February 04, 2009

Ick, I see so dirty!!!

We are very, very grateful when people link to Cranky Fitness posts! And we certainly don't mind at all when folks quote a paragraph or two. But every now and then I come across an unauthorized use of one of our posts, where someone copies the whole thing and pretends they wrote it.

I confess, this bugs me--because strangely enough, the half-assed posts I write still take time. I hate the idea of other people stealing my stuff and making money off of it, when I can't seem to figure out how to make money off it myself.

But then sometimes I just have to laugh.

I won't link to the source, but I have to share with all of you a post I came across earlier this week. Though written by "Sebastin" it sounded strangely familiar... yes, it seems to have started off as my "One Rule for a Flat Stomach" post.

The post appeared on what looked like a normal English-language health blog with a professional, if unremarkable, layout. It was accompanied by the same stock photo (above) of the orangey shirtless guy that I used. Yet the post seems to have taken some strange turns since I last read it... I'm pretty sure this not quite the exact phrasing I used, is it?

One Rule for a Flat Stomach!
By Sebastin

Really, there’s meet digit rule?

And if we study it, we crapper every hit a insipid stomach?

You’ve seen the ads every over the internet. They’re almost, but not quite as galling as the blackamoor with the fakest hunting wrinkles ever in the story of imitation wrinkles, who gets her grappling magically erased, over and over and over again. (God I HATE THAT AD!!!)

(It's true, I do HATE that ad, and who wouldn't? Blackamoors with fake hunting wrinkles get awfully tiresome. But: "We crapper every hit?" What does that even mean? It sounds messy!)

But wait, it gets better...

At small the “1 Rule” ad doesn’t commonly become with a picture, but it’s ease every over the place. It says there’s 1 conception for a insipid stomach, and you staleness Obey it. If you do, you module retrograde digit blow a day, or squad pounds in digit weeks, or 45 pounds in 12 weeks. Whatever. Bottom line: you’ll drop buckets of intumesce fruitful in no instance flat.

(Well that sounds kind of nifty! I'd love to lose buckets of my fruitful intumesce, though I'm not sure it's all worth it for an insipid stomach).

Just digit ultimate rule! Do you undergo what it is? Seems same if it was that powerful, we’d every hit heard most from other, more honored sources. But still… what could they be referring to? Could there rattling be whatever ultimate generalisation we’ve every been overlooking?

(Ooh, there's an ultimate generalization? I wish I knew which one it is. It would be so nice to have just one generalization to deal with every situation. Wait, I got it... is it... "Shit Happens?")

So improve your hands… (Virtually, that is–unless you poverty the folks at impact hunting at you funny). How whatever of you smart, educated, sophisticated, health-conscious, perspicacious Cranky Fitness readers meet couldn’t support yourself and eventually had to utter on the unification to encounter discover the One Rule?

(Oh dear. Readers, if you do decide to virtually improve your hands, or to utter on the unification--be careful! Watch out for those impact-hunting folks; they sound very dangerous.)

I did.

After dedication to myself, over and over,

(Now that just sounds like TMI. I swear, I am NOT dedicating to myself over and over, and if I were, I certainly wouldn't be blogging about it).

that I would not permit peculiarity intend the meliorate of me and beam reciprocation (and thus, money) to whatever sleazy entity no uncertainty lurked behindhand the come-ons, I eventually couldn’t support it.

(Actually, I know I wouldn't have said this. We at Cranky Fitness permit peculiarity, in fact, we are all in favor of it! Especially if it's intended to meliorate us. And please feel free to beam reciprocation at us, we like that!)

So you poverty to undergo what the info is? As a open service, Cranky Fitness module verify you, so you crapper refrain dirtying yourself by clicking on whatever of these slippy ads.

(Again with the crapper? The Cranky Fitness module is getting annoyed with all this slippy toilet talk. We may close the service to verify you if you don't stop saying "crapper" all the time.)

Hi Anna! Hi Pam! Hi Brook!

Here’s what happens when you utter on the “1 rule” ad: you commonly modify up at someone’s journal or scheme page. There you encounter discover the secret, which we module today reveal.

(Now I know exactly how it feels to have my scheme page modified up, and I gotta say I don't like it much.)

The info is purchase the correct compounding of coefficient expiration products. The queer abstract is, the products change, so the “1 rule” is rattling “many rules!” Sometimes it is an acai berry abstract and a colon cleanser. Sometimes it Wu Yi, or a occult fruitful executing foodstuff titled Slim 365. Do these products work? Well, they must, right, meet countenance at the photographic evidence!

(With all this "queer abstract" and "fruitful occult" stuff, how am I ever going to convince readers this is really a health blog and not a gay blog?)

Hey, Varla Jean, you're really not helping here...

Photographic Proof the One Rule Is Totally Awesome and Effective

What more do you need? Here is a represent of Pam Burgess, from Burlingame, California. She has 2 kids and a wonderful husband. She forfeited 45 pounds using a compounding of digit liberated effort products she saw on TV! Here is a represent of her in July and added digit threesome months later.

(Oh my. Now that we're getting into threesomes and liberated digits, I think I'll have to cut this short.)

It goes on, but I'll just leave you with the last line:

Ick, I see so dirty!!!

So does anyone have a guess about what the deal is with this? A translation gone bad? (English to Martian back to English?) Some sort of keyword-swapping search engine scam? Or maybe I was just hallucinating on acai berries when I wrote the post?


  1. OMG...I have no explanation, at first I thought MAAAYBe it could have been like the bad usage of a thesaurus, but seriously?

    I see so dirty now too. Thanks for enlightening me Crabby!

  2. Ouch. That made my head hurt.

  3. I would like to forfeit 45 pounds too - can you help?

    Seriously, although this is probably some strange Nigerian-prince scam, I laughed while reading it, and your responses.

  4. Wow, that was special.

    And I agree with R about the thesaurus. Or they're on drugs.

    Did they use the post as an ad-lib?

  5. Added digits? Huh? I'm kinda scared.

    Hey! So our spam filter for email at work is generally really good, but sometimes spam sneaks through. When it does, it sounds something like that post, only with random sciency words thrown in. Too bad I've deleted them all, some are quite funny.

  6. Oh face it, Crabby. You've been outclassed in the writing department. That guy has an inimitable style all his own ;)

    I was going to write up a post on the Senile Enhancement Kit that I was asked to review -- the nice people who sent me the email offer said I could have my money back if it didn't work! -- but now I'm wondering if it would equal the unique phrasing that's already out there.

  7. I have no idea what happened here. The only thing that I thought could have happened was maybe someone translated a post of yours in to Russian or Chinese or some other language with a completely different sentencing structure, and Sebastian took that and had it translated back into English to get more hits. But did it really say "Cranky Fitness" each time? Honestly, none of it really makes sense.

    I do have to admit, however, that I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering. Though I am very easily amused.

  8. That's happened to me too. I have no idea how or why it happens except that I think it's an automated process designed to maximize search engine results somehow. It is freaky tho!! I'm curious as to what tool you used to discover this? I only stumbled upon my seized-by-aliens post by accident... Also, what did you do? Did you e-mail the site?

  9. I can skip the ab work today because of the intense unstoppable laughter!!! Thanks Cranky!!

    It completely reminds me of the time this German friend of the family tried to leave a message on his answering machine after being in america for a month....

    (Hallo...I cant answer your phone right now....)

    I dont know if you should be flattered or frightened at this point! But I'll tell you it was just confusing and wrong!!! (but again, really funny!)

  10. Ow. My head asploded.
    Where can I forfeit some poundage???

  11. Does this mean there is no insipid stomach for me?

  12. lol! Someone on my site, just took your comment and re-posted it under their URL!

    I guess that's the price of fame:-)

  13. I'm guessing it's auttranslating software...someone translated it into their language and a friend thought it was great a nd translated it BACK. You get al lkinds of wierdness when you do that...
    I've been trying to do business lately with a company in china who doesn't speak english. I don't speak chinese. We've sent each other some rediculous sounding messages that were badly translated by the comuter. I've retranslated my communications back to english before I send them jsut to see what they get...and man. I *know* they are laughing at me...:)

    That is a really bad translation tho -

  14. Wow. I thought it was the word thesaurus gone bad, but it does kind of sound like a translation into another language and back to "english". lol.

  15. Looks like someone translated to god knows what language using the amazing, yet not quite perfect, Google translate button, and then back. I have to use it in my job sometimes and it reads just like your post!

    Or possibly it was just edited by my local paper's editor....

    agree with the other commenter..my head hurts now..will have to take an aspirin!

  16. Charlotte, you too??

    I just happened to click on a link in my statcounter and came across the post accidentally.

    I discovered once before, when I got really irritated with a particular blog that was stealing my posts and claiming them as their own (in English), that the process of complaining and trying to get their blog shut down is really cumbersome. I ended up deciding it wasn't worth it. But then I'm notoriously lazy!

    Whobody--too funny. Similarly, the Lobster had a foreign colleauge who's voicemail said "I'm sorry, I'm not in my desk right now, so please leave a message after the tone."

  17. It's been a long time since I laughed so hard I cried. I think it's been through an autotranslater several times.

    Please, Cranky Fitness module, continue to verify me!
    And my digits? They don't have rules.

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  18. That is too funny! You know you've hit the big time when you see Ick so Dirty!

    I agree with the idea that it's been translated a few times to Martian and back!

    (When I read the first few lines of this post, I thought I was going to be in trouble for posting on my own site the guest post I wrote for you, way back when....:))

  19. Crabby,
    I think they got Merry's post on detox mixed up with your's on the flat stomach and ended up with this translation.

    I've had the stolen posts before too. Makes you feel all warm in side doesn't it?

  20. Ground control to Major Tom:
    Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong.

    Can you hear me Major Tom?
    Can you hear me Major Tom?
    Can you hear me Major Tom? Can you ...

  21. Wow. I have no idea how that happens, but it was freakin' HILARIOUS. Thanks for posting it! :D

  22. WOW!
    HILARIOUS POST and comments.

    and (waitforit) WTF?!

  23. So effing weird. But it's still stealing.

    (BTW if you've been trying to use my new "Kewl" comments section in my blog...I'm still working on it. It was supposed to be easier, and now it's kind of a pain.)

  24. Reminds me of what happens when you auto translate into another language and back to English. That was hilarious!


  25. OMG!! That's fricken hilarious!! I had to stop reading after a while, it was giving me a headache but made me laugh harder than I have in a while!!

  26. Okay, wait a minute now, let me get this straight....

    Sebastin won't be joining Cranky Fitness as a guest poster???

    I think I missed something! ;)

  27. Sorry, distracted by the picture, and trying to decide why I'm in the mood for an orange popsicle.

  28. OMG, I have no idea how that happened but it sure was a hilarious read, especially with the Crabby commentary!

  29. My vote is for a thesaurus algorithm (albeit a terrible one) that is designed to prevent copywrite infringement lawsuits. I think they still have a few kinks to work out. Thanks for making me laugh.

  30. I'm too busy giggling like mad to try to figure it out. So so funny!

  31. Ummm...

    I couldn't even read the whole thing it made my head hurt trying to decipher what the hell it was talking about...

    I'm so confused!!
    Was that supposed to be English???

  32. Oh geesh, that's so funny. Years ago, I exchanged emails with someone, using that sort of double translation (to French and back to English) and had a laugh-till-you-cry time reading those. This one certainly evoked the same response. We might have to translate ALL your posts.

  33. This reads like a Mad Libs gone horribly awry. And it makes me mad. It also makes me laugh!

    Only three words for this: WTF?

  34. My co-workers now think I'm crazy because I couldn't stop laughing while reading this post. I even had to send the link to someone. Sorry they tried to take credit for your work, but thats priceless

  35. THAT is pretty funny - like a madlib without the proper English prompts! Thank you for letting us have a good laugh at your expense though - I am indeed sorry your post got stolen in the first place! I definitely only read it here.

  36. Through Babel Fish and back again...? Translators have trouble with idioms and slang, like "you'll shed buckets of fat in no time".

    So this:

    "So you want to know what the secret is? As a public service, Cranky Fitness will tell you, so you can avoid soiling yourself by clicking on any of these slimy ads.""

    From English to French, French to Portuguese and Portuguese back to English =

    Thus qu' wants to know this; it is the secret? Because a public service, forms eccentric physics will indicate them who, thus can you prevent to make dirty itself clicando in on any d' between these sticky announcements.

    I haven't a clue as to what language(s) it was translated into first, but it's frikkin' hilarious. I'm glad you could see the humor in it and share it! :)

  37. TK, I'll have to change the blog name to it's proper translation: "Forms eccentric physics!"

    Sounds much classier than "Cranky Fitness."

  38. No explanation for how that wierd theft came about, but you had me laughing so loud, I had to explain the reason for my laughter to my husband. :)

  39. Crabby,

    I called out these fake blogs on my site as well. You wrote a much more entertaining article and broke it down in your entertaining style.

    Here is my take on the whole thing:

    Acai Berry, Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Oz, Colon Cleansing, and Fake Blogs! What?

    By the way, I mentioned your blog to my large reader base in this post (I "tagged" you).

    25 World Class Beaches Worth Getting in Shape For

    I have seen your site all over Google, when I'm trying to build links and rank for keywords.

    Anyway...the readers of my site will appreciate your humor.

    Great Stuff!


  40. Hey thanks so much Rusty!!!

    Great blog you've got over there; no wonder it's popular.

    So sorry to be a wimp; I kinda stopped doing meme's and tags during my first year and I find it's easier to have a blanket "sorry" policy than pick some and refuse others. But thanks so much for thinking of us!

  41. That is a surreal post. I feel confused now, must go lie down


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