April 21, 2009

The 2nd Annual Cranky Fitness Exercise Review

It's time for the second annual Cranky Fitness exercise review. Once more we have assembled experts on various forms of exercise to give us their best suggestions, and once more they have disappointed us by turning in serious, researched, and well thought-out reviews. Since that sort of thing would make the rest of our posts look bad by comparison, I decided the only thing to do was conduct the review myself.

Boot camp

Pro: Some of them boots are pretty stylish looking.
Con: There are no happy boot-campers. Not until the muscle soreness fades.
Tip: Don't show up in drag.

It's not that kind of 'camp.'


Pro: This can really work the diaphragm muscles.
Con: You can't have a burpee without a burper, right? So methinks this form of exercise is not suitable for all social occasions.
Tip: Drinking a lot of carbonated drinks beforehand can help with this workout.


Pro: This fitness program will make you feel like a martyr to exercise. No wait, sorry, I was confusing this with Crucifix-fit. Crossfit is a fitness program designed to make you feel cranky. And fit.
Con: You might feel like a martyr anyway.
Tip: Sounds like it would be a good idea to get fit, at least a bit, before trying crossfit.


Pro: You don't have to worry about Fido canoodling with the couch while you're at the gym.
Con: This is a form of yoga where your partner might lick your face. (I understand this is not common in other forms of yoga.)
Tip: Do not wear the burger-scented cologne to the gym.

Mmmmm... smells good...


Pro: Can be done on your lunch hour.
Con: Unless you're a cattle farmer or someone else who doesn't live in a city.
Tip: Do not try vaulting over a police car, especially if you're running away from a bank.

Parcour dress code FAIL.
(Note the
bolt cutter between his legs, and no that's not a euphemism.)

Pole dancing

Pro: Really works the arms and core muscles.
Con: Wearing a helmet while learning to dance might make you look silly.
Tip: Make sure your outfit has pockets in case people want to stuff money into your clothing.

I still think that's rather sweet...

Editor's Note: If anybody has any other, better exercise reviews, please let me know.


  1. I tried pole dancing but nary one other participant resembled those in your photo.

    I was sorely disappointed.

  2. Well shoot, I can never think of clever additions to these sort of list! I'm horribly pun-impaired.

    Guess I'll have to leave it to the prose.

    Cute post!

  3. I don't have any great puns for you, but I do have a great link. Precision Nutrition posted a ton of great exercise demo videos today:


  4. HA! awesome post! Doga sounds like a good time all around (although I dont think the pooch would be as amused :)


  5. Another wonderful post, Crabby!! I know enough to never try to compete with the master!

  6. I'm still dying to try Parkour. And upside down yoga. And aerial dancing. Oh, so many workouts so little time! (And money!!)

  7. OMG! The peeps pole dancing killed me! That is so freakin funny. I might have to make that my wallpaper....on the computer not in the house. That would be crossing the line.

    Crucifix fit? Is that the one where someone drags a cross down the highway around Easter time? No? My bad.

  8. That Prada Shoe ad hurts my eyes, but I love the pole dancing one.

  9. So Funny...but I love bootcamp I do it twice a week...What is wrong with me?

  10. Cute post!

    And that's an odd place for a bolt cutter.

  11. [bows before the master]
    [cleans brain]

    Mary Anne in Kentucky

  12. Power-90X
    Pro: You have the power to put an "X" on a calendar for 90 days.
    Con: Zapping 90 year old individuals with x-rays just makes them glow in the dark.

  13. Very funny! And kudos to Tom who posted jsut before me--very funny also.


  14. Great reviews! I've done pole dancing as a work out, that made me laugh!

  15. Great post. Never tried pole dancing but have down strip tease dancing. I have a whole new respect for the profession. Boot camp love, but not the 5:30am.
    Great post. Love your humour.

  16. I feel so boring now. Here I am doing stuff like the treadmill and the stepper. Maybe I should get a pole and start dancing! ;-) I could get fit and maybe even make some money while I am at it!

  17. See, your description of CrossFit is always what I assumed Pilate to be.

    What? It's Pilates?

    Okay, never mind.

  18. Don't have any help. Very cute post!

    I tried to have my retired army hubby help me with my workouts, and it was like I was in REAL bootcamp. Never again.

  19. Everybody keeps saying "cute post". While the content was entertaining, I really didn't find it very good looking.

  20. I really wish I hadn't read the part about Burpees (my subconscious self must have protected me the first time you blogged about it recently). Now I'm going to try it. And I'm going to get hurt.

    I wish you had posted that one video of the pole dancer landing on her head again. That one never gets old.

  21. I'm with Charlotte- I wanna try them all!

    Enjoyed your reviews, hehe.

  22. I hate to pop into to clarify that Merry wrote the post, since I'd love to hog the credit... but I cannot tell a lie, 'twas not me.

    Well, actually, I CAN tell a lie, but this one would be hard to get away with since the post has Merry's byline on it. I could only fool the poor email subscribers, who I only recently discovered have to guess who the author is since the byline part doesn't display for them.

    Will have to figure out how to fix that someday...

  23. Are we certain thats a bolt cutter and maybe not a nut cracker mr. burglar is holding so gingerly?

  24. I don't have a Doga, but my PilCates's always help me exercise....

  25. Being one that likes to keep challenging myself, I am for trying all but the dog one since I was attacked by a dog jogging so I am not over that yet. I like looking at the cute dogs but not ready to workout with them!

    I know people that love boot camps & if I was not such a gym rat, I would do them! As for pole dancing, I am afraid I would look like the peep doing that although it is supposed to be a great workout! Same with Crossfit.. would love to torture myself with that! Not sure about that free running stuff!

    I have posted & others too about stairclimbing. That is a great workout both cardio wise & will tighten up those legs & butt!

    Has anyone tried that hot yoga stuff.. doing yoga in a 110 degree room. That sounds brutal!

    Great post!

  26. These are too funny!!! I always have the problem of my kitty wondering what the heck I'm up to when I do yoga at home and as soon as I'm in Downward Dog, he's under me wanting to take a nap. *sigh* You gotta love animals!!

  27. Wow that was pretty comprehensive! I would have just bundled it up into the too hard basket :-)


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