When Exercise Plans Go Awry: The Ball's in Your Court

By Crabby McSlacker

Hi y'all!

Yep, as you can tell by my accent, I'm still in Texas. Our place in Provincetown Massachusetts is still undergoing renovation.

And how's that going?

Since our move-in date is fast approaching, we were curious ourselves. So a few days ago some kind friends of ours stopped by the place to snap an encouraging picture for us and...

Um....

Still a little work to do, apparently.

Of course there are all sorts of tempting analogies I could draw between home remodeling and fitness. Because home improvement and self improvement projects have a lot in common, right? Both require patience, planning, determination, a long-term perspective, and copious amounts of alcohol.

Wait, there's something not quite right about that list. Something's on there that really shouldn't be. Ah yes, you're all ahead of me here: it's planning.

Screw planning. Whatever you plan for? Some other different shit is going to happen instead.

But this is a health and fitness blog, albeit an aging, whiny, slackerish, meandering, half-assed, bizarro version of a health and fitness blog. And if I don't put up a post soon? It's going to be a dead health and fitness blog with no readers at all. That would suck.

So how about a real life example of Coping When Best Laid Exercise Plans Go Awry?

Bad Fitness Poetry, Yet Again

photo: wikimedia

By Crabby McSlacker

In case you weren't permanently scarred by the Whole Foods Haiku post (continued over at Fitness Tabby by Dave, with much more wit and skill), here is some more awful health and fitness poetry!... Or should I say fitness Poe-etry?


Once upon a treadmill dreary,
While I slogged there, weak and weary
Watching others 'round me walking, running, jogging, or just gawking;
Summoning determination... suddenly, an inspiration!
Check my steps for motivation:
Surely I'll have steps galore!

London: Visitor's Guide to Healthy Food & Fitness

photo: karmetic peace at deviant art

Guest Post by Helen Foster

So this is the last of the great guest posts for a while--I'm heading home from Budapest tomorrow. And I'm looking forward to boring the snot out of you all with tales and pictures, many of which deal with the very same theme: trying to find healthy food and exercise options while traveling.

London was not on my itinerary this trip, alas, but it is an amazing and wonderful city and a popular travel destination. It's a hell of a lot more likely you're going there someday than Budapest, right?  So Helen's got you covered with some great tips!  And there are many more over at her informative and hilarious website, Health-e-Helen, because she's British and lives and breathes this health and fitness stuff.

If her name sounds familiar, it's because I wrote about her awesome (and cheap) fitness ebook Gymspiration a while back, in a post about a one-question personality test which I stole from her. Plus she's on the blogroll, and I'm hoping some of you remember to click over sometimes when her posts come up.

Anyway, I've been having a grand old time, and I will eventually have lots to share about that when I get back to blogging. Whether that's a promise or a threat is an open question.

So please welcome Helen!--Crabby

When I found out Crabby was needing guest posts I was jumping up and down waving my hand in the air faster than you can say ‘yay, I get to write for my blog idol’. Of course then the doubt set in – what can I write about? What do I know more about than Crabby? What have I done? Can I feign amnesia?........then Crabby gave me the answer herself.

I’m British and on my blog health-e-helen I’d written about a delivery service in London offering low-carb, broccoli bread pizza and Crabby was coveting a slice. The word visit was mentioned. Aha, I thought – if Crabby wants to come to London and eat low-carb pizza so might Crabby’s readers! And they might want to do other healthy stuff too while they’re here. And that I know about. See no longer is London a wasteland for the fit and healthy. Yes, we all still drink like fishes and have slightly wonky teeth but we’re catching up when it comes to the healthy stuff. So , here we have it, The Health-e Guide To Healthy London.

Deciding I Don't Want to Die

Photo: Ann Larie Valentine

By Genie; posted by Crabby McSlacker

I am seriously psyched to bring you this guest post--it’s quite inspiring and motivating, as you shall soon see. And another cool thing? This was sent by a heretofore anonymous “lurker,” who challenged herself to tell her story in a more public venue. 

However, I need a favor here. I'm hoping that when you get to the end and think to yourselves: "I want to hear more from Genie, she should have a blog of her own!" that you keep your big traps shut about that, ok?  Say instead, "I hear starting a new blog is kind of a pain in the ass, but you should really keep contributing posts to Crabby's blog!"

Got that?

OK, I'm off gallivanting in NYC but I leave you in good hands today; please welcome Genie!

--Crabby

When Crabby sent out an invitation for guest posts, I thought, “Why the hell not?” So I mustered my courage and sent out an email with a short version of my story. Her response was so warm and immediate, I had to “screw my courage to the sticking place” (apologies to Lady Macbeth) and do it.

For better or worse then, this is the short version of how I decided I didn’t want to die anymore.

Three Annoying Questions...For Charlotte of The Great Fitness Experiment

Number 3 Photo: Leo Reynolds

By Crabby McSlacker

This is the first in a series of "3 Annoying Questions" posts, designed to torture the bloggers and health experts who most inspire us!

The questions may vary, but I will probably always ask, in some form, what people hate about healthy living. This is Cranky Fitness after all.

But otherwise, it's pretty darn self-explanatory.  So shall we get to it?

Bright Lights, Big City

[Times Square Photo: Francisco Diez]

It's funny, Times Square has to be one of my least favorite New York 'hoods, but I love the way this photo captures the sense of being in certain parts of New York City.

The energy! The ambition! The excitement! The cheerfully wasteful excess as bazillions of kilowatts are unleashed solely to promote mindless consumerism!

Though I'm sorry, if you are a certain age, this location may have tripped a few rusty switches in the memory banks. Massive apologies if I have subjected you to Eva Gabor and Eddie Albert debating country versus city living in one of the most annoying tv theme songs earworms ever. Or is it just me who can't see "Times Square" without hearing:

 "The Chores!"

 "The Stores!"

 "Fresh Air!"

 "Times Square!" ?

(Which then leads to the worst couplet of all:

 "You are my wife..."

   "Goodbye, city life!" 

...but we'll save that rant for another time).

Eva Gabor: Not Exactly a Feminist Icon

Anyway, so what does New York City have to do with health and fitness?

World Class Fitness Destination: Toronto!

So sure, this is not a comprehensive list of all the exercise and activity options while visiting Toronto. For example: the whole question of winter. I have no idea what the hell Canadians do about that. Does shivering count as cardio?

In fact, this is just a crapload of inexpertly taken camera-phone photos as we continued to enjoy our Toronto house-swap adventure. But I did at least have fitness in mind as I snapped a few of them. And I've organized them by Healthy Activity Theme. So potential Toronto visitors who are concerned about over-consumption of tempting treats like poutine and canine testicles may find some reassurance that you can make up for dietary sins with lots of exercise.

So, ready for our Toronto tour?

Keeping Fit On the Road (Or Not): Crappy Travel Pictures Part I

Gosh, isn't it wonderful when a health blogger hits the road, and instead of sharing useful information they just slop a bunch of cameraphone pics into a blog post?

Um, well, ok, it's not wonderful, but that's what we got today. No one visits the blog over the weekend anyway, and there's a great guest post coming up next week.

Some of the photos do actually have something to do with health and fitness. But many are just gratuitous selfies and wifeys or are fascinating-to-no-one-but-me aspects of our campervan travel routine. Pretty much all of them highlight the fact I can't focus (literally or figuratively) to save my life.

So, care to join Crabby and The Lobster on Week One of our August Adventure?

Cheers!

Just beefin' up our Vitamin B consumption!