No Greater Gift

By Jan Bono

We're all grownups here, right?  Because this post by Jan Bono, author of “Back from Obesity: My 252-pound Weight-Loss Journey” concerns adult subject matter. But I have every confidence that mature and worldly Cranky Fitness readers can handle it!

As for the contentious crustacean, she will be back soon, hopefully early next week.  She is very much looking forward to finding out how everyone is doing!--Crabby

Although I consider myself a “healthy weight” today, I spent more than a decade weighing above 370 pounds. Back then, it had been literally years since I’d felt like any kind of sexual being, and I considered that perhaps I had “outgrown” the wanting to feel sexy and desirable.

Perhaps all that extra estrogen lurking in the fat tissues had taken away my libido. Truth be told, it had been about a decade since I’d gotten naked and horizontal with anyone. I wasn’t just hormonally challenged—I was hormonally comatose.

Nevertheless, in June when I wrote my “birthday resolutions,” I haphazardly penned “have sex” on the bottom of the list. Not “fall in love,” mind you, but simply “have sex.”

Random: poetry, sex, & journalists

Photo: DerrickT

This blog covers subjects of fitness
But sometimes, as God is my witness,
We need to be random
And share with the fandom
Some studies that are mostly hit/miss

What? Why're you looking at me like that? Poetry is educational. It's classy. Makes us look like we're into culture and all that stuff.

I know we joke about how a study is published and then the next week another study contradicts it, but in real life it usually takes longer than a week. Not this time.

According to one study, Britain is going to be a lot less crowded to visit in the future. British people are too lazy for sex.

I mean, we're talking seriously lazy. "One in six say that if the remote control was broken, they would prefer to watch a TV program they didn't like rather than get up to change the channel...."


And yes, this study is related to fitness. "More than half (58 per cent) ... blamed their barren sex lives on a lack of fitness."


Seems straightforward enough. Except...

The week after this study came out, it was followed up by this one:

The British birth rate is on the increase. "The UK population grew more in 2008 than at any time since 1962." How they're managing that when they're too lazy to have sex would make an interesting study in itself.

Um... this method doesn't look like much fun, judging by her expression...

All right, so half of the increased births were to women "born overseas, but living in the UK." Even so, if they're living in Britain, aren't they affected by the environment they're living in? According to the first study, Glasgow was "Britain's most slothful city, with 75 per cent of people admitting they don't get enough exercise, followed by Birmingham and Southampton in joint second place with 67 per cent admitting their laziness."

If you're surrounded by that many lazy bums, it's going to rub off. If nothing else, it's an environment geared toward people driving cars rather than walking, living in buildings with easily accessible elevators and dingy, hard-to-find stairs, being surrounded by fast food and slow traffic. Besides which, there have been enough studies out there demonstrating that hanging around obese people will increase your chances of gaining weight. One study, published in the New England Journal of Medicine, "found that a mutual friend becoming obese correlated with a 171 percent increase in the probability of obesity in the other friend."

No, as I see it, the second study is 180 degrees from the first. The women being 'from overseas' isn't really an important enough factor. We tend to pick up on the behavior of those around us.

Photo: rumpleteaser

I know I tend to sound off a lot about journalists, but sometimes it's hard not to. For example, a Bangladesh newspaper picked up on an article in an American publication, which featured an interview with Neil Armstrong confirming that the Moon Landing was a hoax. Only problem? It wasn't a real story. It was a hoax. (I mean the story was a hoax. A hoax of a hoax, if that makes any kind of sense.)

This is the part that got me. The journalists' defense? "We thought it was true so we printed it without checking. We didn't know The Onion was not a real news site."

Okay, let me make this clear. Just because The Onion makes incredible sense sometimes Does Not mean it's real, 'k?



Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size


Okay, one last weird story. I realize everybody's getting more lawsuit-happy these days, but even so...

Legal case against God dismissed
A US judge has thrown out a case against God, ruling that because the defendant has no address, legal papers cannot be served.


Oooooookay. I'm not even going to try to relate that one to health or fitness.

Segregate fat people: a good idea?

Does size matter? Should it?

It's hard to keep up with tall people, I can vouch for that.

Photo courtesy of foxtongue

Usually, when I see the word "segregation," I think the phrase "not a good thing." But is that always true?

The New York Times wrote an article on yoga classes designated specifically for larger-sized people. Apparently yoga instructors who teach regular yoga classes do not know how to teach yoga to larger people. (For example, some obese people can't manage all of the typical yoga positions, but they still want to do yoga.) The idea of segregating classes by size seems to be catching on.

I haven't encountered these sort of classes myself, so I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or not. Belly dance classes have people of varying sizes and nobody seems to care. On the other hand, there is gender segregation at work in belly dance: they're very much female oriented, though there's no reason that a man couldn't do these exercises.

Does it help to segregate?

Back in ye olde darke ages, private schools, especially colleges, used to be for male or female students only. Some schools are bringing this trend back, claiming that female students tend not to speak up in classes that are mixed.

I saw this myself during a women's self-defense class. So long as they were only speaking to other women, all my classmates were able to act out scenarios where they had to practice breaking someone's hold on them, or knowing when to be firm and say "no!" During the last class, the teacher brought in some big intimidating men for us to practice with, and suddenly half the women in class were hanging back. They were shy.

Excuse me, could you introduce yourself before doing that?
Photo credit: KyleMac

Can you apply the same idea to exercise classes?

Would you feel less shy about working out if everyone around you were the same sex or size? Except for workouts designed for pregnant women, I can't think of a biological reason why workouts should be separated by gender. I can think of a lot of psychological reasons for gender or size segregation:

- Some women worry about looking "unfeminine" around men, i.e. getting all flushed and sweaty.

- A lot of men don't like to look weak and wimpy around women. Personally, every time I pass a male cyclist, he makes a point of passing me again, even if he practically has to burst a blood vessel to do it. (Hint: it's easier to pass someone going downhill rather than up. Wait a few minutes and you won't have to work so hard.)

- If everyone else were the same size (or gender), perhaps people would feel accepted and be willing to work out hard.

I know "in theory" it shouldn't matter what other people think of your exercising, but it does.

Example: at lunch time, I have a choice of two green areas where I can walk. One is a sports center with walking trails around the soccer fields and tennis courts. You'd think that would be a good place to walk or jog, even if you're a larger than usual size. But the only people exercising are all small children. The adults sit on the sidelines and stare at you as you walk by. Frankly, they don't look in very good shape themselves (the adults, I mean), but apparently it never occurs to them that grown ups need to move the body too.

The other choice for lunch-time walks is the headquarters of a company that sells sports equipment. Even larger-sized people can walk the trails around their campus without receiving a single smirk or stare. Everyone is on their lunch break exercising, so you're met with a polite nod or a smile from passers by. All the difference in the world from the sports center.

If classes and gyms are like the first example, then definitely segregate.

Another problem is pacing.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures


If I'm next to a thin, lithe size 0 who's kicking my butt fitness-wise, I'd feel intimidated. If I'm next to someone who's my size and they're kicking my butt, then I think "hell, I can be that fit too!" It's a whole lot easier to keep up when you're thinking like that.

I'm starting to talk myself into thinking that voluntary segregation might be a good thing in this case. Anything that helps get people out there working out is a good thing. So long as it's voluntary.


Do you think this is a crazy idea, or will it actually help people?

The Pizza Diet, Size Issues, and Making a Change

It has come to our attention that supplies of cynicism are at an all-time low in many states around the country, and countries around the world. So this seems like a good time to run these studies past you. Besides, the really Deep & Serious post I was working on has gotten too deep and too serious. Thursdays require some levity.

The Red Wine & Pizza Diet

I'd hate for this to be the only blog that doesn't mention this new study.

A team of scientists at the University of Louis Pasteur claim to have discovered a drug SIRT1 that counteracts "some effects of a high-calorie diet." Chemically related to components found in red wine, this drug shifts the metabolism to "fat-burning mode" without side effects.

In mice, at any rate, it can prevent weight gain and improve blood sugar tolerance as well as insulin sensitivity. In other words, these mice can pig out on the Red-Wine-and-Pizza-Palooza diet without gaining weight.

Photo: Lulu

Is it too late to change my species to Mouse?

Who says size doesn't matter?

In a study of 7,000 women carried out by the University of Hawaii and published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 92 per cent of those who were overweight had slept with a man, as compared to 87 per cent of women of "normal" size.

Is that the truth? The whole Truth? Nothing but the truth?

Honestly, if some researcher came up to me and asked about my sex life, regardless of what size I was, I'd want to know either a)what she was smokin' or b)what she intended to pay me to talk about something that's none of her business. I certainly wouldn't feel it was my duty to tell her the absolute, strict, hand-on-the-Bible truth. Plus, being easily distracted/amused, I was distracted and amused by the fact that the main researcher's first name was 'Bliss.' (Never said I was deep & profound, okay?)

Okay, any parents out there, listen up. Be aware that what you name your child may affect her or his career decades later.

Want to make a difference? Register and maybe save a life

On a much more serious note, if you’re feeling altruistic you should know that November is Marrow Awareness Month in America. Anyone who donates at the National Marrow Donor Program can do so for free.

Apparently in many other countries, registration is free. In America it usually costs about $50. (The cost is to cover the process of tissue typing your sample.) To register as a bone marrow donor, you need to fill out a questionnaire, swab your cheek with a cotton swab, and mail the swab in to the donor program. (They provide a kit for swabbing.)

Being a bone marrow donor can save the life of someone suffering from leukemia and similar ailments. A lot of people are talking about Change right now. If you want to make a change, that's one way to do it. I'm going for it.

Do you see any reason not to become a bone marrow donor? Or are you still mulling over the wine-and-pizza diet, and the women of varying sizes?

Sex-22, Comfort food, & Ask Cranky Fitness

Thanks to Crabby and to John-the-Designer for putting together the new template! (They both put a lot of work into it.) And I totally love the "Random" link on the sidebar. Click it and you're instantly transported back in time to a previous Cranky Fitness episode.

[Intrusive Note from the Crab.... ironically, we are having technical difficulties this morning with the random post function so I had to remove it. It's been working fine up until last night! Since I don't know how it works--I just swiped the code from a blogger help site--I have no idea why it stopped working. I really liked it too! Sorry, will check into it and try to bring it back...]

Maybe to other people this has all the fascination of looking at someone's old photos, i.e. very little, but I think it's great fun. Also, I love random things in general, which is why this post came into existence. Yes, it's Random Tuesday.

Could this be the end of Ask Cranky Fitness?

That's what's known as a cheap attempt at an attention-getting headline. Did it work?


Here's the scoop:

Turns out we've got competition in the advice department. No, I'm not talking about that woman whose name rhymes with Crabby; I'm talking about Sidetaker.com.

It's a website that lets couples give their sides of an argument. People vote on which one is right, and leave comments giving advice. Not nearly as funny as the Ask Cranky Fitness posts, in my modest opinion but they get a whole lot of people writing in. There's something for everyone.

My latest favorite (favorite irritant) is the boyfriend who wrote in complaining that because his girlfriend was overweight, he was thinking of cheating on her. Her response was that she was 10 pounds over her ideal weight. (My own response would have been 'Get lost!', but maybe this guy had hidden depths that I can't appreciate. I mean, c'mon, 10 pounds over ideal makes him want to stray? If she were only 5 pounds over the ideal weight, would he flirt only half as much with other women?)

And how much does he weigh, hmmmn?

more animals

Please don't let this site stop you from sending in a question to Ask Cranky Fitness!

Weird Science about sex and the ultimate Catch-22

There was a story in the news about a woman who had a stroke, at 35, because of having sex. Geez, not only do you have to worry about smog, global warming, trans fats, and what to do with excess squash, now sex itself can be bad for your health.

If that wasn't bad enough, there's a study out that says having sex can help men to avoid ED (which in this case does not stand for eating disorder).

But... wait a minute. If you had ED, then you wouldn't be in a position (so to speak) to use the remedy that they're advocating for your condition. You're kinda... um, well, I have to say it... screwed. I suppose what they really mean is that you should practice preventative measures just in case the problem comes up. (I swear, there are times when every phrase I can think of seems to have a double meaning. Luckily, you are all too pure and innocent to recognize any double entendres ... oh, who am I kidding.)

Are your co-workers giving you the cold shoulder?


more animals

Social isolation makes people feel physically cold, find University of Toronto psychologists Chen-Bo Zhong, PhD, and Geoffrey J. Leonardelli, PhD.

Moreover, they find that making people feel left out makes them more likely to choose hot soup or coffee over warm or room-temperature foods and beverages.

"It's striking that people preferred hot coffee and soup more when socially excluded," Leonardelli says in a news release. "Our research suggests that warm chicken soup may be a literal coping mechanism for social isolation."

Gee... comfort food is a coping mechanism? Film at 11!

Is your boyfriend acting extremely cranky? Is he on a diet?

In the Depressing News department, a low-fat diet can also be detrimental to your health. Findings suggest a link between low cholesterol and violent death. "According to Dr. Beatrice Golomb, staff physician at San Diego Veterans Affairs Medical Center in California, it is possible that low cholesterol is accompanied by a reduction in the brain chemical serotonin, which is believed to control violent behavior. 'We know that low-serotonin people are more likely to commit suicide, especially by violent means, and homicide,' explained Golomb, who also works as a research professor of psychiatry at the University of Southern California."

I don't know how much faith to put in this finding, specifically the correlation between a low-fat diet and low-cholesterol & low-serotonin levels. I mean, yes, I can see that being on either extreme of the cholesterol range can be bad for you. A diet of 100% iceberg lettuce or 100% ice cream ditto. Being on the extreme of any range carries a risk. (Especially a firing range.) Doesn't mean I'm going to stop eating that oatmeal. I think I could live healthy & happy on the lower end of the low-fat diet, so long as I'm not on the edge.

The three Cs -- Carrots, Celery, and (the occasional) Cupcake!

Besides, if someone prone to anger went on a low-fat diet, would the first sign be an urge to grab an axe and go out looking for someone to harm? I would think that a person would first start with feelings of slight irritation, mild anger, moderate anger, working up to intense fury. This doesn't seem to me to be a reason to avoid low-fat diets. It seems like Yet Another Reason to practice that moderation stuff, the low-fat-with-the-occasional-treat diet.

Please tell me if you think differently about this. Or if you are on the side of the boyfriend of the woman who's 10 pounds overweight. Or if you have problems with the idea of cliff-hanging headlines. Or frankly, anything else. I promise, no cold shoulder.

Yep It's Friday, Time For... What?!!?

Hmm...The Real "Crabby" and "Mary?" You Never Know!
(Image courtesy of Plan59)

Mary: Hey, what happened? What am I doing here in Crabby's Random Friday post? Where are the beer studies and the cat pictures and the monkeys doing sit-ups?

Crabby: Hi Mary! Don't worry, you're supposed to be here. It's part of the Crab's evil scheme to enslave... er, invite you to become a regular here at the blog. The randomness shall soon return... perhaps even next week.

Mary: So you didn't drag me over here just because you forgot to find Random Research for this week?

Crabby: Um, no, of course not! Say... don't suppose you happen to have any Random Research on you?

Mary: (Patting her pockets) Gosh, I don't think so, but... Oh wait--here's a scholarly article! What a coincidence. Crabby? What the heck are you doing?

(Odd crackling and rustling noises... sounding curiously like the shedding of a thick crustacean shell)

Crabby: I'm just so thrilled to have company today I thought I'd slip out of the third person. Me, me, me! My, my, my! I, I, I-- Gosh, that feels good!

Mary: Holy @$#! Is that what a crab actually looks like without a shell? Um, I mean, hey! Good for you. Healthy self-confidence and all that.

Crabby: So do you think readers will notice that we're stealing ideas from Elastic Waist and having a little chat together the way Weetabix and Anne do?

Mary: Stealing? Let's just say we're "borrowing." Or a simple case of... co-evolution. At least that's what I plan on telling the lawyers if they come by asking questions.

Crabby: Lawyers? Yikes! Good thing I'm just a crab. I think marine creatures are hard to sue.

Mary: We'll hope it doesn't come to that. Otherwise, you might have to shell out a lot of clams...

(ba-dum-bum...)

Crabby: So what's this scholarly article you've got for us? I'm getting pretty behind in my blog reading so I'm not sure I'll have a chance to...

Mary: You mean Exploring the Mind-Body Orgasm?

Crabby: Oh! Perhaps I might have time to take a peek after all.

Mary: I know it's not your regular blog subject matter -- and some blogs wouldn't touch the topic with a 10 foot pole.

Crabby: So to speak.

Mary: Not that the size of the pole is relevant ...um ... ahem. Anyway, I understand Cranky Fitness is not troubled by questions of regularity or even irregularity for that matter.

Crabby: No. We're always so regular here we don't even make an issue of it. It's probably all that coffee first thing in the morning. Anyway, tell us more about this mind/body/orgasm thing.

Mary: Well, what's really intriguing about this study is how much of human sexuality occurs above the waist or even above the neck. Literally, in the case of that one woman with the vibrator on her neck... Okay, now stop giggling.

Crabby: I didn't think you could hear me!

Mary: The point is that a whole lot of human experience occurs in the mind. Including fitness.

Crabby: That's right. And cupcake cravings! They occur in the mind too. Not far from where the orgasms live, I think, but I don't have a brain map handy.

Mary: I have a brain map around somewhere... I'll lend it to you. Once I find where I put it. And you're right -- cupcake cravings are a seriously under-researched phenomenon.

Crabby: We need more cupcake research! Where do I sign up? I hear a lot of studies have trouble getting enough volunteers...

Mary: I'm not sure the orgasm study had that problem.

Crabby: Ah. So somehow they have found selfless volunteers willing to have orgasms for the greater good. Even knee-orgasms! That was the best part of the article. I was very pleased to learn people can have knee orgasms and nose orgasms.

Mary: ANYway, I would argue that being able to accept yourself as a sexual creature is a sign of fitness.

Crabby: Fitness? Really? Are you saying we can skip all that tiresome aerobic stuff and just start sleeping around instead? But I suppose some people might say that's immoral.

Mary: It's not a question of morality; I'm not trying to dictate how or even if you express the sexual side of yourself. I'm suggesting it might be a good idea to accept that it exists.

Crabby: We have sexual sides? Horrors!

Mary: (Balances herself precariously on a rickety soap box) It should be possible to discuss sex without becoming Puritanical. Americans in particular (like me) tend to automatically go into Puritan mode if the subject comes up.

Crabby: Puritan Mode? I'm not sure I've ever been in Puritan Mode. Sounds like a new boutique--I bet they've got lots of practical smocks and sensible shoes! I'll have to check it out.

Mary: Just make sure to avoid any smocks with the letter 'A' on them...

Crabby: Oh, right. But scarlet is such a pretty color!

Mary: I'm reminded of a story that Helene Hanff used to tell: when the Pilgrim fathers caught a man having a love affair with a cow, they not only hanged the man, they hanged the cow. Let's try to look at this study without having a cow about it.

Crabby: Well put!

Mary: (Struggling to stay balanced on the soap box) From the point of view of the biologist, sex is the most fundamental human drive. Trust me on this. I've dated biologists. If even sexuality is to a large extent carried on in the brain, how much more should we be focusing our minds on trying to achieve other goals as well?

Crabby: Other goals?

Mary: Physical fitness, mental fitness, a sense of humor, an end to global warming, damnit... all of this starts in the brain.

Crabby: Wow. I could swear the only thing in my brain are neurotic tendencies and a bunch of old tv commercial jingles! (My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R ...)

Mary: (to herself) Hmmmn. She names her delicatessen comestibles. I think I'm in trouble here... (falls over with a crash)...

Crabby: Oh dear. Mary? Mary? Are you OK? Want to wish all the Cranky Fitness readers a Happy Friday?

Mary: Mrrhhhggrhrrrmph!

Post-Thanksgiving Mini-Roundup!

Why So "Mini?"
So it's traditional at Cranky Fitness to throw a few random links together at the end of the week--sometimes health-related, and sometimes... not so much. But as it's a holiday weekend, a lot of you may not actually be here reading this at all!

Instead you might be out braving crowded department stores in search of Perfect Christmas Gifts (muttering and sweating and cursing the lines, vowing that next time, you will simply use the handy search box of your favorite Amazon Affiliate). Or perhaps at this very moment you are in transit from a family visit, on an airplane--smiling serenely and reading a great novel, or downing cocktails from cute little miniature liquor bottles, or pulling your hair out in huge clumps as a sacrifice to the airplane Gods so that the plane won't crash--however it is that you choose to fly.

In any event, you may not be here. So this will be a much smaller bunch of randomness than usual. In fact, Crabby wasted a bunch of space apologizing last week for slackiness, which in retrospect, was totally jumping the gun.

But since these are great sites that could take some time to explore, fewer is better! And, coincidentally, way easier for the Crab to round up.


Word Power!
So first up is Free Rice, a totally addictive web site that Terrie from Women of Mystery featured on her blog. It's a vocabulary test, a learning device, and an easy way to donate to charity without actually spending any money. Got a great vocabulary and want to feel smug? Don't know any words and want to learn some? You can do all that while donating tiny grains of rice to hungry people! Of course you'd probably make even more of a difference by writing a large check--but, well, then you'd have to write a large check. Should that not be affordable, a few grains of rice are better than no grains of rice and it all adds up.

(And by the way--Terrie has a story featured in the mystery anthology "Murder New York Style," a compilation (available at Amazon) that looks awesome. If you're way behind on your reading like Crabby is at the moment, check it out and order it up for yourself or your favorite mystery buff for Christmas. (An ad would logically appear here now if Crabby could figure out how to do it (they've changed the instructions). But you can go to Women of Mystery or just type the title into the handy sidebar search box!)


Boomer Health & Silliness
So next is a cute little animated cartoon about baby boomers that Marijke found. And by the way, her health blog is packed with actual health information--something that has been scarce of late at Cranky Fitness.


More Teen Sex!
Already dreading all the wholesome family entertainment on tap for the holiday season? Encouraged by the news that Teen Sex may not be the Road Straight to Hell our parents warned us about after all? Well, for those of us who don't do much wholesome, here's a great viewing alternative: The Midwest Teen Sex Show.

Warning: oh, hell, do we really need a warning? It's a funny show about SEX! Dirty words are mentioned and some of the advice is sarcastic and twisted, though informative nonetheless. You can get it as a podcast or watch it on their site. And don't worry, there is something there to offend almost anyone, because it's HILARIOUS. (And thanks to Feministing for alerting us to the site).


Half-Naked Men!

And finally (speaking of wholesome), as a special present to one of our very favorite commenters, Holly*, Cranky Fitness directs your attention to Undies Drawer. Yes, it is--a whole website dedicated to Good Looking Men Posing in their Underwear!

And yeah, as you might expect, it seems pretty much gay. But lots and lots of Beefcake for admirers of the male physique, whatever gender those admirers may be.

*Note: Poor Holly made the mistake of mentioning once, in a comment, that the content-generated ads at Cranky Fitness were no longer featuring handsome men in their underwear. She is not, to our knowledge, battling any sort of male underwear ad-viewing addictions.

Hope you all are having a great weekend, wherever you may be!

Teen Sex Study: Surprise!

This is just a quick weekend toss-it-up-there post, but this study was just too interesting to pass up.

So if the newspaper articles are titled anything like this web story, are parents going to be hiding their local Journals and Couriers and Examiners and Independents for a few days?

Or are they going to clip out the articles and hand them to little Madison and Jason immediately so they won't miss finding out: "Early Sexual Activity May Curb Teen Delinquency."

Wow. This is not what everyone previously thought. In fact,we've been hearing pretty much the opposite all our lives.

So do you think the local school boards, PTA's, Church groups, social service organizations, etc, now armed with this new information, should start handing out condoms instead of anti-sex morality lectures? Hmm... that'll probably happen, lets see... when hell freezes over.

The study followed 534 same-sex twin pairs between 1994 and 2002, which would seem to filter out some of the confounding social and economic factors that you'd get if you just compared "kids who end up having sex early" with "kids who ended up waiting."

Said one of the study's authors: "There is a cultural assumption in the United States that if teens have sex early, it is somehow bad for their psychological health. But we actually found that teens who had sex earlier seem to have better relationships later. Now we want to find out why."

This being a Saturday, Cranky Fitness hereby absolves itself from checking out whether this was a peer reviewed study from a reputable source or something less reliable. (We will just note that it came out of the University of Virginia and was published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence--but that the lead researcher is still a Ph.D. candidate.)

Cranky Fitness just liked this study, even though it did not, itself, "start early."

However, those of you who are the parents of teenagers may not find yourselves quite as amused and pleasantly surprised by this information, should it turn out to be true.

Any thoughts?

Pole Dancing for Girls: WTF?

So Diet Blog (and probably lots of other fine blogs too) ran a fascinating report recently on a new phenomenon: girls as young as seven taking "pole dancing" classes. (The photo, however, is presumably not of a seven year old unless she is Very Mature for Her Age; it was borrowed from the Pole Dance page of the always informative Wikipedia).

For those who don't watch much TV or frequent strip clubs: pole dancing is what erotic dancers do so they don't have to just walk up on stage, take off their clothes, and stand there naked. In strip clubs, the moves are often quite suggestive--and why wouldn't they be? Men don't go to a strip clubs to sip tea and listen to classical music and discuss existentialism. They go to... appreciate cleverly choreographed dance routines executed by women who happen to be naked.

Now, however, pole dancing has apparently gained popularity among women who are not erotic dancers. Classes are being offered in some of the more adventurous health clubs around the world because lots of female lawyers and cashiers and housewives don't get objectified enough in their daily lives so they secretly yearn to be strippers gymnastic routines performed on a vertical pole can be a great way to build core strength and flexibility.

However, it's not just adult women who are taking these classes; young girls want to join in the fun too.

First off, Crabby feels a bit sleazy herself even writing a post about this--is Pre-Teen Pole Dancing really a "trend" we need to worry about? The story comes all the way from Australia, and there is no evidence that Crunch or Gold's Gym or Curves is out there aggressively leafleting elementary school playgrounds trying to scare up future strippers. Crabby's guess is that a few girls Down Under went to a class or two and a clever reporter sensed the Outrage Potential and ran with it.

But, well, it worked. Crabby saw the headline and felt duly outraged.

Seven year old girls should not be going to classes to learn how to become sexy pretend-strippers.

Even if they're not doing the "adult" moves. Even if the instructors claim that the girls have no way of knowing that "pole dancing" has any other context besides being a wholesome athletic after-school activity.

If they don't know now, they will know soon. How will a little girl who chose Pole Dancing Class instead of Tap Dancing Class feel about her choice in a few years when she finds out what Pole Dancing is really about? Pleased? Embarassed? Neither scenario seems quite desirable. Either she know and its Icky or she doesn't and it's Unfair.

There are a bazillion other athletic activities young girls can engage in to get fit. To send your child to "pole dancing class" and think you can magically erase the context in which this kind of "dancing" came about? This attitude seems naive.

Crabby could go on a whole rant about the sexual objectification of young girls in our culture. (Or of grown women, for that matter. Crabby is still decades behind the times and is uncool enough to wonder where the hell feminism went).

But she'll restrain herself and we'll just stick to Junior Pole Dancing for now.

One of the most interesting things about the Diet Blog post was reading the comments. Crabby thought for sure everyone would agree that this was a Bad Thing, but there were plenty of intelligent comments from those who took a different point of view! They didn't change Crabby's mind, but it made her wonder if she's just being Reflexively Cranky about the issue.

So what do you folks think? Would you send your daughter (or son, for that matter) to Pole Dancing class?

Friday Freakishness

Yep, it's time again for Friday's random health and not-so-health related linkage!

First up: Soldiers in Iraq, particularly female soldiers, are going off and getting cosmetic surgery without permission, according to this interesting blog post. (The source is actually a military site with ads like "Imagine...No Liberals!" so caution is advised). Anyway, these unauthorized surgeries are becoming more popular because troops are getting paid more now than they used to, and medical procedures over there are cheap.

Apparently military folks are getting breast augmentation, nose jobs, liposuction and tummy tucks, which are sometimes botched by unqualified doctors! Crabby knows the first thing she'd think of doing if sent off to a foreign land to fight a bloody war is go get elective cosmetic surgery. How 'bout you? But unfortunately, troops are ending up sidelined from duty for extended periods when they should be off doing soldiery things instead.

And via Healthbolt, always a favorite source of amusing but educational health items: A speed-dating study out of Indiana University came to this conclusion: men look for beauty in assessing potential partners, while women seek wealth and financial security. Shocking, declares Cranky Fitness, just shocking!

The study also found that women were pickier than men. While men on average wanted to see about one out of two of the women again, the women wanted to meet only a third of the men. (The article didn't say which third--lets just be tasteful and assume the top third, from the chest up.)

And now a weird, too-small-to-be-useful, but intriguing study of Poets and Suicide, brought to Cranky Fitness by PsyBlog, a thoughtful psychology blog that Crabby somehow hadn't come across before. The study (which can be found here) used a computer program to analyze the text of 300 poems written by 20 different poets, half of whom eventually committed suicide. What sort of differences did they find in their poems?

Suicidal poets were not more likely to use words associated with negative emotions or mention death than the non-suicidal poets. However, they were more likely to use the first-person singular (I, me, my) than non-suicidal poets. And suicidal poets focused on sex more than non-suicidal poets.

So: "There once was a man from Nantucket..." was simply a cry for help? (Note: Crabby did not even realize there was a non-obscene version of this limerick, but apparently it all started off quite innocently!)

Now we make the leap from Surgery, Sex, and Death... to Fitness! But at least it's not Boring Old Normal Fitness.

So Kelly from Fitness Fixation, whom Crabby already adores, wrote a very funny post recently about blogging and swearing. (Her Mom even pipes up in the Comments; it's really cute). However, Crabby couldn't quite figure out how to sell that as health-related. But it turns out Kelly has another great post over at That'sfit in which she tells us How to Get Fit by Slinging Your Beloved Family Members Around Like Human Barbells! Now THAT is fitness related, so we're good! (And actually, the post contains some really smart ideas about exercising with your kids).

But here's where it starts to get weirder, because, well, Crabby doesn't have any kids so she was googling around looking for instructions on how to use one's pets as barbells. (Not for real! Just to find a funny picture, she swears).

Alas, no funny (free) pictures, but she did find some weird animal exercise stuff! She'll spare you the rest of them but she'll leave you with this bit of strangeness: (Warning: you may want to Turn Down Your Sound because this contains annoying music).

Crabby has NO idea what to make of that.

Anyway, she hopes you all have a great weekend! Crabby may stop by the blog and post something inconsequential, or she may go outside instead and play in the sunshine!

UPDATE: Well, Crabby was playing in the sunshine, but she returned home from her exciting adventures to discover her Feed was Suddenly Invalid! Crabby needs to feel Validated as much and as often as possible--so to be told that she now has Zero subscribers was a bit of a shock. She's going to Monkey Around with this post and see if perhaps the embedded YouTube video destroyed her feed, since that's the only thing unusual about it. She'll replace it with a link and see if that helps.

Really Random Friday

(Album cover photo: danacountryman.com)

Crabby isn't even going to try to tie this mess together with any sort of theme.

And for those of you not too distracted by the brunette's butt cleavage, here's some Dry Scientific Research. But have patience, later there will be Sex and Shopping!

Night shift workers do not, apparently, face higher cancer rates than day shift workers, or at least this study of Swedish workers failed to find any connection. Researchers analyzed nearly 20 years' worth of data. Earlier studies had suggested there might be a link. Crabby is glad because that just didn't seem fair!

And since we were very recently talking about Sunshine, Vitamin D, and breast cancer, there is another new study suggesting that increased intake of D-3 could prevent hundreds of thousands of cancer cases a year. The researchers recommended supplementation 2000 IU of D3 a day, plus moderate sun exposure (but not more than 15 minutes without the use of "clothing" and a hat). Damn, there go Crabby's Nude Sunbathing plans for the weekend! (Note: that was just Gratuitous Bold Text, something Crabby is having fun with today. There is No Actual Link to Pictures of Crabby Nude Sunbathing!) Anyway, from what Crabby has read previously, she suspects not all researchers would agree with these guy's recommendations, but she is too lazy to go find opposing points of view.

Despite all the controversy around Surgery to Reduce Stomach Size apparently bariatric surgery does save lives--at least among the severely obese. In one study, surgery to reduce stomach size cut the overall risk of death by 40%; in another, there was a reduction of 29%.

This was widely reported elsewhere, but it seems to be Big News that Many Seniors Are Still Having Sex. However, in this cheerful update on the sex lives of those in their 70's and 80's, "sexually active" was defined as having sex once a year. Crabby has decided to be contrarian about this whole thing, because, well, she's just that way.

In any event, despite the Horny Headlines, only 26% of men aged 75 to 85 were getting any, even once a year, and women were even less likely to be doing it. (And only 50% of men and 25% of women even indulged in admitted to masturbation!) Crabby has no agenda around Senior Sex--seems to her it fine to have Lots or None at All. Whatever! She just wonders why all the headlines seemed to go out of the way to make it sound like Old Folks are Doin' it like Bunny Rabbits, when that seems not actually to be the case. (And you may note that though the survey was of US seniors, the Yahoo people apparently had to go Spain to find a picture of two Elders smoochin').

Now, on to less scientific stuff!

So Crabby was not the only one who went clothes shopping recently. This post by the always amusing Vanilla at Half-Fast had Crabby laughing her brand new faux size 2's off.

Need to Nag Yourself About Something? This useful site, Hassle Me, allows you to harass yourself by email at various intervals--to bug yourself to go to the gym every few days, or call your mother, or whatever. It may have an Evil Application too: it looks like you can specify other people's email addresses and hassle them too!

And finally, here's a Really Random Observation:

So you know when you set up a Blogger profile you can specify an occupation? Crabby, when she started her blog, decided to call herself a "Professional Layabout." Well, recently the Blogger people did some updating and organized things, and suddenly Crabby's "occupation" was Highlighted in Blue--which means it was a link! Crabby excitedly clicked on the link and discovered there were 21 other Professional Layabouts! Crabby has no idea why she finds this amusing.

Update note: Crabby does not know why suddenly the line spacing has changed on her posts but she doesn't like it! It's too cramped. If any Bloggers have any ideas about how/where to fix this (she can't seem to find the right button) please advise!) Update to the update: If anyone else encounters this line-space problem after a picture or list, Med Journal Watch had a fix which hopefully won't mess anything else up. Coincidentally, it's a health site with a more careful and critical analysis of the bariatric surgery study Crabby just casually cited today. (Date stamp should be fixed too).


Oh hell, just say anything you want!