February 08, 2010

How Did I Get Here?

(Image: 姒儿喵喵)

In case you were thinking the title of this post was some deep philosophical or theological question... Um, nope.

This is Cranky Fitness after all. Depending upon our personal proclivities, we're more likely to be ruminating on scantily clad Italian soccer players,

or buffed female Olympic swimmers,

or cupcakes.

We're not all that big on philosophical or theological exploration.

So the title "How Did I Get Here?" just refers to the perplexed reaction some people must have upon arriving at Cranky Fitness, given the curious and sometimes amusing google searches that led them to click on our link.

And yes, almost every other blogger on the planet has done this post already, but I haven't yet, and always wanted to and time is running out! Looking at the stats and finding out who's visiting and how they found you--it's one of those secret fun things about having a blog, even if it's really hard to explain to normal people at cocktail parties.

Anyway, the weird thing is not just that some of these recent searches are quirky; it's that they led someone here, to our little cranky home. Did the person who came here looking for "Big poo in ladies public toilet" find what they were looking for in the Cranky Fitness archives?

I kind of hope not.

Some searches are totally on target, and I always love seeing a question we can help with. If you're trying to discover "is 1 simple rule a scam" or hunting down "kuru shoe review"? No problem, we're here for you! But many searchers are not so lucky.

Of course one category of Cranky mis-googling is entirely my fault: those coming from Falsely Salacious Keywords. I once wrote a post on sports bras and liberally sprinkled around terms like "Great Big Bouncy Breasts," and even though that was years ago, "big bouncy breasts" still generates a fairly respectable number of hits every day. It boggles the mind how anyone could get here with that query, since the post, being old and irrelevant, must be on page 248,321 of the breast-related google search results. Big breast seekers are apparently a very determined bunch.

So here, arranged by category, are a few random searches from the last few weeks that brought folks to this blog:

Sorry, wish we could help!
Some offbeat queries make me wish Cranky Fitness actually did have some useful information on the topic in question:

Free sex romance movies
magical weight loss
elliptical machine bubble butt

80’s aerobic porn
exercise videos for lazy people

Kirstie goes beserk
Sex and the country lady
evil blender poems
Brad pitt’s butt
Doctoral degrees that earn big bucks
Cranky yoga pants
Aerobic oops
Drill sergeant love

Not So Sorry!
But others just make me think: eww, go away:

2 girls chased in gym porn
embarrassing pictures of girls

Afv Pull underwear down video
Absolutely free bouncing breast
Dyke gym teacher showers

Adult drinking breast milk
Housesitting coworker cheating sex
Don’t wash I’m coming home
fitness teen sex
bit tits, white girls
crossfit porn
fat ass pussy girls model
women penis size
Breast milk is gross

The Apparent Death of Introspection:
And then there's the category of: Is google really the best place to ask this question? It makes you wonder what people think google is, exactly.

Am I naked?
can I get rid of all my belongings and start over?
can I put carrots on my salad?
can I quit the gym?
Why do i look so young naked?
What can I change about myself to make next year better?
What motivates me?

And, Um, Why do you Ask?
Then there are the searches that seem to suggest a curious, disturbing, or intriguing back-story behind the question:

“chia" seeds "stolen"
Can a dog overdose on splenda?
fat acceptance salad
can your earlobes die
earlobe serial killers
furman eat to live gas
unusual vaginas
braces boyfriend circumcised
burn notice flavor of yogurt
turkey weight loss training

Big breasts with fish oil
fall of bellydancing is hard to handle
chin hairs Czech women
can you sit by the window and not get rickets
calling in sick at sears
when your cat thinks its in charge
fish oil on booty

And I'd be curious to hear what other bloggers find brings folks to their own sites. Do you get interesting search terms?

Or, if you don't have a blog, you can still play a voyeuristic google games. The Bloggess tipped me off to one: type in the beginnings of a search into google, then see what the auto-complete suggestions are for finishing your question. These are presumably the most popular inquiries, and yet... hmm. Innocuous beginnings like "why are..." or "is my..." may lead in unpredictable directions. You can also throw in a celebrity's name: "Does Oprah..." "Is Sarah Palin ..." and see what issues people are wondering about. (And if you figure out whether Oprah really has 6 toes per foot or not, let me know okay?))

And does anyone remember how they got here to Cranky Fitness in the first place?


  1. I never did get around to saying that I'd miss you...mainly because I was in denial that you're leaving. :)

    I don't remember how I got here, but I do know that I don't have the back story to any of those search terms...

  2. Ahahaha, I love what brings people to my blog, but this is eight thousand times funnier.

  3. I don't want to even tell you what folks were searching for when they found MY site. You'll lose your faith in humanity...

  4. I wonder who you'll get now that you published those search terms. Scary!!

  5. I think I got to Cranky Fitness because it was on someone's blog list and not from one of those disturbing Google searches (and a lot of those are really disturbing!)To think I thought it was weird that the number one search that brings people to my site is "Should I vomit from working out?"

  6. And I thought my junk e-mail was interesting...

    I saw Cranky Fitness on someone's blog list.

  7. Oops - never thought to look here on Sunday. Well, it saved a great laugh for early Monday morning!

    I came through the one-rule-flat-stomach route. I was sooo curious, but just could not go straight to the site to find out what it was up to, so I googled, & there you were! I almost laughed myself under the table. When I came out & dusted myself off, I started sending others your way. What a great place to hang out! And how we will miss you!

    Winnie - aka anonymous (meaning I never quite figured out/remembered the google id process)

  8. Oh. So I'm a bit off on the calendar. It wasn't Sunday, after all. Just can't wait to see the last of February. If only it weren't associated with losing Cranky Fitness.

  9. Yes, I do remember how "I got Cranky [Fitness]." I found you by way of MizFit's blog. I must say that I'm going to miss the humor here at CF. Thanks for the laughs and serious research too. Cheers ~

  10. I think I found you via MizFit, who I found via PastaQueen, if I remember correctly.

  11. I read the name "Cranky Fitness" in a list of blogs, and decided that anyone who thinks fitness is a subject to make you cranky must have something worthwhile to say. I was right!

  12. How in the world did I find you? I can't remember. Probably a link from another blog, but I don't remember which. Any which way - glad I did!

    No fun google results for me. I have mine set to be hidden from the search engines. *shrug* Maybe someday I'll open it up to the masses. Until then, people find me from places I post or they know me in real life.

    Now, pass me a cupcake, will you?

  13. I got here linked from another site - don't remember which one though...

    And those are hilarious. Never checked my own out, but on my itty little site I'm sure it's nothing NEARLY as amusing as that. But my spam comments crack me up sometimes!

  14. Evil blender poems? Somebody came up with Cranky Fitness by searching for evil blender poems? How did I not know that before? Crabby, you been holding out on me!

    I just know that somewhere in the archives there's a frustrated my-blender-doesn't-work piece of verse ending with the line "Blender, you bastard, I'm through."

  15. I found you from someone's blog roll - can't remember who, now. Those search terms make me think I'm leading a rather boring life, not searching for um, such INTERESTING things!

  16. Evil blender poems! We needs them!

    I still can't remember how I got here, but I wasn't searching for anything. I know I followed a link, but from where? and why?

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  17. I know I found your site in a list, can't remember if it was a magazine, or on another site. But I love it! I laughed a little too much reading this post.

  18. I can't believe my guest post is still generating hits for you! *grin*

    I came here through my cousin Leah's blog, The Goat's Lunch Pail.

  19. Fun stuff. I don't have a long history log going on search terms so I only have about 20 at a time. The best one of this lot was "find a cure before i grow"

    I found you through Frank's blog, I think.. pretty sure. :)

  20. Too funny. 80s aerobic - porn?

  21. I don't recall how I found your blog in the beginning, but I was really attracted to read what you wrote by the word "cranky" so I stayed. It had nothing to do with fitness - that much I know.

  22. I have someone from Pakistan who gets to me with "mention the phrases for tact good at knowing what to say". And it cracks me up because the person looks up the exact same thing like 10 times a day...no changing the search words or anything. Same thing several days out of the week. I'm about to say hello to them in my title or something.
    But holy crap...can your earlobes die? I'm having like a serious breakdown worrying about my ears now.

  23. Okay... I never actually learned how to look that information up. Can you tell me how to find out what people search for in order to be led to my blog? You have peaked my curiousity!

  24. By the way, I found you the first day or two of starting my own blog by searching for top weight loss blogs and it came up with a post you had done a short while before (August'ish) listing who you thought had great sites. Your blog actually led me to a few other great sites that I still follow.

  25. Those are funny keywords! =D I got here through one of the other fitness blogs out there. I forget which one exactly.

  26. How'd I get here?

    I was arguing with someone on a blogging forum that he's not going to get anywhere having Yet Another Generic Fitness blog - that he needed a different take on it, like, oh, exercise for people like me who are athletically challenged. I Googled the phrase "fitness for the clumsy", to see if anyone had a blog on such a crazy subject, and there you were.

    And then I proved my point by saying, "Oh, cool!" and bookmarking you.

    My own blogs' traffic records, on the other hand, show no entertaining search terms at all. I am dull.

  27. I wish I could recall what got me here!!
    I was thinking about that this weekend as I was sharing the crabby love (with jes from blogher).

  28. Women's penis size & unusual vaginas along with the rest! OMG! We are going to miss you!!!! :-) and :-(

  29. God I'm going to miss you guys.

    Oh, 266--to get site stats, I think you need to sign up for something and put some tracking code in. It's not hard (or I wouldn't have managed it). I have Google Analytics and Statcounter. It really is endlessly entertaining!

  30. I got here looking for blogs related to wellness as part of my work in book publishing. Your blog was listed #2 under fitness. What a hoot.

  31. Just add those three pictures together and you'll have the answer to the meaning of life!

  32. I got here through Miz Fit by way of a friend from scale junkie's healthy you by way of one of the first people to reply to a post of mine. Whew!!
    Craziness. I wouldn't even know how to find mine! Mine is supposed to not be found that way but like that works!

  33. So...AM I naked? This is not answering my question at all.

  34. I found you from cousin Leah's blog. I was thinking: Fitness? why do I want to read about fitness? But the Cranky part drew me in and I have been a fan ever since.

  35. I just found you when I googled "buff female swimmer".
    Wow, "can your earlobes die" and "burn notice flavor of yogurt" kind of made me die laughing. I think that means it's time to go to bed.

    1. Thanks jjj! Glad you googled in, and hey if ya got tips on where I can find some buff female swimmers you can NEVER have too many!


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