Emergency Exit

Please do not be alarmed: this is a test of our Emergency Product Review Broadcasting system.

I repeat, this is only a test. There is an actual post hiding here behind the "read more" below about reducing one's sugar/Splenda/whatever intake.

However, to reach this post you must click on a link. And then, warning: things may start to get weird.

If this were an actual Product Review Emergency, we would be sending you away from Cranky Fitness because we'd otherwise be violating Blogher's rules by posting a review here.

This post does not actually violate those guidelines, which is why it is Only A Test.

Soon, however, we anticipate a genuine product review emergency! We will be doing a review and a giveaway of an awesome-sounding, high-value product that we think you will be excited about having a chance to win. What's the emergency? Well, we wanted to keep one ourselves! We couldn't do that without sending you away to our new, slightly uglier, product review page. In the future, we will hope to score more cool free stuff give you helpful information about other products by conducting extensive testing in our Cranky Fitness Laboratory.



Today, however, it's just a test post about sweetener. But please let us know if anything weird happens when you go to the new page to read more!

Office workers can get skin cancer?

If you live in the Pacific Northwest, at this time of year the sun coming out behind the clouds is a Big Deal. People stop talking and stare in disbelief. They find sudden, unconvincing excuses to get outside.




Me, being a virtuous little worker bee, I try to keep typing while I hitch my chair a bit closer to the window in an attempt to soak up some rays. Turns out that's a bad idea. Who knew?

When the temperature is hovering around freezing, it's hard to go outside without wrapping self in layers and layers of clothing.

If the point of going outside is to soak up rays, this presents a problem. But it's even worse trying to get sunshine through glass.


It seems that's dangerous.


Unfair! I want to complain.

Here's the prob:
UVA = the bad stuff, the stuff you're supposed to put on sunscreen to
get away from.
UVB = the rays that cause skin to make vitamin D.

UVB rays are absorbed by plain ole glass.
UVA rays are transmitted just fine.

So sitting by the window soaking up rays can be a bad idea.

According to Dr. Mirkin, "since 1940 the greatest increase in melanomas has occurred in office workers, not in people who work outdoors. FDA researchers believe that low vitamin D levels may be responsible (Medical Hypothesis, January 2009)... Indoor office workers get up to nine times less UVB than people who spend more time outdoors.... So being indoors and exposing skin to the sun mostly through window glass reduces exposure to UVB that causes skin to make the vitamin D that prevents cancer, and increases relative exposure to UVA that destroys vitamin D in the skin and therefore increases cancer risk."

Well damn! A winter like this one, any sunny day that comes along has me glued to the window drinking in the sunshine without going outside and shivering me timbers off.

And even getting outdoors doesn't always help you get vitamin D at this time o' year. If you believe this study, above a certain latitude (52 degrees north) in winter, there "is not enough ultraviolet light of the appropriate wavelength for the body to make vitamin D on the skin." 52 degrees north translates roughly to cities such as Calgary or Birmingham. (No, not the one in Alabama.)

Put this one into the One More Thing to Worry About category. I was hoping I could find a study that proved using sun lamps let your body make vitamin D, but alas. So I'm turning to fish instead. Specifically herring. (Milk? Don't talk to me about milk. Okay, mostly because it makes me sick. But also, consider this: 3 ounces of herring would get you 1383 IU of vitamin D, while 8 ounces of fortified milk has 100 IU of vitamin D. Plus, herring is high in omega 3s. Take that, milk.)

Do you have any other ideas for getting sunshine/vitamin D/an early spring? Preferably ones that don't involve robbing a bank and hijacking a plane to Maui.

Photo credit: D'Arcy Norman

Well... unless it's a foolproof plan.




Non-Maui photos courtesy of substack.

Ick, I see so dirty!!!

We are very, very grateful when people link to Cranky Fitness posts! And we certainly don't mind at all when folks quote a paragraph or two. But every now and then I come across an unauthorized use of one of our posts, where someone copies the whole thing and pretends they wrote it.

I confess, this bugs me--because strangely enough, the half-assed posts I write still take time. I hate the idea of other people stealing my stuff and making money off of it, when I can't seem to figure out how to make money off it myself.

But then sometimes I just have to laugh.

I won't link to the source, but I have to share with all of you a post I came across earlier this week. Though written by "Sebastin" it sounded strangely familiar... yes, it seems to have started off as my "One Rule for a Flat Stomach" post.

The post appeared on what looked like a normal English-language health blog with a professional, if unremarkable, layout. It was accompanied by the same stock photo (above) of the orangey shirtless guy that I used. Yet the post seems to have taken some strange turns since I last read it... I'm pretty sure this not quite the exact phrasing I used, is it?

One Rule for a Flat Stomach!
By Sebastin

Really, there’s meet digit rule?

And if we study it, we crapper every hit a insipid stomach?

You’ve seen the ads every over the internet. They’re almost, but not quite as galling as the blackamoor with the fakest hunting wrinkles ever in the story of imitation wrinkles, who gets her grappling magically erased, over and over and over again. (God I HATE THAT AD!!!)


(It's true, I do HATE that ad, and who wouldn't? Blackamoors with fake hunting wrinkles get awfully tiresome. But: "We crapper every hit?" What does that even mean? It sounds messy!)

But wait, it gets better...

At small the “1 Rule” ad doesn’t commonly become with a picture, but it’s ease every over the place. It says there’s 1 conception for a insipid stomach, and you staleness Obey it. If you do, you module retrograde digit blow a day, or squad pounds in digit weeks, or 45 pounds in 12 weeks. Whatever. Bottom line: you’ll drop buckets of intumesce fruitful in no instance flat.


(Well that sounds kind of nifty! I'd love to lose buckets of my fruitful intumesce, though I'm not sure it's all worth it for an insipid stomach).

Just digit ultimate rule! Do you undergo what it is? Seems same if it was that powerful, we’d every hit heard most from other, more honored sources. But still… what could they be referring to? Could there rattling be whatever ultimate generalisation we’ve every been overlooking?


(Ooh, there's an ultimate generalization? I wish I knew which one it is. It would be so nice to have just one generalization to deal with every situation. Wait, I got it... is it... "Shit Happens?")

So improve your hands… (Virtually, that is–unless you poverty the folks at impact hunting at you funny). How whatever of you smart, educated, sophisticated, health-conscious, perspicacious Cranky Fitness readers meet couldn’t support yourself and eventually had to utter on the unification to encounter discover the One Rule?

(Oh dear. Readers, if you do decide to virtually improve your hands, or to utter on the unification--be careful! Watch out for those impact-hunting folks; they sound very dangerous.)

I did.


After dedication to myself, over and over,

(Now that just sounds like TMI. I swear, I am NOT dedicating to myself over and over, and if I were, I certainly wouldn't be blogging about it).

that I would not permit peculiarity intend the meliorate of me and beam reciprocation (and thus, money) to whatever sleazy entity no uncertainty lurked behindhand the come-ons, I eventually couldn’t support it.

(Actually, I know I wouldn't have said this. We at Cranky Fitness permit peculiarity, in fact, we are all in favor of it! Especially if it's intended to meliorate us. And please feel free to beam reciprocation at us, we like that!)

So you poverty to undergo what the info is? As a open service, Cranky Fitness module verify you, so you crapper refrain dirtying yourself by clicking on whatever of these slippy ads.


(Again with the crapper? The Cranky Fitness module is getting annoyed with all this slippy toilet talk. We may close the service to verify you if you don't stop saying "crapper" all the time.)

Hi Anna! Hi Pam! Hi Brook!

Here’s what happens when you utter on the “1 rule” ad: you commonly modify up at someone’s journal or scheme page. There you encounter discover the secret, which we module today reveal.

(Now I know exactly how it feels to have my scheme page modified up, and I gotta say I don't like it much.)

The info is purchase the correct compounding of coefficient expiration products. The queer abstract is, the products change, so the “1 rule” is rattling “many rules!” Sometimes it is an acai berry abstract and a colon cleanser. Sometimes it Wu Yi, or a occult fruitful executing foodstuff titled Slim 365. Do these products work? Well, they must, right, meet countenance at the photographic evidence!

(With all this "queer abstract" and "fruitful occult" stuff, how am I ever going to convince readers this is really a health blog and not a gay blog?)



Hey, Varla Jean, you're really not helping here...

Photographic Proof the One Rule Is Totally Awesome and Effective

What more do you need? Here is a represent of Pam Burgess, from Burlingame, California. She has 2 kids and a wonderful husband. She forfeited 45 pounds using a compounding of digit liberated effort products she saw on TV! Here is a represent of her in July and added digit threesome months later.

(Oh my. Now that we're getting into threesomes and liberated digits, I think I'll have to cut this short.)

It goes on, but I'll just leave you with the last line:

Ick, I see so dirty!!!

So does anyone have a guess about what the deal is with this? A translation gone bad? (English to Martian back to English?) Some sort of keyword-swapping search engine scam? Or maybe I was just hallucinating on acai berries when I wrote the post?

People for Ethical Relationships with Vegetables

Holy crap.

The other day, I found myself agreeing with something Bill O'Reilly said.

In case you don't know him, Bill O'Reilly is a guy on American television. Talks a lot, in a loud angry voice. I'm not sure what he actually talks about, because as soon as he starts yelling (i.e. whenever his mouth is open) I switch channels. I think he participates in stirring intellectual debates yells about political subjects.

In case you don't know me, I (Merry) am neither male, loud, nor given to appearing on television.

What brought the two of us into agreement was an ad that PETA had tried to get played during the Super Bowl. (And how weird is it that some people now watch this sports contest solely for the ads?)


The ad features scantily clad models posing suggestively with vegetables and no, I don't mean people in a coma. NSFW, but might be useful at home if you want to turn your own cheeseburger-munching Homer Simpson into a veggie-lovin' Hugh Jackman.

NBC rejected the ad, called "Veggie Love," because it "depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards."

I hope posting this video hasn't caused a horde of Cranky Fitness readers to storm off in a Huffington post. The video strikes me as more silly than salacious, but it's certainly gotten a lot of coverage. (More coverage than those poor models had; really, the thermal-insulation properties of black lace have been seriously overestimated.)

If you'd prefer a PG-version, this is Whoopi Goldberg's safe-for-television re-enactment.

I've decided that I should start a movement, and invite Mr. O'Reilly to join. All I can think of to call it is People for Ethical Relationships with Vegetables. (Yes, I realize the abbreviation of the name might cause some people to look askance, but I figure most of the askance-looking people already stormed off in the previous paragraph.)

What Bill O'Reilly actually said that struck me as profound was the following comment: "I'm not touching that vegetable! I don't know where it's been!"

Whether you fall into the Liberal, Conservative, or Confused category politically, I think you should listen to the man on this one.

If a vegetable is labeled organic, that means (according to the USDA) that it's been grown with the minimal amount of pesticides.

The good news is, not all organic vegetables were created equal. Some vegetables, it doesn't matter so much if they were raised around pesticides, because they don't absorb them (the pesticides) as much and therefore you don't ingest them either.

This chart lists the vegetables that you really want to buy organic and the ones that it's okay to buy from a regular source.

Since organic vegetables = more $$ than your average vegetables, following this chart is a way to save money while staying healthy.

And what you choose to do with those vegetables, in the privacy of your own home, is none of my business. Frankly, I'd rather not know. No, really.

P.S. Here are the commercials that actually made it to the Super Bowl.

P.P.S. I don't suppose you can think up a better name for my new vegetable-respecting movement?

Berry Good News

Remember how last week I was bummed because a new study said cooked broccoli delivers only one tenth the awesome antioxidant goodness that raw broccoli does? And I was all mopey because I hate raw broccoli?

Well, the Nutrition Gods must have heard my whining and felt sorry for me, because shortly thereafter they sent me new research saying: stuff I'm already eating is good for me in ways I didn't know about! Hooray! That's my very favorite kind of research.


So what was the good news about berries?

Whoops! Broccoli Digression

But wait--before I get to the berries, here's an update on the raw broccoli situation. As it happened, there was a happy ending.

Those of you who read the blog regularly know that I am Certified Crackpot when it comes to antioxidants and other micronutrients. I harbor the delusion that if I eat a large variety of these things I will never, ever die. So after hearing that the kind of broccoli I liked was lame and would not make me live forever, I was distraught.

But help arrived!

In the comment section to the raw broccoli post, DragonMama (who also goes by Naomi) suggested that I try "broccoli slaw." I hadn't even heard of it, but sure enough, I went to the "we're going to charge you up the wazoo 'cause it's already washed and chopped" section of the produce department, and there was a big 'ol bag of the stuff.

I confess I was skeptical. Broccoli slaw is presumably made from broccoli. How could it not taste vile?

But it doesn't!

Sure, it took a little dressing to make it tasty (which could have theoretically been a healthy home-made dressing with no sugar and only good fats; let's just pretend it was, shall we?) Anyway, I mixed a little dressing in and it worked! Now if I can remember to keep a package of this stuff handy, I can live to be 1,000 without having to choke down any nasty little raw broccoli florets. Thanks, Dragonmama!

All right, that's enough about the damn broccoli.


Berries Don't Have to Be Blue


So we already know berries are good for us in general sorts of ways, but it's always nice to hear the specifics. And the New York Times has great things to say recently about berries as cancer-fighters.

Now I always thought blueberries were supposed to be cancer-fighters, but it turns out while they may be awesome for your memory, other berries are more potent cancer-fighters. In particular, black raspberries seem to be where it's at. And the kinds of cancers they seem good at preventing are oral, esophageal and colon cancers.

One problem: what the hell is a black raspberry? I like raspberries; I like blackberries; I'm guessing I'd like a black raspberries too but I can't say I've ever met one. There's nothing like reading a study that says: oh you must eat this wonderful fruit that is so good for you and isn't available anywhere you shop!

However, there are other berries that scientists seem to think are promising in the anti-cancer department, like red raspberries, blackberries, strawberries, and elderberries. And it appears from rat studies that "a concentrated powder of black raspberry anthocyanins" worked just as well for slowing tumor growth in rodents as the real berries did. Rats who got whole berries or anthocyanin powder developed 50 percent fewer esophageal tumors compared to untreated rats.

The article conceded that berries can be expensive. It's rare that an article in the New York Times ever goes to the grocery store and finds out the price of things it tells you to eat, so kudos to this one for admitting that berries are pricey. Oh, and apparently you also need to eat a hundred thousand tons a pound of berries a day to get as much as the rats did in the study.

However, a cheerful cancer prevention researcher named Gary D. Stoner, (and I won't make fun of his name, that would be so immature),

(Ok, so I lied)

suggested buying frozen berries, because they are available year round and often are cheaper than fresh berries. Which is great, because as it happens, frozen berries are a key ingredient in Crabby McSlacker's Easiest Smoothie Recipe ever! Also, for you supplement-buying sorts (I rarely go this route, because I'm cheap) there are apparently concentrated berry powders available in health food stores.

"We think for the average American, probably the consumption of three to four helpings of berries every week is a good thing," said Stoner. "We know berries have so many effects on processes related to cancer development. They are one of the food stuffs you probably should consider consuming every day, or at least a few times a week."

And unlike raw broccoli, berries of any color actually taste good!

Don't have any strong feelings about broccoli slaw or berries? Well, how was your weekend? Did you watch the Superbowl?