Nah, Crabby is still very much here, busy preparing for Thanksgiving -- in fact, she's probably in the kitchen this very moment
(For further explanation as to Mary's mysterious presence here and other Blog Announcements, see the preceding post in which
But don't go anywhere before testing your holiday readiness with the...
HOLIDAY SURVIVAL QUIZ!
1. Your aunt Gussie serves the world's richest brownies. She also can whip up a formidable side dish of Guilt if you don't appreciate her food. Food is love. Refusing her brownies would lead into a treacherous quagmire of intrafamilial politics and possibly World War III. What do you do?
a) Gush enthusiastically, and put the tray of brownies on the low table, which by an amazing coincidence is exactly on the same level as your three-year-old nephew and your cousin's four-year-old twins. Look puzzled when, a few minutes later, the tray is completely empty.
b) Take one brownie. Tell your aunt Gussie that you promised your mother you would always chew your food 30 times. Lose count and have to start over again.
c) Eat the whole tray of brownies yourself and resolve to do better next time.
2. Your aunt Agnes has sent you her best regards and… cue dramatic music… her DAFC (dreaded annual fruit cake). Luckily, she lives on the other side of the continent. You can either:
a) Write her a blissfully ecstatic thank you card and throw the DAFC in the trash.
b) Write a b.e.t.y. card and save the fruitcake for the office lunchroom.
c) Eat the damn thing, which will of course make you so nauseous that you are disinclined to eat ever again, thus resulting in a negative caloric gain over the holidays. Don't forget the thank you card.
3. Your aunt Petey lives across town. There is no escape when she comes over for a holiday dinner with a pleased look on her face and a dish of a marshmallowy sweet potato confection in her hands. Do you:
a) Accidentally drop your serving on the floor and sigh dramatically when the dog eats it.
b) Eat only a few bites, mentioning your recently discovered allergy to marshmallows.
c) Eat the whole thing, rationalizing it with the theory that sweet potatoes are vegetables and vegetables are good for you.
4. The admin in your office comes in with several batches of homemade fudge in different flavors. She beams at you proudly when you walk into the office lunchroom and then she invites you to try one … of each batch. Do you:
a) Run screaming from the office, lodge a claim of caloric harassment, sue your company for millions of dollars, and end up buying a yacht in the Caribbean.
b) Take one piece of fudge, smile, and say that you want to leave some for the rest of the group.
c) Have several pieces of each batch. You don't want to hurt her feelings.
One point for each a answer. Two points for each b answer. Three points for each c answer.
4 points: you are devious, dramatic, and/or demented. I like you.
5-8 points: you are a moderately well adjusted person who will probably gain a pound or two, but otherwise make it through the holidays relatively unscathed ( i.e. you won't have to face any scathing relatives).
9 or more points: you're doomed, but at least you're enjoying the ride. Hide the scale and all your mirrors until January.