The Blog Days of Summer

[By Merry]

The weekend is almost here ...

Huh.

I know why you're here.

Everybody else took the week off and you're stuck at work trying to look busy, so you're reading a blog.

Tsk. What would the boss say?

Oh wait, he's one of the ones who took off for vacation. Well then, he's in no position to talk.

Okay, if you're going to be stuck at work, then the least I can do is try to distract you.

Where to go if you're looking for a vicarious vacation

Maui cam
I like this cam of a beach in Maui... I can almost hear the waves lapping against the shore... sigh...

Lion cam
I have to confess, I'm not ordinarily a great fan of Zoo cams. There's usually not a lot happening. This one, on the other hand, is weirdly addictive... at least when it's daytime in Norway. This camera shows a mama lion and several seriously cute lion cubs. If the link is dark, maybe it's not daytime in Norway. Or the server is overloaded. It's popular.

In case you are a wild fan of zoo cams:
Penguin cam

Panda Cam


Useful fitness information
(don't look so surprised, we do sometimes link to seriously useful stuff... once in a while, anyway)

From Hellasound:
Your first marathon: predicting race times and preparation

Useful device of the week:
A cell phone that keeps track of the number of steps you take and also monitors your blood sugar level.

Favorite videos of the week:

Exercise AND animal video of the week:
Cats on a treadmill

Winner of the Fiction, but Could Be Reality category:




Silly humor of the week:
Why Germany lost the war

Sadly, this is an entirely work appropriate picture

And finally, the quote of the week:
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." - Bertrand Russell

Take the rest of the day off. Tell the boss I said it was okay. Oh wait, that's right, he's on vacation. Well then, go for it!

Have a great Fourth of July, everyone!

Random...Thursday?

[By Crabby]


Random Friday on a Thursday??? What's the Deal?

Sure, it's traditional at Cranky Fitness that Randomness take place on a Friday. But we have Special Plans for tomorrow's post--so what the heck, let's mix things up a bit! What's the worst that could happen?

Outbreaks of silliness, boredom, pointlessness, spontaneous napping...

But no harm done, that stuff happens all the time here anyway! So lets be brave and forge ahead anyway, shall we?


WTF Department: Three Quarters of Women Report Disordered Eating?

You've probably all seen this by now, but a recent survey of more than 4,000 women by University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Self Magazine revealed some interesting attitudes towards eating and weight:

• Almost a third of women reported that they'd induced vomiting, or taken laxatives, diuretics, or diet pills at some point in their lives to lose weight;
• Two thirds of the women surveyed (not including those with actual eating disorders) are trying to lose weight;
• Over half of those dieting were already at a healthy weight;
• About 40 percent said concerns about what they eat or weigh interfered with their happiness;
• Almost 40 percent regularly skipped meals to try to lose weight;
  
• Sixteen percent had dieted on 1,000 or fewer calories a day;
• And thirteen percent had smoked to lose weight.

Note: this survey is, of course, depressing. And it's true that women are far too obsessed about their weight. However, can you really take an online survey of Self magazine readers and conclude that their answers represent the views of all women?

Nothing against the magazine, which runs many fine articles, but it's called Self for cryin' out loud. Could it possibly attract, on average, women who are a little more concerned with, well, themselves?

Wait, this just in...

Ninety Eight percent of Men Spend All Day Long Thinking About Women with Humongous Breasts! ... According to a recent online survey by readers of Juggs Magazine...

(And yes, Juggs is a real magazine, though we doubt they bothered to do a reader survey).


A Little Perspective:

Even Cranky Crabs have to stop whining every now and then long enough to appreciate how incredibly fortunate they are. So sometimes it helps to get a glimpse of how horribly complicated and challenging life could be if you weren't born so lucky.

Via Healthbolt is this rather incredible slide show of a baby born with two faces. Apparently this little girl, born in India, can drink from both mouths and blink all four eyes. Local villagers believe she may be the reincarnation of the Hindu goddess Durga.

I will stop complaining about my sore muscles and crunchy knees now, at least for the next few minutes.

Now This Won't Hurt a Bit:

Here's an odd little news item from Marijke's fine blog: According to the Center for Disease Control, more kids and teens than ever are fainting after receiving vaccinations.

(Later, when the insurance bills come due, it's their parent's turn).

Apparently more adolescents are getting shots now (to prevent meningitis and cervical cancer), and teenage girls are particularly prone to fainting.



So We're Done With Health Now, Let's Bring on the Rest of the Randomness!

We be Zoomin':

Check this out if you like cool weird collaborative art. Zoom in or out and the picture seems to just keep on going and going. (Dial-up warning: the program is slow to load even on broadband.)

This Blog Needs More Smut!

Photo by JaHoVil

Yes, even after yesterday's special episode of Skanky Fitness, we're still pushing porn. We know some of you just can't get enough! This time, be sure not to miss these hot, sexy, luscious photos of...

Libraries!

(They really are pretty cool).

And Just When You Thought You Were Safe...

Remember those cute Lolcats? And how it was possible to spend hours checking out "just one more" funny kitteh? Well...

Via MJ ... if you finally wrested control of your computer back and started to get some work done, we must alert you to a possible new threat to productivity coming your way:

Yep, plenty more where that came from at I Has a Hot Dog. You've been warned.

Have a great Thursday, and be sure to come back tomorrow for a Special Post!

Warning: Particularly Gross Post Ahead

[By Crabby]

(This is just a random cat. Ours was far too humiliated to permit photos).

Seriously, if you don't want to read about my cat's ass, this may be a good day to visit another better blog or website. Go check out Glam's bikini quest, or read Mousearoo's Inspiring Weight Watchers profile, or go see what the Bag Lady is up to today. Check out any of our great commenter's blogs, there's some great stuff going on!

You just don't want to be here today. Particularly if you haven't eaten breakfast yet.

As unsavory as the topic is, I can't even claim to be original in writing about it. There is a much more hilarious post about cats and their anal glands over at 15 Minute Lunch, a consistently funny blog that Cranky Fitness can only envy.

In fact, I owe a great debt to Mr. Virgil. Had I not read his post (and the accompanying educational material about Feline Scooting and What it Can Mean), I would not have recognized the recent butt-scraping behavior of our beloved cat as a medical symptom. I might have thought she was "acting out," or perhaps just being creative because she was bored.

(Would you like purchase photographs of some of her art? "Abstract Browns on An Off-White Wall-to-Wall Carpet, Morning Light Series #4," by Maile Moo, 2008, is still available--at least until the multiple applications of stain remover start to work.)

Alas, it turns out that The Moo (yeah, we call her that, don't ask) wasn't creating art after all. Nor even demonstrating ill humor. True, she was "expressing" herself-- but only in the sense that cats apparently have anal glands that can get clogged up or something gross like that if they don't get properly "expressed." Old cats, in particular, have these self-expression problems.

Good thing I knew from 15 Minute Lunch that upon seeing a cat scoot, one should visit the vet, not the kitty psychiatrist.

I know it's not the cat's fault. So I try to keep any hint of reprimand out of my voice when I see her start to lower her hindquarters toward the floor.

"Maile, no, sweetie, nuh-huh, please don't do that!" I try to say this in a cheerful, non-threatening tone, but with enough emphasis to catch her attention before touch-down. In the meantime, I'm grabbing up handfuls of Kleenex and scurrying rapidly towards the descending animal.

Does your cat have that little sensitive place at the base of her tail? If so, rubbing that spot can often keep the cat from lowering all the way to the floor if you get there fast enough. I don't know why they are powerless to resist this rubbing, but it is a useful trick. If you can get there fast enough with the Kleenex and are up for wiping the cat's hindquarters, that is.

However, one can't possibly anticipate and prevent scooting with any consistency, so we sought professional help to take care of the problem. Unfortunately, after two vet visits and two unpleasant little procedures (for the vet and for the cat--it was no sweat for me!) we still have no guarantee that it's going to go away.

(Curiously, the vet has seen a sudden inexplicable increase in cat anal gland problems. What's that about? What sort of bizarre conspiracy theories can we come up?)

Anyway, our treatment options are, apparently: (1) take the cat to the vet a lot; (2) hope the scooting gets better on its own; (3) opt for surgical anal gland removal; (4) become connoisseurs of Feline Anal Floor Art or (5) learn how to express the cat's anal glands ourselves.

And you know what?

We love that cat--but there is no f*cking way we're going with Number Five.

Gosh, what a fun post to try to comment on! Please do NOT feel obliged to express yourselves on this issue. But if you have any pets or any thoughts on pets and their medical or other needs, feel free to share!

Random Friday Returns!

[By Crabby and Merry]

So we're skimping on actual scientific research this week because nothing new was discovered anywhere in the world we felt more like doing silly items and not thinking too much. Maybe next Random Friday we'll put on our crisp white lab coats and our horn-rimmed glasses and scientificate a little more and sillyify a little less. Maybe.

But here's at least one study:

Old People Not as Screwed, Memory-Wise, As They Used to Be.
[Could Crabby have perhaps put that a bit more delicately? Yeah, but then this would be a different, better blog.]
So according to a study in the journal Alzheimer’s and Dementia, (summarized here), memory loss and thinking problems are decreasing among those over 70. The researchers point to improvements in higher education, economic status, and health care as possible reasons.

However, I'm not exactly counting on my higher education or my 401K to keep me sharp, since I'm already a space cadet to begin with. I don't have a whole heck of a lot of excess brain power to bank on. So until they figure out a cure for Alzheimers, etc, I'm going to keep popping those dang fish oil capsules even if they do give me fish burps.

Guess What: Weight Loss is Simple After All!
Merry spotted this incredible product, via Fitness Fixation, from a company called Too Faced. It's Guilt-Free Lip Gloss. To quote their product blurb, it's "A super shiny lip gloss inspired by Fuze energy drinks that energizes and slenderizes."

Really? Lip gloss can make you lose weight?

I'm thinking the only kind of lip gloss that could truly promise to slenderize would be one made out of Super Glue. But what do I know? I'm a Chapstick kinda gal.

Cranqué Pheeetniss
Crabby, being a crab, naturally dislikes mimes, street artists, jugglers, and others who gratuitously try to cheer her up in public places. So it's not surprising that Merry is the one who dug up this "walking as performance art" video. (Quick poll: Crabby would have so committed vehicular manslaughter about three minutes in. Anyone else? Perhaps Crabby needs to cut down on her caffeine.)

Classy as Always:
Cranky Fitness just wanted to make sure you were up on the latest headlines:
"Police: Crack Found in Man's Buttocks".

Oh, and speaking of Crack-related items, remember the magazine Cracked, which was a knock-off version of Mad Magazine when we (baby boomers) were growing up? Well, apparently it still exists! And it's actually got some funny stuff. So for those who appreciate culturally insensitive bathroom humor, here's a great roundup of Weird Toys from Around the World. (Note: By "weird" we mean mostly poop-related, and by "the World" we mean Japan.)

Optical Illusion Plus Your Own 'Freedom Passive Income Stream!'
I enjoy optical illusions, but it cracked me up that this one is hosted by some new-agey site promoting inner happiness and schemes for making a quick buck. Material happiness is just an illusion, right? So what happened to those pink dots? And hey, what the hell just happened to my bank account???

Translate Your Blog Into Red-Neck
I was skeptical 'til I tried it, but this blog translation device can be pretty funny. Just type in the URL of your favorite blog (don't forget the www if it's part of the name) and try to resist the sudden craving for a buckit of fried chicken, a bottle a' hooch and a Hee Haw marathon.

Cute Animal Overload (Because We Just Can't Help It):
Computer monitor getting a little dirty? Well, here's a must-have screensaver.

Need help waking up in the morning? Cats really help ease that transition and get you moving:


Or, for those who prefer the quicker cat alarm clock version:


Courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

Have an energetic, slenderizing Friday everyone!

Mighty Mice

Mouse or Rat? We're Not Sure. Whatever, At Least It's a Rodent.

[By Crabby]

Oh dear, is it Friday already?

For those regular readers expecting the usual "Random Friday" post, complete with an assemblage of bizarro web links--um, sorry! A certain crab didn't manage to put in the usual hours of exhaustive scholarly research mindless web surfing necessary to put one together.

So instead, we have some breaking news about weight training and mouse fitness.

Did you know there are some really strong mice out there hoisting barbells with their tiny paws? And that these mice are better off than the mice who put on their itsy bitsy running shoes and go for a nice long run?

You'd sure think so from this strange little press release (discussed here in case the link screws up again):

"Researchers from the Boston University School of Medicine (BUSM) have demonstrated that in mice, the use of barbells may be as important to losing weight and improving health as the use of running shoes."

Can't you just picture these determined little rodents in their gym outfits and teeny tiny little ipods? How adorable! A whole new kind of gym rat.

Well, turns out that the press release is either (a) trying to be funny or (b) written while on drugs, because despite my hopes there was no actual miniature mice exercise equipment involved at all.

The researchers just genetically engineered a mouse so that they could mess with a muscle growth-regulating gene. (They're called "MyoMice," not "mighty mice," alas). The upshot of the research seems to be that, at least if you're a mouse, weight lifting as you age will keep you slimmer and healthier and more junk-food resistant than running mouse-marathons. It has to do with all the swell things that type II muscle fiber can do for your metabolism.

The implications are that humans could do a better job fighting obesity if they'd lift weights. Good point! However, I just was SO disappointed after that initial paragraph to find out they did not actually design any little mouse-sized Nike's.

But here's what I'm curious about:

We've been hearing for quite a while now that we're supposed to be doing strength training, not just cardio. I make myself do it, even though I don't like it much. (Okay, some days, honestly, I loathe it). But it really does help you slim down and burn more fat and makes you feel all strong and virtuous and smug.

And yet... I get the feeling a lot of people, particular female people, tend to avoid strength training. When I work out at a gym, there are lots of gals on the treadmills and ellipticals, yet I don't have much female competition for the weight equipment. (And among my friends and relatives--far more pay attention to cardio than bother with weights) .

What's up with that? Is it fear of bulk? Is it psychological? Does strength training truly feel more miserable to women than to men?

I'm curious if you all have any theories. Or whether you guys do weights yourselves. Or is it perhaps something you keep meaning to get around to.. "some day?"

Random Friday

Afraid this Friday is even more random than usual, folks, if that's possible. And don't worry, we won't spend too much time on anything educational!

Good News: Being Overweight May Not Kill You After All.

At least if you're not obese. (This study probably merits an entire post, which Crabby swears she'll try to get to before too long).

So as you may have noticed: there seems to be at least one dire health warning every day about the dangers of carrying even a few extra pounds. So you would think all this Horrible Dangerousness would add up to a much shorter life expectancy, wouldn't you?

Well, no, as it turns out it, it doesn't.

According a CDC study (summarized here), people with a BMI of 25-30 (overweight but not obese) were actually less likely to die of a bunch of things, like emphysema, pneumonia, injuries, and infections. And they were not any more likely to die of heart disease or cancer than folks who were not overweight.

Surprising, huh?

Of course health experts had to jump in almost immediately and say, well, extra weight may not kill you faster but it's still bad for your health, blah blah blah. Crabby wants to spend a little more time surfing the web, giggling over funny videos studying the issue thoroughly before she posts her thoughts on this. She's always skeptical about studies that contradict what we've been hearing forever so there's probably something wrong with it, but, well, in the meantime...

Cupcake, anyone?


Seriously?

"Hide Your Old Pills in Poop, Government Says" is the actual headline to this Reuters safety advisory, though they might as well have called it: "Crabby, You Have to Post About This!" because how could she possibly resist?

So why should you be putting prescription drugs in your pet's poop? Because if you flush unused prescription drugs down the toilet, the fish get poisoned, and if you just throw them in your trash you might tempt your friendly neighborhood junkie.

(Fortunately, Crabby can safely ignore this rather unsavory public service announcement. She hasn't scored anything interesting enough to tempt a junkie since her wisdom teeth were yanked a quarter of a century ago, and she finished those nice pills all up. So sorry, junkies!)


And Speaking of Somewhat Unsavory Health Warnings:

You know all those recent recalls of dangerous toys made in China? Well, it's not just toys for kids that are affected. This amusing article warns of the dangers of toxic, well, lets just keep calling them "toys" shall we?


Making A Beer Gut Look Suddenly More Appealing...

Via the reliably awesome Fitness Fixation, Cranky Fitness has been alerted to an elective cosmetic surgical procedure that makes even this one look really reasonable. Check out the before and after picture showing surgically sculpted "six pack abs" that guys are paying to have etched in their torsos.

Hot? Or not? Whaddya think?

(Also, Kelly helpfully supplies this awesome link: find out about an Extremely Tempting Recreational Opportunity).

So, abandoning for now all pretense of being a "health and fitness" blog...


Musical Cranky Fitness!

If Crabby could carry a tune, you can bet she'd run right out and sign up for one of these nifty Complaint Choirs. What an awesome idea! Grumblers like Crabby gather in communities around the world to bitch, moan, and whine to music. About everything!

Crabby could sing you a song right now about how embedded YouTube videos never work for her, but instead she'll direct you to a handy video page . Once there, you can pick a choir and hear folks from different nations complaining that their beer costs too much, that their exes are sleeping with their flatmates, and that their mascara is all smudgy.


And Happy Anniversary, Jon Carroll!

Who is Jon Carroll? Well, he's not just the guy who brought the Complaint Choirs to Crabby's attention, he's also her very favorite newspaper columnist of all time. He writes for the San Francisco Chronicle, and apparently this week is the twenty fifth anniversary of his column! Crabby has read practically every single one of them since the very beginning, and has so much admiration for the guy she could practically burst. (She saw him in person once, at a garage sale in Berkeley, and kind of stalked him for a few minutes. She feigned interest in some used books and considered approaching him to complement him on his wit and intelligence and humor but chickened out, which was probably just as well. Crabby blushes and babbles when she's nervous and would have made a huge mess of it).

Anyway, Jon's been web savvy since before blogs were invented--so you don't have to live in San Francisco and pick up a Chron to read him. You can check him out at the above links and subscribe to his column, just as though he were an obscure blog like Cranky Fitness! Oh, and special bonus, at least for some of us: he sometimes writes about his cats.


Speaking of Animals...

So this isn't exactly an animal "exercise" link (a Friday tradition) unless you consider hunting a sport. But hunters think hunting is a sport, and that's good enough for Cranky Fitness. Crabby tends to avoid stories about hunting because she doesn't like to hear about animals getting shot. When dogs shoot hunters, however, she finds herself quite willing to read all about it. (Via Weird Its).

But don't worry; no guns in this amazing video--it's really quite inspirational (though a bit long; Crabby bailed once the talk show part started.)


Got anything on your minds?

(More at icanhascheezburger.com)

Please tell us all about it in the comments, and have a great weekend!

Do You Sing to Your Cats?

She Appreciates Every Single Song, Really

This is one of those rushed days when Crabby wishes she had stockpiled some more handy guest posts. The Crab and Lobster are in the middle of buying a new house and getting ready to sell their old one, and, well, this process can disrupt one's blogging routine! There are decisions and negotiations and surprises. And lots of and phone calls and faxes and estimates and to-do lists and arrangements and chores, chores, chores. Crabby hates chores.

(As it happens, Mary over at Sheesh is also doing the house-hunting thing and blogging about it very amusingly, if amusingly is indeed a word. Poor Mary doesn't even realize that she's going through the FUN part right now).

So in lieu of researching some Important Health thing or other, or thinking up something sensible to say about Motivation or Personal Development or Nutrition or whatever, Crabby thought she'd just rip off a topic from a way wittier, clever-er blog so we could have something to discuss here at Cranky Fitness. (It's not even a particularly health-related subject, unless you want to go for the whole Mental Health/Stress Reduction angle. Crabby's really just stealing the idea because the post made her laugh).

Anyway, so Kristy at She Just Walks Around With It has a great post about the major joys/minor annoyances of pet ownership, and she ends up discussing the weird effect pets can have on their owners.

In particular, Kristy notes that pets can inspire us to: "create and SING SONGS to them. For them. About them. Bad songs. Ridiculous songs. Songs that make no sense and that the cats (or other pets) pretend they couldn't care LESS about, but which you sing with fervor because you know -- KNOW -- that they secretly love it. Love. It."

Just an informational aside: Cats don't, as a rule, speak English or any other human language.

Yet it's interesting to discover that composing and singing special lyrics to your cats is something a lot of people do! Along with making up multiple nonsensical nicknames for them.

The Crab and Lobster are guilty on all counts. Lots of Silly Nicknames and Stupid songs. How did a cat named Mailie (pronounced My-Lee) become "Mailie Moo" and then simply "The Moo?" Who knows. After a while, it doesn't even sound weird anymore.

"Have you seen the Moo?" the Crab might ask the Lobster.

"She was in the Moo Hole last time I looked," the Lobster might respond. (The Moo Hole is a pile of pillows and blankets specially constructed each morning on the bed so that the Moo might have her favorite warm place to burrow).

And then the Crab might launch into a Mailie Moo Song, and the Lobster might join her. Even though the cat is upstairs barely within earshot... because the Crab and Lobster know that the Moo will hear it faintly and feel special.

So of course Crabby was relieved to discover that she and the Lobster are not the only cat-serenading Nutballs out there in the world. Kristy is a Nutball too!

Are any of you? And if you have a pet or not, what do you folks think about singing to your pets?

Late-Breaking Links

In case busy readers have already finished perusing the Random Friday Linkage, here's a Weekend Update: Still More Cranky-Fitness-Friendly Linkage!

Not that Crabby will ever get around to acknowledging all the great bloggers she's friends with. But these are a few that really should have made it into yesterday's post if Crabby was paying better attention.

First off, Dr. J is now officially on the web at CalorieLab, with an amusing, informative, and smart-assed guest post!

And BunnyGirl had a great submission posted at The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

Also, Gal at 60 In 30 has an interview with a some random health blogger who shows clear signs of mental instability.

So what about the Gratuitous Animal Exercise Linkage? Well, these photos are not really associated with the blog, but they're pretty damn amazing.

Random Friday: Home-Grown Edition

(Benny, Frank's charismatic dog, courtesy of The Smitten Image)

While Crabby was on vacation, she missed reading many of her favorite blogs. Since then, she's been trying desperately to catch up. So rather than search the entire internet for Random Friday items, she thought she'd just steal stuff from some of her blog friends! use this opportunity to acknowledge some of the great blogs hosted by friends of Cranky Fitness!

Unfortunately, she can only get to a few--so readers are reminded to click on those cheerful blue hyperlinks in the comment section as often as possible. (And on a related note, Crabby knows the Random Rotating Blogroll needs a major update. Soon, she hopes--or at least, well, someday.)

Anyway, so all the info here is courtesy of various Crab-Friendly blogs. Thanks everyone, for writing Crabby's Random Friday Post for her!

Broccoli Sprouts: Smear Them on Your Face?
Well, not quite yet, but the Broccoli Sprout People (who kindly sent Crabby some Broccoli Tea a while back) are reporting that "a topical application of an extract of broccoli sprouts" can protect skin from the damaging effects of UV rays. More here--this sounds weird but the data actually looks pretty impressive.

Vinegar: Pour it On Your Head!
'Cause it helps fight dandruff. And vinegar can make your coffee taste better, keep your eggs from cracking, and do a bunch of other cool stuff. Mark's Daily Apple has these and other uses for what must be the all-time handiest item in your kitchen cabinets.

Swear at Work: It's Good for Productivity!
Via the always informative Healthbolt: This interesting article claims that Crabby's favorite hobby, swearing, can actually be good for productivity and workplace morale. F*ckin' A! This is great news! However, the authors caution against swearing in front of senior staff members or customers, which unfortunately takes quite a bit of the fun out of it.

Special bonus: Sara over at the Healthbolt post encourages you to go ahead and swear in her comments section. Crabby did it, with no asterisks or anything. It's really fun, try it!

(Another good blog for swearing, of course, is the reliably funny Fitness Fixation. Kelly swears all the time, thank goodness.)

Stop the Dog From Farting?
According to the Bag Lady, (who just started her own blog, hooray!) a tablespoon of plain yogurt mixed into dry dog food can help with this unpleasant but not uncommon problem. (She also has further tips on that Miracle Substance mentioned above, vinegar, and lots of amusing stories).

Ensure Your Own Quadruple Bypass!
Blame Jim at Chew On That, not Crabby, for any catastrophic diet failures that may result from clicking on this link. Jim passes on the secrets to homemade Snickers Bars, Peanut Butter Cups and other familiar but ridiculously evil Halloween treats.

Sprinkle Chili Powder In Your Doorways?
Yes--to repel ants without pesticides! Jennifer from Tree Hugging Family also fights cockroaches with garlic and will tell you how to make the World's Ugliest Fruit Fly Catcher.

On a More Serious Note--Check out These Fine Blogs and Sites:
Not all our contributors are silly all the time like Crabby is. Find out from Reb what chemo is really like, and get information on death and dying and palliative care from Marijke's new website. Also, Soap Box Girl posted a very touching tribute to her mother on what would have been her birthday. Crabby got all teary reading it and you might too.

Now On To The Gratuitous Animal Links!
Otherwise, how would you know this was a Random Friday?

First off, Hilary and Frank both have some great photos (and even a video!) of a Jack Russell Terrier bravely protecting the world from the onslaught of Killer Waves.

And we must thank Chicken Girl for alerting us to all the wonderful lolcat weirdness at icanhascheezburger.



So, yeah, these cat pictures aren't really "health" or "exercise" related, but, well, work with Crabby on this.



Have a great weekend everyone!

Guest Post: The Bag Lady on Sex and the Country Girl

Who says you have to have a blog to do Guest Blogging?

The Bag Lady, so named because she's the inventor and manufacturer of these handy items, takes to it like a pro. The photo is hers too--she didn't just swipe it from somewhere like Crabby tends to do. You may recognize her from her amusing contributions to the comments section. And now, here she is with her very own post.

Take it away, Bag Lady!

SEX and the Country Girl

Well, okay, this isn’t about sex, but got your attention, didn’t it? With Crabby away, the Bag Lady thought she would try to fill Crabby’s shoes/claws.

Actually, she started out trying to think how she could relate to a bunch of fitness buffs when she is, in reality, quite lazy, slothful, overweight and generally all-around not much good at anything in particular. So, with that out of the way, she’ll try to bluff her way through this.

Life out here in the country is challenging for someone with the Bag Lady’s limited capabilities. Being accustomed to the sedentary life, having in her previous incarnation been a city girl with an office-type job, it has proven to be an eye-opening experience. For all of you trapped in concrete, the fresh air alone takes some getting used to. Especially during the spring thaw, when it is perfumed by eau de manure.

Which brings to mind yet another aspect of country life - cows. Those big (and I do mean Big!) deceptively placid creatures who populate the countryside, quietly munching their way through life. They need to be fed, watered, and generally cared for. When calving season comes, they need to be checked constantly (every 2 hours, 24/7) to ensure that they aren’t having any trouble producing their off-spring. This task eventually fell to the Bag Lady when her spouse was away. She will spare you some of the Icky Details, but has to confess that in her wildest dreams as a singing, tap-dancing, amateur thespian-type urbanite, never thought she would one day find herself with her arm up to the shoulder inside the business end of a bovine! Especially when one considers the orifice directly above the one containing said arm.

Occasionally, those cows need to be moved from one place to another. This is where the fitness aspect of ranching comes into play. Cows are generally easy to deal with, as long as you can convince them that it is their own idea to go into that corral/barn/pasture/whatever. If they decide there’s no f***ing way, you have to be able to move quickly and nimbly, something not in the Bag Lady’s repertoire. That said, she has surprised even herself with her ability to get the hell out of the way of a charging 1500 lb cow intent on doing her serious bodily harm. Certainly qualifies as aerobic exercise in the Bag Lady’s experience. (Envision a chubby older woman, doing the 100 yard dash, yelling “What the f**k am I doing here, I’m a dental assistant, for Christ’s sake!”)

Calves are fun. They are so cute, especially when they are learning how to move their bodies. Usually around the age of 2 days, they are running, jumping, kicking up their back legs and generally goofing around. Mock bull fights with other calves or their mother, sniffing at the dog, then startling and running away when he licks their nose. They also contribute to the Bag Lady’s fitness routine. Calves need to have ear-tags inserted, and various other things done to them, which is easiest when they are small. Being small (roughly 100 – 150 lbs) doesn’t mean they can’t kick, squirm, wiggle and generally exhaust you. Wrangling some 40 or 50 calves in a hot, smelly barn filled with bawling calves, in the mud and the blood and the shit, while their mothers are outside, bawling for their babies, is something no fitness centre can compete with. Who needs Snoop Dawg when you can have a chorus of honking, bellowing cows expressing their displeasure?

Has the Bag Lady bored you to tears yet? There are other aspects to her fitness routine. For example, you have those step-thingys in your gyms – the Bag Lady has her tractor. Feeding the cows every day in the winter means getting in and out of the tractor roughly 14 or 15 times. (You get in to drive the tractor out of the shop, you get out to close the shop door, you get back in, drive to pick up the big round bale, get out to open the gate, get in to drive through the gate, get out to shut the gate, get in to drive to where you put the feed, get out to cut the strings off…you get the picture.) This is every day – there is no Not Doing It Because I Don’t Feel Like Exercising Today.

Gee, the Bag Lady just checked her word count—she’ll just have to save all the other fun stuff for another day! Hope you enjoyed your foray into country life. (Next time we'll have the sex part…)

Friday It Is!

It being Friday, Cranky Fitness prepares for the weekend in the traditional way: throwing a bunch of unrelated junk into a post and hoping you can find something in there worth reading. Good luck!

Play Ball!
In a recent Danish study (no, not of the pastries, though Crabby would very much like to volunteer for that Danish study), researchers found that soccer beat out jogging as exercise, and was more fun to boot! (Sorry). A bunch of guys in their early thirties were sent out to either run, play soccer, or do nothing in particular 3 times a week for about an hour. After three months, the soccer players had more muscle, less fat, and a lot more fun than the joggers or the couch potatoes. The joggers were in better shape than the spuds, but found their routines fairly miserable. However, like this was apparently the old-fashioned kind of jogging that involves slogging along at an even pace, not the new fancier kind with lots of intervals and variety. And hey--plenty of Cranky Fitness readers are Big Time runners who aren't the least bit whiny about it!

Overloaded
According to this USA Today article, many Americans are getting too big for their cars. Cars actually do have weight limits, in order to ensure tire safety, and it's not that difficult for heavier folks these day to top these limits in certain cars, especially two-seaters. For example, some Miatas and Corvettes aren't supposed to carry two 200-pound adults. And many five-passenger vehicles max out if their occupants average more than 170 pounds apiece.

Is this really anything to worry about? Well, possibly, yes! Overloading is considered a factor in tire failure (very, very bad; you really don't want this going on underneath you while zooming down the freeway). And guess what else? If you exceed the weight limit of your car, automakers may be able to claim they don't have any responsibility for a part that fails causing you to you crash. Yikes.

Spin This Any Way You Want
Via the always awesome Fitness Fixation, did you know there's now such a phenomenon as Spin Rage? Well at least according to the attorney for a Wall Street Broker with some serious anger management issues. Apparently Broker became enraged at Hedge Fund Manager pedaling next to him (can't you just picture this gym?) because of all his grunting and hooting. Words were exchanged, then Broker proceeded to pick up Fund Manager and his bike, and hurled them into a wall. So, are you looking for a good excuse to skip your spin class and can't think of any new ones? You're welcome.

Not a Very Nice Way to Wake Up...
At your own autopsy. With a scalpel cutting into your face. The guy's fine though, and still quite handsome despite the car accident, the being declared dead and all, and the rude awakening in the morgue.

Tick Tick Tick
Crabby had never come across this weirdly addictive world time clock before, but our friend Dr. J. just brought it to her attention. Check it out! (Though the site was down once on a recent visit; seems to be back up now.) Once you start watching all the numbers roll by and grasp the ramifications of some of them, you can start to feel a bit... well, freaky.

After The Stork Flies Away...
Moms, want a refreshing dose of reality about women's bodies, post-pregnancy? Many of you may have probably found this site already, but if you haven't, check out The Shape of A Mother. (After you read the introduction, click "enter" and you will be taken to photos readers have sent in of their bodies both during and after pregnancy. There are (gasp) stretch marks on view! It's sweet and real and a nice place to get a sense of perspective back about what's natural.

Okay, warning, now we're gonna get decidedly weirder...

Don't Do it, Steve!
So were we just speaking of new mothers and their unique physiology? Here's a somewhat related blog post that's part of the series Steve, Don't Eat That! But Don't Click Just Yet, Caution is strongly advised as some may find this distasteful and possibly offensive. And yet Crabby nonetheless found it quite amusing. OK, have at it if you dare.

And our final bit of silliness?

More Gratuitous Animal Exercise Videos!
So last time Crabby tried to embed a video it broke her feed! So this time, those of you with time on your hands may want click these links to watch this little guy or this big gal do their respective things.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Microchips: Now With Special Surprise!

You may have chipped your dog or cat already. Perhaps you've heard that microchips have been approved for people now too.

Curious? Creeped out? Either way, you may want to take note: an Associated Press report takes a new look at animal microchipping studies that were done before approval was even granted. And guess what turned up? Malignant tumors. Oops!

Apparently this went unmentioned by the manufacturer or the regulators at the time. But Keith Johnson, who led a study at Dow in 1996 said the transponders were the cause of the tumors in mice and rats. (This is all via Todd Lewan at AP, who apparently did some actual investigative reporting--increasingly rare in these days of recycled corporate press releases).

There were apparently a number of studies done on mice and rats from 1996 to 2006. And when AP recently had leading cancer specialists review the research, they said the findings troubled them. They urged further research before the transponders were widely implanted in people.

So what is microchipping and why would someone do it to themselves when it's not even decorative like a nice nose-piercing or tattoo?

Well, storing medical information is one application. VeriChip Corporation markets an electronic capsule that transmits "a unique code"--which medical workers can then scan to access medical records stored online. The chips are only as big as "two grains of rice," and implantation is done by injection into the upper arm. About 2,000 of these RFID (radio frequency identification) chips have been implanted in people so far.

In theory, this actually sounds kinda handy for people with chronic dangerous medical conditions, especially the kind that land you in the hospital unconscious. (Though couldn't they just put "a unique code" on a Medic Alert bracelet or an attractive pendant or something not implanted inside living human tissue to access the same database? Just askin'.)

And to be fair, the VeriChip folks say they've used the transponders for more than 15 years and received no complaints about malignant tumors. Also, a veterinarian oncologist points out that despite all the dogs that have been chipped, veterinary pathologists haven't reported any outbreaks of related sarcomas.

But then what about the studies published in veterinary and toxicology journals in the last decade or so that found sarcomas in chipped mice and rats? Why did the FDA not mention these studies when they approved the technology? Did they even review the literature on microchip implants and animal cancer? Um, well, the FDA isn't saying.

(For those who have their blood pressure well under control, do take a look at that AP article. When you get to the part about Tommy Thompson, and where he ended up working, be prepared to take some nice deep breaths.)

It may well be that the risk of cancer from these things is extremely minimal. Mice and rats get cancer way more easily than large animals or humans. So for those of you worried about your pets, it's probably not worth panicking until more data is in--especially since there doesn't seem to be any signs that sarcomas are turning up in significant numbers. The benefits may far outweigh the risks. But wouldn't it have been nice to have been informed of the risks in the first place?

It's hard not to feel discouraged by the way government agencies charged with protecting us seem to be doing such a lousy job of it lately. Whether it's our environment, our health, our privacy, our finances, our civil rights, or any of number of things we hold dear, is anyone else worried that we may have hired foxes to guard our hen-houses?

Of course, this microchipping thing might not be one of these instances. It could just be a simple miscommunication. ("Yeah, we saw the studies and didn't think much of them but forgot to mention it or explain why and we didn't anticipate that anyone would actually give a crap." Or something).

But as example after example piles up, at least some of us are feeling eager to sweep out the foxes and bring in, well, some actual watchdogs. Loyal canines who are trustworthy and protective and have our best interests at heart. And we promise we won't even microchip 'em!

Friday Freakishness

Yep, it's time again for Friday's random health and not-so-health related linkage!

First up: Soldiers in Iraq, particularly female soldiers, are going off and getting cosmetic surgery without permission, according to this interesting blog post. (The source is actually a military site with ads like "Imagine...No Liberals!" so caution is advised). Anyway, these unauthorized surgeries are becoming more popular because troops are getting paid more now than they used to, and medical procedures over there are cheap.

Apparently military folks are getting breast augmentation, nose jobs, liposuction and tummy tucks, which are sometimes botched by unqualified doctors! Crabby knows the first thing she'd think of doing if sent off to a foreign land to fight a bloody war is go get elective cosmetic surgery. How 'bout you? But unfortunately, troops are ending up sidelined from duty for extended periods when they should be off doing soldiery things instead.

And via Healthbolt, always a favorite source of amusing but educational health items: A speed-dating study out of Indiana University came to this conclusion: men look for beauty in assessing potential partners, while women seek wealth and financial security. Shocking, declares Cranky Fitness, just shocking!

The study also found that women were pickier than men. While men on average wanted to see about one out of two of the women again, the women wanted to meet only a third of the men. (The article didn't say which third--lets just be tasteful and assume the top third, from the chest up.)

And now a weird, too-small-to-be-useful, but intriguing study of Poets and Suicide, brought to Cranky Fitness by PsyBlog, a thoughtful psychology blog that Crabby somehow hadn't come across before. The study (which can be found here) used a computer program to analyze the text of 300 poems written by 20 different poets, half of whom eventually committed suicide. What sort of differences did they find in their poems?

Suicidal poets were not more likely to use words associated with negative emotions or mention death than the non-suicidal poets. However, they were more likely to use the first-person singular (I, me, my) than non-suicidal poets. And suicidal poets focused on sex more than non-suicidal poets.

So: "There once was a man from Nantucket..." was simply a cry for help? (Note: Crabby did not even realize there was a non-obscene version of this limerick, but apparently it all started off quite innocently!)

Now we make the leap from Surgery, Sex, and Death... to Fitness! But at least it's not Boring Old Normal Fitness.

So Kelly from Fitness Fixation, whom Crabby already adores, wrote a very funny post recently about blogging and swearing. (Her Mom even pipes up in the Comments; it's really cute). However, Crabby couldn't quite figure out how to sell that as health-related. But it turns out Kelly has another great post over at That'sfit in which she tells us How to Get Fit by Slinging Your Beloved Family Members Around Like Human Barbells! Now THAT is fitness related, so we're good! (And actually, the post contains some really smart ideas about exercising with your kids).

But here's where it starts to get weirder, because, well, Crabby doesn't have any kids so she was googling around looking for instructions on how to use one's pets as barbells. (Not for real! Just to find a funny picture, she swears).

Alas, no funny (free) pictures, but she did find some weird animal exercise stuff! She'll spare you the rest of them but she'll leave you with this bit of strangeness: (Warning: you may want to Turn Down Your Sound because this contains annoying music).

Crabby has NO idea what to make of that.

Anyway, she hopes you all have a great weekend! Crabby may stop by the blog and post something inconsequential, or she may go outside instead and play in the sunshine!

UPDATE: Well, Crabby was playing in the sunshine, but she returned home from her exciting adventures to discover her Feed was Suddenly Invalid! Crabby needs to feel Validated as much and as often as possible--so to be told that she now has Zero subscribers was a bit of a shock. She's going to Monkey Around with this post and see if perhaps the embedded YouTube video destroyed her feed, since that's the only thing unusual about it. She'll replace it with a link and see if that helps.

In Flight Entertainment

Sorry, this is not a real post. But Crabby didn't want to turn the lights off entirely at Cranky Fitness as she makes her way to D.C. for the start of her East Coast adventure.

As it happens, Crabby hates flying, so she will not be enjoying the journey all that much. She'll be counting down the minutes and gripping the armrests tightly in order to keep the plane aloft. (Silly pilots think they fly the planes, but really, it is all the nervous flyers back in the cabin who are doing all the work. If any one of us were to relax for a moment--fooom! However, don't worry, we take our responsibilities seriously. There will be no relaxing).

People sometimes give Crabby advice on how to deal with her "fear of flying." However, she doesn't feel that her fear is the problem. The problem is that every now and then, a plane crashes. That's the problem! Just invent planes that never, ever, ever crash--then Crabby will have no fear of flying. The argument that "well, you're even more likely to get killed during the cab ride to the airport" is, strangely enough, not helpful. It just makes Crabby that much more aware of the fact that the cabbie is driving 30 mph over the speed limit and cutting people off right and left and has permanently disabled the seatbelts.

So here are some totally silly things that made Crabby giggle over the last week or so. Since this is Not Really a Post, she'll just throw them around without worrying whether they're health-related or not.

Remember earlier we were talking about sweet little Oscar, the kitty who would cuddle up to dying nursing home patients, as though somehow he "knew it was time?" Well, via Chicken Girl, Mental Floss has the goods on Oscar. (Note: this is dark and weirdly delicious LOLcat humor, something the Crab was unfamiliar with until recently. She is still somewhat bewildered by it all, but she is nonetheless amused).

And in another Cat related post, Lady Rose over Diet Pulpit has a great diet suggestion--and don't worry, it doesn't involve feasting on felines.

This last link isn't cat related unless one wants to get really crude about anatomical slang expressions. We won't. Note, however: this commercial parody is a bit Raunchy, Juvenile, and is possibly Not Safe for Work depending on how uptight your workplace is. It is also Not New. Many of you may have seen it on TV already, but Crabby hadn't. (And it has the word hygiene in it, so Crabby is counting it as "health related.")

You are now free to move about the blogosphere.

Dog Gone It, The Crab Goes Visiting Again!

Remember how Crabby mentioned offhand that dog ownership might be healthy for you? Well over here at Diet Blog (sorry for the extra click) are some further thoughts she had on the subject. They are, of course, silly thoughts meant mostly in jest, and who knows if they will annoy people not accustomed to Crabby's weirdness. She hopes for the best.

The timing for the appearance of this post was good, actually, as last night Crabby was finishing up her post for this morning, and guess what? She carelessly dragged the base of her thumb across her touch pad, and in a split second managed to both highlight and delete 7/8ths of her post!

That should be no problem, right? Because in any other software program Crabby has ever used, if you accidentally delete a huge chunk of material, you don't save that version! You either "undo" your delete, or worst case, you go back and open up your old version where all that material hadn't been carelessly deleted yet.

But welcome to Blogger! Because if there's an "undo" function Crabby hasn't found it yet. (Readers, please tell her if there is and this will never happen again!) In addition, Blogger's lovely "AutoSave" function makes sure transient errors become permanent by deleting your old version within seconds. By the time she tried to open up her old post, it was gone.

So today she will rewrite the rest of the lost post, perhaps pop back in with something small later this afternoon (there are two great blogs she wants to recommend, and Friday's Roundup was looking a little crowded) and in the meantime, send you over to Diet Blog.

If you have any thoughts about Dog Ownership and Exercise, please share them either over at the Diet Blog post, or here, or both places, or neither! If you have any thoughts about Stupid Software, Accidental Deletion, Blogging Platforms, or computer frustrations generally, this would be the better place as the poor Diet Blog people have no idea Crabby is whining about that today.

Eeee-Haw, It's the Friday Round Up!

It's that time of the week again, when Crabby abandons all attempts at organizational themes or helpful transitions and just rounds up a bunch of random studies and links for you too read or not, whatever your preference. So saddle up your ponies and lets go for our usual wild ride!

So who knows how scientific this story is, and it's been out on the AP wires for a couple of days so you may have read it already. But it seems there's a cat at a nursing home who is normally pretty aloof. But "Oscar" has the ability to sense when a patient is about to die, and when they are he curls up beside them. The folks at the nursing home have become so convinced of his abilities to predict imminent death that they use him as an early warning system to let relatives know they may need to get in quick. Skeptical? Crabby was too, because it seems like the sort of thing people tend to exaggerate. But she's keeping an open mind, because apparently this little guy keeps getting it right over and over and over again--twenty five times so far. The full account is here.

In other animal matters (and this might make a full post one day, given the interests of Crabby's readers) there was recent study suggesting that owning a dog may make you healthier. Cats--not so much. Crabby needs to investigate this further, because while it may be that the necessary daily walks are helping people lower their blood pressure and cholesterol, it also seems possible that only relatively healthy people can take on dog ownership in the first place. The study may well have controlled for that; Crabby needs to poke around a bit more.

And here's a produce fact Crabby didn't know: watermelon is a vegetable, not a fruit! Elastic Waist (which is a cool blog) has a link, as did one of Crabby's Smart Readers, but Crabby forgot who it was, sorry! The links eventually take you to WebMd.

And it looks like scientists may have isolated the chemical in curry that helps prevent Alzheimer's. Crabby is glad that there may be a potential new weapon against Alzheimer's on the way; still it's much more fun to eat Indian food that swallow some sort of extract. So in the meantime: more curry, yumm.

So that's enough research for a Friday. Now it's on to some recreational links that have nothing to do with health.

For you writers, Jen over at The Working Writer has a post full of resources for writing Sex Scenes in novels--many of the amusing What Not to Do variety.

And Dawn at The Flightless Writer has a funny post about the similarities between bloggers and trained rats.

Finally, some silliness that has probably been making the rounds for years but it was new to Crabby. It's a compendium of unfortunately placed advertisements. Given that Crabby is easily fooled by photoshop, caution is advised; however, it looks as though the site's authors make some effort to "keep it real." Some of them are, actually, pretty damn unfortunate.

And if you've made it this far and can find something in this odd collection to comment on, Crabby will be quite impressed!

Research Roundup

So here is the weekly Random Research post. This was a tradition started on weekends, but Friday is a good day for randomness too, isn't it? After all, by Friday, who can think clearly and pay attention to a single subject for more than a paragraph or two? Certainly not Crabby. So fasten your seat-belts and watch in amazement as we descend from health-related studies into truly random and chaotic linkage!

First up is an article about the general health of truck drivers in the U.S., and guess what? It's not encouraging.

Some specifics, from an upcoming study by the Transportation Research Board:

Nearly half of truckers are regular smokers, compared to about one-fifth of all Americans. Only about one in ten get regular aerobic exercise. There are also high rates of obesity and sleep apnea.

Add to this the fact that the trucking industry has the most fatalities any industry and that truckers also report more injuries than any other occupation, and you have a good reason to worry for these (mostly) guys. The article goes on to highlight some efforts being made to improve trucker health, but given the scope of the problem, Crabby's not laying down money on dramatic improvements any time soon.

So truckers tend to be smokers? Perhaps we'll use that as a crude transition to a trio of studies that involved smoking. Somehow it seems doubtful that many readers of Cranky Fitness are big smokers, but what the heck.

So one good news items for smokers: there's at least one disease you're less likely to get than nonsmokers are. A recent study suggests cigarette smokers are at reduced risk for developing Parkinson's disease. Crabby hopes she doesn't need to point out that you'll be at higher risk for a bunch of other more common deadly health problems, like cancer, stroke, and heart attacks. Because you knew that already, right?

For those who are trying to quit smoking, and also struggling with a drinking problem, it looks like there may be one medication that helps for both addictions. It's called varenicline, and it's already available to help people stop smoking. But it may also help heavy drinkers and people struggling with other addictions by targeting a "pleasure center" in the brain.

Also, on the smoking front, there's this research concluding that smokers lose more muscle mass in old age, which then "predisposes smokers to an accelerated decline in physical function and loss of independence." Which means some earnest underpaid nurse's aide in your nursing home is going to be snatching those cigarettes out of your weakened grasp anyhow. So you you might as well quit now while the quittin's good.

And for those who might be partial to a bit of Friday Beefcake, Diet Blog has a great run-down on a recent study claiming that women really do go for brawny guys with lots o' muscles. Crabby's stereotype was that the shallow preoccupation with superficial aspects of physical appearance was a male vice, not a female one. But she discovered she was Wrong, Wrong, Wrong!

Diet Blog, unlike many other health reporting sites, actually showed the blob-headed but strangely studly pictures used in the studies, and went beyond the headlines to actually analyze the data. So gals (or guys) who have an opinion on Male Physique may want to check this out and report back to Crabby what they think about the whole thing.

And our good friend Martha over at That'sFit has a review of Fat Girl by Judith Moore that made Crabby eager to read it. Have any of you gotten to it yet, and if so, what did you think?

And finally, were we speaking of largeness? (Crabby is not even making a pretense of logical connections anymore). Here is a gratuitous picture of a Very Huge Cat. Seriously, do click on the link; you have to see this; scroll down a bit to get the full impact. This then allows Crabby to mention a favorite blogger, Penelope, Who Does Not Pretend to Be An Ordinary Cat. She has opinions about politics and all sorts of things, and has been rated NC-17 because of her use of objectionable language. Her sidebar is frequently updated and not to be missed.

Have enough random subjects been mentioned for now so that everyone might have an opinion about something? Crabby hopes so, because she loves to hear what you all are thinking!

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

So did anyone else who enjoys camping and hiking see this article and feel totally creeped out?

It's a news item from a few days ago, in which a black bear (not a Grizzly) slit open a tent in a campground and dragged off an eleven year old boy.

The story does not have a happy ending.

Yes, Crabby knows: it's very rare, it's not the bear's fault, expanding human habitation, blah, blah blah.

Still--the kid was minding his own business in a tent and got dragged away, like something out of a spooky old German fairy tale or your worst nightmare.

Hiking in remote and beautiful national parks is one of Crab