"Smart Choices" at the Supermarket?

Photo: Trevor D.

So did you see the article in the New York Times about the new "Smart Choices" food labeling campaign?

Yes, the handy labels are showing up in grocery stores now, part of a corporate conspiracy educational campaign by the country’s major food manufacturers to let you know which are the best and healthiest food options for your family. If it's got the little "Smart Choice" label, you are supposed to be able to relax and buy it without guilt, because it's good for you!


Due to the strict standards the food industry has adopted, obviously not every product makes the list. Only nutritional power-houses, like Chocolate Teddy Grahams, Cocoa Krispies, and Fudgsicles get the coveted "Smart Choice" seal of approval.

Seriously--they are all "Smart Choices."

Oh, but of course you can't live on chocolate alone. Remember the advice to eat lots of different colored foods for optimal nutrition? Good thing Froot Loops are an approved Smart Choice too!

Just look at all that Nutrition!
Photo: dresdnhope

Now I have to admit that on first hearing about this, I had a screaming, cursing, spitting, hair-pulling fit brief moment of concern over the wisdom of this new labeling scheme.

A few minor quibbles and questions occurred to me, like:

• Breakfast foods containing 41% sugar by weight are good for us? Really?


• Adding vitamin supplements to nutritionally bankrupt processed junk foods makes them healthy "smart choices," even though research tells us supplements don't work as well as naturally occurring nutrients, and in some cases can even be dangerous?


• Breads that contain no whole grains whatsoever can be "smart choices" if they add some calcium and vitamins?

But after swallowing a handful of valium some moments of calm reflection, I realized I was being unnecessarily pessimistic about this new labeling campaign. I simply had to adjust my mindset.

Here's how I learned to stop worrying and love the new Smart Choices!


1. They're a Time-Saver. These "smart choice" labels were designed with the busy consumer in mind. Why spend precious time reading ingredient lists to see what you're eating when you could just let the people selling it tell you it's good for you?

Now many of us know the reason you do have to read the ingredients: because descriptive claims like "smart" and "healthy" are often lies. Even numbers, like "0 grams of transfat!" aren't always true.

But every now and then, even careful consumers can get hornswoggled by nutritional claims on the front of the box. A product says "100% whole grain" and we carelessly assume that this is true, because why the hell else would they be allowed to say that?

Well, with the majority of food manufacturers getting together to adopt this new program, and products like Froot Loops proudly bearing the "Smart Choices" label, we can no longer delude ourselves that food manufacturers are anything other than big fat liars.

From now on, the message is clear: DO NOT TRUST ANYTHING THAT BIG FOOD COMPANIES SAY! This is depressing, but it's much simpler than trying to sort out individual health claims on all those bags and boxes.

So your options are: either try to eat whole foods; seek out niche companies that specialize in healthy (often expensive) convenience foods; or go straight to the ingredients list of any major brand and ignore anything they say on the front of the package.

2. The Coming Demographic Crisis: Solved! You know all those dire predictions about how there are so many baby boomers who will be hitting retirement soon, and so few people who are going to be paying into Social Security? Ever wonder how a dwindling number of young working people can support all those elderly retirees?

Well, here's the solution: let's just kill off those boomers a little earlier! How about we increase the incidence of heart disease, diabetes, cancer, obesity, and other slow-but-sure killers by convincing the U.S. population that junky processed foods are really actually health foods? Eat up, America, the Social Security administration thanks you!

3. A whole new growth industry! In these challenging times, we desperately need new ideas that will get consumers spending money again so we can turn the economy around. And I think this "Smart Choices" labeling has promise!

Just as the processed food industry is fighting back against those pesky claims that they're "bad" for us by adding vitamins and calling them "smart choices," I think similar health campaigns could help a lot of industries. Just use your imagination:

• Gun manufacturers can include anti-bacterial wipes and bandages with all semi-automatic weapons, clearing making these a "Smart Choice" for conflict resolution.


• Cigarette makers can include fold-out sudoku and crossword puzzles inside to build brain power, making them a "Smart Choice" in the addictive-and-fatal-but-legal drug market.


• Street corner prostitutes who market to johns in cars can distribute "wear your seatbelt" brochures to be the "Smart Choice" in the sexual entertainment market.


• And neighborhood loan sharks can hand out gambler's anonymous literature right after beating clients to a pulp for overdue gambling debts, making them the "Smart Choice" in the short-term unsecured loan industry.

See, it's all in how you look at things!

So do you think I'm being too hard on our nation's processed food manufacturers (not to mention stupid, because they sometimes give us Free Stuff?) What do you think of the "Smart Choice" program?

Does Food = Mood?

[By Merry]

Visualize Whirled Peas

They say that you are what you eat. My shape could be described as resembling a big mac (hold the pickles and lettuce).

Food can make you happy. Can food also make you cranky?
A lot of people who are overweight can attest that food can make you (in the short-term) happy. They have developed their full figures because of relying on comfort food (i.e. food that is high in fat) to make them feel better when times are hard.

Just out of curiosity -- why does no one ever try comfort carrots? High on the glycemic index (but not on the glycemic load), carrots are also full of fiber. Plus if you're stressed you can crunch on them and get some of your aggression out. How often have you seen a cranky rabbit?

Rabbit angst... not a pretty sight...

And obviously eating a lot of sugary foods can make you hyper, just as -- so some people say -- eating all the Thanksgiving turkey can make you sleepy. (According to some experts, all that tryptophan in the turkey can make you sleepy. And all this time you thought it was Aunt Marge's habit of pulling out the grandchild photographs that was making you nod off after the T-day dinner.)

Can it work the other way? Can food actually promote anger?
Some of Britain's most challenging young prisoners are to be given food supplements in a study aimed at curbing violent behavior.

Just think! We could promote world peace (or at least whirled peas) by making sure everyone gets decent meals.

Somehow that sounds waaaay too simple. Yes, if no one ever had to worry about putting food on the table, or making sure their table isn't foreclosed on, then I suppose there would be less anger in the world.

Does food = mood?

In some circumstances this makes sense, but all the time? I'm not sure. I can see food being used for all kinds of cranky and indeed lethal behavior. (The Twinkie Defense springs to mind.) What do you think?

"Healthy" Convenience Foods: The Never-ending Quest

Are you one of those virtuous people who eats only natural whole foods, often purchased from local growers or grown yourself? Do you, without fail, take these wholesome ingredients and lovingly fashion them into delicious meals and snacks, cooking everything from scratch?

Good for you! Could you please come over to Crabby's house now and do the same for her?

Ah well, it was worth a try.

Whole foods and home cooking with only healthy ingredients is what the magazines act like we're all doing, and it's certainly the ideal. We all know a diet of mostly processed food is a Really Stupid Idea. (For example, this recent depressing study noted that British four year olds were getting roughly twice as much salt as they should from processed foods and that it was already showing up in their blood pressure readings).

But if you're not totally dedicated, exceptionally creative, and super well-organized, it can be a struggle. You need time, and nearby healthy food retailers, and cooperative (or at least coercible) family members in order to have any hope of banishing processed convenience foods from your life. It's theoretically possible. However, it ain't happening anytime soon at the Crab and Lobster household.

So for those of us who are perhaps not so creative or dedicated: we have our little repertoire of home cooked meals, which we make as often as we can stand. And we have our favorite restaurants and semi-healthy take-out options. (Crabby just discovered Pizzeria Paradiso, a D.C. pizza place that makes a tasty pie with a whole wheat crust. Paired with a salad: a quick dinner with minimal guilt!

Some of the time though, we end up buying stuff that's been pre-made or processed and packaged up for later. We buy crackers or bread or frozen enchiladas or pancake mixes or lunch-meats or canned beans or tofutti cuties. And as soon as we push our carts past the pyramids of fresh produce and venture into the rest of the grocery store? We have to pass through the gates of CompromiseLand.

(This is different from Don'tGiveaCrapWorld, where the majority of people seem to shop. Their stores are vast and their aisles are packed with tons of tempting options).

You know the drill. Say you've seen an ad for a new breakfast cereal. It promises to be whole grain and healthy but tasty, packed with healthy fruit and nuts. You are skeptical but perhaps you're just a tiny bit tired of your same old oatmeal every day, and you're tempted by the idea of the sweet crunch of a "regular" breakfast cereal like everyone else gets to eat. You locate the box and maybe it IS healthier than most! It's fairly low in calories, high fiber, a decent amount of protein, but whoa... look at all that sodium! And it's sweetened with high fructose corn syrup!

Do you buy it?

Sometimes we do and sometimes we don't. Crabby's kitchen cupboards contain an embarrassing quantity of products that are "the best she could do." They're better than most but there's usually something wrong with them. They're not a total all out Junky but Yummy Treat, like transfat-packed cookies or something. But then they're not a virtuous sack of dried lentils, either.

Convenience Foods are on Crabby's mind more than usual lately, because she has just moved within four blocks of the Holy Grail for Almost-Healthy Convenience Food: A Trader Joe's!

Have you been there? Crabby has visited other locations over the years but hadn't ever lived close by enough to become a regular. So every couple of days she comes back with some new convenience item to try: Pre-cooked Microwaveable Brown Rice! Unsalted Blue Tortilla Chips! Fancy Greek Yogurt! Whole Wheat Pretzels! Dark-Chocolate Covered Almonds! Cheap Frozen Calamari! Black Bean Taquitos! Whole Wheat Low-Carb Tortillas!

So far, most of these Trader Joe items seem to be pretty reasonable compromise foods. They taste anywhere from OK to yummy, and they do their best to eliminate or minimize Bad Things. Some she will probably get tired of soon because that often happens--the novelty of the new item fades and somehow the "packaged" part of the flavor starts to stand out more. Crabby is rather promiscuous when it comes to convenience foods and few go on to become household staples.

Crabby's current favorite item is the Fage Nonfat Greek Yogurt, which is incredibly rich and tasty and high in protein (and expensive!). When mixed with vanilla and the sweetener of your choice, it tastes like freakin' cheese cake. (The Trader Joe's brand of Greek Yogurt, while much cheaper, tastes kind of salty and sour). The Scariest Item she's brought home? It's those low carb tortillas. The ingredients sound more appropriate for insulating your house than wrapping around a pile of beans and cheese and putting in your mouth. But the dang things only have 50 calories, they have an insane amount of fiber and protein, and they don't even taste bad.

It's funny though: we all have our own idea about what a Somewhat Acceptable Compromise Convenience Foods is--and our ideas may be totally different!

So while there are lots of Scummy Marketeers trying to lie to us about blatantly unhealthy food, even the products that are Sincerely Trying to be Good still end up falling short for many of us. Because Weight Watcher people need to prioritize their Points, and whole-food crunchy people need everything be as natural and organic as possible, while others are being extra careful about saturated fats or white flour or sugar or sodium or calories or fiber or transfats or the correct ratio of Omega 3's to Omega 6's.

Then there's the fact that everyone has their own personal health histories and nutritional goals. Plus, sometimes "reasonably healthy and convenient" means "astronomically expensive" and not everyone can go down that road. And some people stubbornly insist that their convenience food actually taste good!

The result is, while most whole foods work for nearly everyone, any packaged product is going to seem like a Toxic Poison to someone and a Gift From Heaven to someone else. It's sort of like looking for the perfect iTunes workout playlist: everyone agrees it's a great thing to have, but no two people would chose the same one. And other people's choices can seem downright ridiculous!

So Crabby would never presume to come up with a list of Best and Healthiest Convenience Foods. But she's still curious to hear about what you all look for and what you've found that's good! She would love some new ideas. (Has anyone, for instance, found a whole wheat pasta that doesn't taste like the box it came in?) Or, in contrast, since she tends to be a sucker for ads about Some Favorite Old Forbidden Convenience Food which has had a New Healthy Makeover, what should she be warned to stay far, far away from?