Does Your Hometown Have "Issues?"

[By Crabby]

Doctor, Sometimes I Just Feel So... Dirty!
(Photo credit: Spike)

So there's a new book out called "Who's Your City," which is about different places to live and the people who choose to live in them. And guess what? It's written by a guy named Richard Florida. It would be even cuter if he lived there!

I haven't read the book, but the Boston Globe did a thing on it, and it looks pretty cool. For instance, it has tips about finding the best place to live given your life stage and personality and goals and such.

(Psssst: wanna make some money in real estate? The author went on Stephen Colbert and they both agreed: just follow the gay people around. And hint: they all just moved to Provincetown, Massachusetts!) OK, maybe not every single one.

P-Town: Probably Still A Safe Investment

(Photo: Beach Comber)

Anyway, this whole concept of personality and place intrigues me. I'm one of those people who's totally opinionated about good places to live. Theoretically, I know it's all subjective, but in my heart of hearts I truly believe that the places I like are the "best."

People who live elsewhere must therefore either be: (a) unfortunate; (b) complacent; or (c) just plain crazy.

But come to find out, other people with different goals and personalities really do have perfectly legitimate reasons to live where they do. Even if it's somewhere I would hate to live!

Harummph! How is this possible?

So Florida (the guy, not the state) took a look at the way different personality types tend to cluster in different places. Not just in trendy neighborhoods, but in huge swaths of the United States and the world. And he found out some interesting things.

For example, check this out:

(Note: If you can't see it very well, you can go here instead--it's the "personality map").



Isn't it cute how the "agreeable people" all got together and decided to form a picture of a duck?

And isn't it sad that apparently a big part of the country forgot to have any personality at all? Whoops!

I was relieved to find out that I've entirely avoided living places where the "extroverted" and "conscientious" gather. Instead, I've been drawn to locations where the "open-to-experience" and "neurotic" folks hang out. Exactly on target!

Sorry Extroverts! You'll Just Have to Amuse Yourselves Without Me.
(Photo by adwriter)

So why do people with similar personality traits end up clustering together? According to Florida, one possibility is selective migration. Agreeable and conscientious types do NOT like to move, and the extroverts and open to experience people do, so people start sorting themselves into similar personality types.

Sure, sounds plausible. Whatever.

To me, as interesting as the big regional variations are, they seem kinda minor compared with the "neighborhood" factors. If you live in a hip urban neighborhood in say, New York--wouldn't you have more in common with people in a hip urban neighborhood in San Francisco or Chicago or even Paris? Instead of, say, other Northeastern folks who live in gated suburban communities or retirement homes or housing projects or farm towns?

The Sushi Place? No Problem. Make a Right at the Church,

Then Straight Ahead for About 300 Miles. Can't Miss It.
(Photo by docman)

I would tend to agree with the author that the place you live has a huge impact on your life. It can affect your employment options, the kind of people you'll meet, and even your opportunity to exercise and find healthy things to eat. (This is, after all, a health blog so it seemed wise to work in something about health. And hey, Cranky Fitness did actually do a post once on the importance of walkable neighborhoods).

Yet it seems like a lot of people just stay where they were born, or end up somewhere sort of arbitrarily and get trapped there, without ever really choosing.

How about you folks, do you like where you live? Does it suit your goals and personality? Did you choose it, or get stuck with it?

Out of The Basement and Into the Streets

[By Crabby]

[Note: This post was edited to remove all the introductory chat about the Lipton bike contest, which is now, unfortunately, over. But we still want you to get back on your bike!]


Are You Suffering from BIBD?

Please raise your hands: are there any of you out there who think riding a bicycle is an excellent idea, a healthy, practical, good-for-the-environment activity, but it's just too much of a pain to do in real life?

If so, you may be suffering from "BIBD," a medical condition we just made up. The good news? It's sometimes entirely curable! Read on to find out more.

How do I know about BIBD? Because I suffered from it too, starting sometime in 1983 until just last week. It's too early to tell if I'm cured, but I'm finally "on the road" to recovery!

So what is BIBD? It's short for Bicycle-in- the-Basement Disorder. (It also goes by the names "Bicycle in the Garage," "Bicycle in Storage at your Parent's House," or "I really Should Buy a Bike Someday" disorder.)

Warning Signs of BIBD:

1. You never or hardly ever ride a bicycle anymore;
2. You have access to a bike or the ability to get your hands on one without too much hardship;
3. You used to enjoy bike riding when you were younger;
4. You are still physically able to ride;
5. There are places near where you live suitable for bike riding and you feel slightly guilty when you see other people enjoying them.


Important Distinction: It's not a disorder if you have a Damn Good Reason for not ever riding a bike. Some of these include:

1. Your knees or back or other body parts won't let you.
2. You live somewhere where biking is unsafe.
3. You can't afford a bike.
4. Even in good weather, on a nice safe smooth level bike trail, you never really enjoyed being on a bike.
5. You have no place to put a bike.
6. Other reasons I'm forgetting which you'll let me know about in the Comments section.

Recovery From BIBD

Actually, there is no one cure for BIBD; rather, there are an arsenal of BIBD therapies and approaches.

1. Borrow or rent a bike somewhere fun.

Yeah, it's annoying to think about paying outrageous rental fees if you already have a bike, but never ride it. But if your bike needs fixing, or you never seem to make time for it in your regular life, then consider riding around somewhere scenic on vacation. Is it fun? This is important information.

2. If your bike is no longer ridable, go get it fixed or replace it.

Forget the fact you used to do all your own bike maintenance. Are you doing it now? No, you are not. So take the damn bike to the shop. Or if it's totally trashed, get another one. (You can get a bright shiny new one, or buy a used bike from someone who took better care of theirs than you did of yours). Promise yourself, if you need to, that when you start riding again for real, you'll find your tools and learn how to do all that stuff yourself again. But don't let the fact your bike is in a state of disrepair keep you from ever riding again.

3. Start with really short rides. Otherwise, your ass will hurt.

Yeah, your legs too, but you're sort of prepared for that. It's the ass thing that will take you by surprise. The weird thing is, it won't necessarily hurt the first time or the second but may wait until the third or fourth time out. (At least that's what happened to me). Keep your rides short and get used to it again gradually.

(And does anyone understand, physiologically, how exactly your butt manages to "get used to it" again? Are there callouses in there somewhere? Or do your butt nerve endings die off so you don't feel soreness anymore? That's always been a mystery to me).

4. Go on scenic routes to pretty places, if these are available.

It's worth a little extra planning to keep your rides really pleasant the first few times out. You may have to buy a rack for your car if your immediate neighborhood sucks. Just don't make your only destination commuting to work, especially if you hate your job, until you teach yourself that it's the job, not the bike, that sucks.

5. Once you remember that biking is a mostly-fun activity, start saving time, gas, and parking money by combining exercise with commuting or errands.

Depending on where you live, biking may have some practical advantages in addition to the exercise you're getting. Do you live somewhere where parking is nearly non-existent? Your bike could allow you to be one of those smug people who doesn't even care!

6. Buy some fun accessories.

If you haven't been biking for a long time, you're missing out on a chance to Get Cool Stuff. The nice thing about biking is that aside from the bike, there isn't all that much you need-- but there are great little gadgets and packs and clothing and such if you want them. And then the only way to enjoy your new purchase is to get out on your bike again and try it out!

Note: don't skip the helmet. Yes, it may squish your hair and make you look a bit geeky. But in the same way that forgetting your umbrella attracts rain clouds, not wearing a helmet is a magnet for crazy drivers and funky road conditions and concussions.

7. Move somewhere where biking is easy and fun.

This may seem an extreme step, but...

Too many people put fitness last when they are figuring out where they want to live. If you are thinking about moving anyway, and are lucky enough to have some options, consider a town or neighborhood that has bike lanes and bike paths and cool biking destinations. I often wonder why people are so willing to trade off having walking, running, and biking opportunities in order to live in large energy-hogging houses in isolated suburban areas where they have to drive everywhere.

Brief Case study:

Yeah, it's me again. I moved, and it got my bike out of the basement!

So obviously, having been in recovery from BIBD for only a week or two, I am so NOT an expert on all the plusses and minuses of riding around a lot. Do any of you ride? Do any of you wish you did but don't?

The Power of Negative Thinking

[By Crabby]

When you encounter a difficult or stressful situation, and someone advises you to: "Think Positive!" or "Look on the Bright Side!" do you:

(a) Smile and say "of course!" because it wouldn't occur to you to view life any other way?

Or do you:

(b) Barely stifle the urge to bop the optimist over the head with an umbrella, which you happen to have with you because it's pretty damn cloudy and the skies could break open at any minute?

Some folks are die-hard optimists and some are resolute pessimists and most of us fall somewhere in between. Personally, I think of myself right in the middle as a "realist," but given the general tendency of American culture to favor optimism, I know I probably fall much further down on the optimism scale--say somewhere around "party pooper."

Pessimism has a bad reputation. According to various studies, which I won't cite because they're annoying, we pessimists are supposedly less happy and less fun to be around blah blah blah.

(But we're also a hell of a lot less likely to lose our shirts when we gamble).

I'm not, in my own mind, overly pessimistic. When some important life event comes up I enjoy fantasizing about best-case scenarios. But I also imagine the worst case ones and I plan for them. I'm never late to the airport or an important meeting, for example, because I find it easy to visualize the multitude of things that could go wrong and make me horrendously late. (And yes, as a result, I'm always really freakin' early for everything).

As it turns out, if you are a somewhat anxious person, there is a psychology professor at Wellesley College, Julie K. Norem, who says: screw the optimism. Optimism isn't the best strategy for everyone. Defensive Pessimism, in which you allow yourself to imagine worst case scenarios, is a perfectly good strategy too. In fact, if you try to "think positively" just because everyone around you says "Turn that frown upside down!" it can just make you more anxious. (There is even a Defensive Pessimism quiz, if you want to find out if you are one. And yeah, I am.)

However, I also think it's possible to be a Very Happy Pessimist, if you do it right. Pessimism isn't something you should have to apologize for, especially if in using it properly you find yourself every bit as happy as one of those perky optimists.

So what's the trick to embracing your negative thinking and Loving Life as a Pessimist? It's actually really easy:

Anticipate the negative, but appreciate the hell out of the positive when it happens. Bonus: the more pessimistic you are, the more often you're pleasantly surprised!

Just think of it as delayed gratification. All those optimists celebrate early, assuming everything will go right. When it doesn't, they either have to cope with disappointment or ignore reality and pretend they never had such high expectations in the first place.

Happy pessimists, however, get the disappointment part over with early. We plan in case things go wrong, so if they do, we're prepared. But here's the difference between a Happy and an Unhappy pessimist: the unhappy one doesn't stop to appreciate that the Bad Things didn't happen.

Don't skip this step, this is the fun part of pessimism. Bask in relief and gratitude that things worked out nicely!

Unhappy pessimists go right on to worrying about the next thing. This, in my opinion, is a big mistake--unless you actually enjoy worrying. Which as it happens, some people do.

Note: I haven't read Professor Norem's book yet, so I could be getting the whole concept of Defensive Pessimism horribly wrong, and have just completely embarrassed myself and driven readers away from Cranky Fitness in droves.

Oh, wait, you're still here? Hooray!

So what sort of outlook do you folks have? Optimist? Pessimist? Somewhere in between? And do you think Crabby is Crazy in thinking there's such thing as a Happy Pessimist?

Happy Valentines Day?

[By Crabby]

Valentine's Day is a terrible holiday and I am totally against it.

For one thing, you don't get the day off work, which makes it a crappy excuse for a holiday. But the worst thing is the forced, commercialized nature of it. It pretends to be a celebration, but just seems to put all kinds of weird pressure on the coupled and the uncoupled alike.

Singles often say they feel extra lonely and marginalized, even those who are generally quite happy and content with their unencumbered state.

And even many happily married couples seem to be gritting their teeth a bit. The gals often end up feeling under-appreciated. Because isn't your guy's Valentine's Day performance supposed to be some sort of test of how much he loves you? That's what all the commercials say. Like the pressure to be skinny or eternally youthful--even if you know perfectly well the message is bogus, it's still hard not to be affected by it.

(So, like how come you ended up with the guy who never remembers it's Valentines Day at all, or who'd rather celebrate with pizza and a night in front of the tv? Where's that thoughtful hubby who sends flowers to the office where all the other girls can admire them? And how come other women get those broad-shouldered dudes in black tie who spirit them off in a limo for an elegant dinner, then coyly pull out a $20,000 diamond necklace? Where the hell is your limo ride and diamond necklace, huh?)

As for the men... I'm guessing no matter how diplomatically they've learned to hide it, many must secretly dread the whole thing. Culturally, Valentines Day is not a gender-neutral, equal opportunity occasion. It's a test. If you are a straight couple (one gathers from the tv commercials) the Boy's role is to Come Through with the Goodies. The Girl's role is to Cross Her Fingers and Hope He Doesn't F*ck it Up.

So yeah, I hate Valentine's Day... in theory.

But, well, the Crab and the Lobster do celebrate Valentine's Day anyway and it's pretty much always awesome.

[Sorry, some of you probably didn't need to hear that today].

I think same-sex couples have it a little easier on Valentines Day--we're pretty much left out of the cultural and media conversations. DeBeers has not yet, to my knowledge, tried to put pressure on Susie to spring for an expensive diamond bracelet to prove her love to Pam. The 1-800-Flower people are not bugging Steve to make sure he remembers to send a bouquet to Jonathan on this special day. The advertisers leave us the hell alone. Usually that bugs me, but it this case, I feel like it's actually a favor.

However, there are still plenty of miserable gay people on Valentines Day. Why are the Crab and Lobster so lucky?

Partly it's because we've customized the celebration. There's no pressure--it's just one more chance to say "I love you" and have a really nice dinner out. (Which we may actually have the night before or the night after, when it's easier to get reservations. We don't give a crap about the actual date). We don't do the candy or the flowers anymore, or even cards, because after 17 years, we've done all that stuff enough already. We don't need to make any sort of special statement, other than: you're amazing, I love you, how about steak tonight? It may be coincidence, but other couples we know who enjoy the holiday also tend to take a fairly low-key approach.

(Actually, I think the main reason I still enjoy Valentines Day so much despite all my objections is because the Lobster is an incredible person and a perfect partner. So what's not to celebrate? And yes, we belong to that rare and profoundly annoying species: the blissfully happy couple. Really, I'm not kidding, you best avoid us--we're totally nauseating to be around.)

Anyway, to me, what's wrong with Valentines Day is pretty much what's wrong with our view of romantic relationships generally: we celebrate the superficial and barely acknowledge the deeper stuff.

Just look at how so many people select mates: The sweetest, most reliable, thoughtful guy in the world is considered a "loser" if he's not financially successful. The funniest, kindest, brightest woman in the world is considered hopeless if if she's got a few extra pounds or wasn't blessed with a pretty face. Fortunately, not everyone is so short-sighted--but a lot of people are exactly that superficial. The poster children for "love" are always young and pretty and rich, as though those qualities have anything at all to do with the success of long-term relationships.

So my advice? Screw the arbitrary over-hyped Hallmark version of Valentines Day. If you have love to celebrate, celebrate it every day and any old way you feel like it. And if trading heart shaped boxes of candy once a year makes you happy, then do it and have fun!

Just don't let a bunch of corporate hucksters set your expectations for how love is supposed to be shown. The flower and candy and diamond merchants don't give a hoot about your relationship--they just want your credit card number.

What if you are single on Valentines Day? Try to ignore those ads that imply everyone else out there is (a) coupled and (b) happy about it. Sure, a few of us are, but in most cases, a recent study says couples actually find each other more irritating over time. (Not true of other relationships, apparently, like with your friends or your kids). Just keep in mind that a lot of those guys you see dutifully heading home with huge bouquets of roses are actually feeling kinda pissed off at the gals they're bringing 'em home to.

And if you've got some extra unused love on a day meant to celebrate that emotion? Well, how about spending some on yourself. Strangely enough, you may find you plenty left over for other people you care about too.

How about you folks--do you tend to enjoy Valentine's Day, or do you just wish it would hurry up and be over?

Ah Ha--Just What I Thought!

[By Crabby]

So apparently some Australian researchers took a look at how people search the web for health information. And guess what they found?

People pretty much just pay attention to stuff that confirms what they already believe.

As one of the researchers said: "Even if people read the right material, they are stubborn to changing their views. This means that providing people with the right information on its own may not be enough."

Gosh, what a surprise.

I recognize this "I'm going to believe what I want to believe" tendency in myself, obviously. But I do at least know it's a fault, not a virtue. As much as I spout off my opinions, I am at least kind of aware they're opinions, and I try to take other points of view into consideration. Sometimes, I even change my mind!

So this study got me to thinking about the idea psychological maturity. Because I think the ability to get past your own biases and take in new information has something to do with that. So we'll leave the dull topic of "health information on the web" far behind as I go out on a limb and invent my own Simplistic Psychological Dichotomy!

Unfortunately, personality traits do not come in convenient black and white categories. But it's much more fun to pretend they do instead of dealing with a big messy continuum. So for the sake of discussion, we're going to divide the world up into two kinds of people: the Screaming Baby-Heads, and Wishy-Washy Grown-Ups.

Who are the Screaming Baby-Heads? Well, their whole lives are like the Australian study. They only take in information they want to take in. They just haven't achieved the ego-strength to separate their own desires, biases, emotions, and fantasies from reality. A "reality" apart from their own self-interest is too threatening and just not very much fun, so it can't exist.

The Wishy-Washy Grown-Ups, while not immune from Baby-Headedness in certain circumstances, have at least learned that they filter "reality" through their own perception. These people acknowledge, at least in theory, that they are not always right about everything. They know that even if they really want something to be true, sometimes it isn't. When evidence changes or new perspectives emerge, they may even (gasp) change their minds. These people are not, obviously, allowed to head up corporations or run our governments or even be listened to much anymore because they "flip-flop" and they're not decisive, strong, and steadfast like people who never question themselves. They're boring when they speak because they're always saying things like "possibly" and "I could be wrong" and "on the other hand."

I have a strong suspicion that most regular readers of Cranky Fitness spend the majority of their time being Wishy Washy Grown Ups, which is why I love you all. Even a brief perusal of the comments section reveals curiosity, open-mindedness, respect for others' points of view, and self-deprecating humor, all, in my opinion, hallmarks of emotionally mature adults. So what if that attitude may not get you elected or chosen to star in any reality tv shows? I still say, hooray for WWGU's!

(And actually, not all Screaming Baby-Heads are obnoxious over-confident assholes. There are different kinds of baby-headedness. Some SBH's can freely admit to mistakes, and can actually be really nice to people with whom they don't agree. But, like the obnoxious variety, these babyheads are incapable of believing that their own emotions and desires are not reality. These people fall for the same sociopathic boyfriends over and over, max out their credit cards for luxuries and expect no consequences, and keep believing those ads for miracle diets that will allow them to lose 50 lbs a month while eating all they want.)

So, assuming most of you are WWGU's and know all about the joys and disappointments of boring every-day fact-based reality, here's a brief guide to the life on the other side.

What's good about being a Screaming Baby-Head? Plenty! Check it out:

• Life is simple.
• All the people you like are good people.
• Coincidentally, all the people you don't like are bad people.
• You are the center of the universe.
• Your religion is 100% right and everyone else is screwed, but that's okay because they must deserve it for some reason.
• Your chances of buying a winning lotto ticket are much higher than anyone else's.
• Even though bad things may happen, they will probably go away soon and are never your fault.
• If you are angry at someone, they must have done something very bad to make you angry. Conveniently enough, your emotions are always a perfect mirror of reality. This means you never need to apologize for anything!
  
• If you are attracted to someone, it's because they're perfect.
• If you are no longer attracted to someone who seemed perfect, this is because they are evil and they tricked you. This makes it easy to move on with no regrets.
• Whatever you desire, you deserve.
  
• You don't have to worry about how your actions affect others, because you never do anything wrong.
• Tomorrow is always going to be way better than today, because you're special!
• Because TV networks, box-office hits, and political campaigns are totally tapped into the SBH market, there's always something good to watch and someone great to vote for!
  

Pretty nice, huh? If you're a Wishy-Washy Grown Up grappling with a subtle, complicated, conflicted reality, being a Screaming Baby-Head can start to look pretty darn attractive.

So what's bad about being a Screaming Baby-Head?

• Oddly enough, considering you're such a special person, you don't catch as many breaks as other people. For example, you may get fired for no reason at all!
• Again, strangely, since you're incredibly likable, many people are not nice to you and even people who don't deserve you as a friend don't even try very hard to get to know you.
• People who start off "good people" can instantly turn evil.
  
• Most mystifying of all: so many things keep turning out differently than they should! Where is that happy marriage, that fit healthy body, that rewarding career, that fortune in the bank you deserve? What the hell is up with that?

Someone is obviously responsible for the frustrations of the SBH's. Obviously, it's not their fault... must be some Evil Conspiracy by a bunch of those Wishy-Washy Grown Ups?

Of course I have plenty of babyheadedness of my own to deal with, as I assume we all do... but do any of you know any real Babyheads out there? Or is the whole notion sort of, well, Babyheaded?

Embitterment Disorder: Cool, A Brand New Disease!

[By Crabby]

(OK, So It's Not In a Text Book Yet, But Let's Pretend.)

I don't know why, but I'm always amused whenever the psychological researchers try to introduce a potential new mental disorders (like, say, cyberchondria or blogitis). Perhaps it's that process of taking behavior that seems "part of regular life," (however f*cked up regular life may be), and medicalizing it. Does this mean there will be a pill for it soon? (And will it be a bitter pill to swallow?)

Which is not to say these phenomena aren't real and painful--but pretty soon we're all just going to have to declare ourselves psychological basket cases of one sort or another. None of us will have personalities anymore, just clinical diagnoses.

So this latest study talks about a new potential diagnosis: post-traumatic embitterment disorder. (Quick translation: being all bitter because something bad happened to you.) Being too cheap to subscribe to actual scholarly journals, I can only work off the embitterment abstract, but to me the whole study seemed, well, kind of dumb.

(A brief digression: I love the idea of psychological research, because, well, people are bizarre and fascinating and I want to know why, don't you? But the actual studies themselves--I've read a ton of them and they're pretty much all lame. They're always proposing some obscure model or explaining something obvious in confusing made-up language. I studied psychology for many years--but I can't say I learned much of anything useful, in terms of helping or understanding people, from any of these studies. Microbiology? That's a science. Psychology? I'm not sure it is, yet.)

Anyway, back to Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder. It's defined as "prolonged embitterment, severe additional psychopathological symptoms and great impairment in most areas of life in reaction to a severe negative but not life threatening life event."

Did the abstract include the interesting part, that is, how do you define "embittermnent?" Nope. Are you clinically bitter? No way to know from this. There's apparently a scale, the Bern Embitterment Scale, which sounds very useful to administer to potential spouses, co-workers, friends, or whatever, but I couldn't find any info on it. What do you ask to get people to admit it? "Hell yeah, I'm a bitter pain-in-the-ass to be around, thanks for asking."

So basically what they did for this "study" was they gathered up a bunch of people they already decided fit this description, and compared them to 50 other mentally ill people who didn't. The bitter people were more depressed, suffered more adjustment problems, but were less anxious than the others. Okay, whatever.

But bitterness is an interesting psychological concept. I'm going to ditch the scientists for a moment and struggle with my own conception of what it is and why it's so hard to be around.

Because to me, it's more than mere crankiness (thank goodness). You can bitch and complain about all kinds of things and still be a basically happy well-adjusted person. To me it feels like there's not just depression and negativity about bitterness--it also seems tinged with hostility and entitlement too. Not just "why did this bad thing happen," but "why did this bad thing happen to ME and not YOU? Bad things always happening to ME and they shouldn't. And I'm not going to do anything different to avoid bad things, either, because none of them are MY fault."

But maybe that's just my idea of what bitterness sounds like. You all may have better suggestions as to what we're actually talking about when we say someone is bitter.

Another question: why are the researchers focusing on post-traumatic bitterness, the kind you would get as a result of having an Awful Thing happen? In my experience, bitterness is more interesting (and I think more prevalent) as a personality issue, not as a response to stress.

We all know people suffering from Bitter Personality Disorder, whether they call it that yet or not. They're bitter when something bad happens and bitter when something good happens. It's a world view that often seems independent of actual life events. We've all know people who've been through horrendous trauma and aren't bitter--but other people who stay bitter for weeks over a parking ticket that they totally deserved.

Anyway, I think a better question about those suffering from Embitterment Disorder: how do we get them de-bitterized? That would be useful information.

When exercise might not be the right answer

[Written by Mary]

No, I'm not talking about the retired professor who wrote "The Joy of Laziness," advocating that people exercise less and sleep in more. He felt that exercise made people more stressed, while laziness (such as hanging out in a hammock) made them more relaxed. I'd like to put that theory to further non-rigorous testing before offering an opinion one way or another.

I'm talking about an article in Psychology Today about how exercise might not be the best way to respond to stress. This is totally contrary to my oft-repeated mantra of exercise or else, but this article made me think. (In itself a good thing.)

Basically the author suggests that exercise might not be the best response to stress. Or at least, not all the time. She advocates positive social contact instead. (I'm grossly oversimplifying what the author wrote, but that's a side effect of my laziness testing.) She quotes a neuroscientist, "You may think exercise is curative... but the calm you get from jogging 10 miles is more analgesic than therapeutic."

This runs counter to everything else I've read on the subject. Everywhere you look experts are recommending exercise as a form of stress management. Exercise helps the body relax. It doesn't make my problems go away, but if I'm relaxed I'm better prepared to face them.

The idea of deliberately not exercising worries me a bit. It would be so easy to slide into the habit of using stress as an excuse not to exercise. Working out is the best way to blow off steam that I know of. Perhaps the solution would be for people in high-stress situations to exercise in a social setting: go to a gym, join a cycling group, something like that. I've always been a loner when it comes to exercise, but maybe I could persuade the dog to come along on a run.

I don't think there's anything wrong with positive social contact when you're having a stressed-out day; I just don't think it should take the place of exercise.

I remember reading of one woman who used to stuff herself whenever she was upset, taking the concept of comfort food to an extreme. Then she switched to exercising when she was upset, which at first was great. She lost a lot of weight, toned her body, and felt good about herself. But she felt good about herself only when she was exercising. So she ended up exercising for hours at a time (I believe her exercise drug of choice was dancing), to the point where she seriously injured the tendons in her legs but wanted to continue dancing anyway. Someone in that situation should probably try hammock testing for a change. Or social contact. (Or social contact in a hammock.)

Seems to me that if you have a tendency to take things to this extreme, then exercise might not be the right answer for you. I suspect this woman is the exception rather than the rule. But that's just my opinion. What do you think?

Note: the hammock up above is available for a mere $19,500. (Background setting not included.) I don't know how you're supposed to relax in something that expensive, but it does look nice.

Thank you cards: the ultimate in creative writing

[By Mary]

According to the psychologists, one of the keys to happiness is gratitude. Gratitude is not only good for society, but is also good for your mental and physical health.

How can you cultivate more gratitude, and thus more health and happiness, in your life?

Don't ask me. Nobody has sent in an Ask Cranky Fitness question on that topic.

Or rather, check back later and ask on a different day. Because this is the season for Thank You cards, which could be genuine expressions of gratitude... but usually aren't.

Really, what can you say?

How many times can you write "thank you very much, that was a very thoughtful gift" before gagging?

There are basic instructions on how to write a thank you card. I love the way these all start with 'get a blank piece of paper.' Presumably the authors thought you might not know it's not the time to recycle an old shopping list or something like that? But they don't tell me what I need to know, which is how to lie gracefully.

I don't want to hurt people's feelings. After all, no matter how awful it seems from my perspective, they took the time and trouble to go out and buy it, wrap it, mail it to me. I do appreciate the effort and the thought, but saying so makes people realize that you don't love the gift, and their feelings get hurt. There's got to be some kind of middle ground between honesty and hypocrisy.

One article on writing thank you notes advises against lying. Find something nice to say about the gift. "There's always some truth to be extracted." (The writer did suggest using small note cards.) That's where I'm stuck. I know people who practice gratitude tend to be more optimistic and have healthier immune systems, but how do I practice gratitude with sincerity?

I guess what I need is a book of Miss Manners sample notes for different situations.

• What kind of thank you card do you write when someone gives you a really expensive present and all you got them was some cheesy, hokey kind of a joke gift?
• Or when you went through a lot of trouble, stood in line and fought crowds to get someone the perfect gift and they gave you a second-hand toothpick container?
• And how on earth can you avoid sounding completely insincere when thanking someone for a gift that you'd have paid good money never to have opened? One co-worker got a calendar for Christmas. Each month had a different picture of a scenic location -- and in the foreground of each picture was a close-up of a pile of dog crap. That was the point of the whole calendar. This is not the kind of gift you can automatically assume everyone will love.

All right, I have to ask. How do you solve this problem of writing a thank you card for something you can't honestly say you appreciate? I can't be the first person to wrestle with this situation.

I wrote the above and then I went and read Leah's blog post about gratitude. I'm going to go back and tackle those Thank You cards again. There's so much to be thankful about; I can find something positive to say about these presents.

Resolutions, Shmezolutions

[By Crabby]


Do you make New Year's Resolutions?

In some ways, it seems kind of silly. If there are a bunch of things in your life that need fixing, then why wait until January 1st to fix them? Fix 'em in April! Fix 'em in September! It's not like there's some magical supply of willpower that becomes available one special day each year.

On the other hand, there are goofier cultural traditions than an annual vow to become a better person. (There's kissing strangers under mistletoe, for instance, or encouraging young children to don costumes and hustle candy bars from their neighbors. Oh, and throwing small explosives around to celebrate Independence day, that's a good one).

One positive thing about New Year's resolutions is they're conveniently timed: they follow immediately after a season devoted to overspending, over-eating, and over-imbibing. Having a ritual specially designed to ease guilt and psychologically reverse all the damage done simply by assembling a list of good intentions? Very handy.

(New Years Resolutions are also quite useful if you write a Health and Fitness Blog: no need to think of a topic for New Years Day!)

So here we go: a special Cranky Fitness New Years Resolution Q&A.

1. What are the most common New Year's Resolutions?

Kinda what you'd think: to lose weight and get more exercise.

(Note: link may require registration, sorry).


2. Do New Years Eve Resolutions even work?

Nope, not usually. At least not according to this researcher on procrastination. (And yes, it did take him 10 years to compile his report).


3. Is it better to just pick one thing or tackle a bunch of changes all at once?

Well, one would think One Thing, and professionals often give this advice. (Like here or here, for instance, and about 1700 other places).

But this recent study said just the opposite: do a bunch of things at once! People who were trying to quite smoking, get more exercise, and reduce the salt in their diet did better when they went after all their bad habits at the same time.

Go figure!

This seems counter-intuitive, especially for people who are already juggling a boatload of other demands and who try, all year, to do their best, but--whatever.

(And if you want some suggestions for a resolution list that has Multiple Things on it but is not at all unreasonable, Martha over at That's Fit has a good one.)


4. So then what is the Cranky Fitness Official Position on the Advisability of New Year's Resolutions? For or Against?

The Crabby half of Cranky Fitness is Firmly Against tyrannical, hard-assed resolution lists. (And the other half probably is too but Mary's off doing important things right now and can't be consulted).

Those "aspirational" impossible "aim-high" lists make most people just feel like weak-willed losers when they can't even get close.

But combining a period of reflection, a thoughtful consideration of priorities, and a short realistic list of good intentions? That's not necessarily a bad idea.

Here's an alternative, though:

How about an Old Year's Resolutions List?


5. What The Hell are Old Year's Resolutions?

It's a list of all the things you were working on last year and intend to keep doing. New Years doesn't come in a vacuum, and if you're here reading a health and fitness blog, there's a good chance you weren't just sitting on your ass eating Domino's Oreo dessert pizzas for all of 2007.

Make sure you pat yourself on the back for every accomplishment you can remember from last year. Did you start running, quit smoking, cut back on sugar, eat more vegetables last year? Did you snap less at your spouse or get better at recycling or figure out how to get an extra half hour of sleep an night? Hooray for you!

And if you want to think ahead on how you might want to build on that; that's cool too. But small accomplishments under your belt beat grandiose promises for the future. Celebrate your past success and plan on having more of it in 2008!


6. But I don't want an Old Year's List, I want a New Years one. Don't you have any helpful suggestions for what to put on it?

All right, here's one. Stephanie from Back in Skinny Jeans was running a series of inspirational quotes over the holidays, and we'll steal one here. This, from Judy Garland:

"Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else."

Perhaps that will be the Official Cranky Fitness New Years Resolution Recommendation for 2008.

Are any of you doing the New Year's Resolution thing this year?

Not that we encourage goofing off at work...

[Hmph. Crabby's off today, and I'm here holding down the fort while she's enjoying a wild, carefree, and champagne-filled vacation. Not that I'm bitter, no, not me. Well, not too much. But frankly, I'm not ready to go back to being good yet. One more day of goofing off. -Mary]





Look, there's no way you're getting any work done today. For heaven's sake, you deserve a medal for even coming in to work this week. Everyone's taking the week off and leaving you to hold down the fort while they're goofing off. Well the heck with them. You deserve a little fun yourself.

So go ahead, indulge.

I mean, it's not as if the boss were looking over your shoulder, right? Here are some ways to annoy your boss if he or she were actually here but they're not so you can annoy them with a clear conscience:

Pop some virtual Bubble wrap. It's therapy, in a way. You can't (or probably shouldn't) behave like a rock star and trash your office, but you can get the virtual effect of cheap destructive satisfaction without having to clean up afterwards.

Have you tried this game? Be warned: Boomshine seems simple enough, but I've known people become addicted. Probably because it looks so simple. People get fired up with the determination to prove to themselves that they're able to accomplish something that seems so easy.

Google your name to find out what people are saying about you. Your boss probably has. Or your future employer might.

Go to technorati to find out what people are saying about your blog. Oh come on. You want to know who linked to your blog and what they said about you.

Think you're smarter than Alex Trebek? Try this geography quiz. I have to confess, I fancied myself as quite the geography expert, but alas I'm not as good as I thought I was. (I got a 10.) On the plus side, I now have some vague idea where Burkina Faso is, which is more than a lot of Americans can say. (Did you have to look it up? Don't tell me you knew off the top of your head! Wow. I am impressed. And if you can pronounce the name of the capital city, I'll be really impressed.)

What, that bubble wrap wasn't enough? Need to work off some more frustration? Here's your chance to rearrange Henry Tudor's face.


Feel like you're part of a chain gang? This site lets you listen to traditional work songs and ballads. I'm sure the singing on these selections is very powerful and poignant and all kinds of good things, but for some reason the song I listened to had a woman backup singer who rather reminded me of a cat singing.





Which is my way of neatly segueing into the final idea of what to do at work when you don't feel like working.

Ever wonder what your cat's up to while you're at work? One guy hooked up a miniature video camera to his cat's collar and videotaped where his cat went on its travels. I think this is an idea with some potential to it. Want to know what your boyfriend is doing when he's not at home? Ever wonder why it takes your girlfriend so long to go "shopping"? Maybe a secret video camera would be the solution.

Okay, I am kidding with this idea, you do know that ... right? I don't want to be responsible for breaking up any relationships. Forget I ever said anything. Look, back to the subject of cats. (Much safer topic.) If your cat is stuck indoors all day while you're at work, why not provide kitty with some entertainment?


[Oh hell. Crabby's going to come back and find everyone is mad at her since her blog fell off the straight-and-narrow path of fitness and instead led readers into a quagmire of relational arguments. I'm doomed.]

Teen Sex Study: Surprise!

This is just a quick weekend toss-it-up-there post, but this study was just too interesting to pass up.

So if the newspaper articles are titled anything like this web story, are parents going to be hiding their local Journals and Couriers and Examiners and Independents for a few days?

Or are they going to clip out the articles and hand them to little Madison and Jason immediately so they won't miss finding out: "Early Sexual Activity May Curb Teen Delinquency."

Wow. This is not what everyone previously thought. In fact,we've been hearing pretty much the opposite all our lives.

So do you think the local school boards, PTA's, Church groups, social service organizations, etc, now armed with this new information, should start handing out condoms instead of anti-sex morality lectures? Hmm... that'll probably happen, lets see... when hell freezes over.

The study followed 534 same-sex twin pairs between 1994 and 2002, which would seem to filter out some of the confounding social and economic factors that you'd get if you just compared "kids who end up having sex early" with "kids who ended up waiting."

Said one of the study's authors: "There is a cultural assumption in the United States that if teens have sex early, it is somehow bad for their psychological health. But we actually found that teens who had sex earlier seem to have better relationships later. Now we want to find out why."

This being a Saturday, Cranky Fitness hereby absolves itself from checking out whether this was a peer reviewed study from a reputable source or something less reliable. (We will just note that it came out of the University of Virginia and was published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence--but that the lead researcher is still a Ph.D. candidate.)

Cranky Fitness just liked this study, even though it did not, itself, "start early."

However, those of you who are the parents of teenagers may not find yourselves quite as amused and pleasantly surprised by this information, should it turn out to be true.

Any thoughts?

Getting Rid of Stuff You Don't Need

Is this an inspirational post about letting go of anger and petty resentments, embracing joy and forgiveness, and moving forward to appreciate every moment of a more spiritual, generous, and unencumbered existence?

Nah. Let's not get carried away here.

Crabby just has a bunch of crap in the basement that she's gonna have to sort through before she and the Lobster can sell the house. So that's what this post is about.

(Health-related? Well, um, there's always "mental health" and so... hmm... something about honoring the past while moving forward and avoiding procrastination and tackling things and you'll feel better blah blah blah?)

The real reason for the post is that Crabby needs to try to figure out how to take pictures and put them on her blog and stop using stock photos all the time. Eventually she wants to learn how to be more like her blog idol, the world-famous Bossy. (And you MUST go check out Bossy's blog if you haven't recently, especially this post. It's even fitness related!)

But here's the problem with aspiring to be Bossy one day: Crabby is crap at taking pictures. And she's never learned how to do photo editing because it looks really complicated. Today will be the first time she ever even attached a camera to her computer and downloaded a photo--before, the Lobster just emailed her stuff.

However, Crabby is feeling all inspired by the advice she got yesterday--many of you pointed out that you really need to try New Things sometimes. (Plus, it is time to start sorting through all those piles of junk stashed all over the house so she and the Lobster can get ready to move to Disneyland Provincetown!)

Of Course This Isn't Crabby's Photo
(Just Seeing If You Were Paying Attention)

So let's get started, shall we?

When sorting through your own personal belongings, whether for a move or "spring cleaning" or whatever, do any of you struggle with deciding what to keep and what to toss?

Like there seem to be some items that are not the least bit useful but somehow you can't bring yourself to throw them away:

The Recycling Guys Won't Take Her Anyway

But then there are other items that are a little easier to part with:

She Did Watch it, Once

Sometimes, you don't even know what the hell the thing is:.

It Probably Cuts Something, but What?

And then there are items you can't throw out, but you really shouldn't move them either. You may have to suck it up and deal with them.

This is Money, but Not the Fun Kind

And others items have only sentimental value and you probably shouldn't move them again one more time. (Especially if you no longer own a turntable).

So What if They're Warped? So is Crabby!

In fact, Crabby promised she wouldn't move her humongous box of unplayable lp's ever again. She hadn't opened the box since two moves ago.

She swears she won't just re-label the box: Important Tax Records; Must Save! Because that would be sneaky and dishonest and very, very wrong.


So is Crabby the only one who has Trouble Getting Rid of Stuff? What do you folks do about keeping, tossing, or moving your worldly possessions?

Take My Advice--I'm Not Using It

So the title of this post was once a refrigerator magnet or a bumper sticker or something, one that was meant to be funny. But, well, it's true, right? It's so much easier to give advice than to take it. We see other people doing stupid things to mess up their lives, and we feel almost a physical urge to slap them upside the head and tell them that they should be doing smart things instead.

Then at the same time, we go around doing the same kind of stupid-ass things ourselves, just a slightly different version.

When you're young people give you lots of advice, most of which you ignore. And then you get older and you wish you'd paid attention to at least a little of it. So then you see a young person about to make the same mistakes you did and you naturally want to scream: STOP THAT! YOU ARE GOING TO BE SO F*CKING SORRY LATER, I SWEAR!

But either you hold your tongue, or you tell them what they should do and they just ignore you. Sort of like you did when you were young and people tried to warn you about things.

And as we grow up into adulthood and middle age and old age, we keep doing things that later we may regret. You know that saying about youth being wasted on the young? Well maybe all the life stages are wasted on those who are living them, because we get too caught up in what's happening in our daily lives to make smart decisions about the Big Things. Or even the little things. What are we all doing now that we'll regret twenty years down the road?

If someone actually told us now, would we pay any attention?

So here's a chance for any Cranky Fitness readers, of whatever age, to pass along Unsolicited Life Advice to others. (Note: you don't have to actually follow your own advice yourself. That's way harder.)

And Life Advice can be about Big Things or Little Things. Because the Little Things are important too! Remember the "sunscreen graduation speech" that was widely circulated a decade ago? (It was written by Mary Schmich, but falsely attributed to Kurt Vonnegut at the time). Well, part of the reason it was so popular, aside from the attribution error, was that it contained Smaller Truths as well as the Bigger ones. (And because one of the huge regrets many of us have as we age is, actually, that we didn't wear enough damn sunscreen.)

Anyway, this is one of those posts that will happen mostly in the Comments section, because readers always have the best advice! (And it would be particularly useful if people had advice for middle-aged and older people as well as youngsters, because some of us are actually not so young anymore. We need age-appropriate advice that we can ignore too. So, youngsters, don't feel shy about telling us old farts what we should do, since we're always handing out plenty advice down your direction).

Anyway, here are a few initial random pieces of unsolicited advice. And lets hope it gets better than this when you folks weigh in!

1. Ignore almost everything you learned as an adolescent. Adolescence is not like the rest of life--just grit your teeth and get through it and try not to let it permanently damage your self-esteem. Adolescent popularity often seems to involve: obsessing over your appearance; having the "right" clothes or gear; conforming to what everyone else around you is doing; disdaining anyone in authority or anyone below you on the social ladder; and taking lots of reckless chances just for the hell of it.

This is not, strangely enough, the best formula for happiness later in life.

And sure, there are few lucky folks who succeed at being popular and successful both as teenagers and as grown ups--but often there is almost an inverse relationship between teenage happiness and any other kind.

2. Don't slouch. Even if you are embarrassed by your height, your boobs, your lack of boobs, or whatever--you will regret your lousy posture later. There will come a time when you don't even have the option to pull your shoulders back anymore or stand up straight if you don't get in the habit when you're younger.

3. Don't smoke cigarettes.

4. Don't marry or have kids young. Unless you are (a) incredibly lucky or (b) unusually wise beyond your years. This is because there is almost no correlation between what makes someone seem incredibly attractive to the average, say, 19-year-old, and what makes a person a caring, reliable, loving partner worthy of a lifetime commitment.

Play the field first, however you might define "play." Learn whether you are naturally attracted to people who are good to you. If not, teach yourself to find good people attractive before you commit yourself (and possibly your children) to someone who isn't kind or stable. It's not fair to your kids, or yourself, to marry an abusive or neglectful or just-plain-crazy person in order to fulfill some kind of romantic fantasy. The stakes are way too high.

5. Don't fear exercise--get used to it early and it becomes like brushing your teeth--something you may not always feel like but that is so ingrained you feel sort of ashamed and dirty if you don't get around to it.

6. Start saving money and earning interest on it as soon as you are able. If you are five years old and your mommy is reading this blog to you right now and the tooth fairy just left you a dollar? Then make mommy give you change for that dollar and put a quarter of it right in the bank. Seriously, that whole compounded-interest thing is totally amazing. If you save a big chunk of those tooth fairy quarters and babysitting dollars and foregone Starbucks lattes and first paychecks and holiday bonuses and let it all earn interest for a few decades? Voila: financial security. (Or at least a lot less debt!).

7. Hang on to memories too, not just money. Keep those old pictures of yourself, your family, your friends, your exes--even some of the unflattering or painful ones. As time goes on you really will forget what you looked like, what you wore, who you hung out with, where you went and, well, who the hell you were. Later, you will be curious.

8. Put more effort into being kind and pleasant to your loved ones than you do your boss or your clients or your co-workers. Not that you should be rude to or abrupt with anyone. But too many people seem to feel that their own partners or family members don't merit the same patience and courtesy they extend in "social" situations to colleagues or even total strangers. This is backwards, really common, and kinda screwed up when you think about it.

9. If you have safely reached middle age with some cherished long-term friendships intact, and you find yourself telling a funny story: realize that you already told these people this story. Yes, you have, even if you don't remember that you did. If it is indeed funny and it happened more than 24 hours ago--yep, they've heard it. The reason they are smiling and laughing and asking questions is because they like you, and because they're really nice people. So go ahead and tell it again and enjoy the warmth that their laughter brings--but make sure to appreciate those people who make your old stories feel new each time.

10. Notice at least a few things you feel grateful for every single day. This is one of those hokey, saccharine, syrupy, trite, sometimes tiresome bits of advice that is nonetheless incredibly powerful if you follow it. Life is not predictable and it certainly isn't fair--but the part we can control is how we feel about it.

So folks, please don't be shy with your words of wisdom--some of us could really use a few hints!

What Do You Mean You're Not Surprised?

Well crap. It looks like Crabby is schizophrenic. Or at least heading that way.

A study out of Yale School of Medicine just concluded that "a tendency to extract messages from meaningless noise could be an early sign of schizophrenia."

(Details? Sure, for those who are curious: Participants in the study were folks with early warning signs of psychosis. When they were asked to listen to a tape of virtually incomprehensible voices babbling, eighty percent of them who "heard" phrases of four or more words went on to develop schizophrenia or a related illness during the study period (unless they were on meds). For the others, the conversion rate was only six percent).

So does Crabby hear messages in meaningless noise? Well, um... yeah. She does.

It all started in New York, not that many years ago... (cue violins)

The Crab and Lobster were living in a very noisy apartment in the West Village, and wished to sleep at night. So Crabby went out and bought one of those Sharper Image Sound Soother machines. These machines are supposed to put out "white noise" (static), or other assorted "soothing" sounds, to cover up the other stuff you hear at night. You know: honking car horns, drunken revelers leaving the bars after last call, car alarms, unmuffled Harleys, sirens, occasional muggings, etc.

The first few nights were fine.

Then one night, Crabby noticed that the Lobster must have forgotten to turn off her clock radio, because there was a man with one of those radio-announcer type voices talking and talking away. She could only make out a few words here and there (and wishes now that she could remember what they were, so she can diagnose what kind of schizophrenia she's going to get). But while she couldn't make out entire sentences, she's pretty sure there were times she heard a few phrases. In any event, it was very clear to her that there was a man talking in the room.

But the Lobster reassured her--no, the radio was not on.

So Crabby turned off the Sound Soother. Suddenly: no man talking. Turned it back on: there was radio man, chatting away again.

Crabby became suspicious that the Sharper Image people were dabbling in subliminal messages. Perhaps they were recording them in the background of their Sleep Soother tapes and not telling anyone? (Crabby even googled to see if anyone else had noticed this phenomenon--but she came up empty. Not enough unmedicated schizophrenics on the web, apparently).

Unfortunately Crabby couldn't quite hear well enough to tell what the man was talking about. Were these friendly "now you're getting sleepier" type messages? Or were they sneakier suggestions, like: "wouldn't you really like a massage chair?" Or, "what if your nose hair needs trimming, do you have the proper tools? You must go visit Sharper Image right away."

Crabby, not being entirely stupid, tried hitting different buttons, looking for a "soothing sound" selection with no man's voice in it. There are 20 different choices offered, and sure enough, she found some without radio man!

But some of these had trumpets in the background. Or other instruments. Or children shouting to each other or weird sounds that were not supposed to be there.

And the rest were simply not tolerable. Many of the channels on the Sound Soother feature a most unusual definition of the word "soothing." Soothing, like...train whistles, or bullfrogs croaking or traffic noise or foghorn blasts or a symphony of crickets or thundering heartbeats or birds screeching. All that was missing was the "car alarm" option.

(Also, to whine further: the sound quality of the Sound Soother is pretty horrible and each channel is really just a repeated loop a few seconds long. Crabby didn't like this machine much even before it started talking to her).

In the following years, however, Crabby discovered she couldn't blame the Sound Soother people entirely for her unwelcome Voices and Trumpets and such. She started hearing patterns that turned into recognizable sounds in other white noise too--like fans or air conditioners or even ocean waves.

Even worse, Crabby has also inadvertently trained the Lobster to do the same thing. This comes from years of saying, in the middle of the night: "Hon? Do you hear that? Listen--don't you hear that sound that keeps repeating? Can't you hear that?"

So now the poor Lobster hears things in white noise too, although not exactly the same things the Crab hears. On the plus side, now when Crabby becomes officially schizophrenic, she'll have company when she goes to see the nice doctor to get her meds.

So, Crabby almost hates to ask--has anyone else ever had this problem? Or, rather than risk an awkward silence and a post having zero comments, Crabby will also ask: how do you folks deal with Noise at Night? or How you feel about Sharper Image Gadgets or Getting a Good Nights Sleep or Any Darn Thing at All?