And We're Back! Maybe?

photo: An-e

In response to the thousands... er, hundreds... or, ok three emails I received wondering where the hell Cranky Fitness had gone, I thought I'd attempt a brief update. This is also a test post to see if hitting "publish" will accomplish anything other than exercising my right index finger.

Time to Change Up Your Game?

photo via x-ray delta one

By Crabby McSlacker

So when it comes to health and fitness, I'm generally a big advocate of showing up and doing a shitty job of things rather than not showing up at all.

Something is almost always better than nothing.  A grudging, sluggish 10 minute workout that you actually DO is way better than the 90 minute kick-ass workout you can't motivate yourself to tackle, right?

And yet, other times, we may have to take a look at our goals, and what we're doing to accomplish them, and ask a tough question:

Adventures and Delusions

Art: George Grie (via wikimedia)

By Crabby McSlacker

Life is getting way interesting again lately... and most of it is pretty fun to think about.

And yeah, this is one of those "meta" blog posts acknowledging that as life gets more eventful, the blog will continue to slide into further slackitude. My contributions are already getting more sporadic and weird, and I'm relying more on generous guest bloggers to keep this thing going.

I ain't ready to commit blogicide just yet. But be forewarned, its going to be kind of up and down for the forseeable future and may have sort of a "Dear diary" tone to it, plus more travel pictures and on-the-road type posts.  Even worse is the unforgivable failure to engage as much as I'd like with beloved readers and other bloggers, a state of affairs that makes me feel really shitty.  But I'm hoping at least some of you will keep hangin' in there.

By the way, HUGE THANKS to all you folks who keep visiting and commenting no matter what the state of the blog. I especially love those of you who reply to other's comments and foster such a feeling of community. Lately I've totally sucked at that. (Though while I don't always pop in to reply, I never miss reading a comment!)

And an additional huge thanks to the very cool site Healthista, which is hip and full of great content and speaks with an adorable British accent. It's got the feel of a major media outlet in terms of shiny professionalism, but manages a fun down-to-earth tone. Plus, how can I not love a site quirky enough to include Cranky Fitness in a "best health blog" sort of list? Be sure to check it out.

Anyway, so here are some of the things coming up on my calendar... how about yours?  What sort of adventures, quests, chores, ordeals, long-shot dreams or sensible goals are you looking ahead to?

Cool Stuff We Didn't Write Ourselves

By Crabby McSlacker

Too Bad Oscar's Long Gone...Wonder What He'd Think about Crossfit?

photo: wikimedia commons

So for the time being, I'm thinking Friday posts might be a combo of a couple of things:

1. Interesting Things Found Elsewhere 'Round the Web... because Cranky Fitness needs to get out more.

Plus..

2. Blog Chat... 'Cause there's nothing more exciting, right, than a blogger blogging about blogging? But it's a blogger's favorite form of self-indulgence, or at least it's mine.  And especially with changes a comin,' I'm feeling compelled to blather a bit.

Fitness Communities: Whaddya Think?

By Crabby McSlacker

Photo: German Federal Archives via wikimedia commons.

So, yeah--these may well be fit and happy Nazis.

In case you were hoping this a post might be a thorough round-up of all the new interactive apps and websites that encourage people to become part of a healthy community:  um, sorry, no.  At least not yet. That would take a lot of work, and the brand new Cranky Fitness Research department is not quite open for business yet.

This post, when I eventually get to the point, is mostly a follow up to the "help wanted" plea of a couple weeks ago, and an update on some forthcoming blog changes! For all (none) of you out there who are dying of curiosity.

Because one of my sneaky schemes for 2014 is to try to make this blog more of a "community" site and not just one middle-aged grouchy blogger prattling on to herself about health and fitness annoyances. (Not that I plan to stop that any time soon.)


But meanwhile...

Why Grouchy Loners Like Me Tend to Hate "Communities"

Photo: icanhazcheezburger

It Ain't What it Used to Be

Cranky Fitness used to be a much better blog, for a variety of reasons.

Do Just One Thing... Less!

 

So originally this was going to be an "Ask the Trainer" post, until I realized I'd actually forgotten to Ask one of the Trainers!  So later I guess on that.

And then I thought, hey, what about a Wordless Wednesday post, that'll be quick! But that would require finding a copyright-free image so earth-shattering it would shut me up entirely, and that quest would not ultimately be any sort of time-saver.

Part of the reason I got a late start posting is I was having fun swingin' in the park, and then got caught up in email, which I get a lot of, and I was pondering the thought-provoking Just One Thing missive I receive that was all about Giving (and asking, and communicating, and other similar things).

So I thought, well, maybe I'll write a post about that!

So Long, Everyone!

Photo: LightIsBeauty

So, wow. This is my last scheduled post for Cranky Fitness.

I figured I should leave you all with some sort of thoughtful, inspiring finale. An earnest but well-crafted farewell, filled with genuine gratitude, a nostalgic round-up of fond memories, some sincere good wishes, and a few helpful, hopeful, final words.

Photo: Swami Stream

But then I realized that someone was actually gonna have to write the damn thing.

And wouldn't it be weird if Crabby McSlacker's goodbye post was earnest, thoughtful, and inspiring? I'd have to hire out, and you'd probably notice the difference, and you'd wonder where all the swear words and incomplete sentences went.

So I'm afraid you're stuck with regular old Crabby McSlacker, saying a rather half-assed goodbye. Sorry! I'll try to keep it short and simple.

First off, a few administrative things:

1. There are still a couple more days of the old Cranky Fitness, and Jo and Gigi haven't said their goodbyes yet. (And yeah, I know it's confusing that there are three of us).

2. Even after my cobloggers sign off, Cranky Fitness will still exist, just not as an ongoing blog--it will be more like a regular website. And there may still be occasional updates, so check back every now and then!

Also, I'm hoping to come back and organize the posts by topic so you can find things in the archives more easily. There is some actual health research back there, as well as questionable advice, bad puns, pointless quizzes, and a ridiculous number of LOLcat pictures and Natalie Dee cartoons. I promise I'll come back and knock some cobwebs off and tidy up the shelves a bit.

3. To cope with blog withdrawal symptoms, I may be using that dadburned newfangled "Twitter" thing I recently signed up for. I still don't quite get what the point is, but I've discovered that the 140 character limit is still more than enough space for me to express all my profound thoughts. I wonder if I'm brilliantly succinct? Or just completely empty-headed?

Wait, that was a rhetorical question...

Anyway, whether you're already on Twitter or if you just need an excuse to sign up so that you can find out what it's about, please follow me! Not that I'm desperate or anything. I don't mind being that geeky kid in the playground no one wants to eat lunch with. Really, it's nice not to have to share my sandwiches, and peace and solitude are conducive to deep and meaningful reflection, don't you think?

4. Some of you have asked about my new job: yes, it is web-based and involves health writing, hooray! But, well, I'm afraid it's a commercial-type site and not a blog. It involves medical equipment and honestly, it's not probably anything you'd want to read on purpose. The site hasn't launched yet, but when it does I'll mention it on Twitter, and you can go there and think: Oh! Well, Crabby was right, this isn't very much like Cranky Fitness. Let's just buy some expensive medical devices and then leave quietly and pretend we never clicked.

And now for some final thoughts:

Oh my gosh, I am SO going to miss you guys!

Some of you, like Leah and BunnyGirl, have been here from the first few posts. (This is back in the day when I wrote, quite awkwardly, in the third person. I don't actually recommend you go back that far to browse). Others of you have started coming to Cranky Fitness more recently. But none of you probably have any idea how much it's meant to me to get to hang with you.

I love reading your comments, visiting your blogs, receiving your emails, and spying on you through our stat program to see which pages you've visited and what search terms you used to get here. (Oh, sorry, did that last part creep you out? Don't worry, the stat program doesn't give bloggers your actual name or address or picture or anything. Yet.)

Cranky Fitness readers are unrivaled in their original, insightful, and hilarious comments on everything from self-esteem and weight discrimination to push-ups, fish oil, and semi-naked soccer players. I often share my favorite comments with the Lobster, and she agrees: you guys are the best.

And I've been especially lucky to share the blog with such wonderful cobloggers. Fortunately Merry, Jo, and Gigi all have blogs of their own and I hope you will follow them at Sheesh, Chunky Monkey Mama, and Head Nurse.

So gosh... I guess this is it! I've had a total blast with this thing.

Photo: Plan 59

Goodbye! Be good to yourselves! And thanks again for all the good times.


Over an' Out,
Crabby McSlacker

Blog Secrets... Plus a Giveaway!

Image: Ace Covers

So as the blog-clock ticks down on our final weeks at Cranky Fitness, I find myself wanting to indulge in a few more "behind the scenes" posts. (Like last week's peek at weird google searches.)

It's just that this silly little blog has been a huge part of my life over the last few years. Yet when you try to talk about blogging to friends who do not read or write blogs themselves? Their eyes glaze over and they get these cute little frozen smiles on their faces and pretty soon they seem to have a sudden need to freshen their drinks or visit the restroom or call their grandmothers.

Since I have no more "real life" friends left to chase away with blogging tales, you lucky patient folks get to read these behind-the-scenes, Top Secret Crabby McSlacker True Blog Confessions! Wait... where are you all going? Well, at least I've got a bit of a bribe today: 5 copies of the new SparkPeople Workout DVD to give away over on the product page. If you've got a U.S. mailing address, be sure to check it out!

So anyway, for those of you who haven't fled yet, let me share a few shocking, lurid blog "secrets."

1. For a shy person, I'm quite the attention-seeking narcissist. Unexpected links, mentions, and page-view spikes get me WAY more psyched than any normal person should be. And I used to joke about being obsessed by my blog statistics? Well... um... it was never a joke. Even now, I still check every day.

2. Some PR folks are professional, friendly, and awesome, but others are total idiots and/or buttheads. And 95% of the pitches we fitness bloggers get on behalf of major corporations are (1) clueless about what we do and (2) offensive in their one-sided approach to working with us. We are supposed be honored and flattered to write about their products and link to their sites! While they promise to do nothing in return but send us more information about their products. Yippee, sign me up!

The reviews and giveaways can be fun (SparkPeople got a thumbs-up for friendly professionalism, which is why we're doing another one). But a few giveaways we've done have been a nightmare because of extreme sponsor idiocy or flakiness.

3. Blogging makes me feel guilty. All The Time. I don't know how some bloggers do it--writing great posts, replying to comments, emailing, tweeting, updating their blogrolls, visiting all the other great blogs out there and leaving comments, finding and linking to other sites. I used to do more of all that stuff. True to form, I'm a slacker--but, alas, not a carefree slacker. It bothers me that I'm not being nearly as supportive to all the great folks who link and visit and comment here as they have been to me.

4. Bloggers get catty behind the scenes. I've made some great online friendships through the blog, and we bloggers trade emails. You'd be surprised at some of the tacky things we say about PR folks, fitness celebrities, and even sometimes other famous bloggers or clueless random googlers who leave ridiculous or offensive comments on our sites.

5. Reading blog comments is way more fun than writing posts. OK, so this isn't exactly a secret, but I have to mention this again. The quality of discussion on this blog, and the warmth an humor of the commentators, has made reading comments the best thing about blogging. Writing posts, on the other hand... Of course I love having finished them, but the writing process is slow and sometimes hard going. You'd think with my sloppy attitude towards research, composition, and proof-reading, that I'd whip these things right out. But I don't. It's gotten harder as I've said most of what I had to say about health and fitness, which is why it's not a bad time to take an extended Crabbatical.

6. I've never been sure how to handle the gay thing. Regular readers have been so mellow and accepting that this has almost been a non-issue. But it's still weird to try to write a post in which, if I were straight, I'd naturally mention my husband. But I don't have a husband, I have a wife, and this could be confusing to some folks. I know that lots of readers are not regulars here but drop in from google. If I just said "wife" they'd assume I was a dude, and then they'd get all confused when I mentioned sports bras or pap smears. But leaving the Lobster out felt all wrong and closety, so I tried not to do that either.

It's funny that I haven't run into more gay or lesbian health/fitness/weight loss bloggers--or maybe I have and just didn't realize it. Anyway, I appreciate that the folks here have never been anything but supportive. You guys rock.

7. Jillian Michaels mentioned Cranky Fitness on her radio show... but I'm pretty sure she never read the blog. I was totally thrilled to hear that she recommended us, until I actually listened to the program. All the quotes came from the article that Women's Health did on us; some assistant probably just passed the info on. Sigh. Despite her sometimes brutal training style, and the ickiness of her hawking weight-loss pills, I still admire her. Would've been cool if she really had discovered the blog and liked it.

8. There was almost a Cranky Fitness book. This was a bit of a heart-breaker: I got contacted by a publishing company about doing a Cranky Fitness book, and at their request, sent them a proposal. It was enthusiastically recommended by a couple of underlings and sent up the chain for further review, but they ultimately decided against it. Dang! But I guess the upside of not having managed to finagle a book deal? I don't have to write a book!

9. I have quite a few names; many of you do too. I am Crabby McSlacker; I am Jamie Graham... and I also have two other names: the full name that appears on my birth certificate and driver's license, and the shortened version that I'm called by most "in real life" folks. (I'm not actually crazy about it, but retraining IRL folks would be a losing battle). The whole alias thing started because when I still had psychotherapy clients, I didn't want them thinking they were models for characters in my fiction. But I liked my pen name better than my real name, and also liked having a whole additional layer of anonymity when doing Webthings in the scary Webworld.

So I thought this multiple-identity thing was all very bizarre of me until I started doing more giveaway contests... then I discovered I am not the only one. I see folks with a cute name they blog under, who also have an easy-to-discover "real" name which appears under their profile, or is associated with their email address. Which then turns out NOT to be the name their postal delivery person will recognize. It was a relief to find out I'm not the only many-named weirdo on the web!

10. I almost blogged about my bowel habits for 10 days. I once got paid to take a "challenge" which involved eating a lot of products containing bran and other fiber additives and reporting on how I "felt." Fortunately, for both myself and for blog readers, the sponsor backed out, but let us bran bloggers keep the money. Later on, I got another even more generous offer to take a laxative for an extended period of time and blog about it. This time, I was not even tempted. Perhaps the "Cranky" in "Cranky Fitness" makes sponsors think I need a laxative? For the record: nope, I get plenty o' fiber from all those fruits, veggies, grains, and other whole foods. I may complain about 'em, but I eat 'em.

Do any other bloggers or blog visitors have silly internet secrets or confessions? Do spill!

How Did I Get Here?

(Image: 姒儿喵喵)

In case you were thinking the title of this post was some deep philosophical or theological question... Um, nope.

This is Cranky Fitness after all. Depending upon our personal proclivities, we're more likely to be ruminating on scantily clad Italian soccer players,



or buffed female Olympic swimmers,


or cupcakes.


We're not all that big on philosophical or theological exploration.

So the title "How Did I Get Here?" just refers to the perplexed reaction some people must have upon arriving at Cranky Fitness, given the curious and sometimes amusing google searches that led them to click on our link.

And yes, almost every other blogger on the planet has done this post already, but I haven't yet, and always wanted to and time is running out! Looking at the stats and finding out who's visiting and how they found you--it's one of those secret fun things about having a blog, even if it's really hard to explain to normal people at cocktail parties.

Anyway, the weird thing is not just that some of these recent searches are quirky; it's that they led someone here, to our little cranky home. Did the person who came here looking for "Big poo in ladies public toilet" find what they were looking for in the Cranky Fitness archives?

I kind of hope not.

Some searches are totally on target, and I always love seeing a question we can help with. If you're trying to discover "is 1 simple rule a scam" or hunting down "kuru shoe review"? No problem, we're here for you! But many searchers are not so lucky.

Of course one category of Cranky mis-googling is entirely my fault: those coming from Falsely Salacious Keywords. I once wrote a post on sports bras and liberally sprinkled around terms like "Great Big Bouncy Breasts," and even though that was years ago, "big bouncy breasts" still generates a fairly respectable number of hits every day. It boggles the mind how anyone could get here with that query, since the post, being old and irrelevant, must be on page 248,321 of the breast-related google search results. Big breast seekers are apparently a very determined bunch.

So here, arranged by category, are a few random searches from the last few weeks that brought folks to this blog:

Sorry, wish we could help!
Some offbeat queries make me wish Cranky Fitness actually did have some useful information on the topic in question:

Free sex romance movies
magical weight loss
elliptical machine bubble butt
80’s aerobic porn
exercise videos for lazy people
Kirstie goes beserk
Sex and the country lady
evil blender poems
Brad pitt’s butt
Doctoral degrees that earn big bucks
Cranky yoga pants
Aerobic oops
Drill sergeant love

Not So Sorry!
But others just make me think: eww, go away:

2 girls chased in gym porn
embarrassing pictures of girls
Afv Pull underwear down video
Absolutely free bouncing breast
Dyke gym teacher showers
Adult drinking breast milk
Housesitting coworker cheating sex
Don’t wash I’m coming home
fitness teen sex
bit tits, white girls
crossfit porn
fat ass pussy girls model
women penis size
Breast milk is gross

The Apparent Death of Introspection:
And then there's the category of: Is google really the best place to ask this question? It makes you wonder what people think google is, exactly.

Am I naked?
can I get rid of all my belongings and start over?
can I put carrots on my salad?
can I quit the gym?
Why do i look so young naked?
What can I change about myself to make next year better?
What motivates me?

And, Um, Why do you Ask?
Then there are the searches that seem to suggest a curious, disturbing, or intriguing back-story behind the question:

“chia" seeds "stolen"
Can a dog overdose on splenda?
fat acceptance salad
can your earlobes die
earlobe serial killers
furman eat to live gas
unusual vaginas
braces boyfriend circumcised
burn notice flavor of yogurt
turkey weight loss training
Big breasts with fish oil
fall of bellydancing is hard to handle
chin hairs Czech women
can you sit by the window and not get rickets
calling in sick at sears
when your cat thinks its in charge
fish oil on booty

And I'd be curious to hear what other bloggers find brings folks to their own sites. Do you get interesting search terms?

Or, if you don't have a blog, you can still play a voyeuristic google games. The Bloggess tipped me off to one: type in the beginnings of a search into google, then see what the auto-complete suggestions are for finishing your question. These are presumably the most popular inquiries, and yet... hmm. Innocuous beginnings like "why are..." or "is my..." may lead in unpredictable directions. You can also throw in a celebrity's name: "Does Oprah..." "Is Sarah Palin ..." and see what issues people are wondering about. (And if you figure out whether Oprah really has 6 toes per foot or not, let me know okay?))

And does anyone remember how they got here to Cranky Fitness in the first place?

Cranky Fitness: It's Been a Blast, Folks

Photo: Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton

So at the end of this month, I'm afraid we're going to call it quits at Cranky Fitness.

Jo and Gigi still have very fine blogs of their own, so be sure to pop over to Chunky Monkey Mama or Head Nurse or perhaps the Wednesday Whine to see what they're up to. And don't forget to check in with our other beloved Cranky Emeritus, Merry, who blogs at Sheesh.

But as much as I've enjoyed hanging out at Cranky Fitness for the last few years, I've decided I'm ready to retire from the blogosphere.

So what's the deal with that? And what happens next? Well, since I haven't done a blog interview in a while, perhaps I'll interview myself to get some answers to these and other Frequently Asked Totally Made Up Questions.

So Crabby, why are you quitting?

Two main reasons: 1. An unexpected job opportunity came up; and 2. I'm finding it harder and harder to do a decent job of blogging anymore, which is making it less fun. There are plenty of things I can be lame at that pay actual money; blogging has to be about the Fun.

After several years of writing posts, I find I'm really struggling to say anything new. Lately I've been making the same points and the same jokes over and over. I've been putting up increasingly crappy posts that I don't enjoy reading myself. I used to be willing to take a clunky, unfunny draft and rewrite it a bunch of times until it was better--now I just say the hell with it and post it anyway.

But How Can You Just Quit? Won't You Miss Us?

Oh God Yes!!

This is the hardest thing about giving up the blog. I love this community of bloggers, readers, and commenters. (And of course my awesome cobloggers, past and present). The Cranky Community is the reason I've been hanging on to the blog for as long as I have. If you could all just write the posts for me? We'd be set.

I've always thought the best thing about Cranky Fitness was the comments. You folks are witty, honest, perceptive, deep, diplomatic, unpredictable, and sometimes you just plain blow me away. Many of you have become true friends over the years, and it's really, really hard to think of not "hearing" your thoughts and opinons every day.

Will you still be around the internet, reading our blogs and commenting and tweeting? Or are you going to turn into a hermit-crab and just disappear?

I'll probably take an internet break for a while, but I'll pop up sooner or later. I may be in lurk mode for a while before I start commenting again. And I'm not sure what I want to do about Twitter. I suspect I'll let it lapse, then come back in few months full of silly stuff to say and craving an audience. Twitter may be perfect for that. So, um, please don't Unfollow me yet!

So does this mean there won't be a "Cranky Fitness" anymore after February?

Actually, there will still be a Cranky Fitness. After a bit of a break, I plan to come back and organize things so it's less like a blog a more like a health and fitness resource. I'm also hoping to occasionally post new content, or at least let you know what I'm up to. But there won't be regular weekday blog posts anymore.

The goal will be to make Cranky Fitness more accessible by topic, because there's a crapload of information in the archives that many newer readers may have missed and older readers may have forgotten. (You know how you are.) Got a question about the nutritional benefits of pistachios, or wonder what you should do if you're caught outdoors in a thunderstorm? Well, we got answers, but right now they're pretty impossible to find.

So if you guys aren't quitting until the end of the month, why are you telling us this now? Why not just slip off gracefully in a final post? Like, are we supposed to say goodbye now? But then you'll be back posting again for a few more weeks and won't it all seem a little awkward?

Yeah, it's a little weird. But I'm lousy at keeping secrets, and I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of a one-post goodbye, even though it makes for a classier exit. This blog has meant too much to me to just pop in one day and say "bye, it's over!"

As to when to say good bye; anytime is good! I always read comments that come in, so you can stop by now or later. Or you can even go back to a 2 year old post about fish oil and bid us farewell there.

This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever made... I will totally miss hanging with you all at this weird little blog that's come to mean so much to me.

No lie: Cranky Fitness readers are better than chocolate cake.

Photo: Plan 59

The Future of Cranky Fitness?

Crabby, before you take off?
The Venusians want you to review their new power bars.
(Photo: Plan 59)

So in case anyone missed yesterday's understated announcement, my co-blogger Merry Sunshine has indeed left Cranky Fitness.

Want the inside scoop about what Merry's really like, why she quit, how I feel about it, and what happens next for the blog? Hold on to your hats, it's quite a story!

You may have thought from her posts that Merry was funny, clever, creative, reliable, scholarly, and reasonable. But the real, behind-the-scenes truth? Merry Sunshine...

is actually very funny, clever, creative, scholarly, and reasonable. Plus she's warm, generous, understanding, endlessly flexible, and awesomely amusing. She was an absolute pleasure to blog with, and she will be sorely missed.

So did you ever notice that even when Merry seemed to be blogging about literature, or philosophy, or some other high-brow subject, she was still slipping in loads of health information, inspiration, and clever puns? Well, that doesn't happen by accident! (Unless maybe there were a series of freakish high-speed space/time collisions between Merry, her computer, Shakespeare, Einstein, and the New England Journal of Medicine?)

No, it wasn't accidental. These blog posts actually take a fair amount of time to write, and after blogging here for almost two years, Merry decided she'd could use some of that time back for use in her actual life. Fortunately, Merry is still blogging at Sheesh, so you can still catch her on the web.

Just not here anymore.

Heck, I'm a grown up. I can accept the fact that someone who has a demanding full time job, and her own great blog, might one day decide to stop putting in endless hours at an irreverent health blog for practically no money.

So, after careful consideration, how did I react?

Photo: tacitrequiem

Yeah. Okay, maybe not so grown up. I'm seriously bummed.


But the good news is...

We have two new great co-bloggers coming to join us!

The first to arrive will be Jo from Head Nurse and The Wednesday Whine, and I'm totally psyched. I'd been admiring her writing for ages, and was totally shocked when she actually agreed to come aboard.

Well, I did try to sell the blog a bit. I told her Cranky Fitness gets 7 million hits a week, and that I just signed Michelle Obama to co-blog with us.

Hey Crabby, it's Michelle...
What? 1,000 words on organics?
No problem, you got it!

Oh, and I also may have mentioned that "Cranky Fitness, the Musical" had just been optioned for Jo to star in along with George Clooney, Mathew McConaughey, and Colin Firth. They play some of the interns we employ here to do research, screen email, bring us blueberry smoothies, and massage our tired calves after vigorous workouts.

I'm sure Jo won't mind discovering that these were slight exaggerations.

Now of course there are technological issues when it comes to starting up with a new blog, especially when you're working with a customized template. So we hope this works out, but we're not entirely sure the Cranky Fitness machinery will allow a new blog author to just jump in and start posting. The html gears might jam up, blowing the css gaskets and causing the whole blog to burst into flaming hrefs and onblurs and div styles.

Whoops!
Probably should have added a backslash.
(Photo: veo)

But assuming no blogsplosions, Jo should begin posting soon, perhaps by tomorrow.

Hooray!

And in other news...

Massive, Gargantuan, Big-Ass Giveaway Contest Coming!

So in about the third week of October I'll be heading off on my bi-annual cross country road trip. Yep, it's the great Provincetown to California schlep. So I'll be gone for several weeks, which means my posts will probably be a combination of "classics" (i.e., reruns), and trip photos. So thank goodness for co-bloggers with new stuff!

However... to make up for my own vacation posting lameness, I've been saving up a bunch of review and giveaway opportunities. And so there's going to be a multi-sponsor giveaway during the road trip, and the goal is to have enough prizes so that every Cranky Fitness reader who hangs in there and consistently comments on posts will win something, even if it's not a big prize. Is this possible? Well, I have no idea! No promises, I'm afraid. But so far, it's looking pretty good. And we have some very cool sponsors participating. Like remember the TRX suspension system and the way I hogged it for myself for a review rather than host a giveaway? Well, this time, it's a whole different story. Be sure to stay tuned for future details!


Got Ideas?

So as we head into a new era of Cranky Fitness, I may do some experimentation. Video? Twitter? Nude blogging? Who knows what could happen! But before I come up with some half-assed plan, is there anything that you, the readers, would like to see happen here? Seen another blog you admire run a kind of post I could steal? I'm on the lookout for fresh ideas, even if I may be too lazy to implement them. I'm all ears!

In closing, goodbye and good wishes, Merry! Welcome, Jo! And Thank You, readers, for continuing to support Cranky Fitness as it evolves!

Readers' Choice: Best Weight Loss Blogs

A few years ago we asked Cranky Fitness readers to let us know which were their favorite weight loss blogs.

As of 2012 the list was getting pretty darn old and many blogs had folded.

Sorry for the extra click, but please check out the New, Improved and Much More Current 2012 list of Best Weight Loss Blogs!

And thanks for visiting Cranky Fitness!

I Got Nothin'

So sorry!

I'm adding one more day to my "staycation" and will be back to regular health and fitness blogging Wednesday. I'm hoping my brain will accompany me. It seems to have gone missing.

Seen it? It looks sort of like this, only much messier.

I thought perhaps I would be back posting today, but without a brain it just didn't work! Somehow I seem have frittered away the short time I had to write an actual health and fitness post with a dozen false starts that were all complete crap.

Blog block! Blog block! Acck!!!

And now I have an actual job to show up to in the mornings, so if time runs out... time runs out.

I do sometimes worry that part of the problem is that I've said everything I have to say about health and fitness. Is there anything fresh left to gripe about? Perhaps it's getting to be time for Ol' Crabby to hang it up?

But then I remembered I went through almost the exact same thing last year and had a blog meltdown. But of course I didn't quit, because I am a narcissistic whiner who craves an audience I love blogging. And somehow, I still found plenty of things to whine about since then.

And while Cranky Fitness is still not much closer to becoming a book, or a Mega-blog, or a revenue-earning job as I'd hoped, I've still been mostly having a blast and I'm really glad I didn't quit back then. And I'm pretty darn sure I'm not ready to quit yet. But, well, I think I warned there might be some service interruptions this summer until the temporary jobs are over, and indeed that seems to be the case. Sorry! (Also, it was the Lobster's birthday celebration last night, and in the Grand Scheme of Things Lobsters always come first).

I did, however, manage to get a post up this morning at The Juice, because a deadline for someone else always seems to "count" more than one for yourself, doesn't it? So if you want a bit more crab today, stop by I'm rambling on about Kyra Sedgwick (of The Closer) and Green Things.

Anyway, I promise I'll get my act together Wednesday and get back to health and fitness. Thanks for your patience!

Do any other of you bloggers struggle with posting regularly, or does it always just flow?

You Gotta Have Friends

Photo: Loldogs

So as I've mentioned before, this week I've been taking time off from "normal" health blogging. (Which is why I've been throwing any old crap up here instead of health and fitness posts). Fortunately, clever and funny readers have come to the rescue with great observations about sucky jobs and manipulative pets! And again, thank goodness for Merry Sunshine on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

So why the blog-slacking? Well, it's because we have two sets of very good friends in town, as well as the Lobster's mom. Since some of these folks have traveled thousands of miles to be here, and they are all extremely fun to hang with, it seems a little silly for me to say "you guys go on without me, I have to blog." Most people are not all that familiar with the verb "to blog" anyway, and probably think I'm referring to some sort medical condition that requires me to gargle repeatedly or flush out my sinuses with saline or who knows what.

Yet the result is that by spending time with friends who are physically present, I'm missing my Internet Friends! I'm way behind on blog visits, and emails, and I hate being so lame. I'm one of those people who considers friendships with people I only know through pixels on a computer screen to be just as "real" as my friendships with physically-present people. You aren't all imaginary, are you? Please tell me you aren't!

My internet friendships have, over time, become an important part of my social network. There are too many to list them all, but, for example, I am absolutely certain I would not still be blogging without the behind-the-scenes support of Merry and Carla and Charlotte and the Bag Lady and POD and Dr. J. and Leah and Katieo. And I feel like I know so many of the people who regularly comment here! I wonder how people are doing with their new homes or lost jobs or gluten-free diets or medical recoveries or marathon training or Dorito cravings.

But sometimes it feels weird to admit this in the "real world." Anyone else? Like if you're talking to people "in real life," do you ever hesitate to bring up a story about a blog friend, even if it's totally relevant and hilarious, because you're afraid people will think you're socially retarded and don't get out enough? Plus, there's the name thing. "Oh, the exact same thing happened to this woman I know, the Bag Lady..."

Am I just weird, or do other people feel that online relationships are "real" and important too?

Oh, and speaking of "friends," I have to pass on this Sarah Haskins video, "Ladyfriends." Let the Madison Avenue folks show us women what our friendships are supposed to be about: products!

Staycation

Photo: Awful Library Books
(More on that in a moment!)

So I have a crazy-busy week coming up (with friends and relatives in town and blah blah blah), and so will probably not be putting up "normal" Cranky Fitness posts until next week. It's sort of going to be like one of those weeks when I'm traveling and I put up guest posts to cover for me? Except, um, without the guest posts to cover for me.

I'll still try to put something up on "my" days (MWF), but it may be just a thought for the day, or a short item, or a video, or who knows, maybe a "previously aired" Cranky Fitness episode! Warning: content may have nothing whatever to do with health and fitness.

But things will return to normal shortly. We have some great giveaways coming up and I haven't forgotten about the list of Reader Favorite Weight loss blogs. Just maybe not this week. (And, yet again, thank goodness for Merry Sunshine!)

Anyway, today's experiment in non-standard Cranky Fitness blog topics: Is there anything about your job that drives you totally nuts? Because I came across some great in-the-trenches gripes from a flight attendant, a nurse, and a pair of librarians, and it occurred to me that probably a lot of you have stories to share as well! (Stay at home parents included, because that is one of the hardest jobs out there). So far, it's too early for me to hate anything about my new jobs yet, but I'll keep you posted.

The Friendly Skies?

Over at Lemondrop, a flight attendant shares a list of her top ten annoying-passenger gripes.

These include: "Leaving Your Headphones on While Ordering," and, my personal favorite (in that it would make me want to quit my job as an airline attendant that very minute, not that as a flight-phobic neurotic I would ever take such a job in the first place): "Handing Me Dirty Diapers."


Things That Would Make Me Nurse a Grudge

The blog "Head Nurse" has an awesome insider's take on the nursing life, and Jo is hilarious. Got a sick relative? She has some helpful guidelines for hospital visitors, including:

"Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not take out Mama's drains. Even if you are a physician." And, "the hospital is not the best place to have a bench-clearing brawl over who gets what out of Grandma's attic."


Got Awful Books in Your Library?

The blog Awful Library Books cracks me up. Since I just took a library job myself, I hear conversations about "weeding," and now I know why it's a really good idea! If you don't peruse the collection occasionally and throw stuff out, you end up with items like:




They take submissions of books that are still on library shelves, but they don't embarrass the particular libraries by naming names. I'm sure the Awesome Provincetown Public Library does not have anything amusingly hideous to submit, as they are very conscientious about "weeding," but I shall keep my eyes out just in case something has slipped through the cracks. (Thanks, A.S.).

So do you all love everything about your jobs? Or is there anything that makes you grouchy?

Weight Loss Blogs: Kickin' Ass and Takin' Names

"Inspiration" Back Before There Were Blogs
(Vintage ad photo: lobstar28)

Cranky Fitness is not actually a Weight Loss blog, though we write about lots of similar things. Our editorial stance: healthy living, eating reasonable portions of nutritious whole foods, getting lots of vigorous exercise, avoiding too much junk food and slothfulness--these are all really important things to do! And yet they are also total pain in the ass.

As it happens, the same tempting but unwise behaviors that cause health problems (hello, comfy couch and yummy pint of Ben and Jerry's!) also tend to cause weight gain. So we cover a lot of the same ground as a weight loss blog without technically being one. (And this is not to say that we have never counted a calorie, climbed on a scale, or noted the snugness or looseness of our jeans. We just try to keep the focus here on health.)

However, I thought it was time for a post in praise of weight loss blogs, because I think they are so inspiring and awesome!

And I'm also hoping you folks will help me collect a big ol' list of Cranky Fitness Reader favorites so we can do a follow-up post. You always find the greatest stuff out there on the web and I'd love to hear what you think some of the best ones are. I'm only mentioning a few random ones myself to get the ball rolling--if I tried to be all-inclusive I could be at it for weeks and still forget some of the best ones!


So what are my top reasons for loving weight loss blogs?

1. Before and After Pictures!

(Photo: practicalowl)

I love to see the evidence of physical transformations, especially when these transformations are accomplished by hard work and wise choices--and not via scammy "one rule for a flat stomach" shenanigans.

A personal favorite is Pasta Queen's 3-D page, but there are lots of other great "before" and "after" and "during" photos out there. (For example Shelley has a nice 1 year comparison shot featuring a flashy pink bike over at at A Forty Something Weight Loss Journey, and Bella at Feed Me I'm Cranky has some labelled "before and forever," because what does "after" really mean, anyway?)

Got some before/after pictures yourself? If you do, please feel free to email them in (with a link to your blog, if you have one) and if we get more than one or two I'll add them to the follow-up post.

2. Honest Ups and Downs

Some days, I just don't think I can take one more stupid women's magazine at the grocery check-stand screaming silly promises like "Lose 20 Pounds in 3 Weeks Without Dieting, It's Easy!" Well, it's not easy to lose weight and keep it off. And I hate it when the perky people in the magazines try to imply that it's just a matter of finding the right "solution" and then, presto! Steamed chicken and vegetables is all of a sudden more appealing than chocolate cake? Setting the alarm for 4:3o am to get to the gym before work is going to become a fun new part of the daily routine? Reeeeally?

Well, fortunately, weight-loss bloggers aren't media-created alien beings, they're real people. They sometimes sleep through shrieking alarm clocks dreaming of Krispy Kremes instead of boot camp, and hit all kinds of other road blocks.

Whether it's Lyn from Escape from Obesity trying to regain her focus; Vraz60 of Just for the Hell-th of it suffering through a golf game in suffocating heat; Moonlight Dancer battling hormone induced weight gain; or Larkspur at Am I Really That Fat trying to hang in there despite confronting an unflattering photo, they keep it real! There's a refreshing lack of fake magazine cheerfulness in weight loss blogs. Some days just suck! Honest weight loss bloggers don't pretend otherwise.

3. They're often Really Funny!

I don't know why people who are blogging to lose weight seem better at the whole humor thing that people blogging about, say, Search Engine Optimization or Quilting or Composting. But dang it, they are! And it's not just the famous ones we all love like Shauna at Diet Girl. There are plenty of other funny blogs like Jack Sh*t, Getting Fit, or Chunky Monkey Mama. And so many of you who contribute comments to Cranky Fitness are totally hilarious!

4. Advice and Inspiration

Weight loss bloggers are a great source for advice, inspiration, and, of course, products and recipes! (I am sorely tempted, for example, by Camevil's lentil, brown rice, and onion dish over at 21 Days Later, and I'm going to try it as soon as I can get a hold of some garam masala. And Roni of Roni's Weigh has a whole recipe blog called Green Lite Bites with all kinds of great stuff.) Bloggers like Attrice at Exceptionally Fat, and Lynn at Hungry Little Caterpillar have a great way of putting things in perspective, and sharing those "ah ha" moments that can inspire even the slackers among us into believing that change is possible!


Tell Us Some of Your Favorites!

This post is about Weight Loss bloggers (this time), rather than health and fitness generally, and I'd LOVE to hear who you like to read. And I'll either update this post or do a follow up to make sure everyone gets to hear about the Cranky Fitness Reader favorites.


Geeky Aside: Wanna Leave a Link in the comments to your favorite blog?

Blogger is a really annoying blog platform for trying to leave links in the comment section, and you certainly don't have to. But if you ever want to try it, it CAN be done if you manually put in html coding.

Do the words "html coding" give you a severe case of nausea? Fear not! The reason so few of us bloggers ever tell readers how to do it is (a) it's a pain to do and (b) if we try to type in the code to explain it--the sample html magically turns into a link when it gets published and totally hides the part we're trying to explain.

So, in a weird experiment, I'm putting in the html coding for creating links in here as a picture. So here are the instructions for linking to a hypothetical blog named "Blog Name" that lives at www.blogurl.com. If anyone is feeling brave, give it a try! Or bookmark this page and come back later and try it on another blog you like better than Cranky Fitness. I'll never know. Note: href is not supposed to be underlined; that was my word processing program scolding me for typing in weird-ass nonsense words.

And I won't say "it's easy" because that would be a lie!

Any thoughts about weight loss blogs or any you'd like to put in a plug for? I'd love to hear about more of them!

Nattering Nablogs of Negativism

Image credit: Mike Licht

The fitness is cranky around here, but the people aren't. Or at least, the commenters aren't.

I love the comments on Cranky Fitness. Not only are the comments intelligent, but they make me think or they make me laugh. Sometimes both. And the comments are almost uniformly positive, which is not the case with all blogs. (Some blogs, you'd think they recruited their commenters from Rent-a-mob, complete with pitchforks and torches.)

So that's probably why I remember so clearly that we got one semi-negative comment a couple months ago. By the standards of most blogs it barely registered on the neg-o-meter, but it stands out in my memory because it was so rare.

And it got me thinking. (Yes, that does happen occasionally.) But don't panic!

For some reason, when I do this:

Photo: Euthman

People react thusly:

Image: Oddsock

So I'll keep this brief. Here's my thought: I don't see the point of leaving a negative comment on a blog.



If I read something that isn't as interesting as I thought it was going to be, I move on. I don't stop and tell the person that I don't like what they're writing. (Please believe me, the comment that started this train of thought wasn't all that terribly negative a comment. It just got me thinking.)

I have a little blog (Sheesh) that I use to track daily exercise. It's not wildly exciting to read, but I find it a useful way to guilt myself into exercising. About a year ago, someone left a comment to tell me that they had just wasted three minutes of their time reading one of my posts. I calculated that he or she also wasted an additional minute, or even two, to write that comment and send it in. Was it really worth their time? Why bother?

I follow the blog written by an expatriate Britisher now living in San Francisco. One day, someone wrote in to say, "Your blog is still boring." Somehow, I can't seem to forget that comment. I mean, someone came to her blog, read it, found it boring and went away. Fine so far. Why did they come back? And when they came back, why did they feel it necessary to tell the woman that they found her boring?

I can't imagine any scenario in which they thought this could be considered a helpful comment, or any way in which this could be construed as an attempt to start a constructive debate. The only conclusion I can reach is that it felt good on their part to express their contempt.

Why go to someone else's blog to do that? Seriously, this I don't get. You want to write about things that bother you, create your own blog. Fill it with all the things that irritate you. Maybe it will become popular and lots of people will flock to your blog to read about everything you hate. Hey, the man who wrote the blog Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About went on to write an entire book on the subject.

I mean, there are loads of things you can do:

• Read about things that irritate other people.


• Write about the irritating noises that women's shoes make.


• Do the dishes, but in an irritating way.


• Perform a research study to determine the Top 3 Things that Irritate Australians.


• Join the French Foreign Legion. Go to foreign climes and annoy people there.


• Think up irritating things to tell a vegan.

And if all else fails, write a comedy sketch about how to irritate people:



Am I overreacting here? Why do people leave non-constructive negative comments on a blog? Is it fun? Does it ease the frustration of reading something that you didn't enjoy? Is there a secret society out there that goes around leaving negative comments in an attempt to destabilize modern society? What gives?

Apologies to William Safire for twisting his words to suit my title.

Stuff I Meant to Mention

Sometimes I accumulate various items or links I want to pass on to you guys, but I can't quite squeeze them into regular posts and have them make any sense.

I used to do something called "Random Friday," which was a great place for miscellaneous links. But then, somehow, "Random Friday" turned into a monster, one that constantly needed to be fed.

But if Random Friday were this cute a monster,
I'd probably go ahead and feed it.

(Drawing by Dylan)

Unfortunately, if I had two things I needed to say, I couldn't just have a whole "Random Friday" post with 2 paragraphs in it! That would look weird. So instead I'd spend hours and hours surfing the net, goofing off, all justified in my mind with the idea that I was "just looking for "Random Friday" ideas.

Best not to bring back that tradition, methinks. Instead, how about I just pass on the actual things I wanted to tell you about this week?

Blog You Must Check Out

First off, here's a hilarious blog that you folks probably already know about, but I was late finding. (Or quite possibly I found it, liked it, and failed to bookmark it, which happens quite frequently and I really should get all set up in a feed reader but I'm too stubborn and there are too many blogs that would need to go on there so better to have nothing that something imperfect, right?) Anyway, the blog is called Chunky Monkey Mama. It's all good, but be sure to check out Gigi's awesome review of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred DVD.


Moms and Daughters and Body Image:

I had to double-check my calendar that I hadn't inadvertently missed Mother's day, because there are 3 items with this theme!

1. Remember the Dark Dirty Secrets of a Dietician post from last week? Well, Marsha and the other bloggers over at Green Mountain at Fox Run are running a blogging contest about mothers, daughters, and body image. And you know what you could win? A week at Green Mountain! If you are a blogger, you might want to check it out.

2. For those of you who are Blogher members (or want to join), there is voting going on right now about whether to have a panel at their conference this summer called "Blogs & Body Image: What are we teaching our kids?".

So why would a childless crab care enough one way or the other to mention this? Well, not only is a great subject, but the awesome MizFit and others you may be familiar with (like Steph from Back in Skinny Jeans and Roni from Roni's Weigh and some other great bloggers) will be on the panel, if they can get enough votes to have it. See more details over at Mizfit's place.

(And speaking of Blogher... yes, I heard your anguished cries and finally figured out how to disable the Floating Layers ads. I think. Let me know if they reappear.)

3. Dara Chadwick, whom many of you may remember from her blog and her great comments on many other blogs, has a new book coming out that also deals with mothers and daughters and body image. It looks great! It's called: You'd Be So Pretty If...

Charlotte at The Great Fitness Experiment has a review and giveaway, and you can read all about the book at Dara's website.

Silly Animal Video

OK, some old Random Friday habits die hard...


Fed Up from shots Mag on Vimeo.

Cranky Fitness Declares A New Holiday!

No, this new holiday is not in honor of taxes being due. That's a sucky reason for a holiday.

Nor is it a celebration of this being the Two Year Anniversary of Cranky Fitness.

Photo: Valerie Reneé

But it is somewhat related to the fact I've been blogging for two solid years--and have spent a boatload of hours in front of a computer monitor, nearly motionless and hunched over writing about the need for us all to go out and get some exercise.

So here at Cranky Fitness we are rechristening April 15 as:

National Get Off Your Ass Day!!

Seriously, I don't need you sitting on me all day.
Photo credit: coscurro

Now this doesn't mean you have to go out and do anything strenuous (though that might be very good for you).

Here's all you need to do to celebrate this new Holiday: if you are sitting in a chair and have been stationary for more than say, a half hour: STAND UP! STRETCH FOR A SECOND! YES, THAT MEANS YOU, MAGGOT!

Whoops, don't know what got into me!

OK, you can sit down now. That wasn't so hard, was it?

Over at That's Fit, Bev directed me to a very helpful Chicago Tribune article detailing the many reasons that sitting in a chair for long periods of time is bad for you.

Among them... "Sitting puts nearly twice the stress on the spine as standing; slouching while you sit increases the pressure even more." Also, "the disks in our vertebrae are important shock absorbers. When we're locked in one position, we're starving the disks of nutrients...there's no vascular or nerve supply to the disks; they get their nutrition through movement...if we're not moving, everything stagnates."

And who wants a stagnant spine? There were a whole bunch of other bad things too, like blod clots and flabby butts.

Suggestions for preventing problems include simple things like standing up every 15 to 30 minutes and clasping your hands behind your back, as well as more challenging endeavors like switching to a treadmill desk.

Now normally I might plagiarize pass on more of these suggestions, but you know what? I think I'll keep this a short post for once. Instead, go check out the relevant articles at That's Fit or the Tribune. Or better yet, take Rupal's awesome cartoon diagnostic posture test over at 101 Exercises!

Because I'm going to celebrate the Cranky Fitness second Blogiversary, as well as National Get Off Your Ass day, by... getting off my own ass and out of my desk chair for a good part of the day!

Note: thank you ALL, awesome readers, commenters, guest posters, followers, Stumblers, friendly bloggers, most wonderful co-blogger Merry Sunshine, and everyone else, for a wonderful two years!!!!

Oh, and speaking of Merry, don't worry, I haven't had her kidnapped and stashed away just because she's been consistently writing better posts than mine and showing me up. I'm used to that. She's been on a blog break and should be back soon.

So do any of you find yourselves sitting for long periods of time, or are you pretty good about taking little stand-up-and-stretch breaks every now and then?