Proper Elliptical Form: How Do You Use the Arms?

Well, that's one good use of arms I guess.

Ecard by gina1234

First off, my apologies to those of you who don't give a crap about elliptical machines.  But I'm afraid they're my go-to indoor cardio option, and I use them at the most fully caffeinated time of day when I'm having all sorts of Thinky Thoughts and am obsessively narrating in my head. So yeah, this means it's time for yet another post, more specifically about the whole "Arms" aspect.

Now some elliptical machines are mercifully armless, and these are the kind I've always preferred. There is a place you can put your arms for balance if you need to (after so many years, I don't) but they don't have the upright vertical handles that swing back and forth in time with the leg pedals.

When I use the elliptical, I pump up my tunes and get all wild and crazy and weird on it, which you can't do when grimly clutching a pair of clunky moving metal pipes. When I've had to rock out on an elliptical machine with handles? I try to pretend the handles aren't there.  But then my spastic dance moves and fist pumps get interrupted when the handles get their revenge and give me a sound whomping.

But dang it, as old machines get replaced, the armless kind of elliptical machines are getting harder to find!

Gotta love the book stand set-up too

image: wikipedia

Some of the new machines are kinda "bi" and swing both ways. There are vertical arm handles for those who like them, but at they're far enough apart to allow room for people like me who want pump their arms or spazz-dance. These I grumble about, but can handle.

But having recently confronted a couple of the narrow punitive kind, and feeling strangely averse to getting battered by the damn handles yet again, I decided to suck it up and attempt to actually use the arm handles.

(It's part of my lastest "let's loosen the hell up and and try a few new things" initiative. These come frequently and are good for about 5 minutes, but whatever).

So anyway, as I suspected, my first reaction was: Acck! The movement felt totally unnatural. Grasping onto the handles was a total buzz-kill and destroyed any sense of rhythm or momentum or joy. (Note: because my back is still f--cked up, I can only use the elliptical sparingly. So it actually IS a joy if I get to use one of the right kind and can dance and bounce and carry on.)

But I'm guessing other no-hands elliptical people, who have spent many years powering the machines with just their legs, might have a similar issue when they attempt to employ their arms. There is some technique involved!

So, how do you best use the arm handles on an elliptical?

Bored on the Elliptical?

Note: this photo is courtesy of HerCampus, which has even more tips for avoiding elliptical boredom.

(And how come I just realized after writing the word boredom that I think I pronounce it as though it were spelled "boredRum" when it seems there is only one R in the word?  Crap. I've been doing that for about 50 years now, wonder if anyone noticed?) 

Anyway...

Does Anyone Else "Play" on the Elliptical Machine?

If you are a person who uses an elliptical machine, you may have discovered that you need to experiment to keep it from getting excruciatingly tedious.  The HerCampus article above has more of a "distraction" approach, whereas immature Crabby prefers a more ridiculous approach...

Elliptical Madness, Losing Your Nipples, and Barbell Babies

Not that pasties don't make a cute nipple alternative...

Photo: Godzilla Rocket

Yep, it's that time again, when the weekend's almost here and attention spans are short. Who wants to read a long blog post all about one subject, anyway? Actually, the more relevant question is: who wants to write one?  And the answer: Not me!

So, for those with short attention spans, you can find out what odd experiment has Crabby been undertaking at the gym, discover stuff to avoid if you want to keep your nipples from falling off, and learn where you can get instructions for turning your baby into a barbell, as well as catch up on other miscellaneous health and fitness news you might have missed.

Oh yeah, and if you haven't yet checked out the Kuru Shoe Review and Giveaway and want a chance to win a nifty pair of Chukkas, hustle on over there and add a comment!

Around the Web:

Want to know what the latest trends in weight loss are, from the sensible to the super-stupid? Charlotte has a nifty slideshow round-up over at Shape.

Find out a simple (and free) trick to boost the growth of your house plants at Living Healthy in the Real World.

An alternative to coffee? That's heresy! But if you're the DIY type and want to roast your own, Leah has the how-to's of roasting your own coffee alternative over at The Goat's Lunch Pail.

Curious about a FitBit for a possible holiday gift (or to snag one for yourself)? Check out the comprehensive (and amusing) FitBit review by Sinner Ella De'Ville, who won one here and was kind enough to share her thoughts, pictures and ratings.

Crabby's Wild Experiment! Want to Try One Too?

So if you, like me, have already started sliding a bit down the slippery slope of holiday-related overindulgence and slackitude, it might be tempting to give in to negative thinking.

"Darn it," you may say, (or, if you're like me and have no manners, then "F@#ck it,")... "I already screwed up big time, so what the heck, I'll just enjoy the holidays and get back to that healthy lifestyle thing come January 1st."

Whatever! No judgments here. If you insist, go right ahead and undo as much of the hard work you've done all year as you can in the next few frenzied weeks.

But while you're at it, how about trying one or two healthy new experiments? It's a proven fact, or else something I just made up, that a little bit of positive progress can help you recapture your forsaken identity as a Motivated and Resourceful Health Fiend.

I've been trying a bunch of new things lately, which may end up being posts in themselves at some point. But I'll go ahead and share the most insane one of them now:

Four Minute Elliptical Triple-Tasking!

So, I have really sucky balance, but never seem to spend time working on balance training.  Another thing I frequently skip? Exercise cool-downs! I know I'm supposed to do 'em, but it's so much more tempting to go full blast and then jump off my machine and pretend sauntering to the locker room constitutes a proper post aerobic transistion.  And the most shunned self-improvement task of all?  That has to be my frequent promises to myself to spend at least a few minutes every day doing some sort of mindfulness and/or meditation and/or focusing.

A quick answer to all of this slacking? I now perform the last song on my elliptical playlist with my Eyes Closed. (And no holding on to anything either).

I started off doing just four beats at a time, then built gradually up to fairly continuous eye closure.  In order to keep from flying off the machine and wounding innocent passers-by, I have to concentrate on a focal point.  (I chose my pelvic floor muscles, because I need to work on locating 'em anyway for post-hysterectomy PT exercises. TMI? Er, sorry! Feel free to find your own G-rated focal point.)  But anyway, as soon as my thoughts stray, I get wobblier and wobblier. The real-time bonus of not catapulting off the machine is a great incentive to return to my focus before I accidentally kill myself. And all the while I'm getting a nice cool down before I hit the locker room. 

Note: Should you try this too?  No, 'cause I don't want you to sue me! It's an incredibly stupid idea and may cause injuries. Do not try to suddenly add extended periods of eye closure to your regular exercise routine, particularly if you are a cyclist or downhill ski racer. However, you may want to think about trying something new, is all I'm sayin!

And now, for the laziest portion of our round-up:

Stuff Copied from Crabby's Twitter Stream:

Study says simpler diets easier to stick to.  Hmm, mine has a million exceptions (aka excuses) but works ok for me.


Several studies warned against multivitamins so I stopped. Now new study says they may fight memory decline.  #researchsucks

Fight brain tumors, MS, etc: Research says curry and other spices have kick-ass neuro-protective effects.

Creepy: "Smokers Risk Losing Nipples With Breast Lift." Seriously: they could FALL OFF. Smoking + Considering Breast Lift?  = Think Hard.

Study: upping fiber more crucial than nixing saturated fat to avoid metabolic syndrome. Thus the rise of bacon kettlecorn?

Felons! Barbell-babies! Awesome. Weirdest fitness books that actually have good advice.

Why? No one to share the candy with? Women who live alone are 2.5 times more likely to get diabetes:

Do your kids drink a ton of apple and grape juice? Bad idea anyway (high sugar!) but now you can worry about arsenic too!

Not quite the way I wanna get my RDA of minerals: Craisins recalled over metal fragments.

150 minutes a week of exercise helps sleep.  Now could someone tell that to my freakin hot flashes? #menopause #sucks

Great! Now can you get 'em to cook it for me? 5 Sites for Shopping Local Food Online.

Coffee linked to lower risk of endometrial cancer.  Coffee also linked to Crabby being able to function.

Study: "Walking through doorway promotes forgetting." So does being 50+! Put 'em together and lose all hope.

Calcium plus probiotics may help lower bad cholesterol:  Hmm... an excuse to go visit Pinkberry for dessert?


So how's everyone doing with the holidays coming up? Superhero? Slacker? Trying anything new on the life of fitness front?

Elliptical Trainers: Ur Doing It Wrong

For those of you who haven't been to a gym in a decade or so, ellipticals are those popular contraptions that people pedal on standing up, with their feet moving in—you guessed it— an “elliptical” shape.

They are sort of a cross between a Nordic-track ski machine and a stair climber. (Though how the equipment breeders ever got the two machines to mate remains a mystery. Nordic-Tracks are notoriously chilly and unapproachable).

Some ellipticals have swinging arm handles that you pump back and forth as you move, as if you were cross country skiing. Others have stationary rails that you can ignore if you have good balance, or that you can grasp onto to keep from flying off the machine and making an ass of yourself.

Even though ellipticals are one of my favorite machines at the gym, I had no idea there was a “right” way and a “wrong” way to use them. Did you?

A while back I came across some helpful advice on proper elliptical form over at Girl At Gym. Then, inspired to do some further research, I interviewed dozens of personal trainers and exercise physiologists consulted Dr. Google and discovered there was all kinds of advice out there about ellipticals!


Swinging arm handles? Handrails? Or Hands-Free?

Here was the place I found the most diversity. Several fitness advisors seemed to like the swinging arm things. However, it was suggested one grab them at shoulder height, not higher.

And everyone seemed to agree that if you’re holding onto the stationary handrails for balance, you should not lean into them. That’s cheating.

But several trainers suggested going hands-free, to work your core muscles and improve your balance.

And for me, this was great news! I love going hands-free. When I try to hold onto swinging arms as I pedal, I am as graceful as a hippopotamus on roller skates. Even worse? If I get stuck using one of these machines and try to ignore the handles, which are moving fast whether I’m holding on to them or not, inevitably I space out and forget. I move right in front of them to grab my water bottle and… SMACK-SMACK-SMACK! #@$%!!


Go backwards as well as forwards.

This is a great advantage of the elliptical over many other machines. The reverse motion recruits different muscles and can help prevent injuries. Going backwards is also an awesome core/balance trainer if you do it with no hands.


Don’t put all your weight on your toes.

Some experts suggest you put most of your weight on the back of your foot, and assume almost a sort of “squat” position; others suggest you start on your heels and roll through your whole foot. Many of us lean too far forward on our toes and don’t use enough of our quad muscles.


Don’t slouch or sway.

Stand up straight, relax your shoulders, keep your back in line with your hips, and try not to move side to side.


Don’t slack off too much.

Unlike a treadmill, which will punish you by flinging you off the back if you forget to run fast enough, an elliptical is all mellow and forgiving if you start dawdling. So check your pace periodically or you may not be getting much of a workout.


Don’t bounce.

Oh Noooo! I hate this advice. I always bounce!

That’s the whole reason I love the elliptical machine in the first place: I crank up my tunes and FLY on that thing like it’s a playground ride. Wheee! And when a really good song comes on, I also dance a bit, bobbing my head, swinging my hips in violation of the no-swaying rule, even tapping out the beat using an imaginary drumstick or tambourine. I am no doubt known around town as “that dork from the gym who thinks no one can see her,” and concerned citizens are probably taking up a collection at this very moment to buy me some home exercise equipment.

But bouncing is considered cheating. You're letting gravity do too much of the work for you.

So all this time I have been doing the ellipitical all wrong.

It’s smart to correct bad form.

Even though bouncing makes my workout way more fun, I’d do less damage to my knees and get a much better workout using a steady motion rather than launching myself up in the air with each step. It’s an elliptical machine after all, not a pogo stick! So there’s really only one conclusion I can come to about the “no bouncing” rule:

I think I’ll pretend I never read about it.

Do you folks pay a lot of attention to using proper form when you work out, or are you more "what the hell, at least I'm exercising?"

EIlipticals and Treadmills... For Kids?

[By Crabby]

(There are some here if you want one.)

Anyone happen to catch this Boston Globe article on fitness equipment for children?

Yep, that's right, there's a company that now makes treadmills and elliptical trainers for children as young as three.

What do you think?

When I read the article, I had mixed feelings.
My First Reaction: Aaaaahhhhkkkk!

Truly, I saw the headline and thought: What a f*cked up world we live in. What happened to the notion of "play?" Exercise is not supposed to miserable until you're an adult, damn it!

(Warning: Grumpy Old Fogey Alert)

I know kids are getting fat. And I know they need more activity. But not this way! What happened to playgrounds and front lawns and freeze tag and kickball and stupid dangerous made-up games involving jumping off of things and tackling each other?

I'd never trade the bruises, gashes, scrapes and stitches I got as a kid for hours spent in front of a tv, computer, or video game console, broken up by "structured" exercise sessions on a piece of equipment.



I'm not a parent, so I have no idea of how the transformation happened by which kids have been declared too fragile to "go out and play" like we did. I know you all think the world is much more dangerous now. Maybe it is. But I think it's more our thinking that's changed.

Here's the thing: Forty years ago, we still had traffic, pedophiles, rusty nails, drugs, bullies, broken glass, rattlesnakes, and even serial killers. We just assumed all the bad things happened to other people, and usually it did. Mom said "go out and play" and we did. We played kickball in the street until someone yelled "Car!!!!" We climbed trees and water towers and roofs where we didn't belong. We ran around not because we had to, but because we wanted to.

I know not every neighborhood is safe enough for kids to go out and play in. Yet doesn't it almost seem like the safer the neighborhood, the less likely you are to see kids playing in it? 'Cause they're all inside, or they've been rounded up and shipped off for officially sanctioned activities.

We probably had a lot more accidents and injuries forty years ago. Because, hey, every now and then it was your turn to jump off the top of a ladder with a grocery bag for a parachute.

But today the young 'uns are all completely safe and supervised. And a good percentage of them are fat and are going to die early of heart disease and diabetes or liver problems. Unless they get on a ridiculous little kiddie treadmill or hire a personal trainer or wear a pedometer? Yikes.

Sigh. The world's goin' to hell in a handbasket.

(This Concludes the Old Fogey Rant; you may now safely resume your regular blog reading activities).


My Second Reaction: Well, OK, Maybe in Some Cases...

On further reflection, and after a more careful reading of the article, I realized that there might be some times when having a kiddie treadmill or elliptical would make some sense.

If you're a busy mom, and the kids are watching everything you do and wanting to join you in your workout? Well, that might be a cool! And having their own little junior version might help keep them off your equipment, which could be an expensive/dangerous proposition.

After all, we buy kids junior versions of cars and vacuum cleaners and ovens and garden tools. As I recall, imitating adults can feel like "play" when you're a kid, even though the actual activities might be "work" for the adults themselves.

So if you're buying a kiddie treadmill or elliptical as a "toy" that your kid will enjoy, and you can "play" together, that seems pretty reasonable.

(But how "fun" is a treadmill gonna be for a kid after the first few minutes? Just wondering.)

So enough of the Crab and her grumpy-ass opinions. What do you all think?

Exercise Equipment : We Have Opinions!

[By Crabby]

No, this isn't a useful product review of the best and worst fitness equipment out there. (There are plenty of those around and they all contradict each other). This is just a list of things I like and why. Chances are, you'll all have opinions of your own that are different—because of course you're all wrong we're all unique individuals, and isn't that what make the world a wonderful place!

(Note: at some point soon we'll also do a “worst exercise equipment” list. After all, this blog is not called Cheerful Fitness is it?)

So here we go,

Crabby's Entirely Subjective List of Best Exercise Equipment Ever:

Big-Ass Weight Machines: And yes, I love the girly kind where you just move the little pins, not the macho kind where you lug big plates around and try to wrestle them onto each new machine like you're building the damn thing from scratch.

It’s very out-of-fashion to like these anymore. You're supposed to be doing free weights or having a personal trainer devise sadistic unendurable creative ways to use your own body weight to get stronger or whatever. It's uncool to use a machine to isolate just one set of muscles at at time.

Well, screw that. I like to sit down on a comfortable machine and only be miserable in one body part at a time. (And I only do one set apiece, at the heaviest weights possible, so it doesn't last long). Is using a bunch of big machines like this less efficient? Is it less functional for carrying groceries or hand-to-hand combat with invading aliens? I don't give a crap. I can still schlep groceries with the best of them; the aliens have not yet arrived; and I like my big-ass machines.

Elliptical Machine: This is another relatively wimpy choice, in some people's eyes, compared to the treadmill or the stairmaster. But getting on a treadmill to walk or run just makes it obvious that you're not outside, where such activities are much more entertaining. Even though I do use a treadmill, it is essentially a compromise machine. And a stair-stepper (especially the backwards escalator kind) is a torture device. Whereas an elliptical machine?

An elliptical machine is a RIDE! If used properly, (or actually, improperly) an elliptical machine is fun! Here's how to make it a piece of playground equipment and much less of a chore.

You must:

• Play awesome kick-ass music with exactly the right cadence so that each step is to the beat.
• Get a machine without the stupid handlebars, or if you can't find one, try to avoid getting smacked by them when you forget they're there.
• Pump your arms vigorously and cultivate the ability to balance, both going forward and backwards. (This must be good for some core muscle or other, don't you think?). Finally, the most important part:
• Launch yourself higher in the air than you need to on each upswing so that you feel like you're sproinging along like an antelope to the beat.

It's fun, really.

WARNING: Following these instructions puts more stress on your knees and may result in your looking like an ass. (Especially if you close your eyes, add some dance moves, and lip synch to the music. But that part is totally optional).

Big Bouncy Inflatable Ball. I know you’re supposed to do all sorts of challenging exercises on it and that it will get your core muscles in great shape, but I lost the little pamphlet that came with it. (And also the pump, so it’s kind of squishy now).

But what I love about the big goofy green ball in our basement is that it’s a great way to stretch out my back. I sit down on it, then lean back until my head dangles upside down, trying to keep my feet somewhat balanced on the ground so I don’t lose control and crash-land on my head and split my skull open. Once equilibrium is obtained, however, it's a great stretch--you can feel all the little vertebrae spreading out and relaxing and putting their feet up, happy to have a little personal space for once.

It’s also my impression (based on something I read somewhere long ago that probably isn’t even true), that using gravity to pull your spine apart will keep you from shrinking as you get older. If this is a totally preposterous theory, don't tell me, because part of the fun of the stretch is my belief that it's making me taller.

Ipod
Well, duh. Gotta have tunes. (On the other hand, this device, or at least my old-fashioned version of it, has enough infuriating quirks that it will also be appearing on Crabby's Entirely Subjective List of The Worst Exercise Equipment Ever Invented.)

Heart Rate Monitor
Notice how I'm running out of steam here, and all of a sudden the sections are getting shorter? Sure, I started off with lots of energy, but now, wow, this is getting old. I'm tired. Am I putting out enough effort still or am I just going through the motions and secretly slacking?

Well, if you're exercising instead of blogging and the same questions come up, you'll have an answer--if you own a handy-dandy heart rate monitor!

(So was that the lamest segue ever??)

Actually, part of the reason for not saying much down here is that I already wrote a whole post on the awesomeness of heart rate monitors. The bottom line? They give you a concrete number to fixate on and become completely obsessed with inform you about your progress. (And you can also use them as handy biofeedback devices).

Anyway, I've been opining for long enough--I want to hear about other people's favorites. That is, if you have any opinions about exercise equipment... or anything else for that matter. At Cranky Fitness, we love opinions!