January 26, 2015

Amazon Fire HD 6 Review: Kindle as Fitness Accessory?

By Crabby McSlacker

Did you know Kindle-type tablets can function as a fitness gadget?

I have to confess, before, when I'd think "Kindle" and "workout" I'd just picture a cardio routine so tedious I would have to read something to get through it.  I tend to be a more crazypants engaged exerciser; if I am able to concentrate well enough to read a book while working out, it's usually a clue I need to tweak my routine.

But I belatedly discovered there are fitness apps that one can load onto a Fire tablet that can provide inspiration and information! And you can then take these apps to the gym or schlep 'em along when you travel to bring your workouts with you. As opposed to reading about some revolutionary new routine promising awesome results and then arriving at the gym with no absolutely no recollection whatsoever about what was involved.

Plus, if you also have a Fire Stick Thingy on your TV, you can use your Fire to "fling" things at it.

Here at Cranky Fitness, we find much of what appears on television to be offensive or stupid or insufferable. So we highly approve of flinging things at your TV!

Oh wait... not that kind of flinging?

Sorry!  More on that later.

Anyway, what are some of the pros and cons of using a Fire Tablet for fitness?

January 19, 2015

Whole Foods Haiku

I spend so much time at my local Whole Foods that it had to take its toll on my brain one day. And sure enough, what sort of craziness erupted?

Bad poetry!

I went with the conventional 5-7-5 format for these six haikus.  But I kinda cheated by titling each one.

Beware the Tiny Paper Cups
Earnest sample dude
Offers chia drink. Slimy.
Ack! Never again.

January 12, 2015

Red Mountain Resort Review

For some people, the perfect vacation is all about pure relaxation and indulgence.  But many of us weirdo fitness types want more than that.

We dream of a vacation that includes healthy food options, new or challenging physical activities to try, a casual, tranquil atmosphere, and perhaps most importantly, scenic outdoor spaces to explore.

Yet perhaps some of us are old or spoiled or cranky and maybe we don't freakin' want to go camping any longer in order to explore the great outdoors?

At least not the kind of camping where you sleep on the hard ground (which inevitably slopes unevenly so you end up in a heap at one end of the tent). I'm middle aged. If I need to pee in the middle of the night, I do not want to have to find my way in the freezing cold by flashlight to some creepy smelly campground restroom that is probably infested with spiders and covered in flesh-eating bacteria and surrounded by hungry bears.

Nah, some of us prefer to have our scenic beauty accompanied by massages and maid service and meals prepared by someone other than ourselves.

So, if you're looking for an active healthy vacation, is Red Mountain Resort in Ivins, Utah, the place to find it? We vacationed there for four days as 2014 brought to a close. Red Mountain is often cited as one of the more budget-friendly resort options. (Not that it fits into every budget of course). Being self-indulgent enough to be captivated by the "resort" idea, but also being cheapskates, we were curious what we'd find there.

Note: I was not comped in any way for this review, damn it, so I have absolutely no incentive whatsoever to be diplomatic about what was wonderful and what was not.

January 05, 2015

The Skinny on Skin Removal

skin photo Laura Prado

Guest Post by Jan Bono

Ok, so you probably figured out, even before you got to the byline, that this was a guest post. Skin removal? That's a surgical procedure associated with massive weight loss. And massive weight loss... well, that implies incredible will-power, courage, and persistence.

So, you had to know this was written by someone other than Crabby McSlacker!

But I'm psyched to introduce Jan Bono to you. She's written a book, Back from Obesity, about her weight loss, which I hope you check out.  Her story is pretty damn inspirational.

If you don't believe me, just check out a couple of Jan's "before" and "after" photos.

January 01, 2015

New Year, New You? Let's Kick Ass in 2015!

photo upload via x-ray delta one
By Crabby McSlacker

And yes, I haven't forgotten: this is the post in which the Plus Sized Exercise DVD winners are announced! So please stay tuned; winners names below.

Also, for no reason in particular, this post is illustrated with random weird old album covers. If you are a fan of such things, this is perhaps another reason to suffer through the usual bloggity blah blah blah as I share the strange contents of my brain.

But, you may be wondering: given my reputation for whining, pessimism, and general cantankerousness, why on earth would I be filled with optimism and energy and annoying perkiness as we reach an arbitrary date on the calendar and a new year begins?