Weekends: Whoops!

[By Crabby]

(Image courtesy of someecards.com)

So a new weight loss study came to this not-so-shocking conclusion: Dieters tend to eat a lot more over the weekends, often without even realizing it.

This was just one finding from a study with a bigger goal, to explore the anti-aging effects of calorie restriction. Does calorie restriction provide the amazing benefits for humans that it does for rats? Alas, we may never find out.

"Rats don't have weekends the way people do," complained one of the researchers.

Reading between the lines, it appears that the researchers are having a hard time studying the benefits of calorie restriction in humans, because unlike rats, you can't get humans to actually restrict their calories. They kept eating more over the weekends than they were supposed to.

Rats are easy--they have no access to refrigerators or vending machines or drive-through fast food joints. Unfortunately, pesky ethical guideline make studying humans much harder.

Please just bring me a burger...
(Photo by Justin McPhee)

And if you try to slice humans up when a weight loss study is done to see exactly what happened in their brains and organs? All kinds of fuss!

But while this makes studying the anti-aging aspects of calorie restriction harder, it does provide some "you're not alone" reassurance if you find that weekends are more of a struggle when it comes to eating healthier or trying to restrict your calories.

It's interesting, because theoretically, it could be just the opposite, right? You might think that with more free time and flexibility, people who would be more likely to plan, shop, cook and eat healthy meals.

But apparently that's not the way it works.

I'm of two minds about this: I think it's a shame when people sabotage their hard-won gains during the week without even realizing it--mindlessly making bad choices because "it's the weekend and I worked hard all week." (Those of you who find this sort of thinking sounds vaguely familiar may want to check out the entitlement post).

On the other hand, I'm not a big believer in "go on a diet temporarily" camp. I think any diet or lifestyle change needs to be sustainable for the rest of your freakin' life. Or else you're gonna end up right back where you started a few months after your "diet" is over.

So in my mind, there needs to be some wiggle room for treats and cheats and indulgence. For many people, weekends are a more natural time to get wiggly. But if you're going to take this approach, perhaps it might make sense to still stay conscious and accountable about weekend behavior?

This is of course much easier said than done. But if you find you're doing the black & white, all-or-nothing thing about weekends versus the rest of the week, it may be time to start writing stuff down again.

The researchers also stressed the benefits of advanced planning. "Packing healthy food if you're running errands, eating a little something so you aren't starving when you arrive at a party, even packing a light lunch before going to the kids' ballgames so that you have a choice other than junk food at a concession stand," were some of the suggestions.

Sounds very sensible.

Or, you could just pretend you're a rat and build yourself a big wire cage and lock yourself in!

So what do you folks find: is it harder to watch what you eat on the weekends, or during the week?

Fat is Not Fair

[by Crabby]


It is not a scientific secret that genetics play a role in weight gain and obesity.

People have different metabolisms. There are people who eat tons of food and never exercise, yet they are skinny. There are other people who eat healthy foods in reasonable portions, exercise for hours, and will still probably always be "overweight."

Yet because so much hard work and sacrifice is involved in weight loss, there is a tendency among people who are successful to act as though everyone gets the exact same deal. "I gave up my hot fudge sundaes and started running, and look at me! If you're still overweight, it's because you must be eating crap and sitting on your ass all day."

Well, some of you know from experience that it's just not true.

And sure, plenty of people are overweight because they eat way too much and exercise too little. But there are also plenty of others who get a raw deal in the genetic lottery--maybe growing up, you did the same stuff everyone around you was doing, but instead of getting heavy, you got obese. Or maybe you've struggled your whole life to keep from being obese, going to great lengths to be merely overweight. Or perhaps you've swung back and forth, losing and gaining, messing with your already unfriendly metabolism and through the best of intentions making things worse.

It's not fair.

What's It Like To Have the Deck Stacked Against You?

Are you one of those unlucky people? I'm not myself, but I believe that among readers of health and weight loss blogs, there are quite a few. People who are motivated enough to visit blogs and even start their own, and research all the right things to do and try and try and try... but still find the pounds fall off very, very slowly. And sometimes not at all.

I read what some of you folks are eating and what you're doing for exercise, and Holey Moley! It's a lot more demanding than what I have to do to maintain my weight. I would get so exhausted by the daily battle of "bad cookie/good carrot/how many steps on the pedometer today" that I think I'd want to pull my hair out.

I have a pretty "normal" metabolism. If I start eating like an average American and exercising like an average American, even for a few months, I gain weight. I would be overweight now if I hadn't woken up (twice) and reformed my ways when I started to get too self-indulgent. But, unlike some of you, if I eat 90% healthy, count calories for a while, and get a bunch of exercise, I can lose the weight again fairly easily and keep it off.

It makes me wonder what my attitudes would be like if I weren't so lucky. What if I were suddenly "blessed" with a hundred or so extra pounds and a stubborn metabolism? How would I handle it?

The Optimistic Scenario



Here's what I hope I would do:

1. Learn how to reject all the appearance-related garbage we're exposed to daily. I hope I'd learn to love my large thighs and unshedable belly fat even while being constantly told my every magazine, billboard, tv show and casual conversation that I should hate everything about myself.

2. Concentrate more on health goals--getting stronger, fueling my body with nutritious healthy food, building endurance, doing enough cardio to reduce my risk for heart disease and cancer and diabetes, etc. Define progress according to these goals, not a number on the scale.

3. Try to be grateful for all the other ways in which I was still lucky, by looking beyond my immediate situation. I hope I'd remind myself that I could be living in a poverty-stricken nation; I could be in the midst of a war; I could be maimed or disfigured or dying of a painful disease or the victim of any number of unjust fates.

4. Surround myself with supportive, non-judgmental, healthy friends who would understand me and encourage my efforts to be strong and healthy and happy.

5. Seek balance in life and see myself as a whole person with many talents and goals, and not just as number on a scale or a clothing size.

But honestly? I am not a particularly evolved, mature, self-confident person.

The Darker Scenario:




Here is how I fear I might deal with the situation instead:

1. Learn to hate my body, and by extension, myself.

2. Get so focused on calories and portion sizes and "good" and "bad" foods that I'd no longer be able to enjoy eating as a simple pleasurable activity. And with food and exercise so emotionally charged, I fear I'd veer between frantic determination to lose weight versus giving up entirely and bingeing.

3. Become more self-absorbed (if possible) and depressed.

4. Withdraw from social situations out of fear of rejection.

5. Start judging my sense of self worth by how my clothes fit rather than who I was as a person.

Yikes, what a downer, I should have gone in the other order!

So does anyone with a "good" metabolism wonder how they'd fare if they weren't so lucky? Or does anyone who's unlucky have any stories from the trenches or advice for those struggling against unfair odds?

Secret to Success Revealed!

[By Crabby]

[Photo credit: Plan 59]

Here at Cranky Fitness, we're all about revealing those Secret Sneaky Tricks that successful folks use to achieve their goals. True, after a big fat buildup, these "secrets" and "tricks" always turn out to be the same old boring stuff you've heard a thousand times before--but by the time you realize that, you're already halfway down the page!

(And lets face it: it's harder to get people to read blog posts called "Yep, It's That Same Old Self-Help Crap You Know Already.")

So what's today's Magical Solution to your health and fitness and life struggles?

(Is it a pill? Please? A nice cheap pill I can order online?)

Sorry, no.

It's just this simple advice:

Think About The Consequences of Your Actions and Make Conscious Choices About What You Do.

Isn't that a great idea? Can you imagine how much more successful you'd be if you did that?

Gosh, thanks Crabby. I'll keep that in mind.

Yeah, it is kinda obvious. Even if few people actually do it. Perhaps we need a catchier name?

How else can we turn the obvious into a series of self-help books and lucrative seminars? (Hmm, seminars--in Hawaii, say? Or the Caribbean...? Right on the ocean, with a four-star restaurant and a luxury spa and snorkeling and stuff? )



Sorry, what was I saying?

A catchier name, right!

So our new Miracle Fitness Solution? Let's call it:

ChooseCarefully!©

(Uh oh, maybe we didn't choose too carefully ourselves. Apparently someone has already copyrighted this name. But it's just some "legal services" company. Screw them. What are they going to do, sue us?)

So why do you need to ChooseCarefully?©

Because most dumb decisions happen when we pretend we aren't actually "making" decisions at all. We just do stuff or we don't do stuff--and then we pretend that if we don't think about consequences, there are none.

People who are successful at losing weight or writing books or climbing the corporate ladder or running marathons? They recognize that the decisions they make everyday are important, so they make them consciously.

So how to stop floating around and start deciding? Here are some tips to on how to ChooseCarefully©:

1. Create Opportunities To Make the Right Decision

This is a hard habit to learn, but is worth training yourself to do it. Buy yourself time before giving in to temptation.

Get in the habit of waiting, even if it's only a minute or two, between a tentative impulse to give in, and actually doing something there's a good chance you'll regret.

So if a simple "no I don't need that brownie," isn't working, then tell yourself: "Well, maybe I do need it, but not yet. First I'll go get a drink of water, and then check my email, and then maybe stretch my hamstrings, and then I'll decide if I really want it I can have it. At least some of the time, you may actually change your mind and talk yourself back out of it.

Note: If it's a Big Decision, like whether to have plastic surgery, or buy an expensive sports car, or marry some guy who's really sweet, deep down, just misunderstood so he acts crazy sometimes, then you may need to buy yourself more than a few minutes.

Mom, I swear You'll Learn to Like Him!

2. Visualize Consequences.

This another obvious but effective trick when you remember to do it. Tempted to skip your workout? Don't just ask yourself "do I want to go to the gym now?" Because of course the answer is "hell no!"

Instead, ask: do I want to try to fit in an extra workout later in the week? Will I feel like it more then? How do I feel after a few missed workouts? Do I really want to lose momentum and feel guilty and like crap? How virtuous will I feel afterwards if I just suck it up and exercise?

When considering a big-ass bowl of super-premium ice cream, do you ask whether it's worth an extra five to ten miles on the treadmill in addition to what you normally do? If you eat it, will you feel satisfied or will you still want another bowl of ice cream when the first bowl is gone?

Successful people ask themselves questions like this all the time. (They don't always get the answer right, because imperfection is inevitable and even necessary. The trick is to never stop asking).

3. Little Decisions Add Up

Merry had a great post about this, but it bears repeating.

Suppose you have a very cherished but challenging goal, like saving money for a house. You may realize, theoretically, that it's going to take a lot of effort, but do you make all the small decisions you need to in order to get there?

Because you'll never get there if you forget the house whenever you're faced with an amazing expensive pair of shoes or an evening at a Chi-Chi bar where cocktails are $15.

Too many people won't acknowledge that life is about Trade-Offs. You don't get to have everything. Pretending this isn't true can mean losing your house or your education or your financial security to a steady supply of designer clothes and Starbucks Frappucinos.

4. Not to Decide is to Decide

If you often think wistfully, "I'd love to take a karate class someday" or "I bet I'd be good at selling real estate" or "I'm lonely and could use more friends and there's this knitting class that meets on Thursdays" but instead of doing anything you sit and watch television every night instead?

Well, guess what: you are deciding that you'd rather watch tv than learn karate or get a real estate license or have friends.

These sort of decisions don't feel like decisions, though--partly because if we really put any thought into it, we'd never make them. Would we really squander our precious time on earth doing things like checking our blog stats every ten minutes or watching four consecutive hours of Law and Order reruns?

(And Jen at Semicharmed Wife had a great example of making this process conscious in her blog. "I know I said I’d work on my short story today," she wrote, "but I feel like I deserve to read gossip blogs for an hour instead of working on my life’s dream.")

5. Still Making Dumb Decisions? Shrink Yourself!

No, not physically. Psychologically. Better yet, if you can afford an actual shrink, go see one. They get paid to do this because some of them are actually good at it.

Because if you're making a lot of bad decisions, maybe it's not just a question of willpower. You may have one conscious agenda ("to eat healthier and get in shape!") and a whole different unconscious one ("to never, ever feel deprived," "to distract myself from my feelings," "to stay invisible" or whatever).

Here's where it's helpful to look at patterns. In what situations do your actions typically contradict your intentions? Do you always overeat after a visit with your mother? Do you overspend when you're angry? You may be telling yourself all kinds of silly things to encourage these self-defeating behaviors, and it's helpful to learn how to tune into these conversations. Once you can hear what you're telling yourself, you can start questioning some of the idiotic things you carry around in your head-- so you can ChooseCarefully© instead!

So this is just the first five of a list that's probably at least 100 items long. But, well, this post has run long enough and Cranky Fitness isn't going anywhere. We can talk about the other 95 later on... perhaps someday at a sunny self-help seminar at a fancy resort!

Plus, many of you Smart Readers have much better suggestions about how to make conscious choices about important things rather than flailing around. So if you do, please share!

Pasta Queen & the Magical Secret to Weight Loss

[by Merry and Crabby]

Pasta Queen
PastaQueen, a.k.a. Jennette Fulda, created the blog Half of Me to track her goal of losing half her body weight. If you get a chance, check out her progress pictures; they're fun to twirl. Watch as she shrinks down to half her starting weight!

Now she’s written a memoir of her experiences in gaining and then losing almost 200 pounds. Since Crabby and I both love her blog, we were delighted to interview her and review the book.

I don’t know if it’s coincidence or what, but the last two people who’ve been interviewed on Cranky Fitness have then gone on to be interviewed on the Today show (Jennette and Leslie from The Weighting Game). It’s shameless the way those network television shows imitate us. Check out Jennette this Sunday, May 11, on the Today show. (Local times may vary.)


Okay, on to the interview!

Cranky Fitness: Pasta Queen, welcome to Cranky Fitness! What made you decide to write a book about the process of losing half your body weight?

Pasta Queen: Ever since Jennifer D. won the Young Author's contest in 5th grade over me, I vowed to avenge my unjust loss by writing a book one day. No, actually, I'd been writing a blog about my weight loss for several years and an editor expressed some interest in it. I put together a book proposal and was offered a contract.

Cranky Fitness: I bet Jennifer D. is feeling pretty silly right about now. Anyway, Crabby and I struggle to keep up one little blog. How did you manage to hold down a full-time job, exercise regularly, eat those damn green leafy things, keep up a popular and entertaining blog, and write a book at the same time?

Pasta Queen: I have a cloning chamber in my basement. I created a duplicate copy of myself to send to work while I wrote my book. No, that's a lie. I don't have a basement. In all honestly, I don't know how I did it. I didn't have much of a social life for several months there, that's for sure.

Cranky Fitness: Over the years that you've been writing this blog, you've gotten into running in a big way. Do you feel that running helped you lose weight or was it more the emphasis on eating those green leafy things?

Pasta Queen: It's been both. I know you can lose weight just through diet or just through exercise, but it helps to do both. I feel better when I'm eating healthy and exercising, though sometimes it's hard to remind myself of that fact when I'm staring at a head of cauliflower in my fridge sitting next to a much tastier looking pudding cup.

Cranky Fitness: Any future writing plans? Or future running plans? (Besides plans to run from silly blog interviews in the future).

Pasta Queen: I'll keep writing the blog as long as I have something to say. Looking at all the notes I've got for possible entries, that will be a long, long time. I've been trying to decide what writing avenues I want to pursue next, but now that I've lost so much weight, I feel like anything's possible. As for running, I'm going to keep up with that too, but no more half-marathons in my near future. I miss going to my TurboKick classes!

Cranky Fitness: Writing a blog can feel like exposing your innermost thoughts while at the same time remaining hidden behind a firewall of anonymity. How is it different from writing a memoir? More intrusive? Less?

Pasta Queen: In both cases, like a stripper, I get to decide how much I want to show. As an example, I have a somewhat strained relationship with my father which I've barely ever talked about on the blog, but I mention somewhat in the book. I wasn't sure how much to say about it, but I ultimately decided just to include the parts that related to weight loss. I also delve more into my childhood and my earlier fat years in the book, whereas my blog focuses mainly on the present. I did feel like there would an unspoken expectation to explain why I'd gotten so fat to begin with, which is something I've never really gotten into on the blog. So I did feel like I needed to reveal more in the book, but I've posted vulnerable thoughts on my blog as well.

Cranky Fitness: Does Half-assed utilize irony, subtext, metaphors, metonymy, or those other fancy literary devices that high-falutin' writers are supposed to employ?

Pasta Queen: I'm happy just to put together a comprehensible sentence that makes you giggle. If I happen to use metonymy while I'm at it, it's purely by accident.

Cranky Fitness: What's the most important piece of advice you'd give someone just starting off on a weight loss journey?

Pasta Queen: You don't have to start making the best choices, just better choices. Take your time. You didn't gain the weight all in a day and you're not going to lose it all in a day either. If you make small changes, they'll eventually add up to larger changes. When I first got on the treadmill, I could only walk 4/10 of a mile before I was exhausted. But I kept with it and last weekend I completed a half-marathon.

Cranky Fitness: On a blog, you get to write pretty much what you want and control what you "publish". But in the book world, there's reputedly an editing process. What was that like? Anything surprise you about it?

Pasta Queen: Having an editor helped expose my blind spots. After I'd submitted a rough draft, my editor would ask questions like, "Why didn't you talk about this?" or "Can you tell me more about what was happening here?" It forced me to look more carefully at parts of my life that I hadn't even realized I'd overlooked. I had a great relationship with my editor. She understood that the work was my baby, and I understood that any suggestions she made were out of the best interests of the book. She suggested I cut out parts where I took a joke way too far and she pulled out unnecessary passages to make the book as a whole much tighter and better. The book is much better because of my editor's invisible hand.

Cranky Fitness: Unlike you, many people who lose a lot of weight seem to gain it all back again. Are there special challenges and strategies that are different when it comes to maintaining weight loss as opposed to losing weight in the first place?

Pasta Queen: It's certainly less thrilling. When I was losing weight I got to step on the scale every week and say, "Down another pound. Woo-hoo!" Now I step on the scale every week and say, "I weigh exactly the same. Woo-hoo?" And then there are weeks when I actually gain back a pound and have to lose it again, which seems like an awful type of do-over. The biggest challenge is to keep it interesting and to stay focused. I try to spice things up by trying new exercise classes and cooking new recipes. If I get bored or lazy, I know I'll gain the weight back again.

Cranky Fitness: What does it feel like to have a book you wrote published and out there on the shelves?

Pasta Queen: It's surreal. I've been anticipating this moment for over a year since I signed my contract, so it's odd to think it's finally happening. My mom is thrilled! She went to Barnes and Noble and put my book face out on the bookshelves.

Cranky Fitness: Congrats on the book coming out, and thanks for letting us be on the "tour!"


**************************************

[by Merry]

The Magical Secret to Weight Loss

Imagine that you have just bought Half-assed: a weight-loss memoir and found within its pages a magical secret that will whisk away all your excess poundage and leave you svelte, scintillating, and successful. All women will envy you. All men will desire you. You will ride off into the sunset in your new convertible.

Yeah, it sounded good to me too.

I think that's what some people expect from Jennette Fulda, a.k.a. Pasta Queen. The woman lost almost 200 pounds, half her body weight, and everyone wants to know The Secret. Was it surgery? Willpower? A marvelous new diet? Little blue happy pills?

It is greatly to her credit that Jennette does not mention in the book the name of the particular diet she followed. The emphasis is not on one diet over another. She didn’t use weight-loss surgery or diet pills. Neither does she put much credence in losing weight through willpower. Willpower came in handy for short bursts in the grocery store, accelerating quickly past the cookies while heading toward the fruit and vegetables, but willpower didn't make the pounds melt away. What worked was creating healthy habits, retraining herself to eat healthily and exercise.


Does that sound boring? It shouldn't. What surprised me when I read this memoir was how much humor there was in her story. I kept reading along, mentally comparing notes, yep, did that, did that too, oh wait, I never thought of that .... Occasionally I laughed out loud. Jennette writes of her daily struggles with a nice mixture of common sense and a sense of humor.

A few excerpts that I liked:
• She drove to McDonald's and deliberately stuffed herself with one last junk food meal before she went on her first vegetable shopping trip because "you shouldn't shop on an empty stomach."
• When participating on Fat Acceptance websites, she found herself banned from commenting because she didn't want to stay being overweight. She wrote "Acceptance is defined as 'recognize as true.' As in, recognize diabetes, sleep apnea, other problems are exacerbated or directly caused by obesity.... Acceptance does not equal complacency."
• About planning meals, she wrote "I never planned what I was going to eat until I was hungry, which was like waiting until I was drunk to start driving."

One reviewer whom I read (can't remember now which one) was astonished when Jennette’s mother praised her daughter for actually cooking a complete healthy meal. To me, that’s a point worth mentioning. I think that's the problem with a lot of people who are overweight. We never learned how to cook, never gave the time to make a healthy meal. It is so much easier to pick up a happy meal on your way home from work. You’re tired, the kids are hungry, and dog needs to be walked, that kind of thing. In this generation, a lot of people have grown up buying prepared or packaged food rather than cooking.

I think if you get into the habit of cooking and eating healthy food, pretty soon you’ll find that cooking doesn't seem to take as much time as it did when you started. But if you've never started, it seems an insuperable obstacle. I can't cook; I don't know how. It never comes out right, and it takes forever.

Times have changed. When my grandmother cooked the Thanksgiving turkey, she brought home a bird from the farm, wrung its neck, and started plucking feathers. Me, I pick up Lean Cuisine turkey meal and put it in the microwave. Jennette worked to find a reasonable middle ground between these two extremes, finding shortcuts that enabled her to eat healthy food without feeling deprived, and throwing in some exercise as well.

Don't read this book if you're looking for a fairy tale. Read this book if you want help to psyche yourself into doing what it takes to lose weight. To read her memoir is to follow along on her weight-loss journey: seeing first hand what worked and what didn't. No magical secret. One woman's story.

Random...Thursday?

[By Crabby]


Random Friday on a Thursday??? What's the Deal?

Sure, it's traditional at Cranky Fitness that Randomness take place on a Friday. But we have Special Plans for tomorrow's post--so what the heck, let's mix things up a bit! What's the worst that could happen?

Outbreaks of silliness, boredom, pointlessness, spontaneous napping...

But no harm done, that stuff happens all the time here anyway! So lets be brave and forge ahead anyway, shall we?


WTF Department: Three Quarters of Women Report Disordered Eating?

You've probably all seen this by now, but a recent survey of more than 4,000 women by University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Self Magazine revealed some interesting attitudes towards eating and weight:

• Almost a third of women reported that they'd induced vomiting, or taken laxatives, diuretics, or diet pills at some point in their lives to lose weight;
• Two thirds of the women surveyed (not including those with actual eating disorders) are trying to lose weight;
• Over half of those dieting were already at a healthy weight;
• About 40 percent said concerns about what they eat or weigh interfered with their happiness;
• Almost 40 percent regularly skipped meals to try to lose weight;
  
• Sixteen percent had dieted on 1,000 or fewer calories a day;
• And thirteen percent had smoked to lose weight.

Note: this survey is, of course, depressing. And it's true that women are far too obsessed about their weight. However, can you really take an online survey of Self magazine readers and conclude that their answers represent the views of all women?

Nothing against the magazine, which runs many fine articles, but it's called Self for cryin' out loud. Could it possibly attract, on average, women who are a little more concerned with, well, themselves?

Wait, this just in...

Ninety Eight percent of Men Spend All Day Long Thinking About Women with Humongous Breasts! ... According to a recent online survey by readers of Juggs Magazine...

(And yes, Juggs is a real magazine, though we doubt they bothered to do a reader survey).


A Little Perspective:

Even Cranky Crabs have to stop whining every now and then long enough to appreciate how incredibly fortunate they are. So sometimes it helps to get a glimpse of how horribly complicated and challenging life could be if you weren't born so lucky.

Via Healthbolt is this rather incredible slide show of a baby born with two faces. Apparently this little girl, born in India, can drink from both mouths and blink all four eyes. Local villagers believe she may be the reincarnation of the Hindu goddess Durga.

I will stop complaining about my sore muscles and crunchy knees now, at least for the next few minutes.

Now This Won't Hurt a Bit:

Here's an odd little news item from Marijke's fine blog: According to the Center for Disease Control, more kids and teens than ever are fainting after receiving vaccinations.

(Later, when the insurance bills come due, it's their parent's turn).

Apparently more adolescents are getting shots now (to prevent meningitis and cervical cancer), and teenage girls are particularly prone to fainting.



So We're Done With Health Now, Let's Bring on the Rest of the Randomness!

We be Zoomin':

Check this out if you like cool weird collaborative art. Zoom in or out and the picture seems to just keep on going and going. (Dial-up warning: the program is slow to load even on broadband.)

This Blog Needs More Smut!

Photo by JaHoVil

Yes, even after yesterday's special episode of Skanky Fitness, we're still pushing porn. We know some of you just can't get enough! This time, be sure not to miss these hot, sexy, luscious photos of...

Libraries!

(They really are pretty cool).

And Just When You Thought You Were Safe...

Remember those cute Lolcats? And how it was possible to spend hours checking out "just one more" funny kitteh? Well...

Via MJ ... if you finally wrested control of your computer back and started to get some work done, we must alert you to a possible new threat to productivity coming your way:

Yep, plenty more where that came from at I Has a Hot Dog. You've been warned.

Have a great Thursday, and be sure to come back tomorrow for a Special Post!

Why Can't You Stick to Your Plan?

The Enemy is Sneakier Than You Think
(Photo courtesy of Plan 59)

[By Crabby]

This is another one of those posts in which Crabby offers unsolicited advice and reminds you about things you already know. Warning: Prolonged exposure could cause drowsiness, irritability or upset stomach.)


It Happens to Everyone

If you've set a major goal for yourself--like trying to eat healthier, lose weight, get out of debt, run a marathon, organize your life, finish your novel or whatever--you will likely have some rules or plans or at least hopes to guide your behavior.

Some days, you will be full of determination and you will do all the right things.

Other days, you will ignore your rules and do whatever the hell you feel like doing. This will make you feel like crap.

In previous advice posts, we discussed how screwing up is a necessary part of the self-improvement process; how to stay accountable, and how to re-motivate when you're stuck.

But this post is more about exploring why you screwed up in the first place, and how to keep it from happening so often.


Meet Your Enemy: Entitlement.

There are lots of other enemies to staying on track--like stress, fatigue, depression, crazy schedules, and even a low sense of self-efficacy.

We can talk about those later. Today we take on Entitlement, because it's at the root of so many screw-ups and it's so sneaky.

Quick example of entitlement in action:

You've been eating really healthy all week and you've decided you get to have a piece of cake at a birthday lunch. But by the time dessert is served, you're totally full. Plus the cake is a kind you don't even really like.

So you eat a monstrously big piece anyway, and don't even enjoy it.

Q: Why the hell did you do something so dumb?
A: Because you had already decided "I get a piece of cake today," and you felt entitled to eat it.


Entitlement Has its Place:

Let's say your neighbor borrows your car one afternoon but instead of returning it, he parks it in his own driveway with no apparent intent to return it. Do you say, "whatever," and go out and buy a new car? Or do you go over and take it back because it's your f*cking car?

My guess is we come equipped with a sense of entitlement for a reason. We need it, sometimes. But it's one of those archaic emotions (like jealousy or anger) that doesn't necessarily align with reality. A sense of entitlement is often self-serving, illogical, and just plain wrong.

(In a larger context, I believe our exaggerated sense of self-entitlement is a huge problem in the world. We shall, however, leave that discussion for another time.)


How Do You Confront Your Entitlement When it's Being Stupid?

It depends on the specific reason you're feeling entitled. For example:


1. Everyone Else Gets to Do It

This one is really easy to indulge in. We look around us to see what's "normal." Why should you have to go to the gym and eat cauliflower soup when everyone else is watching tv and eating McDonalds? Your neighbors maxed out their credit cards to buy a huge expensive high-def TV, why shouldn't you get to have one too?

If you can recognize what's going on, the best way to fight this is to recognize that the "normal" world is populated by space aliens. Those around you are an entirely different, substandard, sedentary species with strange eating and spending habits and short life spans. You don't "get" to do what they do anymore than you "get" to drink water out of the toilet or poop on the sidewalk just because your dog does.

Instead, start to normalize and identify with those who, like you, have sensible goals. Go to their blogs or read their books or find actual like-minded humans to hang out with. The more you expose yourself to them, the less you will feel that the habits of space aliens are relevant to your life.


2. I Used to Be Able to Do That

Losing something is much harder than never having had it in the first place. Whether it was the discretionary bonus your company used to pay every Christmas or the secret parking spot only you knew about--once you got used to having it, it felt like yours.

And if you always used to eat a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's or sleep in until 11 on Sunday mornings, there may be a part of you that feels that you should always be entitled to do those things, no matter what your actual plans and rules are.

How to fight this?

First remind yourself that you are now a different and superior human being. You are giving up the "right" to indulge yourself for all kinds of great new benefits. And then just suck it up and change your habits for a while.

The good news: after a few months it will be much easier. The sense of entitlement around your old lifestyle will start to fade. The "old you" will become more like the space aliens above, and will be easier to ignore. You may still miss the old ways sometimes, but you don't still feel entitled to Trick or Treat on Halloween anymore, do you?


3. I work so hard!

Yes, of course you do! You're putting in long hours at the office and getting your exercise and making time for your spouse and raising wonderful kids and so that pint of Ben and Jerry's calling to you from the freezer? Aren't you entitled to it?

Well, sure, every now and then. Some days something's got to give.

But if you're consistently impressing your boss but eating like crap, or eating all clean food but spending yourself into lifelong debt, or running that marathon but neglecting your family--you're going to run into trouble.

Unfortunately, sacrifice in one area of your life won't translate to progress in another.

You can't transfer your "entitlement" credit from one area where you excel--say your job-- and use it in another area where you suck--say your health.

How to deal with the "I work so hard" sense of entitlement? You have to Re-Prioritize.

That means stop earning all this "extra credit" where you're already doing enough. Stop responding to fake emergencies; learn to say "no" to stuff you don't have time for; stop caring so much what other people think and start figuring out what's important to you. Then you might not feel so martyred and entitled in areas of your life that you actually need to buckle down and pay attention to.

(Note: All this is way easier said than done, as we've discussed before).


4. Because I Earned It

Remember the cake example above? Sometimes you feel entitled because, by your own rules, you have actually have "earned" a treat or a break or a reward.

And if you really want the treat or the break or whatever, go for it! Rewards can be really helpful in maintaining long term efforts.

But what if you don't even really want your treat now, and are only cashing in because its yours and you earned it?

The trick here is to realize you're being a big baby. You're letting "Mommy" (your Rules) dispense treats when you are Mature and Sensible enough to do it on your own. Tell yourself that you "owe yourself one," which you will enjoy MUCH more if you wait. You don't need Mommy to tell you what to do. Except later, when you want ice cream and Mommy is telling you to eat your vegetables. Then you gotta listen to her again.

Is it just me, or does anyone else struggle with entitlement? Any good advice?

It's the little things you have to watch out for

[By Merry, on behalf of the Committee to Pay Attention to the Little Things]

It's the little things that get you.

[No, not those kinds of little things...]

I have trouble with the Little Things in Life because they’re so damn trivial. My first thought is, ‘who cares?’ I end up falling into the ‘just this once’ trap.

Just this once I’ll

• eat that piece of cheesecake
• take the elevator, not the stairs
• leave the bicycle behind and take the evil SUV to work

All of these are relatively venial offenses taken singularly, but I do one after another until the next thing I know I’m taking the train to Slothville and the jeans don’t feel quite as comfortable as they did before.

[Should I? Oh, why not...]

Well, here's a good reason not to:

[Thanks to Melting Mama for this photo!]

So, just this once, today I promise that I will:

• bring food from home
• take the stairs
• oh, all right yes I am taking the evil SUV to work, but that’s only because I refuse to try to haul a 40-pound bag of dog food home on my bicycle. Tomorrow. Honest.

Little things matter.

What, you don’t believe me? True story:

The other week, the fine state of Oregon sent out a Voters' Pamphlet to everyone they could find who had a mailbox. Ordinarily this is a good thing, I mean, you probably should read up on all the issues before you shred the pamphlet for your compost heap. (Presuming it's printed with soy-based ink instead of nasty chemical ink.)

They even included a toll-free phone number to call in case you had questions. There was only one problem. Instead of a number with an 866 prefix, the pamphlet posted the identical number with an 800 prefix. If you dialed that, you heard a sultry-voiced woman saying "hey there, big boy! Want to meet @#$! young women*? Then call this number..."

Trust me. Watch out for the little things.

What little things trip you up?

________________________________________

*This anecdote was reported on the local news the other day, and they bleeped out the @#$! word. I hate to confess it, but I can't think what word it was that they bleeped. All the likely adjectives I can think of seem permissible on television these days. Indeed, pretty much any adjective seems permissible on television nowadays. I’m not bothered enough to actually call the message to find out; it just makes me feel uncool not to immediately know things like that. I must be getting old.

What word do you think they used, anyway?

Random Friday: Lose weight, make $, and have your husband do the housework

[By Merry]

[Warning: Introductory paragraph contains potentially harmful levels of frivolous levity as well as trace elements such as irony. If you have been advised by your doctor or other health professional to take life seriously at all costs, avoid the first paragraph. You might want to only lightly skim the whole post for that matter.]

I asked Crabby if she wanted to stop undergoing de-box (a necessary part of re-Crab) long enough to do a Random Friday post, and her response... well, let's just say it was something like this:



So I figured I'd throw out a collection of oddities and leave her to unpack in peace. Much safer that way.


Protect your brain... or give it a workout and burn calories?

In the Good News department, drinking coffee protects your brain. I'll drink to that. They recommend you drink a cup of coffee a day. Well, if I must. No word yet on the health benefits of drinking frappacinos.

Did you know that hitting your head against the wall burns 150 calories an hour? Yeah, I didn't know that either. Sounds like it might be true, but I kinda hope that they didn't test that one too strenuously.


With this ring, I do solemnly swear... no more sweeping?

Today's husband creates an extra 7 hours of housework each week? Really? Women spend an average of one hour a day (see, I can too do that math stuff) cleaning up after their man? I'm trying to figure out how the husbands manage to create that much extra work each day. It must be that the men simply stop doing any housework once they marry. Huh. Now there's an argument for getting a sex change.


Pop quiz! How good is your memory?

Of course, you all took the video test at the end of that Random Friday post a couple weeks ago, right?
Ahem, I said, Right?
Anyway, in case you've forgotten it was a test about your powers of observation. Last I checked, everyone who took the test had the same result the first time around, and several of us bombed the second time as well. Or was it a failure? This link explains the condition of change blindness, where you 'see, but do not observe.' I liked this explanation, since it made me feel that I wasn't unobservant, I was merely a normally evolved human. Nice to be normal some times, y'know?

Lose weight, make more money, have a successful life

Apparently the skills needed to lose weight and keep it off are also the skills you need to make more money and be successful in your work: motivation and discipline.

A researcher from the University of Chicago claims that "after controlling for cognitive ability, general equivalency diploma (GED) recipients earn less than other high school dropouts." According to the study, people who took the GED to get out of high school didn't have the drive to succeed that other people who dropped out did.

Does that make sense? I knew highly intelligent people who took the GED to get out of high school early, and they certainly didn't make what's usually considered a success of their lives. On the other hand, I wonder if they wanted to. People who take an unconventional path aren't always unhappy with their choices.

Internet Weirdness

The Internet is a weird place. I mean, why have a website devoted to passing a little red ball from one person to another? Am I missing something here? I know it looks like an iPod advert, but what is the point? Is it supposed to be teaching me mouse-eye coordination or something? (Am I being especially foolish to expect that there be a point?)

And I'm all for stopping people from smoking, but an e-cigarette? This battery-powered device lets you "inhale nicotine without the tobacco smoke and tar" and other "nasty stuff."

I'm glad that people can smoke this thing indoors and get their nicotine fix without annoying the people around them -- but when did nicotine become something that wasn't "nasty"? I wonder who sponsored that research.



I don't know if the following video counts as porn for women or not. Strikes me as more silly than salacious, but I thought it was only fair to include it to refute the claim that men don't like to do housework. (They just apparently want to do housework in ways that are new and damn strange innovative.)

I mean, if men are so leery about doing housework, how do you explain the popularity of extreme ironing... underwater?



Have a great weekend!

Random Friday: teenagers, sleep, and sex with stopwatches

[By Merry, by gosh]

Here's another candidate for the Didn't we just see a study about that? category:
Eating breakfast helps teens lose weight. Old news, you say? Well, yes, but it's apparently not sinking in. Surely, the best way to make sure you do not eat any breakfast is to eat a high-fat meal late at night.

That's why I'm irked with Taco Bell for promoting this Fourth Meal concept. You've probably never darkened the halls of this fast-food joint, but they're pushing the idea of adding another meal between dinner and breakfast. Trust me, bean sprouts are not on the menu. Granted, teenagers often make stupid food choices (unless they've changed radically in the last 20 years), but you want them to eat breakfast!

Oh all right, I'll stop. The world isn't perfect, and I'll have to accept that. I do wish there were a Complaints' department for all the things in the world that irk me. (Mind you, it would have to be a pretty big Complaints' department.)

On the other hand, this has been a great week for high-class posts on this blog.
Thanks to Charlotte, you're prepared to deal with any pregnant women (including yourself, if applicable) with appreciation for their size -- they have a reason to gain a few extra pounds. And frankly, it's nice not to be judged in any case. Unless you're in a beauty pageant, like this size 16 teenager. (I like the idea of everyone being in good shape, but I like the idea of people not being sneered at even more.)

Note: This doesn't apply to Fast Food corporations. Please be judgmental about them.

As luck would have it, a lot of this week's guest blogs would come in handy if you want to overcome the Fast Food Corporations and their evil machinations. (Hey, if you can't be profound, use big words.)

• You can bet that Ashley didn't make a habit of late-night runs to the nearest greasy spoon when she lost 60 pounds.
• And Jen gave some good tips on how to kick ass -- or at least improve the one you're sitting on. (And I'm especially glad that she put up with all the 'bottom' puns, even though they must have seemed 'end'less. Okay, okay. I'm finished. Honest.)
• If you take Lisa's advice about planning your shopping trips, then you won't need to go for a late-night fast food run in the first place.
• And if you take Monica's advice and make exercise part of your daily life, you'd be too pleasantly tired in the evening to want to drive around looking for fast food.

Another study that sounds strangely familiar: sleeping is the key to weight loss. Less than 7 or more than 9 hours a night, you're apt to put on the pounds. I love how specific they are. They even specify the different hours of sleep recommended for people of different ages.

If you happen to have a teenager in your vicinity, and they get cranky in the evening hours, perhaps they don't need more late-night meals. Another study claimed that surly teenagers need 9 hours and 12 minutes of sleep at night. (I especially love that "and 12 minutes" part. What happens if they only get 9 hours and 4 minutes sleep? Are they only going to be mildly cranky?)



Then again, those crazy scientists time everything. A new study out claims that the "optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes." (No, not counting foreplay.) What amused me about this study was that the scientists, who studied heterosexual couples, equipped all the women with stopwatches. Geez, no pressure there. And is nothing private any more? Next thing you know, they'll be timing how long people spend reading blogs at work!

Have a great weekend everyone! By next week, I hope to hear some news from our travelin' crab.

Losing 60 Pounds--from Theory to Practice

This guest post is written by Ashley, who's a grad student in theoretical chemistry. About two years ago she got in shape, lost 60 pounds, and "gained a reputation at school for being a weird workout health freak type." She's noticed that while everyone says you need to change your lifestyle to lose weight permanently, it can be hard to learn the specifics of how to do this! When a fellow grad student emailed to ask her advice, this was her response.

1. Be flexible. This is actually contrary to pretty much any other advice I've ever heard about working out regularly. Most people who fit in working out to a really busy schedule will tell you that you should schedule four or five absolutely set-in-stone times to work out and not let anything change that schedule. This somehow always seems to involve getting up really early too. I think this is stupid. Every single week I evaluate my schedule and what I want to do each day at work and after work and figure out which days I can work out. And yes, sometimes I'm like, well, I need to be at work for this meeting at this time and I want to work on this and then I want to go to Bible study at 6:00, so.... oh crap, I'm going to have to get up and run first thing in the morning.

2. Change your eating schedule so you can handle eating dinner later so that you can go work out after work. The single most common time I go work out is after work, at 6:30 or 7:00. However, this means I don't get home to eat dinner until 8:30 or 9:00. So, you have readjust when you eat and how much you eat to accommodate this. I eat breakfast (which is always a power bar and a diet coke; I am by no means a nutrition nazi) when I get to work at 9:30 or 10:00, lunch at 12 or 12:30, and then I eat one or two pieces of fruit, maybe another power bar, and (most importantly) a carton of yogurt during the afternoon. I eat all this stuff by 4:30 so it has time to settle in my stomach. And sometimes I don't eat all that healthy sounding stuff and I go to Starbucks and get a latte and a giant rice krispy treat. But the point is that I eat a pretty big snack in the afternoon that always includes carbs and dairy so that I can workout at night without dying of starvation.

3. Make slightly better choices when you go out to eat. Anytime I go out to eat and I am contemplating what I want to get, if there are two things that I want equally, I pick the one that's healthier. If there's one thing that I really want and nothing else will do, I just get it. Also, I love dessert and eat it most every day, so I make myself wait to order it. I never buy the cookie when I am getting the rest of my food. I get my food, eat it, and then if I am finished and I want the dessert enough that I am willing to get up again and wait in line to buy it, I get the dessert. Also, I have a rule that when I go out to eat on social occasions, in addition to my food, I can only get two of an appetizer, an alcoholic drink, and dessert; never more than two of the three. Which brings us to our next point.....

4. Drink less alcohol. This is the one where I am going to sound like the old woman that I am, but I never have more than two alcoholic drinks at any social occasion where I have decided to drink. I usually get the first drink when everybody else does and then I nurse a second drink for the rest of the evening. And yes, I often get made fun of about this. There are worse things in life.

5. Plan to do athletic activities. I run a lot of local races, often with other people, so that I will have motivation to go run a lot. Once you commit to doing something with somebody and pay the money for it, you don't want to not be able to do it because you didn't train for it.

6. If there is anything you can do to make working out logistically easier, it's worth doing, even if it costs some money. In my case, this meant renting a locker at the gym. I can keep extra clothes and shower stuff and extra makeup and hair stuff in the locker at all times. That way, I never have the excuse that I can't go work out after work because I have some social thing I want to do later and would need a shower.

7. Work out both days on the weekend. I feel that my adviser owns most of my time Monday to Friday, but I personally don't work that much on weekends. I have a fantasy that eventually my boyfriend/husband and I are going to regularly go run together every Sunday afternoon, but as I have no boyfriend, this clearly hasn't happened yet in my life. But I'm hopeful!

Random Friday: short and stolen

[By Merry]

Well, the crab's doing that "packing" stuff. (I am profoundly grateful that we are in fact two separate people, otherwise I'd be stuck packing too!) So I'm trying to put together a short-and-dirty (like me except for the hygiene part) Random Friday.

This infomercial was stolen leveraged from Morgan's blog. She managed to lose close to 100 pounds following this diet, and although Cranky Fitness is (let's say it all together) "NOT a weight loss blog," the information in this video clip is too funny to miss:



Since blogland can always use more haiku, and in honor of Crabby's poor cat, I thought we needed to raise cultural awareness levels: Cat Haiku.

And lastly, a quick travel joke to cheer Crabby on her way:


I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.

Unable to drive any further because of the ice building up on my front window I suddenly had a great idea. I stopped and began to overturn large rocks until I located two very lethargic hibernating rattle snakes. I grabbed them up, straightened them out flat and installed them on my blades and they worked just fine.

What! You've never heard of . . . wind chilled vipers?

Have a great weekend everyone!

Magic Weight Loss Pill, take two

[By Merry]


Get it? Take two, as in this is the second time we've blogged about weight loss pills or as in "take two pills" ... oh all right. Just checking.

We've already mentioned the possibility of an all-natural, working-with-the-body magical weight loss pill. It's not something that you can buy over the counter yet, but should be available soon.

But scientists have developed another weight loss pill that could be commercially available within a decade. Unlike the pill that works with your body's intestinal flora, this one is essentially a form of gastric bypass surgery without the knives. It shrinks your stomach chemically.

Normally, your stomach expands when you eat, to the point where you feel "full." Gastric bypass surgery involves physically restricting the amount that your stomach can expand. Gastric bypass surgery has had dramatically successful results with many patients. To quote the authors of a study on gastric bypass surgery, "...nonsurgical methods are notoriously ineffective at achieving major, long-term weight reduction."

But gastric bypass surgery is not without some nasty potential side-effects. Hell, Dr. J. would tell you that any surgery has some risks. (Bear in mind that I'm biased on this topic: my favorite uncle passed away due to a nosocomial infection.) So any method that would have the success rate of gastric bypass without the side effects would have me cheering.

All the same, I'm still resistant to the idea of any weight loss approach that works on the body rather than working with the body's own already established systems. One of the effects of stomach stapling is that "high fiber foods and foods with a more dense, natural consistency can become very difficult to eat relative to highly refined foods." I tend to distrust any man-made "solution" that goes against what has been working for the human body for countless generations.

We've all been raised on the notion that if you have a passing ailment, take a pill and it will go away. I am afraid that putting the gastric bypass solution into pill form will somehow put it on the same level as some passing problem. This is serious stuff and could have seriously long-term issues with it. It's a solution, but please, please, consider the more boring long-term solutions first.

Should I change my name to Crabby? Am I being too suspicious/old-fashioned/stuck-in-a-rut? I grant you, gastric bypass might be the way to go -- it's certainly worked for a lot of people that I've known. But shouldn't it be a last resort?

Ask Cranky Fitness: muscles, sex, and weight loss

[By Crabby and Merry]

No Way! There's Actually Something Inside?

This is a special edition of Ask Cranky Fitness. Why is it special? Because it features Three Real-Life Reader Questions! These were sent in by actual blog readers, as opposed to imaginary blog readers, who are much more likely to seek our advice.

Note: if you decide to send in a question to Cranky Fitness, be warned: our answers will probably not be helpful. We are not experts. If you have an important question, ask your Doctor or Mental Health Professional. However, if you do have a question and don't care if we inadvertently make fun of you while answering it, feel free to send it in. Because sometimes the folks in the comments section have some really good advice.


Dear Cranky Fitness,

If I'm strength training two days a week on Monday and Friday, do you think that's enough to see results or do you think the days need to be closer together, say Monday and Wednesday? Do I need to add an additional day as well?

The reason I ask: I HATE strength training by myself. Usually, I wimp out and thus never reap the benefits. There's a great strength training class at my gym, but I can only make the Monday and Friday morning classes. Am I wasting my time?

Sincerely,
Muscle Obsessed from the Midwest


Dear Muscle Obsessed,
If you are at the gym lifting heavy things, that's never a waste of time! Especially when you could be home lifting jelly donuts or cheeseburgers and devouring them instead of working out.

However, in my experience, you have to balance out the Loathsomeness of weight training with its Effectiveness. For me, personally, two times a week is enough to maintain strength gains, but I need to go more like 3 times a week for a while to build strength in the first place. My personal weight training plan: an endless cycle of Ambitious Building followed by Inevitable Slacking--at least until the smart scientists invent a muscle-creating pill. Or better yet, a muscle-creating cookie.

If you're building muscle and gaining strength with two times a week and a class you really enjoy, then hooray for you, that's good enough! But if you're stuck and not getting results, it may be time to venture beyond the safety and comfort of your class and add some solo workouts. I'd suggest getting the help of a Friendly Personal Trainer for your first few times, so you can learn all the equipment and discover that many of the Intimidating Gym Rats aren't even actually doing it right.

Good luck with those muscles!

---Crabby

Dear Muscle Obsessed,

I could just hear the enthusiasm when you mentioned that great class on Mondays and Fridays. Is there some other way to generate enthusiasm like that about weight lifting? Like using a Friendly Personal Trainer, as Crabby suggests, but make it an F.P.T. who is reeeeeally cute. Or is there a friend, maybe someone from that great class, whom you can persuade to join you on Wednesdays? If all else fails, set a goal that you want to achieve, such as lifting XXX amount before June. Tell your most sarcastic and critical in-laws co-workers what you're planning to achieve. I mean, hell, you don't want them snickering come June, do you? Fear of ridicule is not the nicest means of self-motivation, but you're going to feel really good about yourself when you make the goal!

-- Merry

Dear Cranky Fitness,

I'm hoping that you can offer some advice on the dreaded, and age old topic of Male/Female interaction at the gym. I go to the gym everyday, usually at the same time of day, and I see the same people over and over again when I am there. In particular, I see a woman, and she is, as the saying goes 'a slammin' hottie'.

Now, I know all about the taboos associated with health club chat ups. I get it, completely. No one goes to the gym to get hit on, and if you try it, you are likely to get branded as 'THAT GUY'. No one wants to be "THAT GUY". To avoid it, I usually pretend that the hot women in my gym don't exist.

Slammin Hottie and I have never spoken, however, for about two weeks, when working out, we have been having some serious eyeball foreplay. Lots of coy smiles, nods, and bedroom eyes. Is this enough to break protocol and make an approach? And how do you talk to someone without being interruptive?

Should I just forget it? Or is there a way to make a move and not look like a douche?

Many thanks,
Gym Guy


Dear Gym Guy,

Congratulations for picking a topic, "Flirtation Etiquette for Attractive Heterosexual Gym-Goers" on which I am spectacularly unqualified to comment! Yet I can't help but offer a few thoughts. Just ignore the fact I have no idea what I'm talking about.

First off, you get Extra Credit for even realizing there's an issue of appropriateness. Many women, whether Slammin' Hotties or not, report plenty of Clueless Approaches by guys who never consider that their advances might not be welcome--or who do consider the possibility but don't give a crap.

As you suspect, approaching her while she's rocking out to her iPod and in the middle of doing something strenuous is probably a mistake. While startling her and causing her to tumble off the treadmill or drop a barbell on your head might make a great "meet cute" scene in a movie, it real life it might kinda suck for you both.

My guess--straight girls, please help me out here--is that guys are still kind of expected to make the first move, and I don't know that a single woman would be horrified to be approached at her gym in a friendly, non-sleazy way by a guy who seems nice if she's not in the middle of something.

Suggestion: innocuous questions like: "Do you know if the gym's open on Easter?" might work somewhat better than "Wow, you're a slammin' hottie! Want to take a ride on my elliptical tonight?"

And do keep in mind that if she shoots you down, you've now turned your daily workout space into a Ongoing Rejection Reminder. Especially if you strike out but some Really Douchey Gym Dude swoops in and scores. So you may want to think hard about whether Slammin' Hottie is worth risking gym peace of mind for.

---Crabby

Dear Gym Guy,

Speaking from the Heterosexual corner, my best advice would be to try the Zen approach. No, I don't mean contemplate your navel, or hers either (at least, not obviously). Is there some Middle Path between being polite-but-distant and totally hitting on her? Can you, in short, get to know her in the non-Biblical sense of the word?

Small talk can be helpful here. Try asking her a question as she finishes her workout or while she's waiting to use some equipment. If she's listening to tunes, ask her about what music she likes to work out to. However, if she happens to mention casually that her iPod was a gift from her professional-football-playing boyfriend, take this as A Sign and stick to being a gym buddy. Whatever you do, don't come on too strong right away. You don't want to come across as an arrogant jerk or as a Nice Guy™. Take the Middle Path, grasshopper.

-- Merry


Dear Cranky Fitness,

I want to lose 60 pounds. It's the same 60 pounds that I have lost and regained 3 times in the past 10 years. Obviously, I need more than just diet and exercise...I need some of that--what do you call it?--behavior modification (or maybe just to have my frontal lobe removed!)

Anyway, my question for you is this: how do I do this? Do you have any suggestions? I've been looking into the weight management center at the University of XXXXXX, but it's not cheap and I'm not really sure how I'd do it when it's a XXX hour drive, round trip. Maybe I'm searching for a needle in a haystack. I know when it really comes down to it, I'm the only one who can help me.....I just need a shove or something! I just turned 40 and I really don't like myself a whole lot at the moment! Anyway, any advice or suggestions would be appreciated!

--Looking for Help


Dear Looking,

First off, if you have managed to lose 60 lbs three different times you are a very strong, very determined person with lots of willpower! You should be proud of yourself for these accomplishments, even if you find yourself struggling again. It's HARD to keep weight off, and the fact that you have the courage to try this again says a lot about your strength of character. Good for you for not giving up.

I'm hoping folks might help out in the comments section with more specific advice and encouragement. I suspect there are lots of people who can relate.

I'm not sure about the particular behavioral weight loss program; you're probably best off talking to people who've been through it. There are some good Cognitive Behavioral self-help books out there you might want to try--Judith Beck's