's so slow and lazy, plus he mumbles so I can never hear what he's saying!


2. You visit an out-of-town friend, who drags you to a baseball game featuring two teams you don't give a crap about. (If you are a big Sports Fan, then just pretend there are teams you don't give a crap about). Despite your reluctance to go, you find you have a great time anyway because...


a. You drink 4 beers and cut in line for the bathroom (because you REALLY need to go), and get in a shoving match with some nutjob who has a problem waiting just two more freakin' minutes, but then when the ballpark security guard escorts you outside it turns out you he used to live in your hometown and you went to high school with him! So you both get stoned together after the game and catch up on old times.

b. The game is a close one; all the sights, sounds, smells are exhilarating; the hot dog and ice cream you buy as a treat really hit the spot; and the excitement in the stands is contagious!

c. A knowledegable fan explains some of the subtle intricacies of the game to you that you hadn't appreciated before; plus you discover they have some new specialty food stands with much healthier options than normal ball-park fare.

d. At a baseball game, turns out you can just sit and relax for hours and hours and vendors will come bring you food so you don't have to get up and get your own like you do at home!


3. My LEAST favorite thing about going to the beach is:

a. Sometimes those dumb warnings about riptides and dangerous conditions turn out to be true; I hate getting rescued by the life guards all the time! I probably really should learn how to swim some day. But whatever.

b. The only thing I hate is having to go home when the day is done!

c. Needing reapply SPF 90 sunscreen every hour, or every time I go swimming, or start to sweat. As much as I love the sunshine and sparkling water and fresh air, I really don't want skin cancer.

d. The people! The kids are brats; the men are drunk and rowdy; and the women barely have anything on and clearly have no shame.


4. You're a guest at a wedding and it turns out there's a live band and dancing at the reception. You came by yourself and only know the bride; you're basically faced with a room full of strangers. However, the dance floor is packed, people are having fun, and a friendly but unattractive person next to you says "Oh, I love this song! Um, any chance you wanna dance?" As it turns out, you love this song too! What do you do next?

a. Say "Sorry." Then go find a more attractive person to dance with, quickly, because you don't want to miss your favorite song!

b. Put aside some momentary shyness, say, "Sure!" and then have a blast dancing and meeting new people the rest of the evening.

c. Assess the condition of your knees, back, hips, and shoulders, the slipperiness of the floor, the amount of alcohol you've consumed, and the relative risk of injury versus the social awkwardness of declining. They say either "Yes, I'd love to!" or "Oh, I'm so sorry, but my doctor would kill me if I threw out my back again. Thank you SO much for asking, I sure wish I could join you!" Then enjoy the great music and the evening anyway, even if you can't do it from the dance floor.

d. Who would ever ask ME to dance? That's crazy talk. And even if it did happen, I'd feel too foolish out on the dance floor. Just because everyone else is willing to make an ass of themselves doesn't mean I have to too.


5. If somehow you won a trip to Paris for a week, with airfare and hotel totally paid for, what would you do?

a. Charge my credit cards to the limit buying cool Parisian designer clothes and accessories that will impress all my friends; eat all the fancy French pastry I could hold; spend the evenings drinking in night clubs trying to score with sexy locals; and, hey, don't they have a Disneyland too? I bet I could sneak in, those French folks are probably way lax on security.

b. Wow, Paris??? I'd love to try some of the great restaurants, see the sights, maybe rent a scooter and check out the happening neighborhoods, and just soak up every new experience I can!

c. Well, depending on my budget and the exchange rate, I'd love to sample the gourmet food (especially if I can find some healthier restaurants, and of course there are the local produce markets!) And it would lovely to see some of the world-famous museums, do some window-shopping, and get plenty of exercise by walking around town and admiring the architecture and the ambiance. Do they have gyms there?

d. Paris? Why would anyone want to go to Paris! I've heard it's hard to find a decent hamburger and it's dirty and the people are rude and they all like to pretend they don't speak English just to be snotty. They've got a perfectly good "Paris" in Las Vegas, for goodness sake, with all-you-can-eat-buffets. Why can't they send me there instead of France?


Scoring:

Mostly A's?-- You are a Child! And not in a Good way.

(Note: it is unlikely any regular reader of Cranky Fitness fits this category, but you may know folks like this).

Childhood is great for actual children! But those who spend their adulthood without benefit of impulse control, appreciation of consequences, or respect for others are a pain to be around. They also tend to do enough dumb things so they are unlikely to live to a happy (chronologically) old age.

Recommendations for Children: Consider being nicer to people! Also, you might want to familiarize yourself with principles of "cause" and "effect." A real eye-opener.

Mostly B's?-- You are a Youthful Adult.

No matter what your age, you embody the positive features we associate with youth as well as the common sense that comes with adulthood. You are flexible and open-minded and you appreciate new experiences, while tempering your adventures with empathy for others and a reasonable appreciation of consequences.

Recommendations for Youthful Adults: Keep loving life! As you get "older," you may want to incorporate additional efforts to ensure longevity into your daily routine. (If you also liked some "C" answers, you're probably already doing so). You don't want to miss out on any extra fun years you might have coming to you. So gradually incorporate more healthy habits as you learn about them, but don't make yourself miserable trying to do everything right.

Mostly C's?--You are a Mature Adult

This is great too! You have a more subtle, cerebral, quieter, but no less intense appreciation of life than more youthful, exhuberant types. You are careful with others' feelings and mindful of consequences. Though cautious about your health and finances, you try to balance concerns about the future with enjoyment of the present.

Recommendations for Mature Adults: Keep an eye out that your cautious tendencies don't get out of control and keep you from enjoying the moment. It's a slippery slope from "careful" to "stick-in-the-mud." (An expression which all of a sudden sounds really weird. What stick? What mud? Are we supposed to want that stick, but we can't get it because it's stuck in the mud? Why blame the stick? Or are we blaming the mud? And why do we even want a stupid muddy stick in the first place?)

Anyway. If you were wavering between C's and B's, then you probably get the idea. We need to balance enjoying life now with ensuring we get a lot more years of it in the future.


Mostly D's? You are a Crotchety Old Fart.

Again, not a typical Cranky Fitness reader, although I can see why the "Cranky" aspect might appeal.

No matter what their actual age, folks who are "D's" embody the worst stereotypes of aging. (Most actual old people are not Crotchety Old Farts.)

Crotchety Old Farts are impatient, judgmental, overly concerned with appearances, reluctant to try new things, and like nothing better than to sit on their butts and say mean things about other people. Note: despite my Crabby nature, I am not actually a C.O.F.--or at least I don't think I am!

Recommendation for Crotchety Old Farts: Stop complaining so much and go out and have some fun!

So did anyone make it all the way to the end of the Cranky Fitness "Real" Real Age Test? At least it wasn't 150 questions! If so, thanks for playing, and how did you do? Know any Children or Old Farts?

Aging, Antioxidants, and Annoyance

This is just a quick grumpy post about a recent study on antioxidants and aging I read.

Why so quick and grumpy?

Because I didn't like the results, damnit!

Hey, You Promised If I Ate All Those Antioxidants I'd Be Young Forever!

I hate it when a study comes along and dashes my hopes for eternal life. Yes, I know no one has guaranteed that the right combination of nutrition and exercise will keep me young forever. (And a quick glance in the mirror reveals there's definitely a flaw in this theory).

However, it's been kind of implied that if I down enough blueberries and red wine and broccoli and dark chocolate, etc, that all those antioxidants would fight off the nasty free radicals that would otherwise cause me to age faster. I will feel thirty or forty-ish, I was hoping, until I'm actually ninety-ish.

Perfectly Good Aging Theory Spoiled by Worms

Blame Denham Harman for my false hopes. It was his theory that said that aging is due to "an accumulation of molecular damage "caused by "oxidative stress." This theory has apparently been popular for over fifty years, so I had a good excuse for believing it and scarfing up all the antioxidants I could.

But alas, it turns out that a guy named David Gems and some stupid worms are trying to ruin my plans to never grow old.

In this new study, Gems and his colleagues fiddled around with a bunch of nematode worms and beefed up their ability to "mop up" surplus superoxide and limit oxidative damage. Unfortunately, "the lifespan of the worm was relatively unaffected by its ability to tackle the surplus superoxide." This casts serious doubt on the theory that antioxidants will make you live longer. Gems thinks "other factors, such as chemical reactions involving sugars in our body, clearly play a role."

Crap.

Since this kind of research is far beyond my ability to understand or critique, I'll just have to hope more studies come out and contradict it.

Or, even better, I hope that they figure out a new key to staying young, and that it involves a daily regimen of watching HBO and Showtime series on DVD, eating cupcakes and cheeseburgers, drinking margaritas, and sitting in a massage chair to relieve stress. C'mon scientists, get crackin'!

You Still Have to Eat Your Fruit and Vegetables

Just because antioxidants may not halt aging itself, they are still potent disease fighters so you're not off the hook. Gems concluded: "a healthy, balanced diet is very important for reducing the risk of developing many diseases associated with old age, such as cancer, diabetes and osteoporosis. But there is no clear evidence that dietary antioxidants can slow or prevent aging. There is even less evidence to support the claims of most anti-aging products."

Darn it. Guess I'll go eat worms.

Anyone else disappointed that there might not be a dietary "magic bullet" to prevent aging? Got any good anti-aging suggestions, or are you perfectly happy to grow old gracefully?

Act Your Age?

[By Crabby]


The swell folks at That'sFit alerted me to this story about Madonna turning 50.

Turns out, Madonna held a Fiftieth Birthday party at which no one was allowed to mention the fact she was 50 years old. (Confidential to Madonna: better idea? Just don't have a freakin' Fiftieth Birthday party. Are you really still in dire need of attention and presents at this point in your life?? )

Oddly enough, none of us here at Cranky Fitness were invited to the celebration, so we don't know if she was successful in squelching any of that nasty Fifty-Year-Old talk. But my guess? She probably pretty much gets what she wants.

Yeah, I swiped a photo just this once.
Sorry! Please don't sue me.

Now when I first heard this, I thought: well, sounds kinda vain and immature. Aging is a tiresome, depressing, yet natural and inevitable part of life--you can run but you can't hide, no matter how many personal trainers, surgeons, chefs and publicists you employ.

Get over yourself, Material Girl.

But then it turns out this was totally unfair of me, because Madonna's not really Fifty years old at all--she's only turning Thirty Six!

"Using ancient techniques known only to a select few, the high priests of Kabbalah have calculated her spiritual age to be 36, not 50."

So, um Happy Thirty-Sixth Birthday, Madonna!

But goodness, if I'd only known these sort of arrangements were available, I'd never dithered around being agnostic all these years.

Calling Kabbalah**: it's Crabby on the line! Can I have a new age too, please? Let's see, older or younger, which will it be... um, gosh, let's make it younger, 'k?






Oops... maybe not THAT much younger. Teething was a bitch.

(And I'd sooner drink drano milkshakes for breakfast than go through Junior High again, thank you very much.)

The thing is, though, I can totally relate to Madonna's dilemma. As a Boomer myself, just a few years behind the Material Girl, I too feel I shouldn't ever have to grow up, let alone get old.

I workout, I feel (mostly) great, and I want to think that most of my life is still ahead of me. There are still so many places to see, books to write, cupcakes to eat...

And I don't FEEL old, damn it! I feel about thirty. And I like being thirty, despite what the calendar says. Yet unlike Madonna, I can't seem to remain as effectively in denial. When I look in the mirror, I see plenty of evidence that I am indeed advancing in years. Every day there's some new wrinkle, age spot, gray hair, crease, crevice, or floppy bit.

So this would be a great place to write something inspirational about how the surface stuff really doesn't matter much in the scheme of things, and how I really don't give a crap that I'm not actually 30, either chronologically or when I look in the mirror. And gosh I'm SO looking forward to turning 50, 60, 70, 80, 90 myself...

But that would be complete horsesh*t. I'd rather be 90 than dead, but I'm not really looking forward to being either.

(But who knows, according to some folks, aging may some day be optional!)

So how do you folks feel about your chronological age versus your actual age?

**I know no more about Kabbalah than I do about Zen, so feel free to flame away in the comments about my ignorance!

They Say Its Your Birthday

[By Crabby]

This is not a real post--as you can see, it's being posted on a Sunday, when no one is around to read it.

Whose birthday is it today? Well, mine. But June 8th is also the birthday of a few other folks. Those of us who aren't dead yet will attempt to celebrate/bemoan our advancing years in whatever way works best. So enjoy, Kayne West, Joan Rivers, Jerry Stiller, Robert Preston, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Boz Scaggs, Barbara Bush, Frank Lloyd Wright, and Nancy Sinatra. Oh and best wishes also to the retired Belgian tennis player and some guy who apparently invented the World Wide Web.

The fact that no one is reading this is no problem, because I am probably not actually on Some Guy's World Wide Web anyway. Instead, I am off enjoying a Perfect Birthday Celebration. What happens on a perfect birthday? Well, everyone has their own ideas but here is mine:

• A little bit of exercise, but only the fun kind like the rock walk.
• A massage.
• A couple of things to unwrap.
• Dinner out with loved ones at a favorite restaurant that has excellent food but is Not Too Fancy.
• Perhaps a gratuitous dessert containing chocolate.

Ahhhh.... I guess another year ain't so bad.

Does anyone else have favorite Birthday treats?

Your Brain on Blueberries

[By Crabby]

So yet another study has come out saying that blueberries and other phytochemical-rich foods are good for your brain. These superfoods are even supposed to be "effective at reversing age-related deficits in memory."

Hooray! I love hearing that the healthy food I make myself eat all the time is really good for me.

But hey... wait JUST one minute.

I eat tons of blueberries and consume boatloads of other phytochemicals. And I exercise and get Omega 3's and do all that good brain stuff. And how good is my memory?

It's crap!

Well, it's not Alzheimer's time yet, but since I hit my mid-forties, I've definitely noticed an ever-increasing tendency to space things out.

Someone Never Forgets, but it Sure Ain't Crabby

Would it be that much worse if I was subsisting on the average American Big Mac and Coke and Twinkie diet? Would I enter and leave and re-enter and re-leave and re-re-enter and re-re-leave a room ten times, instead of five, before I finally recalled what I the heck I was looking for?

(Note: Apologies to you young folks. This post will seem boring and irrelevant. Check back in a few years when you, too, are wandering all around the house trying to recall where you set down your coffee cup only to discover you're actually still carrying the cup in your hand.)

Growing up, I'd heard that people's memories started to decline as they got older. But I thought they meant older older. Like, 80. I had no idea that stuff started slipping so soon.

Of course, if I'd just admit my memory is starting to go down the toilet, then perhaps I'd develop better coping skills. I'd write lists and learn mnemonics and rehearse things and just generally pay more attention. But instead, I just float around like I'm still 20 and don't really try to remember things. I just assume that important information, once heard, will be recalled.

But sometimes, it isn't recalled. It's just gone-- phhht!

It's not just the important stuff, either. It's all kinds of things you used to know. Have you ever sat with a group of middle aged people watching Jeopardy? You could make a whole new game out of it. Every time someone says something like: "I know that! Damn it, I know I know that!"--you all have to eat a handful of blueberries.

But here's the one that bothers me the most: often, I will think I have forgotten to do something. So, for example, I'll drag my sleepy ass out of bed and stumble downstairs at 3 a.m. because I suddenly realize I didn't remember to feed the cat or lock the door or whatever.

But of course I once I'm down there, I discover I did remember to lock the door and feed the cat--I just have no memory of having done it.

Perhaps there are only so many slots for mundane day-to-day memories, and by your mid-forties, most of these are full. I'm sure if I went to feed the cat one evening and discovered she was standing on her hind legs and had sprouted opposable thumbs and was using the can opener to help herself to our tuna supply--well, I'd remember that.

I hope.

(There are some memory resources here and a lot of products and services out there you can purchase which can help to train your memory. Personally, rather than add yet another set of exercises to my to-do list, I'd rather just forget things and whine about it. Other tips I've seen: get more sleep, magnesium, fish oil, choline, exercise, relaxation, social activity, and sage.)

Is anyone else a bit forgetful sometimes? Any suggestions?

Don't Worry, Be Dead

[By Crabby]

Oh No! Bad Things Happening in A Foreign Language!

Having just written a post defending the Power of Negative Thinking, I was quite (perversely) happy to come across this recent study suggesting that anxious older women actually live longer than mellow ones.

Nervous Nellies of the world, rejoice!

If you're an older woman and have a somewhat anxious disposition, maybe now you can go ahead and ignore those youngsters when they say: "Chill, granny. Don't worry, be happy!" Go ahead and panic over every new little ache and pain and scurry off to the doctor if you want. ("Ouch, my foot hurts--maybe it's toenail cancer!") Apparently all that worry-wartishness actually has a protective effect.

However, for guys it was different. Anxious older fellas tended to croak earlier than non-anxious ones. Sorry, guys.

The finding about the older women seemed kind of unlikely, but it was actually based on a 15 year study of 1,000 seniors and didn't look to be obviously half-assed. Still, I won't be surprised if another one contradicts it next week.

As a middle aged person with Worrywartish Tendencies, I'm hoping it's good news for me even if I don't entirely trust it. But at least it's an nice break from that constant tiresome message that carefree types are always better off and so all us cautious folks should forever strive to lighten up.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Note: I don't mean to minimize the completely debilitating kind of clinical anxiety that makes leading a normal life difficult. If you've got that kind, you should think about getting help. I'm talking more about the "Quirky Character in a Woody Allen Movie" kind of anxiety.

So what do you guys think, does this study make any sense at all? Or does it sound like the kind soon to be followed by "whoops, we took a new look at the data we were totally f*cking wrong the first time?"

And do any of you have Worrywartish tendencies or is it just me?

Old People Are Kicking My Ass

[By Crabby]

Sure, she looks so nice and all...

I already wrote about this over a Diet Blog, but what the heck. This is Cranky Fitness, not Diet Blog, so I can write about the same thing all over again! Plus I was far too cheerful about the situation over there. Here, well--this blog has strict limits on cheerful, especially when Merry's out of town.

So I'm temporarily living in a retirement community (long story) and have been working out at the old folk's gym. I figure the average age of my fellow gym-goers is probably somewhere in the seventies. Many of them are in their 80's or even 90's.

And for the most part, it's been a really pleasant surprise. Unlike younger gym rats, these people are extremely friendly and chatty and fun to be around. The ones who are just in better-than-average shape for a 87 year old (or whatever) are very quick to compliment you for not being 87 years old yourself. "Wow, look at that," they'll say, when you crank up the treadmill to a slow run, "you go so fast!"

Weirdly enough, these nice compliments can make you feel almost like you do go really fast. So you smile and blush and mumble something incoherent. Because you can't really say "actually, I'm not fast at all, I'm just not 87 years old." That wouldn't be very nice.

But here's the problem: I now understand what it must be like to be the only guy working out with a bunch of women. Even though it's not rational, and it's offensive stereotyping blah blah blah, somehow, I still subconsciously feel like since I'm much younger than these folks, I should be able to kick their asses at everything.

I should run faster. I should lift more. I should be more flexible.

But guess what? Many of them are faster, stronger and more flexible than I am and I kinda hate that.

It's pretty damn motivating though, I gotta say. When some guy in his 80's starts jogging on the treadmill next to me, I want to jog faster than him, even though he's in better shape than I am. When some woman can do squats with big bar bells balanced on her shoulders, I want to learn how to do that too instead of just using the wimpy leg press machine which I've been perfectly content with up until now.

My competiveness is pathetic, of course, but I'm hoping it might come in handy.

As it happens, we'll be moving cross-country in a couple weeks, and I won't be back to the Retirement Gym until next winter. I'm gonna really miss working out with some of the seniors, of whom I'm growing very fond.

But in the meantime I'm going to think about kicking up my workout intensity a bit so I can come back next year and kick some senior ass.

(Seriously--it's great to discover what great shape you can be in if you keep it up into your senior years.)

Anyone have any thoughts on aging and exercise?

When sleep is just a dream

[By Merry]

"How do people go to sleep? I'm afraid I've lost the knack." - Dorothy Parker


Sleep is good.

Working so much overtime that you get hooked on coffee is bad, but that's where I'm at right now. (I have to write documentation for an application, but the only time I can get access to the software without some bloody engineer tinkering with it is between 8pm and 5am, so I've become really, really appreciative of sleep.) The trouble is, if you get into the habit of punishing your body with excess caffeine, when you finally lay down you're still twitching with aggravated adrenalin jolts.

Trying to find research that has helpful suggestions led me instead to the ultimate vindication for your inner slug: getting up early can be harmful to your health. Apparently, "getting up early is also more likely to lead to muscle aches, cold symptoms, headaches and significantly worse moods." [They needed a study to figure that last one out?] Of course, not exercising because you slept in isn't great for your health either.

I mean, I do realize some of the bad things that can happen to you if you don't sleep:

• Lack of sleep can affect men's hormone levels as well as women's fertility, and it makes people of both sexes age faster.
• Lack of sleep has also been linked to the body's inability to handle insulin, which can lead to diabetes.
• Lack of sleep can help you become obese.
  
• In addition, a lack of sleep slows down your mental processes, which is awkward when you're in a meeting and someone wants you to give them an expert opinion. (The trouble with being the only writer in a vast herd of engineers is that they expect you to know everything about words. The other day, my manager asked me -- in front of a lot of upper management important peoples -- how to spell the word obsolescence. Luckily, I managed, but it was still a tricky moment.)

How do you get to sleep when you're wired-but-tired? I'd love to hear how you manage it. Here are some of the suggestions that I've gathered so far:

• Do try that deep breathing/counting stuff. Even if the mind is going around and around like a Starbucks-addicted hamster on an exercise wheel, the body can affect the mind; besides, if you’re lying there in the dark staring at the ceiling, it gives you something to do besides being irritated.
• Don’t drink when trying to get to sleep. Helps you fall asleep, but can cause you to wake in the middle of the night, which is invariably the most depressing time of the whole 24-hour cycle. Besides, unless you’re on the Wine diet, it’s not going to help the waistline.
• Avoid 12 Frappacinos before bedtime. (Okay, so some of the suggestions were pretty obvious.)
  
• Try some milk, if you can stomach it. Or a turkey sandwich. (Or both, since both contain tryptophan.)
• Instead of regular sleeping pills, try the homeopathic ones like Moondrops. [Note: this is not an endorsement or a warning against this stuff. I'm passing on a suggestion I received.]
• Avoid if possible sleeping pills that might cause strange behavior. Several cases have been reported about people taking Ambien, which apparently made them get up in the middle of the night, not fully conscious, and go driving. Even if it doesn't have that effect on you, it has been known to get people up in the middle of the night to raid the frig. Seriously. (If you're going to raid the frig, you should at least enjoy the moment!)

Does anyone have any other suggestions?

Until I find a solution, it's comforting to know that scientists are tirelessly working on this problem. Researchers at Wake Forest have discovered a naturally occurring brain peptide that can improve the cognitive performance of sleep-deprived monkeys. Hell, if it can make monkeys think better when they're short on sleep, maybe it can do the same for technical writers. Very similar species, after all.


Sketch courtesy of Flickr.

Guest Post: Dr. J on Sculpting Memories

Those of you who have enjoyed "Dr. J's" witty and sometimes wise-assed remarks in our Comments section may not have realized that he's got quite the sensitive side too! Here's another non-blogger who has ventured to write a Guest Post and done a great job of it. If Crabby can keep getting her readers to write her posts for her, she may never come back! (Just kidding. She's totally addicted to the blog and will be rarin' to come back just as soon as she's settled back home. Lucky you!)

In the meantime, here's some sage advice from Dr. J.:



Sculpting Memories

With the release of the movie “The Aviator” several years ago, I started thinking about the life of Howard Hughes. I believe many people, when they hear the name Howard Hughes, think of some germ-a-phobic nightmare of a man, anorexic with stringy hair and out of control nails.

But Howard Hughes had an incredible life. For much of it he lived as most of us can only fantasize. He knew all the most famous people of his day, dated the most sought after woman, and had more money than most countries! He was able to explore his dreams and desires without apparent limit. With his aging, however, life became difficult for him and he succumbed to the struggles that challenged him. I think many of us have or had people in our lives who because of various reasons, are not seen at their best in our memories. Perhaps, for many of us, seeing these important persons in a kinder light will be of beneficial. A gift to one’s self, perhaps!

It seems to me that with the ‘in the moment’ way life is experienced, it’s all too easy to see people as what they end up as rather than what they were. Life can be very challenging and many people don’t bear up well to the passage of time. Because of a personal experience I feel I have found a tool which can help one to reconnect with the loved one of your past rather that the unloved one of your present.

As my grandfather got older he became more and more estranged from the family. At one point we didn’t talk for almost 15 years. When I heard he was living in the same state as me I decided to contract and visit him. Let’s just say the visit did not go as I had expected. He had years of anger built up and used me to show it. I had been under the assumption that he didn’t want to do anything with the family, but now I understand that that was because of his daughter’s anger with his divorcing her mother. I never saw my grandfather again after this and didn’t have a very good opinion of him. I remember him telling me how hurt and angry he was that I didn’t contact him before. Of course the fact that I was contacting him now didn’t seem to mean much. I said to him, “Where is it written that the grandson has to contact the grandfather and not the other way around?” I had been under the impression that he wasn’t interested in me and I felt that I was reaching out to him. Pride can be a dangerous and foolish choice.

Some years later I had renewed my childhood interest in art and decided to do a bust of my grandfather as a gift to my mother. I collected all the photos of him I could find and began the project. To my surprise, as I worked with the clay and created my grandfather’s image, I found myself reconnecting with the grandfather I had known as a child and young man. Not the angry older man, but the kind, giving person I had known, but had forgotten over the years. I was able to remember the younger man.

I think art can be a useful tool to process, renew and explore feelings. As a sculptor, I used clay.. If one has artistic talents and desires, any medium would work. Otherwise, collage or a photo collage may serve as well. Use old magazines to find memories in pictures. Or perhaps, words from the pages will appear as appropriate to the person. Personally, it feels so much better to remember my grandfather at his best, rather than the person life challenged. I think it’s unfortunate the way one can tend to forget much of a person’s life and focus on the most recent experiences, which with aging can be unpleasant.