Skanky Fitness

[By Merry]

No, not that skanky, thankyouverymuch.

Look, if you've come to this blog looking for intelligent, perceptive comments about health and fitness, then please let me direct your attention to Crabby's thoughtful, insightful, and well-written post of day gone by. But that was Crabby. To mis-quote Senator Lloyd Bentsen, "I've met Crabby McSlacker, and Merry's no Crabby McSlacker."

In other words, lower your expectations down a few notches. And your sense common decency as well. That opening photograph was but a mere foreshadowing of skankiness e'en yet undiscovered.

In the interest of looking busy while avoiding housework Being Helpful, I was looking at the search keywords that led people to this site. A lot of people in Finland seem to be looking for fitness porn. Or maybe it was people in Poland. Or Cleveland. Definitely somewhere that ended in 'land' at least.

What are they hoping to find? Hunks in trunks? The Swedish Bikini Beer Team? Pictures of people performing sleazy acts on treadmills? People performing sleazy acts with treadmills? (Hell, I'll believe anything. I stopped being shocked with the story last year of the man who was having an affair with a bicycle.)

Skanky never sounded like a particularly pleasant word to me. It conjures up pictures of a woman who's not overly fussed about details such as hygiene, halitosis, or herpes. But on the positive side, at least people are concerned with fitness!

Clearly there's a need here. I'm not proud. I'll write a post on Skanky Fitness. Crabby always said this place doesn't have standards.

Okay then, listen up. Classy posts have gone the way of the dildo dodo.
This will be worse than Vanilla's pickup lines for runners.
Worse than Crabby's Porn for women.

We're hitting ... um... bottom.*

Hunks in trunks!

These outfits were clearly designed to let you focus on their sexy knees

These hunks in trunks look like they've been doing drugs (but medicinally, so it's okay)

Women in unusual poses on bicycles!

One way to tell if a man's too cheap to buy a tandem...

Women riding bicycles in unusual costumes!

Well, she's not wearing a helmet. That's unusual.

Pole dancing peep shows!

Actually, I think that's rather sweet...

Anyway, is that the sort of thing people are looking for? Do Google keyword search results give a skewed representation of what people are craving when they click on a link labeled "Cranky Fitness"?

Trying to figure out Google searches is enough to create a certain feeling of Crankiness, but it's not doing much for my fitness, so I have to ask. What are you looking for?


*And no, no matter how many jokes there may be in the phrase 'hitting bottom', I absolutely refuse to write a post about Spanky Fitness. No, I'm sorry. Even if the well of inspiration runs dry and lol cats go 404. Ain't happening.

Pole Dancing for Girls: WTF?

So Diet Blog (and probably lots of other fine blogs too) ran a fascinating report recently on a new phenomenon: girls as young as seven taking "pole dancing" classes. (The photo, however, is presumably not of a seven year old unless she is Very Mature for Her Age; it was borrowed from the Pole Dance page of the always informative Wikipedia).

For those who don't watch much TV or frequent strip clubs: pole dancing is what erotic dancers do so they don't have to just walk up on stage, take off their clothes, and stand there naked. In strip clubs, the moves are often quite suggestive--and why wouldn't they be? Men don't go to a strip clubs to sip tea and listen to classical music and discuss existentialism. They go to... appreciate cleverly choreographed dance routines executed by women who happen to be naked.

Now, however, pole dancing has apparently gained popularity among women who are not erotic dancers. Classes are being offered in some of the more adventurous health clubs around the world because lots of female lawyers and cashiers and housewives don't get objectified enough in their daily lives so they secretly yearn to be strippers gymnastic routines performed on a vertical pole can be a great way to build core strength and flexibility.

However, it's not just adult women who are taking these classes; young girls want to join in the fun too.

First off, Crabby feels a bit sleazy herself even writing a post about this--is Pre-Teen Pole Dancing really a "trend" we need to worry about? The story comes all the way from Australia, and there is no evidence that Crunch or Gold's Gym or Curves is out there aggressively leafleting elementary school playgrounds trying to scare up future strippers. Crabby's guess is that a few girls Down Under went to a class or two and a clever reporter sensed the Outrage Potential and ran with it.

But, well, it worked. Crabby saw the headline and felt duly outraged.

Seven year old girls should not be going to classes to learn how to become sexy pretend-strippers.

Even if they're not doing the "adult" moves. Even if the instructors claim that the girls have no way of knowing that "pole dancing" has any other context besides being a wholesome athletic after-school activity.

If they don't know now, they will know soon. How will a little girl who chose Pole Dancing Class instead of Tap Dancing Class feel about her choice in a few years when she finds out what Pole Dancing is really about? Pleased? Embarassed? Neither scenario seems quite desirable. Either she know and its Icky or she doesn't and it's Unfair.

There are a bazillion other athletic activities young girls can engage in to get fit. To send your child to "pole dancing class" and think you can magically erase the context in which this kind of "dancing" came about? This attitude seems naive.

Crabby could go on a whole rant about the sexual objectification of young girls in our culture. (Or of grown women, for that matter. Crabby is still decades behind the times and is uncool enough to wonder where the hell feminism went).

But she'll restrain herself and we'll just stick to Junior Pole Dancing for now.

One of the most interesting things about the Diet Blog post was reading the comments. Crabby thought for sure everyone would agree that this was a Bad Thing, but there were plenty of intelligent comments from those who took a different point of view! They didn't change Crabby's mind, but it made her wonder if she's just being Reflexively Cranky about the issue.

So what do you folks think? Would you send your daughter (or son, for that matter) to Pole Dancing class?