Treadmill Rage

This Guest Post was written by Charlotte Anderson over at The Great Fitness Experiment, which as many of you have discovered is one of the best fitness blogs on the planet. Charlotte also blogs at Huffington Post and she's been on TV and seems generally to be headed for a Bright Shiny Future. I can't help but find myself insanely jealous filled with admiration! And today she has a fun Quiz for us. Enjoy!--Crabby


Guest Post by Charlotte Anderson

You've heard of "road rage." But have you, or anyone you love, been a victim of Treadmill Rage? Have you ever felt a murderous impulse rise as you watch the two giggling teens monopolize your favorite machines for an hour without even having the decency to break a sweat? Take this test to find out!

1. Have you ever fantasized about chucking a dumbbell at someone on the weight floor?

• Was it a slow-moving grandpa or a confused lifting newbie? -5 points.
• Was it a meathead carefully monopolizing every piece of equipment on the weight floor (signaled by him placing exactly one item of his squarely in the middle of each bench and then walking territorially around the room surveying his domain)? +1 point, +3 if you actually hit him.

2. Have you ever had the urge to stick your arm out and clothesline someone running on the track?

• Were you bitter just because they are faster than you? 0 points just for considering it (we're human after all) -3 points if you actually did it. You jerk.
• Was said runner passing you on the inside? While screaming "Outta my way, I'm doing Fartleks!!"? Did she catch you with an elbow? +1 point for fantasizing, +5 if you actually throw your arm out - congratulations, you just made the world a safer place. You're like Superman. Someone give you a medal. And a cape.

3. Your favorite cardio equipment is taken. Do you:

• Find something else to get your heartrate up? +3 for being flexible - yogis have nothing on you.
• Sigh loudly & tap your feet while looking impatiently from your watch to the display on their machine? 0 points if the display reads 0:03:42. You want your own machine? Buy one. +1 points if the display reads 0:47:21. They're obviously going the full hour. Nobody stops on a "weird" number. +5 points if the display reads 3:25:54 and you give them a pamphlet on exercise bulimia - you good citizen, you.

4. The girl at the front of your aerobics class is obviously new and lost.

• Is she just using the mirror to do her hair? +1 for staring, hoping she gets the hint to actually move her body. It's cardio Barbie. +2 if you run up to "help" her and then style her as a Muppet. The whole class will thank you.
• Do you ignore her? 0 points. You're no hero but at least you refrained from rolling your eyes at your friend. In the mirror.
• Do you give her a little encouragement during the water break and maybe help her nail that tricky part because, hey, at least she's making the effort to exercise? +4 points. Can I be in your classes??
• Do you Carefully move up on her until you're breathing down her neck so she knows she's in your space? -3 points. It's not your spot. You don't have a spot. Nobody does except the teacher. And dogs. And then laugh loudly every time she makes a mistake? -10 points. You sociopath.

The Cure

Treadmill Rage is common. We've all felt it. Hopefully we didn't act on it (unless you have a really good reason, see list above). But giving in to your violent impulses really won't increase your calorie burn. Much.

Do you know what is much harder? Being nice. For some reason it doesn't come naturally to most of us, especially if we (ahem, me) are competitive. But being kind and forgiving is actually much better for your health. Besides adding up to 5 years to your life (see? You'll outlive all those jerks! That'll teach 'em!! Oh, wait...), being chill helps ease depression & anxiety while helping you heal faster from surgery, increasing your life satisfaction and giving you a happier outlook on life.

For a great example check out what this biker does when confronted with inconsiderate drivers (thanks for tip TJ!!). Truly this is a great story and if nothing else will help you pay more attention to who's in the crosswalk. He's one creative and gutsy dude:)

Tell me if you've ever been a victim or perpetrator of Treadmill Rage! Don't worry we won't judge or laugh. Much. ;)

The Pizza Diet, Size Issues, and Making a Change

It has come to our attention that supplies of cynicism are at an all-time low in many states around the country, and countries around the world. So this seems like a good time to run these studies past you. Besides, the really Deep & Serious post I was working on has gotten too deep and too serious. Thursdays require some levity.

The Red Wine & Pizza Diet

I'd hate for this to be the only blog that doesn't mention this new study.

A team of scientists at the University of Louis Pasteur claim to have discovered a drug SIRT1 that counteracts "some effects of a high-calorie diet." Chemically related to components found in red wine, this drug shifts the metabolism to "fat-burning mode" without side effects.

In mice, at any rate, it can prevent weight gain and improve blood sugar tolerance as well as insulin sensitivity. In other words, these mice can pig out on the Red-Wine-and-Pizza-Palooza diet without gaining weight.

Photo: Lulu

Is it too late to change my species to Mouse?

Who says size doesn't matter?

In a study of 7,000 women carried out by the University of Hawaii and published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynaecology, 92 per cent of those who were overweight had slept with a man, as compared to 87 per cent of women of "normal" size.

Is that the truth? The whole Truth? Nothing but the truth?

Honestly, if some researcher came up to me and asked about my sex life, regardless of what size I was, I'd want to know either a)what she was smokin' or b)what she intended to pay me to talk about something that's none of her business. I certainly wouldn't feel it was my duty to tell her the absolute, strict, hand-on-the-Bible truth. Plus, being easily distracted/amused, I was distracted and amused by the fact that the main researcher's first name was 'Bliss.' (Never said I was deep & profound, okay?)

Okay, any parents out there, listen up. Be aware that what you name your child may affect her or his career decades later.

Want to make a difference? Register and maybe save a life

On a much more serious note, if you’re feeling altruistic you should know that November is Marrow Awareness Month in America. Anyone who donates at the National Marrow Donor Program can do so for free.

Apparently in many other countries, registration is free. In America it usually costs about $50. (The cost is to cover the process of tissue typing your sample.) To register as a bone marrow donor, you need to fill out a questionnaire, swab your cheek with a cotton swab, and mail the swab in to the donor program. (They provide a kit for swabbing.)

Being a bone marrow donor can save the life of someone suffering from leukemia and similar ailments. A lot of people are talking about Change right now. If you want to make a change, that's one way to do it. I'm going for it.

Do you see any reason not to become a bone marrow donor? Or are you still mulling over the wine-and-pizza diet, and the women of varying sizes?

Advice for Grumpy Home Workers

This is a guest post by Ali from The Office Diet. She also blogs at Diet Blog and has an ebook on dieting basics you might want to check out! She's helped us out here before and we always appreciate her contributions very much.





A few months back, I wrote an article for Grumpy Office Workers, explaining how even the grouchiest of us can stay (just about) healthy and sane in the office. Since then, I’ve escaped the office world (hurrah!) to live my dream of being a freelance writer & website creator (hurrah!) and graduate student (hurrah!) Yes, I get bored fast. Unfortunately, working from home has a whole new set of ways to make me grumpy (boo!)

The main problem with working from home is the 24/7 availability of food. And the thoughts that run “Grr, stress, clients, writing, procrastination, brain-mush, grr … mmm, chocolate.” And the complete lack of nosy colleagues to ask “Ali, don’t you run a blog called The Office Diet? Should you really be eating that giant chocolate cookie?”

But, somehow, I have managed to survive an office-free month without putting on weight… I’ve even been a bit less grumpy than normal. Really. (My boyfriend might disagree. But that’s only cos he sees more of me now.)


So here is some advice:

Walk, walk and walk some more

Ever get that cooped-up, stir-crazy feeling? It’s because you’ve been stuck inside the same four walls all day. Even prisoners get an exercise break. Step outside. Walk. This is a particularly good idea when the Most Annoying Client In The World has phoned you for the fifth time in two hours, your internet connection is playing hide-and-seek, and you’ve barely blinked, let alone taken a break from your monitor, in three hours.

Walking is good for getting some perspective. You’re never too busy to take 30 minutes to get your head screwed back on. And you might even get a killer idea for your latest project.


Eat proper meals (with another human being if possible)

Work never quite goes away when you’re a freelancer. Maybe you switch on your laptop before the kettle every morning. Maybe you forget about breakfast until your stomach rumbles at 10am, you realise you have no milk, and you scoff down a few handfuls of trail mix. Maybe “lunch” is whatever you can easily eat with one hand whilst typing emails with the other. You’re stressed. You’re busy. You don’t want to stop for a meal – but you can manage a snack.

Proper meals, though, tend to be a tad healthier than snacks (most of which can be described as “sugar or salt, plus fat”). And ploughing on with work when your Grumpiness and Hungriness Levels are rising is going to lead to snarky emails, a grouchy phone manner and less-than-chipper clients. Take a break. Eat. With another human being, if you can. (Those “spouse and kids” people, maybe? Seen much of them recently?)


Ban any “evil” foods from the house

Some foods are evil. They taunt you from the cupboard/fridge/deep freeze. They say “Eat me. EAT ME. You know you want to. I’m so yummy. I’m so delicious. Just open me. Just have a little teeny tiny taste. Go on…” Their aim is to wear down your will, over the course of the day, until you give in. Sometimes they’re really sneaky and they wait until you’re tired, stressed, and up stupidly late and/or horrifically early to meet a deadline … and THEN they start to whisper their insidious little words.

These foods are the enemy.

It is a tactical error of the highest order to allow them into your home. Ban them. Treat anyone bringing them in through your door as the despicable traitors that they are. Check all grocery bags for any cunning attempts at infiltration. You may even need to provide your spouse/kids/flatmates with a handy check-sheet of the Evil Ones, to help them identify and destroy them.


How do you cope when you’re stuck in the house, feeling fed up, and facing the Food Demons? Got any great advice for grumpy homeworkers like me?

Plus Size Workout Wear Giveaway Winner!

Talk about an unfair election.

No.
No, no, no. Not that. I was talking about the Random Number Generator!

I mean, I never win things, ever. It's a rule engraved in stone somewhere in some dusty vault: Merry Shalt Not Win. Especially when she's helping run the blog that's hosting the giveaway.

So I go and I run the RNG, and whose entry does it land on?

Exactly.

That is just so unfair.

Okay, enough whining. The (legitimate) winner is...

Linda! Of Fat Don't Wrinkle fame.

Linda, please email us with your name, email address and mailing address to claim the prize. (Email: crabby mcslacker @ gmail dot com) by Friday, November 7th.

Congratulations!

And thank you, everyone who left a comment. I think you've caught the attention of the people who make active wear: people who wear larger sizes also want to work out!

Elections are all the rage these days...

Photos from Michi1308 and uhuru1701

So.

The way I look at it, by the end of the day there are going to be a lot of angry Americans out there whoever wins the election. (Maybe also a lot of angry Canadians, Brazilians, Lichtensteiners, and such.)

CNN warns that being angry can be bad for your health ... cardiovascular problems, lung issues, nasty stuff. They recommend breathing exercises to help you calm down. That's great if it works, but sometimes it's like taking deep breaths when you're trying to get to sleep -- it becomes actively irritating.

Psychology Today had an interesting article on anger: "If Anger Helps You Feel in Control, No Wonder You Can't Control Your Anger!"

I liked that article, and it got me thinking. The Old Merry used to use food or drink as ways to deal with frustration. Crunching carrots is great in a lot of respects, but it just doesn't have the same effect when you're having a bad day.

Having a bad day? Scrub!

I read a book on organizing my life, and it talked about using cleaning as therapy, suggesting cleaning out a drawer or cleaning the bathroom as useful outlets when upset. I tried this, and it's a pretty good way to vent when you're having a bad day. Kinda like the old slogan: "If you want to understand a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, even if you still don't understand the man, you're a mile away and have his shoes."Even if cleaning doesn't completely dispel the anger, it provides an outlet for your feelings plus you've got a clean bathtub.

Suddenly I understand my sister the Total Neat Freak. That was how she controlled her environment, using Chlorox to drown every subversive germ out there into submission.

How to go from anger to Goodwill

When you're righteously pissed off it is a lot easier to get rid of clutter. For one thing, if the driving emotion coursing through your system is an overwhelming sense of anger, you're much less likely to feel the possessive clinginess of insecurity. That's when it's easier to donate those old jeans that don't really suit you any more. Let them go.

A variant on this might be to put the jeans into the Goodwill box, then not actually take the box to Goodwill until you've calmed down. The ancient Medes and Persians were reputed to debate matters twice -- once when they were drunk and once when they were sober -- before coming to a decision. A modern version, with less empty calories, might be to try the angry/calm idea instead.

Why not vent at the gym?

It's much healthier to expend your frustration on defenseless mildew in the bathroom or a messy closet than it is to bury your emotions in food or drink. Better still would be to work out your frustration in exercise, but if that's not an option for some reason, try cleaning!

What do you do when you're angry? Yell? Demand a recount? Stomp your feet? Watch your muscles grow while your skin turns green and all the neighbors run away screaming?


My name's Merry, and I approved this message.