Run Slowly, Live Longer? Exercise Thresholds May Be Key

rackham drawing via wikipedia

Guest Post by Tiffany Reiss

I'm pleased to present another thoughtful post by Cranky Fitness contributor Tiffany Reiss, who as you may recall is a university professor and actually knows something about exercise physiology! She's also one of the innovators behind the website The Hub Edu, which enables users to build a digital library of resources and share with others.  (In beta but very cool, and free!) More about Tiffany can be found by scrolling down on our info page.  --Crabby

The Tortoise and the Hare

As I child I grew up watching all of the Disney movies. My mother loved them and in turn, we watched them. We also watched “Wonderful World of Disney” on Sunday evenings and I remember seeing this Tortoise and Hare Disney short film numerous times on those special Sundays:

The moral of the story is clear. Slow and steady wins the race. But really, the hare seems so much more exciting and seems to have a lot more fun. Maybe I was just delusional but I would still have preferred to be the hare as opposed to the tortoise. Our society seems to agree and support this infrastructure and “speedy” mentality.

However, if some of the latest research is correct, it looks as though that tortoise might have had it right all along, especially when it comes to running.

Swimming Lessons

photo: x-ray delta one

By Crabby McSlacker

OK, so regular readers may recall that:

1. I recently hurt my back;
2. I am hilariously inept at my physical therapy exercises and seem to be making little progress yet in the back-healing department;
3. I've been bemoaning my lack of back-friendly exercise options and bitching about how I am getting less fit by the day;
4. I discovered taking up swimming might be a feasible option; and,
5. I have always loathed everything about swimming.

(A quick review? Let's see: apparel requirements; chlorine; my lack of natural floatiness or coordination; being forced to arrange breathing opportunities instead of snarfing up air any damn time I want to; and sharing a pool with other people. And of course most excruciatingly: having to initiate the activity by submerging myself voluntarily in cold nasty evil frigid wetness. Acck! For a warm-blooded mammal such as myself, this feels like a profoundly unnatural act).

Seriously, the only great thing about swimming is that eventually it is over with.

So, one might wonder, given my wonderful positive attitude towards the whole enterprise: how is the swimming thing going so far?  Can an Old Crab learn some New Tricks? And are there any tedious lessons said Old Crab can share from her experience?

Injured? Hooray!

photo: I Can Has Cheezeburger

By Crabby McSlacker

So yeah, this is me trying to do the whole positive reframe thing.  Can I stop whining for a few minutes and attempt to consider that having a back injury is not something to kvetch about? Perhaps it is even a wonderful growth opportunity in disguise?

But no worries, fellow crankypants skeptics. I'll excuse you for a moment if you want to step outside and barf. (Just remember for the sake of your coworkers or loved ones to mop up afterwards, and be sure to brush your teeth).

The weird thing is...  this is not just some a total bullshit attempt to cheer myself up.  I can actually see both sides: When you want to be active and are sidelined, injuries suck! And yet injuries can also lead to really freakin' good stuff.

The trick, I'm thinking, is deciding whether to cope with injuries in Typical Dumbass Ways, or try to be more Clever and Sneaky about it. Having tried plenty of the former techniques, I thought it might be time to experiment with something different for a change.

Doing "Real" Push-Ups Without Pain? Ask the Trainers!

Lots of people, women in particular, would like to work up to "real" full-body push ups. They're a great upper body workout, and wouldn't it be cool to one day have such awesome upper body strength you get compliments like "wow, check out those guns?"

Er... OK. A tad too literal?

Well, as long as we're trolling around in public domain images (and hoping that Wikipedia is correct in asserting that an image which is "a work of a U.S. military employee, taken or made as part of that person's official duties" is indeed in the public domain, because who wants to piss off gals with guns?) lets just go with a classic.

There, that's better.

Anyway, despite the awesomeness of push-ups, many folks seem to have wrist or shoulder or other bio-mechanical issues that make them problematic.

We, (and by "we" I mean the entire imaginary Cranky Fitness Editorial Staff), asked four knowledgeable personal trainers for their advice.

How to do push ups without pain?

They also coughed up instructional pictures and videos, hooray!

And of course the least-expert fitness blogger on the planet had to weigh in at the end too. Let's start with the smart advice, shall we?

Rotator Cuff Advice; Finding a Personal Trainer

Yep, it's time for our next installment of "Ask the Personal Trainer!"

There are two questions this week for our esteemed panel of trainers.  And how about I just jump right in for once with the first question instead of blathering on for countless paragraphs?

But don't worry about getting too much sensible advice all at once. I plan to make my own shocking suggestion, one that any legitimate personal trainer would find annoying and counterproductive at best, and possibly illegal and dangerous. Welcome to Cranky Fitness!

Barefoot /Minimalist Running, Should You Try It?

Is anyone else totally confused by the conflicting advice out there on what the hell we should be wearing on our feet to run, walk or otherwise work out in?

Probably Not a Good Idea

As with most other fitness debates, this seems to be one of those questions where there may be no universal best answer; everyone is different and you may need to (carefully) experiment. But after much research, pondering, vacillation, hair-pulling and cursing, I've reached a tentative decision about what may be best for me.

Here's what I've come up with, and I discovered a couple of magic tricks which may only work for me, but what the hell.  But I'll be quite curious to see what you all do about the question of appropriate footwear.

Dancing for Exercise? Six Big Mistakes To Avoid

Can You Spot the Form Mistake?
(See answer in the Comments)
 Photo: Philippe LeRoyer

I am not the first person to note that dancing is both great fun and great exercise.  The combination of movement and music is exhilarating! And you can pick an appropriate intensity for whatever your mood and fitness goal--whether it's a sexy salsa with your significant other, a zingy zumba class at the gym, a dignified waltz with Uncle Freddie, or some serious suicidin' & downrockin' with all your b-boy & b-girl buddies.

(And just how pathetically obvious is it that I know absolutely nothing about urban dance?)

But what if... horror of horrors...  you're doing it all wrong? The repercussions could be as minor as an eyeroll from your significant other, up to far more dire scenarios ending in serious injury, insanity, or death.

Sound like fun?

OK, I'm exaggerating, as usual.  Dancing is only rarely a fatal activity.  But playing on fears of doing something "wrong" is one of the time honored ways of getting people to click on links and read things!

But here's what I've managed to scrape up in the way of advice:  

1. Don't be a scaredy-cat

Photo: Buntekuh

The biggest mistake of all is to avoid dancing altogether because you fear you will suck at it.

Dancing is a blast!  It's also really beneficial for your health and well-being. I'm too lazy to go over the many health benefits of dancing, but since others have explained why dancing is good for you and even how it will make you smarter, it's safe to just trust me on this.

However, I don't really practice what I preach. I love moving to music, and was an aerobic and step class addict back in the 80's and 90's.  And sure, I'll still disco-dance my foolish ass off during summers in Provincetown, where Tea Dance at the Boatslip is a bizarre and uninhibited local institution. The fact that I am not graceful or coordinated doesn't matter--just give me a cocktail and a crowded dance floor full of drag queens, drunk bachelorettes, circuit boys, and various rhythm-challenged old fogeys like myself, and in my own mind: voila, I am invisible!

However, in the last decade or so I seem to have developed a fear of any dance environment where (a) steps must be learned and (b) other people are present.  Even a beginner class is intimidating, because a combination of increasing age and self-consciousness render me incapable of memorizing more than two movements in a row. 

Isn't that stupid? No one cares how doofy I look if I don't know the steps. So I may try to confront this fear, we'll see. Inspired by bloggers like Sylvia, I'm thinking of trying a Zumba class when we rejoin our gym in San Diego in November. (I'll just have to work really really hard on inventing a magic invisibility cloak in the next few weeks).

2. Don't Use Dancing as An Excuse for Crappy Food Choices.

Yes, dancing counts as exercise!  But if you consult this amusing calorie chart that helpfully points out that 1 hour of fast ballroom dancing permits you to eat 1.4 Grande Starbucks Caffe Lattes made with whole milk, half a McDonald's Big Mac With cheese, 4.9 glasses of wine, 1.4 Snickers Bars, or 1.9 cans of Coca-Cola, you might get the wrong idea about proper post-workout nutrition.

3. Perform a "Reality" Check

Dancing is everywhere on TV these days, whether it's the misfit show-tune-belting performers on Glee, the B-list celebs on Dancing With the Stars, or the ever-hopeful contestants on So You Think You Can Dance. However, the carefully calculated media images you're exposed to can sometimes cause confusion!

So warning: please don't be shocked when stage lights, back-up singers and orchestras don't magically appear when you start to bust a few moves down at the local shopping mall. Or try not to be disappointed that you can't emulate Kirstie Alley and magically shed a quick 100 pounds after taking up dancing.  You may also be surprised to discover that without a team of coaches and hours and hours a day to practice, you can't quite pull of the acrobatic leaps, spins, flips, and twirls that you see on your screen without causing major bodily injury.  And if you do happen to be pretty darn good?  Then you may be appalled to discover that absolutely no one is calling you up offering you huge prizes or starring roles in tv programs!

The biggest source of confusion of all?  Many people seem to be under the impression that sitting on their asses watching hour after hour of other people dancing on TV constitutes exercise.  Sadly, some actual physical activity is required--and pushing the buttons on your remote control to fast forward through commercials doesn't really count.

4. Be Careful If You Want to Go Pro

Well, if movies are any indication, it's scary to be a professional dancer! If you don't go Black-Swan insane, you're at least at risk of being Chorus-Lined into breast implants or will be tragically undone by your demonic Red Shoes.

And there's at least a little actual research to back up the notion that professional dancing comes with certain risks.  Not only are there the physical injuries, but ballet dancers are at increased risk of  anorexia and have an unusually strong preoccupation with achieving a low body weight.

5. Don't Dance Yourself to Death.

Here's where we get to the fun part about fatalities... ever heard of the Dancing Plague of 1518?  Hundreds of folks were seized with the uncontrollable desire to dance and didn't stop for days and days until many died. Oh, and during the depression, at least a couple of contestants perished during grueling dance marathons trying to win cash prizes.

And has the whole take ecstasy and dance until you croak fad ended yet? I'm thinking that trend went out in the 90's, but what do I know, I don't stay up late enough to know whether the young folks are still having raves.

6. Don't Be A Total Asshat!

Beware: combining the exuberance of dancing, a show-offy personality, and a bucket full of alcohol may result in serious injury and public humiliation. This YouTube video compilation has been out there a while, and in it are a few innocent folks who did nothing but stand in the wrong place and get clobbered by idiots. But most of those showcased fall into the "way asking for it" category. Don't let this be you!



So do any of you love dancing? Fear it? A little of both?

Running Into Trouble

Yes, Sometimes I Am An Ass.

Photo: Katie Anderson

Help--I need an intervention! I lost control last week and did something incredibly dumb.

I went off for a "power" walk in the woods--and in the middle, for about fifteen minutes, it kind of turned into a run.

Granted, for many people, running is not a dumb thing to do. For most people, it's an excellent form of exercise! But... I ain't most people.

I am just now finally starting to recover from plantar fasciitis in my right foot after struggling with it for more than two freakin' years. I'm thrilled that it's almost gone--the last time I was feeling this close to healed was over a year ago. And guess what I did then? I went for a short run. And felt ok!  So the next week I went for another short run, re-injured the foot, and sent myself back to square one.  I couldn't walk more than a block for months and months. AGAIN.  (Oh, and before the plantar fasciitis ever hit--I had chronic knee problems from running too).

So WTF? Why would I be so idiotic as to endanger my tentative recovery from an injury that has plagued me for ages and caused me so much angst? And in exchange for what--a few minutes of trotting on a trail? I can get all the aerobic exercise I want on the lovely low-impact elliptical machine in our basement home gym.


Does anyone else struggle with an inability to leave behind an addictive physical activity no matter how stupidly abusive it is to your body?

Should You Stop Running When You're Older?

For tons of people the answer is a resounding: No! Keep running if you can, it's ridiculously good for you. A Stanford study of older runners found: "Elderly runners have fewer disabilities, a longer span of active life and are half as likely as aging nonrunners to die early deaths."

There are plenty of folks who can keep running pain and injury-free as the decades roll by. And there is a ton of advice out there on the web for preventing over-use injuries, stretching and strengthening various body parts, correcting biomechanical issues with orthotics, getting physical therapy, injections, electrical stimulation, surgery, etc, etc, etc.  However, I am not going to write a post right about that.  Honestly, the thought of all those happy healthy older runners out there training and competing and chugging away in their f#%cking marathons makes me so cranky I want to spike their water bottles with prune juice and metamucil and padlock all the portapotty doors.

Because for every cheerful article reassuring people that yes you can keep running your entire life if you just follow a few simple tips--there are thousands of us former running addicts who have followed all those steps, gone to multiple doctors, physical therapists, etc. etc. and tried every damn thing we could think of... and still can't manage to run without injuring ourselves.

And it's not just plantar fasciitis; according to one article, common injuries in older runners include back pain, bursitis, stress fracture, hamstring injury, problems with the kneecap, shin splints, Achilles tendonitis, heel pain, nerve disorders in the foot, calluses, bunions, and a "host of other leg and foot problems."

Why Is Running So Hard To Stop Doing?

This must sound like the most ridiculous problem in the world to those of you who hate to run. It would be like me trying to relate to articles such as: Do You Keep Your House So Clean It Intimidates Your Guests? Or Are You Making Way Too Much Money? Or perhaps:  Is It Time to Stop Meditating So Much--Before Your Head Explodes From All the Bliss?

But, odd as it may sound, here are some of the reasons I keep "running" back to reinjure myself:

1. Running is cheap, convenient, and happens outdoors where the Sun and the Breeze and the Trees and the Beach and the Birds and other Lovely Things live!

2. Running involves launching yourself up in the air and coming back down over and over. The inherent bounciness of it is way more satisfying than the staid and steady plowing forward of walking or biking.

3. I started running at an impressionable age (17) and my still pliable brain was twisted into thinking that running was the only authentic, virtuous and noble form of aerobic exercise that existed. Decades later, I still can't entirely un-brainwash myself. All the wires deep in my brain apparently rusted together, and I don't have access to a brain-blowtorch to excise this stupid idea!

4. Other people still get to run and I don't. This drives me ape-shit crazy.

So How Do You Stop Yourself from Running When You Really, Really Want To?

In the unlikely event anyone else is currently tempted to return to an activity they know they shouldn't, here's what I'm trying:

1. Blog about it. I actually was heading out for another run before I started to write this post.  I then realized just how much of a jackass I was being, and changed my mind.

2. Avoid Triggers! Last week's foray into running happened on my old running trail, as I was listening to an old song that was on my running playlist. It felt so much like old times I couldn't seem to stop myself.

3. Or, If You Insist on Flirting With Triggers Anyway: Pre-exhaust yourself! We went back for a walk on the Trail of Temptation this weekend, but this time, I made the Lobster wait for half an hour while I went down and did intervals on the elliptical first.

4. Choose Your Wardrobe, Shoes, and Accessories Strategically.  I also made sure to wear pants, not shorts on the running trail, did not wear running shoes, and left my iPod at home.

5. Confront Denial and Remind Yourself of the Hideousness of the Possible Consequences. It's always hard to pass up a certain short term endorphin rush in order to avoid a danger that is only hypothetical. Even though I was hoping I might not re-injure myself, I needed to remind myself of how furious and miserable I'd be if I guessed wrong about that.

6. Bribe yourself with "later." Like other addictions, running is best dealt with one day at a time.  I haven't ruled out trying to start running again later, when my foot is completely healed. I reminded myself that the lovely trail in the woods would still be there for me to ruin my foot on later, once I'm entirely healed, if I feel so inclined.

7. Pump Up the Variety! I don't think I realized that I was getting so bored with my biking and elliptical routines until I found myself rationalizing my way into a run. Time for new tunes and routines and activities! Fortunately, our bizarre bi-coastal lifestyle means that in another month or so, I'll be on the other side of the country, with a whole new set of workout options--if I can keep from re-injuring myself before we get there.

But, I don't think I'm "out of the woods" yet! Anyone else struggle with this or have any good advice? 

On a serious note, if you struggle with addictive behaviors that are interfering with your life, that's not a joke. There is help out there. One option is  Above It All Treatment Center.

Plantar F-cking Fasciitis

(Photo: Endless Forms Most Beautiful)

Got Plantar Fasciitis?

It's a weird-sounding condition, and it has nothing to do with fascism or containers in which to put your geraniums. A medical dictionary describes it as "inflammation involving the plantar fascia especially in the area of its attachment to the calcaneus (heel bone) and causing pain under the heel in walking and running."

It's gotten very popular, at least in my neighborhood. The Lobster has dealt with this particular brand of foot pain; so has my sister; and so have a number of our other friends. The bad news: everyone said it was painful and they all had to cut back on their favorite forms of exercise for a while.

Photo: mikebitton

The good news: everyone I know eventually got better! Some got better slowly, and others got better even more slowly. But eventually, everyone seemed to return pretty much to their normal activities.

So one would think that when my the heel of my right foot started getting increasingly sore, oh about 2 months ago, it would have occurred to me that I might have it too.

Actually, it did cross my mind for a second, and so here's how I investigated the matter:

"Hon," I said to the Lobster, "When you had that plantar f.. fasc.. fash.. whatever the hell it's called, that foot thing, how did it start?"

"I think my foot started getting sore and then it just got worse and worse."

"Where did it hurt?"

"Mostly in my arch."

"Not the heel?"

"No, I don't think so. I think it started in my arch."

"Oh good! My foot's been a bit sore, but it's the heel. Probably just need to buy some new shoes. I'm sure it will just go away on it's own."

Of course, as it turns out, I never got around to buying new shoes, or cutting back on the running, and the pain just got worse and worse until I started limping and hobbling and cursing. Last week it got so bad I had to abort a neighborhood walk after two blocks, and I thought it might be time to consult Dr. Google.

And damn! Had I bothered to do that months earlier, I would have quickly discovered the likely source of my trouble. Heel pain is the most common symptom of plantar fasciitis--the Lobster's arch was a less common variation. And my heel hurt like the dickens first thing in the morning, but then got better throughout the day, but then worse again if I went for a long walk or hard run--pretty much a classic presentation.

Of all the things you can do to treat plantar fasciitis? Ignoring it until it gets a lot worse is not actually the best one to choose.

(Note: do not follow my example. I still have not been to an actual doctor, the foot kind or any other kind. Visiting a medical professional is the smartest thing to do when you have foot pain. I, however, prefer to go on the web and attempt to treat myself whenever possible because I'm cheap, lazy, stubborn, and foolish cautious about using up precious medical resources that someone else might need.

So what did I find out from Dr. Google about how to prevent and deal with plantar fasciitis?

Well, first off, courtesy of the Mayo Clinic, here are some of the risk factors, so you can figure out if one day you'll be hobbling and cursing like the crab:

Plantar Fasciitis Risk Factors:

Age: It's most common between the ages of 40 and 60.

Sex: When I first saw this heading I thought: What? Sex? How does having sex make the bottoms of your feet hurt? Have I been doing it wrong all these years? But reading a little further, the explanation was far more boring: "Women are more likely than men to develop plantar fasciitis."

Heel-Pounding Exercise: Yep, all that virtuous exercise you've been doing in order to treat your body well? It can come back to bite you in the ass. Or, more accurately, in the foot.

Apparently doing things that stress the heel, like long-distance running, ballet, aerobic dancing or playing professional football can be problematic. (And yes, weren't we just talking about the need for higher impact activities like jumping in order to prevent bone loss? Damn those trade-offs!)

Screwed Up Foot Mechanics: Flat feet, high arches, or walking in an unusual manner can put added stress on the plantar fascia.

Image: The Rocketeer

Obesity: Yeah, it's yet another annoying complication--which then makes it hard to get enough exercise to lose weight!

On-Your-Feet Jobs: Factory workers, teachers, waitresses, street-corner drug dealers, prostitutes, construction workers and others who have to stand or walk on hard surfaces are at extra risk.

Note: Soft surfaces can pose certain risks as well.
Photo: TranceMist

However, the consolation prize of a stand-up job? Your feet may hurt but you live a lot longer if you don't sit on your ass all day!

Silly Shoes: Apparently, you should avoid shoes that are thin soled, loose, or lack arch support or the ability to absorb shock don't protect your feet. And don't wear high heels all the time either, because it shortens your Achilles tendon, causing strain on the tissue around your heel.


How To Treat Plantar Fasciitis

Here's what WebMd had to suggest, so I thought I'd give some of these a try:

Rest: OK, I'm having a hard time getting this one into my thick skull, but numerous sources of advice seem to confirm: to the extent it's possible, you're supposed to STOP DOING THE THINGS THAT HURT. I'm trying to keep in mind that I will get better faster and get to do much more running and walking over the long haul if I chill on my normal routine for a while. I'm relying on the elliptical machine, and I'm hopping on a bicycle and pedaling up some hills in order to try to replace my normal foot-pounding cardio options. (Pity the poor Lobster, because as you might imagine, these modifications are generating a LOT of whining and griping).

Stretch: Stretching the achilles tendon and plantar fascia is supposed to be a really good idea; for example there's the towel stretch, the calf stretch, and what I've always called the heel drop. This arch stretch in particular gave me almost instant relief from the "first-few-steps-in-the-morning ouchies." I make sure to do it before getting out of bed or after sitting for an extended period of time. (However, stretching did not seem to work as magically and instantly on the "long walk" kind of pain).

Strengthen: Exercises to strengthen the muscles of the foot and ankle are supposed to help too; however, fewer people seem to swear by these, either because they're tedious or maybe the impact is more subtle and long-term. You can try the towel curl or the marble pick-up.

Wear supportive footwear. Normally, this is no problem for me as I conform to stereotype and tromp around in super-supportive trail runners and other clunky athletic wear whenever possible. However, over the summer I fell in love with a nifty pair of shoes meant more for splashing about on the beach, not walking endless miles on roads and sidewalks. But they were so cute and light and comfy! So I started wearing them all the time. Now I'm paying for this summer fling, big time. My advice: flirt if you must, but don't have an extended affair with a flighty, flimsy pair of shoes no matter how adorable they are. Eventually they'll just hurt you and make you cry.

Oh, and lots of people emphasize that to get better, you gotta wear supportive shoes almost ALL THE TIME. Like even when you're just getting up in the middle of the night to pee! Barefoot is Bad, unless you're doing one of the tedious exercises listed above. On the other hand, some hold a contrary point of view, and say that running barefoot (or in those funny-looking vibram things) can strengthen foot muscles and actually help plantar fasciitis.

Consider Shoe Inserts. So I actually already have some prescription orthotics, which I got for my crappy knees, though this did not prevent me from getting plantar fasciitis. Meanwhile, all my friends are running out and getting these non-prescription (but still insanely expensive) inserts from a place called Good Feet, and finding them helpful. I scoffed and muttered and shook my head as all my pals went out and got these things... and then the Lobster joined the Good Feet cult too so I had to put a lid on it. (But inwardly, I still scoffed).

Well, now who is asking to borrow the Lobster's magic inserts? Yep, in another probably bone-headed, "don't try this at home" move, I'm wearing her orthotics, though in my defense, we have the same size feet and often borrow each others' shoes. Unlike my regular, mellow orthotics, these Good Feet inserts feel pretty much like you just stuck a giant golf ball in the arch of each foot. Yowza! And yet... they do seem to help. It makes no sense to me that these would work better than my carefully-fitted prescription orthotics, but they seem to stretch out my arch and keep me from putting as much pressure on my heel. Or, another theory: maybe they just feel so obnoxious I don't even notice if I have heel pain or not.

Ice: So I already ice my knees after running, and thought this would be no big deal. But wtf? Feet are more sensitive and icing them HURTS!! I blunt the effect by keeping my socks on, which may make it less effective, but what the hell, it's the only way I'm gonna stick with it. As far as I'm concerned, Bag of Ice Directly on Feet=Torture=Screw It, I'd Rather Have Heel Pain.

Anti-inflammatories: Yep. I do naproxen (Aleve) 'cause you don't have to take it as often as ibuprofen, aspirin, or tylenol.

Night Splints:

(Photo swiped from Orthotics and Beyond)

I'm not resorting to one of these things unless I get really, really desperate. They're designed to frighten small children stretch the plantar fascia ligament and achilles tendon during the night.

I've seen other suggestions online too, like massage, or rolling tennis balls or frozen juice cans or golf balls under your foot, taping the arch, getting acupuncture, wearing Birkenstocks, getting cortisone shots, or shockwave therapy, or evil-sounding surgery, or finding a cute little monkey and training it to do all your chores so you won't hurt your feet. (OK, perhaps I made that last one up, but wouldn't it be kinda cool to have a pet monkey?)

How about you guys? Have foot pain or other injuries that are complicating your fitness routine? Finding any good solutions?

Whoops!

Photo: Noel A. Tanner

So I had one of those "Oh f@#k!" moments this week at the gym.

I'd actually been having a great workout, fueled by excessive amounts of caffeine and awesome tunes, and I'd cruised through my cardio and most of my weights in fine spirits.

I'd just finished doing some shoulder presses and was returning the weights to the weight rack when, like a total dumbass, I broke one of the fundamental Gym Safety Rules:

Bend Your Knees, Not Your Waist, When Lifting or Lowering Heavy Weights!

Duh. I know this. But I got careless. I bent mostly from the waist to put the weights back and not enough from the knees and then....



Owww. Followed by the sinking uh oh feeling you get when you know you've "done something" to your back.

As it happens, I've had some previous experience with this sort of dumbassery before. I've had a couple "episodes" where I could barely move for a few days, and the recovery period lasted almost 6 months. (A doctor speculated that I probably have a herniated disk, but since I'm not gonna do anything surgical even if it's true, I've never had an MRI to confirm).

The bad news about this history is that I knew this most recent injury could end up being a Big Freakin' Uncomfortable, Inconvenient Deal. But the good news was, my previous cluelessness had taught me some helpful lessons on what to do next!

And rather than waste perfectly good stupidity, I thought I might pass on some advice to those who have not yet been through the "Acck, My Back!" experience before.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am a lazy blogger, not a doctor. Consult an actual physician if you have injured or are preparing to injure yourself.

So you've heard of the acronym "RICE?" Well, it's a helpful reminder about what you're supposed to do in the wake of a painful and possibly debilitating sports injury. But it leaves some important things out.

Let's elaborate a bit, shall we? Now while I'm generally a proponent of whole grains, I think this situation calls for some WHITE RICE. So here's what to do immediately after you've injured your back:

W: Whine.

Whether this is going to be a couple of uncomfortable hours or many months of a chronic injury, you are only going to have a few short minutes of optimal sympathy from your family and friends. Might as well take advantage of it while the injury's fresh! Chronic injuries may be painful, but no one wants to hear about them. So milk it while you can.

H: Halt

After you have hurt yourself, STOP YOUR WORKOUT. This seems so obvious that no sensible human needs to be told this, right?

Well, the first time I injured my back, I clenched my teeth and finished the remainder of my workout, because I had things left on my list! I avoided only the back exercises.

Do not be this dumb! Whenever you've clearly "done something" to your back (or your calf or thigh or neck or whatever)... Adios. You're done for the day.

I: Ibuprofen or other anti-inflammatories.

Obviously not if you can't take these because of allergies, sensitivities, stomach problems, or other reasons. But my big mistake the first time around was not keeping the inflammation under control because it seemed more "virtuous" to keep the pills to a minimum. When I finally went to a doctor, I discovered that I'd needlessly prolonged my symptoms and could have returned to normal functioning much more quicklly if I'd just taken a few pills.

T: Teach Yourself Injury Prevention Techniques

Once you've hurt yourself, all those warnings you've been blowing off about strengthening certain muscles and stretching others and moving and sitting properly? These suddenly seem a lot more relevant and important. The trick, however, is not just to do these things for a while and then start blowing them off again once the injury fades from your mind.

Alas, it seems I have not mastered this "trick".

E: Experiment With Body Positions That Don't Hurt as Much

When you're back's messed up, you may not be able to just plonk yourself into your regular chair, or sleep in your normal position. You may feel dorky standing up when others are sitting, or tilting back in your chair, or lying down for a day when you have things that need to be done, but try to do what you can to irritate your injury as little as possible.

Your injury needs to heal, and it's not going to do that very well if you're putting constant pressure on it. Tell your boss to go to hell if he doesn't like you lying on the conference room table during staff meetings.

Er... or maybe not.

R: Rest

Seriously, take it easy. Depending on how severe your injury is, you may need to hunker down completely for a day or so and it might then be a long gradual easing back into activity before you can resume all the hard ass stuff you did before.

But "rest" does not mean remaining immobile for weeks! They used to advise people to stay in bed for absurd lengths of time with back injuries; now it's much more about walking around and getting gentle exercise back into your life, which can actually help healing.

I: Ice!!!

This seems to help me a LOT. Right after I injured myself this time, I went home and used my Moji. Even though it's designed for knees, it worked great! (If you don't have one, ice or bags of frozen vegetables work too). I iced 20 minutes at a time, 5 or 6 times that first day, and that plus the ibuprofen really seemed to calm things down.

C: Compression.

I have absolutely nothing interesting to say about this, but it's supposed to be a good thing when you have an injury.

E: Elevation?

Really? This is part of the standard "RICE" advice, but how the hell do you elevate your back above your heart? Are you supposed to spend the day upside down? Instead, I think they must mean Elevate Your Mood!

So if your doctor doesn't prescribe painkillers with any entertaining recreational potential, I discovered that a big glass of merlot works very well as a muscle relaxant, pain reliever, and mood elevator. NOTE: This is probably not actually medically advisable, so check with your doctor first and don't try to sue Crabby if you burn holes in your stomach or start seeing green unicorns flying through your living room. And always check labels of any drugs you are taking to see whether you can safely combine them with alcohol.

The Happy Ending:

Turns out this was not one of those Bad Back Episodes; I discovered pretty quickly that it must have been a minor strain. I have kept moving but have avoided anything heavy duty; I'm about to ease back into my normal routine but will be very careful.

Where You Can Get Actual Medical Information:

Mayo Clinic has a whole bunch of information on back injuries. (And specially for you hypochondriacs in need of something new to worry about, there's a section on rare and serious conditions related to back aches).

And Because it's Friday

I have a little extra silliness to squeeze in at the end of this post!

First up, the weekly Juice Quiz! Don't worry, this week it's only one question:

Why does Crabby have so few friends?


1. She has an unconventional theory about personal hygiene that she'd love to tell you about;

2. Crabby does not actually exist; she is a software program dreamed up by the folks at Google to subtly dissuade people from getting fit so they'll spend all day at their computers instead;

3. Crabby has an irrational fear of a common communication device;

4. Crabby has all the friends she needs! So what if they all live inside her head?

The answer is revealed here . (Oh, and there's a new giveaway too, this time it's one of those cute little Flip Camcorders.)

Pity The Mutants

And next up, our pal Pubsgal mentioned a funny website in her comment yesterday, and I went there and spent quite a bit of time giggling over it. It's called Photoshop Disasters, and it collects examples of commercial photoshop abuses, both subtle and not-so-subtle. I couldn't help feeling sorry for those models with freakishly big heads or long limbs or short necks, extra or missing fingers, or heads screwed on backwards. But the mutant children are particularly poignant.

Photo: Photoshop Disasters

Have a great holiday weekend, and try not to injure your back or let your arms melt into your pool toys!

The Moji Knee Cold Wrap Winner

So thanks so much, everyone, for participating in the Moji Giveaway. The Random Number Generator has spoken, and the winner is: Samsam26!

Congratulations, Samsam26! Please double check the size chart and email us your name, address, and size information, and we'll have the Moji folks send one right out to you.

The email address is Crabby McSlacker @ gmail dot com (you can probably figure out how to put that together) and please check in by Saturday night to claim your prize!

Achy Breaky Knees and Giveaway!

So the Random Number Generator got all riled up after we pulled it out of the Cranky Fitness basement last week, and it made such a ruckus about being locked up again that we felt we had no choice but to do another giveaway this week.

This one will be of special interest to anyone (like me) who has knee issues. I'm often complaining about how my knees are trashed and I can't run nearly as often or as far as I want to. So I was curious to try a product designed to help with this problem, called a "Moji."

"Moji" sounds sort of sweet and cuddly, doesn't it, like a dog's name? ("C'mere Moji; stop rolling in that dead skunk!") Or maybe Moji sounds more like a tropical fruit, now available in an antioxidant-rich beverage blend. ("Try new Cranberry flavored Moji, now with 50% more Vitamin C!)

But no, as it turns out, Moji is not a dog, nor is it a beverage.

Want to know more about Moji? Like what the heck it is, how well I liked it, and how you could win one? Well, please follow me over to the Cranky Fitness Product Page, where all shall be revealed. That's where today's main post is. Plus, the giveaway is open to international folks too!

Back already? Well, I've also got a few other random items to tell you about.

Over at The Juice, they've still got the $200 Patagonia gift card giveaway going ('til August 3rd) and your chances look mighty good because they don't have a ton of entries yet. Also, this week I diagnosed myself with a debilitating mental illness, called SNAD. Perhaps some of you suffer from it too and don't even realize it!

And over at Half-Fast, clever Vanilla has discovered a new exercise gadget that is unintentionally and hilariously X-Rated. How many of you ladies would purchase the Shake Weight?

I Keep on Fallin'

This is a Guest Post by the fabulous Leslie Goldman, author of the blog The Weighting Game. We could do a really, really long introduction of Leslie because she's done so many cool things (she's written a book and is even the co-host of a TV show!) But rather than repeat ourselves, we'll refer you to her previous interview and urge you to go visit her fantastic blog. So here's Leslie!




Last week, I got sucked into watching some mind-numbing show on E! called "The Best of the Worst Red Carpet Moments." Twenty minutes in, I actively thought to myself, "I am voluntarily wasting 20 minutes of my life," and then quickly slipped back into a TV coma filled with wardrobe malfunctions, celebrity babbling and Joan Rivers' scratchy squawking. All in search of the elusive payoff: E!'s All-time Worst Red Carpet Moment.

Kimberly Stewart and Paris Hilton, all tan legs and blonde extensions, were straddling tricked-out motorcycles, in very tiny dresses, looking as hot as they possibly could. Then Stewart pushed a button which she shouldn't have and was inadvertently catapulted down the red carpet at seeming warp speed. She tumbled off, spread eagle, paparazzi bulbs flashing and, as she tugged at her skirt to cover her bruised thighs and ego, all I could think was, "That is totally something I would do."

You see, I am not at all kidding when I say I am one of the biggest klutzes ever. On a daily basis, I trip over invisible cracks, bump into tables and walls, whack my head against the ceiling of the car. I spill milk all over the counter, missing my cereal bowl by a mile. I politely tuck my dress under before sitting down, only to miss the chair and end up on the floor. You know those comedy sketches when someone is talking to a friend behind them and is so into the conversation, they fail to notice that they are about to walk right into a metal pole? I have been that person.

My clumsiness started at a very young age. At nine years old, I vividly remember riding my bicycle with a friend and yelling out, arms overhead, "Look, Nicole! I can ride with no hands!" Apparently, I could not. I crashed headfirst into a mailbox, knocking myself unconscious and the next thing I remember is being delivered by Nicole's mom to my house, blood splattered on my Tweety Bird sweatshirt, not knowing my own name. "Who is the President?" I recall my mother frantically asking me, checking for signs of amnesia. I did not know. (Now I just pretend I don't.) Ever since that concussion, my life has been a series of spazzy stumbles, scary spills, and shaving accidents on par the Carrie finale.

I have a sad scar on my knee from three years ago when, while running to get the eggs off the stove before they boiled over, my legs got tangled up in my long skirt. For what seemed like two minutes, I sailed through the air, my husband watching helplessly, before I landed on the hardwood floor. Knees, then wrists, torso and head. Thud, thud...thud, thud, thud.

Later, in that same apartment, I set fire to our bed during the worst of possible times, mindlessly tossing a pillow aside without thinking. It landed on a candle. All of the sudden I heard him scream, "Fire!" and I opened my eyes to see flames lapping toward the ceiling. I tried to smother it with our comforter as my husband ran for water but unfortunately, my gentle fanning with the duvet was not forceful enough -- embers flew up and a chunk of them landed on my wrist, literally melting my skin away and resulting in an awful burn. As my beloved came to the rescue with a pitcher of water, I writhed in agony on the berber carpet with no one to blame but myself.

The strange thing about all of this is, I consider myself a fairly graceful woman. I've been a dancer my whole life, am 5'11" with a long neck and have been told, on numerous occasions, that I am well-poised, elegant even! So what makes me do things like rush to squeeze into the ever-decreasing space in a revolving door compartment, as I did at a wedding recently, only to get caught between the moving partition and door jamb, resulting in a massive head rattling, forearm bruise and public humiliation?

Apparently, the answer lies in stress and a hectic schedule, both of which I have plenty. Research shows if you're uptight and constantly focused on what you have going on five minutes from now, your muscles tense up, leading to jerky movements like sending water glasses sailing or whipping your head around and smacking your skull into the stranger behind you at the grocery story (yes, I've done both). So I guess my take-home lesson should be, when I notice more and more cuts and bruises showing up, I should take that as a sign. Slow down. Take a yoga class. Stop the ridiculous multitasking (hello, walking downtown while emailing on my phone, sipping an iced coffee and juggling my laptop and gym bag).

On a more a more serious note, accidents and unintentional injuries are a leading cause of death among all ages according to the CDC; experts suggest those people who consider themselves serial klutzes may want to examine their lifelong accident patterns and see if something deeper is at work. Depression, for instance, may cause a person to, say, not pay attention while driving, crossing the street, or bounding down the stairs.

I myself had a stair mishap but I'm pretty sure depression wasn't at the root: slippery socks were. That evening I was feeling particularly domestic and decided to mop the bathroom floor. Afterwards, I carried the bucket of dirty water and mop down two flights to the basement. Almost at the bottom, my right leg slipped out from under me. As I began to tumble, my butt hitting the first stair with a sickening crack, I had the clarity of though to realize the bucket of nasty bathroom floor water was now careening through the air, about to splash all over me. Four stairs from the bottom I attempted executing a MacGyver-like roll to the side but it was for naught. The pain upon impact was too much and I lay there, covered in mop water, legs splayed, bruises already forming...a poor woman's Kimberly Stewart.

A Superior Posterior

This post was written by Jen Sinkler, a senior editor at Experience Life Magazine) She also hosts a blog called Survival of the Fittest, which besides being quite entertaining, also has some extremely practical health and fitness tips. Crabby actually intends to put several of these into practice any day now--and this one is of special interest to those of us with crappy knees.
_____________________________________________________


In February 2003, having just returned from an intense (but incredible) 18-day tour of Fiji and New Zealand with the U.S. women’s 7s rugby team, I started to develop sharp, stabbing pain just below my left kneecap when I ran.

We were leaving for the Hong Kong 7s tournament less than a month later, so I got into physical therapy right away. I was first diagnosed with tendinitis, and later tendinosis and chondromalacia. (Look for an article on the difference between tendinitis and tendinosis in the May 2008 issue of Experience Life.)

As recommended, I worked on strengthening my vastus medialis obliquus (VMO) muscles, and though the pain diminished somewhat, it by no means went away.

It wasn’t until two years later, when my right knee developed the same condition and I resorted to getting regular hyaluronic acid injections to lubricate my knee joints, that the other cause of my predicament was properly diagnosed.

That cause turned out to be weak and inactive gluteus muscles. I’m probably oversimplifying matters, but essentially, having weak glutes meant I didn’t have full control over my femurs, leaving my knees to dive in toward one another when pushing off or landing.

Due in part to our skeletal structure, women are more prone to this condition, called valgus knees, than men. (Lucky us!) But all is not lost — there’s plenty you can do to fight nature on this point, as Krista Scott-Dixon explains in EL’s September 2006 article "Weak in the Knees."

Bottom line is, strong glutes are a must when it comes to femoral control, and I have to say doing exercises that activated my glutes made a world of difference in my recovery. I won’t regain the cartilage I lost to chondromalacia (R.I.P., old friend), but I’m pretty sure I stopped digging out brand-new grooves.



The video above, graciously provided by my friend Aaron Manheimer of Body By Manheimer, shows a couple of rugby dudes demonstrating how to do my all-time favorite glute exercise, the lateral band walk.

Done properly, it activates your gluteus medius quite nicely. (If you prefer a written description of how to do this exercise, check out “Band Practice,” available in the October 2007 EL archives.)

Aaron also suggested something called a “retro cowboy” to activate lazy bums, and although that phrase conjures up all sorts of stylish images, he really just means you should walk backwards with a resistance band tied around your lower legs. Cowboy hat optional.

If you’re interested in learning more, check out “Go-To Glutes” in the current issue of Experience Life.

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Note: The link for hyaluronic acid has been updated so that it actually points to the correct link, and the link to the strengthening the vastus medialis obliquus (VMO) muscles now points directly to that web page. The Womanagement at Cranky Fitness are profoundly grateful that there is no two-way video on this blog, so you can't see how red our faces are. Sorry, Jen!

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True Confessions

So yesterday we were talking about New Years Resolutions and whether people were keeping them or not. And I explained that like many of you, I hadn't made any official resolutions, but I'd already announced earlier I was going to do a couple of things.

• I was going to get more serious and structured about interval training; and
• I was going to stop trashing my knees by running.

So today, I'm going to try to explain justify rationalize make up some weasely lame-ass excuses as to why I'm Zero for Two on those.

Yes, like one of those wholesome house-wifey drug abusers straight out of a made-for-tv-movie, I've been keeping up appearances but sneaking out the back door to get high. I may say "exercise" or "workout," but for the last month or two that's included running, and it feels wonderful, so much better than dork-walking! And yeah, my knees do hurt a bit more sometimes (but not THAT MUCH, okay?).

Is this some sudden magical change in the physiology of my middle-aged knees? Maybe that fish oil and glucosamine are finally kicking in, even though I've been taking them for years? Or is this is yet another short-term experiment that will only end badly?

Any sensible person knows the answer to that question--but someone who desperately craves running endorphins is not a sensible person.

Why no doctor visit? Well, the reason is boring--it involves our moving, and filling out insurance applications again, and my wanting to look like I never actually visit a the doctors office. But I swear I'll go once I'm set up again. It's not like I'm doctor-avoidant or anything...

In the meantime, I've discovered icing.

Not the fun kind of icing, like on cupcakes. I discovered that kind of icing quite a long time ago. No, I mean the kind where you wrap something freezing cold around your injured joints after you abuse them. And (this may be wishful thinking, but...) icing helps! I'm pretty darn sure that my knees are not nearly as crotchety after a run as they used to be.

I started with the low-tech version of a Cold Pack:



And yeah, I know you're supposed to use peas or carrots or something more pliable, but we didn't have any of those.

(By the way, Frozen Asparagus? Works way better as an ice pack than as a side dish. Some vegetables just should never ever be frozen and asparagus, it turns out, is one of them.)

Anyway, now I have an Official Expensive cold pack instead, which is good, because the asparagus bag finally split open and was dripping foul asparagus ice-water all over everything.

So enough about the running and the asparagus. What happened to the intervals?

Well, I still do them, because I do think they're really good for you. But I bailed on the whole "structured" part, which worked better on a treadmill. It was too creepy going all-out on a treadmill and hoping I didn't trip and fly off the back and slam into a wall and kill myself. (Paranoid? Who me?)

So I'm back to doing un-timed, unofficial intervals when I run--and these tend to coincide with hills or really great songs on the ipod. I think I'm pushing myself further and harder with these intervals than I did on the treadmill, but in all honesty, I'm probably not doing as quite as many of them.

Whatever. Close enough.

So of course there's two ways to frame this. "Bailing on my resolutions..." or, the much better sounding "Being Flexible!"

And thanks everyone for checking in about your own progress yesterday. Since this is sort of a continuation of yesterday's post, it doesn't leave a whole hell of a lot to stuff to comment on. So feel free to say hi or not or weigh in something totally unrelated that made you happy or cranky or amused you today.

On a personal note, I'll be in and out today, as the Lobster and I are going to be visiting a notary and signing a stack of documents about two feet high, then wiring what seems a rather whopping sum of money cross country. If all goes well, by close of business we'll be the official owners of a place in Provincetown, Massachusetts!

We plan to visit it next week, start getting it fixed up, and put our California house on the market as soon as we can after we get back. (We'll also be in DC again, as the Lobster has some Business to Attend to and I get to come along for the ride). So if I'm a little lax in blog visits etc these days, I promise I'll get much better once things calm down a bit. ('Cause I'm obviously so good at keeping promises).

Knee-Deep in Rationalizations

Crabby has written before about her attempts to get her aerobic exercise by means of Race-Walking. And for those who don't mind Clicking on Things, she has just written more about this topic over at Diet Blog. (The article was posted yesterday, but don't worry, it is still Piping Hot and Almost Fresh!).

However, shortly after she e-mailed off that very article to Diet Blog (encouraging everyone to look like an ass like Crabby does and give Race-Walking a try), Crabby went out on her own morning Race-walk and did a very silly thing. She broke into a run! And she kept running the whole way. Bad, bad Crab. She just said the hell with her screwed up knees and hoped that somehow they were magically different knees now.

It was warm but raining lightly--way better weather for running than walking, and the songs on her iPod were really running songs, not walking songs, and she had that little burst of energy that comes from perfectly-timed caffeine ingestion, and there was a soft dirt trail to entice her off the hard asphalt one and everyone else was running too and... she just couldn't help herself.

Oddly enough, her knees hurt afterwards. Is this perhaps the reason she has given up running over and over and over again? She knows from experience that if she keeps running, her knees will continue to hurt more and more until regular walking is painful too.

But maybe this time it will be different?

Crabby first began to have knee problems when she started running at 17. She is now 47. Yeah, sure, maybe this time it will be different.

But, damn it, she likes to run so much better than she likes to walk!

Over at Diet Blog, she limited herself to one complaint about Race-Walking, which is that it looks absurd. But she has others; mainly that it doesn't feel nearly as good as running does. When Crabby is power-walking she always wishes she were running.

Yet there have been times in her life when running has been only minimally injurious. She could actually do it for months or even years at a time before having to give it up again. Crabby keeps hoping to hit that magical sweet spot again.

Here are some things she has tried over the years, some of which worked for awhile:

1. Running in only really expensive running shoes.
2. Running only on soft surfaces.
3. Running only uphill.
4. Running with orthotics.
5. Running with a different pair of orthotics.
6. Running while wearing huge hideous neoprene sleeves with funny looking kneecap holes cut out of them.
7. Running only once or twice a week and alternating with:
   

• a gym stair-climber;
• an old-fashioned regular aerobics class;
• bicycle riding;
• a step-aerobics class;
• a squeaky home stair-stepper;
• a low-impact aerobics class;
• a rowing machine;
• a gym elliptical machine;
• uphill walking; and
• race-walking.
  

To be fair, Crabby has not fully explored medical options, other than orthotics. She has never had an MRI, for example. (She had trouble enough getting health insurance without actually having the audacity to use it for something.) And her knees actually function pretty well--as long as she doesn't try to run on them.

Which would be really dumb, since there are other perfectly good aerobic alternatives. Like, for example, Race-Walking.

Crabby should not be so foolish; she promises herself that she won't go running ever again. Probably. Possibly. At least not unless it rains again and the music is really, really good.

How about you all? Any aches or injuries keep you from exercising the way you'd like?