November 03, 2008

Gay Marriage: Still Too Scary?

So Crabby and her long-time partner the Lobster got married this past weekend, in Provincetown Massachusetts. It's one of the few places in the U.S. where same sex marriage is legal.

Forgive us for not inviting you all, but it was a small private ceremony. I can at least, however, share some of the shocking, lurid details.

Oh wait, sorry--there weren't any shocking, lurid details.

We've been together almost 18 years, and we've now had three "weddings" and two domestic partner registrations in an attempt to make our relationship count under the law. (We were actually even legally married for a few days in San Francisco back in 2004, thanks to Mayor Gavin Newsom. That was fun! But that got shot down fast, and we left the state before the California Supreme Court decided to give gay couples another go at it).

So having done the whole wedding thing several times before, we didn't even drag our families out here for the ceremony. It was held in our living room with just a few close friends, a Justice of the Peace, and the cat, who seemed to enjoy making all the allergic people sniffle and sneeze. But however low-key the celebration, we felt like we should do something--it just didn't seem right to leave Massachusetts for the winter without taking advantage of the chance to finally get legally married under state law.

Given how hard folks are fighting for this simple right, it would be lovely to shout from the rooftops "Hooray, Finally, We're Equal!" But, unfortunately, we're still not. Most of the financial benefits one gets from marriage are federal. (Especially if you're in a relationship where one person earns a lot more that the other. You pay lot more in taxes if you can't file jointly).

Why does the federal government get to ignore legal state gay marriages? I have no idea. But according to the IRS and the Social Security people, etc, we're still complete strangers to one another. Our legal marriage doesn't count like a straight marriage does.

Also, despite the panic among the religious right, it's not exactly like gay marriage has taken the states by storm. Most states have gone out of the way to make sure it never happens by amending their constitutions. And while today there are three states where it's legal (Massachusetts, Connecticut, and California), tomorrow we may lose California because of Proposition 8. (Arrrgggh!)

Yet there's always hope. And every day, happy hopeful gay couples like us keep trying to get married. And that apparently scares the heck out of a lot of people.

Batten the hatches! Bar the door! Hide the kids under the bed! Grab the shotgun, because the gays are gettin' married and you know what's gonna happen next...

Er, what is gonna happen next?

I mean, what's the "scary" thing so many people are worried about? I never get that part.

(I suspect most Cranky Fitness readers are not all that frightened, but some may be. And we do get drop-in googlers who may be even be looking for "gay marriage" just to get themselves all riled.)

Truly, we swear we will not try to mess with your commitment to your own marriage and your own family. We will not encourage you to divorce your spouse or abandon your kids. We will not go door to door throughout your neighborhoods, trying to entice you to join us in our "alternative" lifestyle--which, by the way, pretty much looks exactly like your lifestyle, except that we always leave the toilet seat down and we sometimes borrow one another's shoes.

Why do folks need to deny rights to others in order to honor their own? That seems kinda, well... selfish.

Heck, you can still think of your marriage as more "special" if that makes you feel good. In fact, I think everyone should feel like their own marriage is the most special ever in the history of the entire world.

Perhaps I should let Ellen Degeneres say a few words, because she's much better at this than I am. (The video below is in response to Sarah Palin; Ellen has also added her voice to those speaking out against Prop 8 in California.)

'Cause you know what? Honestly, I'm getting a little tired of folks insisting that their own particular religious rules should control what everyone else around them gets to do.

One thing I love about this country is that we acknowledge that not everyone has the same religious beliefs. It would not work nearly as well if we had to pick just one religion and all live by it, right?

I think it's great that we all get to choose: you can eat pork or not eat pork; you can wear head-scarves or yarmulkes or tiaras. You can drink or abstain; you can go to church on Sunday or stay home and watch football. And now, in a few places, you can get gay-married or not get gay-married!

(Although if you are heterosexual and want to show your support, you don't need to run out and get gay-married yourself. Yes, it may seem like a nice gesture, but really, it's not necessary. We gay folks really appreciate your votes and your donations and all the other support you've been giving to fight discrimination. Please, feel free to keep getting straight-married if that suits you better!)

So, to be serious again for a moment: I know how lucky I am. I found the most generous, funny, compassionate, principled, clever, playful, determined, talented, joyful, patient, all-around amazing person in the world to spend my life with. And I wish everyone that same wonderful experience! Love and commitment should not be rationed out only to special, privileged people. The world needs more love, not less.

If you've made it this far, thanks for hanging in there! I know this is off-topic for a health and fitness blog, and I also know my opinions may seriously piss some of you off.

So the Lobster and I will be heading off soon for our cross country trip, but I'll be popping onto the internet whenever I can. Merry will still be here, and we have some great guest posts lined up. See y'all soon... and don't forget to vote tomorrow if you haven't already!


  1. woo hoo!

    and I was entire there in spirit!

    that big wind blowing through yer collective hairs? The Tornado and I descending up on you.

    scary? jamie lynn spears.

    not so scary? crab and lobster love.

    xo xo,


  2. Congratulations! That's wonderful, happy news for a Monday morning!

    Thanks for enlightening me about the federal government not recognizing your marriage. I didn't know that, but now that I do, I'm really not surprised. Obviously, we still have a long way to go for marriage equality, and hopefully CA will continue to pave the way by voting no on 8!

  3. Mega-congrats to the two of you!!

    Love is a beautiful thing!!

  4. The thing that impresses me most in your relationship with The Lobster is that you have stayed committed to one another for 18 years. I know from my 20 year marriage that there are good/times and bad and I am sure you have experienced that too. My biggest disappointment with public marriage right now is that people look at it as a temporary situation, good for them until things get tough or someone better comes along and then BLAMMO (yes, I just said blammo!) they are out of the relationship that they promised to remain in “until death do us part”.

  5. Congratulations!! A friend of mine and his partner are in CA and also got married over the weekend.

  6. Congratulations Crabby!! I couldn't agree with you (and Ellen) more. Enjoy your trip :-)

  7. BTW, How do you decide which marital anniversary to celebrate, or do you celebrate all of them? :)

  8. Oh that's absolutely wonderful. I am so happy for the two of you.
    Totally agree you and with Ellen.

  9. Thanks guys! Really appreciate the supportive comments.

    And Holly, we try, when possible, to schedule our various weddings and registrations for the same date... but we always celebrate our "first" one, because we want to claim as many years as possible!

    The upside of all this is, it really is kinda fun to get married--if there's a legal thing you gotta keep doing over and over it's at least a more pleasant experience than registering your car!

  10. Just wanted to drop in and say a huge CONGRATULATIONS to you and the Lobster - what lovely news! And what a great start to your cross-country trip!

    I think the whole getting-married-multiple-times thing sounds quite fun, too...

  11. Awwww congrats!

    My church has publically been way to vocal for my liking about their support for Prop 8. It's been a spiritual struggle for me to deal with my church being so vocal about a policy that, as I see it, is grounded in inequity and bordering on hate.

    Just know that sometimes the “mother church” doesn’t accurately represent its constituents. I’m happy for you and with you and your wife the best!


  12. Congrats to you and your Lobster Crabby! And you make a good point - getting married is fun, I know I enjoyed my wedding very much. I have every intention of staying married to my husband, but doing the whole wedding thing again would be a blast.

  13. Multiple marriages... multiple honeymoons...


  14. Congratulations! That's awesome! And I'm very pleased that gay marriage seems to be sticking in Massachusetts at least. I had an argument with someone when it first passed, and they said that now all sorts of gay people would be moving here en masse so they could get married. Not just visiting to get married, but moving. My response was pretty much "Oh no. That'd be terrible. People moving here and paying the wicked high taxes at the same time we've been bleeding our population to Florida and the Carolinas."

    Anyway, congratulations, and leaving Mass for the winter is definitely a smart idea.

  15. Congrats! And I agree with MizFit, and also think that Vegas, drive-thru weddings, infidelities, and dysfunctional families do more to destroy the institution of marriage than two people who love each other and want to spend their lives with that one person.

  16. OOH, don't even get me started! We "say" that we accept all religions, but relly it's only if your Christian. Or, as long as you believe in a God. If you don't, then you get the real story behind acceptance, which is that "we" don't.

    Anyhoo, congrats! It doens't matter if it's the 57th time you renewed your vows or got married again in all hopes to have it legal in your state (or whatever your reason was...sorry...brain is too small at 7:30 am). It's still something to celebrate! I just hope that someday you can have the same rights (legally and other wise) as hetero couples.

  17. Congrats. I have a feeling you're going to get nothing but love from your regular readers. :)

    Plus, doesn't a healthy loving relationship help you to be more fit?

  18. Congratulations to you and the Lobster!!

    I have friends who live in Washington state who flew down to San Francisco to get married when it was legal for those few days. This was of course much after their not-legally-recognized marriage 10 years ago. A beautiful ceremony up in the Olympic mountains with their family and friends.

    And someday I'd like my sister to be able to legally marry the woman of her dreams!

    FYI - For anyone who likes fiction, specifically romance with a bit of suspence, and wants to support equal marriage rights, consider buying All Through the Night by Suzanne Brockmann. She's donating all earnings from sales of this book to MassEquality, a group dedicated to preserving equal marriage rights in Massachusettes.

  19. Congratulations to you both! My fave part: "-which, by the way, pretty much looks exactly like your lifestyle, except that we always leave the toilet seat down and we sometimes borrow one another's shoes." Enjoy your honeymoon and may you have many more years together:)

  20. Congrats Crabby & Lobster!!!

    Have a wonderful road trip!

  21. Congrats to both of you!

    I've never understood why certain religous people have such a problem with it. I also don't undestand how two women (or two men) getting married is going to destroy marriage. Things are changing though, and I think less and less people have an issue with it, and in a generation this will be non-issue.

  22. Agreeing with Just_Kelly. I teach Sunday School and have Bible time with my kids, but I won't teach them hate. God is so much more merciful than many mainstream churches and church members are willing to admit.

    May you and the Lobster be blessed with a long, happy life together.


  23. Dang it all - why wasn't I invited?! I coulda been your flower girl.....

    And I, too, loved the line about leaving the toilet seat down and borrowing each other's have the same size feet?! How cool is that!

    Congratulations, Crabby and Lobster, and may your federal gov't eventually get it's collective head out of it's collective ass and start recognizing that gay people should the same rights as straight people.

  24. Congrats!

    Also - there's a strange loophole in RI where they will recognize any marriage from another state. Sure, they won't marry a gay couple, but they'll recognize it! Go over the border, get hitched, live in wedded bliss in the Ocean State!

  25. Congratulations!!!!

  26. Congratulations, Crabby & Lobster! :-D

  27. CONGRATULATIONS, Crabby + Lobster 4EVAH! This post truly brought joy to my heart. Love should always count and be recognized.

  28. congratulations, crab and lobster. As a gay girl myself waiting for the day (and the girl), I am extra excited for you both.

    I will say tho that education really goes the longest way. I think more people would be in support of gay marriage if we were willing to call it something else (i totally love gay-married) and if they understood the effects it has. like that 50% gift tax on the half of the house that is in one gay spouses name that gets put on the surviving spouse. I really think if we can talk about the practical and make it less emotional we'll go a long way to winning em all over. people are good hearted at the end of the day. even the mis-guided amendment-voting ones. They just need to have faces and stories and facts rather than their imagination. You and Lobster (and Ellen) do exactly that.

    So thanks for the post. It was a nice post-boxing read. Happy honeymoon!

  29. You folks are all so sweet!!

    And I know some of you come from religions that feel differently than I do about this issue, so I especially appreciate all the kind words. Hope I haven't offended anyone. I love that people of all different faiths can be so tolerant and generous with their good wishes!

  30. This is so wonderful! As my grandmother would say, MAZEL TOV! People who love each other should be able to marry - and at 18 years and going strong, you two have already outlasted SO many heterosexual couples. Your committment to each other is beautiful and I hope one day soon, people don't have to travel to other states to get hitched. My cousin and his partner just got married in Boston this summer and I had to miss it for another wedding, which stunk, but the ceremony was apparently so so lovely and moving and now they live in my 'hood so I get to celebrate with them all the time!

  31. Congrats you two! I have no doubt that you'll get nothing but love and support from your bloggie people.

    I wish for everyone's sake that we could just get past our stupid reservations about "tolerance" (a weak word which I believe is too often chosen in place of "respect") and acceptance. I think we're living though a transitional phase and hopefully one day, not too long from now our sons and daughters won't have to think twice about such rights.

    Wishing you and the Lobster many more years of happiness together.

  32. This may be my own ignorance of U.S laws/government (being Canadian and all) but isn't there SUPPOSED to be a division between church and state/country to make sure that ppl can't do sneaky things like passing laws that force their religious views on others?

    Congratulations on your legal marriage!!!

  33. Congratulations to you both. I feel sad that society interferes in this way. It will change one day hopefully, one day soon. Every good wish to both of you for many future years together just as happy the last 18.

  34. I think I must be very dense, because I don't get why this is an issue.

    When people say that 'marriage is sacred between one man and one woman, that's in the Bible', that's fine. To me that means they're saying it's a religious matter, and since we have a separation of Church and State it is therefore not something that you can pass laws about.

    If there were a law saying that churches had to hold wedding ceremonies that were against their beliefs, then I could see why people would feel threatened.

  35. Crabby and Lobster sitting in a tree,


    Sorry, I can't help it weddings bring out the kid in me. (No that the kid is ever gone for long!)

    Mega congrats to you both. Joy and Great Wishes for a lifetime of happiness. (I think I will stop gushing now and become serious.)

    Serious number one: I did not realize that the Feds were so crazy. How can the states justify the right to govern marriage laws if the Federal Government refuses to recognize marriages the states approve? (Can you tell I was a Poli Sci major in college?)

    Serious number two: Here in NY we do not allow gay marriage, but, we do allow divorce for gay couples who were legally married in other jurisdictions. Perhaps some day we'll come full circle.

    Serious number three: Marriage is about love, not religion. I have serious disagreement with any religion which thinks it has the right to push its beliefs on other people.

    Enough serious! Joy! Joy! Joy!


  36. Congratulations; I hope the ceremony "sticks" this time.

    Proud to say that I'm voting NO on Prop 8 tomorrow, and I do believe I've convinced a couple of people to change from YES to NO. (Including my husband!)

    The philandering straight couples who can't keep their gonads in their pants (or pantyhose) are the ones who have ruined traditional marriage. It's time to give the gay community a shot.

  37. It's a beautiful thing when crustaceans can be brought together in marriage :)

    Congratulations to you both and best wishes for many happy years together.

  38. Happy nth wedding! (Maybe the marriage laws should be amended so that marriages would expire if you didn't renew it every five years? Like a car registration? Would that make the anti-gay-marriage people any happier? Hah!)
    It's the 18 years that count, after all. Congratulations and best wishes to you both!
    (I'm pretty much anti-legal-marriage. Would gay marriage laws have helped my grandmother and her sister file joint tax returns? Incest! Man the barricades!)
    Mary Anne in Kentucky, trying not to be a grinch

  39. Crabby, you're shirking the important question.

    Was there an enormous Wedding Cupcake? :)

  40. Congrats Crab and Lobster! It's awesome that you can both finally be in a fully legal, long-term marriage (even if it's not yet federally recognized).

    I was reading the Freakonomics blog a while back and they had this post where the (heterosexual) poster refused to wear his wedding ring for the longest time as a form of protest because there were so many people in committed relationships who weren't allowed to get married.

    My philosophy is this - as long as you're not hurting someone else, then do what you want. Don't like gay marriage? Then don't get gay married. Don't like abortion? Don't have one. Don't like X religion? Then don't join it. Find your own path in life and not imposing it on others (and letting other people finding their own bliss). Sounds like you both have found your bliss, so congrats!

  41. Congrats!

    I admire your spunk.

    I have no idea why homosexuality is so damned scary for so many people in this country.

    You have a long-term relationship with someone you love. Who cares is if it is with a man or a woman.

  42. Conga-rats! Here's to 18 happy years and a long and happy future together.

    I don't get the whole anti-gay marriage bit either. In all honesty, I think the guberment ought to declare ALL marriages as civil unions (gay and straight alike) and leave the "marriages" to the churches. They can choose who they want to let participate in their ceremony, but it won't count unless you have that civil-union license from the feds. Because really - live and let live people.

    *sigh* I'm so ready for election day to be over.

  43. CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so happy for you. Be sure to extend the good wishes to the Lobster!

    Also come to Canada. We're slowly talking sense into our government:)

  44. Congrats! *sends hugs and kisses your way*
    You just gotta love all the "ruining the sanctity of marriage" folks. Especially when so many of them are on their 2nd,
    3rd, 4th marriages...exactly what sanctity are they speaking of???
    Yay Ellen!

  45. Congrats to you Ms and Ms Shellfish. Very happy for you!

  46. Congrats you two. I'm with you all the way. (Great vid from Ellen, btw.)

  47. Congrats! As a fellow 'mo I am thrilled for all of you who can marry and a little sad for us who can't. I'm in Illinois and the constitutional ban didn't make it, thankfully, so maybe we can all gay marry here soon! (Guess I better find a girl;).

    It is comical that Mass, the state where you could gay marry first, has the lowest divorce rate in the country. Statistics schmatistics, the institution is ruined.

  48. That's it! Now that you two are married, I'm doomed for sure! Me and my hetero hubby are headed for disaster as your gayness is sure to corrupt our superior and more legitimate relationship!

    Do people seriously think like that? I've never understood that. I hope you two had a great day (small as it might have been) and I hope you have a great trip and I wish you the most amazing life! Small minded people can suck it! Gays and the friends of gays just rock! All the best of everything for you Crab & Lobster.

    And Crabby, I'm sure you know Lobsters mate for life so you're stuck with her now! ;)

  49. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!
    We are absolutely voting NO on prop. 8, and fervently praying it doesn't pass.
    And I absolutely agree that if we want to "protect" marriage, there are a whole bunch of other things we can do. (Anyone remember the "Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire" fiasco?)

  50. Using my husband as an example, let me offer another explanation (besides homophobia) as to why some people are against gay marriage.

    For my husband, it was strictly a matter of semantics. He doesn't like it when words change meaning, and it has nothing to do with morality or religion. For him, the definition of the word marriage is a legal contract between a man and a woman. He thinks a new word should be created to describe a gay union.

    To change his mind, I had to make two points:

    1. Words DO change and evolve over a period of time. (Hence, the need for many footnotes in classic literature.)

    2. In an effort to stop the word "marriage" from evolving, people are being HURT.

    Logic prevailed, and I got my husband to change his mind on Prop 8!

  51. Congratulations, that's wonderful!

    Another Californian here, hoping to vote down that awful proposition.

  52. Many many congratulations to you both.

    I'm a Brit, and you'll be pleased to know that the world hasn't ended/our first born have not all died/there has been no plague of frogs/we are not all suddenly gay because we've had civil partnerships for a couple of years now.

    In fact we've even got gay divorces now too.

    I can't believe that the so-called land of the free still has such a backward view of fundamental civil rights.

    More power to your collective campaigning elbows. I will be watching the outcome of this election closely.

  53. Congratulations! Lasting love is hard enough to find without quibbling over gender. I'm glad the cat was on hand to lend that lovely air of feline superiority that every important occasion demands.

  54. You mean that you aren't the 'one' who turned my son gay?
    And all this time...

    I am a staunch supporter of gay rights, gay marriage and gay everything. As I have said in the past, I have a gay son and he was BORN that way (surprise!!!) Just as his twin brother was born heterosexual. I stood back and have watched for 30 years, my wonderful sons try to make it in this world.

    No one chooses to be gay with all the hassles that go along with the "choice." My son is HIV. He wants to be loved and wants to know he's lovable. It's very difficult to feel worthy and lovable with so much negativity being dumped on you by the media, neighbors and politicians among just a few. Being gay as nothing to do with making a choice except making a choice to be happy and content to the very core of who you are. Committing to, and loving another person should be the least of the hassles in one's lifetime.

    I am so, so very happy for both of you. But I was happy the first few times you got married too. Seems like this time should cinch the deal. Don't you agree?

  55. Congrats! Fantastic news for a monday morning :) 18 years together is fantastic...I hope for that long together with my husband.

    The prop 8 thing has always annoyed me (we have similar things come up every once in a while up here in Canadaland). It's getting to be a tired argument. Sure in some religions marriage is a sacrament, but the legal marriage ceremony isn't. If some churches don't want to marry same sex couples then fine, they don't have to, but I don't see why they would want to ruin it for everyone else...they should take their toys and go home and let everyone else play together nicely. It's a big world with lots of beliefs and ideas -Mutual respect and kindness is what we need more of.
    18 years together is something to celebrate in my books :) Love is to be celebrated.

    PS-I must admit that "we always leave the toilet seat down and we sometimes borrow one another's shoes" made me snicker for about 5 minutes.

  56. Congratulations! Enjoy your journey!

  57. Congratulations! I am so happy for you!

  58. This heterosexual Californian is definitely voting no on Prop 8 tomorrow. I completely agree with MizFit about the non-scariness of it all!

  59. Congratulations! I'm so excited that gay marriage is legal (at least for the moment - count me as another Californian voting NO on Prop 8 tomorrow)! I actually had the opportunity to cater a good friend's wedding to her partner last month; that was my wedding present to them! And they'd been together a long time, too (maybe not as long as you and Lobster, but longer than a lot of folks)!

    So . . . sorry for the rambling . . . and CONGRATULATIONS again! :D

  60. Congrats! (x3?) I hope your words reach those who are opposed to gay marriage for such terrible, shallow reasons.

    I wish you the best of happiness and congrats again!

  61. Love it! I am so happy for you and the Lobster Crabby. Are you honeymooning anywhere fun?

  62. Mazel Tov to you and your wife! LOVED your post. LOVE P-Town. Happy trails to you...

  63. Oh heavens am I so with you...I'm a little bit libertarian at heart and I loathe and detest that the morals of the few can be imposed as the morality of the many.

  64. Congratulations!! That is lovely news for a dreary Monday morning here in California. I already voted by absentee ballot because I am away at college, and I voted NO on Prop 8.

    Peace & Love for Everyone. Seriously. I really can't believe the California Government is allowing something of such importance to be decided by a majority vote. It's insane. My state has gone bonkers.

  65. Congratulations, Crabby and Lobster! I hope the world keeps changing in the right direction so that someday you marriage will have all the rights you both deserve!

    And I loved the bit about how you think everyone should feel like their marriage is the most special. I certainly do and am so happy for you that you feel the same.

  66. Congratulations!
    ("Although if you are heterosexual and want to show your support, you don't need to run out and get gay-married yourself. Yes, it may seem like a nice gesture, but really, it's not necessary."

    lol, thanks for clearing that up! ;)

  67. That is just the best news I've heard all week!

    Big congratulations to both of you.

    I would love to have been there but I would have cried all over both you - I tend to cry at weddings - and I would have carried the cat everywhere which would have had even more folk sneezing and snuffling.

    And I would have drunk all your wine and raided your cookie tins.

    You're probably glad I wasn't!

    Love and kisses to both of you.

  68. Congratulations Crabby and Lobster! I'm so happy for you both. And I love everything in this post because it is so very true.

    Have a great and safe cross country trip.

  69. Awesome! It couldn't happen to a nicer crustacean couple!

    And poo on all the small minds who feel it is their right to LEGISLATE who other people can legally love and marry. :P

  70. Congratulations! 18 years is wonderful and I am sure there will be many more happy years together.

    Here's hoping that your gov't wakes up and smells the equal rights.

  71. Congratulations, ladies! Enjoy your trip!

  72. OMIGOD!!! I was so hoping you would do it. Many congratulations and best wishes and hugs and kisses and bluebirds of happiness!!!

  73. Congrats. I voted already in CA. Good luck to all of us who care about civil liberties.

  74. Congratulations!

    I'm not scared. :) I will never understand how we (meaning our society) ever came to think that any kind of love was wrong. Now I can think of lots of wrong things, and love is certainly not one of them!

    Enjoy your trip!

  75. Congratulations! That's wonderful. Hope you have a lovely cross-country trip as well, with lots of posts about how it's going!

  76. Warmest congratulations, ya'll!!

    I just detest fear/hate politics.

    I find most people who are against gay marriage are pretty insufferable in many other ways.

    Wonder if their business gets lonely, seeing as how there's so little time for it after they mind everyone else's?

  77. "We've been together almost 18 years, and we've now had three "weddings" and two domestic partner registrations in an attempt to make our relationship count under the law."

    Wow! and I thought having to plan one wedding was difficult enough. It sucks that you keep having to try so hard to be recognised under the law but good on you for keeping at it. Hopefully this time you will get the recognition as a couple you obviously deserve.


  78. I am not a religious person but....


    Good luck, good luck, good luck, CONGRATS!! And I dream of a day when your marriage is recognized on a federal level.

  79. woot! congratulations!

    (You'll be pleased to know that my hetero-marriage is still intact, even after your marriage AND the marriage of my bestest cali boy a couple of weeks ago.)

    Yay for 18 years together, and best wishes for many, many more.

  80. Congratulations to you both!

    I just don't understand why this is such a big issue to some people. The federal government needs to get its head out of its ass and make gay marriage legal once and for all.

    Happy honeymooning!

  81. Crabby and Lobster,

    Huge, Ginormous Congratulations on your marriage! Have an awesome honeymoon!

    And I couldn't agree with you more: "Love and commitment should not be rationed out only to special, privileged people. The world needs more love, not less."

    Sending you tons of my love,


  82. Wow, you folks are are awesome! Your kind words mean so much. What a nice send-off for our cross-country trek.

  83. Congratulations. I was going to try to say something funny and encouraging, but I see lots of other, more successful attempts. I'm old enough to remember the "gay agenda" bogyman, and I wasn't particularly threatened by that, either. Keep doin' what you do. Live well, live happy.

  84. Congrats to you both! Left comment on today's election/anger post, but wanted to quickly jot a note at the end of this particular post. As a Californian, voting will be very important today - so much money for "Yes on 8" has come in from other states, which is disheartening, but I hope MOST folks will be reasonable and let people love (As Ellen said) who they... LOVE. And today, I hope that voters will respect the decision that the court has already made! Good on you two!

  85. Wait, you mean I can actually blame any issues in my marriage on you? What a relief!

    Seriously, 18 years... CONGRATS.

  86. PS I would have had to fight Dawn for cat-carrying rights.

  87. Dabbing my eyes here.

    Musta' got some confetti in there when I was looking up, trying to catch the bouquet.

    Congrats you two. :)

  88. PPS No doubt you've seen this... but thought if you hadn't you might like it:

  89. Yipppeeeeee!! Congrats Crab!

    It amazes me how a small religious faction has held such sway and influence over the rest of the nation.

    Whether two people with weiners or vajayjays want to tie the knot - who in the heck cares?

    I can't see how I, being hetero, am any more qualified to get married than my gay homies.
    It's truly baffling.

    Anyhoo - back to the happy part... Congratulations Crab and cheers to many more!

  90. Congratulations!! I am late to the party but my well wishes are sincere nonetheless. With so much that's wrong these days I fail to see why couples who are in strong committed relationships and could set a good example are being held back.

  91. Yay! Congratulations to the both of you and let's hope this is the last time you need to marry!

    Here in New Zealand we have had the option of civil unions for a few years now (either heterosexual or same sex unions) and I've been lucky enough to see some of my friends have their many-years-old relationships formally recognised.

  92. Crabby: The election last night- the opening part of Obama's speech- perhaps gay marriage won't be so "scary" in the USA soon! Thought of you when I heard him talking about change and the possibilities for everyone and everything:)

  93. Hi there, I have only popped in and out to puruse your posts a few times, but I felt the need to comment after reading this one. First of all, congratulations! Second of all, I hope it sticks (legally that is, it seems that personally it has already stuck). Thirdly, I really agree with what your saying (and now I feel relief because wondering if I should run out and get gay married to support the cause *has* been weighing on me!) ;-)
    Anyway, this was just a great artuculate (and humourous) post. Thanks. :-)

  94. Congratulations Lobster and Crabby!!

  95. Finally getting by to offer a late congratulations!

    When I'm not being the world's tardiest blogger... I'm the world's slowest blog reader. Sorry not to make it by sooner!

    I don't know why people are so scared of gay marriage, but it's sad and rather silly. Good people are good people, and what they do in their bedrooms is none of the rest of the world's business.

    I was apartment hunting at one point in my life and one place I looked at happened to be a room attached to a house where a lesbian couple was renting. They told me they were gay, I said, "Well, that makes no difference to me unless you mind that I happen to be straight." Their dog liked me... I got the place and we had a great time hanging out.

    All I can say is that scared, intolerant people sure miss out.


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