June 10, 2009

Six Ways to Banish Belly Fat

Poor unpopular, unloved belly fat! Everyone, it seems, is desperate to get rid of it.

Well, okay, perhaps not everyone.

It's not just a vanity issue either--health experts have been nagging us about belly fat for years, telling us that it's the worst kind of fat to have. Abdominal visceral fat has been linked to health problems like diabetes, breast cancer, gallbladder issues, cardiovascular diseases, and metabolic problems.

So since no one welcomes belly fat, it could probably use a friend. But I do not want to be that friend. I do not like belly fat hanging around. Yet it does anyway--I clearly haven't done enough to discourage it! Perhaps a letter?

Dear Belly Fat,
I'm sorry, but I think it's time for you to go. I know you're very attached to me--quite clingy in fact! But I just don't love you the way you seem to love me. Truthfully? I'm just not that into you, even though you are quite clearly into me.

Scram, ok?


What, it's not gone yet?

Damn. Apparently belly fat can't read!

So if anyone else is looking for a better solution to getting rid of belly fat than writing it letters, there are several tricks that are apparently actually backed up by scientific research.

How To Tell Belly Fat to Take a Hike, According to the Smarty-Pants Scientists:

1. Eat blueberries.

2. Drink green tea.

3. Eat foods high in monounsaturated fats like avocados and olive oil.

4. Reduce stress-related cortisol levels by practicing some deep breathing, meditation, or other relaxation training.

5. Do some Interval Training. (Or, if H.I.I.T. seems too oppressive, try some easier S.H.I.I.T and see if that works).

6. Don't smoke.

While I think it's great that scientists are out there doing research on ways to get rid of our belly fat, I'm still left with two important questions!

Crabby Wants To Know:

1. Why does Crabby still have a respectable amount of belly fat despite doing all of the above things to discourage it?

2. And why there is no research grant money available for the elimination of Ass Fat? Though it may not be as much of a health risk, surely Ass Fat is almost as unpopular and many people would like to get rid it. Yet it's always belly fat, belly fat, belly fat.

So Does Anyone Have Any Thoughts on Belly Fat? Any additional tips on getting rid of it?


  1. Rub it and tell it that while you FREAKIN ADORE it and its roundmoundoflovliness that you do believe it is time to break up.
    That it is time for the lovelump to hit the proverbial road and that you shall miss it tremendously.
    (lying to the belly is totally ok. to the lobster? totally not :))

    and then shake up your cardio. HIIT and all kinds of other silly stuff to shock the bod.

    and then wave goodbye to all processed white.

    and then watch yer belly slink off into the sunset.

    *cue montage of all the good times you two had together*



  2. I actually prefer my fat cells to congregate on the booty. It's better for my jeans.

  3. I sooo agree with you. I do all those things and yet, big belly in fact that's where I carry my weight, when I am losing it's the last place (besides my boobs) that wants to give it up.

  4. YES! Calling all scientists, please find ways to get rid of our ass fat :) Actually, I'm with YY and I don't mind the booty (cue sir mix alot. lol. not quite like the inspirational music, huh?). Although, it could leave my hips and thighs like yesterday!

  5. As a guy (on this blog? Serioulsy?) I would just like to tell other male lurkers out there that telling belly fat that you will call it tomorrow will not solve your problem

  6. Ah, belly fat. The good times we've had. That's the problem. It remembers the good times and wants more. Damn clingy bellyfat.

  7. So.... if I quit smoking, that clingy belly fat will leave me for another smoker?

  8. I don't know about belly fat (eclipsed by The Back Forty, in my case), but I am ALL ABOUT the S.H.I.I.T. workout! That's for me!

  9. Hmmn... Crabby, maybe you should google "flat stomach" on the internet and see if anyone out there has anything to suggest ;)

  10. As my so called "friends" have said recently, "Oh, you lost some weight? Turn around; I think I've found it".

  11. Love the budha. This is a great post with bikini season almost here.

  12. Anything I was thinking of typing got eclipsed by MizFit's comment - I bow to her wisdom!

  13. Belly fat is my biggest problem area. It's the first place I gain and last place I lose. I can relate to Mr Buddha.

    I, too, have been doing what the men in white coats say to do to banish ye ole fat. I'm finally starting to notice a small difference.

    Hang in there. Maybe we should try belly dancing. :)

  14. I think that you're supposed to rub it on a potato, then bury the potato in the glow of a Taco Bell sign at 4th-meal. Totally worked for me.

  15. I'm positive that this is HARDER for women than men. Stupid "I'm ready to have a baby gene's". I'd like to tell it "no, I'm not ready and when I am... you'll know, okay?" but I've tried that and it doesn't work either.

    I did find ( oh god, she's going there) that when I stopped eating processed grains (pasta, rice, bread) I lost about 5 lbs quite fast and most of it body fat, right off the little donut spare I carried there. can't say it works for everyone but I'm eating the same amount of calories and have yet to put the weight back on. The ass fat... not so much.

    Then of course there is liposuction... and I hear that can take care of ass fat too. I mean that would obviously solve the problem. :-)

  16. I'm a pear...very much a pear, so more research on ass fat please.

    But speaking of S.H.I.I.T, I mentioned something very VERY important about it on my blog today, so Crabby and Merry, will you please read my blog...especially the last paragraph?

  17. I'm thinking of listing my belly for sale on ebay - perhaps that will do the trick. Other I am considering breaking out the vacuum for some do-it-yourself- lipo action.

    Or I could just start a new career as a Buddha impersonator. :-)

    I wish there were some way I could push the belly fat upwards into my chest - is there maybe some exercise that could make that happen?

  18. Clingy belly fat? Hmmm, must be a male - in which case tell it you love it, want to spend the rest of your life with it and maybe have a couple of kids together. It will require a new setting on the warp speed scale to measure how fast it departs. Ass fat - same deal.

  19. I second the ass fat research foundation...
    I've never had a belly thing really...it's my..er...muffin handle top thingummies that curse me.
    If I feed the processed whites to someone else will my fat go to them too? Hmmm...

  20. Seriously, it's just the way you're made. I had belly fat at my slimmest, I had it at my heaviest, I have it now. It's just the amount that changes.

    Getting rid of it is more of a problem for women than men because our bodies need some fat to be fertile (I'm not talking obesity, but seriously underweight women have mucho trouble conceiving).

    I'm all for exercise, healthy eating, stress reduction, a healthy weight, but I'm not expecting to lose that tummy ever.

    And don't forget...most men actually like a woman with a little tum. Really.

  21. Ah, belly fat. I know it's bad for you, but I find it kind of beautiful. While a little muffin top looks bad in jeans, it's kind of delicious in, say, a belly-baring sari. Oh, and you know what else is sexy? Belly dancers, with their little rolls! There's nothing more uninteresting than a hard-bodied belly dancer. So there, abdominal flab.

    (This is how I flatten my abs-- whenever I make peace with a body part, it shrinks. Like my breasts, around age eighteen.)

  22. Actually, the Buddha was quite slim. That's some Chinese deity version, but I'm sure with his attitude, the Buddha doesn't mind :-)

    My theory on fat is this: As we age, we gain fat where we don't want it, and lose fat where we do want it :-(

  23. Crab,

    Love the ideas and, as always, the commentary. My two cents:

    1. Ass-fat elimination lags behind belly-fat blasting because we men prefer a little "jiggle-in-the-wiggle" over the "muffin-top," so we put out misleading information so as to sabotage ass-reducing.

    2. Eat less, move more. That's my solution for you. Or, accept that genetic predispositions may be working against you. OR, STOP FOCUSING ON AESTHETICS AND FOCUS ON PERFORMANCE!! If you do everything in your power to increase your performance in a sport (or even general exercise), which would include training for a purpose other than looking good and eating in a way that will properly fuel your efforts you just might realize the side benefit of improved aesthetics. But if aesthetics are your primary objective you will never reach a point of satisfaction.

    Keep up the good work.

  24. Ah, the good ol' belly fat! I have always had it, even at my lightest. The ass fat, not so much, even at my heaviest, just the way I'm built. I won't throw away food, so I am stuck with some white grains for awhile yet, but I do use them sparingly. I wonder if health care will pay for liposuction?

  25. Love Miz's movie montage!!!! (how's THAT for alliteration, eh?)

    I do many of the aforementioned things, but my belly hangs around.
    (Literally! Grrrr!)
    I do have an inordinate amount of stress and anxiety. I'm basically a very anxious person. I've had it since I can remember. (Ever see a neurotic 5 year-old? Yeah, that was me.)

    Walking seems to help me. Not only do I get exercise, it's also a great stress reliever.
    But having 2 kids with special needs kinda feeds the anxiety, I guess.

  26. And belly bloat! Begone belly bloat. The bellyfatandbloat is like an annoying ex that won't. leave. you. alone.

  27. I have no good info on getting rid of belly fat, I'm afraid. But Gigi's comment made me LOL. Literally.
    Clingy belly fat? Hmmm, must be a male - in which case tell it you love it, want to spend the rest of your life with it and maybe have a couple of kids together. It will require a new setting on the warp speed scale to measure how fast it departs. Ass fat - same deal.

  28. I agree Marste, Gigi's comment and so many others are totally cracking me up.

    And lots of great advice, esp about refined foods and exercise and stress. Love Miz's advice about how to lie to the bf in order to smooth the break up!

    I totally get that belly bloat thing Sagan mentioned but when they talk about possible culprits (dairy and wheat etc) I'm never willing to give any of them up. So I just complain about it instead.

    Personally, I'm not prone to Assfat myself--but I hear so many women complain about it I threw it in for y'all to get scientists on the case, since of course scientist always read Cranky Fitness before deciding what to research next.

    But it turns out Ass Fat has a major fan club and men seem to totally dig it. I did not know this! So maybe I'll take all that back.

  29. Belly fat is a friggin pain in the arse where sometimes it settles as well!

    We have people that tend to have an apple body type & carry more fat around that middle area which is very health dangerous. Then we have women that have more fat in the hip/thigh area & sometimes are pear shaped people.

    In either case, you can do all the right things in the world but if you are just eating too many calories in a day, then the fat will stay!

    Like MizFit says, you have to work at it both with exercise AND food. I found for me and I am one that carried it more in the hip area & right below the belly button, food was a HUGE part of it. We all have to decide how important this is & then go from there.

    For me, I did not lose my hips (well, they are still there, just not as wide!) until I really started to eat clean. Again, you have to do what is right for you but for me, eating clean about 85+% of the time & exercising with weights & definitely some HIIT in there cut the fat.

    That belly fat is a tough body type so people are going to have to really work hard at it & food is a huge part of it too. BUT, when your health is at risk.....

  30. Even in those distant past days of yore when I was slim, I never had a flat tummy, so not really expecting one now that I am much, much, much, mu- oh, a tad older!

  31. I'm losing inches all over my body, but not the belly. Yet! Seriously, I'm looking more and more pregnant each day... And I always thought I was a pear shape!

  32. I think it's just how people are built. At a certain point, some areas just stop! :( I'm a bit of a pear and carry most of my weight in my waste and thighs. I lost a little over 20 pounds. Now i'm a 'nearly A' (don't get me started), have very little fat on my arms/waist but my thighs and butt, while smaller, are still significantly bigger and have "fat." BLAH.

  33. I have belly fat...and ass fat...AND inner thigh fat. Though I must say of the three, it's the inner thigh that irks me.

    Fun belly fat toner: Bellydance!!!

    So much fun. BTW Crabby, I started a new low-carb blog with recipes. :D

  34. Ah... lovely Ass Fat. I have a flat belly but will always have enough Ass Fat to survive a long cold winter or long famine!

    I think our bodies just choose where they are going to stubbornly hold on to fat, no matter what you may do or eat. The rest of your body will shrink, but those stubborn areas will refuse to give it up, or they will give it up *very very slowly.*

    I have banished belly fat in two ways: working out and doing dreaded cardio, and eating lots of fiber and little sodium.

  35. Are we never happy with what we have?
    As a pear shape I've never had stubborn belly fat even after having children. But, no matter how slim my top half is, I always seem to have a little extra weight below.
    Crabby, maybe you should do a blog on pears and apples so we can see some positives and learn to love our shapes? :)

  36. Some people NEVER fully lose that baby belly and others immediately pop back to their pre-pregnancy form. All you can do is eat right and exercise. A little prayer never hurt anyone either. lol I actually weigh less than I did before I got pregnant, but I still have all that loose stretched out skin. I've had three kids in three years though. *shrug* I don't really expect to ever go back to "normal".rolex replica

  37. Personally I'd like to take my belly fat and distribute it elsewhere...like my backside and my boobs...neither of which are big enough to suit me. I have ALWAYS carried my oh such much excess weight around my middle!

  38. Eating apples has not made my apple shape go away. I've tried love; I've tried hatred; nothing works. (Although I might have just broken an English grammar rule.)
    Good news, I got a few belly laughs reading this post and the comments!

  39. I think that there is only one way to Banish Belly Fat - it's sports. Run or play basketball and you'll have no fat at all

  40. I am A mother of two kids and no matter what I do My BELLY FAT will not go AWAY NO matter what I do I have tried yoga running cardio free weights diet pills drinks shakes and all the money I spent nothing helped I am now stuck and sadly DEPRESSED I am not comfortable in this FATTY body everyone now has grown acustome to and it sucks I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO TO HELP TRIM AT LEAST 50 POUNDS!!!

  41. don't eat fast food like mcdonald's - and you'll have no belly fat at all. oh, yeah - and no beer of corse

  42. my workout is jog on the spot fast knee's high on the spot, press ups, a healthy diet and i made my own move up that really make me flexible and i feel the burn aroun my thighs and stomach wich i think is working well with me im relaly happy with it!

  43. I love blueberries and makes smoothies all the time with them. Now if I just exercised more I would be set lol.

  44. The fifth one is really good :) And blueberries are totally irresistible.


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