April 07, 2009

Top 10 Reasons Not To Exercise

By Merry Sunshine

10. They sell pants in size Bigger-than-you-think.

9. Who wants to live past age: fill-in-the-blank anyway?

8. Hey, you still have a few Battlestar Galactica episodes to catch up on!

7. You don't want your husband/wife/significant cat to see parts of you jiggle that were Not Intended To Jiggle.

6. Two words: plastic surgery.

5. Since the majority of the population is putting on weight even as we speak, you already look thinner by comparison. I mean, you don't want to look gaunt, do you?

4. One word: liposuction

3. All right, so maybe airline seats are getting narrower, but wouldn't you rather travel some other way besides flying?

2. Gyms are full of annoying people.

and the number one reason not to exercise is...

1. Oh, sorry, my vending-machine pizza is ready. Gotta go chomp. I'll finish this later.

I mean, c'mon. We live in a society that can deliver pizza within 90 seconds, but we don't have time to exercise?

Searching for "no time to exercise" brings up almost 15 million hits on Google. Something is wrong here. What is it?


  1. People are lazy.

    And I fully include myself in that statement.

  2. LIPOSUCTION! I have a client who was considering it because she hurt her knee and is no longer able to exercise (considering lipo over going to get physical therapy to mend her knee btw) um...HELLO! She's getting better now and is over that thought (hopefully!) but crazy shortcuts...and yes LAZY, plus our corrupt society! oh my I could rant and rave for days on this topic..I'll leave you now!

    Hope you guys have a good day!

  3. Oh good, now I have ten more reasons not to go the gym! Er... but wait, most of these reasons are crappy!

    ...Lightbulb moment...

    Thanks for exposing the lameness that goes on behind most of our procrastinating.

  4. Funny. But indicative of how good people are at justifying even the most ridiculous decisions.

    People are lazy.

  5. Vending machine pizza sounds truly horrific. Why???

  6. The pizza vending machine is one of the signs of the apocalypse, no?

  7. It's not so much lazy, as it is the time commitment for me. Plus today my lower half is sore and I've got a root canal at 3, which takes away my hour of exercise (although I may do yoga).

  8. Absolutely wonderful post Merry. To piggyback on this list;

    Not exercising will:
    increase your chances of hypertension - not to worry, they make pills for that.
    increase chances of type II diabetes - not to worry, they make pills for that and even later you get to inject yourself with your own needle.
    increase chances of heart disease - hey, they got pills for that and if you get a heart attack, they can even put in a stent or do a bypass for you.

    Isn't medicine great?

  9. I agree with Christine. Lazy, lazy, lazy. I'd like to say that I don't work out as much as I should because I'm busy, but it's really just not making the time. It's there. Just need to be moe efficient.

    Great post. Thanks!

  10. Just the idea of vending machine pizza sounds wrong :(

  11. Love your final point although reading to get there just cracked me up! Here are a couple quotes I picked up along the way:

    Those who think they have no time for healthy eating/exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness... Oxygen Women's Fitness

    Nothing tastes as good as being healthy.

    — Jonathan Stanton from The Joy Fit Club on The Today Show

    Thx for your humor with a point, as always!

  12. *snort* I am sure I can come up with a million excuses myself...but am too lazy. hehe

  13. #5 made me giggle and your punchline made me laugh out loud! So very true.

  14. Two words:

    Instant Gratification.

    Exercise just takes too long to see the results and we are too impatient, so we don't even start.

  15. Vending machine pizza is just wrong.

  16. I'm sure it's totally disgusting, but I really want vending machine pizza for some strange reason :).

  17. La La La La...not going to read this..la la la....

  18. No secret...as children we LOVED to run around, that wasn't exercise, that was FUN. But we got into trouble if we didn't sit still, we got into trouble if we ran around like lunatics. We got rewarded with adult attention and/or when we sat quietly and played. And slowly the world conditioned us into thinking that movement is something to hate. We're not lazy, we've just had the love of movement bludgeoned out of us.

  19. I'm old AND fat AND lazy. Got a triple whammy. And pizza in a vending machine? That sounds as bad as those lunchable pizzas. Ew. Vee at www.veegettinghealthy.blogspot.com

  20. Vending machine pizza: a "we have the technology" moment.

    I don't get as much exercise as I would like because I am too often too tired--for reasons which getting exercise does not address, including a 96 year old father who wanders around all night. For these same reasons, though, I never skip my yoga unless I'm awfully sick: a day without yoga is like a day without caffeine!

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  21. It's true that we have the technology to make life easier (and get rid of much of the daily, time-consuming toil) than at any previous point in history and yet we are still claiming we don't have time. I love my dishwasher, my washer & dryer, my cans of pre-cooked beans and packets of instant oats, but honestly, vending machine pizza? Too far!

  22. I'm waiting for the audio version of Cranky fitness because I"m too lazy to read this.

    Can someone hand me the remote? It's at least 16 inches away from me.

    You mean digging ice cream out of the carton doesn't count as exercise? Have you ever tried to scoop glacier-hard ice cream before? Now THAT'S work!

    Lazy McLoungeLizard

  23. This list is funny. The sad thing is I am sure a lot of people could come up with 100 reasons.

  24. 100 reasons sounds like too much work. We at Cranky Fitness advocate the Short Attention Span approach to excuses :)

  25. Vending machine pizza?

    I nearly snorted coffee out my nose at "pants bigger-than-you-think".
    Thanks for the morning laugh :)

  26. Agreed.

    They sell everything in vending machines! You know that in Japan you can get an entire suit from a vending machine? ("shoot, I forgot I had a job interview today. No worries, I'll stop by a vending machine to class up!")


    When my brother graduated from college, he spent a week having a competition with the cat over who could move less. It was a draw.
    But then he joined a gym, and the cat won, paws down.

  28. Great list, Merry! It made me laugh...and made we want to workout. Maybe a little dancing in my living room at the very least!

  29. Excuses are so much easier to make than actually doing it. Speaking from experience!!

  30. Great list! Let's face it, if we try hard enough, we will always be able to find a reason not to workout and eat healthy. It's when we stop making excuses that we really start to change, not just our bodies, but our minds as well.

  31. Did you put "No time to exercise" in quotes?

    Maybe you should use a different search engine.

  32. Wow. Vending machine pizza. That frightens me.

    What's next? Vending machine Three Course Meals?

  33. Hey Merry, eight words: this is a really funny top ten list. Annoying people is definitely the reason I stopped going to gyms, and the pizza vending machine would be disastrous. Tokyo has a variety of cooked food vending machines, and I don't think they exercise too much. You can post this to our site http://www.toptentopten.com/ and then link back to your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

  34. As pretty much everyone has said, people are just plain lazy. Also no one seems to want to take responsibility for themselves these days. Everything is someone else's fault or should have been done by someone else. They want someone else to develop pills to keep them thin rather than to do the hard yards themselves.
    It is truly insane.

  35. This post is awesome! I laughed and laughed at #5 - and i've been known to catch up on a marathon instead of blogging. AND OMG vending machine pizza - ew! I agree with the masses, people (including me) are lazy - we want the results but don't want to work for them. Quick fix and all. My lightbulb moment so to speak was reading some article about the president and condaleeza and all of these people that the media tells us are important. It basically showed each of their workout schedules and I was like damn - if these crazy important people can fit in 30 minutes of walking between saving the world and fighting crime I can too!

  36. Very funny!

    It also amazes me when people turn to liposuction when they obviously still need to drop a significant amount of weight.

    Frankly, I am scared of the surgery option. What if they mess you up big time? It happens.

  37. this had me cracking up!!! you can some it up as people are "LAZY" and want a get thin quick pill instead of exercising... sorry peeps, doesn't work.


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