Fitness DVD Giveaway and Gratuitious Explosions

[Posted by Crabby]
Yes, it's Fourth of July and if you're an American you're probably not here. You're off at a picnic or a barbecue or a parade, risking sunburn, eating junky holiday food and waiting for it to get dark so you can watch the Ceremonial Explosions.




For the record: we're all in favor of eating crap on holidays and watching things blow up. (We are, however, against sunburns and eating crap every day of the year.)

So if you're reading this on Monday, that's just fine. The comments are still open for business and the winner of our DVD will not be chosen until Tuesday night and announced on Wednesday the Seventh or Whateverth.

Now let's talk about the whole Exercise DVD thing:

Do any of you ever workout to DVD's at home?

I don't know why I don't. I guess I just have my workout routines already and I tend to stick blindly to them.

Why attend a yoga or dance or martial arts class in the comfort and privacy of my own home, taught by an expert in the field, at my own convenience? When instead I can go to a gym and fight with others to use boring workout equipment I don't even like? Or go running or race-walking outside when it's humid and miserable and get bitten by mosquitoes?

It's a mystery--but there you go. But, if I were smarter, I'd have hogged a DVD for myself and reviewed it instead of giving it away. So we're all lucky that I'm kinda dumb, right?

Anyway, if you are a fitness DVD fan already or are tempted to try one, this is an excellent opportunity. The folks at Acacia not only seem to have some very cool DVD's, but they're willing to let you choose whichever one you want from their catalog.

And best of all, you don't have to be a United States resident to enter!

They've got all kinds of stuff, and from the previews, the production values look pretty top-notch. You can find Bollywood dance workouts and strength training and Tai Chi and Yoga Trance Dance. They've got stuff by Shiva Rea, Duncan Wong, and a bunch of other folks. Or, if you really want to take a walk on the wild side, you can check in with Dr. Andrew Weil and get a nice sensible lecture about eating your vegetables.

So here are your important instructions:

In order to actually get the DVD you want, and not just one I pick at random to amuse myself (hmm... would Dr. J like a prenatal fitness DVD?), go to the catalog and pick a title. Then leave a comment in this post letting us know which one you'd want if you won. Or, you can also just stop in and say hi and talk about holidays or indoor workouts or whatever! We love comments. But if you're angling for a DVD, do remember to say which one.)

A Random Number Generator will pick the winner.

And don't forget to check back Wednesday to see if you won. If so, email us at crabby mcslacker at gmail dot com (no spaces) with your name and mailing address and you'll get your DVD in the mail!

Warning: If the winner doesn't check in by midnight Thursday night, we'll pick a new winner.

So have a great long weekend (if you get one) and party like it's 1776!

UPDATE: The winner has now been chosen!

Dripping and Cursing

[By Crabby]

No, This is Not Crabby

Is there anyone out there who actually likes to exercise in hot humid weather?

If so, you may want to excuse yourself, because this is going to be one whiny-assed post.

It's not entirely my fault--I've lived most of my life in coastal Northern California. I'm accustomed to mild summers tempered by cool evenings. Except during occasional "heat waves," early summer mornings tend to dawn crisp, fresh and lovely.

Most importantly, I grew up learning that "wet" goes with "cold." Not with "hot."

"Hot" and "wet?" That's crazy talk! Or pornography. Certainly not weather.

And even though I've spent a few random years on the East coast, I seem to forget, like mothers who get amnesia about labor pains. Now that I'm back east again, I'm suffering from a recurrence of an disorder common to California natives: Pleasant Weather Entitlement Syndrome.

So when the weather gets hot and humid, it feels not just uncomfortable, but like something is profoundly wrong.

Somebody must have screwed up. Something is broken. I want my money back! People simply shouldn't be expected to put up with something as ridiculous and gross as summer humidity, it's outrageous! (Last summer I spent a couple months in Washington D.C. and there'd be times I'd walk out of an air-conditioned building and just start laughing out loud).

Here in Provincetown, Massachusetts, the weather is heavenly compared to the Southeast. It hasn't even gotten hot here yet. Not only is P-town located in a northerly location, but if you were to peruse a map looking for a place where refreshing sea breezes would likely be found (and you were not willing to live on a raft in the ocean), it's kinda hard to beat:

Water Everywhere!
(Photo via flickr)

And yet I can still find something to gripe about.

Sure, it generally is very pleasant in summer--we just happened to have a few warm muggy days recently.

And....Aacckkk! California girl melts down.

I innocently went for a morning run-- and came back drippy and red-faced and exhausted and miserable. What the heck? What just happened???!!!! Oh, my goodness, it's... it's... humidity!

So I'm wondering: how the hell do you folks who live somewhere with real heat and humidity exercise outdoors? How is it even possible?

Sure I've read the general hot-weather exercise advice you tend to get and it sort of boils down to the obvious:

1. Acclimate slowly; your body, once trained, learns to sweat more quickly and copiously.

(Note: This is great when it comes to exercising! Not so great when you're just trying to get from your car to an important meeting and your well-trained body decides that your dry-clean-only outfit needs immediate drenchification).

2. Drink plenty of fluids.

3. Dress in cool, loose, light-colored clothing.

Probably Not Advisable
[Photo credit: Iain Farrell]

4. Avoid midday sun.

5. Wear Evil Sunscreen.

6. Don't go outside in the first place!


So I'm clearly not the expert here--have you folks had any experiences with hot humid weather? Any advice?

Celebrate Pet Your Peeve day!

[By Merry]



There's a reason Crabby doesn't usually let me post on Mondays.
I loathe Mondays. If I'd been involved in the design of the weekdays, Monday would have been left off the list altogether.

Then I thought, well maybe a lot of people have things that annoy them, and maybe it would be a liberating feeling to create a day specifically for people to voice their own pet peeves.

Celebrate Pet Your Peeve Day!

What annoys you? Today I'm especially irked at people who make left turns. For some reason they feel impelled to initiate the left turn by veering to the right and then yanking the steering wheel until they're practically diagonal across the lane. No way annnnybody's going anywhere until they can make their turn.

I was going to put together a list of things that annoy me, but then I did a little research. Frankly, I've been outclassed: this site lists hundreds of annoyances: http://www.getannoyed.com/ (This is one seriously annoyed person, let me tell you.)

Excuse me? Merry, what does this have to do with fitness?

Hey, it's important to be aware of how peeved people can get. Remember the man who had a 'gym rage' incident in a Spin class? His neighbor would not stop being loud and obnoxious, so the man picked him up off of the bike and threw him against the wall. Kinda cranky. The surprising part is this: Man involved in Gym rage acquitted. (Apparently the jury didn't believe the victim's injuries were caused by being slammed against a wall. Maybe they were, maybe not, but at the least I would have thought some anger management classes would have been indicated at this point.)

There are a lot of people concerned with gym annoyances. You need to be prepared, or else you might have a close encounter with a wall yourself.

What's the most annoying gym habit?

• In a poll of the most annoying gym habits, overcrowding was the clear winner.
• A strong runner up in my opinion would be hygiene. The comments from gym owners on Trying Fiction's blog were enough to gross me out.
• Also, not that this is a problem I will probably encounter, having your exercise class canceled because some rich celebrity can't be bothered to workout at home ranks up pretty high in the peeve category.

How can I be sure that I'm not part of the problem?

• As always, our own Crabby McSlacker has the answer: how not to make an ass of yourself at the gym.
  
• Need more help? Newsweek compiled a list of 9 most obnoxious habits of Gym Rats.
• And Stephanie at Back in Skinny Jeans lists 7 most annoying Gym personalities, in case you want to check further.

My Summary
Personally, I think all you need to do is to be aware, don't stare, try not to scare, and learn to share. Simple, eh?

One more annoyance -- I know how peeved Crabby feels about performance art, so I thought I'd include an example.

I have to confess that I kinda liked this one. Public Displays of Musical Affection put on a 'spontaneous' performance in Union Square in San Francisco.

What peeve do you need to pet today?

Neanderthal fitness

"Anybody wanna wrestle?"

I don't know if I'm turning into a luddite or suffering from The Call of the Wild.

I expended roughly 200 calories the other day because I mowed the lawn with a push reel mower. (No, not the old ones from 30 years ago that were heavy as a tank -- those really were the epitome of Cranky Fitness. The new ones are so light even I can push one around.) Using a push reel mower instead of a gas-powered one made me feel good, almost as good as I feel when I bicycle to work instead of driving the gas guzzler.

It's surprising how virtuous it feels to be unplugged. Why is that? Am I hankering back to the Olde Days when everyone had to do everything by hand? I can almost hear the ghost of my grandmother telling me I'm crazy. (When my grandmother was young, they traveled in horse-drawn buggies. "Oh," I said, "that must have been fun." She shook her head. "Very bumpy.")

I appreciate the technological stuff like smoothly paved roads and the ability to buy food I can't grow in this climate, and yes, especially the fact that I can communicate electronically with friends I've never met and who live on the other side of the world. I get all that. It's cool.

So why does it feel so good to not use technology? Barbecues might not be very healthy, but food cooked over an open fire smells better and tastes than the microwaved version. We've evolved technologically, but emotionally we're not that far removed from the stone-knives-and-bearskins crowd.

"To better leverage our products, we need to kick mastodon ass ..."

The 'Caveman diet' is popular right now. I'm not passing judgment on this diet yea or nay, but I think one reason it is popular is that people have an urge to get 'back to basics.' Can the urge to exercise unplugged can be traced back to a yearning for an equivalent exercise program?

There really isn't an appealing equivalent for Neanderthal fitness -- at least, not one that fits in with the demands of modern life. I tried to picture merging the Stone Age with the Information Age, and all I could think of was:

0800: Crawl out of cave, discover how to make fire, brew coffee
0900: Work with Ugh on synergistic leveraging strategies
1200: Check out blogs
0100: Try to look busy and productive
0500: Chase mastodon, bring home for Mrs. N to roast

No, that doesn't sound like much fun.

But it's summer! The outdoors is calling!

Great outdoors, on line 1...

Maybe what I'm suffering from is spring fever. Dr. J. wrote a post about the need to experience nature. He quotes E.O. Wilson, an American biologist, researcher, and naturalist postulated, among many environmentalist views, as saying that “humans have an innate, biologically determined need for nature.” By combining exercise with being outdoors, I fulfill a couple of basic needs.

Do you prefer exercising outdoors if you have the chance? Or do the comforts of technology, cable TV and an iPod win out over mosquitoes, sunburn, and fresh air?

“To stand at the edge of the sea, to sense the ebb and flow of the tides, to feel the breath of a mist moving over a great salt marsh, to watch the flight of shore birds that have swept up and down the surf lines of the continents for untold thousands of year, to see the running of the old eels and the young shad to the sea, is to have knowledge of things that are as nearly eternal as any earthly life can be.” - Rachel Carson

Sneaky Tip for Strength Training

So our fit friend Jen got me reading the magazine Experience Life, and they had an interesting strength training tip that I thought I'd steal. It's called "Pausing for Power."

(Hey, it's Recipe Day, so I figured I could get away with something short and of special interest. Those of you who do not Strength Train can go make pasta!)

Anyway, when you are doing a set of yucky strength training exercises, you know how at the end you just physically can not do one more repetition? You tell your muscles "please, just one more!" and your muscles say "ha, ha, ha, sorry, no f*cking way?" This is generally how you know you've finished the set.

At this point, traditionally, you do one of two things. The first option: wait for your muscles to recover enough to do another set. (This can be a boring awkward waste of time unless you're good at multitasking). The second option, if you are lazy like me, is to say "that's over, thank God!" and move onto the next exercise.

Well, it turns out there's a sneaky Third Option:

You just pause and rest at the end of the set for few more seconds (5-10, usually, but up to 30 if necessary) until you can crank out just one more repetition. Then wait a few more seconds, and repeat again-- until you really can't do anymore.

This trick will allow you to either squeeze out more repetitions or use higher weights, and is apparently a good way to increase power and break through plateaus.

(There is supposedly some science behind this, but the source is a guy with a self-published book. He's probably very smart and all, but let's just say it's a "tip," not an authoritative study. The only way to know if it's any good is to see if it works for you.)

The technique works better for certain exercises than for others, and there are some general hints you'll want to find out about. So if you do want to try it, check out the article first.

Here's what I liked about this tip:

It's perfect for slackers like me who generally do only one set but occasionally feel the odd urge for a little bit of extra progress. This way, you're sort of skipping right to the "hard" repetitions at the end of another set, without having to do the whole other set.

It's a little early to tell if it's working for me--I think it is. And it does take a bit of experimentation to figure out how long to wait and which exercises you want to use it for. (Probably not best to use it all the time). But I'm having fun messing around with it. And at the very least, it's a good way to mix things up a bit.

So do any of you read stuff on blogs or in magazines and run out and try them? Any other good tips for strength training you've discovered that either make it more efficient or less loathsome?

Salt, strokes, and regular exercise: it's complicated

[by Merry]

Well, if it's medicinal...

I think all medical studies should be taken with a grain of salt, and maybe with lime and tequila as well. There's one thing a medical study has in common with a Hollywood starlet's Reality Show: it's complicated.

The conventional wisdom has always been thusly:

1. High salt intake = high blood pressure
2. High blood pressure = higher likelihood of strokes and heart attacks
3 Strokes and heart attacks = very bad, to be avoided

I'm fine with points 2 and 3. Point 1 is the questionable part.
This advice is good if you're a couch potato.
It's not so good if you work out a lot . Then the process runs (or walks, or bicycles) more like this:

4. Exercising a lot = sweating a lot
5. Sweating = loss of salt
6. Loss of salt = high blood pressure (refer to points 2 and 3 above)

To quote my hero Dr. Mirkin, from whom this information was blatantly stolen leveraged:

If you exercise heavily and restrict salt, you will not replace the salt you lose through sweating, which can cause high blood pressure as well as fatigue, cramps and muscle pain. When the body is low in salt, the adrenal glands produce large amounts of aldosterone and the kidneys produce renin, which constricts arteries and can raise blood pressure.

Researchers at Albert Einstein College of Medicine showed that people on low-salt diets are actually more likely to suffer heart attacks than those on high salt diets (Journal of General Internal Medicine, June 2008). They analyzed data from the Third National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES III) of American adults. Dr. Hillel W. Cohen, lead author of the study, stated, "Our findings suggest that for the general adult population, higher sodium is very unlikely to be independently associated with higher risk of death from heart attacks."


Every time I come across a study that seems to contradict everything I'd heard before on the subject, my first instinct is to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. Trying to juggle several different theories at one time causes the brain to overload, and I want to press my hands against my ears and sing la la la until all the theories go away.I Just Don't Want to Know.

But sometimes what looks like a 180 degree contradiction isn't. This study refines the previous theory rather than opposing it. You can steer a middle course between no-salt and becoming a salt vampire, like that woman on the original Star Trek. (Am I the only person who remembers the original Start Trek?)

Life is not One Size Fits All, so why should health advice apply equally to all the people all the time? Pass me the tequila and lime. Don't forget the salt.

Going "Off-Road"

[By Crabby]

Here at Cranky Fitness we are big fans of hiking, at least when we're not feeling petrified of lions, tigers, and bears.

Hiking is fun! Hiking is healthy, both physically and psychologically.

You can see wildflowers and redwood trees and pristine lakes and craggy mountains! You can see streams and birds and rabbits and frogs and coyotes!

But one thing you rarely see much of out in the wilderness?



That's right: Toilets.

You know how earlier we ran a post complaining about various aspects of public restrooms? (This being such a high-class blog). Well, depending on where you go hiking, there often aren't any to complain about.

Some people have capacious bladders and for them this is not a big deal.

Other people are male and for them it is not a big deal either (at least most of the time).

Still other people are small-bladdered females and even for lots of them it is no big deal. The gals who don't fret about it inevitably seem to find a convenient spot behind a rock or a bush or whatever and take advantage of their natural surroundings. They're back on the trail in a couple of quick minutes, feeling not only relieved but downright perky.

I am not one of those easy-going, no-fret-peeing sort of gals.

I hate going "off-road." Yet I do enough hiking that the "I'll just hold it 'til we get back" approach is not always practical.

Here are my tips for those who are not "naturals" but do like to go hiking enough to find yourself in distress.


How To Pee in The Wilderness if You Are Shy:


Before the Hike:

1. Be conscious of fluid consumption. Glass or two of water? Good idea--you need to stay hydrated! A triple latte followed by a 64 ounce Diet Pepsi? Not quite so good an idea.

2. Remember to pack Kleenex. (Those of us with allergies already have wads of used tissue in every pocket, but those of you don't have to blow your nose every ten minutes throughout the day may need to think ahead).

During the Hike:

3. Note the First Signs. Anywhere from 3 minutes to an hour or two into the hike, you may notice subtle signs of bladder accumulation. Sure, you don't have to go yet, but you realize maybe you could.

Crabby? It's Nature calling on Line 1.

4. Start Hunting for a Place Immediately. This is important, because ideal peeing spots tend to occur only when you don't actually need them. Waiting until you're desperate will virtually guarantee a lack of opportunity. If you want to magically turn a jungle full of humongous trees and thick brush into a sparse flat desert, just try looking for a place to pee in private.

5. Consider and Reject the First 5 or 6 or 40 Places You Find. Reasons for rejection can include: too far from the trail, too close to the trail, too steep, too slippery, too muddy, proximity to poison oak or poison ivy, not hidden enough, not hidden enough, not hidden enough, not hidden enough, not hidden enough.

(Note: the ideal place is so obscured from view that an entire squadron of Boy Scouts could pass within 6 inches of your little spot and not even notice. )

6. Keep in Mind Trails Have Two Directions. Have you ever done this? You bushwhack a few hundred yards through dense forest and finally find that perfect spot only to start to crouch down and realize that the trail has wound around and you're completely visible to people coming the other way?

7. Finally, Pick a Place and Hunker Down! Either because you've (a) found the perfect spot or (b) reached a state of desperation that makes any sort of cover acceptable.

8. Post a Lookout, if you have a companion. Make sure they are willing to throw themselves bodily across the path of approaching hikers if necessary to keep said hikers from viewing you in your Most Private Moment.

9. Remove the Kleenex from your Pocket BEFORE Squatting. Otherwise, you may have to stand up again, in a state of undress, in order to extricate it. And you will want to take care of business as speedily as possible, because "assuming the position" will guarantee either approaching hikers, or at least noises that will convince you that the aforementioned squadron of Boy Scouts is well within range.

10. Make Sure your Shoes are Not Positioned Downhill from the Rest of your Body. Do we need to explain why this is true? No, we do not. You are all aware of the laws of gravity.

11. Attempt to Commence Peeing.

12. Relax! Note that often urination will not commence if you are stressed about it. Try to forget that you are in a peeing outside in broad daylight and that people could come walking into view at any moment and that seconds count.

13. Repeat Steps 11-12 for as Long as Necessary.

14. Hooray, Successful State of Bladder Emptiness achieved!

15. Realize you Have to Stand up Again with your pants around your knees until you can wrestle them back on properly. Was the rock you are hiding behind always this short? Why was dropping down so much easier than standing up?

16. Put used Kleenex in your Pocket, since leaving it on the ground seems awfully eco-unfriendly. Important: note which pocket is the "bad Kleenex" pocket. Forgetting and then later recalling after you've blown your nose on it is not a pleasant experience.

17. Return to Trail, Smug and Relieved and Happy. You are a True Outdoorswoman Now!

(Note: There are actually products designed to aid in this process. However, I've never tried one because (a) I'd have to think ahead and order one, and (b) for some reason they scare me).

Does anyone else struggle with this particular Off Road Activity?

Love, Hate, and iTunes

[By Crabby]

Here is a sad story:

A couple weeks ago, I biked to the beach to go for a run. For several days, there'd been a large pod of rare Right whales just off the coast. And I was in luck, there were three of them just offshore! The beach was empty first thing in the morning and it was just me and three whales. I was psyched.

But then I reached into my pocket and discovered I'd forgotten my iPod. I nearly burst into tears.

My run was ruined.

(Sure, the whales helped--they were awesome. But I still spent most of my run sulking over the fact I had no music).

Hello, my name is Crabby McSlacker and I have an iTunes addiction. Are there any fellow addicts out there who can no longer do aerobic exercise without music?

Most of the time, it's not a problem. Like when I remember to bring the iPod and the battery is charged and I have a playlist full of good tunes, life is good. Exercise becomes far less of a chore--and is sometimes even fun.

And hey, exercising to music is good for you!

However, due to my technological stupidity and a certain amount of Evilness lurking behind the cheerful exterior of the iTunes Empire, often things go wrong.

(Not everyone has problems. My current difficulties come from trying to move my iTunes library over and over--from laptop computer to desktop computer to new laptop computer to new external hard drive, etc. It also didn't help that I bought a new iPod, even though I had to to replace a satanic one that used to spontaneously change languages and play all sorts of other pranks.)

I had originally thought for this post I might put my whole exercise library of Eight Awesome Workout Playlists (sorted alphabeticially by song title, for maximum randomness) up on iMix for everyone to laugh at check out. I even managed to publish the first one, but it turned out crappy because I forgot to delete the songs off it that I didn't like myself. I set out to do a much better job on the next seven... and that's when iTunes turned stupid and mean.

It decided it couldn't find any of my songs anymore.

"Hey iTunes," I said, calmly, "the songs you are looking for are are right here. Remember? I told you I moved them to an external drive. Recognize them, please? There are 300 songs and I paid you for all of them."

"Songs? What songs? I see nothing but exclamation marks."

"Right here! You knew where they were five minutes ago, and I haven't moved them!"

"Songs? Nope. Sorry! Can't find 'em anymore. But hey, if you need tunes so bad, you can always get your butt over to our iTunes store and buy 300 more."

When it's Crabby vs iTunes, it's not an even match.




So half a day and many attempts at fixes later, I still can't get the library working again--which means I can still play things off my own iPod, but I can't share playlists.

Which is just as well because you'd hate the songs. Other people's favorite workout music always seems surprisingly sucky.

So I have to apologize again to all the googlers who come to Cranky Fitness looking for "workout music" or "exercise iTunes playlists" or "best iPod cardio tunes" or "aerobic iTunes suggestions" or whatever--and just get a lecture on how everyone has different tastes so go look somewhere else.

One way to do it: go to iTunes or your own favorite retailer, and search people's shared playlists until you find music that doesn't make you barf.

At iTunes, you can go to the regular iMix section and search for "cardio" or "spinning" or "aerobic" etc. There is also now a special section called Nike Sports Mixes. It's not just corporate stuff, there's a section that includes workout iMixes made up by real people--real people who know how to get to their own music libraries and share playlists.

Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with their exercise music technology? Or any awesome suggestions for workout music we can disagree over?

(Note: For alert readers who noticed that today's post was exceptionally lame, there's a reason: the Crab and Lobster have house guests this week. Crabby's posts should return to the more accustomed level of lameness next week. There may or not be Time Off involved--we'll see. Thank God for Merry and for patient readers!)

The Annual Cranky Fitness Exercise Review

[By Merry]

It's spring, people are starting to think less about shoveling snow and more about exercising for fun. It's time for the first annual exercise review.

Not sure which exercise is for you? The experts at Cranky Fitness have reviewed some of the most popular forms of exercise. But their answers were boring and informative, so I gave them the boot and did the review myself.

Swimming
Pro: Good for people who have joint problems.
Con: People will see you wearing a bathing suit.
Tip: When purchasing swim goggles, find a pair that comes with thick black frames and a false nose, so no one will recognize you.

Did you spot the one person in this flickr photo NOT wearing the glasses?

Kick boxing
Pro: Supposed to get you into shape quickly.
Con: Requires good shoes and a box.
Tip: Before you kick the box, make sure it has not been filled with books, big heavy rocks, or nitroglycerin.

Outdoor bicycling
Pro: Good for people who have weight-bearing issues.
Con: Lack of front and side airbags is a real drawback.
Tip: Wearing a helmet is very, very smart.

See? Wearing a helmet makes people happy.

Indoor (stationary) bicycling
Pro: You don’t have to worry about cars.
Con: You do have to worry about going insane from boredom, plus the stationary bicycle design was lifted from an old idea first developed by the Spanish Inquisition.
Tip: Wearing a helmet will scare people off, so you won’t have to bother with making conversation.

Walking
Pro: So easy, even a toddler can do it!
Con: There are a lot of toddlers out there; you might trip over one. Watch out.
Tip: If walking is too non-strenuous, try race-walking. You get more exercise, plus you will provide innocent merriment for passersby.


Running
Pro: Great aerobic conditioning.
Con: Who cares? You’re puffing like a steam engine and some little old lady in a walker is passing you!
Tip: If new to running, make sure to avoid running near nursing homes, day care centers, and other places where being passed would prove especially humiliating.

They both look ready to kick my butt...

It doesn’t matter which form of exercise you choose so long as you keep moving. You know that. I know that. I know you know that… I’d better stop before I get even more confused. All this terrific* advice notwithstanding**, what is your favorite form of exercise?

(Um... that you can talk about in public.)

* Oh, humor me, would ya?

** I try to throw in the occasional polysyllabic word in a post; I like to think it adds a bit of class and culture to the blog, and maybe even impresses Crabby.

Secret to Success Revealed!

[By Crabby]

[Photo credit: Plan 59]

Here at Cranky Fitness, we're all about revealing those Secret Sneaky Tricks that successful folks use to achieve their goals. True, after a big fat buildup, these "secrets" and "tricks" always turn out to be the same old boring stuff you've heard a thousand times before--but by the time you realize that, you're already halfway down the page!

(And lets face it: it's harder to get people to read blog posts called "Yep, It's That Same Old Self-Help Crap You Know Already.")

So what's today's Magical Solution to your health and fitness and life struggles?

(Is it a pill? Please? A nice cheap pill I can order online?)

Sorry, no.

It's just this simple advice:

Think About The Consequences of Your Actions and Make Conscious Choices About What You Do.

Isn't that a great idea? Can you imagine how much more successful you'd be if you did that?

Gosh, thanks Crabby. I'll keep that in mind.

Yeah, it is kinda obvious. Even if few people actually do it. Perhaps we need a catchier name?

How else can we turn the obvious into a series of self-help books and lucrative seminars? (Hmm, seminars--in Hawaii, say? Or the Caribbean...? Right on the ocean, with a four-star restaurant and a luxury spa and snorkeling and stuff? )



Sorry, what was I saying?

A catchier name, right!

So our new Miracle Fitness Solution? Let's call it:

ChooseCarefully!©

(Uh oh, maybe we didn't choose too carefully ourselves. Apparently someone has already copyrighted this name. But it's just some "legal services" company. Screw them. What are they going to do, sue us?)

So why do you need to ChooseCarefully?©

Because most dumb decisions happen when we pretend we aren't actually "making" decisions at all. We just do stuff or we don't do stuff--and then we pretend that if we don't think about consequences, there are none.

People who are successful at losing weight or writing books or climbing the corporate ladder or running marathons? They recognize that the decisions they make everyday are important, so they make them consciously.

So how to stop floating around and start deciding? Here are some tips to on how to ChooseCarefully©:

1. Create Opportunities To Make the Right Decision

This is a hard habit to learn, but is worth training yourself to do it. Buy yourself time before giving in to temptation.

Get in the habit of waiting, even if it's only a minute or two, between a tentative impulse to give in, and actually doing something there's a good chance you'll regret.

So if a simple "no I don't need that brownie," isn't working, then tell yourself: "Well, maybe I do need it, but not yet. First I'll go get a drink of water, and then check my email, and then maybe stretch my hamstrings, and then I'll decide if I really want it I can have it. At least some of the time, you may actually change your mind and talk yourself back out of it.

Note: If it's a Big Decision, like whether to have plastic surgery, or buy an expensive sports car, or marry some guy who's really sweet, deep down, just misunderstood so he acts crazy sometimes, then you may need to buy yourself more than a few minutes.

Mom, I swear You'll Learn to Like Him!

2. Visualize Consequences.

This another obvious but effective trick when you remember to do it. Tempted to skip your workout? Don't just ask yourself "do I want to go to the gym now?" Because of course the answer is "hell no!"

Instead, ask: do I want to try to fit in an extra workout later in the week? Will I feel like it more then? How do I feel after a few missed workouts? Do I really want to lose momentum and feel guilty and like crap? How virtuous will I feel afterwards if I just suck it up and exercise?

When considering a big-ass bowl of super-premium ice cream, do you ask whether it's worth an extra five to ten miles on the treadmill in addition to what you normally do? If you eat it, will you feel satisfied or will you still want another bowl of ice cream when the first bowl is gone?

Successful people ask themselves questions like this all the time. (They don't always get the answer right, because imperfection is inevitable and even necessary. The trick is to never stop asking).

3. Little Decisions Add Up

Merry had a great post about this, but it bears repeating.

Suppose you have a very cherished but challenging goal, like saving money for a house. You may realize, theoretically, that it's going to take a lot of effort, but do you make all the small decisions you need to in order to get there?

Because you'll never get there if you forget the house whenever you're faced with an amazing expensive pair of shoes or an evening at a Chi-Chi bar where cocktails are $15.

Too many people won't acknowledge that life is about Trade-Offs. You don't get to have everything. Pretending this isn't true can mean losing your house or your education or your financial security to a steady supply of designer clothes and Starbucks Frappucinos.

4. Not to Decide is to Decide

If you often think wistfully, "I'd love to take a karate class someday" or "I bet I'd be good at selling real estate" or "I'm lonely and could use more friends and there's this knitting class that meets on Thursdays" but instead of doing anything you sit and watch television every night instead?

Well, guess what: you are deciding that you'd rather watch tv than learn karate or get a real estate license or have friends.

These sort of decisions don't feel like decisions, though--partly because if we really put any thought into it, we'd never make them. Would we really squander our precious time on earth doing things like checking our blog stats every ten minutes or watching four consecutive hours of Law and Order reruns?

(And Jen at Semicharmed Wife had a great example of making this process conscious in her blog. "I know I said I’d work on my short story today," she wrote, "but I feel like I deserve to read gossip blogs for an hour instead of working on my life’s dream.")

5. Still Making Dumb Decisions? Shrink Yourself!

No, not physically. Psychologically. Better yet, if you can afford an actual shrink, go see one. They get paid to do this because some of them are actually good at it.

Because if you're making a lot of bad decisions, maybe it's not just a question of willpower. You may have one conscious agenda ("to eat healthier and get in shape!") and a whole different unconscious one ("to never, ever feel deprived," "to distract myself from my feelings," "to stay invisible" or whatever).

Here's where it's helpful to look at patterns. In what situations do your actions typically contradict your intentions? Do you always overeat after a visit with your mother? Do you overspend when you're angry? You may be telling yourself all kinds of silly things to encourage these self-defeating behaviors, and it's helpful to learn how to tune into these conversations. Once you can hear what you're telling yourself, you can start questioning some of the idiotic things you carry around in your head-- so you can ChooseCarefully© instead!

So this is just the first five of a list that's probably at least 100 items long. But, well, this post has run long enough and Cranky Fitness isn't going anywhere. We can talk about the other 95 later on... perhaps someday at a sunny self-help seminar at a fancy resort!

Plus, many of you Smart Readers have much better suggestions about how to make conscious choices about important things rather than flailing around. So if you do, please share!

Advice for Grumpy Office Workers

This is a Special Guest Post, Hooray!

It's by Ali Hale of The Office Diet. Have you visited there yet? It's a great resource for busy full-time office workers who still have the nerve to want to stay healthy. There are all kinds of sneaky tips and recipes and such. (Plus, she's funny!) Ali is also a contributor to Diet Blog.


How to Keep Healthy and Stay Sane if you’re a Grumpy Office Worker


Nothing induces crankiness quite like being stuck behind a desk all day, in a room full of people whose presence you’re indifferent about at best, doing a job that makes you seriously consider whether watching kettles boil and paint dry would be more stimulating

Welcome to the world of Grumpy Office Workers, who face various challenges in maintaining some semblance of health and fitness in an environment tailor-made for comfort-biscuit-scoffing and slumping in front of a computer screen for eight hours straight.

The real world came as a cruel shock to me after a degree in English literature (when nine am was deemed “really early”, afternoon naps were almost mandatory and lectures were optional.) After a year and a half in tech support I am almost ready to throttle the next person who can’t use a ‘Forgotten password’ button have just about figured out some ways to manage a (mostly) healthy diet and vague stab at fitness.


Escaping from your desk – move those legs!

If, when you stand up, you see dazzled spots dancing before your eyes, and your legs wobble, you just might have been sitting still for too long. The routinely ignored advice for computer-facing workers is to take a break every hour. Boring, right? But it’s a good excuse to slack off, wander around for a natter with a colleague, and accomplish the twin goals of “being the most popular person in the office” and “being the thinnest” by offering round cakes (see below).

You may suspect that your boss will be irked by seeing you meandering around in an un-busy sort of way. In this case, I suggest briskly striding up and down the corridors with a determined gleam in your eye, as though heading off on some company-crucial mission.

And as a side benefit, you actually fit in some activity that doesn’t feel like exercise. Bonus.


Insist on your full lunch hour and get away from your desk

When lunchtime finally rolls around, many Grumpy Office Workers want nothing more than a decent sandwich and a chance to chortle over Crabby and Merry’s latest post without having to constantly Alt-Tab at the sound of the boss’s footsteps.

However, spending your lunch hour at your desk guarantees a successive stream of clueless co-workers asking “Do you remember where we put the Very Important File?”, “Have you got a few minutes to spare today to fit in a teeny weeny extra task?” and “Is that the third cookie you’ve eaten today?” The second-best answer to such questions starts with N, ends with O, and has two letters. (The best starts with F and ends with Off....)

Rather than lingering at your desk, like the smell from your colleague’s egg sandwich, drag yourself out of the building at lunchtime. Escape to the quiet forest, the green hills, the peaceful lakes … or if, like most Grumpy Office Workers, your surroundings consist of the local high street, escape to the gym.

Yes, I get a nice intense half-hour workout in, and yes, I go back to the office feeling totally de-stressed (until I fire up Outlook again) – but the real reason I am known as the company’s “gym bunny” is because it’s darn peaceful there. No-one from the office has ever bothered trekking to the gym to accost me on a treadmill and ask an “urgent” question.


Cookies, cakes, chocolate and other office goodies

There’s something about free food, especially free fat-and-sugar-laden food that makes it nigh on impossible to resist. Even when it’s the stale cookies left over from yesterday’s meeting, the dubious looking sweets that someone’s brought back from holiday, or the gooey chocolatey Easter cupcakes dotted with mini eggs……wait. That last one was me.

Because my advice here is not “practise some restraint and ask yourself if you really want that sorry excuse for a treat” but instead “fatten up all your colleagues by taking in gorgeous baked goods to sabotage their diets.” You might still be chubby, but they’ll be even bigger: so what if you have to resort to somewhat sneaky means to be the slimmest in the office?

Who says size doesn't matter?

[By Merry]

Merry gets up on her high horse...

"I rejoice every time I see a woman ride by on a bike. It gives her a feeling of self-reliance and independence the moment she takes her seat; and away she goes, the picture of untrammeled womanhood." - Susan B. Anthony 1896

I've been reading a lot about the importance of good running shoes. But I haven't seen anyone writing about the importance of buying the right size bicycle. Just because you're not pounding it into the ground with your feet doesn't mean you shouldn't care. If you're into cycling at all, you're going to be spending a lot more time with your bicycle than you will with your running shoes.

Men and women both have different problems with badly fitted bicycles, but the most common problem for both sexes, among people who only ride occasionally, is the distance from the seat to the pavement. It's almost invariably too low.

Most people who start out riding sit on the bike like they were, to quote one cyclist, 'about to go to the toilet.' Basically people squat on the bike. The feet can reach the ground without having to tilt the bike to one side or another, but it puts more strain on the knees.

Once the training wheels come off, it's time to learn to balance...

There have been a lot of studies about the effect of cycling on men, especially with regards to male fertility. You don't hear much about the effects of cycling on women. If you're a woman you sure feel them, but there aren't a lot of studies out there on the subject.

It's true there's a vas deferens between men and women. (That joke never gets old, at least not to me.) To quote the WOMBATS website (Women's Mountainbike And Tea Society), women often have shorter torsos and longer legs than a man of the same height. Just because you and your boyfriend are the same height doesn't mean you'll be comfortable riding his bicycle.

A few things to bear in mind if you're shopping for a bicycle:

• Women have wider pelvic areas. The "sit" bones on a man are closer together than they are on a woman, but most bicycle seats don't take that into account. So while a man can sit on a bicycle seat and have his weight supported by his skeletal structure, a woman who sits on the same bicycle seat is having a lot of pressure put on a very sensitive area of the anatomy. Ouch. A woman's bicycle seat is generally shorter and a bit wider.
• If you're buying a road bicycle, remember that a man's shoulders are generally wider than a woman's shoulders. If you're on a city bike, a hybrid, mountain bike, any bicycle that has one long handlebar, this isn't an issue. But a woman on a man's sized road bicycle can find herself holding her arms at a wider angle than can be comfortable. This sort of detail can matter after you've been on the road for a couple of hours.
• For both men and women, there are times when it pays to be average, and buying a bicycle is one of them. If you're under 5'4", then there aren't as many choices out there. (I'm sorry, I don't know what the upper range of average is. I've read 5'9" but that seems a bit low.)

If you're short, the best option seems to be a Terry bicycle. (Personally, I found the Terry's gear shifting affected my tendinitis, so I ended up going with a Bianchi Eros. But most bicycle sellers will point you toward a Terry.) Regardless of the brand, any bike seller worth the name will want to work with you to make sure you get the right size.

Obligatory note: I am not a professional cyclist nor do I know anyone who plays one on T.V. I used to hang out with people who thought nothing of cycling several hundred miles a week. (Note: I said 'hang out' not 'ride with'... a more accurate term would be 'ride behind'... far, far behind...)

If I sound preachy it's because I think it's really, really cool to go for a long bicycle ride out in the country where there aren't a lot of cars but there is a lot of nature. You get to see things you never when you're driving a car, plus it's easy on your knees and you can get a workout while sitting down!

I know a lot of people are suffering from BIBD and similar disorders. But it's spring! Any minute now it's going to stop raining and it'll be good riding weather. Any minute now. Anyone up for a bike ride?

I'm ready...

Why Can't You Stick to Your Plan?

The Enemy is Sneakier Than You Think
(Photo courtesy of Plan 59)

[By Crabby]

This is another one of those posts in which Crabby offers unsolicited advice and reminds you about things you already know. Warning: Prolonged exposure could cause drowsiness, irritability or upset stomach.)


It Happens to Everyone

If you've set a major goal for yourself--like trying to eat healthier, lose weight, get out of debt, run a marathon, organize your life, finish your novel or whatever--you will likely have some rules or plans or at least hopes to guide your behavior.

Some days, you will be full of determination and you will do all the right things.

Other days, you will ignore your rules and do whatever the hell you feel like doing. This will make you feel like crap.

In previous advice posts, we discussed how screwing up is a necessary part of the self-improvement process; how to stay accountable, and how to re-motivate when you're stuck.

But this post is more about exploring why you screwed up in the first place, and how to keep it from happening so often.


Meet Your Enemy: Entitlement.

There are lots of other enemies to staying on track--like stress, fatigue, depression, crazy schedules, and even a low sense of self-efficacy.

We can talk about those later. Today we take on Entitlement, because it's at the root of so many screw-ups and it's so sneaky.

Quick example of entitlement in action:

You've been eating really healthy all week and you've decided you get to have a piece of cake at a birthday lunch. But by the time dessert is served, you're totally full. Plus the cake is a kind you don't even really like.

So you eat a monstrously big piece anyway, and don't even enjoy it.

Q: Why the hell did you do something so dumb?
A: Because you had already decided "I get a piece of cake today," and you felt entitled to eat it.


Entitlement Has its Place:

Let's say your neighbor borrows your car one afternoon but instead of returning it, he parks it in his own driveway with no apparent intent to return it. Do you say, "whatever," and go out and buy a new car? Or do you go over and take it back because it's your f*cking car?

My guess is we come equipped with a sense of entitlement for a reason. We need it, sometimes. But it's one of those archaic emotions (like jealousy or anger) that doesn't necessarily align with reality. A sense of entitlement is often self-serving, illogical, and just plain wrong.

(In a larger context, I believe our exaggerated sense of self-entitlement is a huge problem in the world. We shall, however, leave that discussion for another time.)


How Do You Confront Your Entitlement When it's Being Stupid?

It depends on the specific reason you're feeling entitled. For example:


1. Everyone Else Gets to Do It

This one is really easy to indulge in. We look around us to see what's "normal." Why should you have to go to the gym and eat cauliflower soup when everyone else is watching tv and eating McDonalds? Your neighbors maxed out their credit cards to buy a huge expensive high-def TV, why shouldn't you get to have one too?

If you can recognize what's going on, the best way to fight this is to recognize that the "normal" world is populated by space aliens. Those around you are an entirely different, substandard, sedentary species with strange eating and spending habits and short life spans. You don't "get" to do what they do anymore than you "get" to drink water out of the toilet or poop on the sidewalk just because your dog does.

Instead, start to normalize and identify with those who, like you, have sensible goals. Go to their blogs or read their books or find actual like-minded humans to hang out with. The more you expose yourself to them, the less you will feel that the habits of space aliens are relevant to your life.


2. I Used to Be Able to Do That

Losing something is much harder than never having had it in the first place. Whether it was the discretionary bonus your company used to pay every Christmas or the secret parking spot only you knew about--once you got used to having it, it felt like yours.

And if you always used to eat a Grand Slam breakfast at Denny's or sleep in until 11 on Sunday mornings, there may be a part of you that feels that you should always be entitled to do those things, no matter what your actual plans and rules are.

How to fight this?

First remind yourself that you are now a different and superior human being. You are giving up the "right" to indulge yourself for all kinds of great new benefits. And then just suck it up and change your habits for a while.

The good news: after a few months it will be much easier. The sense of entitlement around your old lifestyle will start to fade. The "old you" will become more like the space aliens above, and will be easier to ignore. You may still miss the old ways sometimes, but you don't still feel entitled to Trick or Treat on Halloween anymore, do you?


3. I work so hard!

Yes, of course you do! You're putting in long hours at the office and getting your exercise and making time for your spouse and raising wonderful kids and so that pint of Ben and Jerry's calling to you from the freezer? Aren't you entitled to it?

Well, sure, every now and then. Some days something's got to give.

But if you're consistently impressing your boss but eating like crap, or eating all clean food but spending yourself into lifelong debt, or running that marathon but neglecting your family--you're going to run into trouble.

Unfortunately, sacrifice in one area of your life won't translate to progress in another.

You can't transfer your "entitlement" credit from one area where you excel--say your job-- and use it in another area where you suck--say your health.

How to deal with the "I work so hard" sense of entitlement? You have to Re-Prioritize.

That means stop earning all this "extra credit" where you're already doing enough. Stop responding to fake emergencies; learn to say "no" to stuff you don't have time for; stop caring so much what other people think and start figuring out what's important to you. Then you might not feel so martyred and entitled in areas of your life that you actually need to buckle down and pay attention to.

(Note: All this is way easier said than done, as we've discussed before).


4. Because I Earned It

Remember the cake example above? Sometimes you feel entitled because, by your own rules, you have actually have "earned" a treat or a break or a reward.

And if you really want the treat or the break or whatever, go for it! Rewards can be really helpful in maintaining long term efforts.

But what if you don't even really want your treat now, and are only cashing in because its yours and you earned it?

The trick here is to realize you're being a big baby. You're letting "Mommy" (your Rules) dispense treats when you are Mature and Sensible enough to do it on your own. Tell yourself that you "owe yourself one," which you will enjoy MUCH more if you wait. You don't need Mommy to tell you what to do. Except later, when you want ice cream and Mommy is telling you to eat your vegetables. Then you gotta listen to her again.

Is it just me, or does anyone else struggle with entitlement? Any good advice?

Pull Ups and Push Ups: For Women Too?

[By Crabby]

(Photo by hrtmnstrfr)

Who Changed The Rules?

Pull Ups and Push Ups: all of a sudden, it seems, we women are being urged to take 'em on.

If I'm not mistaken, we used to be considered exempt. We had a special easy kind of push-up just for us, the "girls" version, with knees down. And as to pull ups? Most guys can't do 'em either, and they have all that testosterone--only Super Fit Weightlifter Gals were supposed to be able to rise to the challenge. The rest of us could crank out a few lat pulls or hop on the Gravitron and call it a day.

But as women have gotten more empowered and stronger and started to take over the weight rooms and fitness magazines, the "bar," so to speak, has been raised.

And while I'm usually able to ignore Fit Bloggers who do Incredible Things (like Bunny Girl or Nitmos) the call to master these two forms of torture exercises is getting louder every day.

The New York Times was recently pushing push-ups. Geek Girl recently dissected the anatomy of a push up. Even bloggers we love such as MizFit and Stumptuous and Jen at Survival of the Fittest and Kelly at Fitness Fixation (and in the News) seem to be telling us: Push Ups and Pull Ups are great and you gals can all learn to do them too!

Well, my response to these beloved sources of inspiration?

Screw it, No We Can't!

(Disclaimer: actually, I can do 25ish full-body push-ups, if I have to. I actually prefer other machine-based forms of upper body exercise. But I'm a bazillion years from being able to do an unassisted pull-up. So I can totally relate to those who have Push Up issues, and I will count myself as an honorary member of your Tribe).

What's Wrong With Rising Expectations for Women's Fitness?
Nothing! I am generally on the other side of the argument on this stuff, urging women to do their strength training and railing against the use of teeny tiny pink weights.

But Push-Ups and Pull-Ups are Unfair and Mean!
These exercises are Unfair Benchmarks for fitness. The larger your body weight, the harder they are, even if you're really strong. There are some incredibly fit women who do not have lucky lean metabolisms. Should heavy fit people feel like failures because they can't do some arbitrary body-weight lifting exercise?

No!

So don't feel bad if you can't and won't ever to be able to do them. Keep getting stronger and set whatever goals motivate you.

That Said, I Really Really Want to be Able to Do Some Pull-Ups.
These gals are just a little too inspiring to ignore them entirely. I'm lean enough now that theoretically, pull-ups should be a possibility. On the other hand, I honestly think I'm (a) too old and (b) too lazy to do what it would take to get there.

But still, perhaps I'll try a little harder to get a little closer.

Some Resources if you want to Learn To do Push-Ups or Pull-Ups:

As common sense suggests, you need to approach it incrementally, but the gals above have creative ideas as to how to do that. More specifically:

• Jen and the folks at Experience Life have lots of suggestions to get you to your First Pull-up.
• Stumptuous tells you how to Mistress the Push-Up
• MizFit gives Push-Up lessons in a handy video.
• From Jen again, how to Do 15 Pull-Ups . (For you Hard Core Fit gals.)

Crabby Goes to the Gym!
Based on the above resources, it seemed like time for me to try some "negative" pull-ups. These involve starting from the top of a pull-up and lowering yourself down.

I started my pull-up remediation program last week and I learned several things:

1. Negative pull-ups are MUCH easier if you skim the article, ignore the part about "slowly" and just let gravity drop you down, then hop up again and drop down again, etc. in an entirely half-assed manner.

2. Even cheaty half-assed negatives can MAKE YOU SORE AS HELL FOR THREE DAYS AFTERWARDS.

3. If you go back and read the article, then return to the gym and do them right ("a slow three or four count per negative"), you may discover you can hardly do any. Hardly doing any still makes you SORE AS HELL for another couple days.

4. After years of slacky weight training, wherein the goal has been pretty much to maintain strength rather than increase it, feeling SORE AS HELL is actually kinda fun!

(However, check back in a few weeks when I'll probably have stopped doing negatives because they're too hard. Sorry, you weren't, um, coming to Cranky Fitness for inspiration, were you?)

Is anyone else trying to master/increase their push-ups or pull-ups, or do you not give a crap whether you can do them or not?

A breathtaking approach to exercise?

[By Merry]

I mean the title of this post literally. Honest.

One of my pet peeves is people using the word "literally" incorrectly.
Friend - "He was so upset that he literally exploded with anger."
Me - "Wow, that must have been messy."
Friend - "Huh?"

[Crabby reaches out a claw -- figuratively -- and drags Merry back to the point]

Anyway, the point is that pollution is a problem.

Breathing on an airplane is bad for you. Apparently noxious vapors leak into the cabin through the air-conditioning system and can cause breathing difficulties, fatigue and even permanent brain damage. Some former pilots claim they have been left unable to fly after exposure to this recycled air.

Breathing while living next door to a shoe factory is apparently really bad for you. One woman spent 8 years fighting the shoe factory and the city council because she claimed the glue fumes from the factory were poisoning her. (It's a depressing, scary tale.)

But apparently you can exercise when you're in Los Angeles on a windless day. Exercising when air quality is bad is okay????

I ripped off leveraged the details of this study from Dr. Mirkin's site.

*****************************************
Researchers at University of Dublin asked whether a person would absorb more pollutants while walking or cycling slowly, or while covering the same distance at a faster rate. You would think that the faster you move, the harder you breathe, causing you to absorb more pollutants through your lungs. However, the o