June 13, 2007

Gay Bombs, Watch Out Below!

The headline sounded too silly to be true: "Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb.'"

Crabby tried to picture what a "Gay Bomb" could possibly be. Would the army actually seek to engineer and deploy exploding homosexuals?

The United States government seems to have an irrational dislike of gay people, but even for them, that sounded extreme.

But no, this was a way better idea than blowing gays up--the Pentagon seriously thought about building a bomb that would create more gay people. Out of enemy soldiers! Cool beans, as a young person might say.

Crabby is going to borrow extensively from reporter Hank Plante's informative article, just 'cause he did a good job and she's lazy. (Crabby hopes nice ol' Hank won't sue her for copyright infringement. She's not exactly clear on how much borrowing is "fair use"--lots and lots, is what she's hoping).

So anyway, a guy named Edward Hammond, whom we hope is a long-haired hippie peacenik (since he's from something called the "Sunshine Project" in Berkeley) but whom we suspect is just a regular boring attorney or something, did some digging. And he found an Air Force chemical weapons proposal.

What did this proposal propose, exactly? "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs," it said, "especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior." The Air Force lab then asked for $7.5 million to develop this "gay bomb."

The Pentagon actually confirmed this: the proposal was made in 1994. A Department of Defense spokesperson claimed that the idea was quickly dismissed, but Hammond (the hippie, we still hope) says otherwise. He contends that the Pentagon used this gay bomb idea repeatedly "and in fact they submitted it to the highest scientific review body in the country for them to consider."

Wow.

So, um, is it too late? A bomb that would spread aphrodisiacs; a chemical that would target warring soldiers bent on killing other soldiers and sometimes innocent civilians, a bomb so terrible it would turn them instead into loving, possibly same-sex attracted, Romance Machines?

Where can we get this stuff?

First stop for our bombing runs: the White House and the Pentagon. Next: a good chunk of Red State Middle America.

Is that all we need, $7.5 million? Crabby is so, so ready to donate.

39 comments:

  1. "What the world needs now..."(yes, that song)
    This is so out there, so far-fetched it must be true. I hope so.
    I totally agree with your plan on where to detonate first.
    Bomb now! Now! I'll donate too.

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  2. Make hot man-on-man love, not war!

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  3. You go, girls (Crabby, Leah, and CG). Straights need to get in better touch with their gay side. It would do a lot to create a more rational discourse around any number of issues. Perhaps that cynical provocateur, Ann Coulter, could be among the laboratory test subjects for the gay bomb. I'm reminded of when Coulter called John Edwards a fag. News media referred to this as a "slur." Their response was very telling about the extent to which homophobia permeates our society. It's a pity that Edwards didn't have the aplomb to reply, "I am honored to be mistaken for a gay man."

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  4. Wow! A love bomb! Do you think they might like to share it with NZ? We all need a little loving!

    Amorous gay sheep everywhere, rampantly romantic kiwis roaming the countryside looking for love - Peter Jackson could make a movie out of it!

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  5. OMG what if there was an accident and it blanketed North America!? A whole nation riveted to Will & Grace reruns! And what would happen to Queer Eye if there's no more straight guys?

    My head hurts now.

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  6. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  7. A new meaning and action for "make love, not war?" :P

    I can't help to think though, that this seems to be like a silly thing for our gov't to be spending money on. :/

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  8. i'm gay in texas, if u bomb here, i won't want to sleep with ann coulter, will i? aaagggghhh i have to wash my fingers with soap, i just typed her name

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  9. Sounds like this board is full of homo liberals.Screw that, just stick to conventional bombs, i say nuke them all, it worked in Japan, it will worl in Iran.

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  10. Why do you all think being gay is so natural? Can gays/lesbians procreate? Stop pushing your leftist/gay/ radical agendas down my throat or I'll start pushing my libertarian agenda down yours.

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  11. Hi all,
    Just popping in briefly because I'm in the midst of an Exciting Adventure I can't quite step away from yet.

    An earlier comment was deleted because it was spam; and now one has just come in saying "nuke the homos." I'll be happy to take it down if anyone would like me too. Just say something here or email me.

    Oops, on edit, here comes another.

    On the other hand, I think these people make an excellent argument for the need to deploy our love-bomb sooner rather than later. So I'll leave them for now.

    Thanks everyone else, for the great contributions! (And I'll start taking stuff down if things get too out of hand.)

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  12. Okay, Crabby, so I read your post three times then clicked on the link and read the news article twice. I couldn't find the punch line.

    The Pentagon has nothing better to do than think up stuff like this???

    And if the chemical landed on our soldiers and they all became gay or lesbian, would they have to leave the service under "Don't ask, don't tell"?

    To anonymous: I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of expression, which includes your right to share your opinion. However, I must correct one thing, Crabby is not pushing any agenda down your throat. She posted information on her blog. You chose to read it.

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  13. Hi again!

    So sorry not to respond individually tonight (some days are like that), but the weird people seem to be gone now. Thanks so much, Leah & Chicken Girl & Appleton & Dawn & Frank & Sera, & Terrie and First Anonymous. You all rock.

    And while Crabby is a proponent of Free Speech, she can't help noticing that Anonymous 2 & 3 seem to be, well, kinda dumb. She would be happy to debate them a bit more on the specifics of their arguments (or let you all loose to do it much better) but she senses the trouble makers are long gone and it wouldn't be worth our time.

    Thanks again, everyone!

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  14. Well, for once I'm speechless. Utterly speechless.

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  15. Insulting anonymous commenters are always a little dumb, and most of all cowards. Else they wouldn't post anonympusly, right? ;)

    I'm still trying to figure out if this is really serious stuff. But if it could prevent certain moronic people from going on reproducing, I wouldn't say no. :p (Oh wait, no, they aren't going to launch it on themselves... Hmm... Insert corrupted launch data, maybe?)

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  16. Anonymous is a little testy and a little confused about libertarians in my opinion. I expect though that if you are offended by a blog, stop reading it (sorry Crabby) or better yet, start your own and attract other homophobes such as yourself.
    I think this bomb is a smashingly good idea. We could bomb the middle of a fighting field and the enemy will become our lovers! Next would be redneck bars. Then the Arizona Mexico boarder. Fabulous! Maybe we could just send chests and chests of the drug ecstasy and they just won't feel like fighting anymore. They will just hug and cuddle.

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  17. My (anonymous #3) point was that every time you turn around you have some half-crazed person trying to force their way of life or belief on you, and if you don't agree that you are somehow a redneck, right wing idiot, or homophobe. If you believe you are gay, fine. But stop trying to tell my 11 year old daughter that it is normal. Accepted, yes. But MY belief is that she should learn morals at home and not 'the village'. It doesn't take a village to raise a child, far from it. It takes parents with dedication and love. I'd rather not have the government or any social programs forced upon me. I just finished with a Child Protective Services investigation of my family because I was 'neglecting' my daughter. How so you may ask? Because the school counselor believes our daughter should be in counseling for the rest of her life. Now, my daughter is a fun, lively, happy 11 year old who would come home sullen and withdrawn after talking to this counselor at school. She was rather creeped out by the woman actually. CPS found the charges unfounded after weeks of investigation. No Appleton, I've never had a 'gay side' and never even entertained the idea. I came across this blog quite by accident. Yes, I am in the military. Do I think our leaders make the right decision 100% of the time? No. Samantha, do I think any of the ideas floated by the posters to this blog are anything more than heterosexual hate-speach? No. Kery, I post anonymous because I don't have a blogging identity. Like I said, coming across this little stright hate-fest you have going on here was totoally by accident. Do I have gay friends? Yes actually. We don't talk politics (usually) or sexual orientation. I don't run around with my wanger hanging out or performing sex with my wife out in the open and he does the same with his boyfriend. Its called mutual respect. I find most gays and lesbians respect strights. But a small vocal minority can't stand treating others with respect and bring out the worst from the other side.
    Back to the war subject... I know you all want to end the war. Fine. Nobody WANTS a war. Daniel Pearl didn't want his throat cut slowly while he died in agony. Not all Muslims are radicals. Not all white southerners are racist. The radical element of the Muslim faith has been killing innocent Americans since the 70's. Maybe longer, it's late and I didn't look further back in the data that that. If you truly believe that if the US pulled all of its troops out of the middle east tomorrow that somehow the terrorists would make peace, you are sadly mistaken.

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  18. Hi Jennifer and Keri & Samantha!
    thanks so much and sorry for the quick comments on this one!

    Hi anonymous 3,
    Well, we disagree about so many things there's probably no point in going through them all.

    But I do think that gay people minding their own business and simply desiring equal rights isn't 'forcing' anything other than simple equality; no one is asking you to be gay, other than in jest. (However, if we can get our hands on 7.5 million, then watch out!)

    And I think most actual Libertarians would disagree with your gay rights stance. But anyway, thanks for showing up and trying to explain your views.

    As someone named "Crabby McSlacker," I can't really complain too much about anonymity!

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  19. Wow, Anonymous -- chill out, man. "Straight hate-fest" is hardly what this is about. I believe homosexuality is normal. No one asks to be gay. No one is "converted." Homosexuality is found in the full spectrum of biological expression, among many other species besides homo sapiens.

    You may have heard of the Kinsey scale, which rates individuals from 1 to 6 (completely hetero to completely homo). Maybe you're a 1; if so, you are in a minority. Kinsey found that most people he studied fall between 1 and 6.

    Don't call it a "gay side" if that makes you uncomfortable. Call it an open-to-other-points-of-view side. Whoever the vocal subset of gays may be that act in ways that, as you say, bring out the worst in the other side, consider the fact that most gay people have no choice but to be open to other points of view, let's call these POV's the overwhelming trumpeting of heterosexuality that surrounds us from birth. Most of us are incredibly courteous and accommodating, considering the hate-speech and murder that has been visited upon us for so long and that continues. Most of us do not have sex in public or even show as much physical affection in public as your typical hetero. But some bold gays are sick and tired of the hypocrisy that says hate the sin but love the sinner and have no tolerance for anyone's desire that they stay in the shadows to please the bigots in the world; these men and women act out. Instead of being offended, think beyond the action that offends you to the motives and history behind them. ... Thank you for accepting homosexuals and having gay friends.

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  20. I love when people go to their happy place, bomb or no :-)
    Dr.J

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  21. Nothing that the gov. does would surprise me. They probably rejected the idea because it wasn't violent enough for their tastes. I (unfortunately) have first-hand knowledge of what f___ idiots the gov and CIA are. Back in the cold-war-fear era when I was a kid, I was used in experiments. They were trying to keep up with the Russians and Chinese. The "experiments" ranged from the ridiculous to the horrifying.

    Wendy

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  22. I got off on a little tangent in my earlier post and wanted to add that I absolutely agree with appleton and others who gave accurate info. Gays deserve rights, respect and everything that straights get. Just like it boggled my mind when I thought about discrimination re. race years ago, it makes no sense to me to discriminate against someone because of sexual orientation, which is a fact of life not a choice. There's just way too much hate and ignorance in the world.
    Wendy

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  23. Thanks Wendy,
    Sorry to hear about your experiences. And I really appreciate your thoughts about the need for less hatred in the world! Thanks so much for visiting.

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  24. Leave it to us Puritans to come up with a "sex bomb".

    According to Karen, 1994 was about the same time as "don't ask don't tell"-- isn't that an irony!

    Lord, what will we do now: blow up an entire country under false pretences?

    Hook em Horns,

    -- P (the cat)

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  25. like our poor kids over there don't have enough to worry about.....talk about "protect your rear"!!!!!

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  26. i'm not prejudiced against gays or anyone, i just don't like having what goes on in peoples private lives in my face every time i turn on the tv or tune into public anywhere.

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  27. Oh man, I rarely leave comments on blogs but this one was too good to resist. I could fend off mean things others have to say about homosexuality but let them be ignorant. I, myself, am a lesbian and while it would surprise people I'm probably more conservative than many straight people I know and I'm also a Christian, a Catholic in fact. (And I converted to Catholicism long after realizing I'm gay)

    That seems like such an oxymoron that some of the commenters will never get it through their heads. But I just laugh, really. A gay bomb sounds hilarious but if there was a bomb that would make females gay, then I'd be a lot more interested, for obvious reasons. If you connect being gay with peace... a lot could come from that.

    This was quite an amusing concept to ponder.

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  28. Hey this is pj and I'm finding this blog very amusing. Especially the person that is having a hard time turning on the tv and having gay stuff shoved in her face each time. I say "get a life" you homophobe and quit watching tv! She's probably so unsmart that she's watching LOGO tv without realizing it's a gay channel...ha. Here's a little something to add. My (dry) alcoholic brother raised 4 children so poorly that my gay partner and I are "reparenting" the oldest one. At 20 he ended up in jail for 9 months. It wasn't his dad that made weekly visits and no one loved him enough to take him home. He was homeless since 17 and used drugs and alcohol. His mother took her life when he was 15. It was a living hell the first 6 months but now after 2 years he's 23 and is getting A's in college. This angry child is the love of our life. He's so happy! So much for traditional family BS.... SO the next time you see an angry child acting out, think, why doesn't this child feel loved.

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  29. to the anonymous person who doesn't like people throwing their beliefs in her face all the time. Have you ever stopped and thought that straight people do this to us "gay" people all the time. I know everyone is not going to believe the way i do. Also, I didn't like the comment "But stop trying to tell my 11 year old daughter that it is normal." I do feel being gay is normal, such as being straight is. I don't mean to tell you how to raise your daughter, however that is what many speak of you. You are putting your beliefs in her head. Let her figure it out on her own. Your role should be to guide her, not tell her what you think is or isn't. I am a gay man, and I didn't have a choice in it. I don't feel god would have created me this way if was going to hate me for it.

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  30. Hi Meg!
    I suspect being both gay and Catholic must be tricky at times, with all kinds of people making assumptions about what you must think that may not be true at all. Thanks so much for stopping by!

    Hi PJ,
    Wow, that's so cool the way you and your partner helped him turn his life around after he had such crappy parenting to begin with. It does seem like often the loudest proponents of "traditional" values mean traditions like domestic violence, screwed up relationships and oppression of women. Thanks for commenting here!

    Hi Jason,
    I totally agree with you--its so weird that some straight people think that the very mention or existence of gay people is something they should have the "right" to be protected from. And that whole stupid idea that if something isn't in the majority, that makes it's wrong and abnormal--like being left handed or blond? Thanks for taking taking the time to comment.

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  31. To the anonymous poster who is tired of having other people's opinions shoved in his or her face all the time: I am tired of outdated, dinosaur opinions shoved in MY face all the time. How do you like that? I am tired of you and people like you! Ha, HA!

    It used to be that dinosaurs knew they were dinosaurs and would shut up. I hate this trend that bigots and bores have that everyone cares to know that they are so offended. Guess what? I don't care if you are offended that I like gays. I don't care if you think I'm stupid just because I'm a woman.

    It's OLD and it only makes you seem like a person no one would want to know. Either learn to get along, or remove yourself from the public you seem to loathe so much. That is all!

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  32. Wait, that is not all!
    To sweet Miss Crabby, yes, of course you should delete those trolling, vitriolic comments. That's not free speech, it's hate speech! Don't contribute to it. Don't coddle them. Maybe they'll grow up and actually contribute to a conversation instead of derail it.

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  33. Hi Angry Lady!
    Thanks so much for stopping by. I guess, on the bright side, even 10 years ago probably most of the comments would have been like the ones we find objectionable. I think it's great that the majority of people who left comments jumped all over them. So I think I may let their comments stand, at least for now--just to remind the rest of us that there are still idiots out there who want to "nuke" all gay people. To me, they look awfully stupid.

    Thanks again for visiting!

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  34. okay folks, want to know how most people really feel but don't dare say 'cause "someone might be offended"? ok. I don't care what goes on in the privacy of your bedroom. I don't care how u dress, what u do. I am a single parent of 4 with 27 foster children and yes, despite my guidance, they are gay. I love them. Simple as that. But when my children grew up, it was in the day of FORCED ACCEPTANCE. I feel that i've been put in a corner and told to accept this in your face tactic, or i'm somesort of odd-ball, racist, and "labeled". Gays have equal rights, forced upon the country, based on the privacy of personal lives. They have gay rights marches. Well, if EVERYONE marched in the streets with picket signs demanding equal rights because they take it up the butt, or whatever you do, we'd all be in jail. Do you think our forefathers fought so hard for equal rights just so gays demand jobs, or whatever, just because they are queer? People, wake the hell up. You can't smoke anymore in most places. you can't get jobs to raise your kids because someone with a gay rights bill behind them gets the job. you can't get your kids into collage because someone with "minority rights" gets in first. Come on, think about it. Are we still in America, or do we now live in Happy Valley run by gays? I know many, many gays. Doesn't GAY mean happy? Doesn't QUEER mean odd, or strange? Don't think gays are any happier than me, and i'm a bit strange myself. Just live your life as you want, but for Christ's sake, the next time you come in to have a job interview with me, leave your bedroom at home.

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  35. oops,,,,,just said i have 4 kids and 27 foster kids and they are gay. NOPE WRONG 2 are gay and 2 like to play,,,,,,but they know to RESPECT THEIR MOTHER AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT DESERVES IT,,,NOT DEMANDS IT

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  36. hey, anyone just read about the fedws finally shutting the door on the oxy makers? I have so many peoplewho have died, their families destroyed, are in to the oxy's so heavy. And the same feds won't leaglize medical marijuana. My eldest daughter sets in federal prison right now for oxys. you wouldn't want to hear the things she has done for this drug. I have 4 children and 27 "spares" over the years. She is the only druggie. The other kids have all given up on her. She won't speak to me. Several of my other children and friends smoke pot. They are all active, productive, with lives, and children, and tax paying jobs. The government gave the oxy's to my daughter. We are afraid of the government for the pot. Somebody explain this to me please. Not some hemp-hater, but someone with common sense. thank you for your time.

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