April 15, 2008

A Very Cranky Year

[By Crabby]

Was it really a whole year ago that Cranky Fitness ran its first post even though no one was around yet to read it?

Holy crap, that sure went by fast!

For those of you me who were there from the very beginning, lets take a nostalgic trip down memory lane, shall we? And for you folks who came along later, don't worry: it's not too late to catch up. Just quit your job, abandon your children, divorce your spouse and settle down with the archives for a few weeks. You can read all the posts and comments, and soon you'll know everything there is to know about Cranky Fitness!

Once you've done that, take the Cranky Fitness First Anniversary Quiz. Or just take it anyway and get a bunch of the answers wrong.

The correct answers will be provided soon, in the comment section, when Crabby gets around to rounding them up.

Don't feel like a quiz? Then just skip down and say hello to the Crab at the end of the post. Not a particularly flattering picture, but what the hell. It seemed like time.

How Well Do You Know Cranky Fitness?

1. Crabby hardly posted on the blog at all this month because she was too busy:

a. Giving birth to an 8 lb 2 oz baby boy;
b. Serving time in county jail for assaulting a mime;
c. Moving cross-country in order to walk on some rocks;
d. Auditioning for American Idol;
e. F*cking Matt Damon.

2. "Fran"; "Lobster"; "Moo." These are names or nicknames for Crabby's:

a. Sister; Favorite Dinner Entree; Rear End;
b. RV; Wife; Favorite Abstract Artist;
c. Mother; Favorite Cocktail; Dog;
d. Brother-in-Law; Car; Favorite Exclamation Whenever Directed to Do Something.

3. Short Answer question: Without going back to check the archives, what momentous event in Cranky Fitness history happened on November 22, 2007? _______________

4. What does "MUFA" mean?

a. It's a scarf-like piece of clothing worn over the neck and mouth to retain moisture and aid breathing in cold dry air;
b. It's a slang term for a common sexual act;
c. It's a really yummy sandwich full of fried things that has 47,034 calories;
d. It's a healthy oil that magically reduces belly fat.

5. What Do the Awesome blogs Sister Skinny, Back in Skinny Jeans, Big Fat Deal, Lose the Buddah, and a humble little blog called Craggy Feelings have in common? __________________________________

6. A "Slanket" is:

a. A piece of jewelry worn on the ankle that also functions as a pedometer;
b. A garment worn by celebrants of an obscure religious cult during sacred ceremonies;
c. A New Zealand brand of candy similar to the American "M&M;"
d. A young woman of easy virtue.

7. What do favorite commenters Holly and "Mary Anne from Kentucky" have in common? ___________________________

8. According to a news item featured on Cranky Fitness, the Pentagon once considered developing what sort of military equipment?

a. A bomb that would turn enemy soldiers gay;
b. A bulletproof bra for female combatants;
c. A genetically engineered army ant colony capable of infiltrating enemy barracks and devouring the human occupants thereof;
d. A shoulder-fired rocket that on detonation would emit an odor just like farts.

9. A highly disproportionate number of Cranky Fitness commenters are, compared to the general population:
a. Argumentative;
b. Fashion-conscious;
c. Republican;
d. Canadian.

10. Merry, being more ambitious than Crabby, aspires one day to complete a Century bike ride (100 miles!) and also to finish a:

a. Marathon;
b. Triathlon;
c. 401K;
d. An Entire Ferris Wheel Ride without Throwing Up.

11. Which of Crabby's blog friends lost a bet and was forced to teach a fitness class in a revealing Jane-Fondaesque leotard, complete with leg warmers, and pose for a multitude of humiliating pictures?


12. Which of the following search queries artificially inflated Cranky Fitness google hits for several months?

a. Lose Weight Fast;
b. Nude Aerobics;
c. Great Big Bouncy Breasts;
d. Humongous Penis.

13. Three of our favorite commenters are related to each other, though not to Crabby (that she knows of). Who are they and where do they blog?

14. It took a while to abandon the practice, because Bossy does it, it seems to work well for her, and Crabby is a great admirer of all things Bossy. However, a number of months ago Crabby realized it was time to stop:

a. Replying to comments in Pig Latin;
b. Composing blog posts in the nude;
c. Tossing off three or four Cosmopolitans before commenting on other blogs;
d. Writing all her blog posts in the Third Person.

15. Crabby just wants to finish off this post by saying:

a. Thank you everyone, it's been a blast!
b. Thank you everyone, you all crack me up!
c. Thank you everyone, you're a really smart, thoughtful group of people!
d. Thank you everyone, I feel like I've made some real friends here and you are all awesome!
e. All of the above.

It's been a fun year, hope y'all will stick with us at least a while longer!

Greetings from the Crab in Provincetown!


  1. OK, here we go--

    Quiz answers:

    1. c
    Still lovin' those rocks and anyway Matt Damon was busy.

    2. b
    Picasso ain't got nothin' on the Moo.

    3. Merry wrote her first post as a Cranky Fitness co-blogger on that date, saving Crabby's sanity and ensuring the continued existence of the blog.

    4. d.
    A Mufa is not all that interesting; just stuff like olive oil.

    5. All these fine blogs were shown on CBS 's the Early Show after being profiled by Women's Health Magazine. "Craggy Feelings" was what the blurry screenshot of Cranky Fitness most resembled.

    6. b.
    And hey, one day maybe Crankyism won't even be all that obscure a religion! Better get fitted for your Slanket soon, while supplies last.

    7. Holly and Mary Anne are both very nice. And neither of them appears to have a blog of their own!

    8. a.
    The Pentagon actually considered building a bomb that would make enemy soldiers gay.

    9. d.
    The place is crawling with Canadians and we love that!

    10. c.
    Merry aspires to run a 401k before she dies.

    11. The humiliated hottie is of course Kelly from Fitness Fixation.

    12. c.
    Guys who google apparently liked the post on Great Big Bouncy Breasts--until they discovered it was about sports bras and leotards.

    13. Leah from The Goat's Lunch Pail, Reb from Sibu Pegasus Power, and The Bag Lady from Bag Lady's Blather are all related, in a sisterly and cousinly fashion.

    14. d.
    Crabby still, obviously, writes in the third person sometimes. Like, um now. But not every post. Sometimes I actually write like a normal person too.

    13. e.
    All of the above, duh! Cranky Fitness readers truly rock.

  2. ok, my answer.

    All of the above!

    (a proud Canadian who didn't make into this years Cranky Year quiz but will vow to do better next year...)

  3. Great quiz, Crabby. I'm pleased to say that I answered many of them correctly. Thanks for the shout out to the blog and I'm absolutely tickled to be mentined.
    Congratulations on the blogiversary. I'm looking forward to many, many more years of Cranky Fitness.
    May I say the Provincetown Crab looks happy?

  4. Mentioned. I can spell. My finger slipped.

  5. Thanks leah and Marijke!

    Sorry Marijke, afraid there is no way to even get close to working in all the awesome Cranky Fitness friends with just a few quiz questions. I was hoping to cover a lot of ground with "Canadians".

    But perhaps next year, because your blogs are indeed worth mentioning over and over!

  6. **waves at crab**


    (pours a toast from a swanky bottle of Met Rx)

    and many many more of whatever it is youd want more of---


  7. Happy Anniversary Cranky Fitness! Looking forward to another year of entertaining & informative reads. :)

  8. This Canadian wants to congratulate you on your first full year. How cool is that? Very amusing quiz and I'm glad that you decided to shed your shell and allow us to put a face to your character.

  9. We Canadians love Crabby!

    ...and what a fox she is! :P

  10. Groan. You had to do something to point out how bad my memory is. I did get some of them, but mostly I said "I should know that!" and didn't.
    Another thing I don't remember is how long after the beginning I found this. Crabby and coffee have gone together forever, it seems.

    Mary Anne, blogless in Kentucky

  11. Crabby! You cut your hair!! (hehehe, am I the only commenter who knew what you REALLY looked like?) (and does this mean the Bag Lady has to "come out" too?)

    Thanks so much for the mention - the Bag Lady never would have existed if it hadn't been for you and a couple others, who shall remain nameless in order for you to bask in the glory on your anniversary!!

    Here's to another terrific year **lifts coffee cup in toast**, and many more to come!!! (got almost all the answers right, and am wearing my Slanket right now!!!!)

  12. Happy anniversary!

    I don't know what thrilled me more, reading Cranky fitness for a year, or being smart enough to know most of the answers to the quiz.


  13. Happy blogiversary! (and Tax Day! o.o)

  14. Happy Blogiversary!!


  15. Congrats on your one-year! I have a LOT of catch-up reading to do ...

  16. Tax day, last day to enter the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest (for the worst sentence ever written), and best of all, the blogversary!

    Happy anniversary, Crabby! I like this picture even better than your "Vampire Cat" photo from the other day.

    And thank you for writing such a cool blog and keeping it up for a whole year! Yay!

  17. Wow, I always feel really new around here since I rarely comment and everyone else chats back and forth... but I actually knew most of the answers! Is it sad that I can remember what a slanket is but can't remember my sister's birthday?

  18. Happy 1 Year! I'm honored to have been a guest poster at Cranky Fitness and have immensely enjoyed the past 2 months (when I started reading...)

  19. Happy blogiversary! I'm so happy to have found your blog, and to read it, and now to be able to have a mental image of you other than, yknow, a crab.

  20. That is the funniest test I've ever taken!

  21. Holly (also blogless!)April 15, 2008 at 12:25 PM

    Oh My Gawsh! I got my own question wrong! I thought perhaps Mary Anne had an obsession with male underwear models too and that somehow I had missed it!

    Happy Anniversary! (I knew it yesterday when you taunted us, but used every bit of restraint not to shout it out!)

  22. Love those pics!!!!! (Hey, legwarmers are making a comeback!)
    Happy birthday, and say hi to P-Town for me!

  23. Happy Anniversary! (if Matt Damon was busy, perhaps Ben Affleck was available?). Am very much looking forward to seeing what this year of Cranky Fitness will entail!

  24. yay!!! Happy Anniversary, I can't believe I've been with you almost all the way (I joined the blogworld in June.)

    Also, glad to know you don't really have pinchers and eyes that stick out of the top of your head : )

  25. I'm supposed to be away from my computer today...I only skimmed the post...I have to come back and digest it in a little while! but I had to sneak in to say

    Happy blog birthday!

  26. OMG we have so much in common! I, too, just gave birth to a jail inmate while driving cross-country to audition for American Idol and the guest judge was f*cking Matt Damon!

    Happy anniversary, Crabby! Mazel tov.

  27. Congrats on 1 Year!! Happy Anniv.

  28. Oh, and after one year you might want to add your new image to your sidebar... ;)

  29. Crabby, Happy blogiversary! Thanks for mentioning me in this very special post! We are going to have to make you an honourary Canadian.

    You look so happy in P-town - great photo. Here's to another great year!

  30. Wonderful!! I discovered Crankyfitness through a comment on Jim Foster's Diet-Blog and have been a fan ever since!

    Thank you!

    Dr. J

  31. i recently had my 1 year anniversary too! i figured it didn't count though, because i abandoned my blog in july, and came back to it in november. but congrats! and i actually knew the answers to some of the questions!

  32. Wohoo!
    Happy birthday.
    We luvs the Crab!

  33. Happy anniversary, Crabby dear.

    Kiwis love crabs - it's a scientifically proven fact

  34. Happy anniversary Cranky Fitness. The internet wouldn't be the same without you. Looking forward to a long future of cantankerous-ness.

  35. Hi Crabby! Unfortunately, I failed the quiz miserably as I am a new fan of your blog. But I fully intend to
    a) quit my job (I don't like it right now anyways), stop seeing my imaginary boyfriend, abandon my plants (no children)
    b) stalk your blog for the next 365 days so as to NOT fail next year's quiz!

    Happy Anniversary!

  36. Well darn it, I was hoping to hover over the blog and respond more thoroughly to comments today but got called off to other important (but not very exciting) duties.

    So thanks everyone!!! Cranky Fitness really does get the best, nicest, smartes commenters, and I have no idea why but I'm damn grateful for it.

    Hate to skip around, but:

    MaryAnne--funny, but Crabby and Coffee go together in my household too! You rarely see one without the other.

    Laura--well, maybe you could buy your sister a Slanket for her next birthday? OK, maybe not! Thanks for stopping in and saying hi!

    Holly, thanks for not spoiling the surprise! I think we need to reward you (and a few other gals) with a few more scantily clad male underwear models whenever we can find the next good excuse.

    Hilary, that graphic is amusing but also somehow quite disturbing! (Note to self: hide image from Lobster or it will be a lonely summer!)

    Leslie, you too??!! What a coincidence. Thanks!

    Dr. J: I SO wanted to work you into the quiz, since you're totally an institution at CF! But I couldn't think of a good question. The blog would not be the same without you, so you are never allowed to stop commenting. (Not quite sure how I'm going to enforce this. Anyone know how much it costs to employ Goons? What does a experienced Goon make per hour?)

    Sutefanni--we LOVE stalkers! Thanks for finding us, and hope you hang around.

  37. My one year anniversary is April 25th.

    Has time flown by . . .

    -- P

  38. Penelope, is that the same as 7 blog years for a human? Happy almost-seventh anniversary!

    Oh wait, I guess that would be 7 years for dog bloggers, not cats. (Hey, are there any dog bloggers? Or is it only cats and rabbits who blog?)

  39. The Princess could blog, but her spelling is atrocious...

  40. I knew it was going to be a one year anniversary too without even checking the back posts, AND I knew all the answers to the questions, because I've read a ton of the archives (most with coffee), so I feel really smug right now, because I also knew you were a cutie patootie under that crustacean exterior. ;D

    I'm flabbergasted that nobody else caught that The Crab was photographed in a place where one would be likely to go crab fishing, in a harbor, LOL! You look great for such a long cross country trip, back again in your natural habitat, only on the opposite coast. Provincetown, Yay!

    Happy Anniversary to you and Cranky Fitness, and may the universe bestow upon you and yours many wonderful blessings!

  41. Aw Bag Lady, c'mon, give Princess her own blog! Or perhaps at least a post or two.

    And thanks so much TK! (And yeah, there is a fairly high mortality rate for both crabs and lobsters around here but we'll be careful. I have to say they're mighty tasty and I may have to engage in a bit of cannibalism myself).

  42. Happy Birthday Crabby! (This really is Aaron this time, and not Katieo.)

  43. Holly: I thought perhaps Mary Anne had an obsession with male underwear models too and that somehow I had missed it!

    Not obsessed, since the underwear on both male and female models is usually ugly enough to make me just close my eyes. *I* wondered if you were my allergy sister.

    Mary Anne in Kentucky, with maple pollen

  44. Hey Crabby,
    Just saw you on YouTube! Very Cool.
    Keep up the good work.

    Landry's Mom

  45. That was a cool interview! I was impressed. And the pictures look just like Crabby!

    (Yes, Crabby, that is a godo thing. ;)

    Although... I did look at those photos shot by the harbor and wonder how many of those ships were going to set sail (or motor) toward the crab hunting grounds :(

  46. Sorry... slipped into dialect* there... a godo thing is also known as a good thing.

    *You can get away with a lot of typos if you blame them on your dialect... it's cultural then, so people can't blame you. ;)


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