Bring it On

By Crabby McSlacker

photo: U.S. Air Force

So it's Holiday Season!

But wait, where's Santa Claus? No Menorah? No sugar cookies or snowmen or pine trees? And what's with the spunky aviator gals in leather jackets, that's not very Christmassy!

Well, okay, traditionally the holidays are a time for festive celebrations, fun, frivolity, togetherness, and generosity. But also they're a time for year-end reflection. And my goodness, what a year 2017 has been!

What a year indeed.

So, setting aside any bright moments you may have enjoyed in your personal life this year (and I'm hoping there were many, many of them!)... does anyone else think that 2017 may have been the most toxic, noxious, depressing, abysmal, terrifying nightmare of a year we've ever experienced?

Appreciating the Holidays during the Shittiest Year Ever

By Crabby McSlacker

So the holiday season has arrived, and traditionally this is a time for joy and togetherness. Yet for many of us, this year hardly seems time for celebration.

And I know, this is a health blog, not a political blog. But I feel like I have to acknowledge the elephant in the room---the scary mean orange elephant, the angry beast who defeated the diligent, highly qualified donkey and now rules the world.

These are scary times. It feels too fake and weird to just pretend everything is normal.

We have a president-elect gearing up to destroy our democracy. Not out of malice or twisted ideology. No, Trump is not some epic villain for the ages with a sinister grand plan--he's just arrogant. Ignorant. Entitled. Vindictive. Uninhibited. Mendacious. Greedy. Narcissistic.

Every day comes some fresh outrage, something that would have, in times past, shocked the populace, made bold headlines, brought down administrations. Yet there are never any repercussions. Well, we get funny SNL skits and Samantha Bee rants and Facebook petitions. They makes us feel better momentarily, but we're still facing the same horrific reality a few minutes later.

Am I offending some of you pro-Trump people out there? I'm sorry.  But I'm offended you elected this racist, sexist, irrational, authoritarian, hate-filled monster to lead our country.

But hey, if you supported Trump and are somehow still willing to put up with my occasional rants, you are still most welcome here!

So what's the health angle here?  It's this: bazillions of studies have shown that feelings of gratitude and appreciation are good for us. Cultivating appreciation, even in the midst of political shitstorms, improves our physical and mental health, and makes us far less likely to be assholes to those around us.

So I thought I'd go first:  what are a few things that I'm especially appreciating this year as the holidays roll around?

Healthy Holiday Gifts: Some Thoughts. Because What the Hell.

Portable music players: always a classic!
photo: xray delta one

By Crabby McSlacker

Holy guacamole, it's been a long time since I've posted on this blog. I kinda thought I might be done forever.

But here I am again! I'm not entirely sure why, it just felt like time to reconnect. And if anyone is actually still out there, it would be lovely to touch base with y'all again. My guess is, posting will still be quite sporadic, but who knows?

One problem with not posting for a long time: there are a million shlabillion gerbzillion things that have piled up in my head that I feel like I should talk about. (Okay, perhaps my grasp of the nomenclature used in advanced mathematics is a little tenuous).  Yet none of them seem all that profound when I start to write about them. And I hate to just throw a bunch of travel pictures at you, which is often my default when I've been blogslacking for extended periods of time. But I do promise an update at some point, if blogging becomes a Thing again.

So in my first attempt at a post, I somehow got sideswiped by a bitter, fury-fueled rant about the horror of our recent elections. I couldn't help it. And I'm not sorry I went through the exercise: like an episode of violent vomiting when stomach flu strikes, it actually made me feel a little better afterward. But I realized that a screeching protest about the surreal state we find ourselves in as a nation might not the best way to begin again after a long hiatus. Especially for a health and fitness blog.

Instead, what makes for a more innocuous, google-friendly, and unvomitlike fresh start than a blog post topic like:

Healthy Holiday Gifts!

(And ok, there's a timing reason for this too:  there's a BIG SALE on one idea that ENDS TODAY. (Although there is still time for a discount, just not as big.)

Happy Holidays from Cranky Fitness! Plus, Very Last-Minute Gift Idea

photo via James Vaughan

By Crabby McSlacker

Whatever winter holiday you celebrate, and whatever your favorite traditions are,

photo via James Vaughan

let's hope it was, or is, or will be, a lovely, peaceful, and joyous occasion! I'll be very curious if any of you are willing to share what your winter celebrations are like.

I've been blogslackin' again, but not just due to the buying-a-new-house-on-a-whim shenanigans. I'm back to working on my novel again. (Yay?)

But not being around as much as I used to be, I've been really missing everyone. You guys rock! You are part of my community, part of my family even, and I know exactly how weird that sounds. And so before I start the whole New Year's Resolution Let's Kick Ass in 2016 yada yada yada stuff, I want to sincerely wish you all the happiest of holidays. 

As you may know, here at the Crab and Lobster household, we are not religious. Nor do we believe that there is a  jolly fat guy in a red suit who circumnavigates the globe distributing presents with the help of flying reindeer. Thankfully, we have no children to indoctrinate with any improbable Christmas myths either. Because isn't that a weird cultural tradition when you think about it?  "Let's all lie to our kids about Santa Claus until they get old enough to figure out that we're full of shit. So when it's time for those "stay in school" and "don't smoke" and "be nice to everyone, even the unpopular kids" lectures, we'll have absolutely no credibility!

But again, no kids here, so what do I know?

So anyway, we celebrate "Christmas" because that's what we both grew up with. But it's a Christ-free, Santa-free, low key version of Christmas. "Christmas Lite."

It's mainly about connecting with family and friends.  And hell, let's be clear: it's also about desserts. And Presents. We've tried to be grown-ups and skip the over-eating and the presents part, but as it turns out? We like stuffing our faces with sweets and getting and giving presents.

Every year we say: "let's not do anything about presents this year!" "Let's not eat a whole bunch of cookies and cakes and candies until we're ready to explode!" And every year, we are totally lying.

Fortunately, we both grew up with the "open presents Christmas morning" tradition, not the horrible alternative, the jump-the-gun, Christmas Eve unwrapping.  I know this is customary in some countries and cultures, but WTF? You wake up Christmas morning and the holiday is already over? No, no, no, a thousand times no! That's just wrong. (For us!) 

We also drag Christmas morning out as long as possible. One person, opening one present at a time. Everyone watches and exclaims. Even if we are just opening gift cards for retailers we have specifically requested ahead of time.

This year, we are more geographically far-flung than usual, which is a bummer.  But we are hoping to have a happy Skype-mas and share the present unwrapping festivities via the interwebs.  (Fingers crossed).

But Speaking of Christmas Presents...

Do you sometimes find it hard to buy something that is useful enough not to be a total waste of money, yet not so everyday-useful as to be a bit... unexciting?

No, actually, they don't.

photo via James Vaughan

I can not recall the last time I fondled my vacuum-cleaner.

photo via James Vaughan

Or maybe you just want to buy yourself a present? But one that would actually reduce suicidal or homicidal ideation during a stressful holiday season?

Well, some of you may be ahead of me here, because as you may recall, I'm a big fan of Rick Hanson's programs, and his awesome Foundations of Well-Being Program is on sale if you sign up before January 1st! Plus, there's a 30-day money-back guarantee if you sign up and then flake out.

Am I an affiliate? Hell yes! But the reason I pimp for Rick is because he is insanely smart and helpful, not because I get an occasional check. I get tons of affiliate offers (God knows why, for an almost-dead blog, but whatever) and I turn 'em all down. Because apparently I'm too stupid to be motivated by money.

I could go on forever about what a great resource the program is, because not only do you get Rick's presentations, there are guest speakers, activities, quizzes, forums etc, plus a monthly live Q&A. 

This stuff really works: you CAN rewire your brain for more happiness.  But gosh, guess what? It takes a little practice, and consistency, and effort. Most people find that without some kind of structured program, it just doesn't happen.  

(Note: if you plug "Rick Hanson" in the search box at Cranky Fitness, you can read a scary, almost stalkery number of posts singing his praises. To sum up, Rick is (a) brainy (b) warm (c) funny (e) humble (f) pragmatic (h) straight-forward (i) entertaining and (j) a hell of a nice guy.

Could you, or anyone you love, benefit from a program like this? Then get a move on, and if you pay for the year upfront before January 1, you get a big discount. More info at the Foundations of Well-Being site.

Of course I can't find my affiliate log-in info, because I am a disorganized nincompoop, and waited 'til the last minute to put this post up. So if the link doesn't work, bear with me, I'll figure it out when Rick's peeps are back in the office. Just let me know if you try to sign up and it ain't happening. Also, I'm not exactly sure how you gift it. There's always the endearing home made gift certificate approach, right? And then you figure out the sign-up thing with your recipient once it's not a surprise. (Or heck, there may be a gift option, but I can't get very far in the sign-up process to test it because I'm already signed up).

Oh, and in other business news, I just wanted to alert and remind anyone who's thinking about going to the Prevention R3 Summit in Austin with me that it's coming up before too long: it's January 15th and 16th.  Remember when I blogged about the R3 Summit? It's a women's health summit with tons of speakers, demonstrations, etc, and now they've added Joan Lunden to the line-up too.  Maybe a little motivation for any New Years goals you may be contemplating? But our discount code has changed, it's now PVNR3SDCRANKY1. (But I'm NOT an affiliate on this one, just attending for kicks and possible free food).

So what do you guys do to celebrate (or not) the winter holidays? Any other good very last-minute gift ideas?

The Problem With Gratitude

Photo found here: Lack of Gratitude

By Crabby McSlacker

Seriously, a blog post dissing Gratitude? Have I gone completely bonkers?

It's hard to think of a more ridiculous target for complaint. Gratitude is pretty much universally acknowledged to be the most healthy, positive, healing, transformative, awesomest mental state we can possibly cultivate. Right?

Gratitude practice is a Thing now, backed by libraries full of gratitude research. Short of advocating that we step up our efforts to club more baby seals, or start tossing crippled old people out of their wheelchairs for sport, or convert all our national parks into nuclear testing sites, it's hard to imagine a less defensible position than one griping about gratitude.

But hell, I'm up for it!

Happy Fourth!

According to MessyMimi who is a great source kooky calendar events (and adorable cats): Today is also St. Ulrich's Day!

This is good to know given that he is the Patron Saint of peaceful deaths, pregnant women and weavers. Plus, he can protect you against birth complications, dizziness, faintness, fever, frenzy, mice, moles, and vertigo.

Anyway, whether you are Canadian and are still recovering from your national holiday, or are American and are going to do something Fourthy today, have fun!

We're going to be having dinner with some lovely neighbors and dodging Hurricane Arthur, who is being a butthead and causing our fireworks to be postponed until tomorrow night.  

Anyone actually around today? Got any fun plans?

Mother's Day is Nigh...

image found at EastTwin WestTwin

I'm not a mother myself, which is probably for the best.

Sneak Attack--Monthly Goals

Photo: byron chin

So, we're a month away from that most amusing time of year, New Years Resolution Season!

Hope springs eternal, eh?

I know not everyone is a fan of the annual Resolution Ritual.  Each year, millions of earnest folks set lofty goals and then, for the most part, totally blow 'em off a few weeks or days or even hours later.

Getting healthier and/or more productive generally involves willpower, self-discipline, and deprivation--and dressing it up in a party hat, alas, doesn't make it suck any less.

Portion control? Nooooooo!!!

photo: tambako

But, if you, like me, can't help but join in the annual Failure Festivities... what if we give ourselves a fighting chance this year?

Here's my sneaky plan, if anyone else wants to play along.

Goodbye, 2012!

Just a quick post to wish all a Happy New Year!  And to warn you there will probably some sort of resolution-related post Jan 2nd, as well as an announcement about the winners of the Awesome Sports Bra Giveaway.

And are we all grown ups here?  New Year's Eve does tend to skew a little more Adult that other holidays in terms of celebrating.

Happy December 25th!

Not everyone celebrates Christmas, but at least for some of us, December 25th is a lovely time to give and get presents.  Hooray for presents!

Er, wait, no. Of course not. How crass! That's not what Christmas is about.

Secret Holiday Weight Loss Trick

So yeah, while this is actually a handy weight loss tip if you can take advantage of it, the post could be more accurately be titled: Warning, Fitness Blogger With Shitty Camera Phone Ahead.

Anyway, what's the Secret Trick?

Holiday Healthy Gift Guide (And Giveaway)

Image: Plan 59

Got gifts let to buy? Or perhaps you'd like to pass on ideas to well-meaning loved ones who will otherwise bestow you with an assortment of nightgowns, scarves, scented soap, and Festively Wrapped Gift Baskets Full of Tasteful But Toxic Junk Food.

Well, no worries, we've got a bunch of ideas! Most of them are unsolicited, though a few came from a desire to try out Stuff For Free. We'll make sure to disclose any freebies so that you can adjust your skept-o-meter accordingly.

Wait, hold on... what's this "we" business?

Yep, it's true, I got some help on this one. The Lobster offered to take on some Product Testing and Review Duty for a few gift items that caught her eye. She's even responsible for bringing us this week's giveaway: Leela, a meditation video game from Deepak Chopra. And, thank goodness, this one is open to those in the US, Canada and Australia.

So for those of you with gifts left to buy, or who want to win a cool meditation game, or those of you who just want to check in and gloat give helpful advice because you're done shopping already, it's time for the Cranky Fitness 2011 Holiday Fitness Gift Guide!

Cartoon: Natalie Dee

Healthy Food Gift Ideas

The holidays make a great opportunity to foster healthy habits by splurging a bit, either for a loved one or yourself.  So consider...

Treats! Keep an eye out for tempting but reasonably healthy items like fancy dried fruits and nuts, whole grain cookies and crackers, healthy jams and spreads, organic wine, juices, or dark chocolate bars. (My personal favorite: the Endangered Species brand. Given my consumption rate, I've probably saved at few herds of rhinos by now). You could even make your own hand-selected gift basket.  And, depending on your recipient's dietary restrictions, you can find vegan, gluten-free, low-carb, raw, primal etc options if you shop online or in specialty stores.

 Perhaps not the specialty item you were looking for?

Other possibilities: You could also think about a fruit/wine/whatever of the month membership, or gift certificate at a reasonably healthy restaurant or health food store. (Our go-to treat gift certificate request tends to be for Pinkberry, a fancy-pants frozen yogurt place that's a the perfect holiday combo of Tasty, Healthy-ish, and Too Expensive to Treat Yourself Very Often). Or perhaps you could even go whole (humanely raised) hog and give a share of a CSA farm.

Oh, and one recent discovery in the snack food category: Brad's Raw Chips. I got these for free to try, but am now a big fan and have actually asked family members for the Holiday Bundle for Christmas. If said family members don't dutifully fork over, I'll be buying more myself.

The deal with the raw chips: they're ridiculously freakin' healthy. I tried the Vampire Killer, Leafy Kale, and Sweet Potato chips. They're dried at a low temperature to preserve raw food nutritional awesomeness, and are not baked or fried. Ingredients are natural and pretty darn virtuous.

Are they the perfect gift for anyone? Eh, perhaps not. Best for someone with pre-existing health-food-eating propensities. They taste like crunchy seasoned vegetables, but in some flavors like Vampire Killer, the yeasty flavor is pretty noticeable. But I thought they were tasty, especially for a guilt-free snack, and quite filling too due to the high protein and fiber content.  Downside? They ain't cheap.  But if a serving of these prevents an unplanned stop at Burger King, it may be a price well worth paying.

Fancy and/or Healthy Ingredients: If your recipient likes to cook, look for exotic spices, oils, vinegars, unfamiliar but highly touted healthy grains, grass-fed meat, etc. And here's where I'll put in another plug for the Vitamin D Mushroom powder I got to try courtesy of the Dole folks.  It's a great Vitamin D source for vegans and those who prefer natural supplements, but here's the weirdest thing I found: over time I've gotten strangely fond of the earthy, chocolate-like taste.  The flavor blends well not just in savory dishes but with nutty flavors, vanilla, chocolate, nutmeg, coffee, etc.  I put in my green smoothie with other healthy spices and am actually planning to buy more myself when my free bottle runs out.

Healthy Cooking

Gadgets!  Might a new kitchen accessory make healthy meal preparation more appealing?  Think about blenders, food processors, countertop grills, juicers, choppers, freezable glass tupperwarish storage containers (no icky BPA's), rice cookers, non-toxic bakeware (we use nonstick USA pans in the Crab/Lobster household), bread makers, good knives, windowsill herb gardens, etc.  Inspired by the raw chips above, I'm asking for a food dehydrator for Christmas and will keep you posted if it turns out to be useful.

And if you're looking for a more high-tech kitchen gift idea?  HuffPo has a handy high tech cooking gift guide. 

Or wait... how about a combo kitchen and exercise gift?  (And yes, the Fender Blender does appear to be a real product.) 

Photo: Fender Blender

Healthy Cookbooks, DVD's.  Tons of choices out there.  Some of them awesome!  Some of them... well, less so.

 Photo: Gallery of Regrettable Food

Recipe Girl has a round-up of much better choices, as does Simple Bites.  And Diets in Review has a couple of recommendations too.

Or, if you want to save a few bucks, make a cookbook yourself!  Scour the web for recipes you think your loved one might like to try, print 'em out, add some of your own favorites, perhaps throw in some personal stuff, put a cover on it all and voila!  It's a "hand made" gift.  You can save money, feel crafty, and be a sneaky advocate for healthy cooking.

Fitness Equipment

The great thing about giving a gift to a physically active person? Virtually all exercise fiends need stuff. Whether it's an "invisible shoe" for an almost-barefoot runner, or a swinging trapeze for your favorite circus acrobat, there's a good chance there's something out there that would make their chosen activity easier, safer, or at least hipper looking.

However, serious sports or fitness buffs tend to be rather particular about what they like in terms of clothing and equipment. Consider asking them what they need to avoid the pained smile followed by the half-hearted "Um, thanks!" Getting a gift certificate from a favorite sports-specific store might be another way to go.

For more general-purpose fitness needs, a few possibilities are: exercise DVD's, yoga mats, stability balls, doorway pull-up bars (I have the cheapo "as seen on TV!" Iron Gym, which works perfectly well, but I ain't gonna link to it because the site yammers at you when you arrive), kettlebells, foam rollers, bosu balls, suspension trainers like the TRX or Jungle Gym, jump ropes, elastic bands, sports watches, interval timers, wobbble boards, barbell or dumbell sets, stretching aids, and water bottles (stainless-steel with no BPA is a great idea).

Fitness and Activity Monitoring Devices

Beware of surprising someone with one of these gadgets unless you know they're happily OCD about numerical measurements of health and fitness. Because sure, a high-tech scale or pedometer or calorie burning monitor may seem like a nifty gift if you've been wanting one yourself. (And yes, as a matter of fact I am still addicted to my BodyMedia Fit armband and Polar FT4 Heart Rate Monitor, both of which sponsors gave me for free). But unfortunately, recipients of these sort of gifts may interpret your benevolence as a not-so-subtle suggestion get off their lazy asses and drop a few pounds. Not necessarily a happy holiday sentiment.

However, these are great gifts to ask for yourself, especially if you're female and asking a boyfriend or husband for a fitness gift. Or is it just an ill-informed stereotype that dudes are more gadget-oriented than gals? I'm thinking heart rate monitors, gps devices, Fitbits, etc may make an easier and more exciting gift for the average guy to shop for than a "flattering" workout ensemble or a "cute" pair of shoes. Well, unless you're a straight woman dating a gay guy. (In which case, go for the outfits, not the electronic gizmos, but then you may also want to check out "counselors" and "coaches" below).

Magazines

Subscriptions to health magazines are great motivators, even if most of the popular women's titles have morphed into fashion, hairstyle, beauty, and "lose weight instantly" magazines.  One shining exception is my current favorite, Experience Life.  It's a health and fitness magazine that, shockingly, is pretty much about health and fitness. The articles explore recent research, theories, and expert advice from both mainstream and more controversial sources.  (And yeah, my subscription is comped, but I'd spring for it even if it weren't.)

Hired Help:  Personal Trainers, Life Coaches, Classes, Boot Camps, Dieticians, Counselors, Gurus etc

As it happens, the holidays lead right in to the New Years Resolution season. And who couldn't use a little help with healthy living, fitness, nutrition, and long-term life goals?  Again, best to avoid surprising someone with a gift that could be perceived as a "you need to get your act together" statement.  Plus, your recipient is likely going to want some choice in terms of the provider he or she selects, so don't get too bossy about it.  But perhaps a DIY "invest in yourself" gift certificate with some helpful ideas for possible resources?  Or, if for yourself, might it be worth dropping a few Big Fat Hints to loved ones?

An idea along those lines for the runner (or wannabe runner) in your life:  There's a online training program/class/coaching site called Up and Running that looks affordable and fun, and is designed to help you run your first 5K or kick ass on longer races.  Anything Shauna Reid is involved with has got to be awesome, right?

And gosh, it just so happens at least one Life and Wellness Coach we know of has been offering 50% off!  But, the clock is ticking and the discount is going to expire January 1.  So if you've been pondering the possibility of affordable Life Coaching and assuming that the cheaper rates will be good forever?  Er... nope, sorry.  Schedule an intake before the new year, though, and you're good for 50% off for at least 8 sessions in 2012.  And don't panic if you're not quite ready-- some sort of discount will still be available to Cranky Fitness readers even after the beginning of the year.

Self Help and Other Miscellaneous Gifts

Self-help books, CD's and DVD's that feature meditations, visualization, hypnosis etc can make great gifts for stressed-out loved ones.  Two Cranky Fitness favorites are the awesome science geek/enlightened dude/all-around-nice-guy Rick Hanson, and Sounds True, a company that has some of Rick's stuff as well as a huge catalog of other self-help resources.  (And yep, they supplied Crabby with a free course). But there are tons of other great options out there too if you Google.

And for those with loved ones who struggle with insomnia?  Consider gift items like white noise machines, sleep masks, lavendar oils, black market ambien prescriptions, natural herbal remedies,  high tech gadgets like the Zeo that measure your brainwaves, or, a favorite gizmo I reviewed a few years ago and still use myself:  SleepPhones.

And now, the Lobster has a few holiday gift reviews, and also a giveaway opportunity!

Make Gifts From Your Photos:

Consider the very aptly named Easy Canvas Prints. This is how simple it is: choose a size, upload an image, decide on a border, pay and ship. They let us try it out, and the whole process took at most 5 minutes. Within a few days, this picture was delivered to our door. (Though we decided not to leave it by the front door and now have it hanging in the bedroom).

If you want to create a custom holiday gift, Easy Canvas Prints is offering half off prints plus free shipping for anyone who goes to their facebook page and clicks on "like."

Next, MyMemories has a ton of ideas for organizing your pictures.  They gave us a chance to review one of their products, MyMemories Suite 3, which is a nice way to create digital scrapbooks. The program offers a variety of templates to use, and more to buy if you want to get more creative. When completed, you can share your handiwork by a variety of methods, even by creating a movie. The interface uses recognizable drop-down menus, but it does take a little wandering around to get the full extent of the capabilities. Here's a look at a quick page I created:

While I really liked the product and have already created a year end review book, my one issue is that the templates are aimed more at traditional scrap-bookers and don't have the hip look younger users may prefer. But if you want to start getting organized and creative, this is worth a try. MyMemories is offering Cranky Fitness readers $10 off the price of the software and a $10 coupon to use at the Memories Store. Go to My Memories and enter the code STMMMS27481.

Leela: Meditation via Xbox or Wii

Deepok Chopra's Leela is a great antidote to the stress of the holidays. It's a set of meditation exercises for the Xbox Kinect or Wii that can help mellow you out before you hit the mall.  Leela captures body movements and breathing to help you relax, focus and "enter into your personal flow state." While Leela says it's a "game concept" and not a "game," being the competitive person I am, I was charging through the Chakras as fast as I could. While the instructions could have been a little clearer (wait, perhaps I was focusing on the destination, not the journey?) I found the guided meditation and breathing exercises were particularly helpful. Visually, it's beautiful, and as a Wii user, it was a nice break from those ridiculous looking weeble-like people.

The not-game is available in either the Xbox or Wii format, or for those of you without either of those, they also offer a soundtrack which provides you with the soothing and restorative sounds you need when that jerk in front of you takes your parking space.

Want to win your own Leela? 

To be eligible, you need a shipping address in the US, Canada or Australia.  Just leave a comment below, and the random number generator will pick a winner in a week.  (You can comment more than once but only the first one counts). Then make sure you check back by the end of day Wednesday Dec 21 to claim your prize or there'll be a new drawing.

So, still got shopping left to do or are you one of those smug super-achievers?  Got any holiday gift advice or horror stories?

Holiday Stress? Five Self-Defeating Habits And How to Break 'em

 

Gosh, Isn't This FUN???

Image: Plan 59

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Something Else, or Nothing At All, it's hard not to be at least somewhat affected by the holiday season.  Reminders are everywhere: flashing at us from giant billboards, piled up in displays in every retail outlet, stalking us around the web, cramming our social calendars, tempting us with treats, turning tender tots into greedy tyrants, and swiping all the good parking places.  What are we supposed to be remembering, honoring, accomplishing, celebrating, desiring, and giving this time of year? No worries, we have centuries of tradition and ubiquitous mass media to shove unrealistic and oppressive ideas down our throats help us decide!

Some folks breeze right through all this with nothing but a sense of delight and gratitude. If you're one of those Happy Holiday Campers, then hooray for you! No doubt you can better use the time you'd spend reading this post to do your usual holiday thing, like knitting rifle cozies for an entire division of troops serving overseas, or custom-baking anatomically correct gingerbread cookies for home-bound elderly amputees, or recreating life-sized Nativity Scenes using recycled toothpicks, aluminum cans and hair-clippings donated by local salons. Whatever it is you've got up your busy sleeves, you clearly have the energy and positive attitude to tackle it, so go forth and be happily productive!

But for the rest of us, I've got some "Do As I Say And Not as I Do!" holiday anti-stress tips.  Plus, as a bonus, there's another related post on the same theme by Aimee Gallo over at Vibrance.  And who is Aimee? She's a woman I recently met... at the gym.  Imagine! What are the chances that two people interested in fitness would both end up there?  As it turns out, she's got a great blog full of health, nutrition, and exercise tips. And after you come back from Aimee's place (and please do, ok, it gets ugly here when I start to sulk and pout), you may want to ask yourself: do any of the following five stress-inducing holiday habits sound a tad familiar?

1. Procrastination

Nah, I'm not talking about strategic procrastination, which is a perfectly sensible strategy for dealing with holidays. If you know that you're more efficient if you wait until the last minute, and if you're not tearing your hair out worrying about how you'll get everything done, then by all means, procrastinate up a storm.

But try to avoid the more common, yet clueless sort of procrastination: allowing the idea of all that shopping and mailing and planning and decorating and cooking to get so big in your mind that it overwhelms you into paralysis.

Do you find yourself struggling to get started on your holiday to-do list while others around you are gleefully shouting "all done!" and plopping their smug asses down on the couch to drink spiked eggnog and watch the Grinch steal Christmas for the 87th time?  Wouldn't it be cool to feel as guilt-free and chipper as a Who down in Who-ville for the holiday season, just this once for a nice change of pace?

Well, no brilliant new insights here, because two tried and true bits of anti-procrastination advice are way better than anything I could come up with.

1. Start early and break tasks down into baby steps. Don't worry so much about the big picture, just spend a few minutes here or there you might use checking Facebook updates to start a brainstorming list about gift ideas or menu ideas. Or go browse one nearby store on your lunch hour (if such a thing still exists), or spend a few minutes online with a particular recipient in mind. Make a trip to the basement or attic this evening to find the dusty boxes where the decorations hide. You get the idea. Make the steps small enough not to be scary, and congratulate yourself for everything you cross off the list earlier than you would have last year.

2. Confront perfectionism. The root of procrastination is often not laziness, but fear of making mistakes or coming up short.  Oddly enough though, anxiously waiting until the last minute to tackle holiday preparations--when lines are long, stores are sold out of popular items, flights are booked, friends have made other plans, etc--does not make Holiday Perfection easier to obtain.  Jump in, do your best, and keep in mind that believing you can create the Perfect Holiday is about as helpful as believing Santa Claus is gonna fork over for all your presents squoosh himself down your chimney.  Good luck with either approach to the holidays.

2. High Expectations

These are no problem if every year you have a heartwarming and joyous holiday. If your life is a Normal Rockwell painting, then heck, eat a big slice of apple pie, enjoy your hilarious and kind-hearted relatives, and be sure to laugh together over the zany antics of Fluffy the cat and Rex the dog, neither of whom have ever have fleas, furballs or flatulence!

But is your life a nonstop joyride?  If not, sometimes those lovely shiny expectations of what we should be doing for others, what others should be doing for us, how cheerful we should feel, how our families should behave, how clean and beautiful our homes should be, how bosses should schedule shifts over the holidays... all these “shoulds” we carry with us can lead to hair-pulling anxiety or bitter disappointment. And yet it’s so hard to let go! Even if Uncle Larry has gotten drunk off his ass six out of the last seven family gatherings and proceeded to knock over knickknacks, insult your daughter’s Asian boyfriend, and crack dirty jokes in front of the kids, we still feel we should invite him because damn it, he’s family, and double-damn it, he should know how to behave by now.

The answer to overly high expectations is both easy to figure out, and really freakin' hard to do:

Explore, challenge, and let go of some of the “shoulds” that aren’t working for you. Should you always be the one to host a holiday dinner every year because you are uniquely qualified by being born with XX instead of XY chromosomes? Do you spend weeks coming up with thoughtful and surprising gifts for unimaginative relatives who always buy you socks, hurting your feelings every year? Do you cruise into malls during the busiest shopping days of the year and feel personally outraged when lines are long and overworked sales clerks are gruff because shopping should be a pleasant experience?

Maybe this year, challenge just one of your stress-inducing expectations. Aim low, expect random sucky stuff to happen, and enjoy those precious moments when nothing's going wrong!

3.Lack of Boundaries

There are lot of extra demands during the holidays, some reasonable, some ludicrous, and some fine in theory but horrific in practice. One of the first obstacles you may run into after successfully Lowering Your Expectations of Yourself (#2) will be dealing with the rest of the world, which may not be in full agreement with your shiny new anti-stress agenda. So, do you get to choose your own priorities?  Or are you going to feel obliged to appease the people who are the most obnoxious, entitled, overly sensitive or persistent and then pay for it with your sanity?

To keep yourself from going nuts and honor your own priorities, it helps to get familiar with the word “No.” Or, more politely, “No thank you, I really can’t this year, but thanks so much for thinking of me!” To be repeated over and over over, without further explanation, as often times as necessary.

However, lots of folks think this sounds like a great idea and yet can’t for the life of them make themselves say something like that out loud to another human.

So what are the next best options for declining demands if unapologetically honest refusal isn't your style?

1. Hedge.  Don't let yourself get caught by a surprise request.  Make it a rule to never to commit to something unless you're absolutely sure you have the time and desire to do it.  Try to leave yourself an out. “Sounds great, but I'm not sure if I'm free.  I need to double-check with my husband/babysitter/boss/voodoo priestess, and then I'll get back to you!"  Then give yourself a chance to really think through if you want to or not.

2. Lie! Yeah, sure, honesty is a better bet from a karma perspective, but hell, I say if it’s white lie that saves you from chasing random strangers down the street with a cleaver in your hand from a bad case of Post Traumatic Holiday Stress syndrome, it’s a white lie worth telling. Invent conflicting social events, illness, injuries, work crises, alien abduction, obscure religious injunctions, strange voices whispering to you in the night… whatever it takes to you the space and time you need to survive the holidays in relatively good spirits.

4. Rationalization

One thing that’s awesome about holidays is that they give us permission to relax our usual sensible rules about working, eating, drinking, spending, flirting, sleeping late, exercising etc. Have some champagne! Have second helpings for dinner! Stay up until 3am! Buy that big screen tv for your family you’ve been wanting for so long!

However, there’s a big difference between a “special occasion” and an “alternate reality.”

If your holiday season extends nonstop from pre-halloween Snickers stockpiling to post New Years Day football festival leftovers, you're probably going to want to inject some common sense into the process. Either that or alter the laws of physiology, psychology, economics and physics. Even if you tell yourself you’re “celebrating,” isn’t it hard to feel truly joyous knowing you’re piling up guilt, regret, debt, organ damage, low-self esteem and excess poundage?

So whats the answer? Again, easier said than done: 

Moderation and Damage Control!  Insisting on perfection is party-poopy and pointless, but so is throwing a holiday “on/off” switch and pretending normal rules don’t apply. Remember all the stuff you normally do to exert self control? Don’t toss it all out the window.  Have a "night off," then get back to your normal routine the next day.  You'll feel better, and will enjoy the next "night off" more than if you make the holidays one continuous excuse to indulge.

Also, think about adding as many positive healthy things you can to the mix: get more exercise, vegetables, meditation, water, tea, nature, music, hot baths, laughter… and then you’ll feel slightly less like snarfing up every single evil temptation that the holiday season offers up.

5. Commercialization

We’re besieged daily during this time of year with messages equating love, happiness, excitement, loyalty, gratitude, confidence, intelligence, excitement… with the crap we buy. Seriously, we can’t think of other ways to show affection besides extravagant presents? Do we really measure self esteem by the number of karats in a diamond earring or the vintage of the wine we pour at a holiday dinner?

Many folks get so caught up in the material aspects of the holiday that they feel financially stressed, inadequate, grouchy, or martyred.

This year, is it going to be different? Let’s Occupy Santa’s Toyshop! Tell that tedious old fart to send the poor elves home early, go easy on all the Christmas list promises, and let the rest of us spend more time enjoying friends and family and less time shopping for them.

Make sure to build in a little time for yourself, too--do something restorative to take down your stress levels so that you can be present and appreciative with Loved Ones.  Sadly, you don't get nearly as much "credit" for getting together with relatives at holidays if you spend the whole time snapping at them or feeling put-upon and resentful.

Another holiday tradition to consider is the notion of  giving to those less fortunate. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen, or help round up presents for underprivileged kids, or even stop in and drop off some cookies to that annoying but lonely old lady next door who lets her poodle poop on your lawn. She may not even thank you for it, but you’ll feel better. (At least until the next time you find dog shit on your shoe).

A Few Random Stress Resources

Mayo Clinic has another round up of ways to prevent holiday stress.

Kaiser Permanente has some free guided visualization downloads and doesn’t seem to lock out nonmembers. There are also free guided mediation downloads at Fragrant Heart.

And of course I have to mention my favorite anti-stress geek/guru/role-model Rick Hanson, who has a free newsletter, as well as anti-stress books, CD's and other resources. Oh, and I can't leave out Sounds True, the company that let me take Rick's course for free--they also have a bunch of free meditation downloads.

So does anyone else get stressed during the holidays? Got any tips or horror stories?

Holiday Attitude Adjustment

It's a couple days before Christmas, and for those who celebrate it (or any other winter-time holiday), there's a lot of pressure right now to be feeling jolly. 'Tis the season, right?

Photo: Icanhascheezburger

I know for myself, there are lots of individual moments of peace and joy and happiness that occur on or around the holidays. I enjoy the traditional rituals and parties, the champagne and the cookies, and the good times with family and friends.

But somehow there's this expectation that for weeks and weeks we're supposed to be building up ever-increasing amounts of holiday cheer, until we reach an almost orgasmic burst of seasonal joy on a particular day, right around the time we exchange presents. To be followed, about a week later, by another burst of overwhelming ecstasy precisely calibrated to occur when the clock strikes midnight on Dec 31st.

The problem? I'm just not able to experience quite that much happiness on cue, all in a pre-determined time frame. Maybe I'd rather spread my happiness out all year 'round, and perhaps allow it to occur a little more spontaneously.

On the other hand, there is something about ritual gatherings that makes me want to at least try to be more upbeat than usual. Because who wants to be a Grinch, a Scrooge, or a Crab and put a damper on other people's festive season?

And so it occurred to me that to deal with the Forced Christmas Cheer issue, maybe I could use the same motivational system I just developed to deal with my new, involuntary cross-training regimen. Remember Cognitive Restructuring, Accentuating Positivity®?

I'm thinking maybe I should try to use the same C.R.A.P.® approach to better appreciate the holiday season!

So here's an attempt to forcibly replace each cranky holiday thought with more cheerful way of looking at things.

Holiday observation #1: I couldn't find the perfect gifts for everyone on my Christmas list. Some of them were already sold out, and unfortunately, some of them haven't even been invented yet. When are they ever gonna get around to making a cute little robot that makes coffee and brings it to you in the morning, anyway?

Oh wait, here it is. Didn't see it at Macy's though.

But on the bright side: If you're going to pick a year to come up short on gifts, this is a good one! With the sucky economy, everyone is trying to scale back on gifts. There's a lot more emphasis on the meaningful emotional stuff, like love and laughter and gratitude and togetherness, blah blah blah. So just pretend your inability to find and purchase appropriate gifts was on purpose, as a protest against the insidious commercialization of the holidays!

Holiday observation #2: I hate Christmas carols. Well, I do like a few of them--the really old, vaguely melancholy kind that sound grave and beautiful. Silly modern ones like Frosty the Snowman make me want to hurl. (And let's not even get started on "I'm Gettin' Nuttin' For Christmas," one of the most irritating holiday songs ever written).

But on the bright side: Harboring an intense and irrational dislike of Christmas carols is an effective way to stay out of malls and other retail spaces when they are the most crowded and unpleasant! There is no Christmas music online, you can shop there safely. Plus, unlike other annoying forms of noise pollution, Christmas carols have a time limit. Of course, it would be nice if the allowable period were more reasonable, like December 24th-25th. But at least sometime in January they usually stop. Jackhammers and car alarms, on the other hand, know no season.

Holiday observation #3: People who don't normally bake yummy cookies or fudge, or buy you See's candy, or otherwise tempt you with delicious concoctions made of butter and sugar, tend to do so during the holidays because they know you love these things and they want to be nice to you. This makes it hard to avoid consumption of said yummy things.

But on the bright side: You love treats! They make you extraordinarily happy. And there's nothing wrong with having a cookie or two, or a piece of candy, as long as you don't scarf them all up in a few days. Perhaps it's time to reacquaint yourself with the food-preserving properties of the refrigerator and freezer? These modern conveniences allow you to consume a little bit of your favorite treats over a long period of time.

Holiday observation #4: Many Christmas decorations are ugly and tacky. And, how come no one seems to care that red and green are clashing colors and look kinda lousy together?

But on the bright side: Some Christmas decorations are really quite lovely to look at.

Photo: Canadian Living, via Urban Debris Artlog

And anyway, who says tacky is a bad thing?

Peeing Santa photo: Huffington Post

So do any of you sometimes need to give yourself a pep-talk, or are the holidays pretty much all good?

(And if I don't pop in again before Christmas, have a wonderful holiday if you're celebrating it!)

Health and Fitness Gift Ideas

So today's main post is just below, but I also wanted to let you know I've got a post up at Blogher on Healthy Holiday Gift Ideas. Long-time readers may be suspicious when they read the title: "Holiday Hot Buttons: Don’t Send the Wrong Message With Your Healthy Gift."

Does that sound anything like a Crabby McSlacker post title? Not to me it doesn't. I don't even know what the heck a "hot button" is, or where it's located, or what dire things happen if you push it.

Oh wait! I think I found it.

Whatever You Do, Don't Press This Button! It's Hot!

(Photo: tarheelcoxn)

But if you're brave enough to click your way over to BlogherLand, you'll discover that the writing is mine, even if the title isn't. And thanks to those of you whose gift ideas I stole for the post! Most appreciated.

Christmas Gift for Crabby

Photo: Neiman Marcus

Bdaiss of Prairie Trails just sent me this nifty idea for a Christmas present. C'mon guys, it's only $25,000!

Thanksgiving Wishes

image: riptheskull

(Wait, this image is courtesy of "Rip the Skull?" How festive!)

So have a wonderful Thanksgiving tomorrow, if you are celebrating that holiday, and if you are not, have a wonderful Thursday!

In my mind, Thanksgiving is a great chance to appreciate good food, close friends and relatives, and all that we have to be grateful for.

But while it can be a joyful time, it can also be a somewhat stressful time.

Photo: Zellaby

There are plenty of cultural assumptions about what Thanksgiving is supposed to be like, and the expectations are pretty high. Unless you live inside a Norman Rockwell painting, there will likely be opportunities for disappointment, conflict, anxiety, and embarrassment and crankiness as well as the requisite joy, love, gratitude and peace. Here's hoping that your Thanksgiving day includes more joy and gratitude than bickering and humiliation! And if any culinary or social disasters occur, may they at least make for an entertaining story to tell next year.

So there will be no tips from Cranky Fitness about how to eat "light" tomorrow, or how to make every item on the table super-duper healthy, or what you should do with the leftovers, or how it's already time to start Christmas shopping and what you should do to get organized about that.

Instead, I suggest you just cut yourself a few acres of extra slack. And try to enjoy the day and the company you're with--even if this year it's just your wonderful own self and a peanut butter sandwich!

I have much to be grateful for in my own life, but rather than bore you with my list like last year, I just wanted to say a brief thank you everyone who stops by Cranky Fitness--you are such a supportive, clever, warm, thoughtful bunch of folks!

And special thanks to cobloggers, past and present. Cranky Fitness would have long since gone silent without Merry, Gigi, and Jo bringing great advice, encouragement, good cheer, and, of course, a good dose of crankiness to this odd little health blog.

Have a great holiday tomorrow!

Exercising over The Holidays and Important Poll!

Photo: Lincolnian (Brian)

So I've got a short guest post up over at Blogher on exercising over the holidays. Nothing you health & fitness mavens don't know already, but I'm hoping if at least a couple people who are registered at Blogher leave a comment then I won't look like a totally hopeless dweeb. You can even say mean things, or totally unrelated things! And I'll most likely reply because I'll be so excited to see any Cranky Fitness people who might stop by.

(Note: this is NOT the corporate-sponsored forum I was pimping for alerting you to over the summer. It's just the regular Blogher and I'd love to get a contributing editor gig there some day).

So here's the Important Poll Question:

If you go to the Blogher Post, or my Twitter Page, you can see I've uploaded an actual photo instead of the standard Crab picture I use as an icon or avatar or whatever that teensy little picture is called on Blogger.

So the new one is not a professional photo, just a backyard photo. I'm not wearing makeup I look all crinkly and middle-aged and, well, kinda butch. But, as Popeye used to say, "I yam what I yam." Anyway, I'm trying to decide whether to start using that as my Blogger icon too, so there's a "face" behind the crab.

However, I'm pretty darn attached to the crab!

Hi Crab!

So what do you guys think? Crab, or crinkly face, or some other option?

Which avatar should Crabby use for her blog comments?
	Crab Picture
	Crinkly Face
	Dolly Parton
	Tuna Sandwich
	Wait, I Don't Even Like Tuna
	What Was This Poll About Again?
	Oh That's Right, Avatars!
	OK, Maybe 30 Possible Answers Are Too Many
	Even If They're Free
pollcode.com free polls

And stay tuned--actual health and fitness news on Monday!

Enjoying the Holiday?

Photo: Failblog

Crabby and Merry are both taking a day off to celebrate Labor Day in the traditional way--by not laboring. But don't worry, there's plenty of information and entertainment still to be had on the internet!


Let's take a quick tour, shall we?

Over at Weight for Deb, Deb's got the scoop on HGH and the best way to get the benefits from this "eternal youth" hormone. Hint: no expensive injections required!

And for a sad yet inspiring post on trying managing holiday temptations, Diane at Fit to the Finish shares some unhappy Labor Day memories.

Want a thoughtful take on whether it's mean to be laughing at the People of Walmart? Charlotte hosts an interesting discussion over at The Great Fitness Experiment.

Or how about some inspiration to go? Two of our Cranky Fitness favorites, Shauna (of The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl) and Mizfit, have teamed up to create a downloadable podcast!

And finally, there is a hilarious post by The Bloggess on getting lost, in which she introduces the Greatest Invention in the History of the World. I would so totally buy it!

Doing anything fun for the holiday? (And if it's not a holiday for you, sorry about that! Just tell your boss "But Crabby McSlacker said I should take the day off" and see how far that gets you!)

How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions

Are you currently working on some freshly-minted, sweet-smelling, sparkly, shiny, still-unbroken New Years Resolutions? Or have you instead just dusted off some cruddy, tarnished, shabby Old Years Resolutions?

Whatever! You don't even need a resolution to play; just a desire to keep slogging away at some sort of health and fitness self-improvement goal.

So here are some tips for keeping your resolutions that have worked for me! And by "worked" I mean I'm totally lying. None of these have kept me from breaking every New Year's Resolution I've ever made. But these tips "work" in the sense that now, if I'm feeling optimistic enough to even make a resolution, it takes me way longer to break it and I don't fail quite as abysmally as I used to before!

Sound encouraging? Welcome to Cranky Fitness!

(Regular readers may notice that many of these tips have already appeared on the blog in one form or another. But since I've completely run out of interesting things to say, new readers may have accidentally googled here seeking inspiration for their health and fitness goals, I thought it was time for a reminder!

So anyway, here are some tricks I find helpful when it comes to goals or resolutions:


1. Don't set yourself up for failure with unrealistic goals. Ever hear people make resolutions like: "I'm gonna stop getting so irritated with my kids and I'll never yell at them again!" "I'm going to start running this year and finish my first marathon!" "I'm going to lose 50 pounds in six months!" And you're thinking, yeah sure, and I'm gonna sprout wings and fly to London and have tea and crumpets with the Queen.

For me, it works best to pick more realistic goals: I'm going to cut down on gratuitous desserts--After all, I don't really need them after breakfast.

icanhascheezburger

2. Write Stuff Down. Not forever, but when you're in the early, serious phases of working towards a goal. As we've mentioned before: writing things down is a pain in the ass but it works. Whether you're charting calories eaten, miles run, charitable acts performed, pages written towards your novel, money saved towards your financial goals or whatever--keeping some sort of record will keep you honest and can even be weirdly addictive and rewarding. (Until you get so sick of it you want to flush your cute little journal down the toilet.)

3. Expect to slip up. You will! "Broken" resolutions can usually be glued back together. Looking back a year from now, your success will probably have much more to do with how you dealt with your inevitable failures--and very little to do with how long you lasted until you screwed up.

4. Build up your resistance muscle. So this was a new one for me, but I found it a very helpful concept. We had an interview with Dr. Judith Beck, and in in talking about resisting unplanned temptations she said:

"Tell yourself: 'If I resist, I’ll build up my resistance muscle, which makes it more likely that the next time I’ll resist and the time after that and the time after that. The truth is that every bite matters; it’s not just the calories, it’s the habit.'"

Now at the time, I actually thought this tip sounded kinda corny. (Sorry, Judith.) But then I found myself using it! It really is a good reminder of how the habit itself is more important than the actual food you ate or exercise you got. The best part? You can give yourself "credit" (and can therefore feel smug) every time you resist a temptation--even if you're resisting the same damn leftover slice of pie 14 times in one afternoon. You might still eat the pie later, when you've planned for it, but in the meantime you've really worked out that "resistance muscle" and made it stronger.

(And for more on Judith Beck and Cognitive Therapy, make sure to check out Charlotte's helpful post over at The Great Fitness Experiment.)

5. Get concrete and specific about consequences. Often I just go around with a vague notion that exercise is good, watching portion size is smart, and that healthy meals are better for me than junk. But sometimes, when willpower is lacking, it helps to get more specific. How many Extra Miles on the treadmill will that Extra Value Meal cost? Picture yourself having to walk or run those miles before you decide to indulge. And then, if you decide to skip the trip to Mickey D's or the Colonel's place, it's almost like getting credit for those miles without ever taking a step!

I also like to picture the healthy food I eat and the exercise I get making all kinds of great changes in my body: building muscle and fighting off scary diseases and helping me sleep better and keeping my heart and lungs and bones and brains in top working order. I imagine myself growing younger instead of older every time I do something healthy. While this may not be entirely accurate, it's quite motivational!

6. Keep in mind that your sticking to your resolution probably won't suck this much forever. I always see people citing studies about the exact number of weeks it take to turn a new healthy behavior into a "habit." Really? I can't help thinking it's gotta vary a lot depending on the person, and on how unpleasant the new behavior feels. How long would it take me to make a habit out of riding an exercise bike every morning? About a thousand years, because I hate exercise bikes! But if some new study comes out saying: We Were All Wrong; You Must Eat French Pastries for Breakfast--well, that habit is not going to take weeks to instill.

But however long it takes, if the change you're trying to make is realistic and only slightly obnoxious, it really might feel like no big deal at all in a couple months. Give it enough of a shot to see if it gets better before you decide to give up.

7. Find People Who Will Support and Encourage You in Your Goal: Depending on where you live and who you hang out with, it can be a much harder struggle to stick to your guns if no one around you "gets it." This is part of what makes Weight Watcher's helpful for many folks.

And if you are relatively new to the online health world, may we suggest you spend some time clicking on links to the many health and fitness and weight-loss blogs and online forums out there? Explore for a bit and you may find a whole community of like-minded folks. I know I've been spurred on to break out of workout slumps by visiting some of the many awesome bloggers who comment here. And you can find great recipes, exercise tips, and all kinds of practical help. (Just don't spend every spare minute sitting on your butt in front of the computer--this could be counter-productive!)

8. Don't make New Year's Resolutions! It's the easiest way I've ever found not to break them.

So do any of you make health and fitness resolutions? Any good advice on how to keep them?