Showing posts with label Swimming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Swimming. Show all posts

May 21, 2015

Ready for Swimsuit Season?

By Jan Bono

There are few people--or at least very few women--who do not feel at least a little angsty and self-conscious about the whole swimsuit issue.  Even supermodels often resort to photoshopping or bizarre diets to cope with unrealistic societal expectations of women's bodies. What about those who are overweight?

Yet swimming and other water activities are healthy, and it's hard to do them wearing street clothes. Contributor  Jan Bono shares some recollections about swimwear and other challenges she faced on her journey to shed an insane amount of weight and embrace a healthier lifestyle --Crabby

Following a well-balanced food plan will eventually result in weight loss. But as everyone knows, at least intellectually, exercise is the key to burning maximum calories and taking the pounds off just a little bit faster.

Exercise and I were no strangers to each other. I had participated in a variety of organized sports throughout high school. And even after an absence of many years, my muscle memory was still intact.

I wrote “Get more exercise” on my list of New Year’s resolutions the first of every January. And every year I made a good stab at sticking to it by setting up a daily walking schedule. Some years I was still walking regularly into late February or the first few weeks of March.

October 13, 2014

On Hating Exercise: 5 Tips for Sucking it Up (Temporarily)


photo upload: digitalNC

By Crabby McSlacker

So I don't generally advocate doing any sort of exercise you hate.  In fact, I think the most important prerequisite for attaining a lifetime of smug, annoyingly energetic health and fitness is: find activities you don't absolutely loathe!

And yet.. sometime life throws a few curveballs. Maybe it's a new job, a change of residence, a nagging injury, or you find yourself raising small humans with schedules that don't accommodate your favorite exercise options.

What do you do when faced with a choice between doing some sort of godawful thing you hate in order to get your heart rate up, or not doing anything at all?

October 10, 2014

Your Heart Likes it When You Swim


This guest post by Becky Flanigan comes at a perfect time. I've been doing more swimming than I'm accustomed to, and I'm pretty crappy at it, and am thus accumulating a rather long list of swimming-related grievances. (Which you will probably be hearing about soon). So it's great to discover that the research on health benefits of swimming is way more inspiring than I realized!  As you may recall, Becky also taught us some useful stuff about getting started with aqua-aerobics earlier. Thanks Becky!--Crabby

We know that hearts can’t actually talk, but they can sing, and nothing makes a heart sing louder or more heartily than being strong and in good health. If you are looking for a heart-strengthening, low-impact, yet effective alternative to the usual suspects like running or aerobics, it may be time to think about swimming your way to heart health. According to current research, swimming is one of the best things you can do to keep your heart strong.

August 18, 2014

Swimming Lessons


By Crabby McSlacker

OK, so regular readers may recall that:
  1. I recently hurt my back;
  2. I am hilariously inept at my physical therapy exercises and seem to be making little progress yet in the back-healing department;
  3. I've been bemoaning my lack of back-friendly exercise options and bitching about how I am getting less fit by the day;
  4. I discovered taking up swimming might be a feasible option; and,
  5. I have always loathed everything about swimming.
(A quick review? Let's see: apparel requirements; chlorine; my lack of natural floatiness or coordination; being forced to arrange breathing opportunities instead of snarfing up air any damn time I want to; and sharing a pool with other people. And of course most excruciatingly: having to initiate the activity by submerging myself voluntarily in cold nasty evil frigid wetness. Acck! For a warm-blooded mammal such as myself, this feels like a profoundly unnatural act).

Seriously, the only great thing about swimming is that eventually it is over with.

So, one might wonder, given my wonderful positive attitude towards the whole enterprise: how is the swimming thing going so far?  Can an Old Crab learn some New Tricks? And are there any tedious lessons said Old Crab can share from her experience?

April 16, 2014

Beginning Aqua Aerobics for Cowards: Hotel Pool Edition


By Crabby McSlacker

Yes, we did indeed just have a post about aqua-aerobics! But that was a real one, a guest post written by someone who actually knows something about it.

This is the lame-ass, totally illegitimate guide directed at people like me who:
  • Hate getting into water because it is cold and wet;
  • Don't swim well;
  • Don't like water up their nose;
  • Are too lazy and/or intimidated to sign up for a class and actually learn how to do stuff properly;
  • Have a multitude of other complaints about pool-based activities (like racoon goggle eyes, ill fitting swimsuits, inconvenient location/hours, toxic chlorine, and the probability that kids have peed in the water); but, who
  • Have accumulated enough joint pain, injuries, boredom or burnout to make taking advantage of a totally different form of exercise that is suddenly conveniently available sort of intriguing.
So yeah, I'm sparing you more South Africa pictures today to share my hotel-pool aqua-aerobic workout experience, should you be planning to travel anywhere and want to toss in a bathing suit and give it a shot.

May 26, 2009

How to Survive Swimsuit Season

fail owned pwned pictures
see more Fail Blog

Oh, you're sooooo not here right now.

Well, your body's here, but the mind is still on Weekend Time. It's nice outside. It's after Memorial Day. Heck, it's summer. That means it's time to get out of the stuffy office and... oh crap, that means it's swimsuit time and you're not prepared!!!
Image: oddsocks


Damn! What good was it to promise to be good and "get around to" exercise? Now it's too late!

Self magazine has a list of tips to get flat abs fast, but their definition of 'fast' is 30 days. Who has that time? You've got to take the kids to the pool! Everybody will be watching! Even if you've got instant tan for the paler-than-white skin, where's the instant lipo-suction-in-a-can when you need it?

Swimsuit season is a time for serious angst. I mean, come on. Even if you are in really good shape, a bikini isn't always flattering:
Photo: Mike Baird

The worst pain centers around two areas: trying on the suit and having someone insist on taking your photo while you're wearing the suit. We've* put together some tips on how to cope with Swimsuit Season.

*Okay, that should be I've put together some tips. Don't blame Crabby.

Top ten things not to say to someone who's trying on a swimsuit




10. Oh. It's very... interesting.
9. It's not just you. Polka dots make everyone's hips look wide.
8. Gosh, I didn't know they came in that size.
7. Y'know, one piece suits are much more... slimming.
6. Hey, splashing about in the water isn't all that fun anyway.
5. Gee, you look just like Kirstie Allie.
4. Wow, I didn't know you were expecting.
3. Does a girdle come with that suit?
2. It's the lighting. Fluorescent lights add weight.
1. Can I take your picture?

Top ten ways to ease the pain of getting your picture taken while wearing a swimsuit


10. Get some children to stand in front of you.
9. No, infants don't count.
8. Yes, check with the parents first, or at least make sure you know the parents.
7. Because that's the kind of lawsuit you never want to have to deal with.
6. Preferably children who are rather tall and fidget a lot.
5. Besides, blurry photos can look quite artistic.
4. Especially if you're wearing a floppy hat and sunglasses.
3. Hey, all the celebrities wear that stuff.
2. Well, who cares what the photographer thinks?
1. Look, if they're going to get all huffy, take their picture instead. So there.

If you decide to go the no-suit route (no, not nekkid, clothed)...



If you decide to just wear regular clothes to the beach, remember these tips:

1. Don't wear parachute pants. Baggy pants only make you look thinner if the waist is really loose.
2. You can look thinner if you suck in your gut:

Excellent! Just keep that up until Labor Day, and no worries.

(Jeans photos courtesy of Melting Mama)

For a more serious treatment of this subject, check out the Back in Skinny Jeans post about Bikini Torment. I'm not in a serious frame of mind. Probably because I haven't tried on any swimsuits yet.

Well, how are you going to cope with swimsuit season? Total denial? A what-the-hell attitude? Something in between?

May 20, 2008

The Annual Cranky Fitness Exercise Review

[By Merry]

It's spring, people are starting to think less about shoveling snow and more about exercising for fun. It's time for the first annual exercise review.

Not sure which exercise is for you? The experts at Cranky Fitness have reviewed some of the most popular forms of exercise. But their answers were boring and informative, so I gave them the boot and did the review myself.

Swimming
Pro: Good for people who have joint problems.
Con: People will see you wearing a bathing suit.
Tip: When purchasing swim goggles, find a pair that comes with thick black frames and a false nose, so no one will recognize you.

Did you spot the one person in this flickr photo NOT wearing the glasses?

Kick boxing
Pro: Supposed to get you into shape quickly.
Con: Requires good shoes and a box.
Tip: Before you kick the box, make sure it has not been filled with books, big heavy rocks, or nitroglycerin.

Outdoor bicycling
Pro: Good for people who have weight-bearing issues.
Con: Lack of front and side airbags is a real drawback.
Tip: Wearing a helmet is very, very smart.
See? Wearing a helmet makes people happy.

Indoor (stationary) bicycling
Pro: You don’t have to worry about cars.
Con: You do have to worry about going insane from boredom, plus the stationary bicycle design was lifted from an old idea first developed by the Spanish Inquisition.
Tip: Wearing a helmet will scare people off, so you won’t have to bother with making conversation.


Walking
Pro: So easy, even a toddler can do it!
Con: There are a lot of toddlers out there; you might trip over one. Watch out.
Tip: If walking is too non-strenuous, try race-walking. You get more exercise, plus you will provide innocent merriment for passersby.


Running

Pro: Great aerobic conditioning.
Con: Who cares? You’re puffing like a steam engine and some little old lady in a walker is passing you!
Tip: If new to running, make sure to avoid running near nursing homes, day care centers, and other places where being passed would prove especially humiliating.

They both look ready to kick my butt...





It doesn’t matter which form of exercise you choose so long as you keep moving. You know that. I know that. I know you know that… I’d better stop before I get even more confused. All this terrific* advice notwithstanding**, what is your favorite form of exercise?



(Um... that you can talk about in public.)

* Oh, humor me, would ya?

** I try to throw in the occasional polysyllabic word in a post; I like to think it adds a bit of class and culture to the blog, and maybe even impresses Crabby.