Pono Board Review (and Discount)

By Crabby McSlacker

What exactly is a Pono Board? Do you surf on it? Fling it? Predict the future by letting ancient Hawaiian spirits telepathically move aqua-colored balls around on its sleek wooden surface until your destiny is revealed?

Nope, it's none of these things. A Pono Board is a kinder, gentler balance board that can be used to add a bit of instability to various exercises in a way that is mercifully unlikely to send you sprawling on your face in an ignominious heap of kluzitude.

Ta da!

According to The Pono People, it was designed to feel like a beach workout, actively engaging the core, but not too difficult.

But that's not why I eagerly agreed to acquire and review a springy thingy of my very own. (Disclaimer: I didn't pay for it). What was the reason?

The Pono Board is also designed to function as a stand-up desk accessory, yay!

Here's some more info and a verdict on how I like my Pono Board.

Rut-Buster Playground Workout

What could be more obnoxious than posting an outdoor playground workout when most of the playgrounds throughout the land are coated in treacherous ice and buried under 47 feet of snow?

Oh yeah, maybe posting La Jolla beach bike ride photos during a polar vortex.

Sorry about that. We've already established that I'm kind of an asshole.  But what's a thin-blooded weather-wimpy snow-bird blogger supposed to do when she gets bored with the gym?

Confession: Crabby is a Secret Swinger

 

You can't really blame me, can you, after so many years?  So yeah, maybe I wanted to mix things up a bit.

As I recall my first experience was on a lovely warm evening, after a glass of wine or two, accompanied by seductive music--what can I say? I couldn't resist!

I thought the Lobster might think my proclivities were too, well, weird and embarrassing, but once I explained she was surprisingly accepting, even if she didn't often want to join me.

And hell, now I'm shameless.  I'll do it in the morning, in a park, in broad daylight!  Even though technically what I'm doing there is against the park rules, but hell, what are the chances I'll get caught and punished?

Yep, after years of keeping it respectable....

In The Cranky Fitness Laboratory

The Plucky, Yet Unfortunately Imaginary, Cranky Fitness Research Assistant

Would you like to know some of the exciting develoments now taking place in The Cranky Fitness Laboratory? (Which I feel should be pronounced la-BOR-a-tory, the way it is in old horror movies; it's that kind of place).

The Cranky Fitness Laboratory is situated on the campus of Frittering-Dawdling University, should you ever care to visit.  The lab's Research Director, Professor Crabby McSlacker, will be happy to show you around!  However, be sure to call in advance, because Professor McSlacker is a busy little nutball.  She is always experimenting and tinkering and inventing things. Her research interests include exercise physiology, nutrition, psychology, and, depending on how piggy she's been lately, weight loss.

Let's find out what's going on in there, shall we?

Happiness is a Home Gym

Who cares that we finally got around to putting a home gym in our basement? Well, nobody, probably, but that's why it's great to have a half-dead blog visited by a bunch of imaginary blog readers. I can post stuff occasionally when I get all excited and just pretend people are reading it. (And if the lovely folks at Blogher decide to syndicate the post), I even get to feel like a real blogger again for a few minutes.

So yeah, after years of petty, bitter complaints about our local gym (The temperature! The squeaky equipment! The "having to share!") we finally decided to create a more functional exercise space in our basement. We already had a super-cheap but quite serviceable treadmill (thank you, Sears warehouse) as well as some dumbbells and other odds and ends.

The problem? We figured a workout space that didn't evoke suicidal thoughts might be nice.

But this is what we started with:

Nice, huh?

Though for some perspective... here's a shot of that same space when the previous owners occupied it:

Walking lunges? A bit of a challenge.

And now? Well, we're still dealing with a poorly lit, unfinished basement-- complete with an exposed ceiling, ugly pipes, rusty beams, inexplicable holes, odd protrusions and miscellaneous dangly things. But at least it's now a freshly-painted and cleaned-up unfinished basement.

Voila!


Note the low-tech approach: what we couldn't slap paint on, we covered up with shower curtains. And the gym "flooring" came from Costco and cost approximately the same amount per square foot as toilet paper.

Now wait... what's that back there under the window? Is that... no... could it be?

Yes it is! It's a Precor 5.23 elliptical! Crabby has been pining for one of these babies FOREVER.


Yes, this was the real motivation for the "dump the gym, workout at home" initiative. We hunted for a refurbished Precor, shopped it to death, and finally found this EFX 5.23 for a tiny fraction of what it cost new. Which was still a crapload of money.

But hell, we figure in about 147 years, we should save enough in gym dues to totally make up for it!

Let's see it from another angle, shall we?


See how happy I look? I really have wanted one of these since the dawn of time.

Note: the Lobster was also photographed on the elliptical, and looked totally adorable, but she failed to appreciate this obvious fact and refused to let me post her photo. Spoilsport. But I do let her use the elliptical sometimes too, I promise.

What else is in our home gym? Well, lots of miscellaneous doohickeys we've accumulated over the years. You may notice the collapsible Crabitron in the background; it's still one of my favorite workout machines.


Another awesome feature that the handy Lobster added was a pull-up bar. Now, after years of failed attempts, I can finally do two whole pullups in a row. Or even more fun, three chin-ups! (Yes, some people work doggedly to save the earth, create financial empires, build massive skyscrapers, heal the sick, find inner peace... my goal was one unassisted pull-up before I turned fifty. I'm so proud.)


And yeah, I'm actually still using that TRX thingy you see hanging there, though not to make fitness porn movies, I swear.

Now here's where a real health blogger with a non-imaginary audience might offer some fresh tips on creating your own home gym. But, well, I'm too lazy. I can, however, offer some stale tips written 6 months ago on budget home gyms.

In any event, it is rare for me to be so HAPPY about working out. I'm sure when the novelty of our new home exercise space wears off, I will go back to my usual whining.

How are all my imaginary friends--having a good spring? Finding any new fitness options that don't suck? I miss you guys!

Favorite Low-Tech Fitness Equipment: What's Yours?

Photo: Archangeli

So I love gleaming, high-end, technologically-advanced workout equipment as much as anyone. (And excuse me, Precor people: somehow you missed my previous subtle hint about that cute little EFX 5.31!)

Yet to access fancy expensive equipment, there's a problem: I generally have to go the gym and share the machines with other people.

See, I think that any piece of equipment I want to use should be mine, and other people who got there first should just get the hell out of the way when they see me coming!

Oddly enough, no one at the gym seems to respect my feelings on this.

So over the past year or so, I've been trying to do a few more exercises at home. I use dumbells, strappy things, stretchy things, and my own bodyweight to try to replicate the exercises I'd otherwise do on the big-ass machines at the gym. Sometimes this works fine; other times, I find the low-tech version to be either more cumbersome or less fun than the high-tech version.

But every now and then, I've been thrilled to find a convenient and cheap or free alternative to my gym-dependent options. Wanna know what one of my new favorites is?

It's modeled after the Gravitron (the machine at the gym, not the fancy glass bong or the amusement park ride), and it allows me to do dips in my very own home.

Here's a Gravitron. They cost a lot of money:

(Image: Exercise and Leisure)

And here's the Crabitron. I got it for free, at the dump.



OK, so it only works for dips, not pull-ups, and it works best if you don't need assistance to do dips.

But it's lightweight and collapsible and you can store it under a bed or a couch! And they're easy to find used, now that so many oldsters are trading up for fancier versions with all-terrain wheels, baskets, drink holders, and racing stripes. The old-fashioned kind are often available for cheap or free at garage sales, thrift stores, dumps, or in the back closets of your own aging relatives.

Stop following me, damnit, I'm not done with mine yet!
(Photo: greg westfall)

Anyway, so here's a Crabitron exercise demonstration:

Start Here (Figure 1)

Lower Yourself Down A Bit (Figure 2)

Then Haul Yourself Back Up Again (Figure 3)

Voila!

Then just repeat a bunch of times until your arms hurt like hell and you can't lift yourself up anymore.

To make it easier, I'm guessing you could also tie a stretchy band thing across the top to take some of your weight off. (Or, if you're more adventurous, you could try suspending yourself by a bungee cord from the ceiling.) To make it more challenging, I imagine you could clutch a dumb-bell between your feet, or wear a weighted backpack, or sling a German Shepard over your shoulders. But I haven't tried any variations myself, and there's a good chance that messing around with this will cause the Crabitron to topple over and send you to the hospital with compound fractures and internal injuries. So don't sue me if you want to get fancy!

NOTE: probably best NOT to try this with the kind if walker that has wheels.

So I know that the Bag Lady has cattle to rustle, and Mary at A Merry Life has her stair workout, and Geosomin has leaves to rake, and many of the rest of you have great ideas for low-tech exercises too.

So what's your favorite low-tech exercise? Have you re-purposed any odd items as exercise equipment?

Cheap Ways to Create a Home Gym

Wouldn't it would be nice to have the money and space to create a well-equipped, spacious home gym?

Dream on, Crabby.
(Photo: The Killer Biscuit)

It would also be nice to have a personal chef, daily maid service, a buffed and charming personal trainer, and while we’re at it, a private island retreat with a pool, a 3-story water slide, and a cute little swim-up tiki bar.

Let's just say this is a fruit smoothie, shall we?
Photo: Randy Son Of Robert

However, if you haven't yet managed to purchase a winning Lotto ticket, here are a few ideas for economical ways to work out at home. And I’m hoping Smart Readers will chime in the comments with better suggestions!

General tips:

Look for used equipment at garage sales, second hand stores, or online. Duh, right? But when faced with something bright and new and shiny in a store or catalog, it’s easy to forget that you might be able to get the same thing used. Take advantage of the fact we’re a culture of optimists—really lazy optimists. Some sucker already bought exactly what you want, decided it was too much effort, and is now selling it cheap.

Figure Out What Exercises You Want to Do First. Unfortunately, you can’t just grab a pair of dumbbells or an elastic band and expect it to design an exercise program for you. It’s best to figure out what you’re trying to accomplish before you buy equipment.

If you already have a gym routine and are just trying to replicate it at home, you’ll have an easier time. But if you’re starting from scratch, you may want to read fitness books, do some web surfing, or find a personal trainer to help you design a program.

Ideally, you probably want to get some aerobic exercise, and eventually throw in some high-intensity intervals. You also should think about building some muscles, and working to increase your flexibility and balance. But there are a bazillion different ways to approach these goals, from Bollywood dance videos to gravity defying yoga poses to Olympic weight lifting routines. Some of these will seem almost fun and some will be absolute torture, it's all very personal!

A Few Cardio Options:

Really Cheap: Aerobic Exercise DVD’s (you can even get these off Netflix or free at many public libraries), step platforms, jump-ropes, mini-trampolines, calisthenics or other “functional fitness” routines, and adding circuit training to your weight routine.

But my basement ceiling isn't that high!

No, not “circus training!”

Circuit training just means doing your strength training fairly continuously without letting your heart rate drop too much between exercises.

Another useful home option, if the weather’s good: Your Front Door! (Just open it and go outside for a run, bike ride, walk, or whatever).

Somewhat Reasonable: Used or reconditioned exercise bikes, rowers, manual treadmills, step climbers, manual ellipticals, cross-country ski machines, and those doo-hickeys that convert your street bike into an exercise bike so you can ride around the house without crashing into walls or scaring the crap out of the cat.

Not Cheap but Possibly Affordable: (If you score a good used or reconditioned item): Motorized treadmills or ellipticals or anything else some impulsive dork bought and never used. High quality motorized equipment is most like what they have at commercial gyms, but it’s hard to find cheap.

Strength Training Options:

Really Cheap: Resistance bands, body-weight exercises or functional fitness routines (free, but you need to research these and may need some coaching), make-at-home weights (like soup cans, gallon milk containers), and strength training and yoga DVDS from the library or Netflix.

Fairly Cheap: Garage sale dumbbells, barbells, benches, racks, etc.; pull up bars (use a chair beneath for assistance if you can’t do ‘em on your own); suspension training systems (these are straps like these that come from the ceiling or a doorway that help you use your bodyweight for resistance); medicine balls, kettlebells, weighted vests.

Possibly Affordable if You Find it Used: A multi-station home gym, especially if you’re handy and can go to a seller’s house, disassemble it, schlep it home, and reassemble it yourself.


Balance/Flexibility:

These are all pretty reasonably priced: yoga dvd’s, bosu balls, stability balls, balance boards, and eyelids.

(Instructions for eyelids: close them as you raise one foot off the ground and stand there until you start to teeter. Try to regain balance before performing inadvertent faceplant on the floor).


Do any of you use any of these? Maybe someone has some better suggestions?

Beware the Infomercial

Photo: Lusi

Ever found yourself tempted by an infomercial for workout equipment? I know I have. I see the cheesy ad and I start to laugh, yet by the end, I find myself mesmerized, secretly yearning for a new miracle fitness solution.

It’s just hard not to envy those people exercising in the commercials. I want their lean muscular legs, their strong capable arms, their cute butts and washboard abs and sparkly white teeth! (It’s not clear to me how one gets white teeth from exercise equipment, but it seems to be part of the package).

And the equipment looks so practical and fun. It folds and stows and adjusts to different heights; you can use it eight different ways; it comes with three handy accessories; it works every major muscle group in your body—and just costs $19.99 a month!

Although it seems curious: why do the commercials never mention how many months you have to keep paying for? Do people really not care?

“Honey, did you just buy a vinyl seat, eight elastic bands, and four adjustable aluminum rods for four thousand dollars?”

“Four thousand dollars? Is that how much it actually costs? Why yes dear, I guess I did! But it will exercise our entire bodies in only 15 minutes. And don’t worry, our payments are only $19.99 a month!”

But even knowing how much they cost, and no matter how tempting these things look, I could never bring myself buy an infomercial product. I was raised by skeptical parents who instilled in me a simple rule that I am powerless to disobey: if a product is only sold only on TV, you must not buy it. If it was really any good they would sell it in regular stores.

Is this actually true? Perhaps not. There are probably plenty of exceptions, which I hope you'll tell me about in the comments. But for those of you who did not grow up in a cynical household, here are a five good reasons to think carefully before dialing that phone when you see an exercise infomercial:

1. It’s Not The Product That Makes Those Exercisers Look So Good.

That guy who looks like he could bench press a Ford Explorer or do squats with a refrigerator balanced on his head? He is a fitness model. It's his job to look like that for every project--whether he's promoting a kickboxing DVD, a chin-up bar, or performing in a gay porn video. And trust me, he did not get that way by using stretchy elastic bands or 10 lb kettlebells.

2. High Quality Exercise Systems With Many Moving Parts Are Expensive to Build.

If the infomercial product does exactly what the $20,000 system at the gym does but it only costs $159? That’s because it’s crappy! Paint will flake off, parts will squeak, it won’t feel stable, and the whole thing will probably fall apart minutes after the warranty expires.

3. Exercise Equipment Does Not Come With a Container of Willpower.

Do you fantasize that with a new piece of equipment, exercise will suddenly become fun? It won’t. In fact, twenty minutes after you set it up, the novelty will wear off, and you may find the new piece of equipment much less fun than running, walking, biking, swimming, tennis, rollerskating, or other options you may already have available. So before investing a lot of money, figure out if you’d really use the thing.

4. They are Lying When They Say it’s a Limited Time Offer.

This stuff will only get cheaper if you wait and you’ll get even more “And that’s not alls!” So don’t yield to a sudden impulse and a fake deadline; take some time to think it over.

5. Product Research is a Pain But You Need To Do It.

To find suitable home exercise equipment, you have to look beyond television marketing pitches. Ask a gym rat or consult a personal trainer or read consumer magazines or check fitness web forums. Or go to a real live fitness retailer and try stuff out! There are a lot of great home workout options, but so much of it depends on your interests, budget, space, and commitment. It's worth investing a little time in your search.

Ever bought anything from an infomercial, or been tempted?

Ask The Readers: Best Home Exercise DVDs and Gym Alternatives

Okay Debbie, I'm ready!
(Photo credit: kevindooley)

One of the things I love about Cranky Fitness is the clever, insightful, knowledgeable, and frequently hilarious reader comments we get. But it only just occurred to me that I could actually use this wonderful resource to my own selfish advantage! So I thought I'd ask you all for some advice about something since you all are always offering so many good suggestions.

Lately I've decided I hate my gym*** and so I'm looking for different ways to get exercise. And while I'm particularly curious about exercise DVDs, I'd love to hear about other non-gym alternatives too.

Except for Running.
I love to run, but I have to limit that to once or twice a week because of my crappy knees. So sure, go ahead and tell me how much you love running, and how many bazillion miles you go every day, and how wonderful it is that you can do that and what great shape you are in because of all that #@!%& running.

Cardio Ideas Until Precor Comes Through
In particular, I'm looking for suggestions for home cardio workouts that don't require me to purchase an expensive piece of exercise equipment. Rather than buy something, I'm waiting for the day that the Precor elliptical people will email me about one of their latest offerings.

Hi There, Aren't I Adorable? I'm the EFX 5.31
And I Only Cost Four Thousand Dollars.

Yep, very soon, in my inbox will be that message from the generous folks at Precor. They'll say, "guess what, Crabby McSlacker, we follow your blog closely and know that you like to get high using our elliptical machine. And we're sorry to hear you now you hate your stupid gym and aren't getting on our machines often enough! So since you have a blog audience of literally millions dozens, could you please review a Precor EFX 5.31 and say nice things about it? It's the kind without the annoying swinging arms because we know you hate those. Oh and hey, once you're done reviewing it, why don't ya just keep it, we got plenty more of 'em!"

Photo: oddsock

My goodness, that's odd... what was that pig just doing?

Anyway, until the Precor people come through with my spankin' new elliptical trainer, I'm thinking maybe of trying something like an exercise DVD. Because, goodness knows I'm an excellent candidate: with my great sense of rhythm and balance, my open-minded temperament and willingness to try new things, my gracefulness, and my appreciation of random music chosen not by me but by strangers with vastly different musical tastes who are trying to avoid paying expensive royalties to real composers and musicians... gosh this is all going to turn out well, don't you think?

But I do know it's time to try something different! And I have a basement, a TV, and a DVD player. Plus I recently discovered that Netflix and our local library may have videos and dvds for free!

This one, however, is probably not happening.
Especially if I'm required to wear an outfit like that.

So, dear readers, I know that not everyone belongs to a gym or goes running every day, yet many of you manage to get your cardio in with a minimum of whining. I'd be particularly interested in recommendations for exercise dvds that have awesome music and fun moves that you actually enjoy. But alternatively, I'm just curious what you do for cardio and how you like it!

***Of course it's totally not fair that I hate my gym, it's a perfectly fine small town gym and lots of nice people go there. But now it's June and it's getting crowded and there are other people hanging out on my machines when I want to use them! And there's nowhere to stretch and all the broken equipment is not getting fixed including my favorite elliptical trainer which has been all rickety and thunky-clunky for months now! Plus, it's always too damn hot in there.

Aside from a personality transplant, any suggestions?

Hey! They're trying to burst my bubble!

Stable? Sure I'm stable... oh, you mean the fitness ball?

I'm slow. You all probably read this already at Fit Bottomed Girls. (Or from ABC News.)

EB Brands, a company that makes fitness balls for Bally Total Fitness, Everlast, Valeo and Body Fit Fitness Balls, is "recalling" their fitness balls. Turns out these fitness balls can burst if they're not inflated properly -- but the proper instructions on how to inflate them are not included with the product, and the balls are sold as "unbreakable."

Does that make any kind of sense to you?

The Consumer Product Safety commission says that 47 people have complained about the fitness balls bursting since 2000. It's not a situation of people using fitness balls that are not suited for their weight. One woman, just over 100 pounds in weight, had the fitness ball she was sitting on burst when she was lifting weights.

And it gets better. (Or worse.) ABC says, "Though the action is termed a recall, EB Brands won't actually be taking the balls back unless they have burst." According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, "Consumers should contact EB Brands to receive a copy of the updated instructions on how to safely inflate the ball."


So, let me see if I have this straight. If I buy one of these things, the label on the box still says "unbreakable." If I find out the hard way (ouch!) that the ball isn't unbreakable, they'll send me a new one -- so I can break some other part of my body? Will they take the "unbreakable" label off the box first? They won't send me the corrected instructions unless I know to ask for them. (They have apparently just started shipping boxes containing the new instructions; i.e. if a box is already sitting out on a shelf in a store, it doesn't contain the latest instructions or carry any indication that there's a problem.) If I don't know to ask for the corrected instructions, then what I don't know might hurt me.

Okay, some people need to go back to Customer Relations school and polish their image while they're at it. This is not good PR.

Yes, this IS the Complaints Department. How can I help (myself to) you?

Strength Training for Beginners

Image credit: popoever

Thinking about adding some strength training to your exercise routine, but aren't sure how to get started?

Building up muscle strength is really good for you. (More on that in a moment) And if you're female, we promise you're not going to end up looking freakishly masculine and massively proportioned. First off, you need a bunch of testosterone for that. And secondly, hardcore muscle-building is kick-ass hard work! It involves effort, frustration, exhaustion, and pain, and it's pretty much impossible to accidentally do too much.

Wait, where are you all going???

Sorry. Strength training really doesn't have to be all that unpleasant. That's mostly a problem for whiny slackers like yours truly, who would love to look pretty darn muscular, but would like it to happen via Fairy Dust, not actual work. Even for slackers, working with weights is pretty rewarding. Not just in terms of appearance and health benefits, but in actually being able to lift heavy stuff without ending up in the hospital.

So, for some tips to get started, who is better suited to offer advice than Crabby McSlacker?

Almost anyone, that's who!

That's why I asked some much better informed folks, like MizFit and Kelly of Fitness Fixation and Rupal of 101 Exercises and Personal Trainer Terri Walsh to help me out with links from their sites and helpful tips. Plus... we got The Google in on it too.

And if you already strength train, hang in there, because I'm really hoping you'll read this post, realize you know a LOT more about the subject than I do, and chime in with your tips and personal experiences for newbies to benefit from.

Why it's So Important to Learn The Physiological Processes Behind Muscle Building
In order to start strength training, it crucial that you first understand the process by which muscle is built and concepts such as progressive overload, zzzzzzz the distinctions between isotonic, isometric zzzzzzzzz and plyometric zzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz.

Okay, maybe we don't really give a crap about that after all.

Why Is Strength Training Good for You?
There's a handy list at WebMD. But there's also a nice summary over at 101 Exercises of what strength training can do:

• increase metabolic rate which in turn allows your body to burn calories more efficiently, even at rest
• cut down on cardiovascular stress by reduction of resting blood pressure and heart rate
• increase bone density, thus reducing risk of osteoporosis
• improve strength, power and muscular endurance
• and even help firm up ‘bingo arms’ ‘moobs’ and ‘muffin tops’!

Rupal also contributed some further thoughts and inducements:

"Each pound of added muscle burns approximately 35 to 50 more calories daily. That can add up! And if you're a competitive sort, strengthening can enhance athletic performance. Swing the golf club harder, climb hills faster in a race, jump higher and cycle faster! It can also help prevent injuries: stronger, more balanced musculature equals greater stability at joints, more effective and efficient biomechanical relationships and enhanced movement performance."

Choosing Equipment and Setting
You can do your strength training in a gym. You can do it at home. You can do it on a train; you can do it in the rain; you can do it with a fox; you can do it in a box... oops, wait, maybe not! (Too much Dr. Seuss as a child, sorry).

As to equipment, you can use weight machines (they have combo home versions too); or use barbells, dumbells, a weight bench. Don't like heavy objects? You can also use resistance bands or tubes; fancy suspension systems; you can use use your own body weight for many exercises too. You can use even use live human children, but don't tell anyone we said that.

How to decide which way to go?

It's all very personal, and of course has quite a bit to do with convenience, space, goals, and costs. There's no right or wrong answer. I would advise against making huge financial commitments, either with long-term gym memberships or fancy-pants equipment, until you've tried a few different methods.

One tip: there are many reasons you might want to avoid gyms, like you don't want to leave the house to exercise, or you hate to wait for equipment, or the smell of a gym reminds you of high school and causes you to burst into tears at unpredictable intervals. All very reasonable. But don't let self-consciousness keep you out of a perfectly good gym.

You have every right to be in that gym, beginner or not. If you get some basic instructions before you start off, and don't do anything too obnoxious, no one will even notice you. The regulars are all too busy flexing, grunting, cursing, and staring at their own reflections in the mirror to care that you're lifting bright pink 2 lb dumbbells or grand pianos. You can join for a brief period; try out all kinds of things; get some instructions; and then use that info to put together your own home set-up.

General Tips
Virtually everyone I asked and every place I googled emphasized the same two important points:

1. Learn about proper form before you start.

2. Start off easy and build the habit before you try to lift heavy. Eventually, you will want to lift heavier and heavier weights--and in fact, I remember a study saying that most people, and women in particular, settle in at weights that aren't nearly heavy enough to challenge them.

But worry about that later. When you're just starting out, your job is to learn proper form and get in the habit of regular strength training. Save injury-inducing bonehead feats of stupidity for later on! By then, you'll have enough invested in your progress that mere sprained, torn, broken, or otherwise abused body parts won't keep you from quitting completely.

Getting Help
If you have googled around a bit looking for general guidance on getting started, you may have discovered that the advice you get is frustratingly general (like mine). Or, it is way too overwhelming--you get hundreds of possible exercises and contradictory instructions depending on who is offering the advice.

Thus I'd recommend picking one fairly reliable source, learning the basics, and then progressively getting more and more information customized to your particular goals and needs. Note: MizFit is one of our favorite reliable sources, and much of the rest of this post is swiped from her blog with her very generous permission.

Here are some of the options for designing your program and starting out:

Human: This is one of the best methods, because an actual live person can listen to your goals, note your limitations, and see what you're doing wrong and corrrect your form. How to find a helpful human? Many gyms offer a free orientation to their equipment when you join; and it's no secret you can pay a personal trainer. Mizfit has some great tips about how to choose a good personal trainer, and so does Kelly from Fitness Fixation.

Virtual Human: There are online sources offering more personalized plans than a book. Of course they can't hover over you like an in-person trainer and tell you your knees are in the wrong place or your butt's sticking out too far. One I happen to know of is Terri Walsh, a celebrity personal trainer in NYC. Have I trained with her? Heck no, do I look like a celebrity? But she did send me a nifty ebook full of useful exercises, and she also does an online training service for (just) under $20 a month. (She's also one of the 2009 trainers in People Magazine's "Half Their Size" project). But there are plenty others out there I haven't been introduced to, and maybe readers could share their experiences, good or bad.

Books, DVD's, etc:
Mizfit helps us out again on books: She likes Arnold Schwarzenegger's book because, "while I don't wish to look like he does, the explanations and photos are immensely helpful." She also finds that Weight Training For Dummies "gives clear, concise, bottom-line suggestions for how to devise and stick to a weight training plan."

This is another area where we could use some help. The last book I consulted one by Diana Nyad, which was very comprehensive and helpful at the time, but came out a hundred years ago back in the 80's and is probably out of print. We're hoping folks in the comments will help fill in this section with favorite books, dvd's or websites!

UPDATE: look for more suggestions in the comments! But one that came up over and over was: The New Rules of Lifting for Women: Lift Like a Man, Look Like a Goddess. Lots of folks have found this book helpful.


Basic Routines

How Much and How Often? What Exercises Should I Do?

This is where it starts to get overwhelming. I'll just include the advice of a few folks, but again, you may want seek Professional Help to craft a routine that's right for you.

MizFit again is a super resource.

While she is, like Crabby, a believer in starting off with guidance from a live human, she offered up a sample beginner full body routine in one of her posts.

"Start off twice a week (remember, we are setting ourselves up for success!) doing only two sets per exercise at a weight where you can complete 12-15 repetitions the first set without struggle and 10-12 repetitions the last set and feel *challenged* but not in pain.

What should you include in this routine?

1 exercise for chest.
1 exercise for back.
1 exercise for biceps.
1 exercise for triceps.
1 exercise for shoulders.
2-4 for your legs (depending on time available and your current fitness level.)

As you become more fit you can increase your workout to three times a week (never on back-to-back days) and, as your fitness level increases still, you may wish to break down your routine into an upper body workout one day and lower body/shoulders on another.

And you know what's really cool? MizFit has videos to show you how to do these exercises, with emphasis on proper form.

Legs:
Legs Video 1
Legs Video 2
Legs Video 3
Legs Video 4


Arms:
Arms Video 1
Arms Video 2
Arms Video 3
Arms Video 4
Arms Video 5


Chest/back:
Video 1
Video 2
Video 3
Video 4
Video 5

Terri Walsh, when she's not busy shrinking people to half their size, recommends working towards these essential exercises:

Push ups
Pull ups
Squats
Lunges
Dips
Crunches

However, as we've mentioned, tough exercises like pushups and pullups may require modification, especially for beginners. Terri says that as a trainer, she always starts people off slow and then adds workouts as they get more comfortable. She suggests "Start off with two workouts per week. If you make all those workouts happen in a month, then add ONE more to the week the next month. And so on. The goal is not to torture yourself, but to allow your mind, body and life to catch up to, and get used to your new thinking. Too many changes all at once is harder on the psyche than most people will admit, and that imo, causes 'relapses'."

Here's another list of "top ten exercises"; Stumptuous has lots more information on free weights for women, and of course Rupal has tons of exercises over at her place.

Warnings and Hazards
Kelly at Fitness Fixation has some very specific warnings about common exercises that people do wrong. Sample tip (among many) for the squat: "Your chest should remain upright and your back curved. I mean curved so that you are sticking out your chest and ass, like, yes, a supermodel in a waterfall."


So, do any of you have any advice for those just starting off? Any inspirational tales or horror stories?

(And if you've got a great post on this that you've written or seen somewhere, feel free to leave a link in your comment below for new folks to check out! Unless you're selling something slimy, in which case, please go somewhere else to leave your spam.)

Exercising with lubricant: me and Manuel

Does that title sound naughty? I can't help it; when I discuss non-motorized treadmills, it's hard to avoid the smutty humor.

The inestimable Mizfit wrote a post about ... well, a bunch of good stuff, including cupcakes, but that's a side issue at the moment. What I'm concerned with is her request for more information about non-motorized treadmills. It made me realize that I never followed up with a description of my relationship with my manual treadmill, Orlando Manuel.

Good points about a manual treadmill:

• It's quiet. I can listen to the television or the iPod without blasting the volume while using Manuel.
• It's lightweight. Without all that hefty motorized stuffing, I can fold it up and put it away quite easily.
• It's tiny. My living room is not the size of a grand ballroom, so it's handy that I can fit Manuel in without having to climb over him to get to the television or something.
• It's easily 1/3 the price of a motorized treadmill.
• You can get a workout even when the power's off!

Drawbacks:

• It's always at an angle. That's a pain, but the more level the manual treadmill is, the harder it is to get it to move.
• Manuel needs lots of lubricant. WD-40 is a requirement.
• There are no pre-programmed programs (pardon my redundancy) for running hills or intervals.
• With Manuel, at least, you have to hold on to the rails to have something to push against. Otherwise the treadmill belt will stick, no matter how liberal you were with the lubricant.
• I swear on all the cupcakes in the pantry that the speedometer is delusional. This is probably just an issue with Manuel, but the rate it claims I'm going is not, cannot be my current speed. It must calculate this by some average that I can't figure out. (Or, it's demented.)

On the other hand, a treadmill is a treadmill. I mean, whether motorized or self-propelled, the dang thing will get your blood pumping and your heart rate elevated. Despite all the references to lubricant, Manuel is useful. I think any piece of exercise equipment is useful, so long as the human is willing to actually use it.

Have you ever bought a piece of exercise equipment only to end up using it as an extra coat rack?

Photo credit: celesth

Treadmill Rage

This Guest Post was written by Charlotte Anderson over at The Great Fitness Experiment, which as many of you have discovered is one of the best fitness blogs on the planet. Charlotte also blogs at Huffington Post and she's been on TV and seems generally to be headed for a Bright Shiny Future. I can't help but find myself insanely jealous filled with admiration! And today she has a fun Quiz for us. Enjoy!--Crabby


Guest Post by Charlotte Anderson

You've heard of "road rage." But have you, or anyone you love, been a victim of Treadmill Rage? Have you ever felt a murderous impulse rise as you watch the two giggling teens monopolize your favorite machines for an hour without even having the decency to break a sweat? Take this test to find out!

1. Have you ever fantasized about chucking a dumbbell at someone on the weight floor?

• Was it a slow-moving grandpa or a confused lifting newbie? -5 points.
• Was it a meathead carefully monopolizing every piece of equipment on the weight floor (signaled by him placing exactly one item of his squarely in the middle of each bench and then walking territorially around the room surveying his domain)? +1 point, +3 if you actually hit him.

2. Have you ever had the urge to stick your arm out and clothesline someone running on the track?

• Were you bitter just because they are faster than you? 0 points just for considering it (we're human after all) -3 points if you actually did it. You jerk.
• Was said runner passing you on the inside? While screaming "Outta my way, I'm doing Fartleks!!"? Did she catch you with an elbow? +1 point for fantasizing, +5 if you actually throw your arm out - congratulations, you just made the world a safer place. You're like Superman. Someone give you a medal. And a cape.

3. Your favorite cardio equipment is taken. Do you:

• Find something else to get your heartrate up? +3 for being flexible - yogis have nothing on you.
• Sigh loudly & tap your feet while looking impatiently from your watch to the display on their machine? 0 points if the display reads 0:03:42. You want your own machine? Buy one. +1 points if the display reads 0:47:21. They're obviously going the full hour. Nobody stops on a "weird" number. +5 points if the display reads 3:25:54 and you give them a pamphlet on exercise bulimia - you good citizen, you.

4. The girl at the front of your aerobics class is obviously new and lost.

• Is she just using the mirror to do her hair? +1 for staring, hoping she gets the hint to actually move her body. It's cardio Barbie. +2 if you run up to "help" her and then style her as a Muppet. The whole class will thank you.
• Do you ignore her? 0 points. You're no hero but at least you refrained from rolling your eyes at your friend. In the mirror.
• Do you give her a little encouragement during the water break and maybe help her nail that tricky part because, hey, at least she's making the effort to exercise? +4 points. Can I be in your classes??
• Do you Carefully move up on her until you're breathing down her neck so she knows she's in your space? -3 points. It's not your spot. You don't have a spot. Nobody does except the teacher. And dogs. And then laugh loudly every time she makes a mistake? -10 points. You sociopath.

The Cure

Treadmill Rage is common. We've all felt it. Hopefully we didn't act on it (unless you have a really good reason, see list above). But giving in to your violent impulses really won't increase your calorie burn. Much.

Do you know what is much harder? Being nice. For some reason it doesn't come naturally to most of us, especially if we (ahem, me) are competitive. But being kind and forgiving is actually much better for your health. Besides adding up to 5 years to your life (see? You'll outlive all those jerks! That'll teach 'em!! Oh, wait...), being chill helps ease depression & anxiety while helping you heal faster from surgery, increasing your life satisfaction and giving you a happier outlook on life.

For a great example check out what this biker does when confronted with inconsiderate drivers (thanks for tip TJ!!). Truly this is a great story and if nothing else will help you pay more attention to who's in the crosswalk. He's one creative and gutsy dude:)

Tell me if you've ever been a victim or perpetrator of Treadmill Rage! Don't worry we won't judge or laugh. Much. ;)

Gratuitous Beefcake and Perfect Pull-Up Giveaway

Feeling' a little restless and need to burn off some energy? Wouldn't it be nice to have this waiting for you in your basement? Or, heh-heh-heh, your spare bedroom?

Yeah, okay, we don't actually mean Mr. Meaty here. We mean the Perfect Pull-Up, which actually looks pretty cool.

(Oops, did we just scare off all the straight guys? Sorry! But Cranky Fitness feels a responsibility to fight against the inexcusably tiny Beefcake-to-Cheesecake ratio in modern advertising. We're going to try to tip the scales back to 50-50! Do check back in a few thousand years, will you, and see how that's going?)

And Giveaway Skimmers, yes, it's that time.

You know what to do. Details about the nifty fitness product and the entry instructions are below if you're feeling impatient with my disjointed thoughts about pull ups and home fitness equipment and want to skip down. Don't worry; the regulars and I will join you in the comments section in a few minutes--and we promise not to talk about you while you're gone.

Bye now!

(Ha! Think they bought it? Now... since it's just us again...don't you think that the people who actually read Cranky Fitness posts even when they're boring are way COOLER than the folks who just head straight down for a chance to win the goodies?

Ooops... shh... I think I hear a few of them coming back.... Quick, let's distract them!)




Where were we? Oh yeah...

Pull-Ups!

So I know I've blogged about them before, because there seems to be a big movement to get women doing pull-ups. Which is great, in that pull-ups are one of those good combo moves, where you get to work a bunch of muscles at once. We like that!

We just don't think anyone should feel bad if they can't do unassisted pull-ups. Especially since I can't do them yet either. Doing unassisted pull ups should not be some sort of new Fitness Requirement. But for those who can do them: hooray for you! (I'm getting closer, but so far, still need about 20 lbs of assistance. You can bet if I ever get to the point I can do them without help, I'll be posting my first ever Cranky Fitness video and you're all gonna have to pretend you've watched it).


Got a Home Gym?

Since it turns out I actually didn't have much to say about pull-ups that I haven't already said, let's talk about another giveaway related subject: working out at home.

Alas, I don't have a home gym set-up anymore. We used to have one in California, and I miss it a lot.

You know which was the most useful piece of equipment we had in our gym?

(Ours was not this nice)

Yep, the washer. And the dryer. Because it was the need to visit these machines that reminded us of the treadmill and the weights and stability ball, etc.

Did you know that doing laundry goes particularly well with weight training? Especially if you hate weight training and have to coax yourself in to it. Instead of doing it all at once, you can just do a couple of exercises every time you bring down laundry or fold clothes or whatever. Eventually, both the laundry and your strength training are done!

Your sure can't do that at 24 Hour Fitness.

Of course, even if you don't have weights or a perfect pull-up machine or a treadmill, you can still exercise at home.

And the clever folks at Elastic Waist put up this helpful video to explain just how to do it!




About The Perfect Pull-Up:

So the Perfect Pull-Up comes from the same folks who make the Perfect Pushup. You can find more pictures of Mr. Meaty read more about the product at the Perfect Pullup Page of the Perfect Pushup Website.

But if you don't feel like clicking, here's the PR Pitch from the Perfect PullUp People:

It's "a complete system for working over 600 muscles, now available with an ab strap that provides an additional workout for the body core. Additional innovations include rotating handles that allow consumers to do pullups and chinups together for the first time and two swing arms that can be used in three different positions where consumers of any fitness levels can improve from standing row pullups, to Australian pullups, to normal pullups."

The system retails for $99.95 and includes "one adjustable Pullup bar, two swing arms, two rotating handles, ab straps, and a 21-day workout created by founder and former Navy SEAL Alden Mills." It installs into any standard door frame. It's designed to "take one of the toughest basic exercises, the pullup, and makes it doable for consumers of any fitness level."

Sounds awesome!


How To Win A Perfect Pull Up:

Sorry, U.S. residents only again, dagnab it. (Although international folks can play for a U.S. friend). Note: if we EVER get a product that the PR firms are willing to have shipped internationally, I think I'm going to have an International Only Giveaway, not that it would make up for all of these.

If you'd like to enter, leave a comment saying why you might want a Perfect Pullup. And of course, we appreciate comments of all kinds, whether they be about Pullups or Beefcake or Fridays or whatever. The entries we like best (for completely arbitrary reasons) will be given triple credit and assigned 3 numbers rather than one.

And I don't usually mention this, but in case you were wondering... folks who leave multiple comments are only entered in these things for their first comment, so no need to worry if you see someone coming back to chat. We like that just fine! (However, if anyone is ever caught coming up with multiple identities to try to fool us into thinking you are different people, you will be banned from winning CF giveaways for life. You will also acquire some pretty nasty karma. But we don't tend to attract that sort of person here, thank goodness).

Contest deadline: Tuesday night, Sept 30th; winner announced Wednesday, Oct 1. If you win, please email to claim your prize by Friday Oct 3rd.

Note: Another post is coming up later today--we owe you quiz answers, and I want to post a bit of a Blog Update.

Oh, and for another cool giveaway, be sure to check out what Leslie's got for you over at The Weighting Game!

EIlipticals and Treadmills... For Kids?

[By Crabby]

(There are some here if you want one.)

Anyone happen to catch this Boston Globe article on fitness equipment for children?

Yep, that's right, there's a company that now makes treadmills and elliptical trainers for children as young as three.

What do you think?

When I read the article, I had mixed feelings.
My First Reaction: Aaaaahhhhkkkk!

Truly, I saw the headline and thought: What a f*cked up world we live in. What happened to the notion of "play?" Exercise is not supposed to miserable until you're an adult, damn it!

(Warning: Grumpy Old Fogey Alert)

I know kids are getting fat. And I know they need more activity. But not this way! What happened to playgrounds and front lawns and freeze tag and kickball and stupid dangerous made-up games involving jumping off of things and tackling each other?

I'd never trade the bruises, gashes, scrapes and stitches I got as a kid for hours spent in front of a tv, computer, or video game console, broken up by "structured" exercise sessions on a piece of equipment.



I'm not a parent, so I have no idea of how the transformation happened by which kids have been declared too fragile to "go out and play" like we did. I know you all think the world is much more dangerous now. Maybe it is. But I think it's more our thinking that's changed.

Here's the thing: Forty years ago, we still had traffic, pedophiles, rusty nails, drugs, bullies, broken glass, rattlesnakes, and even serial killers. We just assumed all the bad things happened to other people, and usually it did. Mom said "go out and play" and we did. We played kickball in the street until someone yelled "Car!!!!" We climbed trees and water towers and roofs where we didn't belong. We ran around not because we had to, but because we wanted to.

I know not every neighborhood is safe enough for kids to go out and play in. Yet doesn't it almost seem like the safer the neighborhood, the less likely you are to see kids playing in it? 'Cause they're all inside, or they've been rounded up and shipped off for officially sanctioned activities.

We probably had a lot more accidents and injuries forty years ago. Because, hey, every now and then it was your turn to jump off the top of a ladder with a grocery bag for a parachute.

But today the young 'uns are all completely safe and supervised. And a good percentage of them are fat and are going to die early of heart disease and diabetes or liver problems. Unless they get on a ridiculous little kiddie treadmill or hire a personal trainer or wear a pedometer? Yikes.

Sigh. The world's goin' to hell in a handbasket.

(This Concludes the Old Fogey Rant; you may now safely resume your regular blog reading activities).


My Second Reaction: Well, OK, Maybe in Some Cases...

On further reflection, and after a more careful reading of the article, I realized that there might be some times when having a kiddie treadmill or elliptical would make some sense.

If you're a busy mom, and the kids are watching everything you do and wanting to join you in your workout? Well, that might be a cool! And having their own little junior version might help keep them off your equipment, which could be an expensive/dangerous proposition.

After all, we buy kids junior versions of cars and vacuum cleaners and ovens and garden tools. As I recall, imitating adults can feel like "play" when you're a kid, even though the actual activities might be "work" for the adults themselves.

So if you're buying a kiddie treadmill or elliptical as a "toy" that your kid will enjoy, and you can "play" together, that seems pretty reasonable.

(But how "fun" is a treadmill gonna be for a kid after the first few minutes? Just wondering.)

So enough of the Crab and her grumpy-ass opinions. What do you all think?

Stability Ball Winner

The Random Number Generator has spoken, and the winner of the Stability Ball giveaway is:

Praying Horse!

Please email Crabby McSlacker @ gmail dot com with your mailing address (and perhaps a name, unless your postal carrier can find you just fine with Praying Horse) by Thursday night, Aug 21st, midnight EST to claim your prize.

And there were some hilarious comments on that post; thanks everyone!

Stability Ball Giveaway

[By Crabby]


Yes, we have a big plastic bouncy thing to give away this week! Thanks, Sportsmith!

Plus a little pump to go with it--because, alas, the balls aren't nearly as useful when there's no air in them. I know this first hand, because when our little stability ball pump got lost during our move, all I could do was stare sadly at the deflated puddle of plastic for weeks and weeks.

(That is, until the Lobster located a little plastic adapter that would work with our bicycle pump. Clever Lobster! She accomplished this by buying:


which she has been longing for for quite some time. Fortunately it did not come pre-stocked with a happy little hetero family (what would we feed them?) but even better, it had a little pump adapter that worked perfectly in the Stability Ball! Or perhaps she got one from the neighbors when she inflated the pool. Anyway, I came home one afternoon to find the Lobster splashing happily in the backyard and my big bouncy ball back again!)

Attention Giveaway Skimmers, you can come back now! We're done with the Crab/Lobster/inflatable wading pool digressions.

Oh wait... One quick question, before we get into exciting technical details and the contest instructions and the multitude of useful things you can do with your big bouncy ball.

Why the heck are they called "Stability Balls?" Aren't they really the opposite? Isn't the whole point of them to make you feel like if you don't pay proper attention keep everything squeezed tight you might fall over and cause bodily injury and make an ass of yourself?

Just sayin'.

Anyway, this is an "anti-burst" Stability ball, which seems like a really good feature when you think about it. In fact, I bought my ball years ago, and I wonder, could I have purchased an earlier "pro-burst" model that's likely to explode if hop on after a big meal? Yikes!

So it's also important to note that these things come in sizes. There's a 55 cm Small One, for people 5'0" to 5'6"; a 65cm Medium One for those 5'7" to 5'11"; and a 75cm Big Honkin' One for you tall folks 6 feet or over.

What does one do with a stability ball?

Well, I'm actually lazy and unimaginative, so I use mine mostly for stretching. I heard somewhere that flopping over the top of one, face up, and dangling your head back so that you're in an upside down U will not only stretch your back, but decompress your spine and keep your back from gettting all squooshed and scrunched when you're older and might even keep you from shrinking. Is this true? I have no idea, quite possibly not! But I have no motivation to go out and find out otherwise, since it motivates me to stretch out my back.

But, you can do ALL KINDS of exercises with these things, even a complete workout!

Here is a Cute Perky Female Sparkperson video; alternatively, there's also one with a Handsome Guy So Secure in his Masculinity He Uses A Bright Pink Yoga Mat.

For people at work who do not want to broadcast panting exercise video sounds to their neighboring cubes, we have some written instructions here.

But by far the BEST GUIDE EVER to proper use of a stability ball is this instructional post, brought to you by the fabulous Bossy of I Am Bossy.



Contest Instructions:
So wanna win one? Just leave a comment on this post before midnight, EST, Tuesday August 19th and check back the next day (Wednesday 8/19) to find out if you've won. (Or else someone else might get your stability ball!) And feel free to comment about any ol' thing--stability balls, inflatable pools, how your summer is going, if you're getting S.H.I.I.T. done these days, whatever... and we'll choose a random winner.

And, crap, I forgot... afraid this is another U.S. residents only. Sorry!!!!!