April 04, 2008

Random Friday: teenagers, sleep, and sex with stopwatches

[By Merry, by gosh]

Here's another candidate for the Didn't we just see a study about that? category:
Eating breakfast helps teens lose weight. Old news, you say? Well, yes, but it's apparently not sinking in. Surely, the best way to make sure you do not eat any breakfast is to eat a high-fat meal late at night.

That's why I'm irked with Taco Bell for promoting this Fourth Meal concept. You've probably never darkened the halls of this fast-food joint, but they're pushing the idea of adding another meal between dinner and breakfast. Trust me, bean sprouts are not on the menu. Granted, teenagers often make stupid food choices (unless they've changed radically in the last 20 years), but you want them to eat breakfast!

Oh all right, I'll stop. The world isn't perfect, and I'll have to accept that. I do wish there were a Complaints' department for all the things in the world that irk me. (Mind you, it would have to be a pretty big Complaints' department.)

On the other hand, this has been a great week for high-class posts on this blog.
Thanks to Charlotte, you're prepared to deal with any pregnant women (including yourself, if applicable) with appreciation for their size -- they have a reason to gain a few extra pounds. And frankly, it's nice not to be judged in any case. Unless you're in a beauty pageant, like this size 16 teenager. (I like the idea of everyone being in good shape, but I like the idea of people not being sneered at even more.)

Note: This doesn't apply to Fast Food corporations. Please be judgmental about them.

As luck would have it, a lot of this week's guest blogs would come in handy if you want to overcome the Fast Food Corporations and their evil machinations. (Hey, if you can't be profound, use big words.)

  • You can bet that Ashley didn't make a habit of late-night runs to the nearest greasy spoon when she lost 60 pounds.
  • And Jen gave some good tips on how to kick ass -- or at least improve the one you're sitting on. (And I'm especially glad that she put up with all the 'bottom' puns, even though they must have seemed 'end'less. Okay, okay. I'm finished. Honest.)
  • If you take Lisa's advice about planning your shopping trips, then you won't need to go for a late-night fast food run in the first place.
  • And if you take Monica's advice and make exercise part of your daily life, you'd be too pleasantly tired in the evening to want to drive around looking for fast food.

Another study that sounds strangely familiar: sleeping is the key to weight loss. Less than 7 or more than 9 hours a night, you're apt to put on the pounds. I love how specific they are. They even specify the different hours of sleep recommended for people of different ages.

If you happen to have a teenager in your vicinity, and they get cranky in the evening hours, perhaps they don't need more late-night meals. Another study claimed that surly teenagers need 9 hours and 12 minutes of sleep at night. (I especially love that "and 12 minutes" part. What happens if they only get 9 hours and 4 minutes sleep? Are they only going to be mildly cranky?)

lolcats funny cat pictures

Then again, those crazy scientists time everything. A new study out claims that the "optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes." (No, not counting foreplay.) What amused me about this study was that the scientists, who studied heterosexual couples, equipped all the women with stopwatches. Geez, no pressure there. And is nothing private any more? Next thing you know, they'll be timing how long people spend reading blogs at work!

Have a great weekend everyone! By next week, I hope to hear some news from our travelin' crab.


  1. LOVED the story about the size 16 model!! It's about freakin' time! And she really is gorgeous... kinda reminds the Bag Lady of herself... Bwahahahahahaha Okay, maybe not so much.

  2. Bag Lady, I liked the self-confidence of the girl. At 17, I wouldn't have been bold enough to wear a bikini even though I was in pretty good shape. I like the idea of not hiding yourself away from the world, but being openly accepting about your shape.
    I also like the idea of getting more caffeine into my system. I know what I mean to say, but it's coming out completely garbled. @!$@^, %@^@^?

  3. Merry, when the Bag Lady was 17, she wore a bikini. It looked rather like someone glued a couple pieces of fabric onto a stick. (Oh, what she wouldn't give to have that figure back now!)

  4. (Fourth meal? Are you kidding Taco Bell?)

    Merry, this made me laugh out loud: "Note: This doesn't apply to Fast Food corporations. Please be judgmental about them."

    Agree. :)

  5. Hmmm, 3-13 minutes? I hate to be an outlier on a scale.

  6. I think we can all agree teenagers will be cranky regardless of the number of hours of sleep.

  7. The first thought that ran through my head was "Good for Her!" I hope she has a wonderful career as a plus size model.

    Taco Bell...***shudder***

  8. I'm with Red.. you mean there are teenagers that aren't cranky?

  9. It reminds me of a story. Someone called my house at 8 a.m. looking for FD who is a family doctor. The guy was at the lab and the lab needed an order. I couldn't help him and he got frustrated and said, "I'm FASTING here."

    Like this is a bad thing, fasting between dinner and breakfast.

  10. I am way proud of our size 16 winner. SheMs beautiful and deserves to be recognized for it, despite her size.
    3-13 minutes?? Really?? they should make sure they include under 40 couples in these studies. I can guarantee it's longer than that in my house...

  11. One thing I just noticed was that the size 16 beauty contestant lists her occupation as a "Beauty Therapy student." What the bejabbers is that? Someone who provides therapy for people who suffer the misfortune of being beautiful? Or who shows beautiful pictures to people who are undergoing therapy? Or what? Now I'm really curious!

  12. I'd say if you're busy 13 minutes sounds about right. combine that with foreplay, cuddling and post shower and right there you've just lost an hour of sleep :P hopefully if you have the right man in bed with you though, it was worth it.

    oh and when I was a teenager I'm pretty sure I needed more like 16 hours a night, not even kidding.

  13. In our house it's referred to as "Taco Hell". But on occasion when we can't find an In-N-Out, we'll stop, but since we don't believe their "meat" came anywhere near an animal we order our taco supremes with refried beans instead.
    On the subject of in-n-out, 13 minutes is about 3 times too short just for that part, and we're officially over the hill now, LOL!
    I had to sleep about 12 hours as a teen on summer break, zzzzzz!

  14. Great bunch of studies!

    So three to thirteen minutes is "optimal?" How can anyone claim to know what's optimal in that department? And how the hell do studies like that get funded when we still haven't cured cancer yet?

    Oops, I seem to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...

    Am missing everyone, and will be back in some form or another next week.

  15. Best thing I've read all day: "This doesn't apply to Fast Food corporations. Please be judgmental about them."

    And is it bad that I honestly don't know how long sex takes us? I'm seriously tempted to break out my stopwatch. Besides,numbers kind of turn me on;) Shhhhh.

  16. Merry, there's a mis-link when I clicked on 'Ashley' for her post. Just FYI.

  17. That fourth meal concept is hilarious. Oh ridiculous, ridiculous Taco Bell...

  18. A fourth meal? Why don't I just slap those burritos on my ass and save my jaw the chewing work those antacid tablets.

    Love the story of the size 16 model!

  19. I'm sniggering uncontrollably at the thought of the poor sod who actually *wrote* a grant proposal about timing and length of optimal sex.
    And I'm not entirely surprised he got funded. You would not *believe* the stuff cancer research has to compete against for funding...and the sorts of "data" that come out of them. I wonder at why people bother to tabulste that sort of info...
    On a side note: Personally, if someone timed me having sex I'd just go at it longer to skew the data...but that's just me. :)


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