Coping with the downturn: a quiz

Guess what? The experts have decided that it's official: we're in a recession.

Gee whiz, really?

Being an economic forecaster is something like being a weatherman reporting on yesterday's news. It's much more interesting to be a blogger, especially on a blog like this one.

How's your economic attitude?

Rather than writing a serious, perceptive, and intellectually challenging post about the economy, it seems like a much better idea to present you with a pop quiz. You've read all about the economy -- if you haven't experienced a layoff, you've probably felt the chill breeze of one pass nearby. Are you prepared, attitudinally, for this economic climate?


The Quiz

A) Your boss calls you into her office and says that you're being downsized.
Your response is to:

1 - Go home, curl up in a dark room, and whimper.

2 - Go out and eat a dozen brownies. (Sugar is good for shock, yeah, that's the ticket.)

3 - Ask her, "Does 'downsize' mean I'll fit into my skinny jeans?"

4 - Put on your running shoes and do a long run... as far from work as possible.


B) The company has decided to enforce time off during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's holiday weeks. In other words, you're taking the time off whether you have vacation time saved up or not. You decide to:

1 - Buy a bunch of stuff at the mall to cheer yourself up.

2 - Eat your way steadily through all the Thanksgiving leftovers, chocolate Advent calendars, and even aunt Agnes' deadly annual fruitcake. It's wasteful to throw away food, plus there's less clutter that way.

3 - Decide to use the time to finish your Great American Novel (or Great Canadian Novel, Great Peruvian Novel, you get the idea). That way, when the company actually does go under, you'll have a book ready to be published.

4 - Spend the time off working out three or four hours a day. Hey, it worked for Madonna.

C) Because of the relatively low cost of gas, your grandmother, mother-in-law, and your aunt Fanny each expect you to drive to their house for a holiday dinner ... on the same day. Do you:

1 - Forge a doctor's note and try to convince the relatives that you're suffering from lethargy, lumbago, and leprosy.

2 - Drive from one house to the next and eat three full dinners.

3 - Delegate the blame decision and let your significant other decide.

4 - Annoy all three by deciding to do what you want to do instead.


*******************
Add up the numbers to determine how prepared you are, attitude-wise, for the recession.

3 points. You have a sensitive soul, which in this economy means you're probably going to be toast. Need to try the emotional equivalent of boot camp to toughen up -- or else marry a billionaire until the recession is over.

4 - 6 points. Using food as an emotional band-aid is a bad idea when you're supposed to be tightening your belt. Can you try another approach for dealing with turmoil? (And if so, could you let me know what it is?)

7 - 9 points. You have a nice combination of optimism and sneakiness. If you can find a way to throw in some ruthless cunning and guile, you might make it through this downturn relatively unscathed.

10 - 12 points. Given the fact that people who are obese encounter more job discrimination than people who are fit, you're probably in pretty good shape in both senses of the phrase. Of course, you're going to feel pretty silly about all that exercising when the sensitive soul goes out and marries a billionaire, but that's life.

Well, how did you do? Should I do a post on the number of single billionaires in the world today, or do you think you'll get through this okay?

Graphic: Azrainman

Hypochondria Lite

Cartoon by Al Bar

Anyone else out there have a slight tendency toward hypochondria?

No, not the sort where your life is one long parade of ominous symptoms, visits to specialists, and appointments for tests, re-tests, and re-re-tests--because maybe the results say you're fine but suppose the lab accidentally mixed up your samples with some healthy person's?

That's the fullblown, clinical kind. I'm talking about the more occasional, amateur type hypochondria. Hypochondria "Lite."

The sort of hypochondria where, just hypothetically, you might find one night you're seeing some sort of weird crescent shaped thing in your eye, and you remember something about the symptoms of detached retinas and the dire importance of seeking immediate medical attention for them. And then you convince yourself that because you are not going to roust your sleeping spouse and go to the emergency room, you will probably wake up the next morning blind in one eye. But then instead you wake up the next morning and you're fine! And so you forget all about it.

That kind of hypochondria.

Here's a quick diagnostic test.

Let's say you notice a reddish pimply-looking bump on your leg. That bump is most probably:

a. A pimple.

b. The beginning stages of a potentially deadly flesh eating bacteria you must have picked up at the gym, since you've never had a pimple on your leg before in your entire life. However, since it's conceivable that it's something less ominous, you might wait a few days before checking with a doctor.

c. Malignant melanoma in the final stages. You make an appointment with your doctor and insist she see you as soon as possible, but you also call your attorney to update your will because you know you are a goner.

If you are an "A" person, congratulations, you are normal! If you are a "C" person, we need to talk--meet me at the bottom of the post.

But what about all of us "B" people, the Amateur Hypochondriacs? (And yes, both examples were me--I did worry I had a detached retina, and feared I'd contracted MRSA from my gym this summer until the pimple went away).

We amateurs are little worry-wartish about our health and occasionally think we're going to die when we're not--but we don't freak out nearly often enough or severely enough that it screws up our lives.


Saving Grace: Being a Lazy Slacker

The only reason I haven't humiliated myself in doctor's offices from coast to coast with my exagerrated health fears is because I hate going to the doctor. So I take a "wait and see" attitude--even if while I'm waiting and seeing I'm also seriously considering the possibility that I'm dying. But year after year, the weird bumps and aches and numb spots etc have never turned out to be anything fatal. So this strategy has been surprisingly effective.

Here's a particularly weird example: I was out running one morning and when I finished my run, I had lost the ability to remember about 75% of my vocabulary.

Not just abstract words like "abstemious" or "profligate." I couldn't think of basic words like "muffin" or "blueberry" or "egg" (it was breakfast time) or "scared" (which I was) or "stroke," which I was pretty sure I was having.

This bout of aphasia lasted maybe half an hour. And then, wham, a headache. I almost never get headaches. But fortunately, my words came back. (I'm kinda attached to them).

But before I sought medical attention... I had a vague recollection that my mother had a similar episode of not being able to remember words, and that it hadn't been a stroke but something far less scary. So I called her up (once I regained my ability to speak). I asked her what the heck she'd been diagnosed with.

Her answer? A migraine.

Did you know that one symptom of a migraine is aphasia? Well, I didn't, but I sure as hell do now. So it was yet another 911 call I was glad I didn't make.


Good Reasons for Being a Bit of a Worry Wart

I think anyone who spends a fair amount of time reading about health on the web is at least at some risk for health-related anxiety. With access to more medical information that we know what to do with, it's easy to start with a weird pain in your jaw and end up with a bad case of cyberchondria.

Part of the problem is that so many awful, fatal diseases start with vague symptoms that everyone gets all the time. And if you read the "warning signs," many articles will tell you to run off and check with your doctor right away.

Say you're experiencing a bit of fatigue, or you have a headache, or you've lost some weight, or you've got swollen lymph glands, or you're feeling a bit bloated or light-headed or your feet are numb or you're nauseated. Could be nothing--or, depending on the symptom, it could be a heart attack or ovarian cancer or multiple sclerosis or all kinds of serious things. How can we not be a little bit paranoid?

And no doubt some of you have paid attention to vague symptoms, got yourself to a doctor, and saved your own life by catching a potential fatal illness in it's early, treatable stages. Do not read this post and stop doing that!

But I just have too many transient symptoms that have never, ever meant anything. If followed all the advice I've read about when to seek medical attention, I'd be at the doctor's office every damn day of my life. My solution: I don't go in, but I keep tabs on the symptom and freak out a bit, especially if it's something new and weird.

It always goes away again. So far, so good--I'm still alive!

Unfortunately though, I know folks who ignored innocuous symptoms and it turned out to be Something Bad. So I really don't know what the answer is. Serious diseases are pretty darn rare. But if lots of Weird Things are going on, and not going away, then go get it checked out. Don't worry if your doctor thinks your a whiny worry-wart. Unless this pattern seems to happen to you a LOT.

What If Worries About Your Health Are Interfering With Your Life?

You can get help! If you are frequently afraid you have a serious illness even when doctors assure you you're perfectly fine--you don't have to suffer with this type of anxiety anymore. It's treatable. Studies are finding cognitive-behavioral therapy helps a lot, and that Paxil can be effective too. (But since all drugs have side effects, I might investigate the CBT first.)

And speaking of side effects, do they even let folks with hypochondria read about the side effects of drugs used to treat it? Seems like a bad idea! My advice: If you struggle with irrational health worries, you may want to just take the drugs they give you and not look too closely at the package insert.

(Although I love to read drug side effect warnings if I'm not taking the drug myself. It's kind of fascinating! Coffee-ground vomit? Or another Paxil warning: Males: In the very unlikely event you have a painful, prolonged erection, stop using this drug and seek immediate medical attention or permanent problems could occur. Yikes!)

Besides me and Bossy, is there anyone else out there who sometimes thinks they have dire medical disorders when in reality, they are really Perfectly Fine? Or is it something you don't worry about?

Timex Ironman Race Trainer Winner

Thanks for all who entered and commented on the heart rate monitor giveaway--what a great bunch of reasons for wanting one of these fancy gizmos!

Unfortunately, there can be only one winner. The Random Number Generator hath chosen Midlife Mama! Midlife Mama, please email us at crabbymcslacker @ gmail dot com (some email address assembly required) to claim your prize by Friday night Dec 12th.

For those who are not Midlife Mama, here's some consolation: the folks at Healthbolt are hosting a giveaway of a different prize every single day of December. And one of the goodies is this very same heartrate monitor! Also, Kelly at Grounded Fitness is giving away an Ultra Fat Burning Workout DVD.

Thanks for playing!

Cycling in winter: the high rollers' lifestyle

By The Merry

Life is more challenging for bicyclists in the winter.

Obligatory warning: This post is rife with video clips. (Okay, three clips, but that's rife in my book.) With each clip, a text explanation has been provided for those who might be bandwidth-impaired or attention-challenged, or who simply don't like watching videos on a blog.


It is possible to bicycle in the snow. But if you really want to try it, we recommend a trip to Alaska. Bicycling in snow, or over ice, is not really recommended when you're in traffic. (Ever try to put chains on a bike?)

The trouble is, riding a stationary bike is the second most boring exercise ever invented. To keep riding while waiting for the weather to improve, a lot of cyclists spend the winter riding on rollers.

What are rollers?

Rollers are simply a metal frame that sits on the floor, with cylinders across the frame. When you put your bicycle onto this frame, the cylinders align with the wheels on the bike. You get on the bicycle and start pedaling, and the cylinders spin with the wheels. Basically, you're pedaling while staying still. Like a stationary bike, except really, really different.

Rollers are not the same as stationary bicycle riding. You have to concentrate on what you're doing. If you've ever watched someone try this for this first time, they're all over the place. Not only is this a lot more challenging than a stationary cycle, rollers make you a better cyclist. Assuming you can stay on them.

Riding on rollers -- how to do it

This rider shows how it's supposed to be done. Looks easy when he does it, right?

[TEXT: Man making riding rollers look very easy. So easy, in fact, that after a minute or so I zoned out. Recommended viewing time: 1 minute, unless you're really, really, really into the technical aspects of cycling.]



(I have to confess, even though I think this guy is really good at showing how you should ride rollers, I still couldn't watch this for the whole 10 minutes. Unless you're really into the minutiae of cycling, you might want to skip the last 9 minutes and 30 seconds of this video clip. Trust me, he doesn't fall off or doing anything silly, even if this is a YouTube video.)

Now look at this video of a newbie trying to ride rollers:
[TEXT: Man who clearly has not done this before. Spends most of the video riding with one hand clinging to the door post or falling to one side or the other. However, his girlfriend/spouse thinks he's doing a great job. (Call me cynical, but I suspect if the woman were a sister she would have gotten bored and stopped filming him after his first few attempts.) He does get the hang of it, for the most part. I found that encouraging.]



Rollers can be the same sort of daredevil escapade -- don't do it like this cyclist:
[TEXT: Man acting silly while riding on rollers ("Dad, you are such a dork," a young voice says off-camera) with music in the background.]

(It took almost the full five minutes, but I finally did laugh at one of his attempted stunts. Don't try this stuff with your eyes closed.)

So what's the point of riding with rollers? Just to entertain your friends & family?

Riding on rollers instead of on a stationary bicycle can make you a much better cyclist:

Rollers help you develop a smooth cadence. A smooth cadence means your legs are working more effectively; you're not wasting energy pushing to the side, or making jerky start-and-stop/push-and-coast movements. Because the least jerkiness results in noticeable wavering, you get instant feedback to improve your movements.

Rollers really help you improve your balance. Like riding a bicycle on the road, you're using your muscles to keep upright. You end up making little correcting motions throughout the ride. (Or really large, wild correcting motions, depending on your skills.)
Doing this clipped in, i.e. with your feet clamped to the pedals, is, in my opinion, insane. At least until you get the hang of it.

One of the more depressing aspects of winter is the thought that you're losing your edge, your fitness and ability while you're cooped up indoors. Rollers would be a great way to get ready for spring.

On the other hand, you might want to consider wearing a helmet when you're trying this, unless you're really confident about your balancing ability and superior reaction times. And don't let people follow you around with a video camera unless you want to end up on YouTube!

If it doesn't kill you, riding with rollers does improve your cycling skills. And it's not boring. You're too busy trying not to fall over to be bored.

This might seem a bit extreme, but it's one way to keep the winter blahs at bay. A helluva lot more exciting than a stationary bike.

Well -- how you do you plan to keep exercise interesting over the winter? Ski jumping?

Oh crap... where's the snow?

Snowbike courtesy of vomsorb.

Aging, Antioxidants, and Annoyance

This is just a quick grumpy post about a recent study on antioxidants and aging I read.

Why so quick and grumpy?

Because I didn't like the results, damnit!

Hey, You Promised If I Ate All Those Antioxidants I'd Be Young Forever!

I hate it when a study comes along and dashes my hopes for eternal life. Yes, I know no one has guaranteed that the right combination of nutrition and exercise will keep me young forever. (And a quick glance in the mirror reveals there's definitely a flaw in this theory).

However, it's been kind of implied that if I down enough blueberries and red wine and broccoli and dark chocolate, etc, that all those antioxidants would fight off the nasty free radicals that would otherwise cause me to age faster. I will feel thirty or forty-ish, I was hoping, until I'm actually ninety-ish.

Perfectly Good Aging Theory Spoiled by Worms

Blame Denham Harman for my false hopes. It was his theory that said that aging is due to "an accumulation of molecular damage "caused by "oxidative stress." This theory has apparently been popular for over fifty years, so I had a good excuse for believing it and scarfing up all the antioxidants I could.

But alas, it turns out that a guy named David Gems and some stupid worms are trying to ruin my plans to never grow old.

In this new study, Gems and his colleagues fiddled around with a bunch of nematode worms and beefed up their ability to "mop up" surplus superoxide and limit oxidative damage. Unfortunately, "the lifespan of the worm was relatively unaffected by its ability to tackle the surplus superoxide." This casts serious doubt on the theory that antioxidants will make you live longer. Gems thinks "other factors, such as chemical reactions involving sugars in our body, clearly play a role."

Crap.

Since this kind of research is far beyond my ability to understand or critique, I'll just have to hope more studies come out and contradict it.

Or, even better, I hope that they figure out a new key to staying young, and that it involves a daily regimen of watching HBO and Showtime series on DVD, eating cupcakes and cheeseburgers, drinking margaritas, and sitting in a massage chair to relieve stress. C'mon scientists, get crackin'!

You Still Have to Eat Your Fruit and Vegetables

Just because antioxidants may not halt aging itself, they are still potent disease fighters so you're not off the hook. Gems concluded: "a healthy, balanced diet is very important for reducing the risk of developing many diseases associated with old age, such as cancer, diabetes and osteoporosis. But there is no clear evidence that dietary antioxidants can slow or prevent aging. There is even less evidence to support the claims of most anti-aging products."

Darn it. Guess I'll go eat worms.

Anyone else disappointed that there might not be a dietary "magic bullet" to prevent aging? Got any good anti-aging suggestions, or are you perfectly happy to grow old gracefully?