September 17, 2014

Where the Heck is Crabby?

photo: wikipedia
This was supposed to be a cheerful, picture-filled, back-from-vacation post.  You know, craploads of castles and palaces and cobble-stoned streets, and the usual questionable food choices and tortured metaphors about health and fitness.

Unfortunately, while the trip was a blast, along the way my back took a turn for the worse. And then, once I got back, decided that one turn wasn't enough and took dizzying series of further turns for the far, far worse.  I tried to get up to make coffee this morning and had to abort, and ended up crawling back to bed, moaning in a most melodramatic and unbecoming way.

I have no idea what the fuck is going on and why it's not getting better.  I've been trying so hard to be careful!

A bulging or herniated disc seems pretty likely, but it has gone from there being certain moves I can't make comfortably, to there being no way to move at all without powerful drugs, some of which we happen to have in the form of expired prescriptions not originally written on my behalf. Tsk tsk, I know, that's illegal!

But take my advice: you know how they tell you always to be a good citizen and throw out your old prescriptions if you don't finish them? DON'T!!! Someday you may be really, really glad you didn't.

Anyway, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow where I hope to secure some fresh shiny perfectly legitimate drugs.  And hopefully get to a point where I can start physical therapy again.

Of course there's no reason on earth why I can't suffer and blog at the same time, right? Especially since the very theme of the blog is complaining about health-related matters. But I'm a wimp and just don't seem to have it in me.  Side effects of the drugs seem to include nausea, 3-hour long naps, and writers block.

However, when you least expect it, I'll be back!  Thank you all so much for your patience!

September 12, 2014

London: Visitor's Guide to Healthy Food & Fitness


Guest Post by Helen Foster

So this is the last of the great guest posts for a while--I'm heading home from Budapest tomorrow. And I'm looking forward to boring the snot out of you all with tales and pictures, many of which deal with the very same theme: trying to find healthy food and exercise options while traveling.

London was not on my itinerary this trip, alas, but it is an amazing and wonderful city and a popular travel destination. It's a hell of a lot more likely you're going there someday than Budapest, right?  So Helen's got you covered with some great tips!  And there are many more over at her informative and hilarious website, Health-e-Helen, because she's British and lives and breathes this health and fitness stuff.

If her name sounds familiar, it's because I wrote about her awesome (and cheap) fitness ebook Gymspiration a while back, in a post about a one-question personality test which I stole from her. Plus she's on the blogroll, and I'm hoping some of you remember to click over sometimes when her posts come up.

Anyway, I've been having a grand old time, and I will eventually have lots to share about that when I get back to blogging. Whether that's a promise or a threat is an open question.

So please welcome Helen!--Crabby

When I found out Crabby was needing guest posts I was jumping up and down waving my hand in the air faster than you can say ‘yay, I get to write for my blog idol’. Of course then the doubt set in – what can I write about? What do I know more about than Crabby? What have I done? Can I feign amnesia?........then Crabby gave me the answer herself.

I’m British and on my blog health-e-helen I’d written about a delivery service in London offering low-carb, broccoli bread pizza and Crabby was coveting a slice. The word visit was mentioned. Aha, I thought – if Crabby wants to come to London and eat low-carb pizza so might Crabby’s readers! And they might want to do other healthy stuff too while they’re here. And that I know about. See no longer is London a wasteland for the fit and healthy. Yes, we all still drink like fishes and have slightly wonky teeth but we’re catching up when it comes to the healthy stuff. So , here we have it, The Health-e Guide To Healthy London.

September 02, 2014

Death Ride Grandma Rides Again!


Guest post by Death Ride Grandma

Those of you who are Cranky Fitness regulars already know and admire the awesome "Death Ride Grandma." She has blogged before about getting a late start on her health and fitness journey, and about her desire to conquer the Death Ride, a fearsome athletic feat that Crabby couldn't contemplate taking on no matter HOW many cups of coffee she consumed in order to fuel her fantasies.

So, the Death Ride has again come and gone, and it seemed like a good time for a check in!  How did it go, and are there any lessons to be learned?

Please welcome Death Ride Grandma!--Crabby


Wouldn’t it be great?

Well, this has already appeared in a comment. I have even mentioned one of my ways of trying to keep some perspective on frustrating moments. You know, wouldn’t it be wonderful if that was the worst thing that happened in the world today? Yeah. It would.

But I have to admit. I am pretty annoyed. Okay, I am angry, sad, second-guessing myself, all sorts of stuff I try so hard to avoid by having a good attitude. Right.

Last year Crabby very kindly allowed me to vent here about my almost-complete attempt at the Death Ride. You know, that one I swore I would never do. I’d planned and trained and done everything I could think of, only I didn’t think of just how many calories I would need to finish, so I bonked just eight miles short of the fifth and final summit. Oh, well. Frustrating, sure, but I’d tried, and really, I’d enjoyed a lot of the ride. It is a beautiful setting, and in spite of its name, it is a very friendly crowd. Only a few of the riders are those crazy idiots who yell at you for occupying the lane they want – even if, technically, the law suggests that it is your lane.

Then a friend asked if I would train with her for 2014. Honestly, that was not such a tough decision. I don’t like to acknowledge this, but something in me really wanted, uh, wants, to finish that ride!


August 29, 2014

Goodbye Girls!


Guest Post by Heather Lee

While Crabby continues her travels abroad, this next guest post is by a favorite blog commenter Heather Lee. She also has her own great blog, The Spotted Cat.  Besides being one of the nicest humans on the planet, Heather is a funny gal and quite an inspiration when it comes to getting healthy and fit!

This post deals with a what might be a familiar phenomenon for many women shedding excess weight: unfortunately we can't choose WHERE those pounds are going to drop from first.

So please welcome Heather Lee! --Crabby

For many women, a notable drawback to weight loss is the possible reduction of breast acreage. I’ve known a few ladies who refused to even try because they feared losing their favorite asset. It’s an understandable reaction. Whether your opinion of your girls is “hey, not bad” or “you are magnificent,” the thought of a big change in that area is pretty daunting. But! There is hope! After losing nearly 70 pounds, I feel qualified to offer a little perspective to women worried about changing their measurement ratio. Yes, your gazongas may very well lose a little zong, but I promise it isn’t all bad. To help, let’s look at a few specific worries that might pop up.

August 27, 2014

Half Sick of Shadows

This is another guest post from Genie, yay!  You may remember the previous post about her inspirational fitness journey, and might have been wondering about some of the specifics. So she generously offered to supply a few.

(And where is Crabby McSlacker and why the heck is she so slow in posting any of the great guest posts she's received?

Well, at the moment, Crabby and the Lobster are cruising the Rhine, and while she doesn't expect any sympathy on that front, the internet aboard has been extremely pissy and mean, and it dislikes Crabby in particular and goes into hiding whenever she even LOOKS at her computer.  But she swears she's at least been trying, and every now there's a little window of connectivity which she will attempt to exploit:



But she apologizes for not finding any relevant pictures for this post, and hopes you won't wander away from the blog completely, as there will be more great guest posts coming and even possibly a few trip photos or updates squeezed in). 

Anyway, Genie's story is a great illustration of a Cranky Fitness Fundamental Truth:  the road to health and fitness is not always a smooth one.  In fact, sometimes it feels like a series detours strewn with potholes, broken glass, and roadkill.

So what do you do? Pull over at the first rest stop, scarf up a double cheeseburger and head back home? Or try to keep going?  Well, I'll let Genie fill you in on which approach she takes.

Thanks Genie!
--Crabby


“I am half-sick of shadows” – “The Lady of Shalott” by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Disclaimer: I did some stupid things on my path to fitness that no one should do. EVER. I am no longer a fitness professional and I am not a physician, an exercise physiologist or a physical therapist. The message here isn’t about doing what I did. The moral of the story is at the end so you’ll have to slog through all the drivel to get to it!

So, I had an eating plan, a menu and a well-stocked kitchen. I needed a work-out plan that would get me back into fighting shape. Here’s a secret: I’ve been in fighting shape before. Hell, I was a fitness instructor at one point in my life (Best. Job. Ever!). So I had some information but that was from a time in my life before fat, age and chronic pain caught up with me. I had to make some decisions about how to handle all this.