October 18, 2017

Processed Snacks and Desserts: What the Hell, Let's Have Some!

 via flickr

By Crabby McSlacker

Are you one of those people who eats only healthy whole foods, having absolutely no desire to consume tasty and convenient items created in some huge factory somewhere, packaged up and shipped thousands of miles away to your very own neighborhood grocery store?

Well, congratulations!

Enjoy that little cute little plate of fresh cut veggies and hummus. Savor that teeny-tiny handful of raw nuts. Arrange those fresh apple slices into a Pinterest-ready photo broadcasting your virtue.

Me? Sometimes I buy processed stuff in boxes and bags and cartons and resealable pouches.

My meals are generally pretty damn healthy, and there are whole food snacks I'll eat too. (Hello, nuts and fruit and a few select veggies). But if I don't have a few good indulgence foods on hand, things I truly love... then I'll soon end up on the Dark Side of the Snacking Street, on the Wrong Side of the Right Track. You know that neighborhood, right? It's where the nachos and the bakery sheet cakes and pepperoni pizza and the Ben & Jerry's all live.

And try as I might, I just can't love a fucking carrot stick no matter what I dip it into.

Yet so many snacks and desserts that are advertised as "healthy" are no such thing. If I weren't an obsessive nutcase, I might not ever have found my current favorites among all the zillions of faux-healthy offerings crowding the grocery store shelves.

So what do I eat?

(Note: No one is paying me anything or offering me anything free for this post. I'm done with that, having discovered that $7 worth of free snack foods is not worth all the angst and procrastination and misery that comes with actually having to write a review on command. These are just things I like, many of which I've mentioned before).

October 10, 2017

Hate Strength Training?


By Crabby McSlacker

Strength training, alas, is still considered a crucial ingredient in the ever-changing recipe for a fit and healthy life.  Omitting this key ingredient is like trying to make meringue with no egg whites--the results may be disappointingly gloppier than you were intending.

But it's not just about looking more buffed or losing weight more easily. There are plenty of important health benefits from strength training that I'm too lazy to list. But trust me, strength training is good for you in ways that cardio is not! You need both.

Of course I realize that many people love weights and hate cardio. To me this is hilarious, like someone saying "no, I'll have to skip that cupcake-tasting party this evening, I've been really looking forward to cleaning up all the accumulated dog shit in our neighborhood."

There's no accounting for taste.

Me, I loathe strength training. Yet I've been doing it pretty damn regularly for over 25 years.

From this you may conclude:

(1) I've figured out a couple of tricks to make it less horrible. And,

(2) I obviously need a few more tricks, or "loathe" wouldn't be the first word to come to mind when I think about lifting weights.

So I'll share of a few of my sneaky motivational tips and maybe some of you have some better ideas?

October 02, 2017

WTF Is Your Problem?


Do you ever feel like the different parts of yourself aren't lining up properly?

In this case, I don't mean anatomically, I mean psychologically. As in: the "smart" part of you is going "I really need to do this Thing, I'll get right on that tomorrow! (ie., exercise/quit smoking/schedule a colonoscopy). And the other part of you, the part that is stupider but is actually in charge of what you end up doing is all "Ha! Like THAT's ever gonna happen!"

Of course, there's always the helpful motivational slogan popularized by Nike, "Just Do It, Asshole." Hmm. I may be remembering that slightly wrong.

But what if you'd really really really really really really rather Just Not Do It?

I've been struggling with a bad case of of the WTFIYP's myself. I asking myself what my problem is... but it's not the right question. It doesn't actually matter what the problem is. It matters what the solution is. What will get me moving again?

So I'm trying a new approach that's really an old approach that I've talked about a million times in different ways. But what the hell, I wasn't doing it, and maybe you're not either.

Since this is a blog called Cranky Fitness, you can probably guess what it is I've been avoiding.

That's right, blogging. (The Fitness thing is less of a problem).

But it occurs to me that the solution I wasn't using before and am now is equally applicable to exercise avoidance, and many other sorts of avoidances as well.

July 24, 2017

When Life Gets Weird

via maxpixel

By Crabby McSlacker

So it looks like it's going to be another summer of Not Blogging Much, which I guess is better than Not Blogging at All.  Because, yeah, life's getting awfully weird and distracting of late. 

But how about I at least make time for a quick update, an epiphany, and a question for y'all?

July 11, 2017

High Tech Tuesday!

Photo download via xray delta one
By Crabby McSlacker

Should we be worried about the impact of so much easily accessible technology on our fragile human brains?

There is much hand-wringing on the subject, and even a little research out there.  Are portable machines turning our minds into mush, screwing with our relationships, infantalizing us, and disconnecting us from reality? Not to mention causing us to walk in front of buses and plunge off piers into large bodies of water?

Maybe! But that's not today's post.

Today I'm just doing a quick lazy show-and-tell about a couple of recent technological finds. One of them I even invented myself!

July 03, 2017

Unsettled

photo:  x-ray delta one
By Crabby McSlacker 

So life has taken a few possibly ominous turns lately.

And while I've been googling the heck out of various health-related issues for my own edification, I'm not really feeling up for taking that research and trying to write anything useful about it.

Oh, and the whole upcoming Fourth of July holiday... not something I'm really itching to blog about. For obvious reasons, I'm not feeling all that patriotic this year. Instead, I hope it's ok if I go a little more stream-of-consciousness with this post.

Maybe I'm a little depressed? Very weird for me. Anxiety is usually more my thing. And sure, there's plenty of that too. But this other feeling, this heaviness, this sense of "not-rightness" ... I gotta say, I don't much care for it. Maybe I'm just not using the right skincare products?

photo swiped from a random ebay ad


June 26, 2017

Simplest, Dumbest Cardio Workout Trick Ever

image credit here
By Crabby McSlacker

So this post features one of those weirdo counter-intuitive motivational hacks that you either: (a) already know or, (b) are going to think sounds totally insane.

It's for those days when you're having a Really Shitty Workout.

I already knew the trick, and have probably already written about it. But guess what? I forgot. And then I remembered again. And it's come in handy a few times recently.

June 20, 2017

Worth 1000 Words?

By Crabby McSlacker

So if a picture is worth a thousand words, and a short video is made up of hundreds of pictures, is a short video worth hundreds of thousands of words? And what if you don't make the video yourself but steal it straight off YouTube?




So yeah, this video, which all of you have probably already seen by now but I hadn't, cracked me up. And it offers a little metaphorical motivational encouragement. (Note: you can turn off the sound if you're at work, you don't really need it).

Are there "stairs" in life that others seem to ascend and descend with no problem, but somehow you just can't seem to get the hang of 'em?  If so, what do you do: find your own awkward way, or avoid them entirely and keep your world just a little smaller? (Personally, I've tried both ways.)

And yeah, it's summer, so as is customary, my blogging activity is getting even more sporadic and superficial than in other seasons. But I'm okay with that. You too may find that summertime offers many more absorbing options besides the interwebs. Beaches, bike trails, festivals, parties, parades, pools, forest paths, foreign lands, ferries, roller coasters, kites to fly, sprinklers to run under, campfires to light, gardens to tend to, hobbies to obsess over, watermelons to eat, and naps to take.

¡Hasta luego!

What kind of fun are you guys planning on having this summer when you're not at work or on the web?

June 13, 2017

The Bilingual Brain: Benefits and Befuddlement

Photo: wikimedia


By Crabby McSlacker

My latest folly: I'm trying to learn a new language. Spanish! Which among other uses, might come in handy for a pair of snowbirds always on the lookout for warmer climates to flee to during winters.

But I did not study Spanish in school, or in any other setting ever. I'm starting from absolute scratch. And yeah, I did spend many years in California, where Spanish is widely spoken. But my brain was completely impervious! None of it ever registered. Even the annoying ad campaign for Taco Bell didn't manage to teach me the meaning of "Yo Quiero Taco Bell." How could "Yo" mean "I" anyway? It should mean you for heaven's sake.

So I'm only a couple of months into it, and I'm well aware that the whole "maybe I could learn Spanish" thing is, in many ways, a stupid idea. It could so easily turn into just another temporary diversion I've taken up and then later abandoned when something else new and shiny comes along.

Plus: I'm 57. I'm already starting to struggle to find words in my first language. Every new Spanish word I try to memorize is just a brand new chance for my brain to say WTF? Where the hell do you think I'm going to put this?

And yet...

June 08, 2017

Let's Hear it for Rationalization!


By Crabby McSlacker

So yeah, I didn't get around to writing a blog post this week, unless you want to try to count this one. Does it make sense that my turning 57 today somehow prevented me from posting something earlier in the week? No, it does not!

It also doesn't make sense that the passing of another year should grant me immunity from the effects of eating gratuitous Evil Things, or consuming potent beverages, or generally doing whatever the hell I want.

Don't f*ck with me on my birthday.
upload from x-ray delta one

I get spoiled on my birthday, by my most awesome wife, who always makes it special. So special the holiday has been officially expanded to two days, and includes both a delicious home cooked meal as well as a dinner out at the restaurant of my choice.  Plus fun things to open.

Yet that doesn't stop me from spoiling myself, too. A massage. A stroll through town with perhaps a stop for coffee or lunch. Some window shopping... or perhaps I'll even make a purchase or two.

upload from x-ray delta one

I do spend a little time reflecting on how lucky I am, and all the things I have to be grateful for, because I'm not a total idiot. But it's mostly about: the hell with responsibilities, what fun thing comes next?

Do I exercise on my birthday? Well, yeah, I'm weird enough that I wouldn't enjoy the day if I didn't do something, but I pick a favorite thing. Right now my favorite thing is to go for a run on a beautiful nearby trail, caffeinated up to the gills, blasting glorious energizing tunes at unsafe volume through my headphones.

(To each her own, you may be thinking.)

Some people would rather have a party.

Can you spot the Party Prankster? (Asshole.)
upload from x-ray delta one

Some might prefer an outdoor cookout.

upload from x-ray delta one 

But what about you guys, what do you like to do on your birthday?  And do you use the occasion as an excuse for some creative rationalization?

May 30, 2017

Lifetrak Zoom HRV Review


By Crabby McSlacker

As a greedy, gadget-obsessed health blogger, I was pretty psyched to get the opportunity to review the Lifetrak Zoom HRV Zoom HRV activity tracker. (And, full disclosure: I got to keep it).

The Zoom measures a wide variety of activity metrics from your wrist (or ankle, or forearm). What you do not need to use the Zoom: a chest strap!

So I've been testing the Zoom out for a couple of weeks in true Crabby McSlacker style: misunderstanding instructions, forgetting to hit "record" to begin or end my workouts, failing to appreciate the nuances, and finding myself too lazy for a comprehensive data comparison with my other activity tracker, the Polar M400.

Yet my lack of reviewing diligence does not, of course, keep me from having opinions.

So what's good and bad about the the Lifetrak Zoom? And who should buy one and who should not?

May 22, 2017

Time to HIIT it?


By Crabby McSlacker

In the last few years, you've probably heard the same unwelcome advice quite a few times: for optimal health, you should be adding some High Intensity Interval Training to your weekly routine.

But all too often, nutrition and exercise research gets overhyped and exaggerated. Just let enough time pass, and other studies can come along to soften or even reverse recommendations that all the excited "experts" were so adamant about.

In the case of something as odious as High Intensity Interval Training? It makes a lot of sense if you've been waiting to be absolutely sure it has merit before jumping on the bandwagon. Especially since you're supposed to be jumping on that bandwagon with such speed and vigor that you may faint, vomit, or burst into tears before you're done.

And what if you're middle aged or older? You may be thinking: don't I get a pass? Hell, I should be getting extra credit for doing any sort of exercise at all, given how sedentary everyone else my age is. Surely I'm not expected to be sprinting up hills, busting out burpees, or pedaling all out on a spin bike until I'm struggling for breath so mightily I can't even toss out a few choice obscentities?

Well, a new study has a little more information to add to the discussion. And of course I have some thoughts to contribute too, since I always have thoughts about everything whether I know what I'm talking about or not.

May 15, 2017

Giveaway Winners and a Happy Belated Mother's Day!



By Crabby McSlacker

So first off, thanks to everyone who stopped by to comment on our book giveaway here at the blog, or on Facebook, or even via direct email, an option a few of you chose. I've assigned y'all numbers and am going to fire up the ol' random number generator in a minute. Isn't it exciting when I do this in Real Time?

Yeah, so ok, I guess if I don't hit "publish" until the whole post is written, you're not reading this yet, so it's more like Surreal Time, but work with me here.

But before I spin the Big Virtual Interweb Roulette Wheel, I just want to acknowledge all the awesome mothers out there, my own and everyone's everywhere including YOU if you fit that description!

I don't have kids myself. Having carefully considered the job responsibilities and remuneration and having concluded "no f#cking way," I have nothing but admiration for all you out there who took the job on, and perform all the daily heroics required to do it properly.

For the record, I think it's shitty you only get one day of recognition.

Hell, today is apparently National Nylon Stocking Day and National Chocolate Chip day. They get the same amount of time you Mom's do?

So let's pretend the fact I'm a day late is really because I'm giving you another additional Mother's day. Round those kids up and tell them to make you another burnt-toast breakfast, and tell Hubby you're eating out again tonight, damn it, because Crabby said it's the new Law.

Anyway, in honor of your extra day,  before we get to the giveaway winners, here are two belated Mother's day-related links:

Are you following Vita Train for Life yet?  She's always a fun and inspiring read, and you may want to check out the Eight Reasons She's Not a Real Parent.

And for the Other Mothers out there, whose children may not be human but are nearly as demanding? Here's a video that already been all over the Web because as usual I'm the last to see these things. But whatever.



Okay, so now let's get down to Giveaway Business.

Who won Elizabeth Babcock's most excellent book Why We Overeat and How to Stop?

May 08, 2017

Why We Overeat and How to Stop: Book Giveaway!

image: clipartfest

By Crabby McSlacker

Does anyone else out there struggle with eating too much, or eating the wrong things, or not feeling sufficiently motivated to exercise?

Even those of us with fancy degrees and initials after our names, who've studied this stuff extensively for decades and know exactly what we should be doing... we often screw it up just as badly as anyone else does.  We may even be in the "healthy weight" range, yet only manage it with much unnecessary angst, inconsistency, martyrdom, acting out, and ill-tempered griping.

So WTF is up with that? Why can't our highly evolved brains save us from self-defeating decisions? And how do we best deal with the seemingly ridiculous problem of not being able to control our own behavior?

Elizabeth Babcock's Why We Overeat and How to Stop isn't a magical solution to overeating. Alas, there is no magical solution. But I think it's as good a book as I've ever read on the subject, and I found myself with many new helpful insights into my cherished but often maladaptive ways. She provided a number of new strategies and practical tips , as well as the motivational boost that comes from taking a fresh look at old assumptions.

Bottom line: I'd highly recommend you buy the book. But heck, you might as well try to win it for free first, right? We've got a physical copy if you like (and are from the U.S.) but also have an (admittedly low-tech) electronic option, so as not to leave out folks who are not from the United States.

So, what's so great about it and why do I recommend it so highly? And how do you win a copy?

May 01, 2017

Mystery Trip!



By Crabby McSlacker

So one might wonder: where the hell did the Crab go? She barely got back to blogging before skipping town yet again, not managing even one meager blog post in the last two weeks. And sorry, this is one of those disjointed rambles accompanied by random photos. Longtime readers may recall this is customary after I come back from a trip having left half my brain cells behind.

Anyway, we actually went to a couple of different destinations...

April 15, 2017

Forest Bathing and Awkward Anniversarys


photopixabay
By Crabby McSlacker

Yep, Today Cranky Fitness is 10 years old.

Holy crap, right? It's hard to believe. How could such a half-assed enterprise have endured an entire decade?

The quick answer is of course: it hasn't. Not really. That's why it's an awkward anniversary. I've taken huge breaks, wandered away, reappeared, disappeared again, and generally gotten shockingly irresponsible about  blogging

But hey... somehow the blog is still here!

So you may have questions: what does the blog anniversary have to do with Forest Bathing? What the hell is forest bathing? And will this post contain any gratuitous nudity?

April 03, 2017

On the Road Again...


 By Crabby McSlacker

Are you ready for a blog post chock full of healthy travel tips, amusing anecdotes, surprising discoveries, inspiring advice, and breathtaking photos of scenery and wildlife?

Oops, sorry! You probably want to type a different URL up there in your search bar. Did you not realize this was Cranky Fitness?

As it happens, I've done some decent "on the road" posts before, both of the "holy crap look how pretty this is" variety, as well as the "here's how to exercise at gas stations even if people think you're a psycho" kind. But we've only got a brief layover on this, our eleven thousandth cross-country schlep, and there's laundry to do and email to catch up on and other miscellaneous shit to take care of while we're not rolling down the road at 75 miles an hour.

But for today, I do have at least a few hiking pictures and one Important Cross Country Road Trip Lesson Learned.

March 28, 2017

Exercise Motivation, The Weird Way

image: flikr

Do you look forward to a strenuous workout?

If so, congratulations! But the rest of what follows may seem like incomprehensible gibberish to you. If you don't need to twist your brain into pretzel-like configurations in order to motivate yourself to exercise: you are free to resume websurfing. Enjoy a few more videos of rhinos cuddling with meekrats, or watch with terrified fascination as the next Trumpian plans for the apocalypse are announced. Google up a tasty gluten-free avocado brownie recipe! Or hell, go out and run a marathon and follow it up with a nice little nap.

There all sorts of healthy ways to motivate to exercise! I've talked a lot about exercise motivation and demotivation and remotivation over the years, and will doubtlessly yammer on for years to come. I have all kinds of healthy motivational tricks that I'm not embarrassed to share, and these are a large part of my aresenal.

But there is also a seamy back-alley of exercise will-power, and I have some other secrets you don't see mentioned in respectable publications. Yet for some of us, these are a real help in keeping us consistent throughout the years, yielding the numerous physical and emotional benefits that sedentary people do not get to enjoy.

Just what the heck am I talking about?

March 20, 2017

High Heels: WTF, Ladies?

image: maxpixel

By Crabby McSlacker

There are some ways in which I definitely have a girl brain, not a boy brain. But in other ways, I am a dude. I sometimes find my own gender to be an alien species, incomprehensible in its motivations and reasoning and habits. 

(For a more complete elucidation of my cluelessness about female behavior, I wrote a much longer post years ago about Women and the Quest for Beauty. Like so many ancient Cranky Fitness posts, it lingers undisturbed in the archives, gathering dust and long forgotten, yet it's better than the stuff I write now. Which makes me a little sad. Though not sad enough, apparently, to devote more time to current blog efforts). 

Anyway, this is just a brief and pissy rant on a small subject of the topic: high heeled shoes. And since so many of you wear them, either grudgingly or enthusiastically, I'd love to hear your vocal defense of your choices in the comments. 

But let me get you good and riled first!

March 13, 2017

Your First Colonoscopy! What to Expect

Whee! Time for a Tube Up Your Tuchus!

By Crabby McSlacker

So, some perspective here: for people with serious illnesses who've been through hardcore, painful, debilitating, invasive medical procedures? A colonoscopy is probably child's play. (Although let's be clear, that's just an expression. If your child actually plays this way? We need to talk).

But for most people, there's at least a little trepidation. And for many, if statistics are to be believed, that fear is significant enough to skip the procedure entirely! Well sure, it could save your life and all, but really? Do you have to?

There are actually some alternative colon cancer screening methods. But since I didn't get to use one of them myself, discussion of these will be brief, and possibly a little bitter.

I've had a couple of  colonoscopies now. (And an additional bowel prep due to my hysterectomy.) My second colonoscopy was just a few days ago and the memories are still fresh. So I'm thinking it's time to share some info and observations and tips?  This is after all, a health blog, although with recent posts on tattoos and winter travel, it's easy to miss that part.

Here's the thing: for some people the whole colonoscopy thing is a breeze. For a very few unlucky folks: it's horrible. For most people I know, myself included: the procedure and the prep are somewhere in the middle. Decidedly unpleasant but not intolerable.

But being a whiner myself, I get tired of all those public-spirited accounts of the colonoscopy process that make it sound entirely innocuous in order to get you to go ahead and get yours. I'm not going to lie to you just to make sure you go do it. You need to and you will be really glad you did it! But it's not exactly fun. Here's at least one chronic complainer's take on what's involved.

And for those of you who have already joined this exclusive club? I'll be curious if your experience was similar or if there are all kinds of different colonoscopy experiences.

Warning: due to mature and disgusting subject matter, reader discretion is advised.

March 06, 2017

Should You Get a Tattoo? The Great Tattoo Experiment


By Crabby McSlacker

You don't generally "experiment" with getting a tattoo. That's what makes getting one such a badass thing to do. Whether you're rational and level-headed when that needle hits your arm, or whether you're insensibly infatuated with a new romantic partner, drunk off your ass, bitter about some undeserved setback, or just feeling full of life and tired of being so "sensible" all the time, it doesn't matter: you just signed up for a lifelong commitment. (Or an expensive and painful removal process).

Holy crap, right? That's why I've always admired the courage of people with tattoos. Like the fabulously unapologetic Mizfit Carla!

Is it true that I also sometimes feel a little worried for some of those tattooed folks, depending on their particular choices and my level of optimism that day?

You betcha.

I consider myself a rational, even cautious sort of person, yet I've been tempted to get a tattoo for quite a while now. The urge has been growing even stronger in these fraught times, when self-expression feels so vital.

So, what did I recently run out and do?

February 27, 2017

Is Winter Actually the BEST Time to Train Outdoors?


Guest Post by Lisa Green with Intro by Crabby McSlacker

You see the happy face of the winter exerciser pictured above? That's your first clue Crabby McSlacker didn't write this post.  She is a cowardly snowbird who flees to warmer climates when it gets cold. And she figured a winter picture of her exercising while holding a pina colada on a beach lined with palm trees might not be all that motivating to people in more northerly climates. (Though hell, with this winter's weird weather, you too may be donning your swimsuits and reaching for tropical cocktails).

But guess what? It turns out outdoor cold-weather exercising comes with some side benefits you may not know about. This might be way more helpful to your motivation during sucky winter weather than anything Crabby might suggest.

Lisa Green writes for Gym Person where you can find useful training tips and resources. But never fear, Crabby will be back either later this week or early next week, you never know with her. See you soon! --Crabby

You can’t be blamed for wanting to ride out the winter season and get back in shape come spring. Or maybe you are even that kind of person that regardless of season prefers to workout at home rather than outdoors.

Regardless of how or where you like to train, you would be wasting an incredible opportunity if you let the winter slip away.

For people willing to brave the elements during the winter months; the cold temperatures and low humidity can turbo-charge your training and torch body fat to give you a beach-ready body in time for summer.

Keep reading to learn all the benefits of cold weather workouts!

February 21, 2017

The Snowbird Lifestyle: Healthy Anti-Aging Solution or Horrifying Misadventure?

photo: wikimedia

By Crabby McSlacker

So what's a snowbird? (Besides, apparently, a ski resort in Utah?)

I'll offer one definition of a snowbird: a species of silver-crested North American, usually of advancing years, that migrates annually for the winter from colder northern climates to warmer southern ones. Best known for upsetting local ecosystems and annoying year-round inhabitants.

Regular readers may be aware that my wife (aka "The Lobster") and I are a couple of those dreaded snowbirds. Yet: we are not all that old. Nor, we hope, are we all that annoying.

And it's not just us: Snowbirds seem to be getting younger. Maybe it's because more jobs are going virtual and it's not just for retirement anymore? Or it might be because new options that didn't exist 10 or 20 years ago can make it way more affordable and practical than it used to be.

(Note: I'm talking about "snowbirding" because that's what people google the most common sort of seasonal migration. But this applies to other extended getaways too, like fleeing a torrid climate during summers, or spending months abroad every year in a country that's cheap and culturally enriching, or whatever.)

So if you're curious about the Snowbird lifestyle, either because it sounds vaguely appealing, or alternatively, because it sounds so hideously disruptive that reveling in the details will make you smugly grateful that you live only in one place like a normal person--some thoughts below.

February 13, 2017

Pono Board Review (and Discount)


By Crabby McSlacker

What exactly is a Pono Board? Do you surf on it? Fling it? Predict the future by letting ancient Hawaiian spirits telepathically move aqua-colored balls around on its sleek wooden surface until your destiny is revealed?

Nope, it's none of these things. A Pono Board is a kinder, gentler balance board that can be used to add a bit of instability to various exercises in a way that is mercifully unlikely to send you sprawling on your face in an ignominious heap of kluzitude.

Ta da!

According to The Pono People, it was designed to feel like a beach workout, actively engaging the core, but not too difficult.

But that's not why I eagerly agreed to acquire and review a springy thingy of my very own. (Disclaimer: I didn't pay for it). What was the reason?

The Pono Board is also designed to function as a stand-up desk accessory, yay!

Here's some more info and a verdict on how I like my Pono Board.

February 06, 2017

Can Recreational Marijuana Be Part of a Healthy Lifestyle?

image: vintagestock
By Crabby McSlacker

More states may be legalizing cannabis, but recreational use is still considered pretty controversial.

Getting "high" on purpose, not as a side effect of medicinal use? Many people see that as wicked or sinful. And even more folks dismiss it as silly, weak, reckless, or immature. We're all well-acquainted with the stereotype, right? The lazy, bumbling, airheaded stoner, escaping real life in a cloud of smelly smoke, becoming more moronic and demotivated with every hit.

So how could something that can make a person appear so dimwitted and dysfunctional possibly be considered perfectly acceptable, let alone healthy?

And yet I'm taking a mostly enthusiastic pro-marijuana stance! With of course a bunch of caveats and qualifications.

Street light vandalism in Bogotá, Colombia


Because yeah, I know how seriously people are going to take opinions about reefer from someone who blogs as "Crabby McSlacker."

January 30, 2017

Flotation Tanks: Should You Give One a Try?

photo: wikipedia

By Crabby McSlacker

So recently I spent an hour in a flotation tank. Or, as they're also known, an isolation tank, or sensory deprivation tank. Given the current state of the world, we could all use some sort of complete break from reality, right?

Or hell, if I wanted to be even more cumbersome about it (and not leave any potential googlers out), I could also say: I undertook some "restricted environmental stimulation therapy," or a "flotation REST."

Yep: I lay there naked in the dark, closed off in a little heated box, suspended in a solution of epsom salts designed induce an extreme state of relaxation and make my arms and legs and everything else melt away, leaving nothing but a state of pure Crabby consciousness.

Why would I do such a thing? What was it like? Did I freak out? Did I see God? Would I do it again? Do I have any advice for how to prepare?

Answers to these and other questions no one has cared to ask me below!

January 26, 2017

Extremely Brief Q & A

image: flickr

By Crabby McSlacker

Q:  There has been no blog post at Cranky Fitness this week, does this mean Crabby has wandered away again? 

A: No! There will be a new post on Monday. Crabby is just slow that way.

Q: Why is this even a post? Does Crabby think anyone gives a crap if she posts on her silly little blog every week?

A: Intellectually she understands that no one does. But her brain works strangely. By posting something saying she is not posting, she feels way better about it.

(Thanks all, see ya Monday! --Crabby). 

January 16, 2017

Resistance Training: Some Helpful Resources

image: pixabay

By Crabby McSlacker

So yeah, wary Cranky Fitness readers may be wondering, which kind of "resistance" are we talking about here?

The kind that has you flexing your quads and glutes and lats and pecs? Or the kind that has you gathering in the streets and haranguing politicians and otherwise causing a ruckus?

The answer is: both!

January 10, 2017

What's the Catch? Barramundi: Go Buy Some Damnit

By Crabby McSlacker

Tired of long-ass blog posts that take forever to get to the point?  Well hey, it's a new year, and mixing things up is good, so I thought I'd try something different for a change: succinctness!

So here are your five most important takeaways about barramundi, I fish I have come to love, brought to you with 95% less meandering.

1. Barramundi is a safe and extremely nutritious protein source, with a hefty dose of the good kind of fat, omega 3. (Unlike Tilapia which is annoyingly popular despite being a really crappy choice nutritionally). It also has other good fish nutrients like vitamin D and potassium. Unlike some farmed fishies, the barramudi (barramundies?) don't get pumped up with hormones, colorants, or antibiotics, plus they have no detectable mercury, PCBs, or other contaminants. Yay!

January 01, 2017

Keeping Healthy New Year's Resolutions: Five Tips!


image found here, where you can actually purchase them.

By Crabby McSlacker

Okay, first some reassurance: that's a visual pun up there, not a how-to photo. I'm not suggesting you sever any fingertips in order to make your New Year's resolutions easier to keep. Although come to think of it, I'd reach for far fewer Sees candies if I...

No. I'm kidding. Let me go on record as Not in Favor of Digital Amputation as a Weight Loss Aid. In these increasingly imbecilic times, one can't take anything for granted.

Anyway, the usual caveats:




So, are we ready?