Hey, this guy can run rings around me anytime...
Confused about all these sports that are suddenly showing up on your television? Help is on the way. Unfortunately, help is running late, so we at Cranky Fitness are filling in with an explanation of some of the terms used in the Olympic Games.
Archery - a sport where two people ("friends") try to outdo each other with snide, coyly playful remarks.
Bronze - fake tanning solution.
Dressage - Fashion show where competitors have to estimate just how out-of-date an outfit is.
Gold - the form of currency most favored by gym managers.
Gymnastics - various competitors try to out do each other in nasty gym behavior. (Don't ask. Really.) Oh all right, if you need to ask, they try to see who can be the first to get to the best treadmill, cycle, or fan. (There. Happy?)
Olympic flame - a scorching blog post about Beijing sports in 2008.
Relay - a second intimate encounter.
Show jumping - competitors strive to prove their dexterity in manipulating a TV remote to switch between Reality shows.
Anyone else have any terms they'd like to define? Getting excited about the Olympics, or is it Not Your Thing?