April 15, 2017

Forest Bathing and Awkward Anniversarys


photopixabay
By Crabby McSlacker

Yep, Today Cranky Fitness is 10 years old.

Holy crap, right? It's hard to believe. How could such a half-assed enterprise have endured an entire decade?

The quick answer is of course: it hasn't. Not really. That's why it's an awkward anniversary. I've taken huge breaks, wandered away, reappeared, disappeared again, and generally gotten shockingly irresponsible about  blogging

But hey... somehow the blog is still here!

So you may have questions: what does the blog anniversary have to do with Forest Bathing? What the hell is forest bathing? And will this post contain any gratuitous nudity?

April 03, 2017

On the Road Again...


 By Crabby McSlacker

Are you ready for a blog post chock full of healthy travel tips, amusing anecdotes, surprising discoveries, inspiring advice, and breathtaking photos of scenery and wildlife?

Oops, sorry! You probably want to type a different URL up there in your search bar. Did you not realize this was Cranky Fitness?

As it happens, I've done some decent "on the road" posts before, both of the "holy crap look how pretty this is" variety, as well as the "here's how to exercise at gas stations even if people think you're a psycho" kind. But we've only got a brief layover on this, our eleven thousandth cross-country schlep, and there's laundry to do and email to catch up on and other miscellaneous shit to take care of while we're not rolling down the road at 75 miles an hour.

But for today, I do have at least a few hiking pictures and one Important Cross Country Road Trip Lesson Learned.

March 28, 2017

Exercise Motivation, The Weird Way

image: flikr

Do you look forward to a strenuous workout?

If so, congratulations! But the rest of what follows may seem like incomprehensible gibberish to you. If you don't need to twist your brain into pretzel-like configurations in order to motivate yourself to exercise: you are free to resume websurfing. Enjoy a few more videos of rhinos cuddling with meekrats, or watch with terrified fascination as the next Trumpian plans for the apocalypse are announced. Google up a tasty gluten-free avocado brownie recipe! Or hell, go out and run a marathon and follow it up with a nice little nap.

There all sorts of healthy ways to motivate to exercise! I've talked a lot about exercise motivation and demotivation and remotivation over the years, and will doubtlessly yammer on for years to come. I have all kinds of healthy motivational tricks that I'm not embarrassed to share, and these are a large part of my aresenal.

But there is also a seamy back-alley of exercise will-power, and I have some other secrets you don't see mentioned in respectable publications. Yet for some of us, these are a real help in keeping us consistent throughout the years, yielding the numerous physical and emotional benefits that sedentary people do not get to enjoy.

Just what the heck am I talking about?

March 20, 2017

High Heels: WTF, Ladies?

image: maxpixel

By Crabby McSlacker

There are some ways in which I definitely have a girl brain, not a boy brain. But in other ways, I am a dude. I sometimes find my own gender to be an alien species, incomprehensible in its motivations and reasoning and habits. 

(For a more complete elucidation of my cluelessness about female behavior, I wrote a much longer post years ago about Women and the Quest for Beauty. Like so many ancient Cranky Fitness posts, it lingers undisturbed in the archives, gathering dust and long forgotten, yet it's better than the stuff I write now. Which makes me a little sad. Though not sad enough, apparently, to devote more time to current blog efforts). 

Anyway, this is just a brief and pissy rant on a small subject of the topic: high heeled shoes. And since so many of you wear them, either grudgingly or enthusiastically, I'd love to hear your vocal defense of your choices in the comments. 

But let me get you good and riled first!

March 13, 2017

Your First Colonoscopy! What to Expect

Whee! Time for a Tube Up Your Tuchus!

By Crabby McSlacker

So, some perspective here: for people with serious illnesses who've been through hardcore, painful, debilitating, invasive medical procedures? A colonoscopy is probably child's play. (Although let's be clear, that's just an expression. If your child actually plays this way? We need to talk).

But for most people, there's at least a little trepidation. And for many, if statistics are to be believed, that fear is significant enough to skip the procedure entirely! Well sure, it could save your life and all, but really? Do you have to?

There are actually some alternative colon cancer screening methods. But since I didn't get to use one of them myself, discussion of these will be brief, and possibly a little bitter.

I've had a couple of  colonoscopies now. (And an additional bowel prep due to my hysterectomy.) My second colonoscopy was just a few days ago and the memories are still fresh. So I'm thinking it's time to share some info and observations and tips?  This is after all, a health blog, although with recent posts on tattoos and winter travel, it's easy to miss that part.

Here's the thing: for some people the whole colonoscopy thing is a breeze. For a very few unlucky folks: it's horrible. For most people I know, myself included: the procedure and the prep are somewhere in the middle. Decidedly unpleasant but not intolerable.

But being a whiner myself, I get tired of all those public-spirited accounts of the colonoscopy process that make it sound entirely innocuous in order to get you to go ahead and get yours. I'm not going to lie to you just to make sure you go do it. You need to and you will be really glad you did it! But it's not exactly fun. Here's at least one chronic complainer's take on what's involved.

And for those of you who have already joined this exclusive club? I'll be curious if your experience was similar or if there are all kinds of different colonoscopy experiences.

Warning: due to mature and disgusting subject matter, reader discretion is advised.