Dear Cranky Fitness,
My exercise partner has lost interest. Every time I bring my leash over and wag my tail, she makes some feeble excuse about needing caffeine, a nap, or something called "catching up on my email." I don't want to trade her in for a newer model; it took long enough to get this human trained. How can I convince her to get out in the fresh air with me more often?
Woman's Best Exercise Partner
Clearly some work needs to be done. Have you tried making sure your e.p. doesn't spend her evenings out carousing with other humans instead of turning around three times and lying down at a reasonable hour? In the morning, accidentally wagging the tail a bit too enthusiastically when she's sipping the last drop of coffee in the house might result in a quick sprint to a Starbucks.
Dear Cranky Fitness,
Could you possibly loan me a few million dollars? I could lose weight so easily if I could concentrate on cooking healthy meals and working out 13 hours a day like a super-celebrity. As it is, I have to go to work five days a week, and I come home tired, grumpy, and ready for a Happy Meal in front of the T.V. In the interest of fitness, could I borrow some $? Failing that, got any better ideas?
I. B. Draggin
No problem! Would you take a check? Hope you don't mind that it's post-dated to January 2024.* (We have to go out and write the best-selling Cranky Fitness Code first. And find a publisher. And bribe Dan Brown so he doesn't sue us for plagiarism. Details.)
While we're waiting for the check to clear, have you considered cooking food on the weekend and storing it in cute little containers? This would also encourage you to bring food from home, which saves you from the urge to splurge on Scottish cuisine. Saving money on food will help you pay the bill for your gym membership. Trust us, sitting on the couch watching reality shows is nothing compared to going to the gym and watching reality.
What would you do if you had a recalcitrant exercise partner or an addiction to junk food and T.V.?
*We've been informed by the Cranky Fitness Legal Department that post-dating a check doesn't stop the bank from cashing it anyway. Hope you don't mind if we just move the decimal point on that check over a bit. (No, in the other direction.)
Have a health or fitness question? Then send it to CrabbyMcSlacker at gmail dot com and we'll do our best to provide an answer. (Not necessarily a 'good' answer, but certainly an original one.)