April 26, 2007
Great Big Bouncy Breasts!
Should Google ever discover Crabby's blog, future arrivals to the site are going to be very disappointed to discover this is a post about sports bras. But she promised readers we'd return to Steaming Hot Throbbing Health and Fitness news soon, and she's afraid a vaguely salacious post title is the best they're going to get.
Actually, the post isn't even about bras per se, because Crabby (who is afflicted with a mild version of GBBB), can't even remember the heavy-duty brand she wears. This is more generally about the problem of bouncing while exercising.
Not only is it uncomfortable, but for some women it can attract unwanted attention. A good friend of Crabby's also has GBBB, and she happens to be pretty and has long blonde hair. When she goes running, random men turn right before her eyes into total assh*les. There's a hostility behind their leering catcalls, too, as though she has recklessly caused their testostronic discomfort by daring to run with bouncing boobs.
In any event, Crabby discovered a helpful method to calm down a good percentage of this unwanted motion: in addition to a serious sports bra, wear a snug leotard over it. The leotard eliminates at least half the bounce.
Of course finding a proper fitting leotard is insanely difficult, at least for Crabby. She has the damnedest time finding one that will cover her entire ass. And if there is anything less dignified than racewalking, it is breaking stride to rummage around your posterior and find the edge of the leotard creeping up your butt and move it downward.
This high-riding leotard situation is puzzling. When Crabby puts on poundage, she wears it on her belly, not her butt. So she does not have a particularly large ass. Why then, is it so hard to find a leotard (or swimsuit, for that matter) that can spare enough fabric not to ride up her rear? What do larger women do?
Since the women's apparel industry is market-driven like any other, Crabby can only assume that most women want leotards and swimsuits to crawl up their asses as they move. Quite perplexing.
So readers, do not feel you must limit comments to GBBB, a problem you may not have. Weigh in about anything!