March 20, 2017

High Heels: WTF, Ladies?

image: maxpixel

By Crabby McSlacker

There are some ways in which I definitely have a girl brain, not a boy brain. But in other ways, I am a dude. I sometimes find my own gender to be an alien species, incomprehensible in its motivations and reasoning and habits. 

(For a more complete elucidation of my cluelessness about female behavior, I wrote a much longer post years ago about Women and the Quest for Beauty. Like so many ancient Cranky Fitness posts, it lingers undisturbed in the archives, gathering dust and long forgotten, yet it's better than the stuff I write now. Which makes me a little sad. Though not sad enough, apparently, to devote more time to current blog efforts). 

Anyway, this is just a brief and pissy rant on a small subject of the topic: high heeled shoes. And since so many of you wear them, either grudgingly or enthusiastically, I'd love to hear your vocal defense of your choices in the comments. 

But let me get you good and riled first!

March 13, 2017

Your First Colonoscopy! What to Expect

Whee! Time for a Tube Up Your Tuchus!

By Crabby McSlacker

So, some perspective here: for people with serious illnesses who've been through hardcore, painful, debilitating, invasive medical procedures? A colonoscopy is probably child's play. (Although let's be clear, that's just an expression. If your child actually plays this way? We need to talk).

But for most people, there's at least a little trepidation. And for many, if statistics are to be believed, that fear is significant enough to skip the procedure entirely! Well sure, it could save your life and all, but really? Do you have to?

There are actually some alternative colon cancer screening methods. But since I didn't get to use one of them myself, discussion of these will be brief, and possibly a little bitter.

I've had a couple of  colonoscopies now. (And an additional bowel prep due to my hysterectomy.) My second colonoscopy was just a few days ago and the memories are still fresh. So I'm thinking it's time to share some info and observations and tips?  This is after all, a health blog, although with recent posts on tattoos and winter travel, it's easy to miss that part.

Here's the thing: for some people the whole colonoscopy thing is a breeze. For a very few unlucky folks: it's horrible. For most people I know, myself included: the procedure and the prep are somewhere in the middle. Decidedly unpleasant but not intolerable.

But being a whiner myself, I get tired of all those public-spirited accounts of the colonoscopy process that make it sound entirely innocuous in order to get you to go ahead and get yours. I'm not going to lie to you just to make sure you go do it. You need to and you will be really glad you did it! But it's not exactly fun. Here's at least one chronic complainer's take on what's involved.

And for those of you who have already joined this exclusive club? I'll be curious if your experience was similar or if there are all kinds of different colonoscopy experiences.

Warning: due to mature and disgusting subject matter, reader discretion is advised.

March 06, 2017

Should You Get a Tattoo? The Great Tattoo Experiment


By Crabby McSlacker

You don't generally "experiment" with getting a tattoo. That's what makes getting one such a badass thing to do. Whether you're rational and level-headed when that needle hits your arm, or whether you're insensibly infatuated with a new romantic partner, drunk off your ass, bitter about some undeserved setback, or just feeling full of life and tired of being so "sensible" all the time, it doesn't matter: you just signed up for a lifelong commitment. (Or an expensive and painful removal process).

Holy crap, right? That's why I've always admired the courage of people with tattoos. Like the fabulously unapologetic Mizfit Carla!

Is it true that I also sometimes feel a little worried for some of those tattooed folks, depending on their particular choices and my level of optimism that day?

You betcha.

I consider myself a rational, even cautious sort of person, yet I've been tempted to get a tattoo for quite a while now. The urge has been growing even stronger in these fraught times, when self-expression feels so vital.

So, what did I recently run out and do?

February 27, 2017

Is Winter Actually the BEST Time to Train Outdoors?


Guest Post by Lisa Green with Intro by Crabby McSlacker

You see the happy face of the winter exerciser pictured above? That's your first clue Crabby McSlacker didn't write this post.  She is a cowardly snowbird who flees to warmer climates when it gets cold. And she figured a winter picture of her exercising while holding a pina colada on a beach lined with palm trees might not be all that motivating to people in more northerly climates. (Though hell, with this winter's weird weather, you too may be donning your swimsuits and reaching for tropical cocktails).

But guess what? It turns out outdoor cold-weather exercising comes with some side benefits you may not know about. This might be way more helpful to your motivation during sucky winter weather than anything Crabby might suggest.

Lisa Green writes for Gym Person where you can find useful training tips and resources. But never fear, Crabby will be back either later this week or early next week, you never know with her. See you soon! --Crabby

You can’t be blamed for wanting to ride out the winter season and get back in shape come spring. Or maybe you are even that kind of person that regardless of season prefers to workout at home rather than outdoors.

Regardless of how or where you like to train, you would be wasting an incredible opportunity if you let the winter slip away.

For people willing to brave the elements during the winter months; the cold temperatures and low humidity can turbo-charge your training and torch body fat to give you a beach-ready body in time for summer.

Keep reading to learn all the benefits of cold weather workouts!

February 21, 2017

The Snowbird Lifestyle: Healthy Anti-Aging Solution or Horrifying Misadventure?

photo: wikimedia

By Crabby McSlacker

So what's a snowbird? (Besides, apparently, a ski resort in Utah?)

I'll offer one definition of a snowbird: a species of silver-crested North American, usually of advancing years, that migrates annually for the winter from colder northern climates to warmer southern ones. Best known for upsetting local ecosystems and annoying year-round inhabitants.

Regular readers may be aware that my wife (aka "The Lobster") and I are a couple of those dreaded snowbirds. Yet: we are not all that old. Nor, we hope, are we all that annoying.

And it's not just us: Snowbirds seem to be getting younger. Maybe it's because more jobs are going virtual and it's not just for retirement anymore? Or it might be because new options that didn't exist 10 or 20 years ago can make it way more affordable and practical than it used to be.

(Note: I'm talking about "snowbirding" because that's what people google the most common sort of seasonal migration. But this applies to other extended getaways too, like fleeing a torrid climate during summers, or spending months abroad every year in a country that's cheap and culturally enriching, or whatever.)

So if you're curious about the Snowbird lifestyle, either because it sounds vaguely appealing, or alternatively, because it sounds so hideously disruptive that reveling in the details will make you smugly grateful that you live only in one place like a normal person--some thoughts below.