High Tech Tuesday!

Photo download via xray delta one

By Crabby McSlacker

Should we be worried about the impact of so much easily accessible technology on our fragile human brains?

There is much hand-wringing on the subject, and even a little research out there.  Are portable machines turning our minds into mush, screwing with our relationships, infantalizing us, and disconnecting us from reality? Not to mention causing us to walk in front of buses and plunge off piers into large bodies of water?

Maybe! But that's not today's post.

Today I'm just doing a quick lazy show-and-tell about a couple of recent technological finds. One of them I even invented myself!

Catch and Release

image: Don Harrison, Up North Memories 

By Crabby McSlacker

So if any of you are fishing fans hoping this might be a post about actual fishing? Sorry! Just another strained metaphor for how to optimize your brain and be happier and that kinda stuff.

Also, the post started to run long, so it's really more like "Catch and R... oh crap, I'm tired, let's finish this puppy up later." So it's just Part One, the "Catch" part.

And yeah, no actual fishing tips.  I'm not an angler.  But as a life and wellness coach, a former psychotherapist, and a lifelong crankpot neurotic whiner who has finally rewired her own brain for the better, I keep marveling at how much more important how we think and feel about the world is than mere flimsy "reality."

Like most of my advicey posts, I'm repeating stuff that has been said a million times before, much better than I can say it, though usually it doesn't come with swear words.  Cranky Fitness readers are already way well-informed, so none of this will be a big News Flash.

Yet we need reminders and motivational encouragement, right? So here's some more cheerleading:

Control your own thoughts and feelings and Rule the World!

But... how the hell do you do that?

Celebrate!

Photo: Tim Hamilton

So, it’s almost January 1… are you getting all psyched to change your entire life in a few days with a whole slew of earnest and optimistic New Year’s resolutions?

Or perhaps you regard the whole resolution routine as a futile and somewhat amusing cultural exercise in self-delusion? No worries! Either way, what with a fresh new year almost upon us, it does seem a handy time for a bit of reflection and self-assessment.

However, before we all start running around figuring out how we can be fit, slim, well-rested, courageous, non smoking debt-free vegan triathletes with clean closets and abs of steel, might it first make sense to do a little celebrating of all the things we DID manage to tackle and triumph over in 2011?

Wait, what do you mean there isn’t much to celebrate?

Of course there is!

Even if you’re one of MizFit’s Honest 82% who didn’t technically ‘succced” on last year’s resolutions, and may be recycling them again this year... I bet there are all kinds of awesome things you did this year that you deserve a pat on the back for.

So, wanna find out How to Find and Celebrate This Years Accomplishments, Cranky Fitness Style?

1. Make it easy: Celebrate the Obvious


Did you accomplish something big and meaningful this year? Or even last year, what the hell, we’re not too picky here. Did you graduate from something, give birth to someone, win an award, launch something new, break a personal record, lose a bunch of weight, celebrate a Big Anniversary, finish a novel, or otherwise Succeed in Doing Something Hard You Weren’t Sure You Could Manage? Well go ahead, revisit your triumph and celebrate all over again! The end of the year is a great tme to recall your ass-kicking triumph and bask in the warm glow of smug self-congratulation.

All too often, people who are conscientious and hard-working will finally achieve a long sought after goal… then immediately jump to the next thing on the list and start pressuring themselves without ever stopping to wallow sufficiently in their own awesomeness. Sure, if you do it frequently and out loud, others may think you’re an egotistical asshole. But there’s no law against jumping up and down in your own head and shouting “No wonder I won Widget Salesperson of the year, I did an incredible job selling the crap out of those stupid freakin’ Widgets!”

2. Aim Low: Celebrate the “trivial”

Here at Cranky Fitness, we’re big believers in Baby Steps. Did you dig out the exercise bike out from under the pile of crap in your garage and start pedaling 20 minutes a week? Hooray for you if that’s 20 minutes more than you were doing before! Did you lose a little weight, or discover a new vegetable you don’t hate this year? Did you compete in a race, start biking to work, finally repaint that ugly guest bedroom? Break out the champagne and noisemakers, no doubt you did some damn thing or another this year that you can feel proud of. Spend a few minutes recalling even the little triumphs, it's far healthier than ruminating over the Stuff that Sucked.

3. Make it subjective: Celebrate Effort, Courage and Endurance

As you may have already have discovered: Life is Not Fair. So there’s no use letting arbitrary, superficial external measures of success govern your own sense of accomplishment and self-worth. Did you do an amazing job starting a new exercise program and yet the scale didn’t move? Did you make a huge contribution to your workplace and still end up with a pink slip when budgets got cut?

If you worked hard this year, tried new things, endured scary or ugly or unfortunate situations with grace and good humor, and just generally made lemonade (or margaritas) when life handed you lemons… then give yourself huge amounts of credit.

External success will come later... when life is finally good and done f#@cking with you.

4. Ditch jealousy: Celebrate the Successes of Others


If an acquaintance, friend, coworker or family member achieved something impressive this year, we all know what we’re supposed to do: smile and cheer and hug them and wish them our sincerest congratulations. And yet… sometimes the success of others can trigger a subconscious feeling of jealousy or inadequacy. (Or heck, sometimes the feeling isn’t subtle and subconscious at all, sometimes it’s a big seething stinky pile of nastiness that’s hard to ignore, especially if the party is all gloaty and obnoxious and the “success” was via good luck rather than merit).

So, how to be sincere in your happiness for this other person and thus garner more happiness and celebration for yourself? Well, unless the person is truly an undeserving dickhead, the answer probably lies in decoupling your own sense of self-worth from comparsions to others and to superficial measures of success. There is actually enough joy and happiness to go around for everyone, and YOU are the one responsible for your own feelings of self-worth. If the triumphs of others are getting you down, spend extra time looking for your own strengths and achievements and congratulate yourself. And then take that little smidgen of unpleasant resentment and repurpose it as motivation to set some realistic achievable goals you’ll feel proud of yourself for completing this year.

5. Have fun! Celebrate Continued Existence

Made it to the end of 2011 alive? Hooray for you, celebrate just for the hell of it, and have an awesome New Year’s Eve Weekend!!

So, anyone have anything to celebrate in any of the above categories? Here are a few off my list:

1. The Obvious: Dusted off underutilized but perfectly serviceable psychotherapy experience, reactivated MFT license, and retrained as a Life & Wellness Coach.  Started a practice, found awesome clients to work with, and semi-resurrected the formerly deceased Health and Fitness blog you are now reading.

2. The “Trivial”: Lost a bit of belly fat, and regained the ability to do unassisted pull ups and chin ups. (Am now up to 4 chinups, yay me!)

3. Effort and Experimentation: Recovered from a broken arm and a hysterectomy, which meant having to bust my ass in order to get back to where I left off before I got sidelined. I’ve been playing around with spinning class, bicycling, stair steppers, body weight exercises, tabita intervals and a bunch of other random (and quite possibly stupid and dangerous) cross training moves. Also, I revamped my eating plan to ditch a few more refined carbs and include way more weird, ugly, and extraordinarily healthy foods.

4. Other’s successes: I’ve genuinely enjoyed seeing fellow fitness bloggers and tweeters gain increased recognition with their inspiring books, panel presentations, magazine articles, awards, tv interviews etc. Charlotte, Carla, Joyce and the FBG's leap immediately to mind, but there are many more!  And family and friends have given me lots to celebrate as well… marriages (especially the gay ones…and yeah so sue me, I’m a bit biased), births, new ventures, anniversaries, exciting relocations and happy travels... all good stuff and made me very happy and vicariously proud!

5. And Existence: Hey, I'm alive and not even incarcerated or anything! Hooray! I’ll drink to that!

How about you guys? Anything you’re celebrating this New Year’s, whether it’s a little thing or a huge amazing accomplishment?

The Gratitude Thing

Photo credit: Limevelyn

It’s not exactly breaking news that gratitude is a good thing. Psychologists, medical scientists, spiritual leaders, friendly fitness magazines, talk show hosts, your grandmother...everyone seems to be in agreement that you need a whole hell of a lot more of it.

In fact, happiness research studies reveal a bunch of cool benefits you get from feeling grateful. People who consciously cultivate gratitude have better health, achieve more of their goals, exercise more, sleep better, improve their relationships, become more generous, experience more positive feelings, and are way less of a pain in the ass for other people to deal with.

And unlike other reliable sources of mood elevation (i.e. chocolate, music, massages, champagne, sex, naps, double cappuccinos etc) gratitude can be enjoyed any time of day, in almost any situation.  Plus, gratitude is free!

So now that we've got our year-end griping out of the way, some of us are getting ready to embark on New Years Resolutions That Will Magically Turn Us Into Extraordinary Super-Humans.  If getting in touch with gratitude can super-charge our optimism, goal achievement, sleep, relationships, health, motivation, and happiness, that's gotta be handy, right?

Cultivating Gratitude

Some people are naturally more grateful.  It doesn't matter what crappy circumstances they find themselves in, these folks always find plenty of things to be thankful about. (What? Susie got sent home from second grade with head lice? Well that's excellent! Let's both stay home from work, borrow a microscope and make a biology lesson out it while we boil our bedding!) Others of us, sadly, have to wrestle a little harder with our Inner Crabs in order to turn our natural-born grumbling into gratitude.

Some Obvious Reminders about How to Be More Grateful:

1. Make an Effort to Stop and Appreciate Stuff That Makes You Happy

Sure, we all know this is smart, but do you actually make a conscious effort to do it?  If not, don't feel bad: apparently,  due to a neurological negativity bias, we humans naturally suck at this.  Our brains are wired so that all the shitty stuff that happens during the day stands out much more in our minds than the good stuff.  (The evolutionary theory being that if our prehistoric ancestors failed to remember how lovely a sunrise looked or how pretty a flower smelled, it wasn't a big deal.  However, if they forgot which berries poisoned Uncle Throg or what happens if you step on a nest of cobras, those spacey genes had a much smaller chance of getting passed down.)

So tell your hyper-vigilant cavewoman or caveman brain to chill out.  Remind yourself that you haven't noticed any cobras on the subway lately, and it's perfectly ok to be happy and appreciative.  Take half a minute to to savor that excellent cup of coffee, that unexpected compliment, that quiet evening at home, or that $178 million lotto jackpot you just won. (Ok, you probably don't need instructions on that last one, but if it happens and you have any questions, just invite me over and I'll be happy to help).

2. Set Up Some Structure

Hopelessly hokey, right? And I have to confess: just looking at the photo of the "Gratitude Rocks" journal at the top of the post makes me feel a bit barfy.  The only reason I deleted a sarcastic caption was my fear that the woman who took it might google her image and come here and see the caption and get her feelings hurt.  Wait, but what if she came here and actually stuck around to read this far down the post? Yikes!! (I'm so sorry, nice gratitude journal lady!  It's just a little cranky here sometimes, which is all the more reason Crabby needs your fine photo even if its perky sincerity does make her head throb).

Anyway, if you are like me, you may have discovered that a vague intention to embark on a self-improvement scheme rarely results in anything actually happening unless accompanied by a plan and some method of accountability.

So if you want to start feeling more grateful, study after study shows that keeping a list or a journal helps. Other ideas: a bedtime routine of thinking of 5 things to feel grateful for before you close your eyes or a commitment to trade weekly gratitude emails with a friend. (An idea stolen from Jenn and Tish of the Fabulous FBG's). Or how about periodic reminders in your calendar program to take a deep breath and appreciate something? A visit to Leah's or Jody's blogs that have weekly gratitude posts you can connect with and comment? Any system you can come up with that helps you step back and recognize some of the awesome things in life you have to be grateful for is worth a try.

3. Play "It Could Be Worse"

This one rarely works for me, but I'll pass it on because so many people use it successfully. "Oh you got talked into rollerblading against your better judgment, and broke your leg in three places? Well, be grateful they didn't have to amputate!"

It's true that things could always be worse, and keeping this in mind makes many people feel grateful for their relative health and happiness. It's just that for me, reminders that Even More Horrible Things Could Happen tend to make me anxious that they're on the way instead of grateful that they haven't arrived yet.


4. Find the Silver Lining.

OK, so back to the example of breaking your leg in three places.  What if this most unwelcome event results in you fearing weight gain from not doing your normal routine?  And so you finally feel motivated enough to institute a new healthy eating program that you've been meaning to do for years. And then let's say during the recovery period you're introduced to all kinds of physical therapy tricks, cross training methods, stress reduction techniques, and positive-thinking habits that you would have blown off if you weren't feeling all frustrated and desperate.  It could be that by the time you're healed from your broken leg, you find yourself in a healthier, happier, more balanced place than had you not had the Stupid Crappy Event happen to you in the first place.

The older I get, the more I've become convinced that Silver Linings are not just for the naturally optimistic. Because these happy accidents are reality, not just positive thinking! Depending on how they're handled, even "obviously" awful things can result in more positive consequences than negative ones.

Have you ever witnessed a heartbreaking divorce that led to much happier marriages for both parties? Or a totally unfair layoff that instigated a depressing job search... that landed a much more exciting job elsewhere?  Or a health scare that led to major positive lifestyle changes?  Smaller, boring, everyday examples abound: you miss your usual bus and end up sitting next to someone who tells you about a one-day sale at your favorite clothing store, and you stop there after work and get a winter coat you absolutely love for 85% off!  Noticing and appreciating the good things that come from bad things gives you more to feel grateful about. And as a bonus, this mindset makes "bad" things seem far less depressing--because you realize there could actually be sneaky positive outcomes down the road even if they're not immediately apparent.


5. Create More Things to be Grateful For

What if you're going around trying your hardest to find things to be grateful for, but they're mighty few and far between in your current situation?  You hate your job, your apartment is noisy and depressing, you're constantly bickering with your significant other, you're a City Girl living in a sleepy suburban bedroom community or you're a tree-huggin' mountain-climbing outdoorsy type penned up in a tiny studio in a ugly concrete neighborhood...

Well, in addition to the "attitude adjustment" piece, it's possible that you might want to look at some long-range planning to get more good stuff in your life so that you naturally feel more grateful and don't have to work so hard to appreciate those little golden nuggets of unsuckiness.

Start with looking at where you want to be a few years from now.  How might you make that happen?  What are your options?  What steps will you take to get there?  What will you do TODAY to propel yourself in the right direction? The more specific you get, the less chance you'll still be complaining about the same crappy situation decades from now.

(And, um, that brings us to a tacky reminder that if you need some help in this process, we know of a Life and Wellness Coach who has special Half Off life coaching rates! But sadly, the Big-Ass discount is due to expire in a few days.  Folks who email to set up an intake before January 1st 2011 can get in on the old rates, though if you're not quite ready--fear not! There will still be some sort of Cranky Fitness reader discount going forward, just perhaps not as large).

6. Start Appreciating Things... Right Now!

Heck, it'll only take you a few seconds to think of something.

I'll go first!

Because while I'm a notoriously cranky, whiny human, I would have to be a total moron not to realize how lucky I am. For me not to be grateful on a daily basis would be a ridiculous squandering of good fortune. (I also harbor a suspicion that if I fail to be properly grateful for things, the universe might up and take 'em away to teach me a lesson).

So my list could easily be a hundred items long and we ain't got all day. I'll just grab a few off the top:

1. The Lobster (wife of 21 years and IMHO the finest human on the planet);
2. A weird and wonderful bicoastal lifestyle (San Diego and Provincetown, two amazing places to live);
3. A happy career transition to Life Coaching, complete with Totally Inappropriate Marketing Platform and awesome, inspiring, amazing clients;
4. A supportive and kind family;
5. Clever, fun and generous friends, both near and far;
6. An amazing online community of bloggers and readers who inspire me and crack me up, as well as big funny successful sites like College Candy that kindly include me sometimes in their link roundups;
7. Mostly Excellent health;
8. Access to nutritious and delicious food as well as Inexcusable but Delightful Junk On Occasion;
9. Time and resources to exercise a lot and feel all energetic and strong; and finally,
10. Coffee, without which nothing else would be possible because I'd remain curled up in the fetal position all day.


Anything you feel especially grateful for today? Do you have a regular gratitude practice or any plans to start one? Ideas for feeling more appreciation? Or heck, be a week late and be completely disgruntled instead, it's all good!

How Did I Miss This?

This news report came out earlier this year, featuring an awesome new prescription medication. My apologies to those who have already seen it by now. (And note to the satire-impaired: Caution is advised; it's from The Onion).




I'm thinking I need to contact these folks about advertising on Cranky Fitness!

Have a great weekend, all, and see you Monday.

Ready, Set,... Ah Hell.

Preliminary Note: Are you entered in the Cranky Fitness Fall Giveaway? Do check the post before this one for an important update.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Is Transition Time Eating Up Your Day?

Does anyone else find that a really huge and annoying percentage of the day seems to take place not actually doing things, but getting ready to do things and tidying back up after the things have been done?

"Going to the gym," for example, may consist of working out for an hour or so, but is that really how much time you need to budget for it?

No, of course not! Not unless you work as a personal trainer or have a home gym and happen to spend all day in your gym clothes, ready to go at any moment. Oh, and you'd also need to manage to work out vigorously without perspiring.

Depending on your routine, "going to the gym" could also consist of finding your car keys or bus pass, collecting all your gear, driving/riding/walking to the gym, waiting in line at the front desk, chatting with friends, changing into workout clothes, using the restroom, working out (which could also including waiting for machines or class to start or whatever), going back to the locker room, stripping off your sweaty clothes, showering, drying your hair, applying deodorant/lotion/sunscreen/make-up or whatever you tend to slather on yourself, putting on your clothes again, getting back into your car... and then, finally, getting ready to do the next thing.

Don't You Hate It When You Realize
You've Forgotten Something Important?
Photo by NataliaEnvy

And yet, some folks stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that life is like this. They are surprised, every single time, when things take so much longer than they should. How come the day is over already and so many things didn't get done?

It's my theory that people who tend to be lead healthy, balanced, productive, yet stress-free lives are often really good at mastering transitions.

Alas, I am not one of those people.

I would further hypothesize that there are at least two important components to mastering transitions, both of which I suck at. But if you, unlike me, actually want to work on these two things, perhaps you can be one of those Successful, Balanced, Healthy, Stress-Free Productive People!

1. Prepare Ahead or Improvise?

Some people are natural "prepare ahead" types; others may have to try to teach themselves this skill. Pack your gym bag the night before your workout! Make a list of things you need to pick up after work! Have a single place to keep your keys so you don't put them down all over the house and then forget where! Think through meal planning, shop for days/weeks/months in advance, cut things up for the week ahead, make extra portions to freeze for later, and have lots of matching food storage containers that are not warped and actually have tops!

There are people out there who actually do all this stuff, consistently, and you rarely see them at work all wild-haired because they forgot to bring a brush to the gym, or guiltily scarfing sad vending machine items because they didn't manage to pack a healthy lunch.

Those of us who wait until we're hungry for dinner and then stare into the refrigerator and realize we need to go shopping unless we want to make a meal out of microwave popcorn and canned tuna and raisins? And then three hours later we're back from the store and actually finally eating something and wondering if the dishes will just this once agree to do themselves because, damn it, it's bed time already?

We're the ones who don't tend to get stuff checked off our "to do" lists very often. (Not that we're very good about making them in the first place).

2. Philosophical or Frantic?

Whether you prepare well or not, there's a certain amount of transition time that everyone has to go through. We need to gather things up, we need to get ourselves places, we must wait in lines and endure delays and deal with things that break at the wrong time or people that don't do what we want them to.

Some people take a very Zen* approach to everyday transitions. Life is life! Might as well enjoy each precious moment! So what if those moments are piling up and you're stuck in a long line at the grocery store and the cash register does something funny but the clerk doesn't know how to fix it and the supervisor is busy elsewhere and no one is opening another checkstand and a little boy is screaming Mommy Mommy Mommy Lookit Me Lookit Me over and over and over but Mommy is still not Lookitting?

Smile! It is what it is. You'll be out of there soon enough. We'll all be "outta here" soon enough.

Anyway, others of us are not so Zen. We get frustrated and make ourselves miserable; we rush and so we forget things; we get anxious and frantic and fumbly so we drop things. We try to extract revenge on obstinate inanimate objects or, even worse, find culpable humans to blame when things go wrong. We rage and fume and fret and worry, which doesn't get us through our transitions any faster or more happily. Yet to change our approach? That would mean effort!

Perhaps some day I'll join the Stress-Free Healthy Balanced Productive People Crowd, and life will seem like it's all Doing! and not so much the Getting Ready and Waiting and Cleaning Up!




But then it just wouldn't be Cranky Fitness, would it?

How about you folks, are you all Prepared and Zen, or do you struggle with all the extra crap that gets in the way of Doing?


*Like many health and personal development bloggers, I often invoke "Zen" principles without having any idea what Zen is about, liking the sound of it but being too lazy to educate myself. Actual Zen people--feel free to make tsking noises, if you Zen folk are allowed to do things like that.

[And yes, this is another re-run, but I will be back really soon with brand new stuff!]

Achy Breaky Knees and Giveaway!

So the Random Number Generator got all riled up after we pulled it out of the Cranky Fitness basement last week, and it made such a ruckus about being locked up again that we felt we had no choice but to do another giveaway this week.

This one will be of special interest to anyone (like me) who has knee issues. I'm often complaining about how my knees are trashed and I can't run nearly as often or as far as I want to. So I was curious to try a product designed to help with this problem, called a "Moji."

"Moji" sounds sort of sweet and cuddly, doesn't it, like a dog's name? ("C'mere Moji; stop rolling in that dead skunk!") Or maybe Moji sounds more like a tropical fruit, now available in an antioxidant-rich beverage blend. ("Try new Cranberry flavored Moji, now with 50% more Vitamin C!)

But no, as it turns out, Moji is not a dog, nor is it a beverage.

Want to know more about Moji? Like what the heck it is, how well I liked it, and how you could win one? Well, please follow me over to the Cranky Fitness Product Page, where all shall be revealed. That's where today's main post is. Plus, the giveaway is open to international folks too!

Back already? Well, I've also got a few other random items to tell you about.

Over at The Juice, they've still got the $200 Patagonia gift card giveaway going ('til August 3rd) and your chances look mighty good because they don't have a ton of entries yet. Also, this week I diagnosed myself with a debilitating mental illness, called SNAD. Perhaps some of you suffer from it too and don't even realize it!

And over at Half-Fast, clever Vanilla has discovered a new exercise gadget that is unintentionally and hilariously X-Rated. How many of you ladies would purchase the Shake Weight?

Two-Timin' Husbands: Not Their Fault?

[By Crabby]


So this post really should be called something more general like "Genetics and Personality," or "Nature vs. Nurture." Or perhaps: "Free Will and Strength of Character? Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Because this post is not just about two-timing husbands. It's about how so gosh-darned many things about us are turning out to have a genetic basis.


Pair-Bonding for Dummies



But let's start off with the good vs. the not-so-good husbands. Because it turns out they've found a "monogamy gene" that explains a lot of the difference. (And TherapyDoc has a great discussion of it over at Everyone Needs Therapy).

Yep, according to recent research, there are variants of sections of a gene called "RS3 334" that affect how men bond with their partners. They can have none, one or two copies of the RS3 334 section. "Men with two copies of RS3 334 were more likely to be unmarried than men with one or none, and if they were married, they were twice as likely to have a marital crisis."

(There's a lot more interesting stuff in the monogamy gene article, but alas, no instructions on how to obtain secret samples from your husband to see if you got a dude hard-wired for long-term fidelity).


Mommy, How Come You're Beating Your Head Against the Wall Like That?

(Photo found here; original source unknown)

Actually, if you're going to be stealing DNA samples from your hubby, you might want to swipe one from your kids too. At least after you've read this fascinating Newsweek article on genetics and child development.

New research seems to suggest that parents have much less influence than previously thought on how their kids turn out.

An example: in about 30 percent of kids, their DNA coils carry a glitch that leaves their brains with fewer dopamine receptors. What's the problem with that? Well, for one thing, having fewer dopamine receptors is linked to "an inability to avoid self-destructive behavior such as illicit drug use." Also, children with this genetic variant appear to be less able to learn from mistakes. To quote Newsweek, "no matter how many tests they blow by partying the night before, the lesson just doesn't sink in."

Or how about this surprising finding: "children with a sweet temperament, which is under strong genetic control, are the least likely to emulate their parents and absorb the lessons they teach, while fussy kids are the most likely to do so. Fussy children have a hypersensitive nervous system that is keenly attuned to its surroundings—including what Mom and Dad do and say."

Wow. How many parents have been driving themselves crazy trying to raise their kid "perfectly," and it turns out they've got a kid who's just not wired to absorb any of that well-intentioned parenting?



And these are just a couple of example from a couple of recent articles. Almost any psychological disorder or human strength or weakness you can think of seems to have some link to things we can't control: our genes.


So what does this all mean?

I don't know about you, but I have mixed feelings about the implications of this.

On the one hand, when people are lame and frustrating and they disappoint or annoy me, I want to blame them for their stupid/careless/self-centered behavior. I like to judge other people by my own standards: if I wouldn't do it, then others damn well shouldn't either!

Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!

Why should I feel sorry for them when their problems stem from their own clueless behavior? They must not be trying hard enough to be good! Let 'em suffer the consequences! Don't hide behind genetics buddy--you still make the choices.

But if the subject is a personal weakness of mine? Er, well, then I seem to have a different reaction. I am quite happy to discover that this trait is inborn and not my fault. For example, while I don't seem to be wired for aggression or compulsive behavior or dishonesty, I am definitely an anxious, pessimistic type. And hey, anxiety disorders are genetic!

Oh sure, I could suck it up and confront all my worries and fears, but it's harder for me that it is for you. So if I often don't, and instead I cower/sulk/avoid. But you can't really blame me, it's my genes!


Add Personal Responsibility and Stir

Yeah, this is the part where everyone, including me, starts to scream: but wait a minute, genetics aren't everything! Environment isn't either! What about Free Will and Responsibility and Choice?

It has been commonly observed that not everyone with unfortunate genes or a terrible upbringing behaves badly. Nor do folks who have been blessed with calm untroubled temperaments and excellent early home environments necessarily turn out well. However much the game may be rigged, the choices along the way are ours. I do think there's such a thing as "strength of character," and even if that turns out to be mostly genetic too. But it's something we can all learn to improve upon by the exertion of good old fashioned will-power.

We all know what that moment feels like, right? We face a choice between Right and Wrong, and Wrong is easier and more fun and oh so tempting and maybe no one will ever know about it but us. Whether it's as small as skipping a workout, or calling in sick to go to the beach, or as big as an extra-marital affair or picking up a weapon in anger--it's a moment we have the power to decide for ourselves. In that short moment, sometimes only a fraction of a second, we can reclaim our destiny, no matter what plans our genes or environment may have laid out for us.

I think we are "better" people when we do the right thing. And no amount of bad genes or bad environment can entirely take all those moments away from us--even if the luck of the draw may completely change the range of choices we have available.


Tolerance for Other's Limitations: Got Some?

However, in our society (and particularly in the U.S.) we do tend to LOVE the notion of "personal responsibility," especially when it's applied to other people. How do we deal the fact that other people come with entirely different brains, different early childhood experiences, different options?

We don't! We expect everyone to behave the same, regardless of their inborn capacity to do so or the realistic choices available.

One quick example: a study of attitudes toward mental illness recently concluded that while more Americans believe that mental illness has genetic causes than they did 10 years ago, they are no more tolerant of the mentally ill than before.

No Answers Here, This is Just Cranky Fitness!

As I said, I'm confused and hypocritical about what it means that "strength of character" has perhaps only a small part to play in who are are. We are often, as it turns out, a product of our genes, and no doubt our environments.

What do you folks thinks this means? How much of "who you are" are feels like a given, and how much do you get to choose?

Ready, Set,... Ah Hell.

[By Crabby]

Is Transition Time Eating Up Your Day?

Does anyone else find that a really huge and annoying percentage of the day seems to take place not actually doing things, but getting ready to do things and tidying back up after the things have been done?

"Going to the gym," for example, may consist of working out for an hour or so, but is that how much time you need to budget for it?

No, of course not! Not unless you work as a personal trainer or have a home gym and happen to spend all day in your gym clothes, ready to go at any moment. Oh, and you'd also need to manage to work out vigorously without perspiring.

Depending on your routine, "going to the gym" could also consist of finding your car keys or bus pass, collecting all your gear, getting out the front door and remembering you've forgotten something, starting all over again, driving, finding parking, waiting in line at the front desk, chatting with friends, changing into workout clothes, using the restroom, working out (which could also including waiting for machines or class to start or whatever), going back to the locker room, trying to remember which day locker you put your stuff in, stripping off your sweaty clothes, showering, drying your hair, applying deodorant/lotion/sunscreen/make-up or whatever you tend to slather on yourself, putting on your clothes again, getting back into your car... and then, finally, getting ready to do the next thing.

Don't You Hate It When You Realize
You've Forgotten Something Important?
Photo by NataliaEnvy

And yet, some folks stubbornly refuse to acknowledge that life is like this. They are surprised, every single time, when things take so much longer that they should. How come the day is over already and so many things didn't get done?

It's my theory that people who tend to be lead healthy, balanced, productive, yet stress-free lives are often really good at mastering transitions.

Alas, I am not one of those people.

I would further hypothesize that there are at least two important components to mastering transitions, both of which I suck at. But if you, unlike me, actually want to work on these two things, perhaps you can be one of those Successful, Balanced, Healthy, Stress-Free Productive People!

1. Prepare Ahead or Improvise?

Some people are natural "prepare ahead" types; others may have to try to teach themselves this skill. Pack your gym bag the night before your workout! Make a list of things you need to pick up after work! Have a single place to keep your keys so you don't put them down all over the house and then forget where! Think through meal planning, shop for days/weeks/months in advance, cut things up for the week ahead, make extra portions to freeze for later, and have lots of matching food storage containers that are not warped and actually have tops!

There are people out there who actually do all this stuff, consistently, and you rarely see them at work all wild-haired because they forgot to bring a brush to the gym, or guiltily scarfing sad vending machine items because they didn't manage to pack a healthy lunch.

Those of us who wait until we're hungry for dinner and then stare into the refrigerator and realize we need to go shopping unless we want to make a meal out of microwave popcorn and canned tuna and raisins? And then three hours later we're back from the store and actually finally eating something and wondering if the dishes will just this once agree to do themselves because, damn it, it's bed time already?

We're the ones who don't tend to get stuff checked off our "to do" lists very often. (Not that we're very good about making them in the first place).

2. Philosophical or Frantic?

Whether you prepare well or not, there's a certain amount of transition time that everyone has to go through. We need to gather things up, we need to get ourselves places, we must wait in lines and endure delays and deal with things that break at the wrong time or people that don't do what we want them to.

Some people take a very Zen* approach to everyday transitions. Life is life! Might as well enjoy each precious moment! So what if those moments are piling up and you're stuck in a long line at the grocery store and the cash register does something funny but the clerk doesn't know how to fix it and the supervisor is busy elsewhere and no one is opening another checkstand and a little boy is screaming Mommy Mommy Mommy Lookit Me Lookit Me over and over and over but Mommy is still not Lookitting?

Smile! It is what it is. You'll be out of there soon enough. We'll all be "outta here" soon enough.

Anyway, others of us are not so Zen. We get frustrated and make ourselves miserable; we rush and so we forget things; we get anxious and frantic and fumbly so we drop things and lose things and break things. We try to extract revenge on obstinate inanimate objects or, better yet, find culpable humans to blame when things go wrong. We rage and fume and fret and worry, which doesn't get us through our transitions any faster or more happily. Yet to change our approach? That would mean effort!

Perhaps some day I'll join the Stress-Free Healthy Balanced Productive People Crowd, and life will seem like it's all Doing! and not so much the Getting Ready and Cleaning Up!




But then it just wouldn't be Cranky Fitness, would it?

How about you folks, are you all Prepared and Zen, or do you struggle with all the extra crap that gets in the way of Doing?


*Like many health and personal development bloggers, I often invoke "Zen" principles without having any idea what Zen is about, liking the sound of it but being too lazy to educate myself. Actual Zen people--feel free to make tsking noises, if you Zen folk are allowed to do things like that.

Does Your Hometown Have "Issues?"

[By Crabby]

Doctor, Sometimes I Just Feel So... Dirty!
(Photo credit: Spike)

So there's a new book out called "Who's Your City," which is about different places to live and the people who choose to live in them. And guess what? It's written by a guy named Richard Florida. It would be even cuter if he lived there!

I haven't read the book, but the Boston Globe did a thing on it, and it looks pretty cool. For instance, it has tips about finding the best place to live given your life stage and personality and goals and such.

(Psssst: wanna make some money in real estate? The author went on Stephen Colbert and they both agreed: just follow the gay people around. And hint: they all just moved to Provincetown, Massachusetts!) OK, maybe not every single one.

P-Town: Probably Still A Safe Investment

(Photo: Beach Comber)

Anyway, this whole concept of personality and place intrigues me. I'm one of those people who's totally opinionated about good places to live. Theoretically, I know it's all subjective, but in my heart of hearts I truly believe that the places I like are the "best."

People who live elsewhere must therefore either be: (a) unfortunate; (b) complacent; or (c) just plain crazy.

But come to find out, other people with different goals and personalities really do have perfectly legitimate reasons to live where they do. Even if it's somewhere I would hate to live!

Harummph! How is this possible?

So Florida (the guy, not the state) took a look at the way different personality types tend to cluster in different places. Not just in trendy neighborhoods, but in huge swaths of the United States and the world. And he found out some interesting things.

For example, check this out:

(Note: If you can't see it very well, you can go here instead--it's the "personality map").



Isn't it cute how the "agreeable people" all got together and decided to form a picture of a duck?

And isn't it sad that apparently a big part of the country forgot to have any personality at all? Whoops!

I was relieved to find out that I've entirely avoided living places where the "extroverted" and "conscientious" gather. Instead, I've been drawn to locations where the "open-to-experience" and "neurotic" folks hang out. Exactly on target!

Sorry Extroverts! You'll Just Have to Amuse Yourselves Without Me.
(Photo by adwriter)

So why do people with similar personality traits end up clustering together? According to Florida, one possibility is selective migration. Agreeable and conscientious types do NOT like to move, and the extroverts and open to experience people do, so people start sorting themselves into similar personality types.

Sure, sounds plausible. Whatever.

To me, as interesting as the big regional variations are, they seem kinda minor compared with the "neighborhood" factors. If you live in a hip urban neighborhood in say, New York--wouldn't you have more in common with people in a hip urban neighborhood in San Francisco or Chicago or even Paris? Instead of, say, other Northeastern folks who live in gated suburban communities or retirement homes or housing projects or farm towns?

The Sushi Place? No Problem. Make a Right at the Church,

Then Straight Ahead for About 300 Miles. Can't Miss It.
(Photo by docman)

I would tend to agree with the author that the place you live has a huge impact on your life. It can affect your employment options, the kind of people you'll meet, and even your opportunity to exercise and find healthy things to eat. (This is, after all, a health blog so it seemed wise to work in something about health. And hey, Cranky Fitness did actually do a post once on the importance of walkable neighborhoods).

Yet it seems like a lot of people just stay where they were born, or end up somewhere sort of arbitrarily and get trapped there, without ever really choosing.

How about you folks, do you like where you live? Does it suit your goals and personality? Did you choose it, or get stuck with it?

Out of The Basement and Into the Streets

[By Crabby]

[Note: This post was edited to remove all the introductory chat about the Lipton bike contest, which is now, unfortunately, over. But we still want you to get back on your bike!]


Are You Suffering from BIBD?

Please raise your hands: are there any of you out there who think riding a bicycle is an excellent idea, a healthy, practical, good-for-the-environment activity, but it's just too much of a pain to do in real life?

If so, you may be suffering from "BIBD," a medical condition we just made up. The good news? It's sometimes entirely curable! Read on to find out more.

How do I know about BIBD? Because I suffered from it too, starting sometime in 1983 until just last week. It's too early to tell if I'm cured, but I'm finally "on the road" to recovery!

So what is BIBD? It's short for Bicycle-in- the-Basement Disorder. (It also goes by the names "Bicycle in the Garage," "Bicycle in Storage at your Parent's House," or "I really Should Buy a Bike Someday" disorder.)

Warning Signs of BIBD:

1. You never or hardly ever ride a bicycle anymore;
2. You have access to a bike or the ability to get your hands on one without too much hardship;
3. You used to enjoy bike riding when you were younger;
4. You are still physically able to ride;
5. There are places near where you live suitable for bike riding and you feel slightly guilty when you see other people enjoying them.


Important Distinction: It's not a disorder if you have a Damn Good Reason for not ever riding a bike. Some of these include:

1. Your knees or back or other body parts won't let you.
2. You live somewhere where biking is unsafe.
3. You can't afford a bike.
4. Even in good weather, on a nice safe smooth level bike trail, you never really enjoyed being on a bike.
5. You have no place to put a bike.
6. Other reasons I'm forgetting which you'll let me know about in the Comments section.

Recovery From BIBD

Actually, there is no one cure for BIBD; rather, there are an arsenal of BIBD therapies and approaches.

1. Borrow or rent a bike somewhere fun.

Yeah, it's annoying to think about paying outrageous rental fees if you already have a bike, but never ride it. But if your bike needs fixing, or you never seem to make time for it in your regular life, then consider riding around somewhere scenic on vacation. Is it fun? This is important information.

2. If your bike is no longer ridable, go get it fixed or replace it.

Forget the fact you used to do all your own bike maintenance. Are you doing it now? No, you are not. So take the damn bike to the shop. Or if it's totally trashed, get another one. (You can get a bright shiny new one, or buy a used bike from someone who took better care of theirs than you did of yours). Promise yourself, if you need to, that when you start riding again for real, you'll find your tools and learn how to do all that stuff yourself again. But don't let the fact your bike is in a state of disrepair keep you from ever riding again.

3. Start with really short rides. Otherwise, your ass will hurt.

Yeah, your legs too, but you're sort of prepared for that. It's the ass thing that will take you by surprise. The weird thing is, it won't necessarily hurt the first time or the second but may wait until the third or fourth time out. (At least that's what happened to me). Keep your rides short and get used to it again gradually.

(And does anyone understand, physiologically, how exactly your butt manages to "get used to it" again? Are there callouses in there somewhere? Or do your butt nerve endings die off so you don't feel soreness anymore? That's always been a mystery to me).

4. Go on scenic routes to pretty places, if these are available.

It's worth a little extra planning to keep your rides really pleasant the first few times out. You may have to buy a rack for your car if your immediate neighborhood sucks. Just don't make your only destination commuting to work, especially if you hate your job, until you teach yourself that it's the job, not the bike, that sucks.

5. Once you remember that biking is a mostly-fun activity, start saving time, gas, and parking money by combining exercise with commuting or errands.

Depending on where you live, biking may have some practical advantages in addition to the exercise you're getting. Do you live somewhere where parking is nearly non-existent? Your bike could allow you to be one of those smug people who doesn't even care!

6. Buy some fun accessories.

If you haven't been biking for a long time, you're missing out on a chance to Get Cool Stuff. The nice thing about biking is that aside from the bike, there isn't all that much you need-- but there are great little gadgets and packs and clothing and such if you want them. And then the only way to enjoy your new purchase is to get out on your bike again and try it out!

Note: don't skip the helmet. Yes, it may squish your hair and make you look a bit geeky. But in the same way that forgetting your umbrella attracts rain clouds, not wearing a helmet is a magnet for crazy drivers and funky road conditions and concussions.

7. Move somewhere where biking is easy and fun.

This may seem an extreme step, but...

Too many people put fitness last when they are figuring out where they want to live. If you are thinking about moving anyway, and are lucky enough to have some options, consider a town or neighborhood that has bike lanes and bike paths and cool biking destinations. I often wonder why people are so willing to trade off having walking, running, and biking opportunities in order to live in large energy-hogging houses in isolated suburban areas where they have to drive everywhere.

Brief Case study:

Yeah, it's me again. I moved, and it got my bike out of the basement!

So obviously, having been in recovery from BIBD for only a week or two, I am so NOT an expert on all the plusses and minuses of riding around a lot. Do any of you ride? Do any of you wish you did but don't?

The Power of Negative Thinking

[By Crabby]

When you encounter a difficult or stressful situation, and someone advises you to: "Think Positive!" or "Look on the Bright Side!" do you:

(a) Smile and say "of course!" because it wouldn't occur to you to view life any other way?

Or do you:

(b) Barely stifle the urge to bop the optimist over the head with an umbrella, which you happen to have with you because it's pretty damn cloudy and the skies could break open at any minute?

Some folks are die-hard optimists and some are resolute pessimists and most of us fall somewhere in between. Personally, I think of myself right in the middle as a "realist," but given the general tendency of American culture to favor optimism, I know I probably fall much further down on the optimism scale--say somewhere around "party pooper."

Pessimism has a bad reputation. According to various studies, which I won't cite because they're annoying, we pessimists are supposedly less happy and less fun to be around blah blah blah.

(But we're also a hell of a lot less likely to lose our shirts when we gamble).

I'm not, in my own mind, overly pessimistic. When some important life event comes up I enjoy fantasizing about best-case scenarios. But I also imagine the worst case ones and I plan for them. I'm never late to the airport or an important meeting, for example, because I find it easy to visualize the multitude of things that could go wrong and make me horrendously late. (And yes, as a result, I'm always really freakin' early for everything).

As it turns out, if you are a somewhat anxious person, there is a psychology professor at Wellesley College, Julie K. Norem, who says: screw the optimism. Optimism isn't the best strategy for everyone. Defensive Pessimism, in which you allow yourself to imagine worst case scenarios, is a perfectly good strategy too. In fact, if you try to "think positively" just because everyone around you says "Turn that frown upside down!" it can just make you more anxious. (There is even a Defensive Pessimism quiz, if you want to find out if you are one. And yeah, I am.)

However, I also think it's possible to be a Very Happy Pessimist, if you do it right. Pessimism isn't something you should have to apologize for, especially if in using it properly you find yourself every bit as happy as one of those perky optimists.

So what's the trick to embracing your negative thinking and Loving Life as a Pessimist? It's actually really easy:

Anticipate the negative, but appreciate the hell out of the positive when it happens. Bonus: the more pessimistic you are, the more often you're pleasantly surprised!

Just think of it as delayed gratification. All those optimists celebrate early, assuming everything will go right. When it doesn't, they either have to cope with disappointment or ignore reality and pretend they never had such high expectations in the first place.

Happy pessimists, however, get the disappointment part over with early. We plan in case things go wrong, so if they do, we're prepared. But here's the difference between a Happy and an Unhappy pessimist: the unhappy one doesn't stop to appreciate that the Bad Things didn't happen.

Don't skip this step, this is the fun part of pessimism. Bask in relief and gratitude that things worked out nicely!

Unhappy pessimists go right on to worrying about the next thing. This, in my opinion, is a big mistake--unless you actually enjoy worrying. Which as it happens, some people do.

Note: I haven't read Professor Norem's book yet, so I could be getting the whole concept of Defensive Pessimism horribly wrong, and have just completely embarrassed myself and driven readers away from Cranky Fitness in droves.

Oh, wait, you're still here? Hooray!

So what sort of outlook do you folks have? Optimist? Pessimist? Somewhere in between? And do you think Crabby is Crazy in thinking there's such thing as a Happy Pessimist?

Happy Valentines Day?

[By Crabby]

Valentine's Day is a terrible holiday and I am totally against it.

For one thing, you don't get the day off work, which makes it a crappy excuse for a holiday. But the worst thing is the forced, commercialized nature of it. It pretends to be a celebration, but just seems to put all kinds of weird pressure on the coupled and the uncoupled alike.

Singles often say they feel extra lonely and marginalized, even those who are generally quite happy and content with their unencumbered state.

And even many happily married couples seem to be gritting their teeth a bit. The gals often end up feeling under-appreciated. Because isn't your guy's Valentine's Day performance supposed to be some sort of test of how much he loves you? That's what all the commercials say. Like the pressure to be skinny or eternally youthful--even if you know perfectly well the message is bogus, it's still hard not to be affected by it.

(So, like how come you ended up with the guy who never remembers it's Valentines Day at all, or who'd rather celebrate with pizza and a night in front of the tv? Where's that thoughtful hubby who sends flowers to the office where all the other girls can admire them? And how come other women get those broad-shouldered dudes in black tie who spirit them off in a limo for an elegant dinner, then coyly pull out a $20,000 diamond necklace? Where the hell is your limo ride and diamond necklace, huh?)

As for the men... I'm guessing no matter how diplomatically they've learned to hide it, many must secretly dread the whole thing. Culturally, Valentines Day is not a gender-neutral, equal opportunity occasion. It's a test. If you are a straight couple (one gathers from the tv commercials) the Boy's role is to Come Through with the Goodies. The Girl's role is to Cross Her Fingers and Hope He Doesn't F*ck it Up.

So yeah, I hate Valentine's Day... in theory.

But, well, the Crab and the Lobster do celebrate Valentine's Day anyway and it's pretty much always awesome.

[Sorry, some of you probably didn't need to hear that today].

I think same-sex couples have it a little easier on Valentines Day--we're pretty much left out of the cultural and media conversations. DeBeers has not yet, to my knowledge, tried to put pressure on Susie to spring for an expensive diamond bracelet to prove her love to Pam. The 1-800-Flower people are not bugging Steve to make sure he remembers to send a bouquet to Jonathan on this special day. The advertisers leave us the hell alone. Usually that bugs me, but it this case, I feel like it's actually a favor.

However, there are still plenty of miserable gay people on Valentines Day. Why are the Crab and Lobster so lucky?

Partly it's because we've customized the celebration. There's no pressure--it's just one more chance to say "I love you" and have a really nice dinner out. (Which we may actually have the night before or the night after, when it's easier to get reservations. We don't give a crap about the actual date). We don't do the candy or the flowers anymore, or even cards, because after 17 years, we've done all that stuff enough already. We don't need to make any sort of special statement, other than: you're amazing, I love you, how about steak tonight? It may be coincidence, but other couples we know who enjoy the holiday also tend to take a fairly low-key approach.

(Actually, I think the main reason I still enjoy Valentines Day so much despite all my objections is because the Lobster is an incredible person and a perfect partner. So what's not to celebrate? And yes, we belong to that rare and profoundly annoying species: the blissfully happy couple. Really, I'm not kidding, you best avoid us--we're totally nauseating to be around.)

Anyway, to me, what's wrong with Valentines Day is pretty much what's wrong with our view of romantic relationships generally: we celebrate the superficial and barely acknowledge the deeper stuff.

Just look at how so many people select mates: The sweetest, most reliable, thoughtful guy in the world is considered a "loser" if he's not financially successful. The funniest, kindest, brightest woman in the world is considered hopeless if if she's got a few extra pounds or wasn't blessed with a pretty face. Fortunately, not everyone is so short-sighted--but a lot of people are exactly that superficial. The poster children for "love" are always young and pretty and rich, as though those qualities have anything at all to do with the success of long-term relationships.

So my advice? Screw the arbitrary over-hyped Hallmark version of Valentines Day. If you have love to celebrate, celebrate it every day and any old way you feel like it. And if trading heart shaped boxes of candy once a year makes you happy, then do it and have fun!

Just don't let a bunch of corporate hucksters set your expectations for how love is supposed to be shown. The flower and candy and diamond merchants don't give a hoot about your relationship--they just want your credit card number.

What if you are single on Valentines Day? Try to ignore those ads that imply everyone else out there is (a) coupled and (b) happy about it. Sure, a few of us are, but in most cases, a recent study says couples actually find each other more irritating over time. (Not true of other relationships, apparently, like with your friends or your kids). Just keep in mind that a lot of those guys you see dutifully heading home with huge bouquets of roses are actually feeling kinda pissed off at the gals they're bringing 'em home to.

And if you've got some extra unused love on a day meant to celebrate that emotion? Well, how about spending some on yourself. Strangely enough, you may find you plenty left over for other people you care about too.

How about you folks--do you tend to enjoy Valentine's Day, or do you just wish it would hurry up and be over?

Ah Ha--Just What I Thought!

[By Crabby]

So apparently some Australian researchers took a look at how people search the web for health information. And guess what they found?

People pretty much just pay attention to stuff that confirms what they already believe.

As one of the researchers said: "Even if people read the right material, they are stubborn to changing their views. This means that providing people with the right information on its own may not be enough."

Gosh, what a surprise.

I recognize this "I'm going to believe what I want to believe" tendency in myself, obviously. But I do at least know it's a fault, not a virtue. As much as I spout off my opinions, I am at least kind of aware they're opinions, and I try to take other points of view into consideration. Sometimes, I even change my mind!

So this study got me to thinking about the idea psychological maturity. Because I think the ability to get past your own biases and take in new information has something to do with that. So we'll leave the dull topic of "health information on the web" far behind as I go out on a limb and invent my own Simplistic Psychological Dichotomy!

Unfortunately, personality traits do not come in convenient black and white categories. But it's much more fun to pretend they do instead of dealing with a big messy continuum. So for the sake of discussion, we're going to divide the world up into two kinds of people: the Screaming Baby-Heads, and Wishy-Washy Grown-Ups.

Who are the Screaming Baby-Heads? Well, their whole lives are like the Australian study. They only take in information they want to take in. They just haven't achieved the ego-strength to separate their own desires, biases, emotions, and fantasies from reality. A "reality" apart from their own self-interest is too threatening and just not very much fun, so it can't exist.

The Wishy-Washy Grown-Ups, while not immune from Baby-Headedness in certain circumstances, have at least learned that they filter "reality" through their own perception. These people acknowledge, at least in theory, that they are not always right about everything. They know that even if they really want something to be true, sometimes it isn't. When evidence changes or new perspectives emerge, they may even (gasp) change their minds. These people are not, obviously, allowed to head up corporations or run our governments or even be listened to much anymore because they "flip-flop" and they're not decisive, strong, and steadfast like people who never question themselves. They're boring when they speak because they're always saying things like "possibly" and "I could be wrong" and "on the other hand."

I have a strong suspicion that most regular readers of Cranky Fitness spend the majority of their time being Wishy Washy Grown Ups, which is why I love you all. Even a brief perusal of the comments section reveals curiosity, open-mindedness, respect for others' points of view, and self-deprecating humor, all, in my opinion, hallmarks of emotionally mature adults. So what if that attitude may not get you elected or chosen to star in any reality tv shows? I still say, hooray for WWGU's!

(And actually, not all Screaming Baby-Heads are obnoxious over-confident assholes. There are different kinds of baby-headedness. Some SBH's can freely admit to mistakes, and can actually be really nice to people with whom they don't agree. But, like the obnoxious variety, these babyheads are incapable of believing that their own emotions and desires are not reality. These people fall for the same sociopathic boyfriends over and over, max out their credit cards for luxuries and expect no consequences, and keep believing those ads for miracle diets that will allow them to lose 50 lbs a month while eating all they want.)

So, assuming most of you are WWGU's and know all about the joys and disappointments of boring every-day fact-based reality, here's a brief guide to the life on the other side.

What's good about being a Screaming Baby-Head? Plenty! Check it out:

• Life is simple.
• All the people you like are good people.
• Coincidentally, all the people you don't like are bad people.
• You are the center of the universe.
• Your religion is 100% right and everyone else is screwed, but that's okay because they must deserve it for some reason.
• Your chances of buying a winning lotto ticket are much higher than anyone else's.
• Even though bad things may happen, they will probably go away soon and are never your fault.
• If you are angry at someone, they must have done something very bad to make you angry. Conveniently enough, your emotions are always a perfect mirror of reality. This means you never need to apologize for anything!
  
• If you are attracted to someone, it's because they're perfect.
• If you are no longer attracted to someone who seemed perfect, this is because they are evil and they tricked you. This makes it easy to move on with no regrets.
• Whatever you desire, you deserve.
  
• You don't have to worry about how your actions affect others, because you never do anything wrong.
• Tomorrow is always going to be way better than today, because you're special!
• Because TV networks, box-office hits, and political campaigns are totally tapped into the SBH market, there's always something good to watch and someone great to vote for!
  

Pretty nice, huh? If you're a Wishy-Washy Grown Up grappling with a subtle, complicated, conflicted reality, being a Screaming Baby-Head can start to look pretty darn attractive.

So what's bad about being a Screaming Baby-Head?

• Oddly enough, considering you're such a special person, you don't catch as many breaks as other people. For example, you may get fired for no reason at all!
• Again, strangely, since you're incredibly likable, many people are not nice to you and even people who don't deserve you as a friend don't even try very hard to get to know you.
• People who start off "good people" can instantly turn evil.
  
• Most mystifying of all: so many things keep turning out differently than they should! Where is that happy marriage, that fit healthy body, that rewarding career, that fortune in the bank you deserve? What the hell is up with that?

Someone is obviously responsible for the frustrations of the SBH's. Obviously, it's not their fault... must be some Evil Conspiracy by a bunch of those Wishy-Washy Grown Ups?

Of course I have plenty of babyheadedness of my own to deal with, as I assume we all do... but do any of you know any real Babyheads out there? Or is the whole notion sort of, well, Babyheaded?

Embitterment Disorder: Cool, A Brand New Disease!

[By Crabby]

(OK, So It's Not In a Text Book Yet, But Let's Pretend.)

I don't know why, but I'm always amused whenever the psychological researchers try to introduce a potential new mental disorders (like, say, cyberchondria or blogitis). Perhaps it's that process of taking behavior that seems "part of regular life," (however f*cked up regular life may be), and medicalizing it. Does this mean there will be a pill for it soon? (And will it be a bitter pill to swallow?)

Which is not to say these phenomena aren't real and painful--but pretty soon we're all just going to have to declare ourselves psychological basket cases of one sort or another. None of us will have personalities anymore, just clinical diagnoses.

So this latest study talks about a new potential diagnosis: post-traumatic embitterment disorder. (Quick translation: being all bitter because something bad happened to you.) Being too cheap to subscribe to actual scholarly journals, I can only work off the embitterment abstract, but to me the whole study seemed, well, kind of dumb.

(A brief digression: I love the idea of psychological research, because, well, people are bizarre and fascinating and I want to know why, don't you? But the actual studies themselves--I've read a ton of them and they're pretty much all lame. They're always proposing some obscure model or explaining something obvious in confusing made-up language. I studied psychology for many years--but I can't say I learned much of anything useful, in terms of helping or understanding people, from any of these studies. Microbiology? That's a science. Psychology? I'm not sure it is, yet.)

Anyway, back to Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder. It's defined as "prolonged embitterment, severe additional psychopathological symptoms and great impairment in most areas of life in reaction to a severe negative but not life threatening life event."

Did the abstract include the interesting part, that is, how do you define "embittermnent?" Nope. Are you clinically bitter? No way to know from this. There's apparently a scale, the Bern Embitterment Scale, which sounds very useful to administer to potential spouses, co-workers, friends, or whatever, but I couldn't find any info on it. What do you ask to get people to admit it? "Hell yeah, I'm a bitter pain-in-the-ass to be around, thanks for asking."

So basically what they did for this "study" was they gathered up a bunch of people they already decided fit this description, and compared them to 50 other mentally ill people who didn't. The bitter people were more depressed, suffered more adjustment problems, but were less anxious than the others. Okay, whatever.

But bitterness is an interesting psychological concept. I'm going to ditch the scientists for a moment and struggle with my own conception of what it is and why it's so hard to be around.

Because to me, it's more than mere crankiness (thank goodness). You can bitch and complain about all kinds of things and still be a basically happy well-adjusted person. To me it feels like there's not just depression and negativity about bitterness--it also seems tinged with hostility and entitlement too. Not just "why did this bad thing happen," but "why did this bad thing happen to ME and not YOU? Bad things always happening to ME and they shouldn't. And I'm not going to do anything different to avoid bad things, either, because none of them are MY fault."

But maybe that's just my idea of what bitterness sounds like. You all may have better suggestions as to what we're actually talking about when we say someone is bitter.

Another question: why are the researchers focusing on post-traumatic bitterness, the kind you would get as a result of having an Awful Thing happen? In my experience, bitterness is more interesting (and I think more prevalent) as a personality issue, not as a response to stress.

We all know people suffering from Bitter Personality Disorder, whether they call it that yet or not. They're bitter when something bad happens and bitter when something good happens. It's a world view that often seems independent of actual life events. We've all know people who've been through horrendous trauma and aren't bitter--but other people who stay bitter for weeks over a parking ticket that they totally deserved.

Anyway, I think a better question about those suffering from Embitterment Disorder: how do we get them de-bitterized? That would be useful information.