Which Exercise Is Right For You?

Good Lord, what are earth are you doing here? Sorry, you made a mistake.

You were looking for the post right below this one, with its 3,378,087 comments. Which just proves that you All Love Crabby Better. That's fine. Just fine.

Don't mind me. This just means no one will notice if I don't put up an actual post here.


see more dog and puppy pictures

Oh crap, you're still reading this, aren't you. Well fine. I'll publish a whole post then.

The Trouble With Californians

You know what's wrong with being from California? No, I mean besides the fact that people in 49 other states snigger when you tell them where you're from. I mean the fact that you can't adjust to other people's friggin' climate. (San Franciscans are tolerant about everything -- except for rotten weather.) It is waaaayyy too hot in Oregon right now. And too humid. They should fix their weather.

The point that I was meandering toward was that it's too damn hot to read a serious well-researched post. Hot weather = frivolous posts. It's a law.

So I've decided it's time to write a post for people who like the idea of exercise, but can't decide which one to chose.

Not sure what kind of workout to do today? Cranky Fitness can help.

If you're not sure whether you should get up and get those workout clothes sweaty, consult the Cranky Fitness Workout Quick Ref Guide. On the other hand, if you know you want to work out but can't decide what kind of exercise is right for you, we can help with that too.


Here is the Cranky Fitness Exercise Decision Facilitator^TM.

Prerequisites:

• A printer
• A set of darts
• The ability to throw in a sorta straight line (or the ability to clear the place out before starting)

Warning: Do not throw the darts at your computer screen. Unless you're having a really, really bad day at work. And want to get laid off. Then it might be okay.

To play facilitate a synergized exercise routine:

1. Print out the Cranky Fitness Exercise Facilitator (CFEF).
2. Post the CFEF an appropriate distance away (for beginners, suggested distance of 2 feet).
3. Throw darts. If possible, throw them in the direction of the CFEF.
4. Examine where they landed on the graphic and follow that goal for the day.

Notes:

• If the darts land on the frig, that does not mean you can eat whatever's in the fridge and doesn't have someone else's name on it.
• Darts that land on the floor are not meant to suggest that you should lie down and take a nap.
• If your dart lands on "clean," that does not apply to the lunchroom refrigerator. Unless you work from home, in which case it does. Sorry.

Hey, I'll go back to researching health and fitness studies soon. As soon as I get air conditioning in here. Or a working laptop. One of the two.

Are you able to work -- or work out -- in hot, muggy weather?

I'm thinking I need a laptop that works while I'm in a pool. (Then I'll just have to get a pool, and life will be good.)

You'll Never Guess the Secret SuperPower of This Veggie

Whoa. Seriously.


If you thought I was enthusiastic about dandelions, check out this site about asparagus. Apparently it does everything but mow the lawn for you. (Or maybe they just forgot to list that part.) All the properties listed were quite impressive. Some were a bit ... unusual. (When they claimed "It helps fight off high blood pressure" I got the mental image of an asparagus stalk, sword in hand, dueling with the evil High Blood Pressure Monster.)

This website caught my attention not just because of its extravagant claims. Some of the comments were also interesting to read, if a bit sad. I don't believe eating any one vegetable is going to cause a complete cure to terminally ill cancer patients. (Not by the time they get to be referred to as "terminally ill" anyway.)

On the other hand, some of the comments weren't sad. I especially loved the comment below. (Click on the image to enlarge it.)



Really? Asparagus helps with SQL database administration? All righty then. That's not a claim I've heard made about any other vegetable, ever.

Scary thought: there are people out there stranger than I am! And funnier, too.

Seriously, what bothers me about some websites is not what they write, or how it is written, but the lack of citations. I don't give a flying fajita how strange the claim is, so long as the site provides me with references that I can check out and make up my own mind about. For example, this other website's claims about dandelions? They sound a bit extreme, but I liked this site because it included references for the claims that it made. (Gasp!)

I love that the Trying Fitness blog includes her sources so I can see where she's coming from, even when I don't always agree with the sources. That earns an Ethical Blogger stamp of approval in my opinion.

Surely you're not suggesting you and Crabby aren't trustworthy?

I mean, naturally you can always believe everything that Crabby or I write... "Crabby! Quick! Look honest." But with everyone else, it really helps to see the source material referenced.

Trustworthy nutritional data sites

I like the WH foods site. It's not a complete list, but it has nutritional information about the 129 "most healthy" foods out there. I like this site because it has nice, straightforward charts that show the most valuable nutrients in any particular veg.


The NutritionData site also has charts, but honestly they look a little intimidating to me. I like charts that are easily graspable, not charts that are some kind of cryptic message I have to puzzle out.

Actually, my favorite kind of chart looks something like this:




On the other hand, in the "a bit more reliable" category is the US government's site USDA Nutrient Data Laboratory. Dull, but probably useful data on food stuffs. I suppose dull isn't the worst thing to be, when it comes to data. I mean, not all nutritional information needs to be presented in a snappy, sexy way.

Note: It might sound inconsistent, but I trust the government's tables, if not their graphics. In other words, I trust the government's nutritional data about foods, though the food pyramids are heavily influenced by the food industries.

Tangent: Did you know the government had a personalized My Pyramid site? It calculates your food requirements based on height, weight, age and activity level. Based on these criteria, it tells you how much of each food group you should eat. It's not as much fun as a virtual My Pony website, and it's not all that specific, but it's a starting place.

Yes, I know Conspiracy Theorists will say that I'm a fool to believe anything the government says. Sorry, can't stop to debate that now. Got to go find some asparagus to stuff into my computer so the database runs right.

Is there a trusty nutritional data website that you go to? And what's the weirdest claim you've ever read about a vegetable's SuperPowers? (Yes, you can point to my dandelion post. I'll understand.)

Fun link du jour: apparently, I'm not the only flow chartist in town.
Check out the Bacon Flow Chart.

The Cupcake Dilemma Flowchart

So... you can hear the siren call of the cupcakes calling your name. What do you do?

What would Pinocchio do?

Seriously? You're hesitating over this decision? Then let me take this opportunity to salute you. You're good.

We have provided a handy flowchart that might help you resolve this dilemma. (Warning: do not give the flowchart a half-truth. It gets cranky when you do that.)



Should you eat that cupcake? Click on the flowchart to determine the answer:

Obligatory disclaimers:


There are 181 calories in the average Hostess cupcake.

An adult who weighs 150 pounds with an average metabolism would need to exercise for half an hour jumping rope, kick boxing, or cross country skiing, to burn off two average cupcakes.



More serious disclaimer stuff:


The flowchart is directed toward people who, like St. Augustine, want to be good --- but not just yet . It does not apply to people with serious eating disorders, who might find one of the following sites a lot more helpful:

A couple of great blogs:

The Great Fitness Experiment

Scale Junkie

And some professional organizations:

NEDA (National Eating Disorders Assn)

ANAD (Assoc. of Anorexia Nervosa and other Asssociated Disorders)

Something Fishy: a great resource for everything ED. Forums, treatment finder, etc.

USF Hope House for Eating Disorders

(Thanks to Charlotte and Diana for their link recommendations.)

Should You Work Out Today? A Quick-Reference Guide

There are days when you can't decide whether to work out or not. We have developed the Cranky Fitness Workout Quick-Reference Guide^TM to help you with this difficult decision.

Technical note: to read the Quick Reference Guide, click on the image below.

Don't strain your eyes trying to read it as is. And don't ask me about technical difficulties that require this extra step, or I'll start cussing. Not at you, at Blogger.






Obligatory fine print:

The legal department wants you to know that charts found on a blog do not replace serious medical advice.
For that matter, the beagle department wants to know if you'll come outside and play.
The eagle department is currently dealing with ruffled feathers and thus is unavailable to comment.
The Smeagol department is concerned with the finding of a lost ring, presumed stolen.
And the regal department would like you all to sit up straight once in a while.