Be Careful Out There

image: skyloader 

By Crabby McSlacker

This post is going to be a bit of a downer, sorry. It could be disturbing to read. (And not just in the usual way my rambling prose, illogical conclusions, and inconsistent adherence to rules of grammar are disturbing. I mean sad and sobering and depressing in a bigger sense).

But a semi-abandoned blog seems as good a forum as any for me to process stuff "out loud," right? As they say, blogging is cheaper than therapy.

And when life slaps you in the face with a graphic warning of the horrible ways in which one momentary lapse in judgment can have huge consequences, it feels important to take it in. And even share that warning more broadly, however unpleasant the reminder might be.

Gosh, sounds like a fun blog post, huh?

Prescription Drugs: What You Need to Know

photo: free images

Guest Post by Marijke Durning, RN

Some of you ol' time Cranketeers might recognize this guest author from her wise contributions to the Cranky Fitness comments section, way back in days of yore.  Well, for newer folks, Marijke is a nurse and health writer, and has a new book out on prescription drugs.  (Link is below--and it's very reasonably priced!). Which is a good thing, because did you realize how easy it is to misunderstand what you're supposed to do after the busy doctor hands you that Rx and sends you on your way, and how dire the consequences could be if you screw up? So please welcome Marijke back to Cranky Fitness!--Crabby

Just what is that gibberish written on the prescription you just received? 10 mg PO bid x 10 days? Is that some sort of code*? Do doctors and pharmacists have a secret language that they don’t want you to know about? Well, maybe.

Dancing for Exercise? Six Big Mistakes To Avoid

Can You Spot the Form Mistake?
(See answer in the Comments)
 Photo: Philippe LeRoyer

I am not the first person to note that dancing is both great fun and great exercise.  The combination of movement and music is exhilarating! And you can pick an appropriate intensity for whatever your mood and fitness goal--whether it's a sexy salsa with your significant other, a zingy zumba class at the gym, a dignified waltz with Uncle Freddie, or some serious suicidin' & downrockin' with all your b-boy & b-girl buddies.

(And just how pathetically obvious is it that I know absolutely nothing about urban dance?)

But what if... horror of horrors...  you're doing it all wrong? The repercussions could be as minor as an eyeroll from your significant other, up to far more dire scenarios ending in serious injury, insanity, or death.

Sound like fun?

OK, I'm exaggerating, as usual.  Dancing is only rarely a fatal activity.  But playing on fears of doing something "wrong" is one of the time honored ways of getting people to click on links and read things!

But here's what I've managed to scrape up in the way of advice:  

1. Don't be a scaredy-cat

Photo: Buntekuh

The biggest mistake of all is to avoid dancing altogether because you fear you will suck at it.

Dancing is a blast!  It's also really beneficial for your health and well-being. I'm too lazy to go over the many health benefits of dancing, but since others have explained why dancing is good for you and even how it will make you smarter, it's safe to just trust me on this.

However, I don't really practice what I preach. I love moving to music, and was an aerobic and step class addict back in the 80's and 90's.  And sure, I'll still disco-dance my foolish ass off during summers in Provincetown, where Tea Dance at the Boatslip is a bizarre and uninhibited local institution. The fact that I am not graceful or coordinated doesn't matter--just give me a cocktail and a crowded dance floor full of drag queens, drunk bachelorettes, circuit boys, and various rhythm-challenged old fogeys like myself, and in my own mind: voila, I am invisible!

However, in the last decade or so I seem to have developed a fear of any dance environment where (a) steps must be learned and (b) other people are present.  Even a beginner class is intimidating, because a combination of increasing age and self-consciousness render me incapable of memorizing more than two movements in a row. 

Isn't that stupid? No one cares how doofy I look if I don't know the steps. So I may try to confront this fear, we'll see. Inspired by bloggers like Sylvia, I'm thinking of trying a Zumba class when we rejoin our gym in San Diego in November. (I'll just have to work really really hard on inventing a magic invisibility cloak in the next few weeks).

2. Don't Use Dancing as An Excuse for Crappy Food Choices.

Yes, dancing counts as exercise!  But if you consult this amusing calorie chart that helpfully points out that 1 hour of fast ballroom dancing permits you to eat 1.4 Grande Starbucks Caffe Lattes made with whole milk, half a McDonald's Big Mac With cheese, 4.9 glasses of wine, 1.4 Snickers Bars, or 1.9 cans of Coca-Cola, you might get the wrong idea about proper post-workout nutrition.

3. Perform a "Reality" Check

Dancing is everywhere on TV these days, whether it's the misfit show-tune-belting performers on Glee, the B-list celebs on Dancing With the Stars, or the ever-hopeful contestants on So You Think You Can Dance. However, the carefully calculated media images you're exposed to can sometimes cause confusion!

So warning: please don't be shocked when stage lights, back-up singers and orchestras don't magically appear when you start to bust a few moves down at the local shopping mall. Or try not to be disappointed that you can't emulate Kirstie Alley and magically shed a quick 100 pounds after taking up dancing.  You may also be surprised to discover that without a team of coaches and hours and hours a day to practice, you can't quite pull of the acrobatic leaps, spins, flips, and twirls that you see on your screen without causing major bodily injury.  And if you do happen to be pretty darn good?  Then you may be appalled to discover that absolutely no one is calling you up offering you huge prizes or starring roles in tv programs!

The biggest source of confusion of all?  Many people seem to be under the impression that sitting on their asses watching hour after hour of other people dancing on TV constitutes exercise.  Sadly, some actual physical activity is required--and pushing the buttons on your remote control to fast forward through commercials doesn't really count.

4. Be Careful If You Want to Go Pro

Well, if movies are any indication, it's scary to be a professional dancer! If you don't go Black-Swan insane, you're at least at risk of being Chorus-Lined into breast implants or will be tragically undone by your demonic Red Shoes.

And there's at least a little actual research to back up the notion that professional dancing comes with certain risks.  Not only are there the physical injuries, but ballet dancers are at increased risk of  anorexia and have an unusually strong preoccupation with achieving a low body weight.

5. Don't Dance Yourself to Death.

Here's where we get to the fun part about fatalities... ever heard of the Dancing Plague of 1518?  Hundreds of folks were seized with the uncontrollable desire to dance and didn't stop for days and days until many died. Oh, and during the depression, at least a couple of contestants perished during grueling dance marathons trying to win cash prizes.

And has the whole take ecstasy and dance until you croak fad ended yet? I'm thinking that trend went out in the 90's, but what do I know, I don't stay up late enough to know whether the young folks are still having raves.

6. Don't Be A Total Asshat!

Beware: combining the exuberance of dancing, a show-offy personality, and a bucket full of alcohol may result in serious injury and public humiliation. This YouTube video compilation has been out there a while, and in it are a few innocent folks who did nothing but stand in the wrong place and get clobbered by idiots. But most of those showcased fall into the "way asking for it" category. Don't let this be you!



So do any of you love dancing? Fear it? A little of both?

Bike Safety: Who Cares?

Bad doggy--where's your helmet?!

Photo: Ronn Aldaman 

If you ride a bicycle on occasion, or prefer not to run over bicyclists while driving, there are a few safety tips to keep in mind.

The good news: many of these suggestions, even the obvious ones, may help you avoid an accident! The bad news: even if you employ every safety suggestion ever offered, you could still get smooshed or wind up smooshing someone. Put bikes and automobiles together, and all too often you end up with injuries and even fatalities.

So who cares? Well, some folks do more than others. For example, research suggests the extent to which you care about bike safety seems inversely correlated with penis ownership.

But while gals may care more about safety in the abstract, we're also perfectly capable of dangerous dimwittery on the roadways. Plus, if you're like me, you may THINK you know what's safe and be missing a few pointers.

So whatever your gender, you may want to ponder, add to, or argue vehemently against the advice in this bicycle safety FAQ.

Q: Crabby, what are your qualifications for addressing bike safety, are you an expert?

A: Glad you asked! I am indeed an expert: in falling off my bike. This winter I managed to break my arm when traveling at about 1/2 mile an hour on a perfectly smooth roadway when something unanticipated crossed in front of me. This makes me extremely cognizant of the notion that you can't be too freakin' careful when riding a bike, especially if you're a bit on the clumsy side, which I am.

Q: Should you wear a helmet?

A: Eh, that depends. After all, helmets are dorky, they mess up your hair, and many of the cool kids eschew them. About the only time you should bother with a helmet are those days you'd prefer not to die of head injuries in an accident. Safety statistics, shcmafety statistics. (Although hard numbers on helmets and safety seem strangely elusive and even controversial; many of the sources citing statistics neglect to say where they came from, and some of the most cited studies have their critics, many of whom are anti-helmet-law activists. Whatever. Even just anecdotal evidence from doctors and nurses I've run into scares me enough that I never ride my bike without one.)

Q: Where should you ride your bicycle?

A: Preferably not on a freeway, through a busy department store, into a lake, off a cliff, or in the path of a runaway train.

More specifically stay as far away as you can get from clueless motorists, slippery surfaces, tire-trapping grates, broken glass, attack dogs, and land mines. Or, for that matter, land mimes.

Clowns too. Steer the hell away from mimes and clowns.

(Photo: emilio labrador)

The problem? Sometimes in order to get to beautiful, spacious, smoothly paved bike trails and lanes, you may have to navigate through streets with cars on them. Or perhaps your destination is more practical, like your place of employment, and there are no handy bike trails to take.  In this case, it is best to do some investigating ahead of time so you don't inadvertently end up on the interstate getting rudely side-swiped by wandering Winnebago's or 18-wheelers hauling Hostess Twinkies.

Q: So how do you find bike trails and low-traffic bike-friendly streets?

A: Well, you can scout things out ahead of time in your car. You can pop into your local bike shop, where folks are generally helpful even if you're not buying anything. Or you can go online!  Many areas have cyclist clubs and forums, or local government agencies with bike route information.  Also, one resource I used heavily in San Diego was Google Earth. If your area is well-mapped, you can use this scope out potential routes, and actually SEE possible dangers and annoyances ahead of time.

Sadly, depending on where you live, often there are no routes without dangers and annoyances. In that case, your best bet is to move to Amsterdam.

Q: Wait, before I move to Amsterdam, I'm still wondering what the deal was about safety and penises!

A: Right! So over at Julie's Health Club, a very sensible health blog that I didn't know about because it's been hiding at the Chicago Tribune, I discovered there's a gender difference when it comes to biking and bike safety.  Men take twice as many bike trips as women do in the U.S.  Not coincidentally, studies show that women tend to be more risk averse, less reckless, and more concerned about bike safety than men are. According to Jan Garrard, an Australian researcher, women are more likely to use off-road paths than roads. “The real and perceived risks of cycling are enhanced among women, and this ranges from concerns about serious injuries to the everyday hassles often associated with cycling.”

Q: If you do have to share the road with cars, what should you keep in mind?

A: Generally, it is safest to assume that the motorists you see are all drunk, blind, experiencing medical emergencies, and yet simultaneously texting their friends to inquire about weekend plans.  In short, drivers may not see you even if you are RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF THEM.

So be as visible as possible! At night, don't ride without lights and reflective clothing. During the day, choose a colorful outfit so motorists are more likely to see you and pay attention.

OK, maybe not this outfit.
Photo: San Diego Shooter

Q: What if there are no bike lanes, can I ride on the sidewalk?

A:  Putting aside the fact that it's generally illegal, it's rare that it's any safer on the sidewalk.  Riding on sidewalks (or on the wrong side of the road), is actually more dangerous even though it may seem less creepy than having fast-moving cars coming up from behind you and whizzing by at close range. Not only is there the pedestrian issue, but also cars coming in and out of driveways or streets don't think to look on the sidewalk for bikes.

Q: Should I stay as far to the right as possible?

A: While it's generally a good plan to ride on the right shoulder of the road, there are times where it's safer to move a bit further left to avoid being "doored."  In addition, sometimes you may need to move even further to the middle and "take the lane." These and other situations are explained in detail with diagrams and dramatic headings like "The Red Light of Death," at a site called "Bicycle Safe." As someone who has on occasion passed cars on the right, stood in the wrong place while waiting for a traffic light to change, and yes, ridden on sidewalks, I found the warnings helpful if a bit sobering.

Q: What are some other safety tips for cyclists?

A: Don't be a butthead! This is harder than it sounds, because even cyclists who consider themselves careful sometimes get in a hurry and get a bit reckless or go too fast. We also tend to feel a bit self-righteous about our mode of transportation and take stop signs as "suggestions." I still think this is fine when you can see clearly that no one is coming from any direction, but too often cyclists act like their teeny tiny carbon footprint gives them the "right" to ignore all traffic laws and entitles them to cut in front of cars that have the right of way. Not only is it rude, it could get you killed.

Q: What other safety equipment do you recommend?

A: Personally, I use a rear-view mirror--I've got a tiny one that clips onto my sunglasses; when I finally get it positioned right (rare), it really does help to know what's going on behind me. Another idea is a horn or bell. It took me forever to buy one, probably because when I'm out walking on a path and some bike comes up behind me going "Brrinng! Briingg! Brrriiiiinggg" I immediately think: You Asshole. That's because I instinctively translate the sound of a bell ringing as: "get out of my way, stupid pedestrian, or I'll run you over!" However, when on a bike, I know that it just means, "Hi, I'm coming up behind you, please don't suddenly lurch right in front of me, ok?" And unfortunately calling out "on your left," however calmly, often causes pedestrians to hear "left," panic, and then leap leftwards right into your path. A bell, sounded well in advance, seems to get better results even if it does cause a bit of pedestrian harumphing.

Q: What should drivers keep in mind to avoid running into cyclists?

A: Remember to look for them, especially when making turns or opening doors. Also, assume that some of them will be the Butthead sort of bicyclists, who may ride recklessly and ignore traffic laws. Even if the bike is at fault, you do not want to hit one.

Here's a safety tip (again, from Julie's Health Club) to avoid "dooring" bikes. When opening the driver side door, always use your right hand. "This will force you to twist your body and look back, allowing you to see if any cyclists or walkers are coming by." (However, it seems like if you can remember to do this, you could also remember to take a look around, but hey, every little bit of caution helps!)

And finally, for those who like their bicycle saftey info straight-up, without any swearwords or mention of penises, here's a safety video with additional tips.



Anyone have any better suggestions, scary stories, grievances, or unrelated tales of weekend revelry? It's all good!

Balance Training: One More Damn Thing To Worry About?

Photo credit: Foxtongue

How's your balance?

I thought mine was pretty good. Then a while back Mizfit alerted me to a balance test that tells you how "old" you are based on how long you can stand on one foot, without swaying, with your eyes closed. I don't remember my exact score, but I think I came out somewhere around 113 years old. According to that test, it's a wonder I can get out of bed in the morning without falling flat on my face.

Now I'm still not convinced my balance is that bad. But even if it were, is this really a problem? I mean, judging by so many of the romantic comedies I've watched, isn't klutziness, clumsiness, and a tendency to stumble over things just a sign of adorableness? Don't pratfalls predict happy endings?

Well, apparently not in real life. When you're elderly and you take a spectacular tumble, it's not generally of sign of fun times and complicated romantic entanglements ahead. According to the CDC, falls are the leading cause of injury deaths among the elderly.

So, OK, we want to make sure we head into our golden years all solid and graceful, not all tippy and teetery. But if we're not that old yet, why can't we just put it off a few decades? It's not like we don't already have enough to worry about, between aerobics and intervals and kegels and flossing our teeth and eating our probiotics and organizing our tax records.

Well, according to a neurology expert quoted in Runner's World, "You can lose as much as 75 percent of your balance ability between the ages of 25 and 75."

Oops.

So maybe it is best to take a look at this balance thing before is totally slips away from us.

Here are a few suggestions for working on your balance so that you don't become a CDC statistic someday.

1. Try bosu balls, wobble boards, stability balls, or other balance training gizmos.

There's something about investing in a fitness gadget that makes balance practice sound more appealing--at least for a few weeks until the novelty wears off. (I confess: I believe I have a wobble board somewhere in the basement that I haven't used in years.) Bosu balls seem to be getting very popular; and for a hilarious illustrated post on the proper use of one, go check out Jenny on the Spot.

2. Agility Training

I didn't even know this existed until Deb at Weight for Deb got all enthusiastic about it. Not only does it help with balance in dynamic situations, it can even sharpen your ability to think quickly. Which you'll need to do if you find yourself tripping over cones and ladders and hurtling towards the ground. Here are some sample agility exercises, and all I can say is: Yikes!

3. Wii Fit and other balance video games.

I keep hearing lots of great things about these, so I'm terribly jealous. Sounds like a great way to get a variety of balance exercises, but still be able to flail around in the privacy of your own home.

4. Yoga.

Yoga is great for balance. And not just in the evolved, serene, live-a-conscious lifestyle sense. But in the actual stop-tripping-and-falling-on-your-butt sense. For example, here you can find some online tips for standing balance poses.

5. Try fun-sounding sports that require balance.

These scare me to death, but braver souls than I seem to have a great time improving their balance by snowboarding, skateboarding, mountain biking, ice skating, skiing, surfing, or riding bucking broncos in the rodeo.

6. Regular Boring Old Balance Exercises:

Not as exciting as the rodeo, but there are many sources for balance exercises, like at Runner's World, Livestrong, Mayo Clinic, or 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet.

How about you folks, do you do have good balance? If not, are you doing anything to work on it?

[Note: This post also appears over at the Blogher 10X club, because Crabby is lazy like that. And hey, if you're feeling brave enough, you can even go check out the health and fitness challenges in the 10x forum.]

Fall Colors, an Apology, and a Quick Health Reminder

Photo: harold.lloyd

So the Lobster and I are back from our brief New England Fall Foliage tour, and though we were too lazy to take pictures, we had a great time!

Er, well, most of the trip, anyway. Perhaps not the night when we'd settled down in our lovely campsite by the pretty pond, finished dinner, and were just preparing for a peaceful night's sleep in our trusty campervan when...

BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!!

Our propane alarm went off, warning us of a potential gas leak.

Did I mention this was a completely deserted campground inside a beautiful state park miles from anywhere that promised awesome hiking, and that it was already paid for and nonrefundable?

We carefully considered our options: we could mute the frantic bleating sound, assuming it was only a false alarm (albeit the first one ever in seven years). Of course there would be small chance we might asphyxiate in our sleep, but as far as accidental death goes... that's really not an unpleasant one, right?

Nighty Night, Sleep Tight!

(Photo: O Pish Posh)

Much better to go to sleep inhaling propane than be wide awake and meet up with a huge hungry grizzly bear, or fall off a cliff or something.

Warning: Hurts More Than Falling Asleep.

(Photo:fdecomite)

Plus, if we never woke up, then we wouldn't have to unpack and clean the van again on our return!

But on balance, we decided it was probably worth hauling our sleepy asses back out of the lovely forest and onto the highway in search of a motel. And instead of hiking the next morning, we'd attempt to find an RV repair shop, one of our perennial favorite road-trip amusement stops.

As it turned out, the reason no one else was in our pretty campground even though it was the height of fall colors? All the leaf-peeping tourists were crammed into every motel room within two hours of us. After numerous "No Vacancies" we finally found a room at "America's Best," which we later learned must be short for the less well-known "America's Best Shithole" motel chain.

To be fair, as far as shithole motel rooms went, it probably was one of the best bets out there. To summarize:

Downsides: grease, grime, cigarette-burned bedclothes, rusted metal fixtures, water-stained ceilings, odd unidentifiable smears on doors and walls, a tiny lumpy double bed, funky moldy/garbagey smells, tattered carpet and drapes, peeling wallpaper, banged-up furniture, cobwebs, missing coffee-maker, cracked mirrors, and a couple of curious houseflies.

Upsides: No gunfire, prostitutes, drug-dealers, drunken screaming neighbors, rodents, arachnids, vipers or cockroaches. Plus, the toilet, while grimy, actually flushed and the shower had hot water. And it was cheap!

The Happy Ending: Van got fixed the next morning, our hiking and touring resumed that afternoon, and we consoled ourselves over our temporary misfortune with a Special Road Trip Treat: cheeseburgers!

So Sorry!

Alert readers may notice a bit of blogging laziness lately, as I gear up for the Cranky Fitness Big-Ass Giveaway and Cross Country Road trip. I've been terrible about answering emails, commenting at my favorite blogs, and doing much in the way of extensive health and fitness research. Again, thank goodness for helpful co-bloggers! And I swear that once I get settled on the west coast I'll start doing researchy posts where I try to dig up and report on actual useful information. Or barring that, at least I'll scout around and find some soccer players in their underwear, Sarah Haskins videos, or cute Lolcats.

And now for the promised health reminder:

Summer's Over, How's Your Vitamin D?

Many people, especially those in northern latitudes, don't get nearly enough vitamin D during the winter. (And we don't mean northern latitudes like Fairbanks, we mean northern like Boston and San Francisco.) Consider supplementing with some D-3, or get a few minutes of early morning or late afternoon sunshine without sunscreen. Perhaps sometime this winter, Cranky Fitness will sponsor a clothing-optional blogathon for Vitamin D awareness!

Outside is Better, But Maybe the Window's Open?

(Photo: kindofindie)

So send in your pictures of yourself blogging naked in the winter sunshine and we'll... well, I'm not sure what we'll do, besides giggle, but it will be arguably good for your health and may boost our pageviews.

Or, a more practical idea: next time you have a physical, ask to have your Vitamin D blood levels tested. Sure, depending on your doctor you may end up feeling like a high-maintenance hypochondriac, but screw it, it's worth it to get a number and have some clue if you're deficient. Some folks do all the right things and still somehow end up low.

(Bonus: if you take the test and find out your blood levels are great, it's an awesome smug feeling!)

Wait, I Forgot, Why Do We Care About Vitamin D?

It's the new hip nutrient (acai berries are so last year), and it seems to be linked to lowering risk of all kinds of health problems. It appears Vitamin D lowers risk of cancer, heart disease, stroke, autoimmune diseases like M.S., diabetes, and Alzheimer's.

Thanks for your patience! Any thoughts on fall foliage, crappy motels, interrupted vacations, vitamin D, or nude blogging?

Lightning is Frightening!

So did you know this week is National Lightening Safety Week?

It comes complete with a nifty slogan: "When Thunder Roars, Go Indoors!"

(And if that's the one they chose, you kinda wonder how bad the rejected ones were? "When Thunderclouds Threaten, It's Time to Start Frettin'!" Or: "When You Hear Thunder Boom, Don't Leave Your Room!" Or perhaps: "If You See Lightning Strike, Cancel The F@cking Hike!" )

Not only does Lightning Safety have a slogan, it even has it's own "quirky" mascot: "Leon the Lightning Lion!"

Parental Warning:

If Your Kid's Soccer Coach Looks Anything Like This?
Find Another Team. Lightning is The Least of Your Worries.

Actually, it seems the folks at the National Weather Service may have some ambivalent feelings themselves about skeezy ol' Leon. Check out the "kids game" over at the NWS lightning site: it's a little quiz, and if you guess wrong about an unsafe situation, poor Leon gets zapped by lightning and electrocuted before your very eyes!

Seriously. This is one creepy public safety campaign.

Anyway, as a San Francisco Bay Area transplant now spending summers on the East Coast, (and as a congenital worrywart), I do not need a lot of help in being scared of lightning. I'm already quite good at it.

On the west coast, lightning wasn't all that frequent. And when we did get some, it usually occurred in the middle of a winter rainstorm when I didn't want to go outside anyway. So it somehow seems weird and unfair that a perfectly warm summer day can entice you out to the beach or tempt you into a long hike, and then... Dark Clouds? Rain? Thunder? Lightning? Untimely death? WTF?

So I'm one of those people who will try to remember to check the radar before I go for long outdoor excursions, but even with some level of paranoia about it, I've still been caught outside in thunderstorms.

Was I really in any danger? What should I do if I'm outside and hear thunder? And am I safe if I'm hanging out indoors?

Well, the National Weather Service has put together some lightning safety information to answer some of my questions, but they left me feeling more paranoid than ever. (They also have a video that they advertise with inappropriately enthusiastic teaser "New 30 second video of teen struck by lightning!" Note: no teen is actually struck by lighting during the video, but it's actually pretty darn poignant. Here's the Youtube link.)

But anyway, on to the informational portion of this post. There's much more over at the NSA website.

Watch for Developing Thunderstorms. Towering cumulus clouds are often the first sign that you're going to die a thunderstorm may be developing.

It Doesn't Have to be Raining for You To Get Hit. Lightning can strike as far as 10 miles away from where rain is falling. Coincidentally, this about how far away you can hear thunder, which means...

If You Can Hear Thunder, You're Within Striking Distance. This totally freaks me out. If you're outside and you hear thunder, lightning can get you. Yikes!

Safe Places Are Really Hard To Find Outdoors. In the "Electrocute Leon the Lion Game," there are a bunch of examples of places you might try to seek shelter, but you (and Leon) are doomed because unless they are a large building or an enclosed vehicle you are screwed.

So all us hikey-bikey people who do not always travel everywhere in cars and could find ourselves a long way from shelter during a thunderstorm? People like us need to pay special attention to the weather!

You Can Be Zapped Indoors Too: "Stay off corded phones, computers and other electrical equipment that put you in direct contact with electricity. Stay away from pools (indoor or outdoor), tubs, showers and other plumbing."

I always wondered about this. So you could be minding your own business taking a bath and a thunderstorm comes along and... Eeek! You should also buy surge suppressors for key equipment and install ground fault protectors on circuits near water or outdoors. And "wait 30 minutes after the last clap of thunder, before going outside again." (And, um, how do you know it's the 'last clap?"

Don't Be Afraid to Help a Lightning Strike Victim: They don't carry an electrical charge, are safe to touch, and need urgent medical attention. Call 9-1-1 immediately and perform CPR if appropriate.

And be careful out there!

--- Crabby

Anyone have any tips, fears, scary stories, or other thoughts about lightning?

Asleep at the Wheel

[By Crabby]

The management of Cranky Fitness apologizes for not having a real post today. The Crab was in transit most of Tuesday and she found (surprise!) that when she got back she was too exhausted to think. And Merry is getting ready to go on an interstate journey of her own--to retrieve her beloved allergy-prone dog. So we're sorry--we hate to be lame, but... well, we got nuthin'.

And at least the Crab half of the Cranky Fitness team will apologize in advance for possible interruptions in service over the next month or so. (The cross-country move is indeed happening, which entails packing things up and completing renovations on the Provincetown house and climbing into the van and driving cross country with the cat who is too old to fly).

The worst part about blog slackitude is not getting to stop by often enough at all your fine blogs out there--which really is frustrating when there's so much great stuff going on there! However, eventually the Crab and Lobster will be settled and normal operations will resume. (Hooray for Merry, who even when moving is much more reliable!)

But there will be posts tomorrow and Friday, so please don't give up on us.

Oh wait, here's one thing: while flying in the unpleasant little airplane yesterday eating my Terra Blue potato chips and warding off crashes by gripping the armrest, I came across an article in USA Today. And it was a reminder that there are better things to fear than flying in airplanes.

The article was all about how people don't get enough sleep these days and it contained this rather horrifying statistic: Thirty six percent of people surveyed admitted to nodding off or falling asleep while driving.

Thirty six percent? Holy Crap!

Given that people are not terribly likely to make embarrassing confessions when taking surveys, you gotta figure the real numbers are even higher. Forty percent? Fifty percent? Sixty percent? Arrgghh!

Does anyone else find this statistic alarming?

Note: IT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DRIVE SAFELY WHILE YOU ARE ASLEEP.

There is nothing shameful about feeling tired. But please, if you're really, really sleepy, DON'T DRIVE. And if it sneaks up on you, pull the f*ck over, even if it means being late to something important or feeling creeped out by sleeping in your car.

This has been a Cranky Fitness public service announcement. Now let's all banish unpleasant thoughts of sleeping drivers from our minds--and have a very pleasant Wednesday!

"Wacky" Warnings

[Posted by Crabby]

So you may have seen them already, but the annual "Wacky Warning" awards have been announced! (Unfortunately Healthbolt beat us to it, not being quite as slacky about the wacky.)

What are the awards about? Well, these are the often hilarious product warnings designed to protect imbeciles from hurting themselves. And there are plenty of them, because manufacturers have been traumatized by losing too many ridiculous lawsuits, and stick them on to everything. (Apparently even imbeciles can hire smart lawyers).

Some of this year's winners: a label on an iron-on T-shirt transfer that says: "Do not iron while wearing shirt."

Also, a baby stroller with what looks to be about an eight inch square storage pouch that warns: "Do not put child in bag."

And a letter opener that says: "Caution: Safety goggles recommended."

Previous awards are great too. A pair of shin guards with the warning: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.” Or, a cartridge for a laser printer with: “Do not eat toner.” And how about the label on the kid's scooter that cautions: "This product moves when used!"

You've probably seen other warnings yourself and marveled. The advisory (also a past winner) against using hair dryers while asleep was widely distributed--notice you still see these a lot? Do large numbers of people really sleepwalk into the bathroom and start styling their hair? And would a warning really help them at that point if they're asleep?

Or even more scary, perhaps there are people actually stupid enough to think: "Gosh, I just showered but now I'm sleepy. I don't want to go to bed with wet hair and wake up tomorrow looking like a giant mushroom... Hmm, perhaps I'll plug in my hairdryer, set it on my pillow, and then go to sleep all night with it on?"

The mind boggles.

Another personal favorite: at the retirement community where the Lobster's mother lives, all the trash dumpsters sternly caution residents not to "play on or around." Reading the sign, it's hard not to envision the 80 year old residents tossing aside their walkers and leaping into the dumpsters and jumping off the sides, just for a lark!

But as fun as these awards are, there were a couple of annoying things about them.

***WARNING: WHINING AHEAD!***

(Which should be a Warning Winner, because this is Cranky Fitness, and it goes without saying!)

First off: the grand prize winner wasn't all that stupid! It was a tractor with a warning not to leave the seat without lowering the big shovel thing first and turning of the engine. Otherwise, apparently it can crash down and crush you. Well... that actually seems like something a hurried or only moderately half-assed construction worker might be tempted to do. What got it the award? It was the title above the explanation: "Avoid Death!"

Well, yeah, if that was the entire content of the warning, it would be really stupid. (Or, really smart, depending on how you think about it). But it wasn't--it was right above the instructions on how to do just that. "Avoid death" just doesn't seem all that "wacky" when you're screwing around with construction equipment. It is the opinion of at least one half of Cranky Fitness that the tractor warning did not deserve first place.

And the second complaint? The name.

"Wacky Warnings." Yuck. (And the subtitle of the companion book: is "The 101 Stupidest, Silliest and Wackiest Warning Labels Ever!")

Can we just stipulate that "Wacky" is a dumb word? The word "wacky" is itself usually a warning: it's often used by copywriters pumping up stuff that's awful, or people who just naturally have a lame sense of humor. Unless you enjoy circus clowns and fart jokes and people slipping on banana peels, it's generally best to avoid "wacky."

"Zany" is awful too. At least they didn't say "zany."

Anyway, the sad thing is, for every dumb warning you see, you know there's usually some reason it got there. Like at the zoo, "please don't climb over fence into Tiger Cage?" Yeah some idiot, (more than one actually) did that and got chewed up. (The Giant Panda cage too, 'cause they look so cuddly. They're not.)

So have a great, safe weekend, don't go climbing into any wild animal cages--and don't say Cranky Fitness didn't warn you!

Unscheduled Rant

Today's post was supposed to be about teen suicide, since the alarming news is that there is suddenly a lot more of it happening, especially among girls.

No one knows whether this is just an anomalous blip or an actual trend. (Fortunately, it's still very rare; rates are about 1/100,000). The experts didn't seem to offer any convincing theories, either, about why the rates went up, other than the usual "life is hard for teens now" sort of thing.

Crabby was going to chime in and say, somewhat predictably, that life has never been easy and each generation going back through time has had some Pretty Intense Stuff to deal with. But then Crabby realized she really doesn't have much of a clue and should probably just shut up about it, especially since (a) suicide is a very complicated problem and (b) she doesn't have any teens herself to know what they're actually dealing with.

However, we can still talk about teen suicide in the Comments, as some of you may have some more actual info, theories, or observations about this that could help Crabby understand better what might be up with that.

The main reason the suicide post got interrupted, however, was that Crabby found herself so flustered and mad she couldn't concentrate and had to get a little rant out of the way.

Yesterday morning, for the second time in two weeks, she was nearly killed while crossing the street, in the designated crosswalk, with the right of way, by a car eager to make a left-hand turn on top of her.

Note: neither of these were fake crosswalks, the kind put in optimistically mid-block or at uncontrolled intersections, where theoretically the pedestrian might have the right away but no pedestrian is foolish enough to rely upon it. These were both real crosswalks at actual controlled intersections.

In both cases, Crabby was already well into the crosswalk before either car started to make their turn. So she was smack in front of these drivers when they not only turned, but then decided to head right for her and speed up in order to force her to run the rest of the way across. In neither case was there an oncoming car that the left-hand turner was trying to avoid colliding with. And had Crabby not sprinted either of these times, she would have been hit. No lie. Both these cars were so sure of Crabby's willingness to run to avoid being hit that they were going too fast to be able to stop.

This is a situation in which people are prone to exaggerate, but Crabby truly feared for her life each time. Had she tripped and stumbled or decided to stubbornly keep walking a normal speed, she would be writing this post from a hospital bed.

Or perhaps not writing it at all.

Crabby is not sure this has ever happened to her before--at least not in such a terrifying way, and certainly not twice in two weeks! She was actually warned by a Smart Reader about D.C. drivers, but except for these two bizarre instances, she has not noticed the driving being any worse here than other major metropolitan areas. Many drivers here are actually quite considerate!

And having lived in Manhattan for two years, Crabby knows something about aggressive driving. She knows that "the right of way" and "who really gets to go now" are two different concepts. She also knows that when a pedestrian wants to cross the street and a driver wants to make a turn, there are competing interests and a certain amount of strategizing goes on--a pedestrian who has just taken a few steps of the curb, for instance, knows she may need to stop her progress if a car decides to turn right in front of her.

But damn it, if you are a driver wanting to make a left turn and the pedestrian is now right smack in front of you, GAME OVER. You lost that one. Sorry, now you have to wait, as painful as that is for you. You do not Proceed Anyway and try to Hit the Pedestrian! If you are in such a F*cking Hurry, keep in mind that a mangled body on the hood of your car is going to take up quite a bit of your morning, and perhaps even the rest of your life, to sort out!

Is this some sort of horrible new trend? Or just an unlucky coincidence? Do people suddenly think they are starring in their own Hollywood Action films or video games when they get behind the wheel and that there will be no real life consequences when they do crazy reckless things? (Hmm... the teen suicide statistics... a theory begins to take form...)

Anyway, at least there is a semi-satisfying epilogue:

In yesterday morning's incident, Crabby actually discovered the vehicle pulled over a few blocks away. It was some sort of government-looking thing (probably local), all white with some red stars or something on it, and the woman driving it was wearing a blue uniform. Crabby actually got the license number, and discovered there was a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on the back of the car! But unfortunately, the number didn't have a handy acronym like 1-800-WTF-LADY??!! or anything, and the driver saw Crabby staring at the back of her car, recognized her, and pulled away before Crabby could attempt to memorize the phone number.

Crabby may never find out what agency or company this woman worked for (any D.C. folks have any suspects? This was in Georgetown, if it makes any difference). But she does have the license number and the date and time in case she ever does figure it out. And even better? Crabby had the satisfaction of watching this woman, who nearly hit her, realize that the person she tried to mow down was now attempting to Rat Her Out. Perhaps she even worried about it a bit, and took a bit less menacing approach towards the next annoying pedestrian who had the nerve to be in a crosswalk in front of her.

So drive safe, folks, and look both ways before crossing the street, and even if you do, be prepared to sprint through intersections away from insanely reckless drivers!

Americans and Their Guns: A Sensible Alternative

So a new report is out that says Americans... are getting fatter? No, that was yesterday. Apparently Americans are packin' not just pounds, but heat. We're number one in the world when it comes to come to gun ownership, as there are now 9 guns for every 10 Americans.

(This is a health blog. Guns are design to shoot bullets, which then enter human bodies and do Terrible Things to the tissues, bones, and organs that reside within. From a health perspective, the ideal ratio of guns to people seems more like 0 to 10).

Anyway.

Here are some of the reported highlights culled from the study and related interviews:

• More than half of the 8 million guns manufactured worldwide each year are bought by Americans.
• While there is about 1 gun for every 7 people worldwide, leave out the United States and it drops to 1 per 10 people.
• France, Canada, Sweden, Austria and Germany were the next highest, all with about 30 guns per 100 people.
• Poorer countries, even those associated with violence, ranked far lower. Nigeria had just one gun per 100 people.

And the reasons we can't just say "enough" and ban firearms outright in this country, despite all the damage they cause? These seem to inevitably come down to the Constitution or self defense.

Well, the Constitution can be changed. We don't live in the same times anymore. The British aren't coming (except to take advantage of the exchange rates) and the Indians are now Native Americans and they're not interested in attacking your freakin' Covered Wagons.

But what about self-defense? Don't we need guns to protect the Home and the Family from Criminals?

Well, let's say for argument sake that we do. What's the best way to do that? Who needs protecting? Whom do they need protecting from?

What if only women over 18 were permitted to own or carry firearms? A new national law, to be implemented just as soon as we have reliable functioning biometric gun locks. So a gun would be useless in the hands of a man. And any woman who owned one would be registered and traceable. (It looks like we're already well on the way with the technology too).

And then serious resources would be devoted into getting rid of the old guns. Random checkpoints. Buy-back programs. Stings at gun-shops. Internet quasi-entrapment schemes like they use for pedophiles. The sort of resources we're only too happy to use to catch foreign terrorists or arrest drug dealers or invade countries we don't like.

C'mon, you know this makes sense. Picture all the functioning guns in this country in the hands of women or police officers. Guns that would turn useless if men tried to use them.

Families who wanted to protect themselves with firearms would have to let Mom be in charge. She'd have to go get trained in how to use her weapon and spend some time on the range shooting at targets. If a Creepy Criminal really did break in to the house and threaten her children, she'd know exactly what to do.

So it's not perfect. They'd be the occasional female nutball or aggressive anti-social criminal. We'd catch her quick, though, because there'd be so few shootings that it wouldn't be quite so hard to trace her registered weapon to her and throw her in jail and keep the rest of us safe.

Oh yes, and there's the issue of Sex Discrimination. Curious, isn't it, that we haven't yet managed to pass a Constitutional Amendment outlawing that? There seem to be plenty of loopholes available when it serves men or Traditional Thinking. (Just ask a woman who wants to compete equally with men for military combat assignments, for example).

Thoughts?

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

So did anyone else who enjoys camping and hiking see this article and feel totally creeped out?

It's a news item from a few days ago, in which a black bear (not a Grizzly) slit open a tent in a campground and dragged off an eleven year old boy.

The story does not have a happy ending.

Yes, Crabby knows: it's very rare, it's not the bear's fault, expanding human habitation, blah, blah blah.

Still--the kid was minding his own business in a tent and got dragged away, like something out of a spooky old German fairy tale or your worst nightmare.

Hiking in remote and beautiful national parks is one of Crabby's favorite recreational activities. It's healthy and fun and Crabby loves it--or she always used to. But with more and more stories of bear and mountain lion attacks (sorry, no actual tigers in this post), she finds herself enjoying these hikes less than she used to.

When she's in Serious Bear Country she and Most Significant Other still venture out. (They love the Canadian Rockies, for example, but--loads o' bears there.) But if you're not traveling in a large group, you're supposed to make a fair amount of noise so you don't startle any of them and rile them up.

Have any of you ever done a hike like this? Do you not feel ridiculous? We shake cans of rocks or clap; we talk extra loud or sing silly go-away-bear songs. We then cringe when stray hikers surprise us coming from the opposite direction as we are bellowing out nonsensical lyrics. The experience is not all that relaxing.

Crabby knows actual bear attacks are rare, but she and MSO had a scary bear encounter a year or two ago. It was a black bear too, but one that had grown unafraid of people. It was waiting for us on the trail; it had heard us coming, as we'd been making all the requisite noise, but it did not flee as it was supposed to. It advanced. Banging sticks together and trying to look large, we demanded, in stern tones of voice: "Go Away Bear!"

The bear did not go away as requested.

It was a really big bear too. Crabby had never seen a huge bear up that close, at least not a live one outside of a cage.

The bear seemed intrigued by the noise, but not the least bit frightened. After a bit it stopped advancing, but it still did not leave, either.

Okay, so eventually it did. But not for a really long time. (Well, maybe three minutes, but it felt like a very long three minutes).

So Crabby will still go hiking, sometimes, but she and MSO find themselves, more often than they used to, sticking to crowded trails with plenty of other hikers. Sometimes, when choosing between a potentially spectacular nature hike in an area where mountain lions have been recently sighted, or a nice paved path around a lake where they have not, Crabby and MSO will opt for the wimpier route.

Crabby knows she really should somehow end this post with a cheerful "don't let your silly fears stop you, go out there and explore the wilderness! After all, you're much more likely to get hit by lightning than eaten by a bear or a lion!"

But this is Cranky Fitness. And Crabby is plenty scared of lightning too.

So, dear readers, any thoughts about hiking, bears, freak accidents, fears, the necessity (or not) of braving said fears? All comments welcome, relevant or not!

Accidental Death, Evil Empire, and Other Pleasant Sunday Subjects

Some blogs go sensibly dark on the weekends; others just keep plugging away as though their authors and readers had no actual lives. Welcome to Cranky Fitness!

At some point Crabby may well have to explore the "dark" side herself, and think about taking weekends off. She seems to be blogging all the time now. Yet she has a novel to finish, a Crabby McSlacker self-help book to consider, and a Crabby McSlacker Health and Fitness Empire to build. (She will, at some point, fill readers in on her Sinister Scheme for World Domination).

For now, however, Crabby is mostly just blogging and there will usually be something here for loyal readers to peek at, even on weekends. Maybe not both days, but at least one of the two.

A warning, however: weekend posts may be short and random and disorganized.

Well, okay, sometimes weekday posts will be like that too.

So lacking an elegant transition (it being a weekend) Crabby will just present you with some random research and news that she didn't fit in during the week.

Accidental deaths have been rising, and are up twelve percent, worrying those who track such things. In particular, there are more drug overdoses, more old people falling in their homes, and, wait for it, more Baby Boomers wiping out on motorcycles. Crabby isn't kidding about that last one--feel free to write your own punchline.

Speaking of weird causes of accidental death, a teenage athlete died from over-use of "muscle cream" (think Bengay, Icy Hot, etc). Apparently she was a cross-country runner who used "topical medication to excess" and absorbed too much methyl salicylate, an anti-inflammatory. Yet another (strange) reminder: everything in moderation!

And to continue our cheerful theme, Crabby was just passing a newsstand and spied a headline on a newspaper rack that's become all too common these days: "Five-year-old finds gun, kills himself." Should Crabby venture her opinions on guns, gun ownership, and the general idiocy of the American legal, cultural, and political systems when it comes to this issue?

Perhaps not, at least not on this sunny Sunday. Another day.

Enjoy what's left of your weekend, folks!