Processed Snacks and Desserts: What the Hell, Let's Have Some!

 via flickr

By Crabby McSlacker

Are you one of those people who eats only healthy whole foods, having absolutely no desire to consume tasty and convenient items created in some huge factory somewhere, packaged up and shipped thousands of miles away to your very own neighborhood grocery store?

Well, congratulations!

Enjoy that little cute little plate of fresh cut veggies and hummus. Savor that teeny-tiny handful of raw nuts. Arrange those fresh apple slices into a Pinterest-ready photo broadcasting your virtue.

Me? Sometimes I buy processed stuff in boxes and bags and cartons and resealable pouches.

My meals are generally pretty damn healthy, and there are whole food snacks I'll eat too. (Hello, nuts and fruit and a few select veggies). But if I don't have a few good indulgence foods on hand, things I truly love... then I'll soon end up on the Dark Side of the Snacking Street, on the Wrong Side of the Right Track. You know that neighborhood, right? It's where the nachos and the bakery sheet cakes and pepperoni pizza and the Ben & Jerry's all live.

And try as I might, I just can't love a fucking carrot stick no matter what I dip it into.

Yet so many snacks and desserts that are advertised as "healthy" are no such thing. If I weren't an obsessive nutcase, I might not ever have found my current favorites among all the zillions of faux-healthy offerings crowding the grocery store shelves.

So what do I eat?

(Note: No one is paying me anything or offering me anything free for this post. I'm done with that, having discovered that $7 worth of free snack foods is not worth all the angst and procrastination and misery that comes with actually having to write a review on command. These are just things I like, many of which I've mentioned before).

Short and Sweet: An Experiment in Portion Control

By Crabby McSlacker

As regular readers are probably sick of hearing, one thing I tend to suck at is portion control.

Sometimes I just don't know when enough is enough!

Coincidentally, part of my recent blogging angst is an inability to just say a little bit about something and not keep going and going and going and going, exploring at length all conceivably related topics.

So after last week's heavy-ass navel-gazing whine-fest, this is a light, fluffy and hopefully petite-sized post about a snacking experiment.

Wanna hear a trick I figured out that allows me to keep eating a tasty sweet treat all day long, virtually guilt free?

Well, I'll tell ya! But it's also an experiment in blog self-discipline.  Can I put this puppy to bed in less than 500 words? Especially if there are compelling tangential issues?

Post-Workout Snack Recipes

You gotta figure if the word "recipe" is in the title, this is going to be a guest post--Crabby is not known for her culinary skills.  And snack recipes?  Crabby's is: "grab 1 handful of mixed nuts. Repeat.  Repeat again.  Repeat yet again, adding a few squares of dark chocolate and a heaping portion of self-recrimination.  Approach nuts yet again... stop. Curse. Leave kitchen.  Repeat again in a few hours."

So yeah. Hooray for Steph from a  A Life without Ice Cream who actually knows how to make things!

Steph is an Ottawa blogger who has been living dairy-free for over a decade. Committing to a healthy lifestyle over 5 years ago, she got her butt in gear, learned to love fitness, and lost over 90lbs. Although she has been tweaking and creating recipes for ages, she started A Life without Ice Cream  to document recipes and keep the healthy living conversation going.  Steph is not a nutritionist, just someone who enjoys food and loves creating new recipes!

So please welcome Steph!--Crabby

Hey there Cranky Fitness readers!

I’m a long time reader of Cranky Fitness so when I saw the opportunity to share some of my favourite post-workout snacks with you I couldn't resist. Thanks so much for the opportunity!

I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about post-workout snacks. It’s a tricky thing. Sometimes I come home from the gym or a run and could literally eat anything in my way. Wash an apple? Who has time? HUNGRY! Other times I don’t feel even a little hungry, but the next day, watch out. There’s a lot of debate out there about what you actually “need” after a good workout, but my rule of thumb is if you’re legitimately hungry, you should eat something. Even better, eat something healthy that gives you tons of energy.

More Snacks: Scary Seaweed! Plus Re-Giveaway Winner

Yep, we have a new winner of the HUMAN snack-pack and t-shirt giveaway!

Plus there's also a micro-post about snacking.  Because the funny thing about snacking... even after you've said you're done, finished, that's absolute it for now?  Somehow two minutes later you're all "well, hell, just one more..."

And what happened to the big ol' post I was going to do on an important, sensible, and much-loathed medical screening procedure I had done last week? Well, still waiting for lab results, and somehow it seemed like its asking for trouble to write the whole thing without knowing what the biopsy's gonna say. So stay tuned and there'll be a post later on that--because no doubt you are all just dying to know what Crabby has hidden up her... um, sleeve!  Her blogging sleeve, yeah, that's it. There might be text and pictures and videos, who knows?

But First Off, Our Re-Giveaway Winner:

The new winner is Azusmom! And I'm always psyched when the RNG gets around to recognizing long-time Cranky Fitness commenters. Congrats, Azusmom, and please check in to claim your prize before the end of day Friday, or at this point I'll just arbitrarily assign a new re-re-giveaway winner.


Got a Favorite Snack that Frightens Bystanders?

Anyone else have some go-to snacks that seem to make those around you nervous? The more new health food novelties I experiment with (kale chips? Bright orange nutritional yeast sprinkled on everything?) the more I'm discovering a great side benefit: I can freely offer to share with those around me, and no one takes me up on it!

My new favorite, which I mentioned last time, is a seaweed snack that the sinister folks at Trader Joes are seducing innocent snackers with.

I was cheerfully oblivious for many years, because I've never been a sushi fan and thought "seaweed? No way!"

And the first time I tried one of these seaweed snacks, I almost spit it out.  Eww!  It tastes fishy, what a vile and disagreeable thing for a cracker to do! Who would eat these on purpose? That's... hmm, hang on... because it seems there is this also a nice little oily salty crunchy action going on behind the fish taste.... Maybe not so gross? Perhaps one more... No, Eww there's the fish again! Aack! But wait... mmm, oil and salt, yumm!

By the end of the first pack, sadly, I was hooked.  Now, damn it, I am forced to visit Trader Joe's on an ever-escalating schedule. Because if I tried to buy a week, or god forbid, a month's, supply... I'd need a forklift and a dumptruck and it's hard to find parking for 'em in the crowded TJ's lot.

However, it could be worse: as it happens, there are lots of nifty seaweed health benefits, since sea vegetables have "anti-inflammatory, anti-cancer, anticoagulant, antithrombotic, and antiviral properties."

And despite the lovely oily/salty flavor, the nutritional info isn't too horrible at all:

Hate Me For Going On and On About Trader Joes 'Cause You Don't Have One?


Doesn't it suck that we can have a McDonalds on every freakin' corner throughout the world, and yet getting to your nearest Trader Joe's may require you to drive for 47 hours and cross through several large red states on your way?  Well, there are other brands of seaweed snacks at Asian grocery stores and health food places. And I'm too much of a novice to have investigated other sea vegetables, or even tried the bit sheets of nori that aren't conveniently marketed and displayed as snacks. But I suspect these may be options as well.

Anyone else know of any Scary Snacks, either that you or others around you fear? Or any thoughts on anything at all?