So if you happen to celebrate Christmas, or some other winter holiday (Festivus, anyone?) you may be racking your brains right now trying to find gifts for your loved ones. Alternatively, you may be trying to defend against Wildly Inappropriate Presents yourself by telling your loved ones what you actually want.
But that's not always easy. Things we really want (fame, fortune, happiness, beauty, love, inner peace, flat abs, round-the-world luxury cruises) usually can't be purchased at a department store. And if we really really want something and it's realistic and affordable? Guess what, we probably already went out and bought it.
A useful health and fitness blog might, at this point, make some suggestions for healthy products you could ask for or give to your friends... but we're not in that kind of mood today! Instead, it's time for a test. Sharpen your pencils.
Don't worry, it's multiple choice and it's only one question.
(By the way, for those of you have actually made a Christmas list already and want to share it, Lady Rose over at the Diet Pulpit is collecting them. She'll link to your blog if you post your list on it).
Anyway, on with the quiz!
Which of these five items would Crabby Like For Christmas?
(And yes, these are all real; several are from the "Solutions" catalog, which comes in the mail and is sort of like a Sharper Image for women).
1. Dog Fingerpainting Kit!
With everything your dog needs to create three one-of-a-kind masterpieces.
For only $24.95!
True, Crabby doesn't have a dog, and $25 does seem rather a lot to spend for what's probably $2 worth of paint and some saran wrap. But look how intellectual those doggies look, and maybe they didn't look that way before they started!
[Note: Precious little doggy French beret not included. But there is a "surprise toy." Perhaps it's a pack of Gauloises!]
[One more note: Due to technical difficulties (Crabby doesn't know how to format this properly) we need a little more text to fill in here just to make sure the next picture doesn't crawl up here and cause trouble like it did on Preview.]
[Okay, maybe just one more paragraph, to be sure. Note to self: center photo next time, fer goodnesssake!]
2. Screw With Your Loved Ones: The Gift That Won't Start Giving
"Solve the maze... Claim the gift!"
Yep, you put a gift inside--suggestions include money and jewelry--but the recipient has to "guide a steel ball through a maze" first to get the gift! Nice, huh?
[Note: Sledgehammer, anvil, and divorce lawyer not included].
3. The Slanket!
Whoa: It's Blanket with Sleeves -- a Slanket! You have to love an item so totally original they had to give it a new name. How come no one ever thought of this handy item before? (Oh wait, maybe they did... about 5000* years ago! Some obscure item called a robe).
*Or 50,000 or 3,000 or whatever. Anyone know when robes were invented? It probably wasn't 2007.
4. The Two-Assed Toilet
It's a "TwoDaLoo - A Supertoilet That Saves Rocky Marriages and The Planet."
Yes, it's a real product, not a gag, although apparently it's not in production yet. And good news, if you don't feel like chatting with your Significant Other over your mutual morning business, there's an upgraded version that includes "a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station!" Note: Minimum order 12.
5. Gum Drops!
Do we need to explain Gum Drops? No we do not. They are Candy.
Time To Put Down Your Pencils!
So are you ready with your guesses? Is The Suspense getting to be too much?
Crabby chooses (Surprise!), number 3, The Slanket.
You thought it was going to be the gumdrops, didn't you?
True, gumdrops are candy, but they are not good candy. A good candy, by definition, is a chocolate-based confection. It may also contain caramel, nuts, and certain non-fruit flavored nougats. Crabby would not waste treadmill time on gumdrops.
So why The Slanket, aside from its cool name?
Well, Crabby has been considering the idea of starting her own religion, Crabbyism. Or perhaps Crankyism, that's good too. So she'll need to stock up on Slankets because don't they look like perfect apparel for starting your own cult or fringe religion? Just look at the woman wearing her garment. She seems so totally
So, are any of you hankering for any particular sort of holiday gift? Ever received anything awful? Any other thoughts about gifts, whether naughty or nice? (And just pretend you don't notice this post has nothing to do with Health or Fitness--that can be your gift to Cranky Fitness).