According to anonymous sources, the Internet giant Google has been bought by the blog Cranky Fitness.
Crabby McSlacker, the CEO of Cranky Fitness, was allegedly quoted as saying, "They were just not appealing to the needs of the average bi-coastal cranky blogger. Not enough cupcake representation, plus there were all those flat stomach links. We felt it was time to put a stop to all that. "
Wall Street is thrilled
The NYSE bounded upwards on hearing the news, seeing this as a sign of an upturn in the economic forecast.
An unnamed source at Google confessed, "We've been afraid of this for some time. Cranky Fitness has simply gotten too powerful. People are saying this is the first step in their plans for World Domination. On the plus side, the takeover means our cafeteria will feature a much wider selection of cupcakes. And meetings will be much more interesting -- I understand they're going to replace all the conference tables with trampolines."
With suspiciously coincidental timing, the running blog Half-Fast has purportedly announced plans to take over Microsoft. "It's the perfect match," the blogger Vanilla has been reported as saying. "Windows computers are always running Half-Fast."
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