In Flight Entertainment

Sorry, this is not a real post. But Crabby didn't want to turn the lights off entirely at Cranky Fitness as she makes her way to D.C. for the start of her East Coast adventure.

As it happens, Crabby hates flying, so she will not be enjoying the journey all that much. She'll be counting down the minutes and gripping the armrests tightly in order to keep the plane aloft. (Silly pilots think they fly the planes, but really, it is all the nervous flyers back in the cabin who are doing all the work. If any one of us were to relax for a moment--fooom! However, don't worry, we take our responsibilities seriously. There will be no relaxing).

People sometimes give Crabby advice on how to deal with her "fear of flying." However, she doesn't feel that her fear is the problem. The problem is that every now and then, a plane crashes. That's the problem! Just invent planes that never, ever, ever crash--then Crabby will have no fear of flying. The argument that "well, you're even more likely to get killed during the cab ride to the airport" is, strangely enough, not helpful. It just makes Crabby that much more aware of the fact that the cabbie is driving 30 mph over the speed limit and cutting people off right and left and has permanently disabled the seatbelts.

So here are some totally silly things that made Crabby giggle over the last week or so. Since this is Not Really a Post, she'll just throw them around without worrying whether they're health-related or not.

Remember earlier we were talking about sweet little Oscar, the kitty who would cuddle up to dying nursing home patients, as though somehow he "knew it was time?" Well, via Chicken Girl, Mental Floss has the goods on Oscar. (Note: this is dark and weirdly delicious LOLcat humor, something the Crab was unfamiliar with until recently. She is still somewhat bewildered by it all, but she is nonetheless amused).

And in another Cat related post, Lady Rose over Diet Pulpit has a great diet suggestion--and don't worry, it doesn't involve feasting on felines.

This last link isn't cat related unless one wants to get really crude about anatomical slang expressions. We won't. Note, however: this commercial parody is a bit Raunchy, Juvenile, and is possibly Not Safe for Work depending on how uptight your workplace is. It is also Not New. Many of you may have seen it on TV already, but Crabby hadn't. (And it has the word hygiene in it, so Crabby is counting it as "health related.")

You are now free to move about the blogosphere.

Frontiers of Cosmetic Surgery: "Designer Vaginas"

Oh dear, were you at the office when you decided to check on the latest in wholesome health news? Sitting in the same room with your kids? So sorry!

Actually, a good friend suggested this for a topic, and indeed it is a perfect one for Cranky Fitness: Weird, Slightly Off-Color, and Health Related! The triple crown, as far as Crabby is concerned. But she realizes there is a time and place for everything, including vaginas, and if this is neither for you right now you are most certainly excused.

She was going to post earlier this week. However, that very day she discovered that her friend Jennifer had just kindly linked to Crabby from the Family Resource Blog, saying nice things and including her in a list of "Great Family Blogs."

So she decided she might postpone the Vagina Post for a few days.

Anyway, so what is a "Designer Vagina" and why would a woman contemplate cosmetic surgery in order to have one?

Well, according to this article, the British Medical Journal released a report saying that "women are increasingly seeking cosmetic surgery to make their vaginas match pornographic pictures."

The article does go on to say, however, that some women were having their labias reduced for reasons that had nothing to do with their appearance. They were uncomfortable exercising or wearing tight clothing, for example. Crabby just wants to clarify that she's not making fun of these women. If a woman is experiencing physical discomfort because of the way she's built? Sounds completely reasonable to get it fixed.

But then one doctor said a lot of his patients told him they had better sex because they felt more comfortable. "It's more based on the self-esteem issue than how the labia look...they feel more self-assured."

The British Medical Journal commentary argues that appearance may not be a good enough reason to undergo this type of medical procedure, especially since risks include loss of sensitivity to the genitals. A physician who does these surgeries also warned against going to inexperienced doctors, saying that patients risked scarring, infection and bleeding.

Yikes.

So here's what Crabby thinks:

There may be some rare cases in which even just for appearance, the surgery might make sense. Say a woman is really, really, unusually proportioned. And say she's had a series of terrible experiences with insensitive sexual partners, brutes who have ridiculed her and scarred her emotionally far worse than anything a surgeon could do to her physically. Crabby says: well, okay. As long as you understand the risks and the discomfort you may have to endure for the sake of your "looks," go ahead and let them slice. (Shiver).

But short of that, it just seems insane to have expensive, painful, and dangerous surgery to make your hoo-hoo look more like the one your boyfriend admired so much the other night when you came home early and caught him screening "Eight Women...who Ate Women."

The increasing "need" for this surgery raises all kinds of confusing questions for Crabby. Do women really need yet another part of their anatomy to feel insecure about? And for women who think they look "unusual," how do they know? Do they really believe that porn actresses represent the entire range of normal female appearance? And if it's not through porn, how many "average" vaginas does a typical woman come across at close range in order to make a comparison? (Unless, of course, seekers of the surgery are disproportionately gynecologists, lesbians, and specialists in "Brazilian" waxes, but Crabby seriously doubts this is the case).

She wonders if yet again, insecure women are buying into the idea that there is some sort of "perfect" body out there, and that no amount of sacrifice is too much in order to obtain it. Crabby would like to convince these women otherwise, but she suspects that not many of them are regular readers of Cranky Fitness.

And for those women who might be contemplating this surgery in order to please a disapproving boyfriend, husband, or other sexual partner? Ladies: it's not excess labial tissue you need to cut loose.