Ever feel like a bit of a fitness square because you're not up on the latest terminology used in fitness circles? Cranky Fitness is here to help. Fitness terms can be confusing, so we've put together an extremely
Aerobic: flying pen. (See above illustration.)
Brag: (from the speaker's point of view) Perfectly healthy self-expression; (from the listener's point of view) unrealistic description of physical prowess.
Cycle: Wash, rinse, and spin on a washing machine.
Dog: Fur-covered personal trainers, dedicated to getting you out of the house every day to exercise. (alt.) Fur-covered annoyances used by your neighbors to make you clean up your lawn more frequently.
Foot: A unit of measurement. Specifically it measures the amount of discomfort the human body can feel when wearing tight shoes.
Half: A requirement, as in "I half to go to the store; I'm outta milk."
Ironman: Character actor, got bumped from The Wizard of Oz in favor of his light-weight cousin the Tinman.
Jog: A reminder. Something that Crabby has to do to my memory when it comes time to post.
Knee: A joint that divides the leg into upper and lower sections. Specifically designed to keep athletes humble.
Lap: A type of dancer, generally perceived as not-quite-respectable.
Marathon: When a TV channel runs several episodes of a television program back to back. Usually occurs over a major holiday when you were hoping to watch something else.
Nike: Greek goddess whose devotees are hip, cool, smug, well-shod, and broke.
Olympic trial: Where you end up if you get in trouble with the Attorney General of the state of Washington.
Personal record: An album, such as Barry Manilow's Greatest Hits, that you hide away so people don't laugh at you.
Run: A small tear in your nylons, generally caused by a playful feline and usually discovered when you're late for work and don't have time to change.
Split: What happens to a banana immediately before it is put in a bowl with ice cream and a cherry on top.
Track meet: A railway junction.
Please feel free to use any and all of these terms the next time you're with a group of
Any other definitions that we should include in this list? Don't be shy; please feel free to offer suggestions. Remember, you'll be doing your bit to help your fellow fitness buffs on the quest for enlightenment.