Here at Cranky Fitness, we have a love/hate relationship with scientific and medical research. Sometimes we learn really useful information (dark chocolate and avocados are good for you!), but often these studies just mess with our heads.
Plus, they bring up so many questions. Questions like:
Is the source reliable? Are the findings replicated anywhere else? Do the results confuse causation and correlation? Why do the researchers have such weird names? And finally: how on earth do some of these people get funding for such idiotic ideas?
But, well, this is a health blog. So in order to
So here's the deal, if you're feeling up for a challenge.
For each group of four research findings, try to pick out the real one from the alternatives we've made up.
Answers will be provided... over the weekend! But feel free to speculate in the comments section, unless you've actually seen the real study in question in which case please keep your smarty-pants answers to yourself.
No prizes, alas, but do check back in over the weekend to see how well you did (or not).
And note: some of our fake answers may accidentally be true. We weren't willing to stay up all night googling in order to find out. So bonus bragging rights are available to anyone who can demonstrate more than one answer has research to back it up.
Ready? Sharpen your pencils--and then put them back down again, for heaven's sake, unless you want to poke holes in your computer monitor. This is just the internet, remember?
1. Music and Health:
In comparison to the general population:
a. People who prefer classical music are more likely to suffer from ulcers.
b. Country music fans are more likely to be suicidal.
c. Heavy metal music fans are more likely to get divorced.
d. Those who listen to jazz are more likely to have substance abuse problems.
2. Creative surgery:
If you need an unusual surgical solution, and Dr. House is not available, you might be desperate enough to undergo one of these surgical techniques (one of which is genuine):
a. Transplant a tooth to restore a patient's eyesight.
b. Use leeches to transfer blood, having them suck the blood from the donor and then bite the recipient and allow the blood to drain into the veins.
c. Transplant totipotent adult stem cells into a patient’s eye to regrow the connective tissue between the retinal epithelium and a detached retina.
d. Graft tissue from a patient’s spleen onto their thyroid gland to help protect the thyroid from the effects of chronic autoimmune hypothyroiditis.
3. Does sex count as exercise?
Whether it does or not probably won't have any effect on its popularity. However, one of these studies about sex and exercise is true. Researchers found that:
a. It turns out that athletes who abstain from sex prior to a competition really do have improved times on the track.
b. Cyclists who ride more than 100 miles a week actually had less difficulty conceiving children that cyclists who rode fewer miles a week.
c. Baseball players who used a nicotine patch instead of chewing tobacco were found to possess sperm with increased motility.
d. Runners who increased their stamina on a treadmill found their sexual stamina had increased as well.
4. Emergency Medicine:
If you suffer one of these unfortunate accidents and can't get proper medical treatment, which of these is a reasonably effective alternative?
a. If you accidentally swallow a black-widow spider, to neutralize the venom you should drink chocolate syrup--at least 3 cans would be optimal (if you happen to live in a grocery store).
b. If you are stricken with a sudden episode of vertigo, try hitting your head sharply several times with a heavy but not sharp object (using less force than would likely cause concussion). The spot to aim for is in the back of the head, at approximately eye level.
c. If you should overdose on antifreeze, you should try to get totally, spectacularly, shit-faced drunk on the most potent alcohol you can find.
d. If you suffer a terrifying panic attack in an airplane, try standing on your head. (But only if you can do so without being arrested and water-boarded as a suspected terrorist, otherwise this remedy will not be particularly helpful in warding off future panic attacks.)
5. Department of the Obvious:
All of these findings are probably true, but which one was actually funded and published?
a. If you consume approximately eight times the recommended dosage of an over-the-counter laxative, you will likely suffer from gastrointestinal distress.
b. Downhill skiers who have a blood alcohol level of over .10 are more likely to injure themselves and require hospitalization.
c. If you sit around in really cold temperatures for an hour, you will be more uncomfortable if your underwear is wet.
d. Children who have bitten two or more of their classmates tend to be less popular than average.
6. Eyesight and the future:
If you find that you've started having trouble with your eyes, which of these scenarios should you most worry about?
a. Difficulty seeing will lead to difficulty peeing, since when you're out in public you won't be able to see where to go and will feel constrained to hold it in, ultimately leading to nephritis.
b. People who have trouble with their eyesight are more likely to suffer a stroke or heart attack
c. Problems with eyesight will lead to a greater likelihood of developing diabetes.
d. Losing your eyesight is linked to difficulties with hearing: people who can't see often turn to playing their music too loud as a way to deal with the frustrations caused by the impairment.
So, think you did really well? Here's another challenge. This one is particularly for the readers/writers in the crowd, who know something about "voice" and whatnot. Can you guess which 3 questions were written by Crabby and which 3 were by Merry? And yes, we are aware that some of you think we are the same person. You can still guess anyway.
Have a great Friday everyone!