June 04, 2009

Which Exercise Is Right For You?

Good Lord, what are earth are you doing here? Sorry, you made a mistake.

You were looking for the post right below this one, with its 3,378,087 comments. Which just proves that you All Love Crabby Better. That's fine. Just fine.

Don't mind me. This just means no one will notice if I don't put up an actual post here.

cute pictures of puppies with captions
see more dog and puppy pictures

Oh crap, you're still reading this, aren't you. Well fine. I'll publish a whole post then.

The Trouble With Californians

You know what's wrong with being from California? No, I mean besides the fact that people in 49 other states snigger when you tell them where you're from. I mean the fact that you can't adjust to other people's friggin' climate. (San Franciscans are tolerant about everything -- except for rotten weather.) It is waaaayyy too hot in Oregon right now. And too humid. They should fix their weather.

The point that I was meandering toward was that it's too damn hot to read a serious well-researched post. Hot weather = frivolous posts. It's a law.

So I've decided it's time to write a post for people who like the idea of exercise, but can't decide which one to chose.

Not sure what kind of workout to do today? Cranky Fitness can help.

If you're not sure whether you should get up and get those workout clothes sweaty, consult the Cranky Fitness Workout Quick Ref Guide. On the other hand, if you know you want to work out but can't decide what kind of exercise is right for you, we can help with that too.

Here is the Cranky Fitness Exercise Decision FacilitatorTM.

  • A printer
  • A set of darts
  • The ability to throw in a sorta straight line (or the ability to clear the place out before starting)

Warning: Do not throw the darts at your computer screen. Unless you're having a really, really bad day at work. And want to get laid off. Then it might be okay.

To play facilitate a synergized exercise routine:

1. Print out the Cranky Fitness Exercise Facilitator (CFEF).
2. Post the CFEF an appropriate distance away (for beginners, suggested distance of 2 feet).
3. Throw darts. If possible, throw them in the direction of the CFEF.
4. Examine where they landed on the graphic and follow that goal for the day.

  • If the darts land on the frig, that does not mean you can eat whatever's in the fridge and doesn't have someone else's name on it.
  • Darts that land on the floor are not meant to suggest that you should lie down and take a nap.
  • If your dart lands on "clean," that does not apply to the lunchroom refrigerator. Unless you work from home, in which case it does. Sorry.

Hey, I'll go back to researching health and fitness studies soon. As soon as I get air conditioning in here. Or a working laptop. One of the two.

Are you able to work -- or work out -- in hot, muggy weather?

I'm thinking I need a laptop that works while I'm in a pool. (Then I'll just have to get a pool, and life will be good.)


  1. You all know I'm kidding about being jealous of Crabby's popularity, right? ... Right?

    Oh dear.

  2. That's what I'm all about - the scientific approach to exercise!

  3. Hot and muggy is lovely weather!! That's how they brainwash us growing up in Houston, texas. In london though, the weather is just right to get out and get a good sweat on!

  4. I love me the hot weather! when I lived on the east coast the cold made me wanna cocoon.

    Love the heat.
    Love the playing outside in the hothot.
    (Love the sunscreen)
    Love the Merry.

  5. Merry, all the nice comments on the last post were not about popularity, but about my cluelessness!

    I love that generous readers took time to give me great suggestions for my cardio dilemma, as I know NOTHING about exercise DVDs. But I doubt that making readers do all the work for my posts would work every time. Or would it? Hmmm...

    I have the same former-Californian problem whenever the weather falls outside a range of about 55-80 degrees. I'm astounded that weather is allowed to do that!

  6. I dont' get it...you had barely less the post before that! lol. Maybe I'm missing something. I usually am oblivious.

    It sounds silly, but I actually take out a coin and flip it if I have to chose between 2 great (or suckaroony) choices. It really helps - either it decides for you or you find out which one you really want to do/wear/etc. As in, it choses one for you and you refuse to listen. Works every time.

  7. Another Californians struggle adjusting to -- greenery. Seriously! We have a gal that moved to Ky from California and she's struggled to adjust to the number of plants (and their allergens). So that rules out outdoor exercises for them...

  8. Yeah, Merry, Diana's right!

    Our commenters are awesome and I learned a lot about the whole diet soda controversy both from your post and from all their great input.

    And Greg, exactly! Achhooo!

  9. I do work out in the hot muggy weather. Mainly because I've already started sweating, so I might as well sweat for a reason.

  10. y'know, upstate NY weather is fairly helpful when it comes to adapting to other weather. we get sub-zero snowy winters, 90+ muggy summers... I'll tell you, it made hiking around SanFran in August totally doable because there wasn't any humidity!

    However: i hate humidity, cold, ice, hot hot... I can bitch about the weather here virtually year round. when am I happy? for about 3 days in the fall, when it's dry and 65-75 degrees.

    Is there anywhere that's like that year round?!?

  11. Ya know if you don't have any darts handy you could always print out the spinner, poke a hole in the middle, get one of those brass brad things that teachers always use, put a paper clip on the brad and, voila - you can now SPIN to see which exercise you should do!

    And then when someone asked what you did today, you could say, "spinning" and you wouldn't be lying!

  12. Well, being from southern CA, you will all be glad to hear that we have been getting what we consider cold weather for this time of year & even thunder/lightening storms & hail in some places!!!! As for humidity, I HATE it & grew up back east so know all about it! My hair turns into a frizz monster like the finger in the light socket!!!!

    Anyway, YES, I work out no matter what since I am a gym person BUT even on my outside days, I get out so early that no matter how warm or humid, I can handle it at that hour.

    As for throwing the darts, if it lands on BEACH, does that mean I can head of to Hawaii!!!! :-)

    Such a funny post!!!!!

  13. Oh my goodness Merry, you've done it again. You have me cracking up in the wee hours of the morning!
    Ok, I love the idea of printing pie charts and throwing darts at it to make decisions in my life! I think this approach should be extended to everything -- whom to marry, politics, what to eat, where to vacation, etc! ;)

  14. Now Merry, when you and crabby drop in and respond to the comments do you add that up in your total? Of when people respond and then come back again is that counted as one or two?

  15. This is to increase the numbers.

    I do love a Merry post, but Crabby can crack me up too.

  16. dragonmamma/naomiJune 4, 2009 at 9:23 AM

    I'm not sure I have much to add, but I figure I need to add a post to boost your flagging self-esteem.

    You are a beautiful and unique snowflake, no matter what Tyler Durden says.

    My spinner would definitely have different choices. No running, for sure. My spinner choices would look more like this:

    Jumprope and cart dragging.
    Medicine ball slams.
    Heavy weights.
    Light weights, high reps.
    Bodyweight workout.
    Go to gym but spend most of my time talking.

  17. Hey! I'm leaving a comment. Can you feel the love? :)

    I hate working out when it's hot in muggy but I live in Houston, TX for god's sake. If I waited until it was cool and dry outside I'd never work out at all! I have grown gills from the humidity here.

    If I need to go for a walk or run I do it in the early morning or evening. If that doesn't work out I do a DVD or head to the Y to seat in the AC. Treadmills seem to be easier on the ole joints anyway.

  18. I like visiting California, wouldn't want to live there. Ego's too big.

  19. OOO. A pool. I don't suppose lounging by the pool, thinking about swimming, counts as exercise.

    No; I thought not.

    *le sigh*

    And I don't think you're kidding. If you need to feel loved, you need to stand up and say so. No shame.

  20. Speaking of humidity, can I use a water pistol instead of a dart?

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  21. If you want more comments, you should reformulate this post as a contest in which one commenter wins her own custom dartboard, printed out and doodled on by you. :)

    But I need an option on mine to "Move to California."

  22. *sigh* I do not like humidity. I don't mind sweating but the whole feeling like I can't breath because the air is so freakin thick...yup, that is not for me. In fact, I am looking for an elliptical machine just so I can exercise inside this summer and hopefully not un-do all of the strides I have made towards becoming a runner. We'll see...

  23. I firmly believe hell is any place where it's over 85 and the humidity is over 50%. I will retreat to the nearest air conditioned facility (be that car or building) or submerge myself up to the neck in a pool and refuse to come out.

    I overheat easily...humidity and hot weather are not my friends. One reason I'm glad I live in the Black Hills - very little humidity and not a whole lot of 90+ degree days. But if it does get into the 90's? I work out in the early early morning before it's too hot. (Like, before the ball of fire even rises over the horizon.)

    On the flip side, I seem to be able to stay out in the cold forever and never really feel it.

  24. i actually get totally centered on a "goal" and go from there.. be it riding or running

    unless of course we get more snow.. which is **sigh** in the forecast... tell me is it really june!?!?

  25. Oooh I like!

    Gimme your heat por favor. I'll exchange it for some kinda coolish weather. June should NOT be between 5 and 15 degrees Celsius. Mmm heat.

  26. Oh, I hate the heat. In the summer I only work out indoors, either in a gym or at home (to DVDs!). I'm a fan of the central air conditioning.

  27. Original Californian, now a Texan for *gulp* 17 years...now I FREEZE TO DEATH in the summer whenever I go visit friends in CA or family in OR.

    Love you both, Merry and Crabby!

  28. I do work out in the hot mugginess of D.C., but I try to go early in the day.


  29. "Darts that land on the floor are not meant to suggest that you should lie down and take a nap." What?!? Say it ain't so!

  30. Well, okay. I'll modify the dartboard to include a 'naptime' section. ;)

    You guys know I really was kidding about being jealous of Crabby, right? Honest!

  31. Humidity? Not so much in eastern OR! This is a high desert climate... humidity is only occasionally and briefly a factor! Hence the reason I drink a gallon or two of liquids a day.

    I grew up in SE TX... you don't know humidity until you've lived there! Not to mention the amazing hordes of mosquitoes...

    If you need something easy on the knees that doesn't cost a fortune, head over to the Salvation Army (or eBay) and rescue an old Nordic Track ski machine. They last forever and fold up when you just need to send your machine to the corner for a "time out". And if you decide no snow skiing isn't for you, just donate it back.

    Last time I donated something to our Salvation Army, they had about a half dozen of them out back.

  32. I love your charts...but this one just isn't loading! Will have to come back. Anyway, I avoid working in hot humid weather by going way early or way late. Clearly I'm a weakling cause when working in the yard on weekends on hot humid days I get really, really weak.

  33. Hey Lillian's mom, I'm in upstate NY too! Our temperature swings are huge it's true. And winter from October to May can be a drag. But the 7 years I spent on the edge of the CA desert were hellish. I cannot do ANYTHING in the CA heat, all that hot makes me red then I fall down.

    Is fainting considered cardio or weights? I can never remember.

  34. Soooooooo.... I just found your blog yesterday, and I am already a fan! I love your commitment to fitness and wicked sense of humor! Your 'Cranky Fitness Workout Quick Ref Guide' will surely provide the answer to the infamous dilemma...to work out or not to work out?!!!


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