A popular fishing spot in Oregon,
next to a (now destroyed) nuclear power plant
Photo credit: wikipedia commons

I have been reading a lot of nutrition/diet books lately, and I keep reading about toxic this and toxic that... the poor adjective has been used a whole lot. Oh yeah, that buzzword again, yawn.... hmmn... who's been kicked off Dancing with the Stars this week... But the fact that the word has become a popular marketing buzz-toy doesn't mean that there aren't toxins out there.

Isn't 'toxic' simply the latest buzzword?

A lot of the buzz is based on biology. There are some facts hidden amidst the fuss.

It is a fact that there are toxins out there, and it is a fact that your body deals with them, or tries to. And the body uses fat cells in the process.

Fat is useful

Fat, also known as adipose tissue, isn't just sitting there on your hips. (Or jiggling there on your hips. Whatever.) "Adipose tissue is a complex, essential, and highly active metabolic and endocrine organ."

Unlike some of us (*cough* points at self *cough*), the body doesn't go out and rent a storage area to put extra 'stuff' and then forget about it.

Photo credit: Esprit de sel

The body makes use of these fat cells. Fat cells are storage units that maintain triglyceride and free fatty acid levels. In addition, there are several different hormones created in fat cells. "Adipose tissue is also a major site for metabolism of sex steroids and glucocorticoids." Indeed, some of the metabolic processes that go on in adipose tissue aren't always beneficial in the long run. "...adipose tissue is a major endocrine organ that secretes numerous polypeptide hormones and cytokines that are proinflammatory and proatherogenic."

Fat cells are also the preferential storage area for toxins that your body can't get rid of in some other way.

No, you can't store children in these containers

(Photo credit: russeljsmith)

When your body meets a toxin... Not a sequel to When Harry Met
Sally

In general, you're pretty good when it comes to dealing with toxins. How your body deals with a toxin depends in part on how the toxin comes into the system. Sometimes the body's responses, which originated during a time when there was no industrial waste, aren't helpful. For example, when cigarette smoke comes into the lungs, the body reacts by transforming a major component of the smoke into a carcinogenic compound. (1)

Alternatively, if the body receives the toxin known as alcohol (grain alcohol) in relatively small doses, the liver processes it and the human frequently enjoys the process of being intoxicated.

Or, your body could store the toxin. "Most of us have been exposed to organochlorines found in pesticides, dyes, solvents, etc... and we contain residues in our adipose tissue, where they are preferentially stored."


Yet another reason to eat organic and not live next to a chemical factory

I don't mean to scare anybody, but you should be aware that if you've got toxins in your system, they can affect you adversely. "Because most of environmental chemicals, called estrogen disruptors or xenoestrogens, are toxic and estrogen/antiandrogen active, they can disregulate hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis potentially inducing reproductive disorders."

Similarly, if you're having problems with low thyroid levels, the toxins in your environment might be one of the causes. "Even after adjustment for weight loss, the related increase in organochlorine concentration has been correlated with decreases in triidothyronine (T3) concentration and resting metabolic rate."


Why all the talk about detox diets?

Researching all this stuff not only increased my paranoia level, it made me appreciate why people are so eager to buy books and products that purport to help rid your body of toxins. I plan to write another post on detox diets, but I had to write this one first, because there was too much material to fit into one post.

Three things I should mention here:

- All the kerfuffle about toxins in your system has some depressing basis in reality.

- Because this is such a popular subject, there are tons of unscrupulous people trying to sell you something to deal with toxins. I think it's safe to say that there might also some scrupulous people trying to sell you something to help with the problem.

- If you're obese, you have more toxins stored in your body. "... the obese tend to have increased organochlorine concentrations compared to lean individuals. During body weight loss, a decrease in fat mass results in lipid mobilization, and organochlorine concentrations increase both in plasma and remaining adipose tissue."

The preferential storage place is adipose tissue, the fat cells. If you are losing weight, and hopefully are doing weight lifting and aerobic exercise, then you're losing fat, which does mean that there are toxins circulating in your system. Even people who advocate Calorie Restriction do not recommend adopting the CR lifestyle too abruptly, for fear that losing a whole lot of weight quickly (and thus releasing a large the amount of toxins into the system all at once) might overwhelm the body:

"Our foods contain various chemicals (e.g. pesticides) that are fat soluble.... losing fat (weight) too quickly will flush lots of toxic chemicals into our bloodstream -- too fast for our bodies to effectively eliminate."

Toxins are bad for you, baby

I don't want to sound like I'm saying toxins are bad only if you're obese. They're bad, period. Remember the post that Crabby did about breast milk being used in restaurant meals? According to the World Health Organization (which supports breastfeeding), "Contamination of
human milk is widespread and due to decades of inadequately controlled pollution by toxicants, persistent pesticides or chemical solvents. These chemicals tend to degrade slowly in the environment, to bioaccumulate in the food chain and to have long half-lives in humans."


Well, now that you're feeling all paranoid...

Cheerful stuff, eh? I'm not trying to increase the general level of paranoia in the world; some of this stuff I can't control, so I refuse to stress over it. I will focus on the areas where I can control the amount of toxins.

If you're looking for ways to reduce the amount of toxins in your environment, iVillage has a quiz that claims to test how healthy your home is. They also have an interactive little video quiz that focuses on different areas of your home and ways to reduce pesticide levels. High-level stuff, but it's a starting place.

(1) Vander, Sherman, Luciano Human Physiology 6th edition, p. 740

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People are not rodents?
I coulda told you that!

Ever feel vaguely guilty because you're not one of those Calorie Restriction People who is supposedly going to live to be 120? Well, feel better: new research suggests the picture may have gotten a bit more complicated. Turns out, Calorie Restriction may not extend human lives the same way it does for rodents.

And if you're on a high protein diet? Er, you may want to give this study a bit of a look-see as well.


Bony Cronies?

There's an impressive amount of evidence out there that lab animals on very, very low calorie diets can live extremely long lives. And there is a group of Calorie Restriction People out there who apparently take this animal research very seriously.

From what I can tell, these poor guys (most of them are men, apparently), eat practically nothing and get very thin and cold but are perfectly happy living like that. There's a whole society of them, some of whom call themselves Cronies--(from "Calorie Restriction with Optimal Nutrition").

But even with their cute acronym, I've never been too tempted to join them. I'm guessing a Cronie doesn't get to eat much in the way of cupcakes. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather have a shorter, cupcake-inclusive life than live to be 120.

Where the hell is my cupcake?

Who Cares About IGF-1?

Most of us have never heard of it, but it stands for insulin-like growth factor-1. Blah blah blah, right? But here's the deal:

In animal models of longevity, extended lifespan seems to be related to this IGF-1 stuff. And in calorie-restricted animals, their levels of circulating IGF-1 decline 30 percent to 40 percent.

Turns out in humans on Calorie Restricted diets? Not so much. The researchers took a look at Cronies who'd been on a calorie-restriction diet for an average of seven years: their IGF-1 levels were "virtually identical to sedentary people who ate a standard, Western diet."

Whoops.

If I'd been nearly starving myself for seven years for the sake of longevity and found that out? I would not be a happy camper.

(MJM is not, to our knowledge, a Cronie;
he just takes a cute angry picture)

However, there was one group that did see reduced IGF-1 levels. Guess who? The vegans!

Hooray, happy Vegans!
(art by VeganWarrior)

Protein: Not So Good for Longevity?

The researchers already suspected, from previous research, that protein consumption could affect IGF-1 levels, so they compared the Cronies, who got 23-24% of their calories from protein, to a population of strict vegans who got only about 10% percent of their total calories that way.

Result? "The vegans had significantly less circulating IGF-1, even if they were heavier and had more body fat than Cronies," said the study's lead author, Luigi Fontana. "Protein in the diet seemed to correlate with the lower levels of IGF-1."

They also took a subgroup of the Cronies and had them lower their protein intake. After three weeks, "their circulating IGF-1 declined dramatically."


Bottom Line: You Might Want to Look at Your Protein Consumption

Fontana noted that the findings were preliminary and need to be confirmed. And he doesn't recommend a drastic low-protein diet either. Instead, he suggests limiting your consumption to the RDA, which is roughly 46 grams for women and 56 grams for men. (It depends on body weight: .82 grams of protein per kilogram.)

An interesting final quote:

"It's much easier to restrict protein than to restrict calories. If our research is on the right track, maybe humans don't need to be so calorie restricted. Limiting protein intake to .7 or .8 grams per kilogram per day might be more effective."


A Little Help from the Scientists, Please?

I don't know how seriously to take this study or these recommendations.

Frankly, I've always been an advocate of moderation when it comes to nutrition: a little bit of everything is sort of my philosophy. So I never signed on to the "eliminate all those scary carbs and get all the protein you can!" approach.

But I couldn't help but notice that this did not seem to be some widely publicized study out of the New England Journal of Medicine or anything. It was done out of the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis and published in the online journal Aging Cell. Unfortunately, the Cranky Fitness Academic Research Library consists solely of the Google, and I'm not familiar with the reputation of these sources. I don't even know how to quickly discover if a journal is peer-reviewed or not.

I know some of you out there are actual scientists--perhaps you might have a better idea how seriously to take this?

(And I wonder if the folks at Mark's Daily Apple will take a look at this one. They're both big on science and big on protein; I don't always agree with their conclusions but they're definitely a bunch of smarties over there and if they come across it, they may have some interesting things to say.)

What Do You Folks Think? Any opinions on Calorie Restriction, High-Protein diets, Veganism, or Whatever?

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Please don't let the title of this post scare you--we're not giving away breast milk this week. Our Friday Giveaway is just below. This is just an Odd's & End's post, because we're Odd, and it's the End of the week!


Return of The "What the Heck" Random Post Button

Merry and I thought perhaps we broke it, since we were using it a LOT. (And we were the only ones, as far as I can tell, but what can I say--it amuses us). It randomly calls up old Cranky Fitness Posts from the archives. It's on the right, under "Typical Crankiness."

This clever random post widget had apparently been working just fine for almost a year and a half, but a couple days after we installed it? It broke. (For everyone, not just us).

So if you find yourself at work, and not wanting to get back to something productive yet, check it out! No doubt you'll end up on a lame post like this one, but you never know.


Major Blog Funk Update:

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all who commented on my meltdown post. I truly do want to keep this blog going, and your helpful, compassionate, understanding, and sometimes hilarious comments really reminded me of why it's so essential to me to stay part of this awesome community of people.

I need to figure out how to get more streamlined over the next few months while I try to get a book proposal together. (Not that there's any reason to think a book proposal would fly. But it's part of the Grand Plan and one of the reasons I started a blog in the first place. I didn't actually plan to blog indefinitely, but hell, now I'm hooked.)

So I'm thinking...

I may not be commenting very often on other folk's blogs over the next few weeks or months. Which is selfish, and probably short-sighted. I will no doubt go into a panic when comments here start to dwindle.

However, I will be stopping by your blogs, to see what you're up to--just not commenting very often.

I know it it sounds silly, but as much as I love it, trying to comment on so many of your fine blogs takes me a huge amount of time. I wish I was better organized and more efficient!


Blogroll Update

In attempting to update the Random Rotating Blogroll, I think I may have lost some of you whom I didn't mean to delete. (Doh!) Plus, there are newer Cranky Fitness Friends who should be on there, but I haven't been very organized about noticing that you're not.

So: are you a somewhat recurrent visitor/commenter/linker to us?

Are we on your blogroll, or if you don't have one, have you mentioned us in some way in the not too distant past?

Do you have a blog which may be of interest to our readers?

Do you keep visiting the site but your blogname NEVER seems to come up in the random blogroll?

Well, if all these are true, then shoot, we need to add you! Sorry. Please leave a comment or send us an email and we'll correct it.

On the other hand, whenever I've even whispered the word "blogroll" in the past, people I've never heard of before (who often have boring blogs) and no relationship to CF sweep in from the far reaches of the blogosphere and ask to be included. We'd like the list to be useful to readers, and stay short enough that everyone sees their name up there fairly frequently. So we'll try to be somewhat selective.


Cranky Quiz Answers:

Not only was Merry was kind enough to assemble the Cranky Quiz, but she provided answers and links. So, how did you all do?

Answers:

1c. Dear Crabby.
2d. The infamous Slanket!
3b. The Lobster
4c. Recycle those old shoes and they'll be turned into rubber-type running surfaces!
5c. Rhoda Runner
6a. Salvia Divinorum
7b. The Cookie diet
8c. The Flat Belly
9a. Hide your alarm clock? As if!
10d. Coffee addiction


And What's That about Breast Milk on the Menu?

Yep, literally.

Over at L.A. Time's Booster Shots, they're reporting about a Swiss chef who plans to put human breast milk on the menu at his restaurant. He'd like to feature soups and stews that are up to 75% breast milk. (Local authorities, however, take a dim view of it).

And Peta chimed in too, sending a letter to Ben and Jerry's, asking them to start using human mother's milk instead of cow's milk for health reasons.

I have a strong, reflexive "acccck" reaction. But why should it seem gross? Why is the idea of consuming human milk so unappealing, when we are, actually, human? It really is arguably more natural than drinking cows milk. But, well, .... yuck.

Update: I just discovered after I wrote this that yet again, Healthbolt beat me to it and already posted on this. That's what I get for dawdling. They really are a great source of weird health news.

So what do you think of adult humans eating stuff made from breast milk? (Anyone ever tried it?)

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Feeling' a little restless and need to burn off some energy? Wouldn't it be nice to have this waiting for you in your basement? Or, heh-heh-heh, your spare bedroom?

Yeah, okay, we don't actually mean Mr. Meaty here. We mean the Perfect Pull-Up, which actually looks pretty cool.

(Oops, did we just scare off all the straight guys? Sorry! But Cranky Fitness feels a responsibility to fight against the inexcusably tiny Beefcake-to-Cheesecake ratio in modern advertising. We're going to try to tip the scales back to 50-50! Do check back in a few thousand years, will you, and see how that's going?)

And Giveaway Skimmers, yes, it's that time.

You know what to do. Details about the nifty fitness product and the entry instructions are below if you're feeling impatient with my disjointed thoughts about pull ups and home fitness equipment and want to skip down. Don't worry; the regulars and I will join you in the comments section in a few minutes--and we promise not to talk about you while you're gone.

Bye now!

(Ha! Think they bought it? Now... since it's just us again...don't you think that the people who actually read Cranky Fitness posts even when they're boring are way COOLER than the folks who just head straight down for a chance to win the goodies?

Ooops... shh... I think I hear a few of them coming back.... Quick, let's distract them!)




Where were we? Oh yeah...

Pull-Ups!

So I know I've blogged about them before, because there seems to be a big movement to get women doing pull-ups. Which is great, in that pull-ups are one of those good combo moves, where you get to work a bunch of muscles at once. We like that!

We just don't think anyone should feel bad if they can't do unassisted pull-ups. Especially since I can't do them yet either. Doing unassisted pull ups should not be some sort of new Fitness Requirement. But for those who can do them: hooray for you! (I'm getting closer, but so far, still need about 20 lbs of assistance. You can bet if I ever get to the point I can do them without help, I'll be posting my first ever Cranky Fitness video and you're all gonna have to pretend you've watched it).


Got a Home Gym?

Since it turns out I actually didn't have much to say about pull-ups that I haven't already said, let's talk about another giveaway related subject: working out at home.

Alas, I don't have a home gym set-up anymore. We used to have one in California, and I miss it a lot.

You know which was the most useful piece of equipment we had in our gym?

(Ours was not this nice)

Yep, the washer. And the dryer. Because it was the need to visit these machines that reminded us of the treadmill and the weights and stability ball, etc.

Did you know that doing laundry goes particularly well with weight training? Especially if you hate weight training and have to coax yourself in to it. Instead of doing it all at once, you can just do a couple of exercises every time you bring down laundry or fold clothes or whatever. Eventually, both the laundry and your strength training are done!

Your sure can't do that at 24 Hour Fitness.

Of course, even if you don't have weights or a perfect pull-up machine or a treadmill, you can still exercise at home.

And the clever folks at Elastic Waist put up this helpful video to explain just how to do it!




About The Perfect Pull-Up:

So the Perfect Pull-Up comes from the same folks who make the Perfect Pushup. You can find more pictures of Mr. Meaty read more about the product at the Perfect Pullup Page of the Perfect Pushup Website.

But if you don't feel like clicking, here's the PR Pitch from the Perfect PullUp People:

It's "a complete system for working over 600 muscles, now available with an ab strap that provides an additional workout for the body core. Additional innovations include rotating handles that allow consumers to do pullups and chinups together for the first time and two swing arms that can be used in three different positions where consumers of any fitness levels can improve from standing row pullups, to Australian pullups, to normal pullups."

The system retails for $99.95 and includes "one adjustable Pullup bar, two swing arms, two rotating handles, ab straps, and a 21-day workout created by founder and former Navy SEAL Alden Mills." It installs into any standard door frame. It's designed to "take one of the toughest basic exercises, the pullup, and makes it doable for consumers of any fitness level."

Sounds awesome!


How To Win A Perfect Pull Up:

Sorry, U.S. residents only again, dagnab it. (Although international folks can play for a U.S. friend). Note: if we EVER get a product that the PR firms are willing to have shipped internationally, I think I'm going to have an International Only Giveaway, not that it would make up for all of these.

If you'd like to enter, leave a comment saying why you might want a Perfect Pullup. And of course, we appreciate comments of all kinds, whether they be about Pullups or Beefcake or Fridays or whatever. The entries we like best (for completely arbitrary reasons) will be given triple credit and assigned 3 numbers rather than one.

And I don't usually mention this, but in case you were wondering... folks who leave multiple comments are only entered in these things for their first comment, so no need to worry if you see someone coming back to chat. We like that just fine! (However, if anyone is ever caught coming up with multiple identities to try to fool us into thinking you are different people, you will be banned from winning CF giveaways for life. You will also acquire some pretty nasty karma. But we don't tend to attract that sort of person here, thank goodness).

Contest deadline: Tuesday night, Sept 30th; winner announced Wednesday, Oct 1. If you win, please email to claim your prize by Friday Oct 3rd.

Note: Another post is coming up later today--we owe you quiz answers, and I want to post a bit of a Blog Update.

Oh, and for another cool giveaway, be sure to check out what Leslie's got for you over at The Weighting Game!

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Image: interllectual

I was going to put together this well-reasoned, deeply intellectual and incredibly scintillating post about ... oh, something or other. Exercising, I think. But Crabby's post of day gone by got me thinking about the history of the blog.

In my most assuredly non-professional opinion, the occasional mood of 'feeling down' is not a bad thing at all. It's like a flag thrown up by the subconscious trying to get some important message through my oft clueless awake self. I don't enjoy feeling depressed, but it sometimes feels like a necessary adjustment period.

I would also like to mention that I think there's a great community of people who comment on this blog. Sometimes it's tempting to take out the post and just leave the comments. They're good.

And speaking of good... are you feeling smart today? Think you know Cranky Fitness? Sure about that? I've put together a quiz based on the long year and a half amount of time that Cranky Fitness has been cranking out crank wise words about fitness.

There's no prize except for the sheer joy of intellectual fulfillment. But that's nothing to sneer at.

1. Before the Ask Cranky Fitness posts, what kind of advice column was
offered?
a) The Doctor is in... gimme the quarter
b) Whaddya want to know?
c) Dear Crabby
d) Silly questions, sillier answers, no charge

2. What does Crabby want for Christmas?
a) Squash!
b) Whirled peas
c) Either of the above, so long as it is covered in chocolate
d) Her very own warm slanky robe

3. What is the name of Crabby's significant other?
a) The Crayfish
b) The Lobster
c) The Cuttlefish
d) The Significant Other

4. What is the Cranky Fitness recommendation as to what you can do with your old running shoes?
a) Rush them to the nearest HazMat facility
b) Palm them off on unsuspecting friends and relations
c) Recycle them at an obliging store
d) I can't repeat that in public!

5. Which of the following is a type of runner, according to Cranky Fitness?
a) Roger Rabbit
b) Selma Slug
c) Rhoda Runner
d) Twinkle Toes

6. Which one of the following is a legal* hallucinogen, according to Ms. Crab?
a) Salvia Divinorum
b) Psilocybin mushrooms (a.k.a. 'shrooms, dude!)
c) Kava Kava
d) Coffee

*Legal in the U.S. We're not talking what's legal in Amsterdam; that would make for a much longer list.

7. What diet did Sara from Healthbolt write about in a guest post?
a) The cupcake diet
b) The cookie diet
c) The ice cream with hot fudge diet
d) The pizza diet

8. Which body part did Crabby worry about for a whole post?
a) The flat ass
b) The flat chest
c) The flat belly
d) The flat feet

9. Which of the following was not one of Crabby's recommendations for getting up in the morning?
a) Hide your alarm clock
b) Get a dog
c) Get a cat
d) Drink a gallon of water right before bedtime

10. What addiction does Crabby freely, and indeed shamelessly, admit to?
a) Late night encounters with Baskin & Robbins
b) A collection of Barry Manilow records
c) Pizza with gratuitous anchovies
d) Hot coffee lovin'

Okay, put down your pencils. How'd you do?

What, you're not sure? I'll see if I can persuade Crabby to post the answers tomorrow. I suspect she's planning a cool and tantalizing giveaway, but maybe I can slip the answer post in afterwards. In very small print or something.

Answers here.

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So there's a shiny new template up at Cranky Fitness, and more visitors than ever. I've got a great co-blogger whom I love working with, and ambitious plans to turn Cranky Fitness into a book... things are looking great!

Gosh, what a lovely time for an emotional meltdown!

So yes, that was indeed Crabby McSlacker over in the comments at Mizfit recently, inappropriately blurting out my doubts about blogging. I was in a bad mood, and I found myself pondering, out loud, whether I should think about quitting the whole Cranky Fitness deal. I even found myself in tears several times during the day; anyone who's met me knows this is not normal crab behavior.

What's UP with that?

I don't know why it hit full force yesterday. But it's been simmering for a long time: What am I doing? Where is this leading? How could I ever quit Cranky Fitness? But how can I continue to blog indefinitely, with very little income to show for it and no exit plan?


What the Hell are You Talking About?

This whole post is going to seem bizarre to the majority of you, who either (a) don't have a blog of your own or (b) have a blog that you write for your own amusement or to further your self-improvement goals.

Blogging is just supposed to be for fun, right?

Well, yeah, it is mostly. But there is a subgroup of bloggers who blog not only because we enjoy it, but because we have delusional fantasies hopes that some day we might actually earn some income from it. This could be either from advertising revenue, or by growing a large enough audience that we can promote our writing or our businesses or whatever.

I got plenty of warning that this was not likely to happen, but I started a blog anyway. It takes a long time to grow a blog big enough to make money; very few folks make it. Those who do are often experts, brilliant writers, folks who have their fingers on the pulse of pop culture, or tenacious, talented marketers.

I am none of those things. But I jumped in anyway, and found myself instantly hooked. I wanted to somehow "succeed" at it.


The Downside of Blog Ambitions

If you're trying to build an audience for your blog and make money from it in some way, it's more of a challenge than just blogging for fun. At least that's true for me. It takes way more time. You would think, with just one blog to write and the luxury of an awesome co-blogger, Merry, handling my "blog duties" would be a piece of cake. Some people write many successful and popular blogs, all by themselves! But I'm not a speedy, efficient, go-get-'em type. Stuff just takes me longer than it does other people.

And have I mentioned I'm neurotic?

To grow Cranky Fitness into a "real" blog, I figure I have to write not just when I feel like it, but when I don't. I write long posts that take hours and hours and then realize they're not "good enough" for publication so I don't run them. I worry when feed subscriptions drop for no reason. I watch the stats constantly. I feel terrible when I realize I haven't commented on blogs I like; I feel dumb for not taking advantage of promotional opportunities that could help me get the word out about Cranky Fitness, just because they involve a little extra work. I forget to link to great blog posts I've seen even though the bloggers who've written them link to me all the time.

Most problematic of all, I am a painfully slow writer, and it can take forever for me to do the research, organize my thoughts, and compose a post. (I know it doesn't seem like it, given the slap-dash quality of the writing. But, sadly enough, even slap-dash takes me a huge amount of time and futzing around).

Let's face it: I'm a dawdler. I'm sure one day they'll discover a gene responsible for dawdling. And when they do, I plan to blog about it at Cranky Fitness. Slowly!

And there's also stress. How can blogging be stressful? I suspect my family and friends think I'm nuts. But there is always something I'm behind on; something that needs doing. My brain is constantly trying to turn everyday events into blog posts, when it should probably be experiencing and enjoying some of those events. Sometimes there is even sleeplessness. And there is time spent blogging that would probably be better spent with loved ones.

Net result? It's kind of like a job. With only the hope of money someday, not the actual green stuff that could buy groceries. (Okay, technically we get a little bit of ad revenue, but it might shock you to find out how little that is).

Then Why Do It?

So here's the thing: if in some ways blogging resembles a job, it also happens to be one of the best jobs in the world, at least for me.

I've never done anything as satisfying, exhilarating, joyous, and engrossing. For all my whining and frequent feelings of inadequacy, I would love to be a professional blogger.

I've met and befriended so many cool people; I've learned so many fascinating things; I've participated in so many discussions where I was totally blown away by what others had to say. When I used to hear talk about blog "communities," I had no idea. But it's true! It's the best part about blogging. Well, and I also love getting to mouth off about stuff and have people actually stop by and read it. Oh, and the occasional free hazlenut candy bar. Those are nice too.

The weirdest thing? "Crabby McSlacker" is not just a blog name. In my own mind, I really have become Crabby McSlacker. Is that twisted, or what?

So I can't imagine ever giving it up.

But then some days I can't imagine continuing to spend so much time at a "job" I love that doesn't pay any actual money.


Why am I blogging about this?

It's a really dumb idea; I know that.

A good blog friend of mine posed the question: what is your goal in posting about this?

And I didn't have an answer. Not for a long time. But then it kind of occurred to me what this is all about: I need to kick my own ass.


I think it's time for me to get serious about turning Cranky Fitness into something at at least resembles a Real Job.

It could be the blog-based book proposal I keep talking about but never seem to get around to writing. It could be increasing our page views to a more serious number and getting some non-trivial ad revenue in. (We get about 35,000 a month; I suspect we need to be at least triple that to even have a hope of being seen as a "real" blog by sponsors or book publishers.)

Hell, I'd be happy to sell T-shirts and coffee mugs. Whatever.

I have a deadline in mind but it seems a really silly idea to share it, since I could change my mind tomorrow. Let's just say it's not in the immediate future. But it's no longer just "whenever," either. There's a date. This is a first for me and it's a scary thing to think about.


And if I can't turn it into a job...

It doesn't necessarily mean the end of Cranky Fitness.

Perhaps I just need to transition the blog into something I do for solely for fun. I could post once a month if that's all I felt like. Let Merry handle all the real health and fitness posting while I put up cute pictures of my cat. Who knows.


Am I the only one or do any other bloggers struggle with this?

Does anyone else find that blogging is taking up more and more of your life, stealing time away from other pursuits or even from the people you love?

Do any of you ever fantasize about walking away, but then recoil in horror at what it would be like, the morning after, to suddenly have no blog?

Is there life after blogging?

Or non-bloggers: does this all sound totally crazy? I imagine it does; sorry about that!

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So congratulations, Azusmom, you are the winner in the MBT shoe giveaway!

Please contact us before Friday night, Sept 26th (midnight EST) by emailing crabbymcslacker @ gmail dot com. If you happen to have your shoe choice, shoe size, and mailing info that would be nifty. (If it turns out your favorite isn't available, then we'll figure out something!)

And thanks to all who commented with so many dang good reasons to walk!

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Thanks to Crabby and to John-the-Designer for putting together the new template! (They both put a lot of work into it.) And I totally love the "Random" link on the sidebar. Click it and you're instantly transported back in time to a previous Cranky Fitness episode.

[Intrusive Note from the Crab.... ironically, we are having technical difficulties this morning with the random post function so I had to remove it. It's been working fine up until last night! Since I don't know how it works--I just swiped the code from a blogger help site--I have no idea why it stopped working. I really liked it too! Sorry, will check into it and try to bring it back...]

Maybe to other people this has all the fascination of looking at someone's old photos, i.e. very little, but I think it's great fun. Also, I love random things in general, which is why this post came into existence. Yes, it's Random Tuesday.

Could this be the end of Ask Cranky Fitness?

That's what's known as a cheap attempt at an attention-getting headline. Did it work?


Here's the scoop:

Turns out we've got competition in the advice department. No, I'm not talking about that woman whose name rhymes with Crabby; I'm talking about Sidetaker.com.

It's a website that lets couples give their sides of an argument. People vote on which one is right, and leave comments giving advice. Not nearly as funny as the Ask Cranky Fitness posts, in my modest opinion but they get a whole lot of people writing in. There's something for everyone.

My latest favorite (favorite irritant) is the boyfriend who wrote in complaining that because his girlfriend was overweight, he was thinking of cheating on her. Her response was that she was 10 pounds over her ideal weight. (My own response would have been 'Get lost!', but maybe this guy had hidden depths that I can't appreciate. I mean, c'mon, 10 pounds over ideal makes him want to stray? If she were only 5 pounds over the ideal weight, would he flirt only half as much with other women?)

And how much does he weigh, hmmmn?

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Please don't let this site stop you from sending in a question to Ask Cranky Fitness!

Weird Science about sex and the ultimate Catch-22

There was a story in the news about a woman who had a stroke, at 35, because of having sex. Geez, not only do you have to worry about smog, global warming, trans fats, and what to do with excess squash, now sex itself can be bad for your health.

If that wasn't bad enough, there's a study out that says having sex can help men to avoid ED (which in this case does not stand for eating disorder).

But... wait a minute. If you had ED, then you wouldn't be in a position (so to speak) to use the remedy that they're advocating for your condition. You're kinda... um, well, I have to say it... screwed. I suppose what they really mean is that you should practice preventative measures just in case the problem comes up. (I swear, there are times when every phrase I can think of seems to have a double meaning. Luckily, you are all too pure and innocent to recognize any double entendres ... oh, who am I kidding.)

Are your co-workers giving you the cold shoulder?


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Social isolation makes people feel physically cold, find University of Toronto psychologists Chen-Bo Zhong, PhD, and Geoffrey J. Leonardelli, PhD.

Moreover, they find that making people feel left out makes them more likely to choose hot soup or coffee over warm or room-temperature foods and beverages.

"It's striking that people preferred hot coffee and soup more when socially excluded," Leonardelli says in a news release. "Our research suggests that warm chicken soup may be a literal coping mechanism for social isolation."

Gee... comfort food is a coping mechanism? Film at 11!

Is your boyfriend acting extremely cranky? Is he on a diet?

In the Depressing News department, a low-fat diet can also be detrimental to your health. Findings suggest a link between low cholesterol and violent death. "According to Dr. Beatrice Golomb, staff physician at San Diego Veterans Affairs Medical Center in California, it is possible that low cholesterol is accompanied by a reduction in the brain chemical serotonin, which is believed to control violent behavior. 'We know that low-serotonin people are more likely to commit suicide, especially by violent means, and homicide,' explained Golomb, who also works as a research professor of psychiatry at the University of Southern California."

I don't know how much faith to put in this finding, specifically the correlation between a low-fat diet and low-cholesterol & low-serotonin levels. I mean, yes, I can see that being on either extreme of the cholesterol range can be bad for you. A diet of 100% iceberg lettuce or 100% ice cream ditto. Being on the extreme of any range carries a risk. (Especially a firing range.) Doesn't mean I'm going to stop eating that oatmeal. I think I could live healthy & happy on the lower end of the low-fat diet, so long as I'm not on the edge.

The three Cs -- Carrots, Celery, and (the occasional) Cupcake!

Besides, if someone prone to anger went on a low-fat diet, would the first sign be an urge to grab an axe and go out looking for someone to harm? I would think that a person would first start with feelings of slight irritation, mild anger, moderate anger, working up to intense fury. This doesn't seem to me to be a reason to avoid low-fat diets. It seems like Yet Another Reason to practice that moderation stuff, the low-fat-with-the-occasional-treat diet.

Please tell me if you think differently about this. Or if you are on the side of the boyfriend of the woman who's 10 pounds overweight. Or if you have problems with the idea of cliff-hanging headlines. Or frankly, anything else. I promise, no cold shoulder.

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Why a Smoothie Recipe?

This post is not just a cynical attempt to discover if "Smoothie Recipe" is something people might google someday and suddenly find themselves at Cranky Fitness.

Well, OK, partly it is. As Merry mentioned in a previous post about squash, we find ourselves forever indebted to our reader Susan for her stuffed bell pepper recipe. It brings us almost as much traffic as some of our most popular search terms: "big fat ass," "flat belly diet," and "big bouncy breasts!" We don't know if it's something particular about stuffed peppers, or if it's just having "recipe" in the title. Whatever it is, we'd certainly like to encourage it.

But really, that's not the main reason for suddenly posting about smoothies.

It's just that lately I've rediscovered drinking smoothies for breakfast. Sometimes I go through smoothie phases, where nothing sounds better. Healthy and easy, but tasty too--it's like getting to drink a milkshake at 8 a.m., but with no guilt!

But then all of a sudden, for no particular reason I'm all: meh, no thanks. Done with smoothies. Buh bye. Catch ya' again in another 6 months or so.

As Easy as Pie! Wait, pie isn't easy...

Now there are different schools of thought on smoothies, and lots of people like complicated smoothies with all kinds of exotic and nutritious ingredients in them. You folks: sorry, this recipe will seem pathetic. There is nothing green or fermented or powdered or specially imported.

(I'm hoping you'll all share your smoothie tips with us in the comments, because smoothies are a personal thing--so the more options, the better.)

No, this recipe is probably better designed for people who end up buying the overpriced kind at the mall food court every now and then, hoping it's a relatively healthy choice. (Alas, not always. Unless, for example, a 560 calorie pina colada smoothie from Smoothie Factory with 105 grams of sugar sounds like a nutritional bargain). This super-simple recipe is to encourage you non-smoothie making folks to buy a blender, or if you have an old relic in the basement, to find it and resurrect it.

(Note: If it still smells like Cuervo, lime juice
and triple sec, you probably need to wash it).

If Crabby can do it, you certainly can. There's only one tricky part, which we'll get to in a moment.

Finally, The Recipe:

Ready? Here we go:


Easy Smoothie Recipe:

1 cup milk (I use nonfat)
1/2 cup frozen banana slices
1/2 cup Some Other Tasty Frozen Fruit
A small splash of vanilla (optional)
And maybe a little bit of sugar, honey or other sweetener to taste (also optional).

I usually pour the milk in first, since the lines on the blender measure it for me, then I dump in the frozen fruit, vanilla, and (gasp) a tiny bit of splenda. Next, I hit the "Frappe the hell out of it, baby," button.

Voila!

It's basically just nonfat milk and fruit, but the frozen bananas magically transform it into something that tastes like it should be evil.

The tricky part I mentioned? It's having the damn sliced frozen bananas and some other kind of frozen fruit on hand. It just doesn't taste as good with ice and room temperature fruit.

So when you buy bananas and they start to go bad, you gotta cut 'em and freeze 'em. This is one of those annoying "think ahead" things. I usually use frozen blueberries for the other fruit, which is why I have such an awesome memory, but mango is also pretty tasty.

Do any of you drink smoothies? What do you like in 'em?

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Readers who have been around for a while may recall the day, many months ago, when Cranky Fitness embarked on a template redesign.

It was going to look mostly like the old design, but New And Improved! Complete with three whole columns!

After some sort of announcement or other, the redesigned site was launched. And...

It didn't go very well.

All the columns piled up on top of each other on many people's computers, so that the entire blog became one long skinny column that was only a few words wide.

Nice!

But on other computers (like mine) it looked just fine. So it was impossible for me to figure out how to fix it.

The whole experience was quite frustrating--McSlackers are not known for their persistence in the face of obstacles. When Slacker meets Obstacle? Obstacle wins.

This time, we're getting some help. However, even with a Smart Web Design Guy, there are challenges to switching out a Blogger template with a new improved model. Blogger does not like change. It particularly doesn't like to see new widgets replace old widgets. Blogger expresses its displeasure by scattering things around, deleting things that it takes exception to, and randomly assigning mismatched titles to whatever's left.

So things may come and go this weekend in odd ways. If you catch us in the middle of the transition, the blog will look decidedly weird; please be patient. However, if things look like they're stable over several hours, but are still messed up on your computer? That's not good. Please let us know!



(more cat pictures over here.)

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[By Crabby]




We are big fans of walking here at Cranky Fitness. What's not to like about walking? It's cheap, relatively easy, entertaining, and very healthy.

In fact, even though I'm generally a cranky ol' crab, I seem to get unusually cheerful when blogging about walking--whether it's my favorite place to walk in the whole world, or my strange summer night-time ramblings. (OK, so maybe not so cheerful when discussing how to pee outdoors when taking a walk in the woods. I can always find something to whine about.) But generally: we're huge fans of walking here.

So when I heard MBT was doing a campaign celebrating 30 Reasons to Walk, naturally my first thought was: "Give us some free shoes!" "What a great idea!"

But rather than go on again about why I like to walk, I thought I'd let you folks share some good reasons you have for walking. And give you a chance to maybe win some free shoes.


About The Giveaway

Yes, MBT did generously offer to donate a pair of shoes for us to give away. If you are a U.S. resident (or have a U.S. friend you want to play for) just leave a comment telling us a reason you walk. Winner will receive a pair of MBT shoes of their choosing (assuming the style/size is available; if not, we'll find something from MBT you like).

The winner will be chosen by the Random Number Generator. However, the "best" 20 entries will be given triple credit and will be assigned 3 numbers instead of one. ("Best" can mean funniest, most creative, most motivational--whatever.)

Want some inspiration? The 30 Reasons to Walk site has 30 ideas you can swipe for your comment. And they've also got a daily shoe giveaway contest of their own. (It's not clear about residency requirements, but I didn't see anything about nationality in the entry form). Plus, they've got 30 walking songs that are free to download. (And lots of them are actually really good ones; I was surprised!)

Note: If you are not a U.S. resident and are feeling grumpy about all these darn U.S. only giveaways, feel free to leave an aggrieved comment about the situation, or tell us why walking sucks, just to be contrary. Whatever. We love comments, and I can totally relate: because of our contract with Blogher, we can't get free MBT's either. And I'd love some).

Contest deadline: Tuesday, midnight EST, September 23rd;
Winner Announced: Wednesday, September 24th:
Winner needs to email Cranky Fitness by: Friday, Sept 26th, midnight EST in order to claim the prize; otherwise we'll redraw.

About the Shoes:

Check out the coolness of these shoes over at the anti-shoe site. A lot of technology has gone into them: according to the MBT folks, the shoes are "designed to limit harmful impact to joints, improve posture and tone muscles—including saving the back, lifting the butt, toning the thighs, and flattening abs. Wearing MBTs mimics walking barefoot in sand and engages core muscles... just by standing."



(However, we promise they won't turn you skin blue in the process).

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[By a disgruntled Merry]

image: chrkl

Yes, this is another post that questions research. Or, to be more accurate, it questions the way researchers question.

[Warning: this post contains dangerously high levels of statistics and percentages and such-like nasty math things. Proceed at your own risk.]

The Reuters/Zogby Index, which "measures the mood of the country," went up 4.4%. Apparently, "Americans remain worried about the U.S. economy and their personal finances, but their outlook brightened for the second consecutive month..."

So people are worried, but they're also feeling more cheerful about it. Huh?

It sounds like something Harry Potter would read in his tea leaves.


The pollster says the following statistics are cheering:

- The number of Americans who believe the country is on the right track rose to 25 percent from 23 percent
In other words, only 75% of the population thinks we're all doomed, not 78%.
- The number who are confident about their children's future climbed to 68 percent from 64 percent.
An increase of 4% in a poll of a thousand people is relevant?
- 45 percent of Americans said they plan to spend a little less or a lot less on gifts during the upcoming holiday season.
But Santa, I've been good this year!

How can that be cheerful?

The pollster, John Zogby, figured this meant "There are a lot of reasons to still have the jitters, but maybe people are learning to deal with them."

To me, this maketh not sense.

I realize that someone who appreciates sadistics um, I mean statistics more than I do (which isn't hard to imagine) might feel that this is a relevant number of people and that this whole telephone poll idea is a good thing. I understand polling a small number of people can produce accurate results if you take a sample that's representative of the populace.

What makes the poll so droll is twofold:
- This month's telephone poll surveyed 1,008 likely voters.
- They called people on their landline phones.

The number of people with landline phones is roughly equivalent with the number of people who remember when Farrah Fawcett was one of Charlie's Angels.


In other words, there's a section of the population who isn't being asked how they feel.

Yes, I'm exaggerating a bit about Ms. Fawcett

According to government statistics from 2007, it's actually closer to 13% of the population that doesn't have a landline.

To quote Scott Keeter, from the Pew Research Center, "If people who can only be reached by cell phone were just like those with landlines, their absence from surveys would not create a problem for polling. But cell-only adults are very different. The National Health Interview Survey found them to be much younger, more likely to be African American or Hispanic, less likely to be married, and less likely to be a homeowner than adults with landline telephones. These demographic characteristics are correlated with a wide range of social and political behaviors."

I concede that there would be a lot of complaints if people were called on their cell phones, thereby paying for someone to ask them questions. But it's unrealistic to assume that this doesn't skew the poll. It's like when a poll predicted Roosevelt would lose the 1936 election, when he won by a good margin. The responses were not representative of the whole voting population.

Yes, I'd love to see some positive news. Some could argue that it's positive to mention the fact that there are 40 more people out there who think their children have a good future. Me, I figure it's not unlikely that some of these people just had progeny since the last poll, and some of the others are feeling more cheerful because little Cyril is doing better at math and little Cindy has just broken up with her crack-using boyfriend. Given the land vs. cell issue, I think there might be too few people in the poll for an increase of that size to indicate a trend one way or another.

Studies we'd like to see

I'd love to see studies that went something like this:

[Reuters] A far-reaching Swiss study, covering 47 countries over 49 years, has conclusively proven that tiramasu causes humans to live longer and fit into skinny jeans easier than a steady diet of broccoli.

[API] A poll of 4,632 shopping mall employees discovered that 97% of them think their future will be greatly improved once they're able to vote.

[Cranky Fitness] Research conclusively proves that eating chocolate doubles your IQ and makes people sexier.

I mean, if the polls are going to be glib, they might as well be fun.

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[By Crabby]


At Cranky Fitness, we generally prefer scientific studies over most other sources of health information. (Not that we don't appreciate late-night infomercials about the need to detoxify our feet, or suggestions from Annoying Bad Breath Neighbor Guy. (Leeches for migraines? Really?)

We especially love it when science tells us that our good healthy habits are paying off. Want to feel cheerful? There's a great round-up over at Mark's Daily Apple about the ways in which exercise and nutritious food choices are good for your brain.

However, while we believe in science, we have our issues with lots of research that goes on. So, we often bitch about these studies. Sometimes we even make up our own!

But mostly, if a study looks lame or it says something we don't want to hear, we just don't cover it. We're one small health blog in a huge blogosphere; we figure you can get your flawed conclusions or your bad news somewhere else.

Today though, for a change of pace, let's take a look at some recent studies and articles I was going to blow off because I didn't like what they said. But hey, changed my mind: they give me something to whine about!


More Things That Are Dirtier Than Your Toilet

The list of things that are dirtier than your toilet keeps growing. We've been told steering wheels, cell phones, and drinking fountains are all more germy and contaminated than toilets. And now, courtesy of Healthbolt comes a study scaring us with alarming news about how contaminated and dangerous and gross our kitchen sinks and sponges are. An environmental microbiology professor even said that according to his findings, "your post-flush toilet bowl is indeed cleaner than your kitchen sink."





But come on: you don't poop in your kitchen sink!

I don't care what the studies say, I refuse to believe that a cell phone or a kitchen sink is nastier than the toilet. If these benign-looking things I touch every day were really such a threat, why am I not good and dead now?

(And perhaps it was just a coincidence that the kitchen sink study was sponsored by Lysol?)


Thing You're Healthy? Weird Signs That You're at Risk

Prevention magazine recently published a compilation of several studies I'd been ignoring individually. The findings are intriguing, but depressing. A quick summary:

• A weak sense of smell (if you are older) suggests you're at 5 times the risk of getting Parkinsons.
• Women who have index fingers shorter than their ring fingers are more likely to get knee osteoarthritis. (They're also more likely to be gay).
• Women taller than 5' 2" are less likely to have a longevity gene that aids in reaching one's 100th birthday.
• Short women were more prone to having elevated enzymes indicative of liver disease.
• Women with short arms were more likely to develop Alzheimer's disease.

Weird, huh? But don't you kinda wish you hadn't read it?


When Doctors are Not Nice

We already know that doctors sometimes lie about giving you a placebo, or they make up insulting nicknames; but a new study also says doctors (or, in this case, medical residents) have also been known to laugh at you behind your back. A full seventeen percent confessed to having laughed at a patient. (More on this at Vitamin G).

Heh heh heh heh.

Is this supposed to be shocking? Actually, I'm shocked (and skeptical) that it's only 17%. Of course doctors laugh at their patients!

Gosh, next we'll find out that bank tellers sometimes laugh at their customers and cops sometimes laugh at crooks and ministers laugh at members of their congregations. You're not allowed to laugh, ever, at the nutty people you deal with in your job even when they're not there?

As long as the people I deal with are not laughing at me to my face, I'm cool.


It Doesn't Pay To Think Too Hard

Mary Anne in Kentucky sent me a link to this depressing study about eating and thinking a while ago, but then I procrastinated and Healthbolt beat me to it. Basically, it says that doing challenging mental tasks leads to greater calorie consumption than if you were just sitting around vegging out. And no, thinking hard doesn't burn any extra calories, even though it sure feels like it should.

Doesn't that suck? Let's all get off the internet and find something less fattening to do, shall we?



And finally:


Worship Celebrities, It's Good For Your Health!

I confess: I couldn't even make myself read this Time Magazine article on the mental health benefits of celebrity worship.

Enough. Someone else will just have to report back on how this could possibly be true. I have my limits!

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[By Crabby]

First off, here's the call for help part. (I'll make it quick, 'cause I know what you really want to know is WHO WON THE SHOES??)

Is there a reader out there who uses Windows Vista who would be willing to help us test out the new template we're working on?

It could be either a really quick thing ("Yep, looks fine!") or a bit more of a pain if it turns out it's not Vista friendly and we need to make changes and retest.

I imagine we'll test a trial version first, and then after we go live, double check that the real version works too. Not sure exactly when this will all happen, but sometime in the next few days, so if we got more than one volunteer that would be cool so we had some scheduling flexibility.

If you're interested, please either email us at crabbymcslacker @ gmail. com (no spaces) or leave a comment on this post with your email address. Thanks!


Now on the the Shoe Winner!

The winner of the Aetrex shoe giveaway, selected by random number generator is: Rismom16!

Rismom16, please email us by Friday Sept 19th (midnight, EST) to claim your prize. Make sure to include your shoe size, mailing address, and your name (unless your postal carrier can deliver to Rismom16.)

Those of you who are you not Rismom16? So sorry! But we've got more great Friday giveaways coming up.

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[By Merry]

Every time I get a checkup, the doctor enthuses about my cholesterol. (Probably because it's good to say something positive before going on to the lecture about the Importance of Eating Vegetables.)


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But it's interesting that none of them have warned me that my great cholesterol levels have nothing to do with my doing something right in life, and that in another decade I might find the situation changing dramatically.

If you're of the male persuasion, you might want to read this section. If you feel like it.

Any guys reading this might want to skip the next section and go straight to the bottom of this post, at least if you're worried about prostate cancer, since lowering cholesterol levels can lead to lower PSA. (American Urological Association (2008, May 18). Low Cholesterol Leads To Lower PSA, Lower Prostate Cancer Risk, Study Suggests. ) Or unless you feel like reading about women's health which is very nice of you and I personally think you're a really neat guy who should come by more often.

If you're of the female persuasion, you might want to read this section. Just a thought.
If you're of the female persuasion, you've got a lot of estrogen running around in your system. If you're a female who's eaten a lot of saturated fats and is well padded, you've got a whole lot of estrogen running around in your system.

Estrogen affects your cholesterol levels. Even if you're Doing All the Wrong Things re cholesterol, you can still have a fab chol reading on the blood test because of the level of estrogen. Which is all well and good and fine and dandy until you hit this time of life called menopause. Then you're screwed.
(Or you could be.)


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If you've spent 50-some years eating badly, and it hasn't caught up to you yet, it's going to start now. Bad enough you have to deal with hot flashes and all that fun stuff, you'll find your chol level rising up and you'll have to start making some major changes to avoid all the nasty stuff that high cholesterol levels can cause.

Things you can do to improve your cholesterol levels:
- Eat Oatmeal
Dr. James Anderson analyzed 15 years' worth of studies and came to the conclusion that oatmeal was a good deal. "Whole-grain products like oatmeal are among some of the best foods one can eat to improve cholesterol levels, in addition to other lifestyle choices," Anderson said. "Lifestyle choices, such as diet, should be the first line of therapy for most patients with moderate cholesterol risk given the expense, safety concerns, and intolerance related to cholesterol lowering drugs."

- Eat Chocolate
Yes, that is what you read. This study was partially funded by Mars, Inc., which by an amazing coincidence makes the particular (100 calorie) chocolate bars that were used in the study. Yeah, I know. And the research is based on 49 people with "slightly elevated" cholesterol levels. But on the other hand, it seems like common sense that if you faithfully follow the diet they were on (American Heart Association's "Eating Plan for Healthy Americans") then you probably can reduce your cholesterol even if you also eat a couple of 100 calorie chocolate bars a day.

- See a Registered Dietitian
Everybody goes to their doctor if they want help with cholesterol levels. But one study, based on data from 377 patients, indicates that seeing an RD can help. "175 patients who started the study with triglycerides less than 400 milligrams per deciliter of blood (mg/dL), and who had their cholesterol measured before they changed or added medication, 44.6 percent either reduced their levels of "bad" cholesterol by at least 15 percent, or reached their cholesterol goal."

I like it that being Good Cholesterol Woman largely involves eating, which is something that I'm quite good at and have been for years. And I like the idea that I can get a running jump on all the nasty cholesterol possibilities out there, or at least tell them to take a running jump.

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We're going to back-date this, but if you happen to catch it on a feed reader before we delete it: sorry, to disturb you! We're just fucking around to see if "read more" is still hosed.

And Should We Also See If Our Subhead Coding Works?

Why not! Let's try it.

We need a meaningless paragraph of text here, since it's only a test post. Sorry for those of you who actually keep coming here and reading this. Please feel free to go about your regularly scheduled blogging activities. (With any luck this parenthetical should display on summary page above "read more" but also after the jump so you can remember where you left off... so, are we feeling lucky?)

So sorry this post remains up here long after we promised to take it down. If you're extra bored, be sure to say something extra silly, as befits a garbage post put in just to find out if blogger is still screwing with our code.

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[By Crabby]
This is not about financial "bargains," although I'm sure you readers have some awesome suggestions for fitness activities and/or gear that could save us a lot of cash. A future post perhaps?

No, this time by "bargain," I mean: Ways To Get Better Fitness Results for The Same Effort. Or, how to get the Same Results Quicker, or With Somewhat Less Misery. Whatever.

We all look for those "bargains," right? Because unless you love every aspect of working out and have unlimited time, there's usually a trade-off. You don't typically get something for nothing.

In fact, there's kind of a math to it:

(Photo: A.A.)

Eeeek, math!!!

Actually, no need to panic, not that much math. In fact the formula is quite simple:

Results = (Time Spent Exercising) x (Intensity); where Intensity=Miserableness.

At least that's how that generally works for me. I get better results if I exercise longer or exercise harder; the more I loaf and slack and leave early, the less muscle I build, the less endurance I have, and the fewer calories I burn.

But then there are weird exceptions to the normal math! Sometimes (Miserable) + (Miserable) = 1.5(Miserable); not 2(Miserable), as you'd expect.

Exploiting these mathematical anomalies is often the key to a fitness bargain.

(Note: And speaking of equations that don't add up: check out how sometimes 0+0=2 at The Hungry Little Caterpillar. A great reminder for overly optimistic Weight Watchers).

What? You Call That a Bargain??!!

(Photo: Zabowski)

Ever go to a place like Costco and bring home four gallons of extra virgin olive oil for the price you'd normally pay for 1 gallon? You feel so clever and thrifty until you remember that you can't get through more than one gallon anyway before the stuff goes rancid. Whoops!

Likewise with with fitness bargains. Some tips that sound great in theory will suck when you actually try them out. They might get you in shape faster, but if they turn your workout from a pleasant or only mildly dreary experience into absolute torture, then these bargains aren't worth it.

This means that you need to hear about a lot of tricks and find out which ones work for you.

And since I only have a few that reliably work for me, and long-time readers have heard all these already... I'm hoping some of our clever and knowledgeable commenters will add theirs below!

Especially since I'm going to concentrate on tips that begin with the letter C, for absolutely no reason at all except that the first couple did and I thought I'd make it a thing.

Oh Boy, It's a "C" Thing.
(photo: cobalt123)

And again, these are some of my favorites--can't wait to hear yours.


1. Combined Stretches

Does anyone else invent their own stretches that combine a couple of things at once? I know yoga people do combinations, but theirs are elegant and tend to take a long time. Mine are home-made and doofy-looking and quick.

Here's just one example: the stairway/doorway shoulder and calf stretch. Note: doesn't work if you live in one story house or don't have a doorway at the top or bottom of the stairs.

Position yourself on the top or bottom step of your stairway, facing upstairs. Put out your arms and grab the doorway on each side and lean forward, so you're stretching your shoulders. Meanwhile, scooch your feet back a little so that you can lower your heels off the step and stretch your calves at the same time. WARNING: if you're doing this at the top, don't go scooch back too far or you'll tumble backwards down the entire flight of stairs and break your neck and this time-saver will be no bargain at all!


2. Caffeine & Cool Tunes

I talk about these all the time so I won't belabor it. But the pounding beat of a favorite song and good solid caffeine buzz really does give me more energy and I can go longer and harder and get more done for the same amount of subjective effort.


3. Circuit Training "Lite"

The standard version, wherein you proceed through a strength training workout fast enough to keep your heart rate in the aerobic zone throughout, is a classic, time-honored Workout Bargain. You get your cardio and your strength training all at the same time!

Slight problem: I loathe circuit training.

It is too much Miserableness all at once; thus, for me, no bargain.

However, back when I was lucky enough to have a home gym in the basement, I discovered I could do a little informal combining and I came up with a routine that saved some time but that I didn't hate.

This is taken pretty much verbatim from an older post, but we all know that recycling is good for the environment, right?

It's Good to be Green!

Here's how you do Circuit Training Lite:

At some point in your cardio workout, get off your treadmill/bike/elliptical/whatever, but keep it running if it's motorized, and give yourself full credit for any time you're away from it. Since you're still going to be keeping your heart rate up, you get to count this time as though you were still doing cardio. Rush off and do a set of some strength-training exercise in a quick but not too half-assed manner, then hustle back to the machine again. Slog some more. Wait until you get totally bored with the cardio again, then jump off the machine and do a different strength training exercise.

It's two-for-one! (But, alas, this only works in a home gym or fairly deserted fitness facility. Abandoning your treadmill at a busy gym is NOT recommended).


4. Cutting Out Multiple Sets

One set of really heavy weights seems, for me, to do about 80-90% of the job that 3 sets does. So most of the time, I just do one. I save multiple sets for one exercise at a time, when I'm feeling especially motivated, but otherwise: screw it.


5. Chores

If you have a partner, particularly a male or stronger partner, it can be very tempting to delegate the "heavy" stuff that involves lifting or mowing or digging or schlepping to your mate. Or pay some cute yard dude to do it. But if you're lucky enough to have the time, how 'bout doing more of it yourself and giving yourself get exercise "credit" in a non-exercise context? If it's hard and physical, it counts!!!

Note: this is one of those tips I believe in but rarely do myself. I hate chores.


6. Commuting

Like doing chores, walking or biking to work (or on errands) is an efficient way to get exercise while actually getting something accomplished. Duh, right? Yet so few people who could walk or bike to work actually do. What's up with that? Some places are obviously too impractical, but I'm often amazed at what a minuscule number of Americans even think about leaving their cars at home. Then after work they drive to the gym so they can walk on a treadmill for an hour.


7. Cardio Intervals

Another great bargain--you can do incredible things for your body in less than twenty minutes. Downside: it's hard and that blows. But as many of you know, it doesn't have to be totally gruesome. There's a better way!

Think these are lame? Help me out with some better suggestions!

If we get a few good ones in the comments, I'll update this post later in the week and include a link to your blog or website, if you've got one.

UPDATE--Great Reader Suggestions!

Wow, some really helpful suggestions in the comments! Here are some, condensed and combined, but I can see now I may not get to them all. Better, fuller explanations are available down in the comments.

Theresa suggests doing push ups against the countertop while waiting for the tea to boil.

Tokaiangel is all about Running Up the Stairs.

KatieP suggests contracting ALL your muscles while doing strength training exercises, and standing on wobbly things to make it even harder.

Always the practical ones, Mary Anne in Kentucky and the Bag Lady suggest choosing strenuous occupations of the sort where you get a workout whether you want one or not.

Combining Exercises is a great idea! Jenn suggests squats with military presses or lunges with bicep curls.

Our very own Merry sensibly advises that you enlist a friendly canine as a workout partner, and Terrie Farley Moran suggests that Grandchildren also work well.

Circuit training is popular among those more energetic than the Crab. The Lethological Gourmet even has an Olympic Boot Camp circuit workout for you to try. And Mrs. Jelly Belly has an enthusiastic (and amusing) circuit training recommendation if you can track down the DVD by "Sunshine"-- it sounds great.

Geosomin does lunges in the lab, and takes the stairs two at a time instead of waiting for elevators. And another fan of gratuitous stair climbing is nolafwug, who thinks multi-tasking is overrated.

Liz Rosenbaum suggests squats while brushing your teeth. Similarly Sagan does calf raises while brushing her teeth, and jumping jacks/pushups while waiting for food to cook. And NewMe does calf raises while cooking and doing dishes.

Monica fixes her bike and gets exercise at the same time.

Grounded Fitness was too high on crack to offer specific exercise suggestions, but those yoga/pilates people seem to have the combining thing down pretty well already.

Katieo is trying to run faster, which is much more efficient if you can stand all the huffing and puffing! Likewise Mizfit, who often claims to be a cardio slacker, is nothing of the sort, as she combines regular cardio with HIIT.

Alexia shares a sincere appreciation of caffeine with the Crab.

POD suggests a pedometer and walking all over the place, as well as counter-top stretches.

Deb suggest something called a "Scuper-Scet" which sounds really freakin' hard like quite a workout. The full explanation is below, but it involves combining stable weight training exercises with a similar unstable ones until you're ready to die done.

Dragonmamma makes a great point about isolation exercises being inferior to exercises that work multiple muscles at once.

And the always creative Workout Mommy suggests "Child curls." (Just like bicep curls, but with a baby!).

Be sure to check the comments for more great fitness bargains as they come in!

Read more...

[By Crabby]




Cool, huh? These awesome Aetrex High Performance running shoes are up for grabs! Check 'em out!

By now, you know the drill. Details on why the shoes are so nifty and how you can win a pair can be found below, so Giveaway Skimmers, feel free to skip down.

However, those who are not U.S. residents, who are not wearers of women's lavender running shoes, or who actually come to the blog to read the ramblings of a Confused Crab--have a seat! Kick off whatever shoes you may be wearing, and join us while we discuss the shocking subject of:

Inappropriate Sneaker Love! (Also known as Kedophilia?)

I have to confess to a bad case myself. I love athletic shoes! Hiking shoes, cross trainers, even soccer cleats--but mostly running shoes. In particular, trail runners. I wear them all over the place, like a perpetual kid.

In fact my closet is full of them, help!

And it's not like I buy that many, either, it's just that I grow so attached to them all that I can't throw them away. Even when they have holes in them and no practically no tread left. When I can't wear them to run I wear them to walk; when I can't wear them to walk I wear them to do mucky chores, and when I have too many "yard shoes" I still hang onto them, God knows why.

Perhaps it's a related to my other shoe disorder: dress-shoe-a-phobia. High heels are particularly feared, but anything firm and tight and pointed and shiny is to be avoided unless there's a funeral or something.

No Thanks!

I was like that as a kid, too. I hated "school" shoes (I believe they were saddle shoes, back then). But my sneakers? Couldn't get me out of them. My Mom would try to throw them away when they were full of holes, but I'd dig them back out of the garbage again.

(They looked a lot like these except totally trashed).

Anyone else have this problem? Please tell me I'm not the only one!

So enough about Crabby's old shoes and the wonderfulness of athletic shoes generally. Let's talk about the Aetrex shoes and how you can win 'em!

About the Shoes:
These babies are the Aetrex z591 Web Runner for women. (I think the "web" they're referring to is probably not the World Wide Web; it must have to do with the webbing on the shoe. But heck, feel free to use them for virtual internet running activities if that's your thing). The shoes come in medium width; sizes 5-12.

To quote a knowledgable source, they've got: "supportive cushioning for medium and high arch feet, Aeromax mesh upper with Web Fushion Technology, Sky midsole for soft, long-lasting cushioning, Web Suspension Footbridge for reinforcement and support and PRS Midsole Technology for pressure relief. "

The Aetrex folks have been around forever, and have been well-known for their very fine orthopedic shoes and orthotics, but now they've apparently decided to take that technological know-how and stuff some of it into a new line of high performance running shoes. They also got something called "iStep," which is a "digital foot analysis device" found at various retailers, which can measure and analyze your feet and their issues and give you a"blueprint" suitable for framing, or perhaps more pragmatically, for fitting you with customized insoles.

To Enter the Drawing for the Aetrex Shoes:
Just leave a comment! Alas, the shoes can only be sent to U.S. residents, which is always heartbreaking, since we love our international readers.

A Random Number Generator will choose the winner Tuesday night, Sept 16th; winner announced Wednesday, Sept 17th. If you win, please email to claim your prize by Friday Sept 19th.

And have a great weekend!

Read more...

[By Merry]

I've been thinking. We need more recipes thrown onto the blog once in awhile. That stuffed peppers one has been really getting a lot of attention. (I'll have to go back and check -- did Crabby advocate stuffing in some illegal herbage into those peppers or is there some other reason it's so incredibly popular?)

It occurred to me that another post might be welcome if it were centered around recipes for... wait for it...

SQUASH!

Zukes are cute? Who knew!

Anybody who's got a garden and been foolish enough to plant one little wimpy-looking squash plant is now up to their uvula in squash plants. (Oh come now. That's a perfectly decent word. Honest.It's not the poor word's fault that it looks funny.)

Sneak Your Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night was celebrated a couple of weeks ago. (Note: the womanagement at Cranky Fitness wish to stress that they in no way encourage the Zucchini sneaking methods listed at Allrecipes.com -- but only because we don't want anyone to complain about us. They do sound fun.)

If you missed that, you might be in the mood for some ideas. I mean, these guys are healthy, they can be served in a tasty and tasteful manner, but even so... after a few back-to-back meals of these vegetables, you'll come to fully appreciate why they're named Squash.

Peasant women perform the annual Stomping of the Squash.
Coincidentally, peasant women rarely spend large amounts of cash on therapy.

- Cook squash with tomatoes, freeze for later on. Come November, it's dark out and rainy and you forgot to got to the store, serve this with some pasta and you'll feel virtuous.

Squash sauteed with tomatoes and basil; seasoned with garlic and rosemary; and finished with balsamic vinegar

- Make squash fritters with beer. I read somewhere -- can't remember the cook book -- that you should let the beer stay out until it goes flat for best results. Of course, this presumes you live in a household where you have beer around and more importantly where you can leave a half-empty can of beer out to go stale without someone drinking it or throwing it away (or both, hopefully in that order). There are various recipes out there for this; it makes a tasty treat. Not as healthy as some recipes, but it beats the hell out of deep fried twinkies. Really, doesn't taste bad.

- squash-with-basil soup. Can be served cold, which makes it nice on hot days. We still have a few of those left, don't we?

- squash cake. The nice thing about this type of thing is that you can grate the zucchini, freeze it for a couple months, and then whip up a healthy-but-the-kid's-eat-it-anyway cake. (I always feel more motivated to bake on cold Saturday mornings when the weather is horrible outside. Which it will be in a couple of months, I have a feeling.)

Anyone for the last piece?

- stuffed zucchinis! Why should peppers have all the fun? Hell, you can scoop out the squashy insides and use the shells for salad bowls or Mai Tai drink holders.

Carrots, celery, crumbled veggie burgers, squash, and spices in a baked butternut squash shell

- save them for a month or so and make... Carved Zucchinis!

Why should the pumpkins have all the fun?

And the fun doesn't stop there!

Start a new tradition: Hannukah Squash! They make highly original gifts.
Give Aunt Marge a gift she'll talk about for years.

Or not talk at all for years...

(Incidentally, I do love the word "Hannukah." I swear you can spell it several different ways and they're all correct. The people who thought up "obsolescence" and "chrysanthemum" should take note.)


What do you do with excess vegetables? Got any good squash recipes/gift ideas?

Read more...

[By Crabby]

(There are some here if you want one.)

Anyone happen to catch this Boston Globe article on fitness equipment for children?

Yep, that's right, there's a company that now makes treadmills and elliptical trainers for children as young as three.

What do you think?

When I read the article, I had mixed feelings.
My First Reaction: Aaaaahhhhkkkk!

Truly, I saw the headline and thought: What a f*cked up world we live in. What happened to the notion of "play?" Exercise is not supposed to miserable until you're an adult, damn it!

(Warning: Grumpy Old Fogey Alert)

I know kids are getting fat. And I know they need more activity. But not this way! What happened to playgrounds and front lawns and freeze tag and kickball and stupid dangerous made-up games involving jumping off of things and tackling each other?

I'd never trade the bruises, gashes, scrapes and stitches I got as a kid for hours spent in front of a tv, computer, or video game console, broken up by "structured" exercise sessions on a piece of equipment.



I'm not a parent, so I have no idea of how the transformation happened by which kids have been declared too fragile to "go out and play" like we did. I know you all think the world is much more dangerous now. Maybe it is. But I think it's more our thinking that's changed.

Here's the thing: Forty years ago, we still had traffic, pedophiles, rusty nails, drugs, bullies, broken glass, rattlesnakes, and even serial killers. We just assumed all the bad things happened to other people, and usually it did. Mom said "go out and play" and we did. We played kickball in the street until someone yelled "Car!!!!" We climbed trees and water towers and roofs where we didn't belong. We ran around not because we had to, but because we wanted to.

I know not every neighborhood is safe enough for kids to go out and play in. Yet doesn't it almost seem like the safer the neighborhood, the less likely you are to see kids playing in it? 'Cause they're all inside, or they've been rounded up and shipped off for officially sanctioned activities.

We probably had a lot more accidents and injuries forty years ago. Because, hey, every now and then it was your turn to jump off the top of a ladder with a grocery bag for a parachute.

But today the young 'uns are all completely safe and supervised. And a good percentage of them are fat and are going to die early of heart disease and diabetes or liver problems. Unless they get on a ridiculous little kiddie treadmill or hire a personal trainer or wear a pedometer? Yikes.

Sigh. The world's goin' to hell in a handbasket.

(This Concludes the Old Fogey Rant; you may now safely resume your regular blog reading activities).


My Second Reaction: Well, OK, Maybe in Some Cases...

On further reflection, and after a more careful reading of the article, I realized that there might be some times when having a kiddie treadmill or elliptical would make some sense.

If you're a busy mom, and the kids are watching everything you do and wanting to join you in your workout? Well, that might be a cool! And having their own little junior version might help keep them off your equipment, which could be an expensive/dangerous proposition.

After all, we buy kids junior versions of cars and vacuum cleaners and ovens and garden tools. As I recall, imitating adults can feel like "play" when you're a kid, even though the actual activities might be "work" for the adults themselves.

So if you're buying a kiddie treadmill or elliptical as a "toy" that your kid will enjoy, and you can "play" together, that seems pretty reasonable.

(But how "fun" is a treadmill gonna be for a kid after the first few minutes? Just wondering.)

So enough of the Crab and her grumpy-ass opinions. What do you all think?

Read more...

[By Crabby]





First off, my apologies for a reduced web presence this week--yet again I am away from home, as I had a chance to join the Lobster on a business trip to New York. I love Manhattan! If anyone spies a confused crab jogging slowly around the reservoir at Central Park or standing in line for cupcakes at Magnolia Bakery, be sure to say hi!

So on to the contest...

Oh my goodness, what a great bunch of entries to choose from!!! The fact that so many of you who don't even eat this kind of stuff composed so many wonderful odes to snacking and desserts made me feel so proud and impressed. What clever readers we have here! Blogging is so much fun when everyone else does the work.

So after I announce the winners, I'll reprint all the poem/haiku entries. I know some readers don't always make it down into the comments, and I didn't want anyone to miss these. And if you see one you like and it has a link, you may want to check out that person's blog. (Apologies in advance to any I inadvertently missed or any links I screwed up.)

So first off, the Random Winner is: KB, who also happened to submit a great haiku about Rugelach.

And the two poetry/haiku winners are: Linda of Fat Don't Wrinkle, and whichever of the clever Grounded Fitness gals submitted the haiku advocating legalized frostitution!



Please email CrabbyMcSlacker @ gmail dot com with your mailing addresses to claim your coupons. Or, if you're not personally into portion-controlled reduced-calorie snack food, you can let us know you'd like to send the coupon to someone else. (Either someone whose address you have, or by having us choosing another winner to replace you). Please check in by Friday night so we can send 'em out or pick new winners.


So, here are the Awesome Snack Food Poetry Entries!

(Author name precedes poem)

By Linda:
Ode to snack

My tummy it's a-growlin'
My PMS is howlin'
Should I throw the towel in
And have a tasty snack?

Which one am I pickin'?
The one that's finger-lickin'
Or stashed up in my kitchen?
Oh where's my tasty snack?

I could eat that one that's real
It has much more appeal
I relish it with zeal
Oh dread for fatty snack.

Then again I could choose
The one that should help me lose
But chemicals it could ooze
Oh zounds - the artifical snack.

I don't house artificial
Now let's make this official
I'm gonna eat a fistful
Of "real food" for my snack.

So if it's for chocolate I am dyin'
Or cake I am-a-cryin'
It's much more satisfyin'
To have a real snack.

I put it in my tummy
Knowing that it's yummy
and heading for my hiney
But I gotta have that snack.

Then to the gym I'm goin'
For liftin' and some rowin'
Some cardio - all owin'
To the eating of my snack.


By Christine:
Snack food, low cal, real
The quandary is on your
lips or on your hips

By Chicken Girl
Tasty and nutritious
candy bar
would be nicer
with more nutritious
and slightly less tasty
so as to better
fulfill
ravenous after-work Chicken Girls
without provoking
The Chocolate Monster.
(NOM NOM NOM!)

*plays bongos*


By NewMe:
Junk is junk
Or so I thunk

But if you must
please don't lust

grab the best
take this test

the real thing for me
just one, not three!


By Grounded Fitness:
Faux twinkie, my love
Legalize frostitution
Your cream coats my soul.

Second Entry:

Title: Longing For the Days of When I Could Eat Whatever I Wanted and Never Saw an Ounce of it Appear Anywhere on my Body

Watch weight with cake
Older metabolism
The toybox is closed


By Alyssa:
Doritos, my love
I think of you everyday
Darn your fat content.


By Mrs. Jelly Belly:
The junk food they are hawkin'
Has us fat chicks all a'gawkin'.

Oh! What a great day!
If we could eat this way

And burn it all off by fawkin'.

By POD:
I used to eat wholesome and felt denied.
I'd act self-righteous while secretly I cried.
During chemo, downing Dove Bars, I gained 30 lbs.
Back on Weight Watchers now, I am 10 down.
Daily I search for a happy medium,
Eating 'fake' foods sometimes quells the dieting tedium.

By Amanda:
Oh god, give me cream
And sugar and butter, too
Life is short, eat real.

By Emily:
Once upon a time I was fat,
On my fat ass I always sat.

I loved me some cake,
so that's all I ate,
And then I discovered a 100cal pack.

Now I can fit in my jeans,
(and you all know how much that means.)

I long for a treat,
but healthy I will eat,
as long as the Olestra doesn't cause leakage.

By Melissa:
Ode to the Lite

No doubt ersatz components test the gut;
False colorings wreak havoc in the cells,
And it were best to leave the package shut
And steel oneself against the tempting smells;
Ah, choc’late cake and caramel pecan,
And lemon sponge and carrot cake could be
My comforts sweet while parked on my divan,
And partners to a half-assed gluttony;
These meretricious treats do fool the mind,
For one imagines they’re a harmless “vice,”
And giving little thought to my behind,
I help myself to just another slice.
So disappear all into the abyss,
And here I sit in artificial bliss.


By TK:
Full cal or NO cal
Low cal is less than useless
It means I'll eat TWO!


By Fit Me Pink:
I love cupcakes
I love cake
I love cookies
I love shakes

I love white bread
Yes I do
The problem comes
When it's time to...poo!

Hemorrhoids are my curse in life
So high fiber foods I must bite
But as long as I eat enough good stuff,
I save some room for what I love!


By Therese
Eat a yummy treat
just a hundred calories?
You have weak tastebuds

By Michelle D:
I love candy bars!
So yummy in my tummy..
Nom Nom Nom!!!

By KB:
Rugelach, so small,
so real, you are my true friend.
Sorbet, I love you.


By Kristen:
There once was a woman so hinky
She asked herself, "Why a fake Twinkie?"
Cause while they look swank
They taste a bit rank
And may never much help you to shrinkie!


By Debby
Its Gotta Be Worthy

I love me some cake
I love me some cream.
High fructose corn syrup, you say?
Get out of the way---
That's the stuff of my dream.

High fat, low fat,
Real or fake,
I don't really care
When it comes to cake.

But its gotta be worthy,
its gotta taste good.
Three points or less
is preferred, if you would.


By Landry's Mom:
I think that I shall never see
successful sweet treat fakery,
Indeed, until my taste buds stall,
I'll not for faux treaties fall.


By Nolafwug:
An ode to my secret love

Oh 100 calorie bag of popcorn,
You are just right
When I want a crunchy, salty snack day or night

With some seasoning sprinkled on liberally
You fill a large bowl so pleasantly
And I crunch away happily

How can they say our love is wrong?
Why must I hide you in the back
So no one will know how I snack?

Oh the shame!
You are reduced fat
You are a hundred calorie pack!

By BlueYellowBlue:
I have lost 115 pounds but
no one will be astounded that
I along the way
have said so many nays but
I have had a lot of sweets
but they, of course aren't beat
by vegetables and fruit
because they make you poot!

Twinkies, candy and cheesecake
and anything else I can bake
are just so good, you see
they are natural, like pee!
So I will lost my weight with fat
in my daily diet so that,
I am not deprived of sweets
or the butter that I eat.

By Lucas:
All hail the great Crabby McSlacker
Giving away treats to all of us snackers
But more than ice cream, cookies and cake
It's Crabby herself that I'd rather take
The wit, the humor, the fresh take on living
That Crabby McSlacker just keeps on giving
While frosting and sprinkles certainly are nice
Crabby is my favorite flavor of spice
So keep your chips, your chocolate and candy
I'll take me some Crabby
Cuz she is just dandy!!!



Aren't these all great??!!! Thanks Everyone who Entered!

Read more...

[By Merry. Not assisted by any strange British film directors. Honest.]

Pretty, pretty... ouch...

Awhile ago, I wrote about not using a regular treadmill in my older house because I was afraid of electrical problems. Many people said that they didn't worry about it. Just plug the electrical appliance in. Whatever.
Me, I'm always "Yeah, but it's old wiring. What if the house burns down?"
Them, "When it happens, then worry about it."
I can't do that. I'm always visualizing the worst possible scenario and trying to decide how I'll handle it if it occurs.

Example: I was being a good Merry and cutting vegetables at the kitchen counter. (Yes Mom, I was using a cutting board.) I dropped a knife and it fell to the floor next to my foot. Instantly, my mind conjures up the scenario: what if it had fallen onto my foot? What if it struck a major vein and I started bleeding all over the place? If it were the left foot I could still drive to the hospital using my right, but what if..." And so on, and on.

Sometimes I enjoy the ride when my imagination starts to wander, but this tendency to extrapolate disaster can also be hard on the body.

Visualizing a negative scenario produces a physiological response in the body. The other day had a whole argument visualized in my head, sprung up from something trivial at the grocery store. The original incident was not at all negative but by the time I had extrapolated to the Most Negative Scenario, it was -- in my mind -- a full flung major dramatic scene. Found myself clenching my teeth and tensing my muscles -- over nothing. And I do mean nothing. I had imagined the whole argument, I knew it was a fictitious experiment in What If, and still my body responded with physical fight-or-flight response.

Most of the time it's just a game I play to pass the time, but I'm not sure I should treat it too lightly. I might end up being negative all the time. I want to try using this force for good, and think of the most Wonderful Case Scenario. What if I bend down to pick up the knife and see a $100 bill lying tucked up in the corner under the kitchen cabinet? What if I then use that money to buy a fancy new outfit, which I'm then wearing the next day when I run across this incredibly gorgeous man who takes me out to lunch... on his yacht...

Well, that sort of thing, anyway.

There are many examples that aren't so... far fetched well, anyway, there are a lot of examples. The What If game is especially popular when used with visualization.

Professional athletes do positive visualization stuff all the time. One example that springs to mind is the diver Greg Louganis refusing to watch a videotape of his hitting his head on the diving board. He didn't want that image in his mind.

It helps other people too. Stroke patients often have difficulty using a regular treadmill. In Britain, a treadmill has been adapted to display moving images to the person using it. The patient views the different images (mountain scenes, forests, cities,) as if they were walking through the virtual landscape. Patients are fooled into thinking they are walking slowly which encourages them to walk faster.

Wendy Powell, a former chiropractor who created this treadmill at the University of Portsmouth, claims "in some cases movement has been improved by 20% and users feel less pain compared to usual methods.... We're effectively fooling the brain and the body."

On the other hand, there are a lot of people who visualize killing someone when they're playing video games (don't see how that is "not a bad thing"). It's not hard to find studies claiming that video games cause anti-social behavior. What makes me curious is that most of these studies focus on the effect of virtual aggression on young 'children and young adults.' I'd be willing to bet that the effects would be similar on older people.

I think What If is useful in a whole lot of scenarios.... trying to improve your running pace, reinforcing the willpower when you're faced with "just one more piece" of tiramisu... lots of good stuff. The Fit Shack ran a post about how What If thinking can affect weight loss.

According to Wikipedia, the word tiramisu translates as "pick-me-up."

But if visualizing something can affect how your body reacts, then I sure as hell don't want to play the What If game when I'm holding a knife.

Yes, I know Hitchcock made a lot of money playing What If...

This week I'm going to try balancing a negative scenario, with a positive one.

If you train your body, why not train your mind as well? What else were you planning to do with it?

Read more...

[By Crabby]


So this post really should be called something more general like "Genetics and Personality," or "Nature vs. Nurture." Or perhaps: "Free Will and Strength of Character? Ha Ha Ha Ha!"

Because this post is not just about two-timing husbands. It's about how so gosh-darned many things about us are turning out to have a genetic basis.


Pair-Bonding for Dummies



But let's start off with the good vs. the not-so-good husbands. Because it turns out they've found a "monogamy gene" that explains a lot of the difference. (And TherapyDoc has a great discussion of it over at Everyone Needs Therapy).

Yep, according to recent research, there are variants of sections of a gene called "RS3 334" that affect how men bond with their partners. They can have none, one or two copies of the RS3 334 section. "Men with two copies of RS3 334 were more likely to be unmarried than men with one or none, and if they were married, they were twice as likely to have a marital crisis."

(There's a lot more interesting stuff in the monogamy gene article, but alas, no instructions on how to obtain secret samples from your husband to see if you got a dude hard-wired for long-term fidelity).


Mommy, How Come You're Beating Your Head Against the Wall Like That?

(Photo found here; original source unknown)

Actually, if you're going to be stealing DNA samples from your hubby, you might want to swipe one from your kids too. At least after you've read this fascinating Newsweek article on genetics and child development.

New research seems to suggest that parents have much less influence than previously thought on how their kids turn out.

An example: in about 30 percent of kids, their DNA coils carry a glitch that leaves their brains with fewer dopamine receptors. What's the problem with that? Well, for one thing, having fewer dopamine receptors is linked to "an inability to avoid self-destructive behavior such as illicit drug use." Also, children with this genetic variant appear to be less able to learn from mistakes. To quote Newsweek, "no matter how many tests they blow by partying the night before, the lesson just doesn't sink in."

Or how about this surprising finding: "children with a sweet temperament, which is under strong genetic control, are the least likely to emulate their parents and absorb the lessons they teach, while fussy kids are the most likely to do so. Fussy children have a hypersensitive nervous system that is keenly attuned to its surroundings—including what Mom and Dad do and say."

Wow. How many parents have been driving themselves crazy trying to raise their kid "perfectly," and it turns out they've got a kid who's just not wired to absorb any of that well-intentioned parenting?



And these are just a couple of example from a couple of recent articles. Almost any psychological disorder or human strength or weakness you can think of seems to have some link to things we can't control: our genes.


So what does this all mean?

I don't know about you, but I have mixed feelings about the implications of this.

On the one hand, when people are lame and frustrating and they disappoint or annoy me, I want to blame them for their stupid/careless/self-centered behavior. I like to judge other people by my own standards: if I wouldn't do it, then others damn well shouldn't either!

Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!

Why should I feel sorry for them when their problems stem from their own clueless behavior? They must not be trying hard enough to be good! Let 'em suffer the consequences! Don't hide behind genetics buddy--you still make the choices.

But if the subject is a personal weakness of mine? Er, well, then I seem to have a different reaction. I am quite happy to discover that this trait is inborn and not my fault. For example, while I don't seem to be wired for aggression or compulsive behavior or dishonesty, I am definitely an anxious, pessimistic type. And hey, anxiety disorders are genetic!

Oh sure, I could suck it up and confront all my worries and fears, but it's harder for me that it is for you. So if I often don't, and instead I cower/sulk/avoid. But you can't really blame me, it's my genes!


Add Personal Responsibility and Stir

Yeah, this is the part where everyone, including me, starts to scream: but wait a minute, genetics aren't everything! Environment isn't either! What about Free Will and Responsibility and Choice?

It has been commonly observed that not everyone with unfortunate genes or a terrible upbringing behaves badly. Nor do folks who have been blessed with calm untroubled temperaments and excellent early home environments necessarily turn out well. However much the game may be rigged, the choices along the way are ours. I do think there's such a thing as "strength of character," and even if that turns out to be mostly genetic too. But it's something we can all learn to improve upon by the exertion of good old fashioned will-power.

We all know what that moment feels like, right? We face a choice between Right and Wrong, and Wrong is easier and more fun and oh so tempting and maybe no one will ever know about it but us. Whether it's as small as skipping a workout, or calling in sick to go to the beach, or as big as an extra-marital affair or picking up a weapon in anger--it's a moment we have the power to decide for ourselves. In that short moment, sometimes only a fraction of a second, we can reclaim our destiny, no matter what plans our genes or environment may have laid out for us.

I think we are "better" people when we do the right thing. And no amount of bad genes or bad environment can entirely take all those moments away from us--even if the luck of the draw may completely change the range of choices we have available.


Tolerance for Other's Limitations: Got Some?

However, in our society (and particularly in the U.S.) we do tend to LOVE the notion of "personal responsibility," especially when it's applied to other people. How do we deal the fact that other people come with entirely different brains, different early childhood experiences, different options?

We don't! We expect everyone to behave the same, regardless of their inborn capacity to do so or the realistic choices available.

One quick example: a study of attitudes toward mental illness recently concluded that while more Americans believe that mental illness has genetic causes than they did 10 years ago, they are no more tolerant of the mentally ill than before.

No Answers Here, This is Just Cranky Fitness!

As I said, I'm confused and hypocritical about what it means that "strength of character" has perhaps only a small part to play in who are are. We are often, as it turns out, a product of our genes, and no doubt our environments.

What do you folks thinks this means? How much of "who you are" are feels like a given, and how much do you get to choose?

Read more...

[By Crabby]



Yes, this is indeed another Friday Giveaway Post--which will have three winners this week. So, Giveaway Skimmers, feel free to skip the Crab's tedious snack food musings and head straight down to the nitty gritty instructions on how to enter at the bottom of the post. Hint: one winner will be random, but creative readers will have extra chances to win this time.

But for those of you who may have opinions about Diet Processed Foods, pro or con--let's talk about this a moment, shall we?

So out in the "real world," (or at least at your local Big Chain Supermarket), there is plenty of evidence that folks want "low cal," "light," "reduced-fat" and "portion-controlled" convenience foods. A weight-conscious consumer who really craves a candy bar, for example, will often appreciate having a 100 calorie option available instead of just a 350 calorie version--even if the "lighter" version is smaller or tastes different from the original.

Most people "out there" seem to think these low-cal treats are a good thing.

In the land of health and fitness bloggers? Eh, not so much.

Few health bloggers will admit to purchasing a Diet Pepsi or a Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich or a bright red can of Pringles Light Non-Fat Potato Chips with New and Improved 50% Less Anal Leakage Olestra.

(Though bloggers primarily focused on weight loss seem to be a bit more accepting of Frankenfoods, as long as they taste decent).

Sure, we should probably all be eating fruit for dessert instead of ice cream, and limiting our snacking to handfuls of healthy nuts and celery and carrots dipped in hummus.

But sometimes you just don't want a healthy whole-food snack! You want something yummy. You may have saved up points or calories or you may be planning to run an extra five miles on the treadmill; whatever. The point is: you're craving refined flour and sugar and fat, not a damn carrot.

(Cartoon by NatalieDee)

So what kind of treat do you pick? Reduced calorie, or regular?

Many folks seem to feel there is something more honorable about choosing to have a miniscule portion of a rich, satisfying, full-fat, gourmet dessert. Or perhaps some sort of deep-fried doughy ethnic thing, just like the kind Grandma from the Old Country used to make. Whereas having a half-dozen reduced fat Oreo cookies? That's frequently frowned upon.

Why is that? Any theories?

I suspect many of us may have a few low-cal or portion-controlled snacks stashed away in our kitchens... Anyone? Anyone?

When I was back in calorie-counting mode, I often used low-cal snacks and desserts, and it really helped me to feel like I could have a "treat" without totally blowing my goals. Now that I don't track so closely, I'm more likely to say "screw it, I'll have a big fat bakery cupcake with who knows how many calories" instead, but I can't really argue that this is a more sensible, honorable choice.

To me the key is: do you enjoy that low-cal treat enough that it satisfies your craving? If so, I think having low cal versions of junky foods as a treat is a fine idea! But I'd be curious to hear what the rest of you think.

So Anyway, On to the Giveaway...

As you may have gathered, the fine folks at Weight Watchers are offering up some of their tasty looking snack foods and desserts! ( Workout Mommy says, of their faux Twinkies: "sinfully delicious!" And she also has some to give away, so make sure to head on over to her site too.)

Anyway, three winners will each get a coupon good for "a full box of any item in the Weight Watchers' snack food category." Alas, I'm told that these products are not available internationally and so yet again, this giveaway is just for U.S. residents, dang it.

One of the winners will be chosen randomly--all you have to do is leave a comment. (And if you don't want the coupon because you would rather snack on alfalfa sprouts instead, don't fear commenting--should you win, we can always send it to someone else instead).

The other two winners will be chosen for writing the two best poems having anything to do with snack food, desserts, dieting, or treats! Here at Cranky Fitness, we love reader poetry, it makes reading the comments extra fun! (Haiku is good too). (And if you enter with a poem, you're also included for the random drawing too. So you have three times the chance to win!)

Entry deadline: Midnight EST, Tuesday September 9th. Winners announced Wednesday, Sept 10th; claim your prizes by emailing us before midnight, EST Sept 11.

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[By Merry]

Dear Cranky Fitness,

Now that I've finally gotten the little rug rats back in school, I thought I'd have time to exercise. (For some reason, chasing after them all summer didn't do anything for my aerobic conditioning.) But somehow in addition to working all day, I've gotten locked into the job of unpaid chauffeuse: to school, from school, soccer practice for Becky and football training for Ezekiel, everyone's going to different schools at different times, and there's no time for me to get some exercise. Would my kids disown me if I joined in their after-school programs? At this rate I'm going to need something larger than just a mini-van.

Signed,
Ever-Expanding Mom

Dear E-E M,

We hear your pain. Don't have to deal with rug rats ourselves, but it sure does sound problematic.

However, having gone through a few biology classes, it is possible to deduce that there might be another parent around who could help ferry the little ones to their after-school activities. Can you trade off? Failing that, are there other expanding moms who would be willing to create a carpool? Yes, of course you want to be there to watch the practice, but is it so very selfish to also want a little time for your own workout? I think not. If it takes a village to raise a child, why shouldn't it take a carpool to deal with soccer practice?


Dear Cranky Fitness,

Help! I'm at my wits' end. I know this question doesn't have much to do with fitness, but mental health is important too, and I'm about ready to lose it. My eldest boy is just hitting the teenage years, and he's a slob. His bedroom could be certified as a danger to public health by any sane health inspector. Nothing I do seems to make an impression, short of going in there and cleaning it myself. I'm not sure I can survive until he leaves for college. What can I do?

signed,
Mom in Chaos

Dear M.i.C.,

Invite girls over. - Merry
Oh right, like that's not going to cause other problems. - Crabby.
What? She isn't asking about other problems. Maybe having to chase girls away from the house will make her appreciate a son who has questionable home decorating skills. - Merry
Are you trying to get us sued? - Crabby

[ahem]
Dear M.i.C., our advice is that you try bribery bartering. For every square foot of floor that you can see in his room, he gets to spend one hour using his computer. Put a basketball hoop above the laundry basket and encourage him to dunk his laundry. Any science projects (strange fungi growing in coffee cups, etc.) must have written authorization by a biology teacher or he can't borrow the car on Saturday night.


Does anyone have any questions to which we might be able to give helpful insightful um... original answers? Or is there someone out there who's had to deal with problems like these and has good, helpful, or at least more plausible answers to give?

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[By Crabby]

(Photo: zizzybaloobah)

Here at Cranky Fitness, we get all kinds of readers. Readers who are large-sized and unhappy about it; readers who are a healthy weight but are trying hard to fit into their skinny jeans; readers who are whatever size they want to be and don't worry about their weight; readers who are big and voluptuous and totally content with that; readers who don't give a crap about weight loss one way or another and are just waiting for the next cat video or Natalie Dee cartoon.

So we are aware that not everyone who reads this post will have a Big Fat Ass. (You may, instead, have to contemplate embracing your Freakishly Freckled Skin, your Deeply Engraved Crows Feet, your Skinny Little Chicken Legs, your Frizzy-Ass Hair, your Pendulous Drooping Tits, or whatever other Perceived Personal Flaw you might bemoan).

But especially for those of you who do have Big Fat Asses and are not happy about it, we've got a special interview today with author Janette Barber, who is the co-author (along with Laura Banks) of: Embracing Your Big Fat Ass.




(And wait 'til you read Janette's bio at the end of the post--this woman has done everything, including winning six Emmy awards!)


Crabby: So what's with the "embracing" idea? Doesn't society insist that women with big fat asses devote every minute of their lives to eliminating their excess buttage?

Janette: The thing is, fat is still the one area where people can utterly revile you – so anyone who possibly can lose it would. People make fun of us, it’s harder to get jobs and we tend to hate ourselves. The truth is women with fat asses are already doing the best they can. We go from diet to diet thinking not of our health but how we can fit society’s visual ideal. There is a 50 billion dollar a year diet industry in the US that hawks every imaginable drug and product to make people lose weight with the message: You are NOT all right as you are. And the result of all of this is that American’s are getting fatter and fatter. Obviously, devoting every minute of their lives to losing the buttage isn’t working.

In Embracing Your Big Fat Ass, we say that self hatred is more fattening than fudge.

I have had weight issues all my life. (I weighed 115 lbs at age seven; 200 lbs at age twelve; 250 lbs at fourteen; and finally 275 lbs in my early twenties.) Hating myself never made me any thinner and never helped me to stick on an eating program. Learning to accept myself and even accept the fat – did.

I believe in eating as healthy a diet as I can and exercising as much as I can flog myself into doing – but I think when you change from self loathing to self love, when you see all of yourself instead of just a number on a scale, when you embrace yourself – good parts and flaws – you are then in a position where you can make changes.

How does one know if one has a Big Fat Ass?

Big Fat Ass is really a state of mind. You can be talking 5 pounds, 10 pounds, 20 pounds or a bubblebutt and you self qualify. If you loathe yourself and think you don’t deserve happiness because you don’t fit Hollywood’s standard of Kate Moss beauty then you fit the bill.

Our book is really about self esteem and empowerment.

Does it help me to hate myself for being fat? Does it make me thinner? No. Actually it makes me fatter!

We also have a useful quiz in our book entitled “How Big is Your Fat Ass?”

It goes like this:

Do you:

1. Knock over freestanding displays in stores?
2. Often lose things in your pants?
3. Wear long shirts over everything you own including evening gowns?
4. Hate the idea of a rearview mirror even if it’s just in the car?
5. Refuse to date a skinny ass man, convinced you’ll look bigger in comparison?
6. Refuse to date a skinny ass man, convinced you might sit on him and kill him?

Score. Count your number of yeses

1-3 Your ass isn’t that big yet, but don’t worry, it will be.

3-5 Definitely a fat ass but still fits through turnstiles.

Over 5 Enjoy it, wiggle it, let it flap in the wind. You have a Big Fat Ass.

The point here is – go ahead and laugh about it. Our book uses humor to tackle a serious topic. And laughter definitely lightens the load and helps you to loosen up enough to see yourself through less jaundiced eyes.

I think it also helps to tell the truth and end the shame. On my blog I do a naked blog and I recently did one where I showed off my GIANT new underwear. A lot of people wrote in about how funny it was but also about how brave they think I am for doing it. But to me…if my underwear is a size 10 and 3 times the size of my boyfriend’s underwear – come on…that’s funny! I’m the same person when my underwear are size 8 as I am when they are 10. Today I weigh 171.2. People are ashamed to admit their weight. It makes me feel freer. I’m 54. I’m supposed to lie and say I’m younger. But why would I do that? That implies that there is something wrong with being 54. I am what I am. When you get there that’s a lot of freedom.

What are some of the biggest obstacles women typically face when attempting to Embrace their BFA's?

Believing other people and buying into the media image that anything above a size 4 is fat. It’s not always easy to think for yourself instead of going along with the pack. Our friends, family and media tell us we can’t love ourselves as we are. They tell us that we have to change and conform. I believe if you CAN’T love yourself as you are then you’re far less likely to be able to change.

The hardest thing is to let go of other peoples’ opinions and pay attention to your own. You are the one with the most power in your life – but many of us keep wanting to give that power away to other people.

How do you feel you fit in with the "Fat Acceptance" movement. Part of it? Coming from a different place?

I think we are part of it but we are ultimately talking more about self acceptance on all levels. We don’t say in our book that you should try to get fatter. We don’t say you shouldn’t lose weight if you want to. What we are saying ultimately is that how you feel about yourself, regardless of anything else, will have the biggest affect on your happiness. Love yourself and you will empower yourself to do anything you want.

I do think the fat acceptance movement is important. It’s very hard to go it alone on this. When you are overweight and buying into society’s views it’s hard to be strong. The fat acceptance movement gives people hope that there can be somewhere where they can feel good and belong.

We are starting our own B-FAB Society. This is really based very much on the Chubb Club that we did years ago on Rosie except this isn’t about losing weight. We are encouraging B-FABs to join our social network on our website and also to bond with other B-FABs in meetings where instead of focusing on what’s wrong – you get a chance to celebrate yourself and each other. Sometimes what you can’t do alone you can do with the strength of others.

Here at Cranky Fitness we love the word "ass." We stick it in sentences where it doesn't even belong, just because we like it so much. However, we're aware not everyone shares our enthusiasm. Have you run into any problems publicizing your book because of its title?

Yes we have. The world has become very PC and apparently "ass" is seen as a bad word. Although the FCC will let you say "ass" on TV. (I think they say it at least once in every Two and a Half Men!), not all media outlets will take that risk in a PC world where they want to offend no one. We were turned down for the Today show because of the title. We were turned down for First for Women Magazine (where I wrote a column for a year) because they were afraid their readers would be upset by the word. Several times on radio I’ve had to say Embracing Your Big Fat Assterisk instead of the actual title.

But we stick by our title. We wanted a title that would hit hard – because this issue hits us hard. "Us" being all B-FABs (Beautiful Fat Ass Babes).

I think it’s a sad state of affairs for freedom of speech in America.

How about the concept behind the book itself, have you had any negative reactions? Either to the self-acceptance messages, or to the blatant acknowledgment that many women actually do have Big Fat Asses?

We’re having an extraordinarily positive reaction. For many readers it seems to be a relief to actually be able to acknowledge it and even entertain the idea that a BFA doesn’t make them less than.

I had an email from a woman who has lost 100 pounds but is obsessed on a daily basis with her weight write me that, for the first time in years, after reading the book, has been able to actually stop thinking about it and feel better about herself.

I had an email from someone telling me they love the book – they love the humor but that reading it she realized she didn’t have a big fat ass. She did however, she said, realize she has an eating disorder. She is anorexic -- but loves the book because it’s really about self esteem and self acceptance.

I’ve had emails from young women, breaking my heart, saying that they hadn’t thought self-acceptance was even an option.

It is.


It's been reported you've been great friends with Rosie O'Donnell for like, ever. Any gossip you can share?

Yes I’ve known Rosie for 21 years now. We were both stand up comics on the road – I met her exactly one month before she became a VJ on VH1. She had moved from LA back to NY and we became friends. I didn’t have a mother and neither did she and besides we just clicked.

Rosie wrote the forward to our book and told a great story about how when she was a kid she always thought she was so fat. Then one day on the old Rosie show she brought in a picture of her and her best friend going to the prom – she saw and realized that when she thought she was so fat, she was actually thin. We’ve had a lot of interesting conversations on this because – it’s just like BFA being as state of mind. It doesn’t actually matter what you look like. It really matters what you think you look like.

Rosie has always been a role model to me in the self acceptance. She doesn’t wear Spanx and obsess about her looks. She acknowledges her weight but doesn’t define herself by it.

What's next? Are you working on other interesting projects?

Right now I’m co-writer on a Broadway bound musical called Cassandra’s Angel. (John McDaniel the band leader from the Rosie show is doing the music.) We’ll workshop that next month.

I’m also known for cooking – I had a show on the TV Food Network called Lighten Up. My signature is that I take fattening dishes that we B-FABs (Beautiful Fat Ass Babes) crave and make them over to be lighter and healthier and less fattening while still having satisfying taste and texture. My thinking behind it is that when you’re overweight people always say – if you’re hungry have a carrot. My reply was – if I wanted a carrot I wouldn’t be fat in the first place!

I am currently in development with ElmLife on creating a web-based, interactive, artificially intelligent software guide. An animated version of me will host the guide and interact with users to help them develop better, healthier eating habits.

In September I will be a spokesperson for EyeCare America supporting eye health nutritionally.

With all your accomplishments, what are you most proud of?

I am very proud that through perseverance and self acceptance I have lost over a hundred pounds and kept it off for decades. (Less than 1% of people who lose that much weight maintain the loss.)

The other thing I’m most proud of is that, as a volunteer, I’ve participated in three humanitarian disaster relief airlifts to war torn countries. I produced pieces that we aired on the Rosie O’Donnell Show and we raised well into 6 figures for continued efforts. I am now on the board of directors of The Bridge Foundation – an international disaster relief agency.

I’m proud that I beat the odds. I grew up as a fat, isolated and abused child – came into a competitive field with no connections or knowledge and have been able to build a successful career. I do a motivational speech called Life Lessons where I share what I did that worked.

Thank you so much, Janette!



Bio: Janette Barber is the former 5 time Emmy Award winning supervising producer of The Rosie O’Donnell Show. She just received her 6th Emmy for her work as Hot Topics Writer on ABC’s The View. Janette produced and co-hosted her own show, Lighten Up, on the TV Food Network which featured ways to turn fattening favorites into healthier alternatives. Janette is the co-author of a best selling book, Breaking the Rules, Last Ditch Tactics for Landing the Man of Your Dreams (Career Press). Her newest book, also co-authored with Laura Banks, is Embracing Your Big Fat Ass (Atria).

And be sure to check out her book and her blog!

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[By Crabby]

And the winner of the Surfer Workout DVD is...

Alice!

(She totally predicted she was going to win, too. How's that for positive thinking?)

Please email us at crabbymcslacker @ gmail dot com with your mailing address.

And thanks, dudes, for all the awesome comments.

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[By Merry]

[I do enjoy XKCD.com]

So apparently it's September and everything's changed. It's all back-to-school, no more surf, sun and sand. Hardly got a summer, and now I'm supposed to start thinking cold weather and sunless days? I think not.

End of summer? No more fun?

I would like to protest, but I'm not sure where to direct the letter.

I had plans for this weekend. I had a To Do list two pages long. Last I checked, I'd done about four of the things on that list.

A really big schedule is overwhelming...

That's the trouble with planning: it's fine to write it all down, but then you actually have to go out and DO the things on the list. And they're usually dull, tedious, and not what I want to do.

What I should've done was put together a Realistic To Do list. Something like this:

Saturday:
6 am: Slap that alarm clock upside the head
7 am: More snooze alarm time
8:30am to 10:30 am: Lounge about in my pajamas. Read the paper, drink the coffee, pet the dog.
10:30 am: Make a list of all the things I'm supposed to get done today
10:45 am: Tear up the list and go visit the hammock out in the back yard
11:30am to whenever: Lounge. Idle. Daydream. Pet the dog. Have a bit more coffee.

etc., etc., etc.

I do not function well when it comes to plans. They're like diet or exercise diaries; writing stuff down is a pain.

PicktheBrain.com has a post on how to deal with To Do lists: How to Use a Day Plan Without Wanting to Stab Your Eyes Out. I like the part where he points out that it's a plan, not a binding contract. You get done what you can get done (given the fact that there's always going to be something coming up you didn't plan for), and you don't stress about what you can't get done.

Now that's what I call a plan.

Are you ready for the end of summer? Prepared for the beginning of fall and all those falling leaves/temperatures?

Please do not proceed to leave a comment if you've done all the kids' back-to-school shopping and put all your white shoes in winter storage and alphabetized all the lunchbox menus and color-coordinated your significant other's socks and organized your spice rack according to height, and... oh, you get the picture. It's okay to be organized, but we don't want any perfection around these parts, bub.

Follow-up on the 7 Types of Nice post last week: I ran across a brilliant example of the sub-category known as 'Southern-Fried Nice.' John Puccio, reviewing a movie, said of it that "You get your money's worth.... Its two hours seem like ten."

Reminder: tonight at Midnight (EST) is the deadline to enter the Surfer DVD giveaway. Leave a comment and you're entered to win. Then you can virtually surf all winter!

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[By Crabby]



So I'm still not quite back from blog vacation (blacation?) yet. Sorry about that!

Hope you too, are able to go outside and play this (U.S.) Labor Day, or if not, that you're at least somewhere safe and comfortable and not in the path of a hurricane.

For those of you find yourself stuck behind a computer screen... here's something in lieu of a regular blog post. Since I was feeling guilty for not coming back yet, I thought I'd offer a Sneak Peek behind the scenes at Cranky Fitness.

So here's some super secret information just for you!

In the coming weeks, if all goes well, we are going to attempt to revamp the blog a bit with a new template. And in preparation for this, I've been tinkering around with a new blog "about" page, and a "Who is Crabby McSlacker" page. (And if we are lucky, perhaps Merry will also throw something together about herself too at some point!)

These pages are still rough, and will be added to in the future. But if you're really bored, feel free to finally find out what this blog is supposed to be about. And here is more than you ever wanted to know about Crabby McSlacker.

See you soon! Those of you who can, enjoy the rest of the holiday! And if any of you have had to face temporary relocation because of nasty old Gustav, or if you have loved ones who are at risk, our thoughts are with you. Be safe!

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