Quick Trick for Preventing Emotional Meltdowns

image: wikipedia

By Crabby McSlacker

So this is a "Quick Trick" in that it doesn't take too long to implement it, but as usual, I wrote a long-ass blog post to provide some context for it. As regulars know, I am pretty much incapable of getting straight to the point.

And the usual disclaimer applies: this may only work for me and my odd brain.

Plus it's only a shortcut to help you access all the emotional regulation skills you've already mastered as a thoughtful, responsible, adult human. If you don't have them to start with, and you've been blowing off all that personal growth and/or therapy stuff your entire life, it probably ain't gonna work.

It's basically a metaphorical tool I've been using to create an almost instantaneous mindshift in difficult situations. Simplistic and goofy? Sure! But I find it really helps. And there's even a fitness angle too, so I thought I'd pass it along here.

On Being a Horse’s Ass at the Gym

As part of an ongoing quest to experience more bliss and de-stressify the twisted circuitry of my cranky brain, I'm trying to get less pissed off about stuff. As it happens, the gym is a great laboratory for experimentation.

The gym is awesome because there are so many potential annoyances! I won’t even attempt to list them all. But current highlights include the constantly clogged toilets in the women’s restrooms, and meathead bodybuilders who, in order to prove their manliness, feel compelled to screw down the knobs on “adjustable” equipment so tightly that dynamite sticks are required in order to change the settings.

There is also the issue of my mental state when I arrive at the gym...

...which is fully caffeinated and amped for action.

Approximate size of Crabby's coffee cup:

Approximate strength of the coffee within:

The great aspect of this neurochemical “javactivation” is that it pumps up my motivation and endurance, gets me through strength training (ick), and makes for lovely little lightning bolts of euphoria as I dance on the elliptical to the pounding rhythms of my very odd playlist.

The downside of my hyper-aroused state? Minor irritations can easily explode into major rushes of self-righteous indignation.

The most heinous offense of late:  It’s the godawful television sets they’ve installed in the locker rooms, cranked up to high volume.

So I arrive in my own little cloud of pleasantly jittery pre-workout self-absorption and go to stow my stuff in a locker so I can start flailing and sweating, and I am brutally yanked from my anticipatory reverie by a sudden burst of senseless noise.

It could be the forced laughter of a talk show host sucking up to a celebrity with the IQ of a rutabaga, or the hysterical screeching of a game show contestant who just won a trip to Tahiti, or the braying of an infomercial pitchman trying to get me to buy a cat umbrella or an inflatable SUV or an electric toe jam remover. Whatever it is, it's pretty much guaranteed to be something unwelcome.

Unless they're broadcasting a public service announcement telling me precisely how to avoid being vaporized in an imminent alien attack?  I think the TV should shut the hell up. My reflexive emotional response to a blaring tv set that I have not turned on myself is: an uncontrollable surge of exasperation.

My next response is to scowl and sigh, and then I write irate letters in my head to the management and start imaginary worldwide Facebook campaigns to banish all public televisions (as opposed to Public Television, which can be annoying too with all those pledge drives but at least has stuff like Downton Abbey) and then I peer up at the tv set placed high on the wall above and wonder, if no one else happens to be around, if should try to clamber up on the lockers and try to find an off button and risk an awkward scene should an employee walk in unexpectedly, or if I'm not alone I might make a whiny comment about it to anyone who looks similarly irked. (And FYI, folks at the 24 Hour Fitness in Hillcrest, San Diego: the vast majority of women's locker room visitors polled HATE THE FREAKIN' TV! However it's possible there could be some sampling error due to the somewhat crazed demeanor of the particular pollster seeking opinions on this question).

On several occasions I've voiced my irritation to the personnel at the front desk (all very nice folks), and sometimes it's resulted in a reduction in volume and sometimes not.

But the last time I did this, I had an epiphany as I walked from the front desk toward my favorite elliptical machine.  It occurred roughly at the same moment I pulled out my mp3 player, put on my headphones and selected my current playlist:

Holy Crap what an asshole I am!

Are you ahead of me here?

I'd been creating this incredible drama in my head around my own irritation, repeating it over and over, day after day, and yet the answer was pretty simple:

Put your headphones on and pump up your music on BEFORE you go into the locker room, Crabby, if the TV bothers you that much. Moron!

And so I started doing that and voila!  Problem solved.

It does make me wonder though, how many other situations I could have avoided getting all riled up had I looked for solutions instead of getting distracted by my own sense of righteousness and weirdly personal sense of values. (Mindless TV is bad! Gyms shouldn't be hot! People shouldn't bring crying infants into movie theaters!)  I suspect there were lots of missed opportunities for happiness had I looked beyond my own view of how the world "should" be and just adjusted my behavior or expectations accordingly.

Sometimes it's as easy as asking myself "do you want to be all angry and annoyed? Do you like this feeling?" (Though unfortunately, sometimes the answer to these question seems to be "yes" and it takes a long freakin' time to let go of whatever it is. But weirdly enough, when the answer is a heartfelt "No!" I find I'm getting better at moving on).

Anyway, I'm sure I'll keep on being an asshole a lot of the time, as I've had 5 decades of practice, but I'm hoping I'll at least try to look beyond my own easily inflamed sense of indignation a little more often.

EXCITING UPDATE: So whaddya know?  On my last two visits to the gym the locker room TV's had been turned off!!!  Thank you, 24 Hour Fitness in Hillcrest, San Diego! 


Also, clever reader Lynn suggested this delightfully evil potential solution: the TV-Be-Gone!

How about you guys, anyone else find sources of irritation connected to working out? Or have other ideas for un-pissing yourself off?

Picture Credits:
Horse's Ass: deflam
Big Coffee Cup: abu
Strong coffee: sh0dan

Treadmill Rage

This Guest Post was written by Charlotte Anderson over at The Great Fitness Experiment, which as many of you have discovered is one of the best fitness blogs on the planet. Charlotte also blogs at Huffington Post and she's been on TV and seems generally to be headed for a Bright Shiny Future. I can't help but find myself insanely jealous filled with admiration! And today she has a fun Quiz for us. Enjoy!--Crabby


Guest Post by Charlotte Anderson

You've heard of "road rage." But have you, or anyone you love, been a victim of Treadmill Rage? Have you ever felt a murderous impulse rise as you watch the two giggling teens monopolize your favorite machines for an hour without even having the decency to break a sweat? Take this test to find out!

1. Have you ever fantasized about chucking a dumbbell at someone on the weight floor?

• Was it a slow-moving grandpa or a confused lifting newbie? -5 points.
• Was it a meathead carefully monopolizing every piece of equipment on the weight floor (signaled by him placing exactly one item of his squarely in the middle of each bench and then walking territorially around the room surveying his domain)? +1 point, +3 if you actually hit him.

2. Have you ever had the urge to stick your arm out and clothesline someone running on the track?

• Were you bitter just because they are faster than you? 0 points just for considering it (we're human after all) -3 points if you actually did it. You jerk.
• Was said runner passing you on the inside? While screaming "Outta my way, I'm doing Fartleks!!"? Did she catch you with an elbow? +1 point for fantasizing, +5 if you actually throw your arm out - congratulations, you just made the world a safer place. You're like Superman. Someone give you a medal. And a cape.

3. Your favorite cardio equipment is taken. Do you:

• Find something else to get your heartrate up? +3 for being flexible - yogis have nothing on you.
• Sigh loudly & tap your feet while looking impatiently from your watch to the display on their machine? 0 points if the display reads 0:03:42. You want your own machine? Buy one. +1 points if the display reads 0:47:21. They're obviously going the full hour. Nobody stops on a "weird" number. +5 points if the display reads 3:25:54 and you give them a pamphlet on exercise bulimia - you good citizen, you.

4. The girl at the front of your aerobics class is obviously new and lost.

• Is she just using the mirror to do her hair? +1 for staring, hoping she gets the hint to actually move her body. It's cardio Barbie. +2 if you run up to "help" her and then style her as a Muppet. The whole class will thank you.
• Do you ignore her? 0 points. You're no hero but at least you refrained from rolling your eyes at your friend. In the mirror.
• Do you give her a little encouragement during the water break and maybe help her nail that tricky part because, hey, at least she's making the effort to exercise? +4 points. Can I be in your classes??
• Do you Carefully move up on her until you're breathing down her neck so she knows she's in your space? -3 points. It's not your spot. You don't have a spot. Nobody does except the teacher. And dogs. And then laugh loudly every time she makes a mistake? -10 points. You sociopath.

The Cure

Treadmill Rage is common. We've all felt it. Hopefully we didn't act on it (unless you have a really good reason, see list above). But giving in to your violent impulses really won't increase your calorie burn. Much.

Do you know what is much harder? Being nice. For some reason it doesn't come naturally to most of us, especially if we (ahem, me) are competitive. But being kind and forgiving is actually much better for your health. Besides adding up to 5 years to your life (see? You'll outlive all those jerks! That'll teach 'em!! Oh, wait...), being chill helps ease depression & anxiety while helping you heal faster from surgery, increasing your life satisfaction and giving you a happier outlook on life.

For a great example check out what this biker does when confronted with inconsiderate drivers (thanks for tip TJ!!). Truly this is a great story and if nothing else will help you pay more attention to who's in the crosswalk. He's one creative and gutsy dude:)

Tell me if you've ever been a victim or perpetrator of Treadmill Rage! Don't worry we won't judge or laugh. Much. ;)

Elections are all the rage these days...

Photos from Michi1308 and uhuru1701

So.

The way I look at it, by the end of the day there are going to be a lot of angry Americans out there whoever wins the election. (Maybe also a lot of angry Canadians, Brazilians, Lichtensteiners, and such.)

CNN warns that being angry can be bad for your health ... cardiovascular problems, lung issues, nasty stuff. They recommend breathing exercises to help you calm down. That's great if it works, but sometimes it's like taking deep breaths when you're trying to get to sleep -- it becomes actively irritating.

Psychology Today had an interesting article on anger: "If Anger Helps You Feel in Control, No Wonder You Can't Control Your Anger!"

I liked that article, and it got me thinking. The Old Merry used to use food or drink as ways to deal with frustration. Crunching carrots is great in a lot of respects, but it just doesn't have the same effect when you're having a bad day.

Having a bad day? Scrub!

I read a book on organizing my life, and it talked about using cleaning as therapy, suggesting cleaning out a drawer or cleaning the bathroom as useful outlets when upset. I tried this, and it's a pretty good way to vent when you're having a bad day. Kinda like the old slogan: "If you want to understand a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, even if you still don't understand the man, you're a mile away and have his shoes."Even if cleaning doesn't completely dispel the anger, it provides an outlet for your feelings plus you've got a clean bathtub.

Suddenly I understand my sister the Total Neat Freak. That was how she controlled her environment, using Chlorox to drown every subversive germ out there into submission.

How to go from anger to Goodwill

When you're righteously pissed off it is a lot easier to get rid of clutter. For one thing, if the driving emotion coursing through your system is an overwhelming sense of anger, you're much less likely to feel the possessive clinginess of insecurity. That's when it's easier to donate those old jeans that don't really suit you any more. Let them go.

A variant on this might be to put the jeans into the Goodwill box, then not actually take the box to Goodwill until you've calmed down. The ancient Medes and Persians were reputed to debate matters twice -- once when they were drunk and once when they were sober -- before coming to a decision. A modern version, with less empty calories, might be to try the angry/calm idea instead.

Why not vent at the gym?

It's much healthier to expend your frustration on defenseless mildew in the bathroom or a messy closet than it is to bury your emotions in food or drink. Better still would be to work out your frustration in exercise, but if that's not an option for some reason, try cleaning!

What do you do when you're angry? Yell? Demand a recount? Stomp your feet? Watch your muscles grow while your skin turns green and all the neighbors run away screaming?


My name's Merry, and I approved this message.

Yeah, but what if the house burns down?

[By Merry. Not assisted by any strange British film directors. Honest.]

Pretty, pretty... ouch...

Awhile ago, I wrote about not using a regular treadmill in my older house because I was afraid of electrical problems. Many people said that they didn't worry about it. Just plug the electrical appliance in. Whatever.
Me, I'm always "Yeah, but it's old wiring. What if the house burns down?"
Them, "When it happens, then worry about it."
I can't do that. I'm always visualizing the worst possible scenario and trying to decide how I'll handle it if it occurs.

Example: I was being a good Merry and cutting vegetables at the kitchen counter. (Yes Mom, I was using a cutting board.) I dropped a knife and it fell to the floor next to my foot. Instantly, my mind conjures up the scenario: what if it had fallen onto my foot? What if it struck a major vein and I started bleeding all over the place? If it were the left foot I could still drive to the hospital using my right, but what if..." And so on, and on.

Sometimes I enjoy the ride when my imagination starts to wander, but this tendency to extrapolate disaster can also be hard on the body.

Visualizing a negative scenario produces a physiological response in the body. The other day had a whole argument visualized in my head, sprung up from something trivial at the grocery store. The original incident was not at all negative but by the time I had extrapolated to the Most Negative Scenario, it was -- in my mind -- a full flung major dramatic scene. Found myself clenching my teeth and tensing my muscles -- over nothing. And I do mean nothing. I had imagined the whole argument, I knew it was a fictitious experiment in What If, and still my body responded with physical fight-or-flight response.

Most of the time it's just a game I play to pass the time, but I'm not sure I should treat it too lightly. I might end up being negative all the time. I want to try using this force for good, and think of the most Wonderful Case Scenario. What if I bend down to pick up the knife and see a $100 bill lying tucked up in the corner under the kitchen cabinet? What if I then use that money to buy a fancy new outfit, which I'm then wearing the next day when I run across this incredibly gorgeous man who takes me out to lunch... on his yacht...

Well, that sort of thing, anyway.

There are many examples that aren't so... far fetched well, anyway, there are a lot of examples. The What If game is especially popular when used with visualization.

Professional athletes do positive visualization stuff all the time. One example that springs to mind is the diver Greg Louganis refusing to watch a videotape of his hitting his head on the diving board. He didn't want that image in his mind.

It helps other people too. Stroke patients often have difficulty using a regular treadmill. In Britain, a treadmill has been adapted to display moving images to the person using it. The patient views the different images (mountain scenes, forests, cities,) as if they were walking through the virtual landscape. Patients are fooled into thinking they are walking slowly which encourages them to walk faster.

Wendy Powell, a former chiropractor who created this treadmill at the University of Portsmouth, claims "in some cases movement has been improved by 20% and users feel less pain compared to usual methods.... We're effectively fooling the brain and the body."

On the other hand, there are a lot of people who visualize killing someone when they're playing video games (don't see how that is "not a bad thing"). It's not hard to find studies claiming that video games cause anti-social behavior. What makes me curious is that most of these studies focus on the effect of virtual aggression on young 'children and young adults.' I'd be willing to bet that the effects would be similar on older people.

I think What If is useful in a whole lot of scenarios.... trying to improve your running pace, reinforcing the willpower when you're faced with "just one more piece" of tiramisu... lots of good stuff. The Fit Shack ran a post about how What If thinking can affect weight loss.

According to Wikipedia, the word tiramisu translates as "pick-me-up."

But if visualizing something can affect how your body reacts, then I sure as hell don't want to play the What If game when I'm holding a knife.

Yes, I know Hitchcock made a lot of money playing What If...

This week I'm going to try balancing a negative scenario, with a positive one.

If you train your body, why not train your mind as well? What else were you planning to do with it?