May 24, 2007

Crabby Needs...

So this is just a quick post to keep you entertained until the next delivery of Steaming Hot Health and Fitness News.

I'm stealing this from Julia, and for all I know we all may be doing a post on this today, since its a cute idea. I haven't made my rounds yet, so I'll try not to be embarrassed if some of you all have already gotten to it first.

Just go to google, and type your first name with the word "needs." As in "Crabby needs."

Now Julia did a lovely post that included pictures; Crabby obviously won't bother with that. She's also not going to share 13 of them, just a few. And it's more fun to do your own anyway than read someone elses.

Just a few:

Crabby needs a real job.

Crabby needs to conduct a online smiley sheet survey at the end of each class.

Crabby needs to chill.

Crabby needs a new exoskeleton.

Crabby needs 2 stop reading comics.

None of these were the "real" Crabby; it is of course disturbing to learn there are so many others. (Crabby did google "Crabby McSlacker" before starting the blog, and at the time there were none, and she thought "good enough.")

In other google news, my site meter reports that someone looking for "Ripples on the Lake" by Dawn Rotarangi arrived here and found their way into the comment section on heart rate monitors. Which should work out well. Anyone lucky enough to purchase Dawn's new novel will no doubt need monitoring because they will soon be in a state of extreme excitement!

So I'm curious to see what loyal readers "need" this morning, according to Google. Any good ones?


  1. Hrrrmm. Let's see:

    SERA needs to do something.

    SERA Needs You!

    SERA needs to take an official position and formulate a frequency utilization plan.

    SERA needs far more than that in order to accomplish the purpose for which it was created.

    Sera needs a good home that will show a nominated filly, and use her bloodline for their advantage in a breeding program.

    And this was the last one, but it's not a "need", but it's funny!

    Sera's old pimp arrives and tries to force her back into his lifestyle rather than hers.


  2. Terrie NEEDS to work on the query process for her novel.

    Terrie is recovering from a brief illness and NEEDS more energy. She relies on Crabby for a food idea that will help.

    Terrie NEEDS sunshine. Oops its here! Terrie NEEDS to go outside.

    Have a great sunshiney day.

  3. First off, it appears that "I" forgot my place and infiltrated the main post. Crabby asked me to apologize down in the comments section.

    Sera, those are fantastic! Much funnier than Crabby's. (And you were right to include that last one. Just please slap that old pimp upside the head for all of us).

    Terrie, welcome back! Hope you're feeling much much better.

    Sunshine is definitely high on the list of recovery needs. As are cupcakes or whatever comfort food might appeal. Have a great time frolicking outside!

  4. Samantha needs adoptive parents.
    Samantha needs prayers and adoptive support.
    Samantha needs some cheering up.
    Samantha needs a bf.
    SAMANTHA Needs TLC & a New Eye.
    Samantha needs a friend.
    Samantha needs help.

    Boy, Samanthas on line are a pretty sad and sappy bunch!!!

  5. I'm rolling on the floor with laughter, Crabby!

    Dawn needs a headcount
    ... a tripod
    ... to get over herself
    ... man on man action
    ... hair to hang over right eye!

  6. In school, Cassie needs to be kept occupied, sometimes with activities outside of the classroom.

    cassie needs to SMARTIN UP.

    Not only is she attractive but, in his opinion, Cassie needs his help and guidance. Cassie needs assistance with her investments, too.

    Cassie needs to get over her obsession with Jonathan and let her daughter be happy.

    Cassie needs Josh support! While she is locked up in Ravenwood! She is losing it and in need of Professional help A.S.A.P.

    Cassie needs her feeding tube put back in.


  7. Courtney needs a mistress to show off.

    Courtney needs a patient and committed home where she can find safety.

    Courtney needs a man she can trust and know that he will not lie to her.

    Courtney needs to lay off the plastic!

    Courtney needs to think globally, not locally.

    Courtney needs a new bio.

    Courtney needs something more.

    Have to say that a lot of these are pretty close. (I'm not sure about laying off the plastic.)


  8. Leah needs to dream.
    leah needs pretty pictures
    leah definitely needs to lay off the tanning lotions

    Leah needs your help to raise nearly $4000 for her 8-week mission trip to Egypt. (Yes, This One is Absolutely True!! I will take cheques!!)

    Mr Leah needs to strike more of a balance in his analysis of who causes what.

    It was kind of fun ,Crabby. I went a few pages in to get something interesting. There was a result involving underwear that...well... never mind.

  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

  10. The deleted comment was mine. I accidentally posted my comment twice.
    Sorry about the mess.

  11. Thanks you guys, you're giving me quite a laugh.

    Sorry, Samantha, about the old eye. Hope the new one arrives soon!

    And Dawn, you do not need a headcount! Like crabby, you spend more than enough time at sitemeter as it is. (Although I have no idea if you're due for some man-on-man action.)

    Cassie/Chickengirl, you clearly don't need to smartin up as you're already pretty bright. But let's get that feeding tube back in, quick!

    Heck, everyone needs a mistress to show off, as long as she's global and not local.

    Leah--damn, did the deleted post have something to do with the underwear? I'm sorry I missed it!

  12. Appleton needs to foster mature self-discipline. (After I eat that pint of Haagen-Dazs.)

    Appleton needs oxygen. (Gasp!)

    Appleton needs funds for flags. (Accepting donations now.)

    Appleton needs neighborhood gardens, grocery stores, green space… (Apparently I'm a town.)

    Appleton needs clarification. (Who am I again?)

    Appleton needs help. (Twice a week; is minimum wage okay?)

    Appleton needs you! (Step right up.)

  13. Appleton! Always happy to see you. Great list--and I have nothing smart-assed to add because you were already too amusing.

    Unfortunately you've left me with an insatiable craving for Haagen daz. Something must be done.

  14. Anonymous needs project with peppers.
    Anonymous Needs Survey.
    Anonymous needs not discourage such a brilliant vlogger who attempted to have our community understand our language and culture.
    Anonymous to More Effectively Strengthen Families.
    Anonymous needs to live as an entity so that we, as individual members, may continue to live - free of nicotine.
    Anonymous Needs Recruits!

  15. Crabby needs to stop being a bad influence:

  16. Katie needs to gain a little weight

    no joke.

  17. Anonymous--another great list! (I need recruits too--could you spare some of yours?)

    Are you a new anonymous or an old favorite anonymous? I'm totally into anonymity myself, but if you ever get the hankering, feel free to call yourself something silly, unofficially, at the end of your post. Otherwise Crabby grows fond of you and then doesn't know if you've returned or if you're someone new. And of course you must return!

    Gillian! Thanks for dropping by. Unfortunately I just spent the last 35 minutes (no joke) trying and failing to get logged in at livejournal to visit you. Livejournal hates me, but I shall return another day and defeat their evil gatekeepers. (They kept saying they sent a verification email but it never arrived. And they wouldn't let me be anonymous once i told them who I was. Bastards). Anyway, I did want to tell you over there what a great list you had, so I'll have to do it here instead. Great list! And thanks for the link.

    Katieo--that's too funny. Well, google is wise, obviously, so I believe it may be time for a Krispy Kreme.

  18. You seem to be obsessed with your google placement and your site-meter readings and a lot of stuff that has nothing to do with anything.

    Are you on a diet? Is there a reason that you are writing about fitness, health, etc.? Do you have a raison d'etre?

  19. There are other things to be obsessed with, spider. For dog's sake, tell me what they're are!

  20. Oh dear.

    Apparently Spiders get crabby too. Was it something I said?

    (Crabby now retreats into her thick shell and returns to the safety of third person).

    Crabby loves visitors and wants lots more of them and she makes no secret of it. She is a narcissist, like many bloggers. So she checks her sitemeter all the time and prays nightly to the Google Gods.

    And no, she is not on a "diet" but is more into maintenance, moderate exercise, healthy eating (with lots and lots and lots of exceptions). And bitching. She loves to bitch and whine and complain. It's right up there in the header of the blog, and most readers have either gotten used to it or found other more cheerful blogs.

    Crabs don't need a raison d'etre. Crabs just are.

  21. What are you favorite comic book hereos?

  22. If you can't login you can always comment as 'anonymous' and put your anme at the botom of the comments. It would be sad to silence you...

  23. Um. Wow.

    So apparently I need the following:

    a drink
    another miracle
    to wear shirts
    what most white girls crave (then it spews into porn - awesome)
    to go to bed
    a new hobby
    a Google good time


  24. Hi Captain!
    The Crabby who reads 2 many comics will have to fill you in, as this Crabby only dabbled in Mad Magazine and hesitates to call Alfred P. Neumann (or whoever; can't quite remember his name) a "hero."

    And Gillian, I finally logged in! See you over at livejournal.

    SmartCookie: Please don't put on a shirt on our account! And do have a very google good time. Great list.

    And it occured to me after posting this what a pain it was for people to have to leave the site, go to google, get results, and compile them for your comments. Thanks to all who played so far, you are such good sports and way funny too! Meeting you all must be Crabby's true raison d'etre.

  25. GAH, I have too weird a name to do this. I only have one result:

    "Thomma needs to hurry up and make some big signings as the vipers and giants are and if we want to be contenders next season."

    Eh? Vipers and giants? Sounds kinda challenging!

    And if I use "Thomma Lyn needs", I get nuttin'. Nuttin' at all. Ha! :) Guess I'm too weird to need anything, LOL!

  26. Hi Thomma Lyn,

    Well, there may only have been one of them but it was a good one!

    Strange that there were plenty for "Crabby." I guess on the internet it's not an uncommon name.

  27. Perhaps there is a connection between "the captain"'s question and Crabby's blog. After all, most comic-book heroes look pretty darn healthy and fit. What's their secret (besides radioactive insect bites or whatever)? Do they have an exercise regime that takes minimal time and effort with maximal results so they can spend the rest of their day saving the world? Are there, in fact, any comic-book heroes who are shown consciously engaged in health-boosting activities or encouraging ordinary mortals to do so? Just wondering. I don't read comics...

  28. Hi Appleton!

    (BTW, I have lost all control over my use of exclamation marks. I have been permanently damaged by blogging).

    I think you have a VERY good point about superheros and the mysterious appearance of their musculature without resort to fitness equipment of any kind.

    If you're very brave, I believe the Captain and Spider could probably address this question on their blogs, as they seem to be very knowledgeable about comic books.


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